Why The Culture Makes You FEEL LOST & UNHAPPY... Fix This To Find FULFILLMENT | Will Storr

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What does the word status mean to you? For most of us, it probably brings up ideas of wealth, celebrity or material possessions. But could it be something much more meaningful and central to who we are as humans?
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Show notes available at: drchatterjee.com/354
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[@LaurieR2255]

This really makes one think! I remember saying to my ex "You worry too much about image" and he said "Image is everything." At the time my thought was "Not to me." But perhaps my idea of what image I wanted was completely different than his. Dr. Chatterjee, your podcasts keep me spellbound. They have completely changed my life. Your book, Happy Mind Happy Life is amazing. I bought 7 copies. Handed 5 out to friends, kept one for myself and donated one to the library. Thank you for all that you do.

[@quendelf]

Brilliant video, so many of these issues are ignored because companies want to keep us all hooked to these TOXIC desires. We don't NEED that much to be happy and healthy. Yet we're all killing ourselves striving for standards that are impossible for almost everyone to achieve.

[@DrChatterjeeRangan]

Thanks for watching

[@bethraflowers5799]

JUST SAY NO to the status game! Play the Giving game and you'll always be 'happy'. The status game is all about focusing on what others think and feel about you. Why should I care what others think of me? I don't NEED others to give me value. I am responsible for creating value for myself and I don't need others to validate that.

[@formxshape]

But…You need a certain level of status to earn money enough to have spare time and spare resources… to give.

[@Alphacentauri819]

@@formxshape our societies "status" definition is really skewed. Determine your own definition. Most of the equation is stop trying to allow others to define your worth, your value, and accept yourself. So, so, so much is done for outside validation...that kind of "status". It's empty, fleeting, unfulfilling, and often involves major self betrayal in order to meet others approval. One has to deeply inquire to what society has conditioned into people to continue making money off of people's insecurity, etc. We do not need nearly as much $$, house value, stuff, nice clothes, nice cars, and on and on, as many companies try to hypnotize us into believing. What matters, and what one can live on, is much simpler, basic, peaceful, if you deeply introspect...what you truly want, who you authentically want to be, how you honestly want to show up...when you remove "status" from the equation. I can promise you, the paradigm shifts immeasurably.

[@bethraflowers5799]

@@formxshape I don't need money for time and energy those are gifts I already receive just by being alive and can freely give as I see fit.

[@jimosborne2]

I believe his point is that our brains and neurological systems are wired to determine our status whether you live in a tribe in Papa New Guinea or NYC or in a monastery. I suppose he would acknowledge the possibility that a very small percentage of people on earth are free from this particular genetic condition but not many. I do think there are certain subset of “enlightened” beings who are basically able to rise above or regulate their genetic condition. But I know plenty of friends who made very similar claims in the 1960’s and except the few that inherited land or money, are not doing so well now. I suspect some of the folks who believe they are exempt are still young. And it’s particularly ironic that the “ just say no” slogan of the Reagan administration inevitably led to the 2 largest decades of drug addiction and prescription drug abuse in history.

[@bethraflowers5799]

I am questioning the statement that this desire or drive is 'genetic'. I feel that these drives are rooted in our current emotional conditions. Humanity, in general, feels that they must be in a 'tribe' to survive and I am saying that this is the emotional condition that must be supplanted if we ever hope to be truly happy and content in life. I personally feel that all human beings are my brothers and sisters and I don't need anyone's energy or consideration to be peaceful and content within myself. I am amazing as a soul and therefore I can assume all other souls are equally amazing. The challenge then is developing an awareness of the real, pure soul essence that is in front of me at any given point of engagement. I do believe that all have this capacity to grow within their emotional condition, just not many choose to engage this potential.

[@ellybean9962]

Social media is responsible for so much of this, and the feeling of not being good enough seeps into our lives and we don’t see it until we pause and really look into our selves.

[@parulsinha3092]

In India, we are practicing a different kind of perfectionism. We are all told we need to be Buddhas and be so internally self sufficient that any kind of external stimuli should be irrelevant for us. It's turning people into zombies if you ask me. No one will share anything with anyone except the spouse/partner, leading to overdependence on one person and complete ignoring of others. Wait till this perfect generation gets into old age, I doubt they will get through it with any amount of dignity like earlier generations used to do. Advice like "don't expect anything from anyone" and "don't judge" get thrown around like it's a joke to exist like an island. Zombies running after material stuff at the cost of emotional well-being, practically a liability for society, are the new spiritual gurus. They have absolutely no sense of their own biology or psychology.

[@livestrong1976]

I think it's a good thing that you notice things like that in your culture, I question alot of things in Christianity, but your not allowed to speak of the things that don't make any sense, somehow that makes you an evil person. I just always have found it odd that people are so concerned in what I believe or what I don't believe. but I could care less on what they believe. I never try to persuade them not to believe the way that they do, I wish they would have the same respect with me.

[@odileline7398]

​@@livestrong1976 Definitely appreciate and agree fully with your ‘I never try to persuade them & wish they would have the same respect with me’. And in my experience nexto (some) Christianity/Christians (and other religions), the fanatic religiosity and cultlike behaviour of progressivism, social justice and identity politics is also immensily disrespectful and harmful to the very ideas that ‘they’ try to purport. In my view this is one of the strongest and most powerful forces in our (western) cultures. Incredibly toxic kindness and toxic compassion, (virtuestatuschasing or simply using it to make money or political goals) where we end up with racist antiracism, antidiverse diversity, antifeminist feminism, anti gay/lesbian ltbtq, anticlimate climate activism etc…. All so that people can feel good about themselves while fanatically insisting others stay victim or poor. God forbid you want to actually listen to black people, for example, fast majority did not and don’t want to defund the police, but NO you cannot point out this reality ( or common sense), because I will not give up my virtue signaling, nomatter how destructive to actual victims. Politics over the back of real people. And all the nefarious reasons to pretend to actually care. And I’ll call you rightwing racist, fascist and nazi if you don’t bow down to my so called goodness and virtue. I only hear Will Storr talking about neo- liberalism, individualism which I find fair… but then he leaves out all of culture of at least last 30 years…progressivism, the kolonising character of many do-gooders, charities, ngo’s, billionaire ‘philantropist’ that is actually devasting to so many. In the name of progressivism supporting big business, pharma, military industrial complex, the censorship industrial complex… all the while actually caring zero about real people. End of rant ;-)

[@livestrong1976]

@@odileline7398 that was brilliantly put!

[@kerstinmiller223]

What I like most about all these podcasts by Dr Rangan is that he seems like a genuinely kind soul, which makes me calm when I listen because there’s no ego or anything of that nature involved. Thank you ❤😊

[@maryalicecoleman4661]

I’m glad to hear this conversation. This is what I’ve been thinking and writing about. We’ve got to stop pushing an agenda that obsessed type A personalities are pushing.

[@DrChatterjeeRangan]

Thanks for sharing Maryalice

[@northseaeyes]

yes, finding contentment and happiness in todays world is the best form of revolution and change for the better ! yay for learning

[@anthonyfletcher4250]

The question I believe we should ask ourselves is:- have I raised my consciousness in this lifetime? For consciousness is our reality, how much love and compassion is there in my heart for that is what I believe we take with us when we depart this worldly experience where status will mean nothing, but only the love we can radiate . ❤

[@modernwoodelf691]

It's the human curse of how our egoic brain operates - bigger, better, faster, more and comparing all along the way. But comparing and more doesn't equal peace and happiness, which is what we're ultimately after. What a paradox to be stuck in... We have to retrain our conditioning to accept that simple/sufficient is enough and find our true selves in that place. 🧙‍♂✌🧝‍♂🌱☀

[@tia8489]

This talk came at the right time for me. I generally felt happy with my life and the choices I'd made in terms of career etc. I'm inspired a lot by intelligent and kind people and happy for them to be successful. However, seeing someone who had bullied me in the past become (what I feel) more successful than me has been hard to take. I'm finding it hard to overcome this feeling so hearing this has been really helpful.

[@beerman204]

Enthusiasm and reasonably positive self acceptance are better aspirations than happiness or peace or social standing or being member of multiple groups...for many of us....The desire for status is the need to elevate the opinion of others above your opinion of yourself?

[@upendasana7857]

I'm not sure if its perfectionism or just trying to be "perfect" at the wrong things.Everyone seems to be obsessed with havi g the "perfect body or perfect house or earni g loads of money or having a great car and all these external ideas of success".Celebrity culture mixed with social media means people are bombarded with images of thos do called success or ideal life. It use to be something realky to aspire to to have certain jobs like a teacher,nurse,doctor ..but bow its almost like you are considered a failure to study hard or work hard and that fame and bei g a influencer or on tv is the goal. People are not appreciated fir somply doi g a job well no matter what,just pride in doing a job well even if it was lower down the ladder as it were,thete was still pride in work. People ate not talking to each other or appreciati g enpugh those in their vicinity but seem to look more abd more to social media for feedback or inspiration or knowledge when they do not even know these eople abd there is always a financial imperative behind nearly everything they do. The best social media should be encouraging people to connect in real life,to talk to people in their community and chat to people closet to them. Also this expectation might not only be unrealistic but is it even? Most of those body goals or money lifestyle goals ate they even what we want or desire.How happy even ate those people who lead lives of so called perfection.Surely social connection,heakthy relationships,enough money and purpose abd meaning ate what most ate looking for.

[@CJ-kq8je]

Happiness is a fleeting emotion, like sadness..the key is good level of inner contentment.

[@hj8607]

Confusing materialism with perfectionism . And ignoring obsessionism with both. Not just the biological disruption of relaxed existence . The preoccupation with the obsessions and loss of attention to quite health.

[@DanaC-ne7bc]

I have known for a very long time we all judge everything and everyone, and the only time take issue with it is when their judgement isn't what we want or expected.

[@peacefulisland67]

Some parts of this video were bringing up anxiety for me! When we allow constant comparison of ourselves to others consciously and not, we're living without spiritual aspect. It's an empty space that needs attending and building, otherwise the void will be filled for us. And what it's filled with may create discomfort, dissatisfaction and anxiousness. Go figure. Spiritual life is not an elective hobby, it's an integral piece of being wholly human.

[@furtrapper11]

Competition for resources and even dating has now become global. Much more pressure is to be expected.

[@northseaeyes]

Thank you both for your honesty ! Honesty is the greatest power for change and healing, you are doing good

[@FedericoPalma]

Spot on! I struggle every effin day against it... not sure one can really overcome it... its indeed self-destructive...

[@patriciapeever5974]

Perfectionism...lots of PROBLEMS TRYING TO BE PERFECT..

[@Stampingerms]

I love to hear Dr. C’s videos… they are really substantial and this one in particular hit the spot… as all my life I have been a perfectionist and achieved much! But since a few years I have been hit by an autoimmune disease 😢 and have had all those thoughts and am at odds of what is perfection… so thank you Dr. C 🌈♥️🙏🏾 makes sense…

[@freedomtohappiness]

Thank you dear Will Storr and Dr. Rangan for this interesting podcast. So interesting to hear the connection between status and our identity and also wellbeing. When you talked about volunteering I could truly relate. After I got burned out for the first time while I was chasing status of being successful by making career, I became isolated, alone and depressed. But then I started reading about happiness and meaning of life and began volunteering and it gave me totally new purpose and new status. So I chose to write my social anthropology Bachelor thesis on mechanism behind volunteering. There I found many different reasons for it, but listening to this podcast I am realising that STATUS could be driving force behind many of them. Interesting. Thank you for this valuable content in your podcast every week. With love, Diana 💖

[@jachin.mullen]

This video made me subscribe. Thanks for all of your content. I look forward to exploring it further.

[@vimalneha]

I find Dr Chatterjee's CHANNEL of my favourite for supplementing my quest to understand life from a Western perspective!

[@DrChatterjeeRangan]

Thanks Vimal. Glad you are enjoying the content

[@amanr6346]

The concept of us having a ‘bar’ that we set is interesting since psychology has shown that although goal setting is good, once we achieve a certain goal there is rapid hedonic adaptation and we need to set a new target, often people set an even higher goal. One must enjoy the pursuit and embrace this not just the destination. I am of an existentialist angle and I feel we just need live with what Freud would call ‘ordinary unhappiness’ and live with ups and downs as part of the human condition rather than seek this so called ‘perfect life’ which is largely a cultural structure as Will so brilliantly explains in this excellent talk!

[@RamSadeh]

Amazing conversation!! For me- this is so true- totally isolated myself because of self comparisons on All front Almost went absolutely mad Recognised it in 3 of my kids too

[@sleepingwhale758]

very important conversation... thank you both so much

[@christelnielandt5117]

Wonderful to listen. So much truth …. Feel grateful for being in my fifties. Think these times / society are very challenging to a lot of people, esp the young ones.

[@DrChatterjeeRangan]

Glad you enjoyed listening!

[@proverbs3150]

Rangan I sincerely appreciate your wearing black tees-clothes are obviously not needed to give you status! It says who you are and it takes away from focusing on clothing but rather on your message, listening skills and empathy. Thank you!

[@dragonofthewest8305]

This really resonates with my life thank you so much

[@Bachconcertos]

Society teaches the barimetor of value to be loved is outward success with achievement of goals & money.

[@drendelous]

my dream is to talk to gabor some day. thank you for quoting him.

[@insightswithSamMetala]

Thanks Dr. for all you do

[@lilytea3]

0:07: 📚 Perfectionism is on the rise and is linked to various mental health problems, and this can be attributed to the culture of neoliberalism and the increasing competitiveness and individualism in society. 8:27: 😔 Social perfectionism and the unrealistic expectations set by society contribute to feelings of not being good enough and can lead to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. 17:10: 🎯 The speaker discusses the positive and negative aspects of self-directed perfectionism and the impact of social media on our perception of success. 25:05: 📚 The book discusses the concept of status and why it is important to humans. 33:48: 😊 Status is a reward for being valuable, and humans play three main status games: dominance, virtue, and wealth. 42:03: 🎮 The status game is a fundamental aspect of human nature, where we constantly measure our status and are sensitive to signals that we are perceived as less than we would like to be. 51:01: 🎮 Playing multiple status games can provide a hedge against failure and protect one's identity. 59:28: 👥 The importance of identity and status in parenthood and the potential negative effects of parents living vicariously through their children. 1:07:28: 🏋‍♂ CrossFit is a successful status game that provides a sense of connection and support while pushing individuals to their limits. 1:15:57: 📈 Status games are a fundamental aspect of human behavior, and they can be categorized into dominance, virtue, and success games. 1:24:41: ⚖ Status games and hierarchies have a significant impact on our health outcomes. 1:32:58: 🎮 Playing multiple status games is key to understanding and navigating social hierarchies. 1:41:09: ! The speaker discusses the importance of focusing on local achievements and status rather than competing on a global scale. Recap by Tammy AI

[@aanchaallllllll]

Thank you so muchhh for this, appreciate it!

[@pikkuoo]

Super interesting, thank you!

[@stoneage6379]

Self-directed perfectionism and social perfectionism are really the same thing except in a few circumstances. If you take a close look at self directed perfectionism it's just a microcosm of social perfectionism. If one considers something to be 'not good enough' it is nearly always in relation to something that is outside of the purview of oneself. Social perfectionism is nearly always at the root of the other. Not in every situation but in the vast majority.

[@em-dy3hn]

Victimhood is the new high-status activity. Complaining and resentments are the new virtues. #victimolympics #woke #poorme #equity #diversity #inclusion #participationtrophies #thekidsarentalright

[@imaanadams5987]

Status, is it not maybe that at the route of it, that we all want acceptance and unconditional love from our family, friends and even everybody else. We all know that to be loved by all is unattainable, and yet still want that. That’s why the money isn’t enough or the power, coz there’s always someone rejecting you, heckling you… its ❤

[@navtejsingh6690]

Thanks sir

[@heathermariejohnson9372]

I can really relate to this topic 🙏

[@DrChatterjeeRangan]

Glad to hear it was helpful Heather

[@joannebedford2695]

All so true

[@DanaC-ne7bc]

This plays right into the mindset many have that the American middle class is dying. It's not.

[@mac-ju5ot]

Icould use some help on the perfectionism issues ..having had a😙eating disorder I thought I had control....I set the bar as high as my family's expectationsm

[@wiltonpt1]

I wonder whether the reason for the emergence of these themes now more than ever is not a strong sign of people’s inability to be in touch with their own depravity and human myopia about themselves and their finiteness

[@terrimfjoeee]

brits & american pronounce status so differently. i was like what is stayytis 🤣 but they were saying status. i pronounce it (stah~tis)

[@dailydoseofmedicinee]

💯

[@louislovereality]

Cheri Huber book There's Nothing Wrong With You

[@rosenden2510]

I am already perfect and happy who I am but the question is why not be more perfect and what’s wrong with that? We should create more prefect ourself every single day.

[@jimosborne2]

More perfect? Like 110 % effort?

[@proverbs3150]

This podcast describes very well why everyone needs the Lord. They describe feelings, pride, self-worth and the misery people live in -to the point of suicide. Once you know Jesus, you realize you live in humility and serve Him knowing you live under grace not good works. Read the Bible and find true freedom.

[@lindyvandenbosch9539]

No thanks

[@carolspencer6915]

💜

[@charlesferber5849]

Thought of The Day: “ Perfectionist Seek, but Never Find”... maybe that’s the problem? Cheers, Charlie

[@alexi2460]

Dr C, why dont you inviteYork Cardiology, Dr Gupta his YT site is terrific to help the average person understand heart conditions and solutions

[@wordswordswords8203]

You know, this is interesting because the idea that men are striving to be perfect as is being discussed here is quite foreign to me. Most of the men I meet and get to know are far from perfect and are in fact assholes. I'm not saying this flippantly or to be mean, but maybe men do not have a good perception what is "perfect" or successful. Being aggressive in war and with women, animals, etc. is certainly not perfect. I mean, just staring there would be a huge success. Maybe fighting for women's rights alongside women would be helpful since men still get paid more and have most of the power. Maybe they should stop working in slaughterhouses. You'd be hard pressed to fully staff a slaughterhouse with women. And the list goes on, not to mention that men still treat women like objects and have a superiority complex that is just out of this world. Men just need to stop hurting others, that would be a good place to start. And then, after that, they should think about not hurting themselves.

[@phantomopera5525]

Maybe what changed is that for the first time in centuries, the new generations are not expected to fare better than their parents.

[@angelbaybee3700]

Terrance McKeena said it best "cultuee is not youe ffiend"

[@juiceknot]

Too late. I’m already perfect. As a matter of fact, I’ll treat myself to a movie, just to hold my hand.

[@dinosemr8141]

💖❤️💖❤️🙏❤️💖❤️💖

[@andrearovenski]

yes! Neoliberal capitalist decay has led to everyone wanting to be as powerful as 500 people by themselves which is just impossible

[@odileline7398]

Agree, and… I believe some other things after neoliberalism happened too, that I do not hear Will Storr speak of... Individualism turned into narcissism for example… then there’s immensily powerful and harmful ‘progressivism’, social justice and identity politics. In my view this is one of the strongest and most powerful forces in our (western) cultures now. Incredibly toxic kindness and toxic compassion. Virtue-status-chasing or simply using virtue to make money and/or attaining political goals, where we end up with racist antiracism, antidiverse diversity, antifeminist feminism, anti gay/lesbian ltbtq, anticlimate climate activism etc…. All so that people can feel good about themselves while fanatically insisting others stay victim, poor or evil fascists for not complying. God forbid you want to actually listen to black people, for example, fast majority did not and don’t want to defund the police, but NO you cannot point out this reality ( or common sense), because I will not give up my virtue signaling, nomatter how destructive to actual victims. Politics over the back of real people. All the nefarious reasons to pretend to actually care. And I’ll call you rightwing racist and nazi if you don’t bow down to my so called goodness and virtue. Neo- liberalism, individualism, very fair points… but then he leaves out all of culture of at least last 30 years… the kolonising and utterly selfserving character of many do-gooders, charities, ngo’s, billionaire ‘philantropists’ that is actually devasting to so many. In the name of virtue blindly supporting big business, pharma, military industrial complex, the censorship industrial complex… all the while actually caring zero about real people. ( you see, I have some thoughts on the matter ;-)

[@sara505sings]

Facebook! Delete!

[@paolocruz8392]

3:59 the look on Dr. Rangan's face is very concerning. Watching this is stressful. It's everything I wanted to avoid. It's so superficial. That's why I appreciate Alan Watts' philosophy best.

[@ordinaryvalley]

Ladies stop looking at Pinterest 😅

[@dextercool]

Performative vulnerability - bon mots for the current trend in certain circles of the media and podcasting.

[@odileline7398]

performative victimhood is also huge and very destructive to actual victims imo

[@stevengoldstein7890]

Don't know about changing Souls a socialism and communism has not work anywhere in the world do not cite Scandinavia that is nowhere near socialism

[@keepcreationprocess]

This is the only episode I stop watching after 3 minutes

[@pocopico7409]

Hey! We have another video over 100 minutes that very few people are going to commit the time to watch! How helpful! NOT! 🙄

[@DrChatterjeeRangan]

Hi Poco Pico - there is also a clips channel 'Dr Chatterjee Clips' where we take the best 10-15 minute sections from each week's podcast. Perhaps that might be more helpful for you? Many people appreciate these long deep dive conversations but I also appreciate that they will not suit everyone. Here is a link to the shorter Clips channel in case you find it helpful: www.youtube.com/@drranganchatterjeeclips961 Thanks Rangan

[@carlyw6747]

@@DrChatterjeeRangan Thanks for letting us know that there is a shorter way to watch these clips, as I find your topics and guests interesting but really struggle to watch long conversations and then end up watching none of it. I hope to see a shorter version of this appear at some point, as I couldn't find it in the list just yet.

[@venky1973]

​@@DrChatterjeeRangan I walk and listen to these. Excellent stuff.

[@factsoverfiction7826]

Agree! I listen to long podcasts at 1.5x playback speed, by working up from normal speed. For me, 'long' is 45 - 55 minutes. This is too long even at 1.5x. Heck, I want to improve my life, not replace it with podcasts. I've observed: Good interviewing is an art form. It requires time & effort. The interviewer must read the guest's book(s) and writings. Then carefully prioritize questions, which the guest must receive the previous week so they can prepare answers. There must be time limits to each question. This effort often creates interviews of lasting value. The 'Let's gab for an hour or two' approach is fine for friends who meet over dinner. But it drives away an audience. Sadly.

[@1Hope4All]

Trying to be perfect is ingrained into us by God. There's a reason for that! Read the Bible and you will see!

[@user-hk9zg2jy1u]

Not one of my favorite’s. I’m almost 60 years old from a middle class family/background. Living in America. I feel like this was a huge waste of time and effort and resources. Status? Stop trying to keep with each other. Our graves will all be the same size!

[@SuperDflower]

Paul McCartney has a horrific reputation in the music industry. I don’t know what you’re talking about

[@along9971]

This is a load of drivel

[@arti315]

Thank you both for this important conversation🙏🏼💛🩵

[@soniahazy4880]

🐆🐬🧩🧞‍♀️🎼🧩