Online Dating Disasters | The Worst Messages

[@heteroclitus]

Back in my day a gentleman would wait until at least the 3rd date before asking to be kicked in the balls.

[@FriedPotatoFarmer]

Don't wanna wait longer than that though, because otherwise you're just wasting your time if she says "no"

[@Palimbacchius]

Why isn't this getting more likes?

[@felixthecat3n2]

Ha ha! Perfect comment!

[@morganc.m1830]

Oh, well, thanks for mentioning this is in the video. Now I know it isn't safe for me to watch because of the B word. Edit: because of ptsd it is triggering. Even just reading it in this comment is.

[@marks_02]

Two years later, and still making random people laugh. Thank you.

[@ta13s93]

As a divorced man tentatively trying online dating, I find the whole "why won't you message me all day?" game strange. Like...I have a life outside of this app..? Ya know..two children. Job. Hobbies. That sort of thing. The whole mentality of, oh you won't set aside your entire life to chat with me (a complete stranger) on a min by min basis, then you're "not interested" or "a bad guy" yeah, that's a red flag. That's an unhealthy relationship waiting to happen.

[@kevinbissinger]

Those people are almost certainly scammers. Real people don't expect usually quick replies. The issue only really exists for women and gay/bi men

[@tezzerii]

It's absolutely a red flag. Speaking from the experience of someone I know well.

[@stofosaurus]

Totally agree. I've been in a steady relationship for 2 years now but before that I was in the dating app game on and off for a few years. Holy shit. The amount of people who absolutely DEMAND your attention all day just because you chatted for a few hours the day before are astounding. And not only that but demand that you dive deep into their emotional life and thoughts even after chatting for a few days. Exhausting. The amount of red flags I didn't even know existed I've learned from dating apps.

[@buckcherry2564]

Not personally into the "kick me in the balls" thing...BUT, I genuinely LOVE the fact that you went to "He needs to go to a kink site" instead of "He needs a psychologist" or "...to be locked up". You are fantastic!

[@maxpower2480]

I mean, yeah, but a decent urologist probably wouldn't hurt though.

[@Rig0r_M0rtis]

@@maxpower2480 Urologists don't kick people in the balls

[@maxpower2480]

@@Rig0r_M0rtis Pretty sure, some of them do... Hopefully consenting non-patients... But I was referring to treatment of kink-related injuries.

[@jayz8839]

He needs to see a mirror and ask himself why he is doing this to his poor balls

[@SilkyLew]

Nah, he need help mentally. Dude going to get testicular cancer if he keeps on.

[@snoopyjot]

A good answer to the “why” question is “I don’t want to”. We don’t need to explain ourselves to random people 🤷🏻‍♀️.

[@crazystii]

Yea just quote Phoebe.. "I'd love to, but I just don't want to"

[@DustyRichardspdx]

It must be just a knee-jerk reaction to even ask. "Durr, why?"...could he possibly expect any answer other than "because I'm not interested." What other answer could possibly be expected.

[@MyNameIsBucket]

@@DustyRichardspdx It's not about reaching an understanding. It's about wearing a woman down until she says "yes".

[@Marcus_Caius]

The best answer is "why not!"

[@bmaz390]

If they persist say: "I'm going to let you let me go." And walk away. A number of people will stand there for a good 15 to 30 seconds trying to figure out what you just said.

[@leeprice133]

I was a moderator on a dating site for a while some years back. So. Many. Penises. And I must admit, there were times when I thought to myself "if mine looked like that, I definitely wouldn't be exposing it to strangers on the internet." Not that that kind of behaviour is appropriate regardless of what it looks like, but still...

[@katinkapalatine]

I think my favourite response to an explicit pic that I've ever heard of was to ask if they just sent you a photo of a minor and follow up by saying you'll be reporting it to the police. Has the double effect of both saying they look underdeveloped and giving them the fear that the authorities might be after them for harrasment and/or distribution.

[@Gay_Bradbury]

Genius!!

[@crhu319]

That's gonna be standard response built in to Android 12

[@blacktoothfox677]

oh thats ripe - love it! A most marvellous idea

[@desperadox7565]

That's actually a good idea.

[@neilbradley]

Many years ago, I had a (female) friend fed up with getting dick pics. While we were out one evening, she got one. I asked her to give me her phone. I went in to the men's room, and snapped a pic of little Neil and sent it to the dude that was harassing her. One line reply from him - "Don't text me ever again". ;-)

[@EasterWitch]

I once talked to a guy on an online dating app that was telling me how he was a cop, but that he was going to jail for assaulting a prisoner... How did he think that was going to make me want to date him?

[@Butterflier00]

because chicks dig "bad boys" lol. yeah...no idea what that guy was thinking.

[@nicholasvalentine3907]

At least that sounds believable!

[@sylvainmichaud2262]

This cop would have been weirder if he had never assaulted a prisonner.

[@advorak8529]

@@sylvainmichaud2262 Not all cops everywhere are bad. There are bad apples everywhere, of course. But if you keep them in power and unchecked or oust them and lock them up is a question of popular support and political will. That guy clearly was a sign of the politics and people not being blindly infatuated with prisoner beating. Talk to others from the area, not to the ex-cop who’s gonna get first hand experience why prisoner beating cops are not most loved in prisons.

[@sylvainmichaud2262]

@@advorak8529 Show me a cop that doesn't abuse his power in any way and I'll tell you that he's part of the minority. I don't believe in the bad apple theory. I believe that good apples are rare and far between, especially as years of service increase. But that's my opinion based on a former girlfriend experience with her ex husband (wife beater cop) that involved me latter on in a way that no honest citizens could believe. Harassment, intimidation, violence, legal i.e. false accusations, detention on false pretense, etc, ... To me, they are criminals in uniforms serving a certain minority of the population and their own interests while abusing the rest of the population. Don't get in their way to distort the truth or you will pay a hefty price. Believe me. I left that woman because of it for my own survival.

[@VampiraVonGhoulscout]

6:17 I had a similar conversation *on Taimi of all places* with a dude. ME: Hey, before we go any further, just letting you know that I'm polyamorous in case that's not your thing. HIM: what that? ME: It means I am consensually dating more than one person. HIM: oh okay, you have boyfriend? ME: Actually, I have a girlfriend who is trans. HIM: You gay? ME: No I am bisexual. HIM: .....so you like man or woman? 🤦‍♀️ Taimi is a *queer dating site* and this guy doesn't know what bisexuality is.

[@CobaltContrast]

That's like a rarity right? I haven't met anyone like that on Taimi.

[@VampiraVonGhoulscout]

@@CobaltContrast I haven't met anyone irl who doesn't know what bisexuality is either.

[@CobaltContrast]

@@VampiraVonGhoulscout maybe we can theorize they were just trying to get your take on it. Yeah! People online can be so unhuman.

[@narcopsy]

@@VampiraVonGhoulscout there are lots of people who don't understand bisexuality. As a bi guy I was told straight to my face that I don't exist. And some think we exclude trans or nonbinary ppl which is not true at all

[@VampiraVonGhoulscout]

@@narcopsy yeah somehow I'm transphobic because I say I'm bi and not pansexual? Bitch I'm in love with a non binary person right now and my ex gf/best friend is trans MTF.

[@bierce716]

I met my wife online 27 years ago... this was before the internet; it was on a "BBS", or "Bulletin Board Service"- imagine if the internet was a single computer you called up on a telephone line. There were a number of forums, and I kept seeing this same handle on scifi, cooking, etc. We exchanged so many posts I was in love before ever meeting her in the flesh. (no pics then, the computers weren't up to it) I think that's the secret of our success- we spent the first year talking intellect to intellect, no pics, no facial expressions to respond to, just who we were.

[@mikeharrison1868]

Lovely! I met my ex (of 30 years, so you can say it was a successful relationship) in the flesh, but then we were apart for most of a year and corresponded by aerogramme! We sorted out a whole bunch of stuff in that time. I often spent most of the weekend composing my letters.

[@sourisvoleur4854]

So cool to read this! I met my wife of 25 years on RIME, the BBS repeater service. Since we were half a continent away, we couldn't have met any other way!

[@wintermute740]

I also met my wife on a BBS, I guess about 28 years ago now. We met online when I was babysitting for my sister, who ran a BBS, and was chatting with her users after the kids went to bed. I chatted with her for most of the night. Eventually set up my own BBS so that we could chat any time, not just when I was helping my sister out. We went several months before we met. By then, she was engaged, so we just became friends, mostly chatting online but occasionally doing things with groups of people. We quickly became best friends, and her fiance's only friend was too ill to stand up for him at their wedding, so, I wound up being the best man at her first wedding. We remained friends, again, mostly chatting online, until well after that was over, and she approached me romantically... We separated earlier this year, but, still best friends. I wish BBSing were still a thing (I know, there are still some out there, but it's nowhere near the same as it was, when most had a local user base which weren't almost entirely comprised of other sysops) and we could still chat the way we used to. The tools today are much better, and we text and PM all the time, but there was something entirely different to it back then.... Anyhow, thanks for the bout of nostalgia... Tip: ASCII roses... No matter how advanced our messaging gets, never stop sending ASCII roses if you met your SO via a BBS ;)

[@Jorendo]

These day's it's just windowshopping. The dating apps are not helpful at all. As a man, you are outnumbering the women by so many, it's very hard to get their attention at all thanks to jackasses that you see in this video. Normal guy's have to be super creative to get their messages come trough and even then if you say one wrong thing, you are out. They got so much choice, they just swipe to the next and you as man are going for another application letter. Heck, job applications guarantee more success then dating sites these days.

[@gregreich7238]

I honestly believe dating apps are the worst way to meet people. Nearly everyone is putting on a front. If you want to see how people you meet online genuinely are, watch them in social media groups. Watch them comment on things outside of relationships/dating. You're more likely to see their genuine worldview that way. Emma, I would say I can't imagine what it's like being a woman on the Internet, but a friend of mine who is a lesbian made a claim that men can't pose as women on the Internet without lesbians finding out, then challenged me to try. So I made a profile of a 19 year old woman (I was 24 at the time) and spent a bunch of time in lesbian rooms on AOL (that's how far back this goes). While I was not found out, I spent a lot of time finding out how men are with women online Holy shit, the number of unsolicited penis pics! ugh! But I got all of the unsolicited messages, too. "You just haven't found the right d*ck yet." My profile said I was a lesbian. "I bet I can turn you." And a whole bunch of even uglier messages. The whole exercise gave me a lot of empathy for women in general.

[@TheParklifeChoseMe]

anyone who would accuse you of being a man when you say you're a woman online is probably a transphobe.

[@macdongr]

I remember I kept getting a lesbian woman when I was online dating. What I told her was "Hey, I know this seems strange but this app keeps recommending I date you, despite your sexual preference. Can we match so we can stop getting recommended to each other?" She said yes, we laughed about it, and then never talked again.

[@emanuelmota7217]

So you LOL'd.

[@masscreationbroadcasts]

"I'm jealous of your heart", that is amazing, I'm wheezing!

[@barbaral743]

Yeah, that one was clever and appalling at the same time.

[@BrownCoatCaptn]

@@barbaral743 I'm like Haha ooooh, oh no

[@tetsujin_144]

It's the kind of thing that'd be funny as a joke, with someone you're already intimate with or who understands you're just joking around and is enjoying the comedy of it - using it as an actual pick-up line seems kind of gross. Maybe there are circumstances where it'd work out... but yeah, no.

[@paulogaspar8295]

@@tetsujin_144 it all depends on the person. Some people would find it funny, but for sure they are a minority.

[@meatharbor]

As a (formerly) attractive, asexual male, I feel like I can relate to at least some of this. Though I came up back in the day when nobody had a cell phone and most folks didn't even have a computer, so all my experiences were extra creepy due to the fact they were all in-person. I was genuinely surprised (at first) at how often people lost their shit when I would tell them I'm not interested. Especially so when it comes to how aggressive and rude some girls would get. If I was approached by just one then it wouldn't usually be a problem but I always knew I was in for a bad time when I would see three or more approaching. No matter how politely I'd turn them down, things would go from zero to blatant homophobia in under five seconds. Because, obviously, they understand my sexuality more than I do and I guess being gay is bad, apparently, so I should have sex with this roaming pack of random psychopaths so I can be not that. It was all very convincing.

[@bobbii]

Literally as I'm enjoying this video I see a dude in a geek squad van catcalling the girl working the Starbucks drive thru window

[@EmmaThorneVideos]

Hahaha ffs

[@ramenisbombman]

More like the EeekSquad

[@DragonbornCanid]

@@MitchellKinard lol wtf

[@crhu319]

Heybaybee! Heybaybee! Cry of the gamma male.

[@crhu319]

@@MitchellKinard that is SO common, have done it often with friends lol

[@hope-cat4894]

The McDonald's one did make me smile. That's not the worst pick-up line.

[@steveswangler6373]

it wasnt a good pickup line, but it was funny

[@AmnRavenloft]

"Why?" "Because 'No' is a complete sentence and doesn't require explanation."

[@dezerayb3980]

THIS

[@zacharyhonachi2166]

No is my favorite word.

[@MrRetroDev]

I recently talked to a girl on a dating app for 2 weeks, we matched and talked and we got along, as far as I could tell. I was being polite and respecting her, as I do with anyone I match with. We shared a lot of hobbies and interests. After about 2 weeks I asked if she wanted to meet or something to get to know each other better, she declined and I simply asked "why's that?", she responded by telling me she didn't want to get to know me or have any form of relationship with me. So my response was a simple "I'm just curious, why not?" as I feel that after 2 weeks I deserve at least that. She didn't reply after a few hours, she usually replies instantly, so I simply said "Thank you for wasting my time." and unmatched her. Maybe that final message wasn't appropriate but it's what a lot of guys have to deal with constantly. I've had countless girls match with me and then never reply or give me backache from carrying the conversation. I ask "why?" as I would like to know what she sees as a flaw about me and I can improve on that flaw, if possible. Like, for example, I'm in the process of losing weight as I used to be overweight and I knew that fat me isn't exactly the most good looking guy. Some guys will ask "why?" in a manipulative way but there are guys like me out there who literally just want to improve.

[@paulogaspar8295]

Ok so when a dude ghosts you and you ask why? because ghosting doesn't require explanation. Do you think people don't like to know why they are rejected to understand if it's something they can change? What an absence of empathy or trying to understand, but nothing new.

[@vygotsky17]

There are even far-right dating apps, you know where education and intelligence are major disadvantage. I came for the anti-MLM content, and stayed for the rest. Great channel :-)

[@Lauren080508]

far-right dating apps? oh man.....

[@auto117666]

@@Lauren080508 yeah, I guess they want to date outside of their immediate cult, but still want to stay loyal to their cult values.

[@QuinquetPourpre]

@@auto117666 you mean they want someone who shares their value to not have to argue about basic morality of things ?

[@emanuelmota7217]

First dates are probably BYOB (Bring Your Own Bullets).

[@johnclapshoe8059]

Now I understand why I got nowhere when I was on those blasted dating apps, it's because of all the other f ing idiots who scared off all the nice women. I seriously thought it was all me.😒 Good video Emma. Great laugh, even though some of it was tragically bad.

[@Sarakatbee]

“The straights are easily confused.” 😂 I do not miss dating at all

[@GamingintheAM0801]

Straight here. Can confirm. Always confused.

[@lynnbethechange]

Most men, especially young ones, have trouble with any concept they are not well acquainted with. Young men are still engaged in real world King of the Hill games and must avoid appearing stupid at any cost. And for many men (and some women), the response to feeling stupid is anger.

[@topjos12]

@@lynnbethechange I am guessing I am part of the minority then. These days when I feel stupid, I generally feel embarrassed, so I either try to laugh it off or just try to let go of the feeling.

[@MonkeyJedi99]

What is even worse, is that if you are already using an internet connected device, and come across something you don't understand, you are EXACTLY where you can find out the answer(s). Not even trying to look things up is either laziness, arrogance, or a mix of the two.

[@irrelevant_noob]

@@MonkeyJedi99 well, except too-broad umbrella terms like "queer"... Can't really learn about that one in any meaningful way by looking it up, since it's likely to mean different things to the people that are using it to describe themselves.

[@kxjx]

That person phyically threatening you was absolutely woeful. I am sorry that happened to you. Their behaviour seems so calculated to cause the maximum possible distress. What an awful thing for them to do.

[@aaronburnslees9832]

Emma: "And this is the rude category" Me: "Well what the hell was the first category then?!"

[@--Animal--]

I was having a good time laughing at some of these until you started reading out the one where the man threatened physical violence and started calling you, that must have been really terrifying and I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you were able to report this person to the dating app.

[@Archermit]

Really good video haha. But it does 100% highlight the problems genuine men have with online dating sites...it's so full of creeps/weirdos so women are always on the defensive (rightly so!) I gave up on the dating websites a long time ago.

[@EmmaThorneVideos]

So many of my male friends have found dating apps to be such a self confidence knock- partly for the reasons you mention and partly just because there are way more men than women on dating apps. I ended up meeting my partner through work anyway so it feels a bit of a waste of time in hindsight!

[@chojin6136]

Add to that the fact that there are also women that act similarly to the way the men in this video did. Sadly, they are also out there and have a detrimental affect on the experience

[@TTFerdinand]

@@EmmaThorneVideos That seems to be the thing with online dating apps from a woman's perspective. You're like a fisherman, trying to catch something decent, be it a romance or just a pen pal, but most of the time you find yourself dredging the bottom for pure junk. Hearing these pickup lines just made me want to facepalm hard.

[@mattsadventureswithart5764]

​@@chojin6136While I'm content to accept your experience that there are predatory and downright-crazy women using dating apps, the numbers are miniscule compared to the men who need to be avoided.

[@improv6132]

Jesus it's scary being a woman online. That was...eye opening. As a man I would be terrified by at least half of them. You have really thick skin Ms. Emma. One lady comedian made me bust out laughing when she offered a suggestion for dealing with unsolicited d*ck pics - she started saving them and when she got one she would respond with a random one from her collection. When asked WTF she said oh, I thought we were sharing our favorites. Seemed like a super appropriate response to me.

[@paulogaspar8295]

how was that scary? People send you weird messages you just ignore them or move block them and move on. If you ever do a comment on youtube people will respond you with weir messages too, no matter if you are a men or a women. Or if you ever write in a forum or reddit. It's literally called being online.

[@tweakfreq1982]

I think I saw that comedian too 😅

[@ljr6490]

@@paulogaspar8295 Paulo, please talk to some more women and see how safe they feel. It's really sad how hard it actually is for women online

[@hardywatkins7737]

@@ljr6490 why is it particularly hard for women online? They just like men can choose where and where not to go, and if they don't like a space they can leave. Just like men. They are at nobody's mercy, though if they're stupid maybe they won't remain stupid for long. If women actually feel unsafe sitting in their own home thinking they could actually come to some harm then I'd say that fear is irrational and they have personal issues which make them unsuitable for potentially feisty and critical spaces. We all have a responsibility to look out for ourselves, not to venture into distressing spaces or situations. To have some sense that you should be able to go anywhere and not experience difficulty from time to time is idealistic and unreal. We all must take responsibility for ourselves.

[@hoodlambo]

@@paulogaspar8295 as a man, I do not get sent these weird messages.

[@emilyaitch8143]

"That's it. We're getting a divorce" LOL totally gonna start saying that

[@esme454]

I honestly would have gone back and responded to that guy, that was legit funny and not a creep or sour grapes. Maybe just my taste

[@tuntemon]

I have never heard about tribute pics. I wish I could go back to that blissful time. 😋

[@Aegis82]

Oh man, this is hilarious! I was described by my best man as having a dating style of "desperation and ineptitude", but I never sunk low enough to match some of these messages! Thanks for the entertaining content, hope you ultimately found someone a bit more normal.

[@yogadork_namaste]

This is a great summary of what it's like to be female/female passing on the internet.

[@emanuelmota7217]

Female passing??? Ok, I'm confused again.

[@mduckernz]

@@emanuelmota7217 it just means “can pass as a female” e.g. when people see and hear you they think “yep that’s (probably) a woman”

[@Rad-Dude63andathird]

​@@mduckernz yeah because not everyone who looks feminine is a woman 😄

[@TheWombat2012]

Guys…here’s a secret I learned many years ago… When you meet a woman…in real life, in online gaming, at work, etc etc…just treat them normally. Be pleasant, don’t be a pushy creepy idiot. Who knows, you might end up making a friend. And a female friend is one of life’s true joys. I’ve got many female freinds. One of my closest and oldest friends is a woman. Oh, and I’m married. Yes guys, it’s possible to “just be friends” with women. Shocking. Life isn’t one long Tinder game. In this video Emma is exposing the oddballs that infest the online world. They’re out there in massive numbers sadly.

[@Igeltod]

Buddy im glad for you that you got married before you had to deal with online dating, but that also shows how you have no idea what it is like out there. Its not that people want to be on Tinder, most people hate to be on it tbh. Or that so many guys online are just weird oddballs. The Thing is - If you are an average looking, polite and Kind guy as you said you are almost invisible to women out there. Why that is? The average Girl online gets showered with male attention simply for existing. Guys are lining up for them, they dont have to put much effort into it. That leads to girls overvalue themselves, inflates their egos and they try to shoot for guys way out of their league instead of going for the Kind average guy you described. The average Guy on the other hand gets almost no female attention and eventually looses all of his confidence in himself. He has to face Girls who are impatient, change their mind on the dime or just ghost him without much reason since they have so much more options to pick from. Many just give up on trying at all or become Trolls because of that. And that is what you see in this video. The ladies get rejected too - by the guys way out of their league and they become bitchy in return. So online Dating is damaging for everyone really. Its great if you are an average or below average girl and you just want a confidence boost without engaging in conversations much. Or if you are a Fuckboy who is just looking for sex. then online dating is for you.

[@snem9381]

@@Igeltod This is incel rhetoric.

[@walrus4046]

The debut album of my imaginary prog rock band is going to be called "Message from Stalin" The cover will be a 1920s style agitprop image of Emma sporting Uncle Joe's magnificent tache and pipe. It will be a concept album of my inhibited struggles to form relationships with Orwellian overtones. And I wonder why I have trouble dating women :( Edit: When I say, "inhibited struggles to form relationships with Orwellian overtones", I don't mean I want a relationship with an Orwellian overtone. That would be silly

[@TheBaldapap]

Did you edit this because your thoughts were wrong and needed to be corrected?

[@walrus4046]

@@TheBaldapap No, I added the edit in, because the accidental double entendre was humorous to me and I hoped that others might find it amusing too. HTH

[@crhu319]

Seriously if you start this band move to Halifax Nova Scotia you will be swimming in Trotskyite babes.

[@nicoleouellette]

As someone in a plus sized body, it has been a bit of a buffer. I can not imagine the volume of messages you get. Great sense of humor though, thanks for making us all feel better! (All my messages after rejection were basically "ur fat anyway" so yours are at least varied.)

[@CamdenBloke]

I imagine you still get a lot from romance scammers.

[@isidoreaerys8745]

Yeah as a guy I think I get maybe 1 new person message me a month I have to send out like 30 just to get 1 reply. Frankly it’s exhausting.

[@annabeinglazy5580]

@@isidoreaerys8745 yh i noticed that when i tried Dating women. Until then i never understood Guys going "oooh women are so picky" but after coming Out as bi... Shit we are 😂 The only people that i consistently attracted were bi women with a Boyfriend who were polyamorous. Which i found... Interesting....

[@Salman-Bin-Ahmed]

Well, sorry about the bad experience ! Hope you meet the love of your life soon !

[@paulogaspar8295]

well as a normal dude, I get no messages. What an amazing experience.

[@CalvinChikelue]

I always find the people who insult you after you refuse to reciprocate their interest so damn pathetic. They seemed attracted enough to message me but their ego is so fragile that they have to pretend that’s not so to try and save face.

[@snaptrap5558]

Women: "Omg, I get the worst messages on online dating sites" Men: "Wait, you get messages?"

[@OutOfTheBoxThinker]

Online dating for most women : Constantly getting spammed with weird & creepy messages Online dating for most men : * crickets *

[@mikeharrison1868]

@@OutOfTheBoxThinker contrapoints has done a good piece on this.

[@banquetoftheleviathan1404]

Well that’s online not real life. Girls still hit on you in real life. Yall fuckin yallselves up with that online mess

[@adammorgan1776]

@@OutOfTheBoxThinker tbh, those who just message respectively with no weird messages or arrogance are dismissed as just boring or too nice. You can't win. Still, personally I'd rather be respectful and friendly than outright weird or creepy

[@74Cheshire]

@@adammorgan1776 Err - No they aren't. If you're messaging party girls who are looking to hook up, then maybe yes, but having dated lots of women through apps, I can assure you 'respectfully' is in short supply and high demand, and being able to interact respectfully worked very well for me. It's very possible to be boring and respectful - But they're not intrinsically linked.

[@lordchagrin1378]

You should definitely get some Hellbound Reprobate merch going! I'd buy a shirt and wear it proudly :) Another great video. I had no idea that the online dating situation can be so toxic. I've got a little girl and it makes me nervous for her future dating self.

[@andybeans5790]

I tried online dating last year but being 46 and on the spectrum I found it pretty abortive. It's a catch 22 situation, it's in my nature to be straight-up/open but my friends tell me to keep my neurodivergency to myself. I've ended up keeping myself to myself, it's lonely but peaceful.

[@00RoxPink]

If somebody does not love you as you are they are probably not somebody you want to be with

[@tarrabirdsell7695]

Maybe you could expand into a more neurodiverse friend group? You shouldn't feel as if you must mask 24/7. It's exhausting, and frankly neurotypical people should be meeting us halfway anyways. We already live in a world designed for them, and studies show ND people have no issues with communication amongst themselves. It's the height if arrogance to have two cultures meet and expect yours to take precedence.

[@beththedarkmage3359]

Dating is all about being vulnerable. I didn’t know I was on the spectrum when I was dating, but the signs were all there, and I made no effort to hide who I was. I met the love of my life, who didn’t judge me and actually liked how honest and open I was. Turns out we're both neurodivergent, lol, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Think of it like this- to find a fellow ND, or a non-judgemental NT, you need to make it clear early on who you are, so you can filter for them. Why date someone who could be ableist, and not see for yourself if that's the case?

[@chloewebb5526]

Honestly, what some men believe passes as "flirting"....

[@huckmart2017]

Not gonna lie, the mcdonalds one was pretty good banter.

[@taliabutton1593]

I've got plenty of rude men approaching, too. Luckily, I'm lesbian, so I could just ignore tone of messages from guys. But the worst encounter on an online dating app for me was with a woman. Really toxic, telling me I'm an insult to women, to lesbians, and that I cannot be a lesbian because I'm a man. (I'm a trans woman.) She told me that she'd screenshot my profile and that she'd publish them if I don't delete my profile. A feeble attempt at blackmail (didn't care if she publish my photos), plus a direct admission, also of breaking the site's rules of no screenshots and circumventing the disabling of screenshots. Before her full outburst I responded to her, if I'm not here type, why did she match me. But afterwards I just reported her. Her profile soon disappeared...

[@Pete_R63]

I have to say, since I have never been on a dating app, it is really interesting, amusing, surprising, and quite frightening to watch this video. Part of me can't believe the stuff that people will say. Thanks for sharing and educating me a bit. Off topic, I enjoyed your video filling in for SciManDan today. Cheers

[@garymcmahon3981]

This is one of the saddest KZbin videos I have ever watched. Emma you deserve far better, ignore these weirdos, there are far better ways to meet people. I do feel so very sad for younger people trying to find that special someone, this idea that if your online you can say whatever you like, doesn't matter how rude, or inappropriate the comment, that just needs to change. The sooner the better. 😢😢

[@alanfike]

Guys (advice that I have to tell myself): If she rejects you, and you're wondering why she rejected you, it's either something you did or *she doesn't know you at all*! If you can't think of what you did to be rejected, maybe you did nothing wrong at all, she just doesn't see you that way because she probably hardly knows you. Also, the guy who kept calling you a reprobate certainly was displaying much less patience than you displayed for him. I would think keeping calm is more Christ-like than someone losing their mind over other people's sex lives.

[@paulogaspar8295]

yes but after 50 girls reject you it's impossible to think there's not something wrong with you. That's why guys get angry. This is why there's no point in going to dating apps as a man. Unless you are some rich dude with an incredible body forget it.

[@LasseHuhtala]

Most dating sites don't feel like they are designed for finding a mate, but for getting a revenue stream, keeping the users on the site as long as possible.

[@NickKzig]

The funniest dating app I've seen was a dating service for Amish singles...

[@crhu319]

Doesn't using an actual blackberry for your apps make your hands all blue

[@paulsmart4672]

"I know your lesbian" is maybe one of the funniest places to get the wrong your/you're. "Hellbound reprobate" is pretty amazing, and I'm going to have to remember it for situations like friends rolling well against me in board games.

[@amptaxman]

You are CRAZY awesome! I love the insights you bring to the areas of interest that I’m interested in, and TO HELL with the assholes who harass you for being a great person. It’s unfortunate that jealous people and creeps treat you like….well, I honestly don’t know what damage they are suffering from or what they’re expecting, but I hope that if you have a significant other, he/she/they appreciates how dynamic and witty you are, and if you you don’t have someone yet, YOU DESERVE a great person in your life, which, of course, you already know, but it never hurts to hear. Trust me, I know. ❤️✌️

[@kellyspryszak80]

Lost count of how many times I snort-laughed 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I wish I would've captured some old messages I've received. I had some gems!

[@Halbared]

Weirdly absorbing. Helibound reprobate is good. I’ve learned what a tribute pic is at least.

[@williamwood7338]

Weird and depressing. Aesop’s The Fox and the Grapes comes to mind for most of these. Also not everyone can reply in such a short time. There’s something wrong with someone who thinks you are just waiting for a message and have no commitments to anything else (work/family/basic needs). I also wish more people took on the concept of beauty being in the eye of the beholder. It does not matter if a individual does not appreciate how something looks, sounds or feels, someone else will. I have taken this with all forms of art, music, literature, food. Just because I don’t like it, it doesn’t mean it has no worth or value. Someone else will adore it. I’m with you on the we can be friends, you know they want more, and even if you could have been friends you certainly can’t after finding that out. Beauty being skin deep is also a thought that comes to mind, and mind that is all that matters when looking to connect with someone. That is all that will last given time. If you can’t connect with someone on that level then there is no point on dating. The libertarian may find the tyrant aesthetically appealing but still they are tyrannical and oppose all the libertarian holds dear. Not fruitful relationship could exist, why even seek it.

[@dyspie]

Personally, I really like your hair and think the style suits you and I don't think you need to defend yourself by saying you can't answer everyone... You really don't owe anyone an answer on those apps. I have also tried finding friends through online apps... It's incredibly difficult they do not read your profile that says "friends only plz" and will continue to hit on you anyway lol Anyway I really enjoy your videos they are great! =)

[@DeathBYDesign666]

I don't know why but the "friends only" thing really is the best way for me to pick up women. I'm considered attractive by most but I don't get interested until I know the personality of the other person. I'm kinda asexual otherwise but I have found it's the only thing that works for me. I guess people want instant gratification these days and I'm super weird that I don't by most people's standards. The "friend zone" doesn't have to be permanent if you're patient enough and I know from experience.

[@dyspie]

@@DeathBYDesign666 same, I always found it really off putting when someone tries to immediately ask you out before knowing you at all. I don't even know if I like you yet D: I agree with you!

[@DeathBYDesign666]

@@dyspie It's just good to know there are others out there like me. I always feel like the weird guy on the block and a lot of girls are interested but don't want to put in any effort, I like the effort it helps me know that they are truly interested and patient enough to get to know you first. Looks are one thing but I need more than that. I for one don't believe it has to be the guys job to put in that effort, I think it should be both.

[@dyspie]

@@DeathBYDesign666 Valid, I was always partial to online dating because of that and very club-averse haha

[@DeathBYDesign666]

@@dyspie Yeah I was too but after more than a few questionable experiences with that I gave up on that scene as well. A very long story, suffice to say I'm way over it.

[@ShadowHeathen]

Weird moment of nostalgia when I was around 20 (pre-internet) I was challenged by a woman to log onto a chat (text) BBS with a female ID for one full week It was enlightening and radically changed my perspective. btw; love the hair, I second the wtf on that.

[@paulogaspar8295]

ok how where you enlighten? That men get almost no answers and when they get one they just reject them without a reason and if youa sk why even answer to you negatively? I would rather receive 100 dick picks and weird messages if I could find someone to have a good relationship than complete silence and women rejecting me all the time. WHich one do you think get's more confident with themselves, the dog that is constantly beaten up and when bites back is even more beaten down or the person that has to deal with too much affection to a point that gets annoying?

[@Pete_R63]

When people say, "Can I ask you a question?" I usually reply, "You just did." Or, I say they can always ask, it doesn't mean that I am going to answer.

[@dalefleming6427]

I'm VERY sorry you had these experiences. You are beautiful just the way you are, and just keep being true to yourself. So many things these people say I just REALLY don't understand what is wrong with so many of them.

[@myoneblackfriend3151]

I recently came across your channel. I often enjoy your perspectives and rarely disagree with you. I am generally interested in discussions about religion. I met my girlfriend on a dating service. There are plenty of wonderful people out there. I hope you have found someone who is excellent and appreciates how delightful you are. Best of luck.

[@arndnaj]

I didn't know what a tribute pic was and was about to look it up before you fuck near immediately explained it.

[@EvilFookaire]

I've had to get involved a few times when a sort-of-unofficially-adopted-little-sister (she's in her 30's but basically has the mindset of a 12-year old that's been shielded for all of those 12 years, my mother sort of took her in and she's been a part of the family since then) kept trying to find actual romance on Tinder and a few other apps. Those rude punks act all tough to girls, but let me tyell you, tyhey can backpedal real quick when a 40-something year old Dutch guy starts to treat them the same way as they treat a girl online. Suddenly they aren't so big when it's their little butts that might be taking a willy (no, I'm not gay, not bi either, but I'll treat a punk like a punk). While I did have great fun "hitting on" those guys, it's also left me even more cynical and dissapointed in our species than I already was. Fellas, let's pretend to be humans, when you're interacting with humans, shall we?

[@Jarimir]

Bless your heart for trying so hard to explain why you didn't reply. Even if you think you didn't convince us, the fact that you were trying that hard in the first place tells me that your heart is right...

[@Gelbraddy]

one time a completely real dude messaged my art-only instagram account telling me he wanted to fly away on a rocket with me. i was 17. he was married. and his profile picture was heath ledger joker. like. yikes.

[@ChJuHu93]

Are you sure he wasn't an agent and commented to the wrong person that he wants to be extracted?

[@minsqi]

when i was like 14 i had this twitter fan account of a video game lesbian couple, so i’d exclusively post content about them and pride stuff. this man, in his 30s or 40s, messages me, talking about how’s he looking for a caring wife and a mother to his 10 year old son. it’s baffling.

[@arndnaj]

Just started watching this video. I comment a lot on pages new to me, that's just how I show appreciation. In no uncertain terms I want to make myself clear: I fully understand, not being a crazy person, that you are under no obligation to respond to any of my comments. Love the content, love the delivery. Wonderful mix of snark, deadpan, and sarcasm.

[@shao-ningwu9209]

"Here is another job offer." I laugh so hard. Also the weirdest (and the only one experience to be honest) I had being approached by stranger guy was on the street and they said hi and said "it must be creppy if someone does this in your country (I'm Asian), people like us must be seen as criminals." And I'm like well...yeah.

[@Dumbstuffwatcher]

Before I found my person (on Bumble!), I went on many disappointing first dates that didn't lead to second ones, and in that time heard HORROR STORIES about how dudes act on these apps. It's a good conversation starter as long as you ask for he "most cringey" story as opposed to the "worst" because those are very different things and lead to very different vibes

[@rickc2102]

"Here's another job offer" caught me off guard 🤣

[@hardywatkins7737]

I don't do online dating because I don't do dating but you reminded me of a time recently on Facebook where I received a message from a 'picture" of a young woman who seemed very nice so I did some digging and asked where she was from and the picture replied "I'm from the state". Hummmm? But Emma, I found a video recently of you talking to Bart Ehrman and was immediately charmed by you (as I suspect he was also), .. so pretty intelligent, gracious, and nicely spoken. There's really nothing to NOT like about you.

[@padraicloingsigh421]

You can be friends with someone that you are attracted to without it being creepy, some people have enough self control not to objectify someone even though they find them attractive.

[@chojin6136]

You can find someone attractive without being attracted to them, in my experience

[@padraicloingsigh421]

@@chojin6136 Even if you are attracted to them it doesn't exclude friendship. Some people are capable of moving past their desires and living in reality, I know, mind blowing right? It's really a matter of whether or not you have control enough over your desires to let them go.

[@METT-TC]

Wow, this one hit weird. First of all, love the channel Emma, you probably get a lot of flak making this type of video but I want you to know that myself and plenty of other people really enjoy what you make. Many years ago, I was addicted to dating apps and used them compulsively for years. I was going through a big self-confidence crisis. Even though I was in a committed relationship with a great partner, I aggressively turned to these websites/apps for validation. I was one of the guys on there who put a lot of effort into his profile and would send hundreds of detailed first messages, hungry for the serotonin hit that came with even the slightest reply. I was only feeding my self-loathing as I easily sent thousands of messages both high and low effort (I don't think I was ever intentionally mean or vulgar but it'd be impossible to remember everything) and got a truly dismal reply rate. Of course, this made me feel terrible because in my head it felt like nobody was even remotely interested in me, and I truly believe this death spiral leads many young men into inceldom. It's hard to truly grasp the scope of numbers once they get much bigger than a few dozen, so the mind numbing number of messages even a well-intentioned (but fucked emotionally) straight guy needs to send on these apps in order to get a meaningful number of replies should be enough to dissuade people from using them. Even though most men understand that (cis) women on these apps/sites (especially traditionally attractive ones) receive way too many messages to actually reply to most of them, your lizard brain hungers for vindication and the confirmation that the hours spent messaging/swiping/whatever were worth it and the validation that those replies provide. From there it is easy to slip into the trap of thinking that since these women are receiving sooo many of the messages you crave so badly, they must just be stuck up and basking in the shower of validation and attention that you need so badly. This is why so many men on these places become angry, mean, and bitter. They're designed to addict people, they hit the exact same reward pathways as gambling. One more message/swipe/spin of the roulette wheel... Emma is absolutely right when she says that sites/apps that require mutual approval are much better, but they still are emotional black holes for people who are vulnerable to them. If someone reading this feels this comment resonating with them then I'm talking to you. If it's not fun anymore, stop. If it makes you feel bad, stop. You are not "dating" anymore, you're just feeding your own self loathing. Dating should be fun and enjoyable. Besides, if you're having a miserable time people will be able to sense that and they will not be interested. You have value outside the app, they make money by convincing you otherwise. They rewire your brain to convince you that you need them. This is an addiction no less serious than gambling or drug abuse My then girlfriend caught me using them and I swore off them. A few months later I fell off the wagon and started up again. She suspected something and made a fake profile, then caught me red handed. We had a massive fight and nearly broke up (we had been dating for years). She agreed I could stay as long as it never reoccurred and I saw a therapist about the underlying issues (we could both tell I was fucked in the head). My therapist helped me a lot with realizing the traps I had made for myself and the death spiral I was going on. If my partner hadn't called me out and had me get help I probably would've fallen into very very toxic behaviors and I'm forever grateful for her. It took forever to be able to rebuild her trust and I work every day to try and make sure I'm a better person. We are about to have our two year anniversary and although it hasn't been perfect I love our relationship and I love my wife. I haven't touched a dating app or website in 5 years and even though I feel their pull, I'm glad I was able to escape their truly evil cycle. Let this be the wakeup call for anyone who needs it. There are people out there who value you and who like you for you. The best way to get a girlfriend/boyfriend is to get comfortable making friends. Join a hobby group, talk to people. Stop being terminally online. Delete social media. If you have even a small circle of friends the chance someone introduces you to someone who you want and who wants you goes up exponentially. If you're terminally online, bitter, and miserable, you'll just repel the people who might have otherwise been interested.

[@RestingBVoice]

I just came across this, and it is real world gold. I love that you shared your experiences. I can empathize with the weird shit. Love is a difficult situation without random digital connections. Stay true to you. Much love. ❤

[@SA-mo3hq]

This is the answer to the Fermi Paradox. Them aliens saw some of these messages and Noped The Fuck Out.

[@victoriat8922]

I love this comment

[@burningmisery]

"Noooo-ope!" 💨 🛸

[@pgbollwerk]

I can’t even wrap my head around why so many guys act like this. It’s so sad. I feel so bad for women who have to deal with filtering through all the horrible men.

[@GreyFencer]

I tried using tinder a little bit when i was like 20, before i realized i was trans. And it was depressing. I matched with two people that weren't robots. One ghosted me after like two or three one word replies and the other turned out to be a scam artist from a soviet block country trying to scam money off people. I can't imagine the mental state of the guys willing to stay on dating apps for more than a little while.

[@paulogaspar8295]

you get destroyed mentally. That's why they respond with complete insane answers, they are already destroyed.

[@markh.harris9271]

The very best answer to "Why?" is ... wait for it... No, just No. Seriously. Try it. No, just No. Honestly they won't know what to do with it... a lot of time you'll get a replay to that like, "What, huh?" enjoyed this video immensely marcus

[@MissLynnGleason]

Oh my Gods! Yes! When you were talking about men wanting to know WHY you said no. Just accept no and go.

[@irrelevant_noob]

But then it's not a learning experience...

[@MissLynnGleason]

@@irrelevant_noob Who made a rule that it had to be? This must be a generational thing. I'm 41. We just kind of learned to accept rejection and pour all of our pain and angst into music, poetry, art... (Man, I miss the 90s.)

[@irrelevant_noob]

@@MissLynnGleason sure, doesn't have to be, but why DENY any chance of that happening? And fwiw, age has nothing to do with it, i'm 41 and have managed to avoid rejection by just not interacting. >:-]

[@burningmisery]

I only figured out in my 30s that no one owes you anything when it comes to love & affection, no one's emotionally indebted to us, and we can't force someone to love or like us if they don't, no matter how hard or persistently we push. People who don't understand emotional boundaries lash out when they are rejected. Life can be so much more simple when we try and treat each other with the same respect we expect from others. That should a golden rule on any social network, but then it wouldn't be the internet 🥴

[@paulgallagher5889]

I actually met one of my best friends on the big "harmony" site (almost 4 years ago now!). We live 1500 miles apart and have never met irl but she's literally my soul mate and we have the best conversations and get eachother through tough times. Not the result I ever expected, but totally worth it in the end!

[@arndnaj]

Your delivery of "tomboy looking twat" had me choking. That was hilarious.

[@medude420024]

"nO i WaSn'T gOnNa AsK aBoUt SeX" This is what someone says when they were about to ask you about sex. If they weren't going to ask about sex, then they'll just ask their question lmfao

[@qjtvaddict]

Girl you ain’t wrong even the guys are fed up with it

[@willmfrank]

If some random bloke assumes that you're Scandinavian and asks for your number, son't panic...Give him the phone number of the Norwegian Embassy, or the local IKEA outlet.

[@jy285]

Sadly, I think Emma’s experience is fairly common for women. Some people are so mean.

[@Mac-qt7uw]

The story you shared about the guy approaching you on the street, asking for your number, then asking why you wouldn't give it to him... I think another offense he made was asking for your number to begin with. Its garbage behavior to put someone on the spot like that. Their choice, if they aren't interested, is either A.) Reject you on the spot, which can be terrifying because men aren't well known for taking rejection well. B.) Give their number to someone that they don't actually want to have their number, and have to deal with the fallout from that later. Or C.) Give out a fake number. I think the proper thing to do, if you're going to pursue a stranger at all, is to offer your own number. Doesn't put the onus on them to reject you on the spot, they can just accept your number and never make use of it if they don't want to.

[@lexigurlx]

Omg this was amazing 😂😂😂 I wish you let us know the app/websites please do a part 2

[@daniellepearsall4978]

"asking why puts weird pressure on you" That is exactly why they do it.

[@annando]

I just stumbled across this video - and I feel something that we here in Germany describe as "Fremdschämen". This is the situation when you feel ashamed by things you yourself hadn't done, but someone else. I really feel ashamed by the reaction of these (surely testosterone driven) men.

[@cloudy978]

Yeah it's called "Second Hand embarrasment" in English :) I know that word since I am half german too so i know what you mean.

[@patrickbutler165]

This content makes me very sad. When I first saw one of your streams I thought "OMG she is absolutely beautiful and smart!!!!! (I knew I was too old for you don't worry, and I am one of the bigger creeps when it comes to online dating especially. I do better in person). You should just keep doing what you are doing and you will know when the right guy comes along :)

[@erikfarkas7868]

I can understand some of those guys. As someone who tries dating apps from time to time, i can say with a 100% confidence that it doesn't matter if you say something funny, nice, interesting, about her profile or if you just say hi, most women just do not reply at all. Whether it's bots, or not, it can be frustrating for some. And i only used apps that actually used matching , so you know the woman gave you a "like". Not so sure about apps that don't use such systems. I can also understand why its frustrating for women to have so many messages that they're not able to reply to everything.

[@thatyellowfellow]

I've had the same experience, i don't really understand swiping someone and not actually talking to them, I get it if it's an open system where anyone can message you, that sounds like hell, but i've never used one of those. They just don't really speak.

[@paulogaspar8295]

of course. I love when they say that men have a fragile ego for reacting negatively to not responding, when women don't even engage at all with fear of being rejected. How can someone that doesn't even has to start a conversation with a stranger calls others fragile for not liking when they engage and are shuned down without a reason lol.

[@bunnykiller]

there was a point in my life ( about 27 minutes ago) I had hope for humankind, that they would be "more human" but from hearing what you experienced, I no longer have hope... there is no possibility for them to improve

[@AndrewD8Red]

If it makes you feel any better Emma, it's not just straight guys. I briefly had a profile on one of these apps and since I'm pan, I was getting messages mostly from guys. Gay/bi/pan guys can be just as cringe as straight guys.

[@sarahscott5305]

Guys in general are a confusing breed. Why do we have them again? 😂

[@a.p.2019]

Oh my God. A great reminder that the silence oft seen on the male side of online dating is preferable to what someone like you goes through 😂😂 I hope it worked out in the end, you're pretty awesome.

[@marvelsomething1952]

The McDonald's guy was trying his hardest 😂

[@1996Pinocchio]

Insulting you after you reject someone is them coping with your rejection by pretending that he never wanted you anyways. It has nothing to do with you.

[@Paul_VanGo]

Because of online attitudes like this, i completely stopped dating apps... ...and found a girlfriend the old-fashioned way... ...by coincidence. That was 5 years ago and we're still together.

[@MarkLewis...]

I put chess, sudoku, and science as some of my recreational profile interests... My favorite responses (which happened quite frequently) was when someone said: "they're a sapiophile" which absolutely exists, but.... you know it's a targeting, sociopath, red flag when they type something along the lines of: "Imma sapeofile and I hope your one to. We have all the same interest." No... no we don't.

[@iandsharman]

I love the "women" with obviously fake profiles who message me on Instagram and always inevitably ask me for money...like, I'm a comic writer, I don't have money! Although the best one recently was the one who asked me a few questions and then asked me if I had a girlfriend, and when I replied with "yes" just simply replied, "okay" and never messaged me again.

[@EmmaThorneVideos]

Wouldn't it be nice if they all cut to the chase like that! I had a 'legit sugar mommy' follow me on insta recently, if you're still hard up on cash... xD

[@erwinsteneker4078]

In your voice, every message sounds so relatable and polite!

[@thatonechickyousaw]

First off, you’re gorgeous and hilarious. It’s so not fair. Second... no. No second. You’re just awesome. Love your vids, btw. Sorry you had to deal with these people. Dating apps so suck. I’ve had to report so very many guys, omg.

[@Demotri11]

The "beautiful, but you must get out more" one had me rolling

[@nomoreflooples]

This was my favorite, thank you for making this video

[@EmmaThorneVideos]

I'm glad you enjoyed it... I've just recorded a sequel 😂

[@johnmorsley]

Thanks Emma, your video made me laugh. Yeah, online dating can be a nightmare, but stick with, as there are some good ones out there! Best of luck to you...

[@rays7805]

To all the women sharing your worst messages: I am so sorry. I was in my 20s and incredibly naive.

[@ahouyearno]

Same :/ also for the cringy player time i had in uni

[@rbos36]

Thoroughly enjoyed this one :) Respect for the way you handle it all.

[@Santient01]

For, in theory, english native speaking adult men... the lack of articles is very disturbing...

[@neilallso400]

crumbs you have spoken to some crazy nutters. Stay safe out there and always take a friend if unsure.