The Hidden Struggles of Transitioning: Midway Hurdles!

[@BeckiLynn_N]

OMG, this is exactly where I am. I'm feeling great from HRT, but I'm feeling increasingly despondent over everything else. I feel uncomfortable because I can't pass yet I'm trying to present feminine. Thank you for letting me know that I'm not unique in this 😢

[@DRZPHD]

Not alone at all. Give yourself grace and know all the things you are doing do add up!

[@aemiliadelroba4022]

I am in middle too , not easy , it is challenging, sometimes I don’t know what is going on , changes I mean , we are changing . This is the road not taken before , sometime I feel alone , but then I meet others like me and we share things we have in common , our experience, our feelings .❤❤❤

[@Jayme-1337]

I transitioned to an androgynous appearance during the awkward middle phase. This allowed more changes from HRT before presenting 100% femme. Plus it’s fun to confuse people when they can’t automatically assume your gender.

[@margotkeulen1086]

A little bit gendergeluid / non binair y like me!?

[@harrispinkham]

Yeah I kinda find that fun too. At least they’re not straight away clocking me as the wrong gender 😃

[@emarylliss]

for me most people just either dont use pronouns or just doesn't really want to talk to me cos they are confused on what to say

[@marradka2584]

Maybe, can you do a video on “wanting to pass” vs. “not-wanting to pass”? I can see how not-passing can have a honeymoon period of self-expression and especially if you are surrounded by people who accept you. And I can also understand a honeymoon period of feeling like a gender rebel or maybe even an activist. But in the long run I don’t understand how not-passing is practical to go through life as because transphobia, social anxiety … in my imagination not-passing would feel like a perpetual transition that never gets to the end. Like I have been transitioning for a long time and it feels like it will never end. I don’t know what the end is, like if I don’t eventually pass then bottom surgery is just another way to be gender nonconforming and rebellious, but being gender non conforming as the wrong gender instead of gender nonconforming and also being the right gender

[@richardmanguse6022]

I’m older. I had no expectations of ever passing. When misgendered I just say I’m a woman of transgender experience. Started HRT three years ago, started living full time two years ago. Thinking about surgery. One of my biggest hurdles is clothing. 40 hours a week I wear the same clothes as everyone else in my shop, male or female. Interacting with the public is sometimes a challenge. Public bathrooms are the worst at work, it seems like I’m in between.I’m so glad when female pronouns appear. It’s been a bumpy journey but I live as an authentic me. Thank you for your many kindnesses Dr. Z.

[@rob1921]

one of your biggest issue is your mental health... your a man and will die a man.... if god forbid they ever dig your bones up years after you die they will say they have found a make skeleton... stop kidding yourself that your a woman,, you never have been and never will be...

[@ma-sa1986]

This is where I’m at too around the one year mark on HRT, I feel like I can almost pass but I’m on that tipping point.. in some pics and mirrors I can see the real me, I cannot wait until I see only her all the time.

[@immersiveexperiences4799]

the cost is the biggest hurdles for me. My insurance at work is self funded and they exclude gender affirming care.

[@aemiliadelroba4022]

me too , They don’t pay , I had to pay for all tests and medical bills and HRT … 😮

[@TheClarity101]

I have had to put off literally years of travel plans for ffs, I am praying this is everything I want it to be

[@Natalia-wh5og]

i'm at 3.5y and the dopamine from achieving all of my transition milestones has subsided. in its place, I'm filled with incredible uncertainty over the my future as the world becomes increasingly transphobic and vocal about it. I pass and get called she/her 98% of the time, but I feel like most people know that i'm trans in my town so it doesn't mean I'm living in stealth exactly. which makes me not want to travel or explore the world over fears for my safety. same fears for trying out recreational sports, or playing online games with a mic. that cuts back on simple hobbies that interest me by quite a bit!! ppl are super mean. dating is also abysmal and I feel like just a sexual object to both women and men. I don't expect much further changes and I'm unhappy with the result overall even though my friends swear i'm really pretty. thanks for making a video for the elder trans crowd, I don't relate much to the early trans content anymore.

[@time4clocks]

I don't think I would be comfortable in a town where if anyone asks, "do any transgender people live here?" and then everyone gives them your address. 🤣🤣Good heavens! I do hope you will be able to find and have a meaningful relationship though. That part is difficult, at least for me, but I'm an introvert and scared of everything. 🌷😁

[@Johnny_T779]

I had that plateau phase at year 2-3 (FTM). I was still misgendered and it sucked. Then my facial hair finally decided to come in more, and my thighs started to change shape the 4th year. Seems like suddenly nobody misgendered me anymore out of the blue. I had to rewatch my videos documenting my transition (1 a month) to finally see where was the tipping point. I strongly recommend to everyone to record videos of themselves (even if you don't want to post them online) to be able to see what others see. A mirror doesn't work. Record yourself talking, moving, the most casually as possible. Even in my plateau phase, rewatching old videos and comparing them to the new one was comforting, because I could see the changes. They hadn't stopped, just slowed down. Now at almost year 6, changes are still happening but very slowly. Hold on, you'll get there!

[@DRZPHD]

Great feedback! Thank you for sharing!

[@toddandrews9829]

I'm at this stage, doing electrolysis for 2+ years now and still have full mustache and goatee with stubble under jawline and neck. Hour and a half every week. Not attempting to pass just wearing gender specific clothing like tops and jeans to work for safety purposes and leggings on days off. My age size and build I will never be "passable" but I'm trying to work around it even in the conservative area I live just to attempt presenting. It's difficult and not easy. Thank you Dr.Z, from the bottom of my heart.❤️🙏

[@aemiliadelroba4022]

My first “ part “ was not that bad , I made appointment to see doctor and after checking for few times and talking I decided to do it , The first part is for some like confronting and affirming yourself, who you are why you want transition ….. Middle part ( I am now ) is more challenging, ….when you notice changes in you ,,,,, It is a process and it takes time ….😊❤

[@s.4760]

Im in that stage. I have to let my facial hair grow out to have electrolysis. And its taking forever. The worst part is the hormones are changing my body and im so happy with that; but i have to slow down or micro dose , because im not going to present myself as a female with a 5 o'clock shadow. This is very aggravating. The worst will be if the electrolysis doesn't work due to someone just taking my money. Not trusting the people helping you is the worst.

[@iZoopSoul]

Thank you Dr. Z! This channel has been of so much help in my journey of self-discovery

[@FokudaIsao]

Although I’m in my 40s, I’m now able to pass as a young man, 😅. I know puberty might not be the proper word, but it does describe quite well how I feel. I feel only half of me had gone through puberty and growing up to become an adult, and now the other half of me, despite all the hurdles, is finally getting a chance to do the same thing. I like the idea of taking pictures because it has helped me get a grip of reality whenever I feel stuck. It even helped me a few weeks ago, when disforia hit pretty hard to the point I was seeing my transition going backwards.

[@wlmctl1887]

Puberty is exactly the word....in all its glory, with all it's trials and tribulations as well...

[@eddi9577]

Yes thats me right now. 1.5 years on T, levels suddenly dropped, get more misgendering than few weeks ago and losing it. Thanks for what you say. The only thing I struggle is what you said in the end - that web are playing long game. As a late transitioner, I really feel like I don't have a day or a minute more, I really think about this - what if I simply don't live long enough to finally live completely as myself? There is so much to achieve and so little time..

[@Journey-of-1000-Miles]

I am a little more than two years into transition. While my appearance and presentation are not feminine enough for me to pass, those who are aware and sensitive, recognize the details and are now beginning to use my preferred pronouns without me having to say anything.

[@aemiliadelroba4022]

I feel the same , but the changes come , you notice them first , and others too begin to notice …. 😊❤ It takes time ,,,, 😊

[@deathguitarist12]

That time in year 2->3 that you are in is a fucking trip. Expect things to start shifting pretty rapidly this year. That seems to be when folks pass that plateau and it will pass before you realize it and are maybe even ready for it. I just got past year 3. Around 2.5 years I realized after a bunch of reflection that I had reached the mythical after stage. Most people read me as female (as long as I am not talking). It totally shifts how people, especially ciswomen will interact with you. They really start accepting you as one of their own at that point. Early transition folks also start getting really jealous and difficult to deal with. I had one earlier this year in the most self deprecating way imaginable telling me that she is sooo jealous that I am cis passing due to a photo I had posted. She couldn't get it through her thick skull that I was just posed properly and the 10 photos I took before that were all duds.. Wow I am rambling like crazy. Tldr, your perspective is going to undergo a huge transformation this year.

[@marti7343]

Maintaining hope and having patience are key. I am two years on HRT, having undergone hair removal, voice training, and a hair transplant, which is yet to see results (They are coming I am told). I am still misgendered a lot. What is hardest for me is accepting what I cannot change - my shoulders, my chest, my height. I know I must adjust to those things. I hope for more changes and am glad for what has happened so far. Yes, you go through profound physical changes, but it is important to recognize you also are shifting how you relate emotionally. Most importantly, I have no regrets and am a happier person feeling more in touch with myself and others.

[@MsChristyCox]

You nailed the Dr z.

[@AlatheD]

I am about a year and 4 months on testosterone. About a month ago, all of a sudden, strangers started using masculine terms instead of feminine (sir instead of ma'am, etc). It literally felt like it happened overnight. My mustache is only a tad thicker than it ever was (yes, I've always had plenty of long dark fuzz on my upper lip), and my "beard" is just these two little patches on the bottom of my chin. But it seems that fat redistribution I'd been waiting for kicked in. I'm in my late 40s, it feels a little odd to have the facial hair of a 14 year old boy. So I'm still dealing with some of the in-betweens. It's good to know that this is a common struggle.

[@ldburroughs]

For me, at least, it was settling into the early phases of my social transition that proved to be the most difficult. I didn’t shift slowly. I selected a date and started presenting full time. By this point I had been on hrt for more than a year and had legally changed my name. Finding myself and my personal style was absolutely terrifying, even with all the support I had. This was also during the same time our family was on TLC in Lost in Transition. It was just so hard. I’m happy to report that I made it to the other side and that it did get better. For those in this phase, be kind to yourself - and others. Be patient with yourself - and others. Seek help, support, and a find a good therapist. Hang in there! You can do this!

[@SalonJuan]

I’m kind of at that point right now… I design cranial prosthetics for men and women with thinning hair and hair loss and was really known for giving free education on Instagram and KZbin… I have deleted so many videos and it’s been really weird for me too post.. I know my audience has noticed something’s been going on and I know more changes are coming and it’s really mostly in my own head .. but it’s real. I think this was a very important and powerful video to put out for individuals of a transgender experience.. again thank you for what you’re doing for the community

[@kid_missive]

Thanks for the outstanding work you do, as usual. It's funny - a couple years before hormones, the idea of being on them and reaching simply an androgenous state seemed like a perfect fantasy. I recall imagining that nothing more would be required or desired if I could only get that far. Funny how my expectations shift with results - there has always been a moving goal post with my physical affirmation. Does that make the whole journey feel futile? No. It just means this will not get boring, and will always be new little things to celebrate. On a good day at least. lol :)

[@HShreve]

Good advice Dr. Z. This is why I did two things before even getting hormones from my endocrinologist. First, I did 3 consults from different FFS surgeons and got feedback from the surgeons on whether they thought I would be pretty and passable as a female. Second, I scheduled my FFS surgery for September 2025. I am just getting ready to start hormones so that I can avoid this phase as much as possible.

[@miyahollands6136]

I like what you've done to hide the door! sometimes, it's the simplest change that has the biggest impact. and that's something everyone can use in their lives

[@CNickRose]

I'm in the middle phase right now, and one of the unexpectedly hardest things is working up the courage to tell people I want to change my name from a gender-neutral nickname I've used my whole life to a more masculine name that isn't at all connected to the one I was given at birth.

[@brydybry]

Have been feeling this being in my third year. Trying to keep the long game in mind!

[@Monica-gj2yx]

I have not seen anybody not go through this phase.

[@harrispinkham]

I’m in this in between period atm. It’s incredibly hard but I’m getting less misgendered due to my voice lowering a lot on T and I think there is some fat redistribution even though it’s hard for me to see. I can’t WAIT for the facial hair but I know it can take time.

[@MemoNavarro-s9l]

*patient

[@Journey-of-1000-Miles]

You are absolutely correct. 8:10 I always have a beard shadow, no matter how freshly shaven I am. This is a fact that holds me back.

[@deathguitarist12]

One of the happiest moments in my life was rhe first time i actually saw my real self in the mirror. It happened right around the 2 year mark in medical transiton. Now that im at over 3 years in medical transition i almost always see my real self in the mirror and it's kind of mind blowing. My case was a little unusual because i socially transitioned about 4.5 years before i medically started transition. And the difference is immense. I feel like im at a really weird point now. Im definitely past the middle point of my transition. The only thing that seems to clock me at this point is my voice. Passing for me was never a goal until it was actually possible, so i never bothered with it. Ive been working on that for a while. Most people read me as female these days. I still have dysphoria around my face that others dont seem to notice So that leaves me in this weird liminal state. Im too much in the after stage to be in the middle, but still with a coule of toes touching the middle stage. Its something that sits in my mind a lot lately. Ive been accepted into the after spaces of post transition folks, but totally feel like an imposter even though they vasically dragged me in kicking and screaming. But im also so far past the middle transition stuff at this point that i can no longer relate to the middle transition folks and their problems. Idk its just a weird spot to be in. i am accepted and belonging in the after spaces with but with ffs and voice lingering in the background. Making me feel like i truly dont belong in either.

[@MemoNavarro-s9l]

Dr Z Thank you very very much I really needed to hear this to go on. Now I feel much more hopeful and will be more pariente. God bless you

[@MemoNavarro-s9l]

*patient

[@Christine_Robyn]

I am 6 months on HRT. So far, I have not seen any real physical changes except the tone and texture of my skin. I am preparing myself the issues that are going to come up as the changes become obvious. I guess we all have to deal with this.

[@fernfaba]

i cried so much to this video. i desperately need a video for coping

[@KariellaAlleirak]

Dr. Z - Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! you so get it... I love your videos. thank you for creating them. I have stopped watching all these before and after influencers that are not showing us the truth... I can so relate to the electrolysis phase where I have to grow my hair to have it removed and on those days it changes how I present, and I have to somewhat code switch to that

[@wlmctl1887]

I needed this video. Found it at the perfect time. Thank you.

[@DRZPHD]

Glad it was helpful!

[@randirosehooper8315]

Thank you Dr Z ❤❤

[@anwaryoussef7511]

Good video Dr Z

[@Prence]

Dr Z, I’m about to have a gastric bypass and I was told that for a month before the surgery and a month after the surgery I would have to completely stop my HRT. I’ve been on hormones for over 4 years, I’m not sure how I’m going to handle not being on estrogen. How am I supposed to deal with no hormones for that long. Any suggestions on how to handle the jump in my dysphoria that I know that’s going to come in the two months. I don’t want to stop my HRT but I know I need to for that time. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Thank you Dr Z.

[@MadelynFraser-v9g]

I've been off estrogen for three weeks for surgery in 5 days. My sympathies! I'm looking forward to Dr Z's response, myself.

[@Prence]

@@MadelynFraser-v9g I know I’ll survive but it’s going to be tough after 4 years. I hope your surgery goes well. My thoughts are with you. ❤️🫂🫶🏻🏳️‍⚧️

[@DRZPHD]

Hi, first of all, this type of requirement, unless there is an actual health concern in regards to you your health, is very mis informed! Here is a blog post on this issue with study cited. Granted it is in regards to gender affirming surgery, however, surgery is surgery, and I send this study to all patients whose doctors are not informed. There are few wasy to go about it: 1. talk to your doc if there are ACTUAL reasons for you to be off HRT? 2. Show them cited study. 3. IF they are still against it, what does your actual provdier who prescribed HRT has to say about it? drzphd.com/trans-feminine-blog-1/yes-study-shows-you-can-remain-on-estrogen-for-gender-affirming-surgery

[@Prence]

@@DRZPHD I’m going to see my endocrinologist next month. I was just informed this morning and the doctor told me that the surgery would be the beginning of the year. I don’t know why I would have to stop taking my HRT but because I don’t understand everything about the surgery I have to go by what the experts in these things say. But I can’t figure out how estrogen would affect the surgery but they are making me take a blood thinner (Eliquis) along with the estrogen and I have to stop that as well. I’m dumb about this stuff. But I will show the study to the gastric doctor and my endocrinologist and my GP and see what they have to say. I’m really worried about my dysphoria and how I know it’s going to get really bad for that time. I’m not worried about the testosterone blockers at that time because I’m hoping to have my orchiectomy before then so not have T won’t be an issue. I just need to know how I’m supposed to handle the dysphoria that I know is going to be really bad. Thank you Dr Z. I wish you were my therapist.

[@Prence]

@@DRZPHD also, when the gastric doctor talks to my endocrinologist next month, my endocrinologist will agree with her and she won’t give me my HRT for that two months. I song have a choice and I’m at the mercy of the doctors.

[@colmonhs]

🙌🙌

[@AvitaB]

Came out in 1988 at 11 years old. Went full time in 2019 at age 42 as Avita began my medical and surgical journey in 2023 HRT start 1/2023 orchie 7/2023 then GRS 7/9/24 and FFS 10/9/24 in the last quarter of 2024 then VFS in first quarter 2025 then I will no longer be in transition and will not identify as transgender only a girl who was born a boy and transition to a girl. I Will get to no longer being clocked once FFS has healed. Being I am almost 50 and going from borderline to passing is huge. Also, I don't use fake video or picture filters on my channel content. I look in real life the same as I do online unlike most who who's these fake filters to fake pass online or a MTF timeline of passing online but don't in real life. The biggest issues is the money $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ to do the surgeries!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@slaxdobbs7519]

sounds overly reductive to me

[@lucystephenson3241]

This content is so on the money. You need to take it as part of the journey, yes it has issues but ultimately it is part of a long journey. The pain and difficulty is in the moment and eventually it will pass. Visualisation techniques are great for this phase. Visualise your end presentation and believe in yourself. We all have down days and that can be part of the learning about self process. It is difficult when you hit a barrier, especially if it is financially linked, but you can do this and work through it. I produced a planned timeline prior to the start of my journey 3 yrs ago. I did anticipate some issues but some you don't, however I have installed contingency routes for foreseeable potential issues.

[@bradmesser4807]

It's always a paintbrush kinda approach. I'm a 14 months into MTF and very androgynous with the clothing I have so far. It feels like the first year is just setting up the initial building blocks, 2nd year handles refining and building on the core changes, and then 3+ years on spent fine-tuning those changes to a point where you really stick the look. A good set of people are passing by year one, with most by year two as far as I can tell. There's always going to be something that doesn't past, but generally still seems to fall within the normal overlap of development between biological males and females.