Emotional labor and the myth of "women's work" | Regina F. Lark | TEDxFolsom

[@Indoor0gamer]

My Dad is 68 and still treats my Mom like this. No matter how much I try to open their minds to this stigma, unfortunately I fear my Mom will never learn that her potential worth in this world is so much more than serving him. Once he came over and repaired my clothes dryer and left a huge mess of tools, parts, ect. When I came home from work, I called him up to fuss about the mess he left, to which he replied- “That’s women’s work” and hung up on me. It’s never sat right with me since.

[@joeldwest]

I saw lots of that too

[@DianneElizabeth64]

You’re mom may not want to hear your dad yap or deal with a brooder when you aren’t around because she “acted out”. I’m guessing of course. She may love it

[@atdorianisart9132]

Have you ever considered that this is the kind of dynamic your mom chose and wants for her life. They ask yourself: is it fair for you to try and change her mind on the way she has chosen to live her life with the person she has chosen to love?

[@Giantpenguin]

Did he fix it though?

[@ericmatthews9799]

He probably said to get a rise out of you.. he just saved you a labor fee, not to mention dealing with a company wait time, and not dealing with a stranger in house. . And yet, when he passes, you'll talk about him, like he was a saint..

[@carolmarzouk4150]

So many incredible insights! You explained it so perfectly - Love Radical Delegation! My husband has been doing much of the work around the house, even though he is fully employed - just because he believes in exactly what you are saying! Brilliant, you are, Regina Lark!

[@venust.4119]

My family generationally considered "women's" work to be for women. My parents still live by it, and my brother, unfortunately, was raised with the same values. My husband and i are breaking the vicious cycle:)

[@Indoor0gamer]

Kudos!!

[@Kritikanbringer]

Yeah, seems pretty vicious that women are forced to do so-called women's work when their husbands are only dying on the battlefield or at the workplace, where most victims are male.

[@bdnnijs192]

Are you breaking the cycle by fixing half the stuff around the house, or did you just break the cycke by saddling your partner with more work?

[@mandieeleaver3321]

I hope so. It’s nice women and some men are waking up. But I think it’s going to be a long time before this actually happens. Sadly, by the time a problem is realized girls are kinda stuck with it. Or in a hard to get out of situation.

[@threeofeight197]

My partner and I have found a pretty equitable split of the household chores. Part of the task is to make sure one stands up for one’s self. If the other person isn’t helping enough in your opinion… bring it up.

[@rig4365]

It's never 50 50 at any given time. Work together

[@threeofeight197]

@@rig4365 100%. That is the key. Work together. For example I get the winter blues but I get a jolt of energy in the summer. I contribute more in the summer than I do in the winter. My partner stays relatively even so he picks up my slack in winter and reaps the rewards in summer. Sometimes we do get on each others nerves but typically we find a balance that works for both of us.

[@mandieeleaver3321]

Sadly I’ve tried. It just results in a huge fight. I think he just needs a therapist or someone he’ll actually listen to to stop him and say it. Because my words are falling on deaf ears and have been for years. I hate it. But doesn’t even occur to him

[@ŠemantaMakko]

​@@mandieeleaver3321 well simply walk away if you have already tried my dear

[@funnytv-1631]

While healthy relationships are a part of your Fabulous journey, so is solitude. Have you created time to spend with yourself lately? Really tune in and just be? There is one relationship at the core of all others: you-to-you.

[@wottevva]

this is true, but spend enough time just doing you, and you end up alone. human beings are meant to have relationships, and make babies.

[@PurpleNoir]

@@wottevvaI do think humans ought to have meaningful relationships with each other, but romantic relationships aren’t really a necessity in life, and having kids is a personal choice, definitely not for everyone.

[@rig4365]

​@@PurpleNoiryou say that now. Wait until your 40

[@arodvaz1955]

I am 40 and my desire for kids right now is minimal.

[@rig4365]

​@@arodvaz1955it'll hit you

[@worldadventuretravel]

I'm always the most at peace when I'm single.

[@craigfleishman492]

So very well done. Congratulations on a great talk. Sometimes as children grow, they too can be brought into the equality of the home. How else will they learn equity? Not that it's easy. You Rock, Regina!

[@PeggyRenner-g8x]

What an impressive opportunity to see what you are doing. Congratulations on your success. It is interesting to see how my sons have been able to tackle some of the lessons Bob and I offered that have taken them down less oppressed lives for their wives and children. But there is still so much more to be done. Thanks for taking on this challenge.

[@luckystoller6171]

Have any of y'all noticed that a lot of "Women's Work" ends up being work men don't want to do? Or is it just me?

[@JohnBarrentine]

Great talk, Regina. The social constructs around this topic are so powerful that even in our relationship my husband and I find ourselves being pulled into the age old conversation around traditional roles and how not to fall prey to our socially engrained ideas around domestic work and associated stereotypes.

[@jaredschmidt8013]

Why are traditional roles bad?

[@graceandjacob]

It’s absolutely insane how we’re doing things. Women are still doing most of the childcare and housework, but oh yeah, we’re also EXPECTED TO WORK FULL-TIME AS WELL. How is this an improvement?

[@rig4365]

Feminism....

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

Well it's not. 😂

[@deannaholm3799]

Look at the women in the 60s and 70s who promoted feminism....they didn't have children 😮.

[@captainobvious6070]

Here's the issue: Woman: Scientifically shown, women can lead better. If women led, from a matriarchal led system= no wars. You have God-given intelligence that you refuse to use to stay at home??? Leaving the world in man's hands?? You give birth. Why can't he do his part and take care of the kids? Why does he put his name on the kid YOU bore? And on yours? Why does the man get to make decisions? Which you stay home and do chores for HIM to be th one achieving self actualisation?

[@deniselee1729]

And this is why women are typically the clients for residential organizers, and why they feel frustrated and embarrassed when they call for an organizer's help. It's time to recognize emotional labor and share the tasks of household management. Kudos Dr. Lark!

[@bdnnijs192]

Changing a lightswitch. Studyjng correct working procesures, anticipating the parts needed, planning and organising a trip to the hardware store, anticipating and preparing the tools needed, scheduling the time of day. Since you're working on a lightswitch you need daylite to do it, so there may not be enough time to compensate unforseen delay if you fix if after work, it's the bedroom so it cannot interfere with the baby's naptime, you're working with electricity so the spouse needs to be there to ta care of the kids at a safe distance and you need to accomodate for partner's plans during those shared moments if she has family time planned. And she believes men don't suffer invisible labour.

[@glitzerplastikchichi]

@@bdnnijs192 Most of the invisible work is done by women; not by men. This is empirically proven. Don't act as if this share is comparable to a man deigning to mow the lawn every now and then or repair something.

[@gardendormouse6479]

I don't think she said that men don't ever have to perform emotional labor.

[@alanpbrown]

Brilliant. Nicely delivered. Eye-opening (for those interested in seeing something new). Bravo and Congrats my friend!

[@mandieeleaver3321]

The sad part perhaps funny in a morbid way. If anyone actually took out a job ad listing all of the things that women do for their homes and the kind of Pay that they get for doing this they would be ridiculed mocked scorned, and basically the entire thing will be thrown out the window. (If posted publicly) kind of like those babysitter ads where they expect women to work for eight hours and only get like two dollars an hour.

[@jessicaparrino1341]

Ironic i clicked on this while folding laundry and making the grocery list 😅

[@Kritikanbringer]

Ironic that during most of "men's work" you can't watch videos.^^

[@geckogaming3658]

@@KritikanbringerThe point is that women are working nowadays too, while simultaneously doing an overwhelming majority of household tasks. Hope this helped you understand the point of the video

[@Pythone55]

I needed this. Thank you.

[@lisagessert4698]

excellent talk Regina and such a great topic!! well done!! (A fellow organizer) :-)

[@daughter_of_yeshua]

There is so much to this. I think most of us are all feeling overworked, men and women. At least in my situation. Our current economy has put us in this situation. Most no longer have the choice to only have one working spouse. Our families are structured different. We are spread out and dont have help from our families/village to raise children and acquire and cook food. Returning to our origins and really questioning what we all need to thrive is required.

[@ericmatthews9799]

I'll agree about the over worked, but I also think we are over distracted with a screen. I just watched a useless video, now I'm commenting about it . I should be vacuuming, doing the dishes .. also, the way men and women protect the family. This woman has a "useless" job.

[@rig4365]

​@@ericmatthews9799you're not making sense

[@ericmatthews9799]

@@rig4365 ok! This speaker is pandering...

[@rig4365]

@@ericmatthews9799 👍

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

​@@ericmatthews9799ok? Just not pandering to you, and that's your problem with it 😂

[@steve5674]

Love this, Regina! Proud of you! Excellent presentation!

[@jamiesavell7501]

So how does delegation work when you delegate, and no one does what they're asked to? Like kids fuss. I can punish, but realistically, you can not make a person do anything. I can tell my husband, who has ADHD, 50 times to do something, i can write a note that he never notices, and all it does is literally create more work for me because now im in charge of reminding and punishing when things are done that i have delegated. It's a no-win situation.

[@rahshedasmith5812]

Thank you ❤

[@md.mofijulislam9226]

Thanks for everything 🌹♥️

[@rig4365]

Any time ✌️

[@leti_ci_a]

This came at the exact right time. For the past couple of days I've been thinking about all the mental and emotional work I do, always anticipating other's needs, taking care of the house (also doing "man's work") taking care of our dog, my husband and our relationship while trying to do my own things, hobbies and going to therapy! All of these so that my husband can navigate through life as easily as possible because he already feels stressed at work. And the men in the comments are just sad...

[@rig4365]

Support your man. A man's life is no picnic. Your husband sounds Ike a good guy

[@Indoor0gamer]

The men in these comments treat women exactly as the video states

[@rig4365]

@@urvashisangwan8858 enjoy it. But be good to your husband. You're supposed to be a team.

[@Kritikanbringer]

Stop trying to shame men instead of giving an argument. In fact, it is not "emotional labour" if you use appeals to emotion or emotional manipulation tactics instead of sound rational arguments!^^

[@leti_ci_a]

@@rig4365 don't worry, we support our husbands. My husband is a good guy indeed. I just try to balance things out by talking (instead of fighting). I have to recognize when I'm overworked instead of feeling guilty for being tired (which I can tell is a constant feeling for women)

[@haveabanana2930]

Unless people are actually going to start getting paid a livable wage for raising their children and doing their housework, "emotional labor" is never going to be taken as seriously as an actual paying job. Just a sad fact.

[@thomasgronek6469]

I agree with that, but with both sexes in the workforce, the wages were cut, so both men and women have to do both jobs of work and child rearing. I worked two jobs, and overtime so my wife could stay home with the children, I also did dishes, laundry, vacuumed, etc to help her. But you are correct, and actually there is never enough monetary compensation for such work, for men or women, the best one can do is enjoy the reward our children give us , that's the best we can hope for.

[@rig4365]

Where should that money come from

[@haveabanana2930]

@@thomasgronek6469 having both sexes in the workforce is not why wages stagnated while cost of living continued climbing. Corporate greed is at the root of all our troubles - corporations have been allowed to take over our country and buy our politicians - have them do their bidding - and the rich get richer while the middle class disappears and more people fall into poverty.

[@thomasgronek6469]

@@haveabanana2930I can’t disagree with that at all. If everyone quit their jobs maybe we’d get a reset, or the corporate pigs would just ship more jobs abroad. The government must stop corporations from moving. We need jobs here. People must STOP buying imported products

[@maxhumber6170]

But then again , what is a woman?

[@amydecker6207]

This attitude from men is why they remarry within weeks after we die. They only want an appliance, not a partner.

[@yanzi8543]

I'm the women who doesn't mind a messy house. My husbands sense for tyding up and cleaning stresses me out again and again. Even if I want to help him he's never satisfied with the way I do it. It feels really terrorizing for me.

[@icingcake]

sounds like a terrible boss

[@yanzi8543]

@ 🤣

[@minnaroseahlers2758]

Since the time when men left the home to work and women raised the children domestic work has been unpaid even though it's essential. "Women's work" has counted for nothing for far too long.

[@rig4365]

That's not true. In most religions the mother is revered. Feminism is what hurts mothers most.

[@Kritikanbringer]

Who should pay you then? Your children? The government, i. e. other people who do not profit from all the positive aspects you enjoy from having children?

[@minnaroseahlers2758]

I think the government should pay, at least partly, since today's children are tomorrow's workforce.

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

💯 accurate AF

[@rig4365]

@@minnaroseahlers2758 not from my taxes thank you very much

[@zoltanwilson4277]

As a Long Beach Walmart employee, I will do my best to be as professional as I can. But please do not be rude to me or I WILL be rude back. And please stop abandoning your carts!

[@calvinsmyth]

Let men/males pay others for all of the work the woman in their life, wife or mother, does around the house and they'll get a hint of the value of "woman's work," and if they are honest about it, they'll realize the cheap labor they have been disrespecting at home.

[@rig4365]

Oh come on. That's ridiculous

[@Kritikanbringer]

Ever noticed that most of those men share their wage earnings with their women? In the US, women spend most of the money and make most of the consumption decisions (not only routine household spending but larger things, too).

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

"The work of the home, is simply work that must be done. Nothing more Nothing less What makes one better or worse at it, is a matter of FUNCTION not gender... "

[@bdnnijs192]

Only if women also pay men for their work around the hous as handyman, mechanic, part time nanny, etc. I wonder what gender folds first.

[@calvinsmyth]

@@bdnnijs192 Men will fold. Most often they will do without vs paying for "women's work." Whereas, working women, married or single, already pay for men's work i.e. handymen & mechanics, plus, they pay for babysitters/nannies & house cleaners. Men don't maintain the house or the family most of the time. Women do. At work, I have never had a male coworker take time off for a child issue (sick kid, school meeting, doctor's appt.,) all the women/mothers do and I am speaking of married male and female co-wokers.

[@eternalbear1135]

Yeah no, please don’t listen to this. I am not disagreeing with her about the issue but the way she presented is a perfect recipe for resentment, entitlement and conflict. Look, to talk about this issue people need to be honest about the past, about biological and psychological differences, about social expectations, about stereotypes, about positive things that men do around the house and about the ways that women contribute to this issue. It’s a serious problem-the little things often have huge impacts on marriages, but this lady is sowing the seeds for conflict, not harmony.

[@hannahberlinpetry450]

This is where I think we also need to ditch the idea of a SAH parent. This almost always falls to women and leaves them feeling depressed, anxious, tired, taking on their whole families’ responsibilities, sacrificing themselves, gender inequality, and potentially more susceptible to abuse. But too many people get angry at the idea that SAH parenting may not be a good choice for themselves or their families. What are your thoughts on this?

[@jaredschmidt8013]

Being a stay at home parent is not a difficult job

[@CouchCommander5000]

0:35. No, I thought lawn mowing, Dump runs, fixing the pluming, oil rigs, brick laying. You're more than welcome to those jobs lady's. And ill more than happily do the vacuuming.

[@joeldwest]

Frck lawns and the Engliish aristocracy thaat created iit. Should all be forest gardens.

[@dontimberman5493]

My wife likes mowing the lawn. I like not spending the day out in the heat for a change. Plus I like cooking breakfast on the weekends.

[@jessica4440]

Cool, thanks :) I’ve always wanted to do those jobs

[@CouchCommander5000]

@@jessica4440 no ones stopping you!

[@CouchCommander5000]

@@dontimberman5493 I like doing everything too

[@shellyjoseph3109]

My ex husband one of the reasons I divorced him. He wanted to do n9thing but sit around after he pretended to be otherwise

[@seeyourwayclear-organizing7456]

Brava!!

[@DominionMovementDotOrg]

i recommend the book Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price

[@rig4365]

What's it about?

[@kireaholic1]

Phenomenal! !!

[@nguyenthanhchung9999]

Thank ❤❤

[@kracker2226]

Dont ever call yourself a cis woman. You are a woman , full stop.

[@sarahharris2729]

LOUDER

[@JenOween]

**goes to find a megaphone**

[@ryanwolf3950]

Oooooh, taking a shot at trans people to get attention. So brave. And original.

[@ns-kt]

YES!!

[@deannaholm3799]

Although I did agree with much of this, the irony became crystal clear....feminism is what TOLD us we HAD to do more, work more, be like the men, have it all....and now that we have it decades later, it's obvious that wasnt the right message...😮 bc no one can be all, do all, and have it all. Also, these loud feminists don't seem to have children in the mix?!!?

[@erikacalvert9481]

Bravo, Regina!!!!!!

[@mervecicek327]

It’s mind boggling to me how men don’t recognize household work as work belong to them such entitlement

[@jaredschmidt8013]

What kind of household work are we talking? Mowing the lawn? Shoveling the driveway? Moving furniture? Replacing smoke detector batteries?

[@CenaBlock]

You are absolutely right on my friend! Thank you for your emotional labor to birth this concept, champion this reality and help everyone magically see what is invisible to so many. Huzzah! You rock!

[@jaredschmidt8013]

If you think “emotional labor” is a real thing then you have zero business in the workforce.

[@atdorianisart9132]

Know what you're ok with committing to before you choose to cohabitate with someone. If you're not good at (or don't want to commit to gaining the skill to) becoming a homemaker / housewife, don't get married or cohabitate with someone who needs that type of support system that fits the "Woman's Work" narrative. Choose what you are comfortable with committing to and don't let anyone try to change your mind if you're happy with your choices or commitments whether it's considered "Woman's Work" or not. Everyone is different.

[@Kritikanbringer]

Right. Women chase and choose the alphas and then complain that those are no betas. It's ridiculous! Most men would be greatful if women chose their men more wisely.

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

Right, you have a great plan and agreement between both parties prior to entering the relationship, marriage, cohabitation and parenthood.... And hopefully NONE of that changes AFTER you're married with children 😂

[@andilegumede6233]

It the same thing that man are expected to go through for their families like hard labour, working in dangerous places so that they can feed their families. So we must look at both side to find a good solition, because women are expected to do household duties as a result of what man are expected to do.

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

Yeah and when both mom and dad work an office job? Yeah.....

[@RayFlemming7080]

The majority of men in modern relationships do not work dangerous jobs.

[@celestialcircledance]

What about mowing the lawn, snow shoveling, , home repairs, replacing fire alarm batteries, car maintenance and handling finances that tends to fall mostly on men? To me that sounds like an even exchange that balances out . In my observation men also seem to be more likely to play with her their kids then women which sounds like fun but also requires a lot of energy .

[@madicakez318]

I still did all those things too, a woman’s work is never done 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@mjpidaho]

My husband chose to do all the “outside” things. I was ASSIGNED to do the boring, inside things as well as laundry, groceries, etc. Also, if men play with the kids, most don’t help with homework, hold their kids when they’re crying because they’re heartbroken, etc. I was a well paid single mother by my wonderful loving husband. Guess what, the kids talk to me about their lives and they talk to him about “things.”

[@celestialcircledance]

@@mjpidaho Inside things aren't boring to me and it sounds like at the end both of you filled an important role for your kids and got what you most desired out of the relationship !

[@rig4365]

​@@mjpidahosounds Ike you need to adjust your attitude

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

Yes there's at least 16 different household chores that need to be done, some of them, multiple times a day.... every single day And then there's chores that are every other day, every week, or once or twice a month like deep cleaning, reorganizing closets, rooms, and bins etc.. And all the seasonal stuff for winter, spring, summer, fall, holidays etc.... What this lady's saying is that "traditional "men's work" is weekly, monthly, well defined, and over when it's over"..... And that makes sense when you consider that list of "traditional men's work" from the op aren't all day every day stuff

[@jodiesiegel7606]

Thank you, Regina! Great talk 😊

[@james-ob9rz]

Women feel so sorry for them self

[@dontimberman5493]

Anticipate birthdays is important? I got 2 birthdays growing up 8 & 16. If I’m in charge of running the household then ya getting the catchup is my job. “emotional labor” it’s just labor.

[@icingcake]

Good - now don’t bother a woman with your emotional problems.

[@tonyschannel7438]

Men, if you deicide to start seeing a therapsit, if you can help it (i know sometimes you don't have the option) make sure your therapist is also a man. Because while women may be good therapists for other women, they are not good therapists for men! I mean women today already believe they have more than enough of their own problems (which are usually caused by men). Why would they want to spend their day listening to a bunch of men whine about theirs? I know profdssional therapists make good money, but still. The gender of a therapist and their patient/client needs to be the same!

[@jaredschmidt8013]

Therapy can be a genuine positive for some people who have deep-rooted problems that can’t be fixed by simply faking it until you make it, but most therapists are predatory people who prey on the weaknesses of others and exploit those vulnerabilities to make themselves, doctors, and pharmaceutical companies more money.

[@jamesbleck4122]

This is self inflicted emotional labor. Ive not heard women's work mentioned in decades. Too many people today think caring and providing for children and a home is some unusual and burdensome task. Grow up. Lighten up. Enjoy work as much as play. Its a mindset. Much of life is just grinding out results.

[@icingcake]

😂 you shouldn’t have a family, just be a drill instructor

[@dranon0o]

Maybe if we didn't allowed our oligarchs to spend more than what a nation is able to while printing money that will just a future-tax through inflation making impossible to have an household with ONE income to live comfortably while allowing mass immigration which increase the cost of house affordability and reduce the quality of life... and so many other consequences MAYBE families and specially women would be happier, less depressed, less medicated, less lonely and more focus on what their body and genetic want them to do to be rewarded for it. The rest is cope

[@haveabanana2930]

Well, you're kinda onto something here, but women do not want to only work in the home. We want our own income, but people Should Definitely be able to survive and raise a family off one income if that's what they want. Fact is wages have not kept up with cost of living for over 40 years - and the wealth gap has unsurprisingly increased to a ridiculous degree, thanks to Reaganomics. We need more wealth tax and lower cost on goods and services. But it's not gonna happen unless workers demand it. Having healthcare tied to your job doesn't help either - workers have less power and fewer options to do anything else bcuz they may need that healthcare. Point is - workers in the US have less freedom than pretty much every other developed country in the world. The only way this changes is if we can elect people who actually care bcuz there's no way we can all organize.

[@PurpleNoir]

Women can have careers, pursue their own ambitions and live single/child-free. That’s normal. What’s also normal is if she WANTS to have a family and work. Stay-at-home moms are just as valid too though.

[@rig4365]

​@@PurpleNoirthe myth that you can have it all

[@rig4365]

​@@haveabanana2930the myth that you can have it all

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

Sure ... If all women could just stay home and do everything but work outside the house... And if men could just go to work and that's it ... Everything would be just perfect ❤

[@samuelpayne5460]

The reason why “women’s work is never done” is because women can’t quiet their minds. Men do the things that we think are necessary and weigh the effort vs reward in doing so. Men just want to spend time with our loved ones. It isn’t a labor at all. Women want to make a production of things (men do not care about that at all). If you want something done, do it. But, delegation of things you want done that only you care about without reciprocation is called slavery. What’s worse is that you’re acting like you’re being wronged when people don’t do what you tell them to do when the only thing in it for them is to avoid a fight (this is you using fear to motivate the ones you”love” and then you call it emotional labor). Sounds a lot more like the tactics of a narcissist.

[@captainobvious6070]

We can't quiet our minds because early on we weren't allowed to and each time we took rest our parents taught us not to. Simple. But a hoe like u cannot understand

[@icingcake]

😂 translation “Women should not be allowed to nag me about not lifting a finger in the house”

[@icingcake]

I bet you’re the narcissist 👀

[@bdnnijs192]

Changing a lightswitch. Studyjng correct working procedures(*), anticipating the parts needed, planning and organising a trip to the hardware store, anticipating and preparing the tools needed, scheduling the time of day. Since you're working on a lightswitch you need daylight to do it, so there may not be enough time to compensate unforseen delay if you fix if after work, it's the bedroom so you need to plan around the baby's naptime, you're working with electricity so the spouse needs to be there to ta care of the kids at a safe distance and you need to accomodate for partner's plans if she has family time planned during the appropriate moments. And she believes men don't suffer emotional labour. (*) looking for youtube how to open a lightswitch as intended without damaging or scratching it.

[@Iminawe69]

Sir respectfully...shove it

[@bdnnijs192]

@@Iminawe69 What exactly is the point you disagree with?

[@Benjamin-1776-]

Every. Single. Time.

[@ericmatthews9799]

Revenge Of The Cis fan?

[@fakename2074]

💁‍♀️✡️

[@dt_generalzod]

Cis?

[@jaredschmidt8013]

If the term “emotional labor” isn’t the saddest most pathetic excuse to act like a child in the workplace then I don’t know what is. The fact you even have to make up terms like “emotional labor” just means you have no business in the workplace. Grow up. Stop acting like children for the love of all that is good and holy.

[@icingcake]

😂 someone’s mad

[@jaredschmidt8013]

@ yep. Working with petulant adults who have the mental and emotional maturity of children frustrates me.

[@XTheOneCat]

as soon as I hear cisgender woman I know that the speech is going one way.

[@angelaballard3929]

Oh, you're one of those.

[@rig4365]

​@@angelaballard3929a realist

[@james-ob9rz]

Are men getting paid to fix stuff in the house

[@peterj.walker7791]

I wonder how many people got up and walked out. Everything she is describing, men have to do at work but a thousand times more important. Also, my mother did not teach my sisters how to play house. My sisters played house because mom was a superhero and my sisters looked up to her and wanted to be just like her.

[@annamo9354]

Yes, but were you able to look into that superhero's heart? Did you see her doubts? My mum was also my superhero, because she worked. Feckin' hard! For over 40 years! Held it all together...sorted out my dad's and my brother's lives. And then she got diagnosed with cancer...and on her deathbed she cried and said she wished she'd had more time to travel with me. Needless to say that when she died the male members of my family who always relied on her to do everything had no idea how to even operate the washing machine. It was a steep road of learning for them!!!

[@sarajessamine]

Women have jobs outside the home too... Women have to go to work and o the same "thousand times more important" jobs as well, but the difference is they ALSO have to do the work in the home and the emotional labor. The attitude that men's work (which isn't a real thing) is "a thousand times more important" is the reason there is such a disparity in the home.

[@jeffmilligan]

You did a great job or erasing men's contribution entirely. And I don't know a single father who didn't make cupcakes with his kids. You live in another decade.

[@nicoled5455]

My father didn’t and I can count on one hand how many times he’s cooked. He works but leaves everything else to my mum. My brothers too. Me and my mum were treated like Cinderella. I’m glad you know men like this but not all of us do sadly.

[@jeffmilligan]

@@nicoled5455 And in your generation now?

[@nicoled5455]

@@jeffmilliganmy generation of men? I’m in my 30s and yes things are thankfully changing but my parents generation has many more years to live. Things are changing but let’s highlight these issues to speed it further. My brothers are my gen and they certainly don’t so It’s still important.

[@thomasgronek6469]

Men and women have different jobs, and do different things. Women care about people, children and a home etc. Men care about things, lawnmowers, bridges houses (Note the difference between house and home), etc. Yes, there is woman's work, and man's work.

[@calvinsmyth]

No, just no, to the idea of what is women's or man's work. In day-to-day living, most work is up for grabs for anyone to do. Even men have to hire or have extra muscle around to do some of the work, as do women. I know of many smart, talented, and hard-working people, they are a mix of men and women, not just men. smh

[@thomasgronek6469]

@@calvinsmyth You apparently know nothing about people. that's sad. women have higher oxytocin levels than men, because the urge to nurture must be innate. It isn't learned. When groups of monkeys are given dolls and trucks, the male monkeys immediately grab the trucks and the female monkeys grab the dolls, it's an innate characteristic that travels across ALL species of animals. without it, species would not survive, , , no species would survive. Men protect, women nurture. why do you think women remember dates, places, and interactions and men don't. Because women pay attention to these things that involve people, , , men don't. Sorry to burst your bubble, but fact is the matter of the day, not how you feel about it.

[@angelaballard3929]

Nonsense. You need to engage with the real world. Was Marie Curie doing ' women's work in winning two Nobel prizes?

[@PurpleNoir]

Bro…..Search Lyudmilla Pavlichenko, she was a Soviet sniper who killed n*zis. Yeah that fits your definition of “women’s work”

[@thomasgronek6469]

@@angelaballard3929 There are always outliers who don't fit the 80% pattern. Some men are more muscular than average, some more slight. Same for women. but By and large, the population follows a pattern of hormone profiles that are specific to women, and men. I personally, prefer women doctors, because women care about the person, not the ailment, not the quota/hour, etc.

[@junaidansari4935]

2

[@jeffmilligan]

So men do nothing and never bear any emotional labour. Got ya.

[@katiaassuncao2024]

❤️❤️✅✅

[@Lothieveth]

Nice ted talk incredible work, but a serious personal question. Im a 23 year old man and do not find house work that hard, literally takes like 10 hours a weak to keep a house clean and feed two people, okay yeah having a family sure is harder but still no more than 20 hours a week. Birthdays and stuff like that or dinners are not something i consider house work but still easy to manage, i work, am a university student and still manage to do everything while maintaining a social life.

[@Kritikanbringer]

There is no such thing as emotional labour.

[@icingcake]

Good - so don’t bother any women with your emotional needs.

[@enricotran3068]

This video seems pretty old to me. Maybe it’s true for the previous generations but in today’s world seems unrealistic. I suggest present some facts and not just talk about common biases.

[@drreginalark]

Which is what makes this issue so insidious - it's a decades-old conversation happening in real-time. I did volumes of research between 2020-2022 - that included focus groups with women between the ages of 30-75 - so aside from the historical reference to Betty Friedan, current/contemporary data was used for this talk.

[@wottevva]

I suppose its impossible to have both a career and be a mother to a family, and excel at both. Something has to suffer for the other to succeed. I personally think the old model was better for society overall, women ran the house, men earnt the money. Yes it sounds sexist, maybe I am, but pre internet, life was more predictable, more stable, and there were less single parent families, now it seems its a lack of commitment, a lack of foresight, and a lack of being able to endure problems, and work to fix them. Women are inherently better at certain roles, men are better at others, work as a team, win as a team. Sorry if I offend any women, not my intention, I have old fashioned values, and I see this modern era as an utter failure other than the technological evolution I have see, culturally, and socially, I feel we as a society have regressed when it comes to family tenants, and social norms.

[@angelaballard3929]

I gather you haven't engaged much in the real world and like being served

[@ericmatthews9799]

Don't be sorry! We've been conditioned now, " to be sorry"! I've said it on this thread, she has a "useless" job.. doesn't really contribute anything! If she was a woman that worked in a factory, I would listen!

[@PurpleNoir]

A woman can have both if she wishes to do so, attitudes like yours really don’t help. The pay gap and the fact that the U.S. still doesn’t have paid maternity leave are HUGE setbacks. Honestly, your comment sounds like it came from Taliban-controlled Afghanistan, think about that.

[@sonils1]

The previous model worked for everyone but the women who never gained the due respect in those ‘happy families’ hence their need for the change.

[@rig4365]

​@@angelaballard3929lol you gathered wrong. His comment is bang on

[@BhartiyaCricketFan]

Unnecessarily Using 18+ Words & restricting the spread of this video.

[@StudentsSquad]

Women are meek as compare to the men because men can easily do such heavy work that women cannot do it .

[@midnightmoon2]

You realize men and women have different roles and responsibilities to fulfill.

[@icingcake]

That’s why men created machines. So now what do men have to do? Shouldn’t they have the time and energy to help women lol

[@danilouandela9565]

Took me a long time to notice this is nonsense. Work has a gender.

[@dt_generalzod]

like bro, i guess any woman can just go and become a bricklayer

[@ericmatthews9799]

​@@dt_generalzodlol! This is the age of social media.. you may have to explain what a bricklayer is and does:) blue collar doesn't exist in this world:)

[@Rodrigo-tk2fm]

Ok, now work doesnt have a gender either 😂😂😂 Work is lgbt😅

[@rig4365]

🤣🤣🤣🤣