emotional abuse: the invisible scars

This course shares 2 research articles examining the impact of the most common form of childhood wounding: emotional abuse and neglect, particularly in terms of PTSD, and with regard to the increase of victimization we are likely to experience in our lives.
The final section of this video offers brief information regarding emotional regulation and dysregulation identification and skills, as they impact us in childhood emotional wounding.
***3 FREE ONLINE COURSE LESSON PREVIEWS****
FROM MY NEW COURSE "THE HYPER-VIGILANT TRAUMA PERSONALITY FROM EGGSHELL PARENTS": drkimsage.thin...
I am also working on creating a free weekly newsletter and will be sharing more info soon!
🌷NEW COURSE! "THE HYPER-VIGILANT TRAUMA PERSONALITY FROM EGGSHELL PARENTS AND PARTNERS" on thinkific.com: drkimsage.thin...
FOR MORE INFORMATION ON DR. KIM SAGE'S ONLINE COURSES
AND FREE COURSE:
www.drsagehelp...
Tik Tok. / drkimsage
Instagram: / drkimsage
Online courses: www.drkimsage....
RESEARCH ARTICLES USED IN THIS VIDEO:
bmcpsychiatry....
www.ncbi.nlm.n...

[@SideB1984]

Some of us are really not having a good experience here in this lifetime. 😢

[@cathywestgate-pittsley7045]

Yes she lived a very hard life I feel 4 U.

[@samsmom1491]

I told my husband I changed my mind on wanting to be reincarnated. I do NOT want to come back again.

[@cheryldailing1294]

I'm 57 and it really never ends

[@SideB1984]

@@samsmom1491 I have this feeling we have been here many lifetimes before and are sick of it. 😅 I’m with you!

[@SideB1984]

@@cheryldailing1294 I only hope we can find some peace and solace to carry us through. Maybe we can start with the next hour, knowing someone else deeply relates and we aren’t totally alone. 🫂 🩵

[@jrbracy]

For me, silent abuse i.e. neglect and emotional abuse, is devastating because it leaves the person constantly questioning what happened. Currently I'm going through an angry phase - I'm 45 and never had an explanation for my treatment as a kid by two immature, neglectful, alcoholic parents. I'm angry and trying to work through it because I've continued the self neglect into my adult life, as well as allowing others to treat me the same. Your videos have helped tremendously in my understanding of what I went through.

[@DrKimSage]

Thank you for being here and sharing-🙏🏻yes I think anger is one of the most difficult given how most of us never witnessed healthy anger in others and we don’t know how to deal with it within ourselves - agree on the silent part 💔sending ❤

[@i.ehrenfest349]

But isn’t the explanation in your own description of your parents? Immature, alcoholic. Isn’t that all the explanation you need?

[@JanGroh]

Same here.

[@mesina84]

I agree, I have just turned 40 myself and am currently dealing with homelessness and organising to go No contact from my biological family. I am finding that I am getting constantly triggered by my own reactions to other people's actions and behaviours. I am exhausted and angry. Hugs Healing takes time.

[@mindofthespirit1543]

I feel you, my dear. I can relate completely. I went through a loooong anger-depression phase. Hugs

[@keithandsmarie4358]

Emotional abuse is a soul wound. When it transfers into adulthood, it continues to destroy the soul. CPTSD is real. No one seems to be able to adequately treat this... Thank you so much for sharing. I am learning so much from your videos.

[@Raychelanna]

Cptsd is very real. I know ❤

[@cloudwalker8266]

One of the worst aspects of emotional wounding is that it often keeps us second-guessing. It's so much harder to make excuses for, or to explain away, the more tangible forms of abuse. If it didn't leave a mark, did it really happen? We drive ourselves crazy trying to validate the invisible, especially when the abuser denies it.

[@cathywestgate-pittsley7045]

You are so right I kept thinking if I had not left her there it wouldn't of happend. But she came to me in a dream and told me she was so tired of this life. She had to move on . SHE has always looked after me. Thank you sissy I love you truly.

[@don-eb3fj]

​@@cathywestgate-pittsley7045sorry for your loss and the pain you both endure(d), I hope you can learn to truly accept that it wasn't your fault. 🙏🕊

[@cathywestgate-pittsley7045]

@@don-eb3fj I Do know that Truly. I now know she is safe in the care of our Father. Ty don-eb3fj

[@samsmom1491]

I've been second guessing myself for almost 60 years. Quite frankly, it really sucks.

[@ziziscorsese9475]

@@don-eb3fjI don’t think it matters that it wasn’t your fault in the end. The damage was done. And the residue of a crappy feeling because of the damage done is always going to be there. You have yourself a good life too. And I hope you don’t have to heal yourself in any way from anything. Much less a slight of your own life.

[@i.ehrenfest349]

Having received both physical and emotional abuse in childhood I can agree unequivocally that the consequences of the emotional abuse are much deeper and longer lasting.

[@lauragadille3384]

And this why I'm in trauma therapy. This is worse than physical abuse.

[@jaclynh9343]

Couldn't agree more. 😔

[@dmoore0079]

I agree, and I experienced both.

[@juliebrown7268]

What is freaky about this fact, is when the perpetrator figures out what triggers us, does it on Purpose, delighting in it, and teaches others to do it!!

[@samsmom1491]

Oh! So, you've met my dad.

[@LesleySASMR]

I can’t stand being told that I’m crazy for having so much anxiety and ptsd by my family. Everything in trying to do in this life feels difficult. Thank you for this video, Kim

[@zenfan1098]

Me too 🫤 I understand that!

[@lisset__]

This breaks my heart. Leaving my small child with her father .. my ex.. is so painful. She is scare of dad. No lawyers or anyone can assist. The system is broken. It was DV non-physical which doesn't make it less hurtful. I am still affected by his abuse.. as it continues to happen post separation . I pretty much pray everyday and have been working and healing for over 5 years

[@mindofthespirit1543]

This makes so much sense. Emotional abuse and emotional neglect, physical abuse and SA can truly kill the Ego-Soul. And unfortunately that damage can then pass to the next generation. I am so sad how my childhood wounds set me up to struggle as a mother. I wish I knew these things when I was younger.

[@lanaspencer9893]

Please dont keep punishing yourself. We are all human. We make mistakes from how we were treated as children. Forgive yourself and spread love ❤️

[@cheryldailing1294]

Even at 57, it's hard for me to watch these because I was a victim of every kind of abuse except sexual. My mother was verbally abusive, physically abusive, emotionally abusive but also emotionally neglectful. I do not want to fight this the rest of my life but that is probably my reality

[@cathywestgate-pittsley7045]

❤❤❤ my Sister just took her life because of living this type of life.😢😢😢

[@tls2626]

I'm so sorry but I understand her pain 😢 hugs and love to you ❤

[@cathywestgate-pittsley7045]

@@tls2626 Thank you truly.

[@cathywestgate-pittsley7045]

@@tls2626 I am here if u need an ear I know the pain 2.

[@JanGroh]

💔

[@mindofthespirit1543]

I am so sorry. That is hearbreaking. 💔 And sad b/c I understand wanting to end sadness and pain. Sending hugs and blessings.

[@cheryldailing1294]

I just paused the video because of a thought that came to mind... It's so ironic to me that my mother blames me for the poor choices in men that I've had and other difficulties that occur in my life, but these are directly due to her constant physical, emotional, and verbal abuse

[@Dave183]

I find that living in the now- is the best vantage point, Getting there is challenging. But at the end of the survivor rainbow- there is hope...

[@Michelle-72]

Gosh. I feel very sad watching this. Thank you, Kim.

[@Muchaspass]

Living Authentically after what seems to have been a Lifetime of Fear&Doubt. Marketing Executive Peter Westbrook escaped poverty through fencing. I'm so thankful to be part of the sport with a new generation of champions. Dr.Sage keep up the good work

[@reg8297]

I can barely function from life long effects of my mothers abuse lost my hair healthy relationships went into second relationship aftrr my abusive mother into father of my kids after leaving him he brainwashed my kids against me my kids suffered also from the danage my x causrd i lost most of my hair n live now in extreme shock not knowing what to do to this day i keep meeting people friends who arent friends who hurt n betray me n these ones had good childhoods i still retraumaisrd had therapy n cant fix my life

[@DrKimSage]

I’m so sorry you’re struggling and that you’ve been through so much. Sending ❤

[@Lioness_of_Gaia]

😘✨💜💚💙✨

[@izzypaynee]

Im tired. I self sabotage all the time and can’t allow myself to be healthy. Always have to ruin my relationships, jobs, grades. Health. Doing well doesn’t feel right and I look back and see how many things I did to sabotage things.

[@don-eb3fj]

Self-sabotage is probably one of the most damaging results of emotional abuse because it becomes so deeply integrated and expresses in so many ways and in every area of life. Usually we aren't even aware we're doing it, much less understand why. At least you are able to see at least some of it in yourself so you can try to course correct and challenge your stories and hopefully deactivate and reauthor them. But even realizing instances of self-sabotage can lead to other forms of self-abuse and new stories about your own competence and worth, multiplying the effects of the original injury. It's much easier to understand why childhood emotional abuse is so damaging than it is to learn how to escape from the cycle. Try to be gentle with yourself, as you would hope for if you were still that confused innocent child- because you are, deep inside, and deserve better than you were treated then. 🙏🕊🥲

[@makethatchangelifecoaching4009]

That's not what is happening. You are emotionally abusing me and it's the same wounds I had for many years and I can't cope with your constant abuse. I know why I self sabatoge its not because I just decide to do it. I do it while I'm being abused because I'm believing what is being told me and it feels like I have this weighted chain on me dragging me down, I feel and believe it so much that I sabatoge myself as an attempt to abuse myself because I feel like it I'd true and I believe it. I will take care of my dog, my apartment, and neglect myself. I don't sabatoge my grades I just am in too much pain. I feel like I can't heal because you keep abusing me

[@makethatchangelifecoaching4009]

Has anyone ever considered though that my deepest wounds do not come from childhood. Have you ever studied emotional abuse at the hands of husbands who are sex addicts and how that destroys a women's self esteem? Because this has nothing to do with my childhood. That's why I joined those groups when I was 28.

[@cathywestgate-pittsley7045]

I feel u I am 60 and just learned to cut out all that trauma. And cit out the ones who keep me under the want to kill myself. Ended just 1 mouth ago suck a long process. I will ps Pray. 4 your HEALING

[@cathywestgate-pittsley7045]

@@don-eb3fj so true

[@comnandmentsdeadlysins]

I fought back since childhood. From protecting my sibling from abuse to calling out adults on their bad behavior. However I also became a people pleaser perfectionist to get moments of peace and calm in my environment. I did and did everything I could to stop others giving their negativity to me. As a HSP empath I now understand how much I am impacted by the emotions/energy in others. They do not even have to speak for me to feel how they feel. I have taken this part of me and use it to say uplifting words to others to put them at ease so I can stop the dis ease in me.

[@cathywestgate-pittsley7045]

Right there with you.

[@samsmom1491]

Oh, yes. This is me, except for the standing up. That didn't happen until I got older.

[@richardraycroft4806]

I appreciate your work a lot. I was treated for anxiety and depression from 1987 until 2014 and thank god one sharp counselor suggested I do take the PTSD test.. turns out SSRI "medications," make the situation worse, (I was considered "treatment resistant"). I quit all mental health involvement after that and did my own research into trauma from neglect, so again, thank you, it's really interesting how so many things overlap; it's really good to see the thinking has changed, you know how people want a diagnosis and a treatment.. (don't make it complicated).. for me it was, "try this med," then, "try this med," then, "try these.. try these.. " I'd say unless you've got money you're pretty screwed but for KZbin. Really really appreciate your work.

[@zenfan1098]

I understand that meds thing, been on so many, not anymore tho, dealing with this crap wo meds now, praying a lot. The only meds I take now are certain vitamins and meds for acid reflux, which is from mostly anxiety and stress, not the food I eat.

[@richardraycroft4806]

@@zenfan1098 My focus the past decade has been on giving my entire nervous system as much real care, (food and sleep), as I can more or less force myself to give it.. (trying to work on the voice of "self-discipline," not too harsh, not too soft.. too hot or too cold.. like fixing things for "baby bear," hahaha.. the inner child likes what's prepared for baby bear).. I've seen more real growth in the past 10 years, as compared to NONE, taking drugs. Thanks for the reply.. never abandon your self again.

[@Muchaspass]

My Daughter sure has let me feel the early stages of this subject. Lord knows only Why?

[@ultraalice1872]

wow I have to thank you a lot ! this video explains my struggle so precisely like nothing before ! thank you for your great work and I really appreciate the way you break concepts down for everyone to understand:) best regards from Berlin!

[@lilibethvilella]

I’m living my best HEALED life post divorce. Published a book on finding true WHOLENESS after divorce called “THE SUN ALWAYS PIERCES THROUGH”

[@juliebrown7268]

I totally agree with this well explained description of emotional abuse. Thank-you!

[@justrosy5]

The best thing you can do is just decide you don't give a sh^t about what the abuser wants, thinks, feels, "needs," etc. Don't argue, don't respond, don't excuse or explain, don't announce your decisions or what you're going to do... Just let them think they've had "the last word" and storm off. While they're gone, grab your purse, your keys, and your kids, drop the kids off at a relative's home after explaining the abusive situation you're protecting them from, but you go somewhere else and tell the relative you can't share with anyone where you're going. Go down to the local courthouse and ask for paperwork for a protection order for you and the kids, as well as for starting divorce proceedings (if you're married). Cut off the abuser's access to any shared credit cards or bank accounts that you have control over. Hire a lawyer and a private detective. Fill out the paperwork, get that turned in, and start the difficult but rewarding path to freedom.

[@ericshutter5305]

YT is emotionally abusing me daily ...

[@siriuslili]

Well, my mother continued to put her hands on me well into my 40s. Ridiculous.

[@AlisonChristian-bq4ws]

Smacker back

[@tiaturnbullchampionscoachi9587]

It's not ridiculous. In childhood abusive treatment trains us to not have normal reactions to being threatened or abused. Our brain patterns are over regulated to stay close to our abuser instead of healthfully standing up for ourselves. We blame ourselves when someone takes their anger out on us because we were trained to feel responsible for someone else's bad treatment of us. I hope you find the way to protect and stand up for yourself and find peace in doing what is most soothing and healthy for you. ❤

[@TuletteBitner-t9o]

Thank you

[@DrKimSage]

You're so welcome❤

[@ruthycantfail]

Wow, so glad i found this channel, you are opening my eyes to a lot of things and explaining it so well. Thank you so much ❤

[@lauriemorales7605]

This was great and so informative. I love how in depth you went into this important topic ❤

[@jorgemarquezzepeda8179]

I live in San Diego, like you did.. and I also recently had a traumatic event like you did.. which has destroyed my marriage. I've been emotionally abused by my wife for nearly 8 years... your videos are very real and helpful

[@rocky1raquel]

Excellent video with excellent content. You touched on and named so much! I wish I could get my son to engage with some sort of treatment… he stopped talk therapy saying it didn’t really help. :(

[@kit2564]

I HAVE ALSO THOUGHT OF HOW ABUSE AFFECTED ME.-- BOSSES, LOVERS . HUSBANDS HAVE ALL REVICTIMIZED BUT I ALSO PLAYED A PART. I WAS VICTIM OF TROUBLED PARENTS WHO DIDNT KNOW HOW TO LOVE. SO THAT BECAME MY NORMAL AND WITHOUT REALIZING IT I CHOSE TO SURROUND MYSELF WITH ABUSIVE PEOPLE. WHY WASNT I ATTRACTED TO KIND MEN O41E - I THINK I CHOSE NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN BEAUSE OF THE MEN I CHOSE TO LOVE.....

[@diamondgirl7997]

"I was a victim of troubled parents who didn't know how to love" .... same with me. Damn it hurts

[@kathleenmillington4860]

❤❤Thanks Kim you are loved and you are helping thousands ❤❤ Keep on with this great work❤

[@Michelle0920]

Thank you for sharing this message. This information is helpful.

[@mae1813]

The stress affects your heart too, I have a heart condition that I was told was caused from prolonged chronic stress.

[@justrosy5]

Um, I would hazard the guess that physical and sexual abuse automatically include emotional abuse and neglect.

[@throttle4593]

Wow! This explains so much.

[@emilysmith2965]

8:15 Humans are a social species; emotional threat and the threat of a conditional or unpredictable relationship IS a threat to our lives.

[@andreatorluemke4982]

I’m interested in what healing looks like from all of that. ❤

[@avathemis9878]

I am so confused by emotional abuse. I recently came home to find my mother in my house when my children were home alone while I ran to the store. She was desperate for me to help her gain custody of a child from my sister, and said she went into my house without asking or telling me because it was an emergency and I needed to seek custody of my sister’s baby so she could have her. This person had sexually abused us, and physically abused us a few times I could remember, and she left me alone for long periods of time as a child… But the worst and most important part is I was afraid of her all the time. I felt she hated me so much as a child. I felt she wanted to hurt me and destroy me, and I could not get away from her. I believe everything I ever did as a child was to gain her approval, and I never did. And she was asking me to talk to social workers to try to get custody of a baby. I know that she makes me feel so horrible and confused and frightened-but I cannot hold on to exactly what she did to me. I can think of the time she threw things at me, I can remember the sexual abuse, but I think, she didn’t directly touch me…maybe it wasn’t that bad. How can I betray her, after all she did feed me, and sometimes she took care of me… I just cannot make any sense of it. It makes me feel crazy.

[@tiaturnbullchampionscoachi9587]

You are not crazy. You know the truth. Protect yourself. Love yourself. My boyfriend reminds me that I often create a courtroomscene in my mind and I play all the parts; the prosecutor, the defendant, the judge,the victim and I try to find the right answers about who is guilty, is it me, is it them? Dont feel guilty about doing what is best for you when people who don't treat you well blame you or get angry at you. Keep taking care of yourself because no one that abused you knows better than you what you need to be safe, peaceful sane, healthy and what you need to be OK in your life.

[@MarieCassidy-zd8sc]

Emotional abuse and neglect are NOT always linked

[@rochelle8124]

I was emotionally, sexually, and physically abused until about 15/16. By both parents.

[@coffeecoffeecoffee7651]

Hello thank you for the video and I had a follow up question. If as you say you are able to reflect and tell yourself a new story and change your perspective, how do you then interact with your caregivers who you still see regularly who were the source of trauma in your childhood? I am an adult and I have made significant improvement in my own mental health. My parents still live near me and they have zero interest in dealing with their behavior in the past or getting treatment of any kind. That is their choice but what I’m struggling with now is how to have a relationship with them now that I am an adult and they still expect to and do treat me with emotional abuse and neglect?

[@billygoat5091]

True words.

[@MichaelSmitZA]

Maltreatment seems to never really give much focus on being hit by a parent. In particular to silence the kid who has an opinion or questions the irrational rules laid out by the parent. Is being hit considered okay and I am perhaps overreacting in my assumptions?

[@i.ehrenfest349]

Being hit is not ok.

[@billyb4790]

As horrible as physical and sexual abuse are they are at least overtly wrong and recognized as such. The victim is more likely to recognize it as wrong and seek help. The trouble with emotional abuse is it is often normalized and the victim is less likely to seek help to overcome it. It is internalized and grows ever more toxic.

[@HighPriestess_Studio5]

14:46 Oh... we don't need to leave the country to get the numbers... we can mirror and raise those experiences tri-fold right here in the good ole' US of A... 🙄🚶🏾‍♀️

[@seahorse251]

Dr Kim how do we solve problems and speak up for ourselves or get an advocate in this crazy world without getting ourselves killed? People are so hostile you try to tell them their barking dog is bothering you or whatever else and they just want to shame you back for bringing the matter to their attention. Do we all need to just hire a lawyer to advocate for us? Who can advocate for us? We need advocates? Where can we find advocates? I'm a senior citizen.

[@Muchaspass]

Most things New within my Life are kept close as Native Americans go. Due to our pass history within this Nation of which you all Call America. Many new story's I now share is within my Christian Life and Church. My place of Safety. Nothing personal my online KZbin family.

[@tammeyaa]

For me was verbal attacks

[@samiraByTreeF2L]

Merci👍!!!

[@cassiestevens8382]

Thanks❣️

[@sherridillon2767]

What does sour candy do? I never heard of that relieving stress. I used to love to eat sour candy…but I heard how bad sugar is- that it ages you, etc. Please explain the benefits of sour candy. Thank you

[@laymayday]

I think you hit the nail on it’s head 😕😆

[@eatpraylovetube2146]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@DrKimSage]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@-DIVINEHAZEL]

💜JFK JR HAS A KZbin PAGE CAN YOU HELP HIM GET HIS STORY OUT💜

[@mariannecohen7675]

You don't have a clue .

[@Rachelanna1612]

Its evil, bullies and narcs!! Sick abusers

[@dcanes5720]

Nope don’t have adhd …. Was a normal human who met a narcissist… that’s it.

[@ayemiksenoj5254]

I believe one of the biggest reasons why emotional trauma is so difficult and heartbreaking is because of the societal messaging around it. When you don't suffer physically you're basically inundated with the message, "be grateful because it could've been worse". Or, "you don't matter" because you weren't touched and therefore not hurt. Then there's always someone you know or love that invalidates your feelings/experiences or tries to "one up" you as if there's some trauma prize to be won. I had all of this happen to me many times. Daily for a while and have felt like I, as a person don't matter for nearly 40 years and I'm only 45. I'm working on "it" and myself, but with that lifelong message... I'm just tired. I can't relate to people. I want good and healthy relationships, but I'm running out of energy to find or create them. I need something easy now. I need to meet genuine and nice people now. It should absolutely be as easy to find great relationships as it was to find/be in the ones that messed me up!! Yes, I know that's pretty much wishful thinking.

[@EuphemiaWisdom]

I relate to your comment! The victim blaming in our society as well. If you are lied to and taken advantage of then you should have vetted better, known better, been more careful because it is a given that people will lie and use -- it is accepted that people will behave badly instead of there being consequences on them for their harmful behavior. There seems to be so much trauma that it is easier to shut down and avoid than to do the required vetting to make sure another person is actually healthy. All of her suggestions for regulating emotionally have worked well for me. I can only control how I show up. ❤️‍🩹💜💓

[@aml8760]

Easy is not what life is about. Thats magical thinking...

[@ayemiksenoj5254]

@@aml8760, then tell me exactly, what is life about since you're speaking as if you know?

[@i.ehrenfest349]

There’s been research into people who were in concentration camps in ww2 (I’m European.) And while, obviously, everyone suffered severe emotional consequences, people with bad childhoods were even more deeply impacted than those with happy childhoods.

[@emilyc8074]

I didn't attach the word 'abuse' to my upbringing until 2020. I remember exactly where I was and when I first said it aloud to someone else. Decades, decades of still being caught up in those dynamics before it hit me (after going very low contact). As I went through life if I encountered traumatic situations or similar treatment my mantra was always 'You've dealt with worse, you can tolerate this' or 'It'll be my fault, I need to stay and fix it'. I never said 'This isn't OK,' instead I people pleased, tried harder, stayed vigilant, stayed put and confused, blocked it out, advocating fiercely for others but never for myself. I wish with all my heart I'd understood more earlier. Walking was the one bit I did, walking always made life make more sense and still does. Thank you as always for your videos.

[@tiaturnbullchampionscoachi9587]

I so relate to what you wrote. I am so caught up in advocating for others and, telling myself that I am strong and can handle situations and environments with negativity that I lose sight of advocating for myself. I guess the story inside of me is that since I went through it I am now able to help others but this story has me look for ñegativity so I can help others without realizing that I am putting myself back into retraumatizing situations.

[@emilyc8074]

@@tiaturnbullchampionscoachi9587 Exactly what you just said. And I also wouldn't want to change that part of myself but it's work in progress.

[@mandasalvaje4915]

My husband has suffered terrible childhood trauma and for 9 years he’s been projecting those wounds onto me. I’ve overcame my own childhood trauma and became a secure / anxious person. Because of my resilience, I thought I can help him heal. This last argument I’ve found Dr Sage and I learned how severe his issues are and i became a victim of emotional abuse.

[@deborahrotondo7792]

My husband had a breakdown 13 years ago, he's not the same person, suffers from PTSD, has Aspergers, his parents didn't understand him, he has very low self esteem, a lot of emotional pain. Heart attack last week. I try to cope and help him, but it's not easy.😢

[@JanGroh]

I think you just described the root of Codependency and the fawn response to a T for me at least. And then why we continue to repeat the same patterns with new friends and partners etc (bosses too) even if they don't seem to look anything like our original carers or parents who generated this. In other words, whence our repetition compulsion. Until we finally catch on and love and nurture ourselves out of this and start setting better boundaries.

[@HeartChannelInsights]

I'm Brazilian and def. among the receivers of emotional abuse and neglect during childhood. I can't talk much about growing up in Brazil after the year 2000, but up to the nineties, yes, emotional abuse and neglect was def. a constant in so many, probably the majority of the families. Lots of old views, people simply did not see emotional, nor even physical abuse, for what they are, let alone neglect. Things were completely normalized and accepted by society. I do believe this has absolutely everything to do with how society was formed after colonization and all the social relational dynamics playing out then and onwwards. Plus lack of access to quality education and international cultures and views by the greater part of the population. There's so much to be said about all that, we could write a whole book on it. Thank you so much for another enlightening and soothing video, Dr. Kim! 🙏💗✨

[@cathywestgate-pittsley7045]

Yes we could.Un caring Parents leads to lots of misplaced adults.

[@HeartChannelInsights]

@@cathywestgate-pittsley7045 Sorry Cathy, I read "n' caring parents", instead of "uncaring". I'm so sorry! Yes, totally. I've been a misplaced adult since I became one. Just now finding my way.

[@sunshine91671]

"Unconsciously and unintentionally revictimized myself" in ny adult life....man that hit hard

[@zenfan1098]

I had a great childhood, nothing abusive until I started dating at 15, been through many years of emotional abuse, not much physical, and I'm 60 and still struggling with a 30 year emotional abusive relationship 🤨 ugh I can hardly go on , just pray for me and I'll pray for you 🙏

[@amyproudfoot6611]

I am praying for you 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@Jennifer-ze4vt]

Zen, stay on the bus, the scenery changes!

[@zenfan1098]

@@Jennifer-ze4vt Thanks so much I'm trying 😊🙏💕

[@zenfan1098]

@@amyproudfoot6611 thank you, I'll pray for you too 🙏

[@amyproudfoot6611]

@@zenfan1098 thank you 💓❤️💓

[@lisalasers]

Thank you. I approached parenthood the same way and made the same mistakes. It’s painful to live with. And, at 54, i now feel unraveled.

[@dreams5672]

Even watching this video was healing

[@Lioness_of_Gaia]

Thank you. This is so helpful.

[@SusanLlewellyn-pp2xn]

Neurodivergence and ADHD...I suspect that's me. 😢

[@deborahmayer190]

Thank you 😊

[@Katywampus1158]

I apologize if I missed this - you talked about a change since the 1970's in repressed anger (re: it being dangerous now to flip someone off). I feel this too. What do you think the reason is? I don't see it being possible that adverse childhood experiences have increased in recent decades, but maybe I'm wrong. If anything we're more aware of childhood trauma and mental health. So why has it gotten worse?

[@douglasmcgregor5511]

It can cause PTSD symptoms like using alcohol to cope and avoiding all romantic relationships. It doesn't help that all of my family have passed away too. Understanding things like PTSD and complicated grief can help, but only so much. I'm thinking about trying to get involved with a spiritual group to help with all this. I have also recently been diagnosed with autism. Learning about narcissism has brought some healing. Also learning about being an empath has really helped with some recent struggles. Thanks for listening.

[@susantalebzadeh9741]

Me too to everything

[@NarrelleChain]

I am not religious, I am Anthroposophisist, praying to Jesus Christ not the Christian dogmatic one, Archangel Michael is helpful 🙏 ❤️ try!

[@gloriaroman1106]

Thanks

[@sonofhibbs4425]

Is emotional dysregulation ‘’bipolar’’? If not, what’s the difference?

[@eggsbeeped]

it's a nightmare. I'm almost 49....just a few decades to go. 😥

[@Carmied76]

I was born and raised in a religious cult, but my parents were good parents. I am an only child, so between that and having a lot of rules, my parents were too overprotective. They meant well, but they were misguided in some things because of the cult. This led me down a path of being abused as an adult, physically and emotionally. My ex husband (father of my daughter), is a narcissist, so the pattern of abuse has kept repeating itself. I have discovered that mom, my daughter, and I all seem to have similar issues, and are probably all autistic. For the longest time, I didn't think that the term eggshell parents applied to my situation. But, in a round about way it kind of does because instead of my parents being the abusers, it was the cult. And it had a profound impact on my life.

[@firehead2591]

for the longest time I never considered what happened early in life to be trauma, although there were things that happened later in life that I did find traumatic, however making the connection that the initial wound may have been a catalyst to the later revictimization was really eye opening for me. I appreciate that you've put time into making these videos. It's given me a bit of direction on where to take my future therapy and wellness journey and hopefully stop acting out that initial wound in my adult life constantly.

[@ClaireGraceMarshall-jr5mm]

I am trying to protect my children and they are determined to see their narcissistic grandmother. I on the other want to get as faraway as I can and to prevent them from seeing her as much as possible. I am so sngry at her and angry at myself that i am literally struggling to deal with stressful situations in our daily life that it makes things vety difficult. In a family of three with special needs including our son who is severely disabled, there is a lot to deal with and its a serious challenge. These monsters should be locked up for life.

[@dustybin552]

Some of my friends laughed at me and bullied me when I told one of them I was abused in childhood this was probably 30 years ago and it still impacts on me today

[@elisciachristie6984]

I've been going through it for a good while now, but I'm trying so hard to turn that around. 8873

[@mariannecohen7675]

No my parents did not have autism 😂

[@miuthub7954]

It's like i don't really exist or matter because primary caregivers didn't see me at all. I noticed the re traumatisation one can do to oneself as an adult because i can't "see" what's harmful versus what's healthy. Thanks for validating these ideas.

[@lanaspencer9893]

Yes its like we dont exist. We dont matter. No hugs, no empathy. But we MUST heal. Take care lovely one ♥️

[@seahorse251]

What is SA?

[@LoudHadida]

When a person is R... aped

[@andi.grke00]

Yesss another video🩷

[@chapstickaddict435]

Invalidation is the most painful part of this. At times I wish my step-parent smacked me that way I could be believed. I love my dad but he's definitely described my step-mother and I's relationship as "You two just never got along" no, no it's not just that, she was abusive. Why don't you believe that? Why don't you acknowledge it? I'm in trauma therapy to help me past this. He is married to her still. We haven't spoken in 10 yrs and it's hard to fathom sometimes. My aunt God bless her, wishes I could just move forward from it and forget the past. I can't. It may not be possible. I have PTSD from this. She tries to understand but can't really fully understand how it was. She thinks my step-mom is a wonderful person but also believes it was wrong she targeted me. I'll be honest, I don't believe for a second my dad's marriage is happy either. If it was, then his wife wouldn't freak out over not being invited to my wedding. Yet she did. She made it abojt her.