Embracing the mess -- how compassion saved my life | Garrard Conley | TEDxBG

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. Garrard Conley, a survivor of the controversial “ex-gay” therapy movement, describes his traumatic experience as a gay man growing up in the South. In the years following his escape from extreme prejudice, he has learned one important lesson: compassion has the power to heal wounds, but it is also one of the messiest human emotions.
Garrard Conley is a writer and teacher living in Sofia, Bulgaria. His memoir is forthcoming from Riverhead (Penguin).
About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[@afl9166]

I read Garrard's book because I wanted to be more educated on this topic, since narratives like his barely get media coverage. After having read it, I can confidently say that this is a story that NEEDS to be told and NEEDS to reach a wide audience. Hopefully this movie will give it the attention that it deserves

[@happy-pk6nk]

This book- and the movie based on it. Helped me come out to my parents. It was so difficult because my dad hated homosexuals. After I did he said to me. "Your my son and I will always love you, no matter what" he didn't try to change me. I'm one of the lucky ones.

[@ntels3172]

His speaking is so calming and makes you want to hear it…

[@mrmichel7733]

I’m here because of the movie that is coming. Really excited!

[@meriembrini1373]

Joel Edgerton is making a movie about his memoir "Boy Erased" starring Nicole Kidman and Russel Crowe , and the lead is going to be ,apprently, the boy from Manchester by the Sea , Lucas Hedges. I'm expecting the views for this video will go up by the time movie is out.

[@bronsonmcdonald5473]

I watched the movie. I feel it was very well done, and I am so glad that they made it.

[@sleep2dream_]

He's so cute. Boy Erased killed me and I'm sorry people also had to live through situations like that, but I'm so happy that he survived it to get the story out there. Truly inspirational ❤️❤️

[@rebeccazegstroo6786]

Love your mom! She gets right to the point. Conversation in my family was like tiptoeing through a minefield - so many forbidden topics.

[@robertjazz3613]

His smile brings me life

[@abhy301]

Watched the movie Boy Erased. I've seen this video before but it never felt more uncomfortable. I'm really sorry Garrard for what they have done to you. But look at you, hope never dies. Truth always triumphs.

[@janeimatsuda4979]

it makes me mad that people who love god does this to others....we are supposed to love thy neighbor. This is a strong man and he deserves the world. god bless

[@niccolea2086]

Janei Matsuda they’re fundamentalist.

[@josephduplaga7595]

Yes love the neighbor hate to sin.

[@gaiopescatore]

Thank you. An excellent talk, exposing succinctly the foundation of harmful nonsense on which the “ex-gay” movement is built.

[@jonathandicarlo]

He's such a dork. lol So cute and handsome!

[@terezasantos3112]

No documento mínimo

[@letsgofishingene]

What a kind person. I'm sorry you were treated that way. Stay well.

[@nadinex1127]

i‘ve read boy erased and i‘d recommend it to anyone. i admire garrard so much and wish him all the best. he deserves everything!

[@wotan10950]

Is it really inappropriate for me to say that he’s handsome and personable?

[@9000ck]

No, because he is. He gorgeous inside and out.

[@courtneynorris5852]

Not at all. His self-effacing humility makes him even more beautiful ❤

[@jennyhughes4474]

What a shocking and terrible way to be treated, I'm so sad that this man and others are abused and humiliated in this way. This guy has done so well to survive and has huge courage to stand up and talk about it. I didn't laugh, not once, it made me very very sad that people would use religion to harm others, still, now. I'm glad the leader later saw the light and begged forgiveness but it was way too late for many I'm sure. Garrard Conley: hats off to you for all of this, for not becoming bitter and for educating others so that hopefully nobody else will have to suffer what you did.

[@fsa6963]

Bravo for his truth and his God-given strength to tell it!

[@sfilkins2009]

The movie is wonderful. I bought it in January 2019 and just watched it in February. It was heart-wrenching. Awesome. I'm so glad the movie was made.

[@heinkoko1497]

What is the name of the movie?

[@sfilkins2009]

Boy Erased

[@AB-lw3gl]

He’s so cute and funny. I Stan him

[@paulmiller3509]

Garrard, thank you for sharing that part of your journey. You may never know how much your story may help someone else .

[@deannang455]

IDK Therapy in general seems like retraining camps. 2022 has some bad examples that repeat past uses of "camps." Save your healthcare funds. Research before signing up for any kind of therapy for any issue. Group therapy are super spreaders anyway. Fight Club is a good movie - example of therapy groups, though contain triggers.

[@truogg36]

He's so cute!

[@ABookNerd]

Having the people laugh actually highlights the gravitas of the situation. I get him wanting the audience and himself to be comfortable using laughter as a coping mechanism but also makes you realise just how badly Garrad was treated at these conversion therapy "camps" and that's what hurts the most.

[@ode4126]

Yeah, like I absolutely understand the need for humor to cope with such darkness, and it really shows how absurd the whole thing is, but it still hurt my soul a little bit when the audience laughed at the fact he might have committed suicide cause that actually happens a lot at these places

[@zzulm]

The mom acted in a very loving way putting her beliefs aside for the well-being of her son religion usually makes things confusing and she had clarity.

[@Flawbois]

He’s HANDSOME AND CUTE❤️❤️❤️

[@Skyler_Momoko]

Can't wait for the movie!!! Heard about it coz Troye Sivan was starring in it and now I can't wait.

[@Wildchile]

Amazing thank you for this - I can't wait to see the movie

[@davidk3009]

This was funny at first, he’s a great speaker, but it got scary as it went on. Can’t believe he went through this weird regiment.

[@mollymcdonald4326]

Yep. Trauma.

[@TheNandosperiperi]

He's handsome :)

[@ryanscarola]

Reading his book right now. Good stuff.

[@teresahopemiller1008]

Thank you I needed that.

[@joywilliams4014]

That camp thing was f’d up

[@tantranthanh2938]

He’s so cute, oh god

[@amanshaikh3645]

The smile ❤

[@amiensarabellis8391]

Down through the centuries people have been trying to force other people into their molds. It takes courage and persistence, love and self love to fight that instinct to rule over another human being And, to make them how you want them to be instead of allowing them to be their true selves. We all need support from others against those forces.. It's far from a perfect world and at times it seems we are going backwards instead of forward. I guess it's a matter of persistence, courage and support.

[@michaelasuorsa]

I can’t wait to see his movie

[@l.ellison3542]

Michaela Suorsa Where is it?! I have been looking everywhere for it.

[@lookingupwithwonder]

Such a good speech. Thank you

[@ravensucks2020]

I’m reading the book right now

[@charleshorowitz543]

Wonderful!

[@dannylara7301]

Beautiful

[@user-xr5kp6qz8g]

The fact that D&D was one of the sins in the list is so funny to me 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@BrokebackBob]

The movie is here! Go see it and tell everyone you know to see it!

[@funkymonkey8777]

❤❤❤

[@user-sn6jv5dv9s]

I’m so sad that there are so many countries around the world that did not show this movie in theaters, mine being one of them. Do any of you know how I could watch it online or something?

[@abigailgarner5938]

you can stream it online. p opcornflix and 123movies has it. unfortunately its not showing in any of my local theaters either :/

[@abdulrafay816]

I'd also highly recommend reading the book. Since I'm also from a country which is too conservative for this, I can tell you finding the online version is not at all easy, but really worth it.

[@sreelakshmi8586]

He somewhere slightly looks like young Joey Tribbiani🤩

[@basmalasaad3039]

Wait what? How??

[@kingcole6767]

Good movie.

[@vansserafim]

They were right about the father. About the connection to Father

[@shonnacarter300]

God didn't make human error and indiscretion did

[@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax]

What?

[@sudhirchandra9790]

Adam got iPhone

[@RepublicofMAC]

God didn't "make this mess". We are the ones who make the mess. Personal responsibility.

[@eyeseefeet]

There is no god, only old beliefs that cause fear guilt and shame. Slavery existed in the days of the bible, it was accepted and condoned, now, even the most religious person would not condone slavery. Some religious ideas are good, some are destructive, lets be open enough to see the difference and create an open way of living that allows people to respect themselves and respect others openly.

[@RepublicofMAC]

@@eyeseefeet If that is what you think (that there is no God), then my point would be all the more true, wouldn't you say?

[@yannak.3894]

But God made us, so...

[@javiergarza5544]

He did try with that free will experiment tho.

[@lordofchaosinc.261]

This video is kinda funny in a way and also kinda not.

[@marshallapplewhite47]

Why not embrace Lucifer? I can't understand why someone would try to rewrite the Word of God, instead of just abandoning Christ and embracing the true Lord of light and love.

[@vansserafim]

As somebody who studies a lot of psychoanalysis the camp was right about your lack male to male contact.

[@basmalasaad3039]

Wdym?

[@beegood1215]

G-D didn't make this mess, mankind did. G-D allowed it to happen and did not stop us.

[@amandatan9092]

The sloppy geometry externally file because mind comparatively fit pro a normal texture. warlike, abrasive bull

[@Vecio.Nandes]

19:15 God DIDN'T make this mess. "A person’s own folly leads to their ruin, yet their heart rages against the Lord." Proverbs 19.3

[@mysticoversoul]

That is a LIE you have to get out of, Garrard: Saying that God made all the mess we find in life. You are placing fault wrongly on God, not the God religion has taught you but the real One.