NYC Rats are Built Different | Gastor Almonte | Stand Up Comedy

Comedian Gastor Almonte on why everyone should work a retail job, keeping new year's resolutions, and his war with the rats of New York City!
Comedy is at its best when there's a surprise - that's why Don't Tell Comedy puts on events where the performers and location are kept secret until the day of the show. With over 150 cities already in on the joke, you never know where we'll set up shop, or who might pop in. Want to be let in on the secret? Visit our website below to find an upcoming show near you: www.donttellco...
Just don't tell anyone!! 🤫
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Gastor Almonte is a stand-up comedian and storyteller from Brooklyn, NY. He's appeared on Comedy Central's This Is Not Happening, Peacock’s True Story with Ed Helms and Randall Park, and Comedy Central Presents. Timeout magazine named him one of your "New Comedy Obsessions." His album, Immigrant Made, can be heard on all streaming platforms. Gastor has a podcast called The War Report w/ Gastor Almonte & Shalewa Sharpe available everywhere.
Instagram: / gastoralmonte
Facebook: / gastoralmonte
TikTok: / gastoralmonte
KZbin: @GastorAlmonte
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Your soap is a joke! Major shoutout to Dr. Squatch for making this stand-up series possible. Upgrade your personal care with 15% off your order of 50+ with code DTC15
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Credits:
Written and Performed by Gastor Almonte
Executive Producers: Kyle Kazanjian-Amory & Brett Kushner
VP of Production: Marissa Gallant
Live Events Manager: Drew Platt
Co-Directors: Gordie Earle III & Brad Silnutzer
Director of Photography: Mark Davis
Gaffer: Tom Atwell
Swing: Reed Nisson
Camera Operators:
Addison Farrell
Rylie Field
Alan Jensen
Katie LeVander
Marlana Skrobe
Brandon Wells
1st AC: Sarah Alexander
Editor: Jordan Tetewsky
Color Correction: Mark Davis
Sound Recordist: Eugene Kim
Re-Record Mixer: Ryan Meadows
Production Designer: Oak Laokwansathitaya
Set Dresser: Lucy Hislop
Art Assistant: Marlon Reid
Graphics: Megan Hunter
Production Assistants:
Paige Asachika
David Berg
Aine Hunt
Eddie Lorah
Lucas Stone
Brandon Wells
Photographer: Marcus Russell Price
Art Provided by: Noura Elrhalami (@seamistcollection)
Special thanks to our generous hosts, Triangle Loft in New York City, NY

[@tsing190]

"I've taken the train with good rats, solid people, family oriented" 😂😂 He is hilarious.

[@GastorAlmonte]

Appreciate you!

[@niqueybangz]

💯💯💯

[@nchapi2010]

I died😂😂😂

[@devil5adv0ca8]

If New York was a person. 🤣🤣🤣

[@NolitaWerrett]

Brooklyn, specifically lol

[@GastorAlmonte]

East New York specifically

[@No______Name______]

Brooklyn lmao love it tho

[@joshuas4695]

🤣💯✔️

[@johannesatlas5268]

😂 aye forreal tho!

[@user-mf6ry5vx5w]

Gastor killing it as always! “Used the tools around him to find a solution” 😂 weaponised bed bugs killed me

[@GastorAlmonte]

Homie is resourceful!

[@beigefox6579]

Dude said he watched the security footage of mouse jumping into his face. 🤣🤣🤣

[@GastorAlmonte]

Gotta face the truth 😅

[@REB4321]

No no no, a rat. They're different remember!

[@keetasingletary]

The idea that your rats are living your life is both hilarious and terrifying

[@GastorAlmonte]

It’s the truth! 😅

[@joshuas4695]

That P90X Shit was hysterical

[@dustinwestglow]

more one than the other currently

[@addisalemayehu7546]

IF IT IS NOT Ratatouille, I DON'T WANT IT

[@airpegasus5167]

They eat everything we eat .

[@LukasArnold1]

I'm a simple man, I see Gastor do a Don't Tell set, I'm liking and commenting cuz he's incredible

[@GastorAlmonte]

The feeling is mutual bro! Appreciate you bro!

[@RipFreddy]

Gastor I said it first

[@GastorAlmonte]

@@RipFreddy thanks homie! Appreciate you my g!

[@robertcataldo]

A Gastor Don’t Tell set is the best my algorithm has to offer today. What an absolute gem.

[@Sileonex123]

He has been incredible for awhile now

[@JakeEpooh]

This dude is not just freaking hilarious, he's legitimately smart and a decent human being too.

[@GastorAlmonte]

Thanks for the kind words homie!

[@luvuyofiltane2280]

I do agree with you

[@luvuyofiltane2280]

I do agree with you

[@GreenLanternCo.]

He said "ayo what moves you" 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

[@IZA_Grey]

Every time I tried to tell people that mice and rats are different species they always acted like I didn't know what the fuck I'm talkin about 😂

[@GastorAlmonte]

You were ahead of the curve!

[@niqueybangz]

That’s wassup that you knew cuz I def just learned Lmaooo😮😅😂

[@Reevesbeatz1]

Same here lol 😂

[@thatguydoov1193]

He got another one! Give this man a Netflix special, stat!

[@QN5Music]

Forrreal forreal.

[@niqueybangz]

💯💯💯💯💯

[@tonythetigersmuggler8770]

so i look to my wife and i say “ayo shorty” 😂😂

[@blueeskii2418]

Gastor needs a full hour the dude is savage killer with them jokes.

[@leahpollard3710]

No squirrel has ever added value to my life. Lol

[@niqueybangz]

Straight up 😂

[@theshmoo560]

I love this guy, even if he's made mortal enemies of the cat coalition

[@GastorAlmonte]

I’m nervous about the kind of emails coming my way! 😅

[@theshmoo560]

@@GastorAlmonte preemptive RIP bro. You will be missed

[@em0_tion]

@@GastorAlmonte I love cats and I'm laughing! Keep ignoring all snowflakes, cause "someone has to make sure things get done." 💪👏😂

[@sunderwood9321]

😼found him! Psp psp psp! Here kitty kitty!

[@nchapi2010]

“We went to his apt dongeon “😂😂😂 that’s where I knew he a fool 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@IlaisaGonebureJr-bf7qc]

The delivery golden yo😭

[@jag61688]

one of the best storytellers in comedy

[@GastorAlmonte]

Thanks my g! This is legit the crown I’m coming for. Still got work to do but I appreciate the kind words

[@jag61688]

@@GastorAlmonte you are on the right path

[@KingMe728]

New Gastor, I Click. This guy's story telling is on another level.So happy to see something new from this legend

[@jessicasager72]

I have not laughed all the way through a comedy set in a very long time and I watch a lot of comedy across different genres and even nationalities. Gastor is my go to for a mood now.

[@drusys4p]

This guy is extremely underrated

[@CH-hp6ow]

Gastor always has the funniest real NY takes

[@GastorAlmonte]

I’m nothing if not consistent! 😅

[@keetasingletary]

Ain't even started and i KNOW I'm finna laugh

[@michaelfrederic7531]

I'm mad this guy flew under my radar for so long! He's too funny

[@OhSnapItzGio]

Netflix better give this man a special and I’m not playing around *Pulls out mason jar…*

[@onikacomedy]

when I say this dude is the truth 😂😂😂😂 love it

[@llmnr3xp0sed]

This dude is hilarious. The type of guy, who, if he's a friend, you love hanging out with him because you're guaranteed a good laugh.

[@purodeathcore]

i also am just now finding out that rats and mice aren’t the same thing 🧐🧐🧐

[@GastorAlmonte]

I share what I know. That’s how community is built. We can keep the rodents away together! 😅

[@yeahyeahwowman8099]

All I can say is you have Google, no excuse to be ignorant about anything.

[@purodeathcore]

@@yeahyeahwowman8099 can’t say i’ve ever been at the crib and said to myself “hey i wonder if rats and mice are the same thing” so apologies for not taking initiative i guess lmfao😂

[@whitneyjohnson3614]

Yea nawl they the same in my eyes just like snakes them shits shouldn't exist

[@canloveprevail444]

You’re a great storyteller, and have an excellent voice! Great stand up 💗🙏

[@jayalexander929]

Gastor been killing it, the whole industry should have been recognized

[@micahhazel6815]

So much effortless poetry wrapped up excellently crafted jokes. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@gilfordmccormack8140]

Salute to my fellow East NY Brother keep doing your thing.

[@robertruiz6271]

Gastor so funny. 1st saw him on "this is not happening"

[@TheIsaeldelgadojaime]

GASTOR!!!! God this man is hilarious 😂

[@universe2171]

Very clever... loved it.

[@TheShapingSickness]

I've been attacked 😊 3 times 🧐 By a rat 😂😂😂😂

[@GastorAlmonte]

It’s my trauma! 😂

[@TheYellowHaze]

Man, Haven't seen a clip of his comedy in years. So refreshing

[@jimbeam7636]

Damn if that's the numbers there's like 3500 cats per large volume elementary schools. If every child is getting perfect attendance that is.

[@GastorAlmonte]

I see your kids will be in honor roll as well!

[@airpegasus5167]

East New York WTF Is Up ‼️‼️‼️💪🏾👌🏾 He’s Hilarious 😂 😂😂😂

[@chanmarr8118]

I screamed when I almost ran over a squirrel. I swear those mofos are suicidal 😂 So funny

[@pachcarter5291]

Yooo this shit was funnier than “Brooklyn Batman”

[@Mosh-p5f]

And without using curse words! loved it!

[@jaykaynum5569]

Are you serious

[@nathanarizona6844]

Gastor I revisit your Batman bit when I’m bouncing back from panic attacks. Thank you for that

[@boloshabazz]

It’s been awhile since I heard actual jokes. This guy is funny 😂😂😂

[@JoanBrown-tf6dr]

Looking forward to more of your humor

[@GastorAlmonte]

Appreciate you!

[@JoanBrown-tf6dr]

@@GastorAlmonte 😇🤗

[@user-uc9ne8ow2u]

I'm from New York I swear I just saw a Giant rat as big as my arm pass by me right when I was scrolling by your video and I knew God was telling me I need to click on your video

[@a.t.hustle1583]

Gastor got the illest stories!

[@GastorAlmonte]

Just sharing what I’m living 😅 thanks for the co-sign

[@Shewas-kathybates]

That rat was definitely targeting you… sounded personal

[@GastorAlmonte]

It’s on sight! 😅

[@toluabodunrin4941]

This guy is hilarious lmao

[@chevargrey9848]

I aspire to be able to tell a story the way this man can tell a story

[@timelessteek561]

Gastor has always been funny

[@lukasholz4927]

I need to know what moves you 😂 how dare you try to fly that close to the sun 😂 that one was legendary

[@camerondarries1251]

Love this guy, he means business.

[@wagnerallday]

Man I been waiting for Gastor since that reverse drive by.

[@rastagyaljay]

One of the best! In my opinion anyhow. Uniquely original; consistency hysterical! Gastor has easily become one of my favorite comedian's of all my lifetime. Massive Respect. Massive Blessings. One Love. Thank you for all the laughter Mr. A.🙏🏾

[@Seetiyan]

I'm curious what happened with that guy with the weaponized bed bugs! Like robbing a bank with unconventional ammo. 😆

[@Michealxlr]

Yo I love cats more than any other animal by far but this shit is too darn funny 😭😭🤣🤣🤣

[@milanb.6022]

Listening to this on the subway, trying to control my facial expressions, probably look pretty stupid 😂

[@chichigotdayayo555]

June 11th 2024....first time watching this guy...im embarrassed...im bout to binge watch...this guy HILARIOUS!!!!

[@dmarcdavinchi9152]

I was quite too. I didn’t know that about mice and rats 😂

[@BrooklynSaunders718]

I love Gastor he's funny as fvck

[@GastorAlmonte]

Appreciate you!

[@TrashBandicoot12]

I love Gastor. This man has a gift!

[@JoanBrown-tf6dr]

Very funny. Keep on trucking😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🎉Blessings

[@niqueybangz]

Frfr

[@Shon1114]

Hilarious.....first time seeing him...I was cracking up

[@roachdoggjr722]

Put a cat on every block IM DYINNGGG

[@AxeMan808]

Dude. 9:54. Man your turns of phrase are just

[@logicalmalethink4925]

One of the best comedians out there

[@chiefboyrd7969]

I love Gastor so much i hope he does a ton more shows like this, one of the best comedians out there! 🔥

[@tommidrab83]

Like a PackMan driving but with Cats . You're welcome😂❤

[@NolitaWerrett]

Love Gastor from his podast "The War Report" with another hilarious comedian: Shalewa Sharpe

[@GastorAlmonte]

A troop! Thanks for checking us out!

[@Theblackout292]

I’ll check it out!

[@thuglifeinc4894]

Mamba mentality bit got me good

[@anthonyreed1310]

There was so much good shit in here! I couldn't stop laughing 😂😂v

[@myst8217]

Damn I forgot about Gastor. Came across a clip of this on ig & here I am now. Those this isn't happening stories are tremendous

[@GastorAlmonte]

Ima start dropping more often going forward. Next 18 months is me setting up shop! Thanks for the good vibes!

[@myst8217]

@@GastorAlmonte Word up can't wait to see/hear it. Good luck & hope the best comes!

[@saacid1645]

That’s a good comedian right there

[@matthewortiz4099]

I almost got fired I was laughing so hard at this while at work 😂

[@regina0273]

Them rats living his life cause he running over all the cats 😂

[@REHABEAMNAMBAHU]

I haven’t seen Gastor in a min…he looks great, lost weight too. I see you brother.

[@traderstatusquo]

LOL - this was pure comedy. Never heard of you before but enjoyed your lines.

[@Xposureg]

The bed bugs got me 😂😂

[@bomberstudios]

Wow. Solid content, 10/10 delivery. Adding Gastor to my watchlist!

[@Tbcz]

This guy is hilarious 😂another level of comedy 🎭

[@sKitZoBonKa]

Security footage 😂

[@Tikitokiboom]

I didn't know I needed this in my life until now.

[@pareeshaslaughter6798]

“That’s was a strange amount of cats today” 😂😂😂

[@andromedalasso]

Love this guy! Solid set. He’s a great storyteller!👏🏾👏🏾❤️

[@TheREALMellohype]

This was brilliant. As a Brooklynite. I am very proud

[@JohnMelland]

Your cat is safe at home! Until it crosses the street! LMAO! AWESOME SHOW! 👍🏼🤣👍🏼

[@MissRedWine]

Hey gastor you are one funny guy and an inspiration to me! Keep living your dreams man 💜

[@joshgarrett6760]

Gastor is always funny!

[@mj8382]

Dude ive MISSSED HIM ❤❤❤❤

[@GastorAlmonte]

Really can't tell you how much I appreciate seeing stuff like this. I've been working and I promise more is coming soon.

[@mj8382]

@@GastorAlmonte I can’t believe you replied!! 🤯🤯! IVE WATCHED all ur stand ups at least 3x ❤️❤️, no worries we know you have a family and a life , BUT I CANT WAIT 😭😭🙌🙌

[@PHARA0H]

Gastor needs to do an hour!

[@markthatcher9925]

Loved it. Great story telling.

[@ronaldr.236]

This guy is NY. Just like them dudes I went to school with, the mannerisms, the language, that accent! Funny as hell too! “I’ve been hitting cats for years… nah mean!” 😂😂😂

[@TheBlackAxe1]

Funny AF!

[@jonathanriosnavarro1899]

One of the best out there, Gastor’s a beast 👏

[@GastorAlmonte]

Thanks homie! Just trying my best!

[@jessicahenry350]

My stomach hurts lol he was good

[@GastorAlmonte]

Thanks homie!

[@flahuneluv]

Gastro! My first time seeing him. Hella funny. Searching for more

[@EmpressOfExile206]

This cat is hilarious 💯 (no pun intended) Check out his "this is not happening" set‼️

[@jobdiscription2834]

10/10 perfect set

[@GastorAlmonte]

Thanks for that homie! You’re too kind!

[@joshuas4695]

YoOo, This guy is F!@#$%n Hysterical

[@CrymsonDawn]

As a testament to how funny this man is, I'm giving this a like despite the fact that he's a cat hating psychopath 😂