You’re Doing A Better Job Than You Think

[@monacaensam9465]

I’m doing a fabulous job managing my mental health- haven’t killed myself yet.

[@phnsinrspt]

you're doing well enough. thank you for staying here.

[@OG_lesliedixon]

@@monacaensam9465 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@monacaensam9465]

@@phnsinrspt really not doing well at all.. I’m just too much of a useless coward to do it- for now.

[@phnsinrspt]

@@monacaensam9465 i'm truly sorry to hear that. even if it's not well right now, you're doing enough just managing. you're enough. you're not a coward, and definitely not useless. the fact that you're in this community already shows you're improving. please, stay. it often gets worse before it gets better. ask for help if you can. i believe in you, sincerely, and wish you the best.

[@joanneverreau2546]

You’re not a useless coward at all, you’re a human being that’s going through a very difficult time. You’re here watching this amazing Doctor, who is helping us all. Please just hang in there, keep watching all the videos you can to help you through this. We can help each other through this. Your life matters💕🙏🏻🩷

[@samwarner2668]

Avoiding catastrophic failure is about the level I’m functioning at

[@likesgood]

feel this

[@ladyjatheist2763]

Hey, me too! :D Glad to know I'm not alone!

[@aiiiia9971]

Fr

[@homeopathicfossil-fuels4789]

you know this is the maximum level of performance for a lot of mass life critical machinery, right? Be proud, you are holding together.

[@SpaceJunk-y3q]

Real

[@saltandpepperandmint]

I feel like I’m failing at life but at the same time it’s a miracle that I’m still sane

[@brookalakin]

Thats exactly how I feel. Its literally due to the grace of God. Jesus actually healed my schitzophrenia. It was onset by trauma and i was suffering for TWO years. I could go to school and being in public was a horrifying experience everytime. No peace. Graciously and mercifully however, the Lord Jesus healed me in a instant a few weeks ago. I could walk in a crowd for the first time and not have a flashback or whatever it was. God is good.

[@brookalakin]

Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forevor, He loves you deeply and wants a relationship with you ✝️ ❤🙏

[@deannadeason1850]

Feel you

[@saltandpepperandmint]

@@brookalakin thank you! It’s all thanks to Jesus! Amen ❤️‍🔥

[@theinfamousTeyo]

Yeah I made a joke in a "therapy" game and the person said if they were me they would kill themselves 😭 and those were just my major things 💀 no clue how I'm still living or sane

[@larsbunch]

To extend the metaphor a bit, if the stores do not send back some of what is earned from selling product, it leaves the distribution manager with nothing to fund production. If your friends and family think you are doing alright or have their own issues and don’t provide you with the emotional support you need, you can end up feeling even more unable to function. Unfortunately a lot of us put up a facade of functioning adequately and others don’t see that we need help. The result can be an ever growing feeling that it is impossible to get your needs met.

[@marywiggins7411]

@@larsbunch even asking for the right help rarely works to relieve the burnout.

[@lucisangelum]

Deeply relate to this.

[@maureencameron4120]

What I find difficult to come to terms with is that my baseline level of functioning - the amount of energy and resources I had to keep everything at least running, if not thriving - has changed. It used to be that I could work seven days a week, 10-12 hours a day, keep reasonably fit, have a social life etc. Now, after years of severe depression, I no longer work. I am tired after doing an errand or two. I have put on 30 lbs. I rarely leave the house outside of mandatory appointments or errands. Yes, I am doing the best I can with the resources I have now. But it's very hard to not go into the hole of despair when you realize your time/energy/attention resources are a mere fraction of what they used to be, and to not know how to build those back up, or if it's even possible.

[@ravenraven966]

I'm feeling the same as you... I can barely function.

[@silver_crone]

I’m in the same boat.

[@MarianneMcVeigh-xz2yv]

I understand. I was high functioning most of my life, now I feel old, tired and am overweight but too exhausted to exercise.

[@ravenraven966]

@@MarianneMcVeigh-xz2yv , I'm not overweight.. actually I'm very thin...but I'm still very depressed.. wish I could die

[@Patsysmiled]

@@ravenraven966 🙏 I wish you love and strength

[@Brigantia11]

Living in a scarcity-based monetary society these days feels like it's getting worse exponentially. Had to leave my job after the newly hired manager doubled my workload and cut my pay in half right after I came back from medical leave after a major surgery. The severe depression I already had from that job made it impossible for me to keep up with more than 5% of daily tasks and made me feel like I was being buried alive. Leaving that toxic workplace was so important, just to catch up with everything else that was spiraling out of control. It's harder than ever to do your best these days, when there's almost no chance of a good life and you just have to break your back to survive.

[@AprilMears-j7q]

You just wrote exactly what I was thinking 🤔!! Ditto!! You're not alone. ❤❤❤

[@Kizzalovespugs]

Absolutely agree.when is society going to address the elephant in the room. We can't focus on anything other than treading water financially

[@denisealexander7317]

🫂

[@SuperChicagoDude]

Escaping a toxic workplace is a #1 priority, I am glad you escaped, I did too. I quit my toxic job, they were discipling and punishing me for being old and disabled, I looked them right in the eyes and said good bye, zero regrets, I am in between jobs, currently doing gig work, and it is working out for me. I am not being abused at all doing the gig work, it is healthy work and I am happy with myself for escaping that super toxic job. Nobody should tolerate abuse. WALK AWAY FROM IT.

[@lizblock9593]

Having compassion for ourselves is SO important! I've had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for a few years now and have been down a long road of beating myself up for not getting anything done, when in reality, I can about do the basics: wash the dishes, laundry, groceries, doctor appointments, and that's about it. I've finally surrendered to this truth that if I want/need to get any more done than that, I have to ask for help or pay for cleaning, yard work, etc. Being in reality about my situation is so much less stressful than beating myself up!

[@denisealexander7317]

Thank you for sharing that. Reminds me of the Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference, just for today

[@marccarriere5525]

As a doctor, sharing your personal suffering, experiences and being empathetic to people who suffer makes a huge difference for me to understand, to accept my depression and listen carefully to your solutions. Thank you Scott, you are doing a great and important public service that is much needed.

[@kwkw5711]

Thank you for your service to society as a doctor. Must be so draining and challenging to be a support for other people and see so much suffering on a daily basis

[@clintonandrews9044]

He isn't a doctor. He's a psychologist.

[@marigoldangel]

I 100% get this, your metaphor is good. I graduated with a massive debt and decided to focus on getting out of it. Nearly 10 years later, I am out of debt- but I have no friends, I have no spouse, I live in a small apartment, and I don't currently have a job. I now wake up in the night, panicking that I am running out of time for all I dreamed of in life. I will think about what you said to keep me going. The biggest issue is time and the fear of regret

[@JayLangly]

I'm almost in a similar situation. Worked through college full time (almost full time through High school) graduated and now only have 2k debt. Only have 2 best friends - but don't hang out with them enough and they live far away. I am the only brother out of 3 helping our elderly mom. No help from them at all for YEARS. I do have a full time job but it's boring. I do wonder what it would be like to live my own life FOR ONCE. So yes at 56 -- I don't feel like I'm making any progress.

[@Patsysmiled]

🌸

[@andrewjaramillo]

Your story is my story except my mom died when I was 30@@JayLangly

[@lulumoon6942]

And I ignored my student debt and it caused me to end up in the same position, but I still have the compounded debt. It was a loaded situation for us. Be proud of your achievement, and live out the balance you deserve. Looking back what I regret is the shame and fear instead of living for JOY. Best to you! 🙏🕊️

[@lulumoon6942]

​@@JayLangly Everyday all yourself what would make you happy that day, look for joy in the small and big things and it gets easier. You deserve your own life, it's not too late, but sometimes we just need permission to be happy. You got it! 🙏🕊️

[@barbarajean7208]

Yay! I'm calling a win by cleaning half the house today. Thanks, Scott! Love this

[@pippacarron1861]

I went through a major crisis last week (I got caught in a string by a contractor on a project and lost $60,000). My benchmark for success has become that I behaved impeccably throughout the whole experience. I didn't shout or get angry; I didn't try to counter blackmail. I was polite and dignified in all my interactions in the situation. I've relinquished my need for revenge. My next step is to learn from the experience and let go of the overwhelming feeling of failure to monitor the situation more closely so I didn't get caught in the entrapment in the first place. Life is a jouney: we can make it harder for ourselves or we can refuse to exacerbate situations through self-flagellation.

[@ladyjatheist2763]

So you chose to react to the situation using stoicism, and to learn how to avoid a future circumstance that could bring on the same situation. That is rare! Wishing you the best of luck in your future endeavors.

[@pippacarron1861]

@@ladyjatheist2763 Very perceptive. Thanks so much.

[@ebethlouise2201]

Right effing on! I applaud you; that’s huge!

[@deannadeason1850]

Wow you handled that better than I would😊

[@Violet_Moone13]

I’m celebrating with you, that is a win! 🙌🏽 perspective really is everything, & now you can also move forward with a clear conscience, no mess to correct (on your end at least, from whatever might have ensued had you reacted in anger.) take the lesson from it & move forward, sometimes that is the best we can hope for

[@stevea6330]

Life is such a bumpy ride. It'll be such a relief to get to heaven someday. Just have to make it to the finish line with your soul intact. One day none of this suffering will matter. Just breath!

[@thomasandersen2534]

I sure hope so brother. I cant take anymore I miss her. I loved her sons, I loved her she still left. Its been months I wish I never met her. Im saving whats left of my heart for me. God Bless

[@tstone1453]

Thanks dude I needed this today I’m breathing.

[@stevec404]

Yes. A measurement issue. After decades of a deep river of issues and sorrows, measuring progress against that is distressingly difficult. I feel like I am bouncing from mental agony in one arena to the same in another. Man, I hit my ceiling nearly every day...my mind keeps reminding me of my "lacks". This is wonderfully clear and helpful. It is why I often feel like just quitting. The word is overwhelm. I fell into anhedonia. My early childhood CPTSD made it imperative to be tops in all areas. I never could be. Not good enough was my long ago traumatic moment; it followed me for my lifetime. This is a new perspective for me; and it WILL make a difference. I will be thrilled for mediocre in most of my areas. Thank you.

[@dayru_ru]

I relate to your experience so much; it's so tragic what our younger selves told us

[@denisealexander7317]

🎉 Good for you!

[@candyheartsart]

Thank you. I have Autism, ADHD and CPTSD. I home school my Autistic ADHD kid. I look after, feed, and clothe my kid, as well as putting him to bed and looking after his emotional needs. I clean the house, I run an art business, I am trying to upload videos to my art youtube. I have to look after my partners emotional needs, as well as my own, my partner helps sometimes. I take care of a disabled, incontinent dog. Sometimes I get to play a game of league of legends at night time. I am exhausted.

[@M00N_IVY]

That sounds like you are doing a lot. I hope you get some good sleep❤

[@wordzmyth]

You are doing an impossible amount. I hope you make some time for self care. I am glad you are making so many positive efforts. I will sub to your channel 😊

[@Madchris8828]

Wow that's a lot. I'm impressed by that list.

[@Michelle-st9yc]

I can relate to this so much as a single mom, full time therapist, and a romantic partner, having ADHD, plus everything I have to do in my home. Everyday I am overwhelmed and struggling.

[@Kizzalovespugs]

Also a single mother with bpd which actually presents similar to adhd now I'm mature and don't drink. I have a lover but im feeling unsatisfied with the relationship and I'm also trying to qualify as a therapist but I've got so behind I think I'm TOO behind. I also have 4 pugs. Currently enjoying a Friday evening chilling in bed with candles. I try take pleasure in how far I have come.

[@twistoffate4791]

I think I just caught a break via your theory. If resources are money, and the money is not plentiful, and my projects are getting finished at a snail's pace, and I haven't completely broken down over it - then I'm doing better than I thought. My projects are extremely important to me because they are the ONLY thing I have control over, since I have no control over my family or friends, who all let me down after my parents died. We control only that which we are able, but if the last thing I can control has grinded to a halt, getting angry at myself is just not the solution.

[@gangstaberry2496]

I'm sorry to hear about your friends... I'm glad you're looking to take care of yourself

[@twistoffate4791]

@@gangstaberry2496 Thank you so much for your kind comment.

[@squtnik]

I think that is a good way of looking at it. you shouldn't beat yourself up so much I had the realization that i am always waiting on edge for the "next bad thing" to happen, even despite there being plenty of minor accomplishments or goals being completed. and i think thats what has been weighing me down for a while try keeping in mind that accomplishments can be big AND small, so dont let any of them go unnoticed! it is okay to feel pride even for little things no matter how old you are

[@StudioHannah]

Resource management is one of the great struggles of adulthood. This is a more complex version of the Spoon Theory, which is basically “I have only so many hit points (or spoons in my drawer) in a day and I have to choose where to use them.” I definitely feel this way. Lately I’m pouring my energy into my job but it leaves so little energy for things I really love and that’s been bad for my mental health. I don’t want my job performance to suffer but I also don’t want my mental health to continue suffering.

[@Yakffe]

I couldn’t stop crying while listening to you. I’ve been beating myself up way too much

[@Candee0157]

Are you sure, you're a "real" Dr?! Seriously, you are SO honest and real!!! Love and appreciate your work here on KZbin!!

[@denisealexander7317]

Lol ❤Are you sure you're a real doctor ?

[@Sarah-zr1nj]

There are honest and real doctors out there; you just have to not settle for bad doctors who aren’t doing you any good, and keep looking my until you find a good one.

[@joanfolds476]

I never feel like I'm doing a good job, because I have a fear of failure which fuels my fear of success. It comes from my childhood in which my late mother had higher expectations of me than I could reach (perfectionism). But I was always trying because my personality borders on perfection. I try so hard to prevent mistakes at all costs. At 67, I'm tired. I'm just doing my best at this point.

[@marywiggins7411]

Stop letting that critical voice in, pretend it's a solicitor that you shut the door on. No sale. Do something YOU want to do. Get a massage. Take a trip someplace new. Do something your parent was afraid to do. I was raised in fear of so many things, it's hard to let go of it. Just do one or two things, try it.

[@Waggingtailsfl]

You know. Thinking about what you said, I’m distributing pretty well. I became disabled, lost everything, no support, no anything. Yet I’m doing, at least financially, better than probably 60 percent of Americans. I’m I where I want to be? No yet. But still a big pat on the back for me.

[@wendybothma3548]

A big pat on the back from me to you too!❤

[@OG_lesliedixon]

Thank you! OMG I have beaten myself senseless my entire life over this.

[@JayLangly]

You shouldn't. I've seen life get to the biggest badas*es who thought they were untouchable.

[@BOOcketMan]

Recently I came across this baker who said “life is about choosing which hardships are worth it.” And I think about that a couple times a day ever since.

[@artaizen1613]

sometimes, you kinda need a random stranger saying "you've done a good job!!!!"

[@boomeradvocate]

Metaphor is spot on. I am finally retired recently, but spent 35+ yrs on the hamster wheel in all departments of production. Divorced with 2 children in diapers, and no child support, or other support system. So, I knew it was all on me in every category. I was running 24/7 on that wheel for 20 yrs. Naturally, I always felt like I was falling short in every category. Yet, somehow the world didn't end. It was rough trying to be a good & present parent while simultaneously feeding the corporate monster saying do more...always do more. Well, somehow I did it. Even though I often felt like a failure, somehow my daughters grew up to well-rounded adults, and I was promoted at work a few times. However, I went to bed most every night feeling like a failure. Now, I can breathe, with only myself to satisfy. Ironically, I still feel like I'm falling short.

[@CTHD13]

@@boomeradvocate I know the feeling. Learning to just “be content or happy within myself” has been harder for me than any task I’ve ever been handed.

[@boomeradvocate]

@CTHD13 That's a fact for me. It's difficult to slow down when life has been in overdrive since I was 18. I'm spending this summer in the rural mountains of Catskills, NY, mainly to force myself to chill out mentally. I'm a city person, so adjustment was hard initially. Halfway through summer, I'm actually feeling more okay with no agenda.

[@Karlien68]

Ow yes...I relate! My therapist said the same...4 years in recovery... Turning 56 on monday...I lost so much time and wish I was in cptsd recovery 30 years ago 😢

[@yellowdayz1800]

Four years in recovery with a therapist? If I may ask.

[@francescafrancesca3554]

🫂 you're still here. That means there's time 🫶. Don't let the opinions or limitations of others be your own if they hinder the things you want in life. Ily my fellow human. You are strong. You are doing it already. Just be. 🫂🫂🫂💛

[@Karlien68]

@@yellowdayz1800 No...I am doing my recovery in ACA(D) and Coda....since shortly I have brainspotting sessions...

[@Karlien68]

@@francescafrancesca3554 🙏💜 So exhausted though...my inner crotical parent and pushy part are rampant sometimes 😂 Becoming impatient...just want to be able to feel at ease 😪

[@denisealexander7317]

❤

[@Ominous89]

I came from a total of 30 years of complex trauma. Only the last 3 years have been normal. I came a long way with self inquiry and complex trauma processing. This is my second year of permanent and total abstinence from alcohol. I eat better. I think better. I'm developing healthier habits and rituals. Yes, I am working on things that could be better. CPTSD is a lifelong maintenance. All without a therapist. I immerged myself in psychology, became my own psychiatrist, my own therapist, my own best friend, and I adopted my own inner child to raise it like my own child. From there also spiritual archetypes are starting to evolve. I became the clairvoyant, the alchemist, even the sorcerer who came back to lift the curses from my inner child. Healing is not linear. But I do believe I'm actually getting somewhere with actually trauma processing. I finally allow myself to enjoy my life.

[@stevea6330]

I can so relate to you... Quitting just isn't an option.

[@Ominous89]

@@stevea6330 never. It becomes a habit, ritual and meditation overtime. CPTSD requires lifelong maintenance. It is what it is. The more I went through my complex trauma processing, the more I value and respect myself for having survived all the dire, absurd and adverse conditions, and now for getting past all that. I'm finally in control. It is exactly why quitting and falling off the wagon will never be an option; unconditional love and respect for the self.

[@lizwilliamson8332]

Well done you’re doing so well 👍

[@Kizzalovespugs]

Can so relate to u . I'm 36 almost identical situation. U sound very self aware and a really interesting person xx

[@jennifera777]

I’ve tried this but I couldn’t keep the focus on my inner child. I even put a pic of me as a two year old on my phone screen saver.. how do you do it?

[@klemen4686]

This. I am scattered all over the bloody place trying to find the solution for pretty much everything. And i can't bloody find anything that would really work. I don't know. I'll follow this channel. It seems like the most down to earth, supportive spot i could find.

[@pippipants]

If you have any childhood trauma issues I thoroughly recommend Patrick Teahan on KZbin. I would also recommend seeing a doctor if you are struggling with your mental health. It is an illness and there are things that can help you cope and feel better.

[@klemen4686]

​@@pippipants Thanks, i will check it out. I mean i am taking medications, but the whole story is far more complicated. In either case, i think right now i can't miss by keeping things on a small, manageable level.

[@sharlharmakhis280]

Thanks man. Legit needed to hear this today. Job hunt is sucking absolute road salt, I'm burnt out on a hobby I usually enjoy (writing), and the state of the world is... ~waves hadn in a vaguely despairing gesture~, so of course my mental health is tanking, and this is all leading to self-blame. I needed this metaphor *so freaking badly* right now.

[@vivianvielma4003]

Exactly. Bad day today. This was encouraging. Ok, I'll stop beating myself up today and just chill. Tomorrow is another day.

[@debbiedelong8633]

So needed this today. So close to giving up. Thank you

[@OG_lesliedixon]

@@debbiedelong8633 Me too! I’m rooting for us both! ❤️❤️❤️

[@jordicoll]

I realized you made this video at the day of my birthday (27 June) and you spent almost 20 minutes telling your audience that we are doing better, that's something I needed to hear, thanks, you are doing good man. Take care everyone 😄

[@avivashore3769]

Thank you Dr. Scott! I have recurrent dreams/ nightmares about never getting it all done. In real life too. I feel overwhelmed. This video opened my eyes . I am actually proud of myself now.

[@chuckleberrypi]

tysm for this reassurance. I am 35; over the last 5 years I have been really coming to terms with the childhood traumas that i faced. all the emotional labor in the last few years has forced me to put financial gains on the back burner. I realized that i was working so much to avoid dealing with my emotional issues. I may not have much money, but I'm more emotionally healthy than i ever have been.

[@Shedrick_Goldsmith]

This metaphor was extremely helpful in reeling in my unrealistic expectations I put on myself. I am doing a great job in life, and will redistribute my energy to other priorities when my main ones are at a satisfactory level of operating.

[@NavaSDMB]

Than you. I tend to work in multilingual environments. For decades I've been encouraging people about their language skills: "your Xyzish is better than you think. Yes, you sometimes butcher grammar, can't find the right word or whatever - but that happens in your first language too. Accept the mistake and move on." You're saying the same thing about this "living on" stuff we're all doing our best about.

[@vivianeprudentiabuelens9142]

Keep holding on ‼️ 0:00

[@Wooddweller]

Thank you 🥹

[@Cat-rm4rx]

❤

[@SecretSecretSecretTunnel]

14:50 I'd love if you could expand more, maybe in a future video, about how you recognize your boundaries and avoid overworking yourself and burning out. One of the most daunting parts of improving my life and mental health is that I cannot tell the difference between pushing through my instinct to totally avoid my anxieties, and pushing past my limits of energy and attention and hurting myself.

[@matthewandz]

In a nut shell, count your blessings. You have two arms two legs and a working brain, you can think feel love talk and imagine. These are your wonderful blessings

[@montereyspike]

Thank you...for giving me the, "permission" to lower the bar. I am so sick of feeling like a failure, of letting those voices of my abusers in my head, win yet again. I have been through things that would literally kill, perhaps 999 out of a thousand people. I am still VERTICAL and I should be thankful and AMAZED at myself, for this fact alone. Anyhow, I thank you so much for this uplifting message and encouragement, Dr. Eilers. Your timing (or timing of the Universe) was impeccable, just what I needed to here today.

[@denisealexander7317]

🫂

[@champ6327]

One advice that came to my mind immediatelly is that you are not limited to just 2 choices. The thing that came to my mind is that you could rotate them all like once everyday/week/month focus all energy on the main things that you want and get them back up and running to maximum productivity and level up then when you place the focus on something else it falls down but not on the level that you started at in the beginning. Atleast that's what i believe and it helps myself from blaming myself and beating myself up for not doing good enough on those areas because i remind myself that i am not focusing on them and that their time will come in time and i can fulfill my duties and wants in those areas then. Hope this helped somebody❤ -Champ

[@rocktorrocks]

Thank you so much for this video. I’ve struggled with OCD, anxiety, and ADHD and am trying to take care of my physical and mental health, perform at a highly demanding job, and maintain family responsibilities at home. I feel like I’m struggling and just keeping afloat in all these areas and it makes me think I’m a failure and not good enough. The to do list seems to grow faster than I can check it off and many days I just hit a wall and shut down and end up wasting precious hours of time. I’ve been beating myself up a lot the last year and your video brought me some much needed comfort.

[@brookechang4942]

I get what you meant to say, and I appreciate it. I think the more concise phrasing is something like "evaluate yourself by how well you prioritise allocating the resources you have, not by how well each area of your life is resourced". It reminds me a lot of how people sometimes handle money during severe financial stress. (cw: poverty after this point). When you have to choose between paying rent or buying groceries, choosing to pay rent so you have a safe place to sleep is a good decision, and the person making it is doing a good job no matter how much the credit card company or whoever complains about overdue payments.

[@gyeongchankim5423]

Modern society requires so much responsibility for each individual to survive. Perhaps I am lazy, but being earnest in modern standard is just too much for me.

[@jaynemcdowall497]

I need to do more for my family. I’m in the process of understanding how much I can do and what I am capable of. Huge difference.

[@user-pm7ck6ij9s]

This is such a great message. I don't remember the last time I had fun because it matters more to me that I am at least servicing the responsibilities on my plate and I need to find contentment in those pursuits. The best time of my adult life was hands down the pandemic - 3 months alone at home, no work. I could sleep, cook, draw and paint and walk my dogs with all the other districts closed. I felt like I finally had enough resources to service my needs, and worrying about having no money coming in was manageable because I had so many other resources to draw on. Then the world opened up again...

[@PaleOpal21]

I'm definitely doing a horrible job. My therapist of almost four years just discharged me stating she has run out of options for me. I saw this coming but it's still difficult. I was told to find a new therapist. I can't imagine having to go through all of this from the beginning again. My physical health is now suffering and at this point I given up.

[@Thalanox]

Maybe you can ask them for notes to give to the next therapist? You've invested plenty of time articulating your situation and your actions so far, and if a therapist tells another therapist that, using the specific medical jargon of their field, then the new therapist will be able to brief themselves and get up to speed much more quickly. You can still pull some good from this situation and have faster forward steps for the next round in the battle.

[@DrScottEilers]

I'm so sorry, I hate hearing about things like this. If a therapist runs out of ideas, the therapist should develop more ideas, not discharge the client.

[@PaleOpal21]

​@@Thalanox Thank you

[@PaleOpal21]

​@@DrScottEilers Thank you

[@hew-r5q]

​@@DrScottEilersI agree. This is a reflection on the therapist, not the client in my opinion.

[@Nyt250]

The added complexity and mainly the burden of expectations and responsibilities is a main drive in the rise of mental illness, especially among younger people. This needs to be fundamentally addressed.

[@MarianneMcVeigh-xz2yv]

The pressure never ends even when you're older like myself at 65 years. There are grand children that need attention and resources are limited because age limits energy. I totally get this. It is so hard to do everything and appease others at the same time. Thank you for your video. ❤

[@marywiggins7411]

@@MarianneMcVeigh-xz2yv same. Heard loud and clear. I want to do more and be more, but it's exhausting

[@doubleambition5211]

Managing to still be myself despite feeling down...and moving forward in life is exceptional. :)

[@jlaurelc]

Thank you SO much for this message, which runs contrary to so much of the messaging out there telling us we can have it all - the IG perfect life - we just need to "lean in" or "hustle" or "love the grind" or whatever the phrase of the moment is. Thanks for resetting the standard, or at least reminding us to question it. This metaphor is great. It takes abstract psychological pressure and frames it as a concrete and unemotional problem, which is so much easier to look at rationally. I really needed to hear this.

[@veeveemille8830]

Thanks so much for this! It really helps those of us who battle self-loathing.

[@heathermortimer1126]

this has helped me a lot thank you, I'm very sick right now, and yes doing the bare minimum to keep going, feeling like a failure. But your right all things considered I'm doing ok, keeping my home looking ok and getting up every day , to do what needs to be done. Love your analogy, Thank You so much, that was just the boost i needed to keep going.

[@muditamarathe6086]

The metaphor was on point. This was a much needed reminder. Your words got me crying in the end with a feeling that finally someone gets it. Thank you very very much dr. You give hope and empathy which has an inexplainably hug(e) effect. God bless you❤

[@trawll8659]

Spending at least 1 hour a day doing frivolous things like going for a drive or video games is what makes me okay with the rest of my life just being good. If I was only doing work and practical activities I would go insane and probably have mental health problems.

[@erinflood9623]

I could really relate to the example you gave. I currently work at a major home improvement retail store that is understaffed, but I have decided that I can give excellent customer service even though I am not an expert on how to fix things around the house. After watching your video on ambiguous grief, I realized that I am not experiencing the opportunities in front of me because I am pining for a failed dream from 30 years ago. Spot on. Thank you. 🙂

[@TheClarity101]

This hit hard; mum died before the pandemic and in the time since I’ve had to save up for surgery, adopted the family dog, lost my home, lost my job, got a flat, built a business as a pt while trying to work towards my passion job I want (animation), upskill as a coach and finish a novel manuscript and while my house is kinda messy, I’ve managed to knock over most of these things or be consistent despite my mental health and the fact I need to shut down every weekend entirely over a five year stretch. I’m not optimal, but I’m slowly chipping away on progress

[@rrivierareject03]

Gods bless the algorithm for this one! That metaphor makes SO much sense and can also be extended and this is the perfect way for me to describe what is going on with me: Mom-and-Pop resources, global demands, poor national circumstances.

[@splosionsmcgee]

Metaphors are my favorite learning, and thanks for the self-compassion pep talk, kick start, reminder, whatever......I find that, regardless of when you post vs when I watch, I tend to get the right things from you at the right times I need them.....or maybe you just have ALL the wisdoms, and ALL the times are right times, IDK, regardless, thank you for what you do here.

[@sandieking9007]

I love this analogy. I will extrapolate for myself. I was widowed 20 months ago. My capacity for all things went down significantly. I had to redirect resources to deal with huge new administrative tasks. I often ask myself why I am not back on line 100%. This analogy is really helpful.

[@eyeballdude]

This makes alot of sense. I’ve closed down all stores except two (wife and work) but production is still not enough since the manufacturing plant is worn and broken. Yet the main store (wife) now wants me to reopen more stores. I don’t know…

[@SueEllenSmith-ju4ot]

Hinted ...Attempt to kill my honor is necessary ending. Spot unconfident in my self and avoid those type, learning to listen without responding . Surprised reaction. Conversation over. Still building support . 😊 Raises vibration to imagine a successful book writing venture.

[@jenniferfullmer4783]

This is a brilliant metaphor! It explains a lot of behavior I've seen in others, not just my own messy house.😂

[@tamaradrobbins]

100% Accurate Analogy … I’ve been picking & choosing where I expend my resources for decades. Work, Select Relationships (kids/romantic partner), & survival come 1st. Everything else is low priority. I’ve learned to say no often “to side distractions” from others that can’t relate to how I live. Has to be this way or the “basic survival essentials” don’t get done & bad things happen like a total shut down. Self preservation comes first & others opinions of you that have more resources / energy for whatever reason becomes “it just is what it is” & I’m over trying to explain it or fit in.

[@skytten64]

Im Alive and have roof over my head and food.. That's Enough for Me now.. People Trying to push Me forward..but it's my Life!..one little thing everyday and Im satisified..or just being..That's ok to😊❤

[@jimwakefield6705]

I'm at the age where my mind keeps making promises that my body can't fill.

[@brandonplays702]

I think that can happen at any age though

[@66el]

Love they way you put it.

[@heatherrogers548]

I think a lot of us are going to quote you for the rest of our lives! 😂

[@boomeradvocate]

@jimwakefield6705 That's fantastic way to put it! Hardest thing is accepting that my body is not the same.

[@ccam504]

Love that 😅 now I know what’s going on!

[@suziebee4240]

I just recently talked with my therapist about how i worry about how ill fail in the future, despite doing well currently, and it doesnt help my mental health. Im doing okay right now.

[@elspethboyd8074]

this is the nicest thing I've heard for ages. Thank you!

[@seg112380]

I really relate to the way that you think. Listening to this made me realize that even though most areas of my life are functioning well, I’m constantly judging myself based on how I feel while I’m managing everything. Like I’ll get annoyed with myself for being anxious or tense or for having negative thoughts. Even if I’ve had a successful day by every other measure. So I basically can’t win because if I’ve felt any kind of internal struggle then I see that as a failure. Wow, thanks for that thought, brain. 🙄

[@samwarner2668]

It makes sense. It sounds similar to The Spoon Theory but not everyone already lives by counting spoons. It’s perfectionism

[@kdjourney51]

We are measuring that high ceiling, right. In so many sectors of our lives… Thanks for talking about the brain burn out. And exhaustion. And dissolving the shame around our brain just saying- no more. Your heart can be willing… you can even have a plan… but enough. It is time to nourish.

[@Lauren_bex]

indeed, I go from trying and feeling I made some progress, to suddenly feeling worse and stepping back two steps, feeling frustrated like I want to give up. I go from high to deep lows to why even try at this point. Feeling awkward, like I'm out of comfort zone etc.

[@denisealexander7317]

❤❤❤

[@thegrimharvest]

Same. Same. Literally me.

[@ajwillustratorauthor]

So lower the bar. Big goal. Small steps. Distribute your resources (time energy attention) evenly. Don’t die ❤

[@gromulus2885]

Thank you for your message and for trying to help people. People like you are in tragically short supply.

[@_jin4323]

Genuinely thank you for this video. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. Your words legit made me tear up. Your metaphor clicked perfectly with my logistically minded brain. I've had 1 day off in the past 18 days and ive been running on empty especially trying to manage 5 different applications to further my career, personal medical issues, friendships, personal responsibilities, and that's even before the existential dread of finding the energy to look for a relationship or to just process how messed up the world is at the present moment. I think from now on instead of saying "it is what it is," I'll say something like "The supply chain sends what it can!"

[@shawtypopine6259]

I just found you today and you’re probably my favorite mental health channel already. You’re realistic. You put everything into words with experience not just facts. It’s realistic and it’s actually helping for once.

[@kathrynarnold1966]

You describe it well. I commend you for your ongoing achievements in satisfying your responsibilities and breaking new ground that prevents stagnation. Integral to that is admiration for keeping your eye on the Philippians 4:8 ball. I wish I had your counsel before. Without giving the necessary attention to safeguarding and improving my production supply, I shut down whole regions and wore myself thin struggling to keep the remaining stores open. If I named advice I need right now it's how to deal with self-pity. It's not helping. It's energy I don't have to spare and it's making things worse.

[@SuperChicagoDude]

This is an amazing video.. You helped me reframe my insights and outlook. I felt I was lacking, but now I realize I am doing well. I think another helpful idea is to consistently reprioritize, so if there is something lacking more than other things, you can emphasize working on the stuff you think needs a little more attention... Thank you for helping reframe everything more positively, I appreciate you, your assistance and your channel!

[@mikosdanes]

Really really awesome metaphor. It makes me feel more accomplished knowing I'm keeping all the stores open instead of feeling like a failure in that I haven't made all the stores amazing and at top performance. Really cool. Thank you for that. Sometimes changing perspective brings it all into focus

[@pysq8]

Your metaphor reveals that I'm winning when I couldn't see it based on my prior measurements. 🎉❤

[@jdprettynails]

My job and relationship both fell apart. Now I’m just focusing on sorting out my living space and my health bit by bit. It’s all I have energy for now.

[@darylarceta]

Medically diagnosed with Bipolar here. I slept a little earlier than usual and now I am awake at 2am. Thank you for this video. Just subscribed! Will now try to get some sleep.

[@Mulberry792]

I think this explains a reoccurring dream that I have about being in college and totally skipping 2 courses. We all have a lot going on - health, family, finances, jobs, friends… This was a great video.

[@shirleyjackson3893]

I really needed to hear this today. I am overwhelmed by what needs done and not having the energy to do it.

[@1Adventurerider]

Your metaphor is literally my job. I am in production management and I suffer these woes every day in addition to my life issues. I feel completely wasted and burnt out each and every day. I feel like I'm treading water.

[@DebRoo11]

Same scenario here. And grossly under paid. Giving everything i have and slipping behind

[@Roswell33]

Man it feels good to be affirmed. That's something I always tried to give my clients back when I was able to work - many many years ago. I've gotten much sicker and way more traumatized since then, despite my upbringing being unimaginably traumatic. It's something I've really struggled to find for myself - scraps of reassurance, it's amazing how many therapists don't give it at all. I was feeling like giving up this week, I know my therapist can't help me, but the worst part is helping others and not finding what you need for yourself, its hard not to become bitter

[@ryanmaloney752]

I can work very hard, and when it’s something I am excited about(at the time) I put in a tremendous effort in short bursts, but I feel like I am lazy in almost all aspects of my life. I want to be better but I can seem to bridge the gap between wanting to be good and being good at said tasks. There are times where I feel very accomplished (few and far between) and the rest of the time I feel like an utter failure; no in-between. Very black and white.

[@susanbusby46]

Every word you said meant so much to me, thank you. Since my husband died over two years ago I am coping with EVERYTHING and feeling I need to do more. Some friends tell me I am doing so well but I feel I fall short although I am now doing the work of two. Thank you, you make me think more positively

[@CH-fc8dm]

This metaphor is outstanding. So hard to grasp this lived experience without trying to simply making excuses or constantly criticizing myself. Trying to focus on and manifest abundance but the struggle is very, sometimes brutally real.

[@Sarah-zr1nj]

I was doing a good job at managing my failing mental health until about a week and a half ago. Nothing catastrophic happened. Nobody died. Nothing caught on fire. But my mental health went into a rapid tailspin and crashed into the ground. I’m probably going to lose my job because I took so much time off visiting doctors and specialists to help me. I wish I had found this video before my mental health had gotten to that point. It might have convinced me to take it a little easier on myself before things came to a head.

[@phnsinrspt]

That's a very clear metaphor and an amazing thought I really reaaaaly needed. That's what is going on with me for past several months. It always felt like I could do much better, even in smaller things, but the thing is - if I could, I would. I couldn't. Sometimes I was at the bottom, and survived, which is truly an achievement. I spent everything I had to graduate to the point I almost completely collapsed. Your videos helped me when I was laying in my bed for days, unable to move or eat and questioning my whole life and identity - I celebrated my small steps. I'm working on going on, praising myself for continuing and trying to slowly increase my production of resources. Amazing video. Thank you, Dr. Scott.

[@Mimi-ry4dt]

Thank you. Such a RELIEF -- to hear someone else say: I think that doing great at everything that matters is actually not possible ..., and to hear it from someone like you with your skills and experience.

[@ryanhomcy7759]

This is a really really helpful explanation. I've been going through an insane amount of change recently and have struggled with SI and overwhelm with the amount of work I need to do to see the changes I want to make in recovery. I'm starting to practice recognizing adequacy in my efforts and gratitude for the help I've received and work I've put in. The more I practice those things, the more manageable my life seems. I don't need a perfect life for it to be worth living.

[@julie2904]

I agree so much. I actually forward this video to my husband to try explain it to him that he isn't doing nowhere near as bad as he tells himself sometimes.

[@danielafraser4811]

Thank you so much for this. You made me feel so much better. I am trying to learn being patient with myself ❤ you are amazing, and l am so tired . But l am trying not to feel a failure. X

[@ItsTarotAndBeyond]

100% agree, especially in this isolationist, hyper-independent, capitalist society

[@shellyfox9338]

I have watched this video every morning for the last two weeks. THANK YOU.

[@DrScottEilers]

Thank you so much!!

[@placebo106]

Well, thank you, I really needed this, especially after I've just quit something that could have helped me to level up, I just couldn't cope with the pressure and stress. I will re-watch it from time to time as a reminder.

[@alexolszewski1553]

keep doing what you are doing. you helped me.

[@elllxxxnnn]

this is so relatable and explained what we've going through days. and now i know i am not alone and doing well