Emotional Invalidation: 3 Things to Say to Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings

Emotional Invalidation: 3 Things to Say to Someone Who Dismisses Your Feelings / What do you say to someone who continually dismisses your feelings? Basically, this is called “emotional invalidation.” One thing you can say when someone dismisses how you feel is, “I'm expressing how I feel,” and leave it at that. No need for more. Or, you might say, “Right now, I just need for you to allow me to vent or cry or just listen to me” (whatever that is that you're needing right now). Or, you might simply say, “I'm sharing my experience of this particular situation. I'm not asking for you to agree with me.”
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• Emotional Invalidation...
#Short #EmotionalInvalidation #TessBrigham #MillennialTherapist

[@AVYONE]

Ever had someone beg for you to explain to them what’s wrong with you then literally right after you tell them they invalidate it. Like get AWAY from me

[@sautrah]

my boyfriend does this constantly lol now everytime he tells me, "tell me what's wrong I'll listen and not dismiss you," I know it's a trap. Every damn time.

[@alannac.7392]

Exactly

[@leighcencox5938]

Or its like y u being negative towards me straight up dismissed from him

[@strawberribubbletea]

@@sautrahthis is abusive if he keeps doing it and refuses to stop when you point it out to him

[@fx4147]

@@sautrahnice “boyfriend”

[@sugarandspice2136]

Doesn’t work with narcissists. My family repeatedly dismisses and manipulates me.

[@TradwifeyDawn]

Well *nothing* works with narcissits

[@dieseltu1035]

Maybe you should learn to use critical thinking and logic .

[@Natured1ne]

A part of communication is knowing when to even say anything at all

[@thebookishkhmerican4303]

I said these things and it still didn’t work because the person refuses to be emotionally available and is stubborn and doesn’t want to try to learn to be better

[@carenlzarate8603]

Excellent, it doesn't work with a Narcissist. This can only work with normal people

[@1286cassandra]

This is so simple. Yet for such a very frustrating and angering and overwhelming situation. The invalidation can tend to make feelings snowball.

[@alexandrineb7752]

It makes them so much worse 😫

[@mcnimi]

you can tell them just one thing: you're empty inside.

[@KatherineDuque]

Ooof, love this

[@bigsistahtips]

I’ve been called a liar by my parents for so long that when I grew up I always doubted myself. The worse is that I did started lying because they didn’t like what I had to say. The great pretender. Thank God for therapy.

[@Kfjssms]

I'm so tired of being dismissed or criticized when sharing something I don't even bother anymore about trying to explain to the person I'm venting. Either they know how to listen or not. If they don't, they are not worth knowing some parts of my life and I don't make the mistake of sharing anything with them anymore. It's frustrating but this is what it came down to and I have one less problem if I carry the burden alone. Wish it wasn't that way tho, tbh.

[@vanessamaiato3894]

I know what you mean. I stopped expressing my frustrations because he doesn't want any negativity in his life. So I told him I'm not complaining anymore and I'm stuffing my feelings inside and he's happy with that. 😢

[@Nekokai7]

They say OK and continue to steamroll with explaining why they did or said something so *I * can understand

[@grant9449]

This right here!! It’s the worst!

[@sebastinacordero8084]

When I say need! He tells me I’m needy

[@kimberlyhollen450]

Girl you are so right I have a narcissistic opportunistic pig for a husband who invalidates me constantly undermines everything I do and sleeps with anybody that he can lies to my face I wish I could be as calm and speak as softly as you thank you

[@xoxoxoxoxojetaime3148]

Girl I'm in your situation right now and I'm starting to get depressed. I can't talk to him about anything literally anything. He blames me for everything. Got a cold? It's you fault. A family member is toxic towards me? My fault. Baby misbehaving? My fault. Baby is sick? My fault etc. I use to be happy not anymore 😔. I want out so bad but I fear there is no way out.

[@godschild8995]

@@xoxoxoxoxojetaime3148 God help us in Jesus Christ's name

[@katecamtan8977]

@@xoxoxoxoxojetaime3148 do it while you can.. worry about anything later. Priorities where you feel safe and at peace then u can gain some confidence to conquer other problems.

[@29aaronjones]

Wow. No. You gotta get out of that. Cheating is the end of a relationship. There is no trust or growth after that. Sorry dear

[@moyamalone4445]

Its not only when youre expressing a problem or are feeling sad. Someone can also diminish or dismiss your feelings related to accomplishments/ realized goals... when youcshare with them how happy or proud you feel related to someting you worked very hard to achieve a goal and then achieved it.

[@MsDreya22]

Doesn’t work tried with my narcissist boyfriend he will either walk away or say I’m selfish or sensitive 😢it’s honestly a no win situation

[@dankprincessbeauty8538]

Doesn’t work. I told my mother I needed a safe space without her opinion or “advice” and that turns into her badgering me, name calling, telling me I don’t want to listen, talks over me mid sentence when I try to vent and says she’s behaving that way bc she cares 🙃 My therapist told her that. She called my therapist an enabler and liar. Then turned it on me to tell me my therapist was only calling me out. Then she kicked me out when I lost interest in going to therapy or anywhere and reclused bc I was “on drugs”. I’ve never been on drugs nor pissed dirty in my life. She used to drug test me all the time. My career depends on me being sober 😂 I’m a gov contractor ffs. When I told her she needed therapy she told me I was disrespectful.

[@anelbre0904]

sounds like she doesn't deserve to be in your life babes. 💕💕💕💕💕

[@mitthrawnuruodo1730]

@@anelbre0904agreed, the mom is a lost cause

[@christinehayes1475]

Happens to me all the time especially with my children.

[@Ang36914]

I’m of the mindset that if someone continually does this, they’re not worth my time or effort, so I dismiss them. The gray rock method has helped me but others warn not to use this long-term.

[@isaacmichael49]

Thank you my mom always dismisses my feelings

[@mariahaarsma9700]

When that happened to me I said”goodbye”.

[@painoftheheart12]

How are you supposed to navigatebthis when you repeatedly say "I'm just explaining my feelings. I'm not trying to accuse you, I'm just trying to explain what behaviors made me feel this way. I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but this is how it affected me." To the partner being like "Your feelings make me feel attacked and that you are accusing me. So now I will talk all about how your feelings and perception have hurt my feelings and ignore what you just said about yourself.:

[@adelinajager52827]

The question is

[@shrunotijoshi6371]

The answers are , emotions don't matter , end of discussion and won't even allow moving out ! I am happy for the food heath and safety as well as conditional love they given when they can as they must be exhausted as well , but I really wanted a family in life weathrrs the one now or in future the one I make and now both of them is bleak and I am afraid I am gonna hurt them coz they will never realize there wrongs and will only acknowledge the betrayal no matter how you communicate things

[@SuperBlakes2]

I feel that my therapist has been doing this. When i expressed how i felt about my sister, she said oh yeah, thats just sibling rivalry. Then when i said that i feel like im going in circles and not getting anywhere with therapy. She said we havnt even started the therapy yet and suggested i go on antidepressants. Ive been seeing her weekly for approx 3 months. Because i am sensitive to being invalidating or dismissed, i keep thinking its me. I also get told to shoosh, if i speak too loudly, cause the walls are so thin in her office. Im very confused and i dont think shes a narcissists, but shes not very validating and it really triggers me 😮

[@tasharobinson5267]

She’s not a good fit for you I pray you find someone who’s more in-tune with you

[@heidicain-lebo5785]

Whew, I have tried this. But he will listen, be compassionate about whatever anyone else talks about, he doesn't bash them, call them names, dismiss what they are saying. He is no longer a person I can talk to, after 30 yrs it sucks.

[@1286cassandra]

I am finding some people dont want to hear anything of anyone else.

[@29aaronjones]

Uhhhgg. Sorry dear. 30 years together too. I hope things brighten up.soon

[@sunnylight5753]

Thnx. I’m noticing a lot more toxic situation that I started doing myself. It makes my stomach turn. I noticed this toxic behaviors more & more often especially after a recent Dx.

[@vblake530530]

What if the person dismissing your feelings is your spouse and is A CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST. She knows that tactic well. It bounces right off or side steps it.

[@bjdis33]

Nope nope and nope. 10 years in and I have tried all of these time and time again.

[@BAsed_AFro]

Only those that subconsciously feel inferior, would try to invalidate you. Keep that in mind!

[@athena4519]

What if you say that and they still dont care and they still get mad at you for your feelings

[@nattyrailz]

I'd get slapped if i'd ever say anything especially to my mother. I'm 18 now and its still wrong for me to stand up for myself or even have my own opinion.

[@dixsigns1717]

Doesn’t work with the narcissist in my life!

[@jonathanmui6764]

Or stop requiring/relying on other people to validate you and take back responsibility for your own feelings of validation. Stop looking to the ends of the earth for someone to blame before looking inwards. You can't control others, but you can always control yourself and your reactions and who you interact with.

[@maribelmejia2693]

Thank you, I need that!

[@joana.a4981]

thank you

[@user-em4hb7un5t]

My husband sits on a basement and ignores me. If you only knew.

[@ENFPerspectives]

And then comes the dance of words, where they accuse you of dismissing their feelings instead, while they try to tell you how to feel. If someone is dismissing your feelings repeatedly (and you have told them) do not waste any more emotional energy to that energy vampire. Better to talk to real friends, not fake ones.

[@ms.h4541]

I still get cut off

[@thLilJinx]

what if i do already say all these things and they still invalidate me nonstop

[@bellab__]

Good question

[@NonyaSmith]

Escape. If you don't it will destroy you.

[@KYMom23]

I love when my husband interrupts me everytime I try to talk about anything & makes snotty side comments plus hardly has sex with me then blames it on our daughter because he's too tired, ohhh I'm sorry ur tired i was TOO tired to listen because I'm dealing with our landlord who's a slumlord arsehole & paying ALL rent by myself, plus taking OUR daughter to ALL physical therapy appointments & making sure she's wearing her helmet, giving her a bath cooking dinner cleaning the house getting her ready for Nanas making sure she gets her docs appointments scheduled ect plus he has ZERO sex drive unless he gets it when HE wants it PLUS I gotta constantly stay on his arse to do what he needs to do, such as get a new state ID, telling him can u do this or that??!....issues happened before we got married with stuff I mentioned but definitely got worse after we had our daughter😢

[@Lemons19902010]

What if they say that your feelings are wrong, and that you're immature for feeling the way you do? And that you need to change your feelings?

[@nessmess500]

They are dismissing your feelings and can f right off

[@palopinto4065]

Hopefully you can communicate these comments to someone who actually cares.

[@lydiabarrera8016]

Why people are not sensitive on their own

[@Just.The.Next.Step.]

Thank you!!!

[@naidookrelin]

but surely also, just because you feel something, does not make it true. Feelings dont trump anything else, which is why many (including myself sometimes) dismisses peoples feelings

[@i.i.u3185]

My boyfriend he gets angry at the game, and when he finishes his game he carrys negative emotion and embeds it into his actions towards me. How can I express that this anger from gaming hurts me. I have tried to ignore it and come to an understanding of his side. The way he loses is annoying i understand. But it feels like he chooses the game over me.

[@irisluna6346]

Same

[@cellycelly-px9ni]

😢 its not working he always wants to talk just about him 😢 how can he know more about me if he shut me up

[@veggyeater]

I dont know why, but when my bf starts venting to me it feels like i have to sooth him and calm him down. I do it. But then its the same problem he's venting me about tomorrow, and thats the moment i start replying with just "yeah". And he starts being sad again and i feel like its my fault. I have problems too you know, but i dont vent that often

[@schingh1973]

And what do you say to someone that has a feeling about everything and is doom n gloom?

[@tarademars2938]

Gaslighting

[@scheitahnberg]

Umm.. it doesn't work with people who see nothing wrong? I got push back on all of these (intuitively tried to do it, before I knew better). It all just gets twisted back. "Well I FEEL like telling you that, why are you so sensitive!?" You can't ask for sympathy when you were offered none, it's absurd.

[@Tara-jq2ii]

Oh hell no. Cuz I am asking for accountability, because some things are not up for debate, some things are not right or wrong some things are just wrong and if you can't own that and you can't comfort and you can't feel what type of pain you have caused me and you cannot connect with me on that level then you are not in love

[@jessiedeg2822]

Does not work 😢

[@user-ye1bg4iu6m]

You can not say those three things to a covert narcissist. That’s the very game their are playing so please make yourself clear on this point.

[@davidjimenez2002]

Should I ask my partner that? Because sometimes if I just let her vent. She’ll then ask if I’m paying attention.

[@d1snuts]

1. Feelings are not facts! 2. You have nothing to vent about! You are imagining this conflict 3. I'm listening but your viee of the issue is still wrong

[@IS26999]

THIS IS SO ACCURATE! I am facing the same problem but I'm slowly giving up on how I feel, I'm dismissing my emotions and my interests since the only person I want to share it with will turn the conversation into comments like these. If I talk to a friend at 9pm after finishing all my duties and tell him about my day then it's like you're wasting your time, I don't see you doing things that need your attention, blah blah.. And he thinks I dwell too much on my past which includes my dad's death :) And it's been 5 years to this relationship and now I feel like I'm needy when I actually never share anything about my feelings or my thoughts with anyone else. It was always him and now it's just me in my head moving on with things on my own. :)

[@minaso81307]

The saddest part is that most of the women who complain about "not needing mansplaining" are the ones that dismiss your feelings the most. Ladies, STAY AWAY from the man haters Cuz they're ALL bitter af! 😢

[@JutubRacun-rs5jt]

Hahahaha, there is no person that smart enough to comprehend what you just said, or be willing to just fucking validate someone's feelings

[@hehemadeyalook]

I mean technically feelings don't matter

[@1286cassandra]

😮

[@hehemadeyalook]

@@1286cassandra it sucks but if you want to get ahead in life you can't sit around and expect other people to care about your feelings

[@DrinkYourNailPolish]

Actually in terms of thriving, yes they do. Studies have shown ppl who feel that their emotions have been validated often have a 1. Longer life 2. Better quality of life. These people have fewer illnesses, are happier, more productive, contribute more to society, etc. So according to statistical fact, feelings do matter.

[@DrinkYourNailPolish]

@@hehemadeyalook you are presupposing that validation must be external however when one validates their own emotions they statistically tend to do better in life than those who completely deny internal emotional self validation.

[@lovelight2577]

Then why even have relationships with people?

[@natashakaye9223]

I've done this many times, and it's good advice. However I've come to the conclusion that most people don't understand (or care) and it's almost like I said nothing.

[@EuphoriaInBloom]

That’s what I’ve done. I’ve told him I’m just explaining how I feel in hopes that he’ll understand but he gets defensive and tells me I’m irrational :/

[@dieseltu1035]

Youre not supposed to express how you feel, because how you feel is lies.. it don't matter.we aren't going to listen to you vent. We have things to do. We don't care about your fake useless irrelevant experiences.. because we arent children we have responsibilities and you do to...

[@STEVIESAWONDER]

Thank you❤