Enneagram: Coaching The 9w1

[@jonathanmorgan4480]

The biggest contradiction I've found in myself as a 9w1 is that I understand others' perspectives except for their inability to understand other perspectives. Put another way, I judge people for judging.

[@laeliawatt8593]

Haha, me too, that's a good way to describe it. 🤣

[@RandolphTheWhite1]

That's a super good point. I do that too. I didn't even notice

[@brooklynnfelix]

I said that SAME THING while watching this!!!!!!!

[@Corelila]

100%.

[@anajuliamalezon]

omg I'm a 9w1 as well and this is so accurate

[@kristianborillo8338]

The part where he kept shouting "make a decision! Make a decision! Make a decision!" made me so anxious like i just wanted to run away.

[@cloewebster619]

Me too!

[@nikkiajackson4256]

Me too😂😂

[@wendyfritz2652]

So funny😂😂😂me too I get it!

[@jaycline6879]

It was extremely encouraging to hear a different reason for saying NO than "you'll be angry and resent it later". Of course that is true, but for a 9 (who isn't in touch with their anger) it's not very motiviating. My highly-developed-nineness just says "You have no idea how adept I am at detaching from my anger/resentment. It doesn't work to threaten me with more of it." It's like threatening an introvert that if they don't go out and engage with people more, they'll find themselves alone. 🤨 Its far more helpful to me to hear you give the positive reason for saying NO. It can help me find what I want to say YES to. As difficult as it is for me to say NO, it is possible. What is far more bewildering to me is to understand how the rest of the world says YES. How does everyone know so immediately and clearly what they want/like/desire? It's the one thing about everone else that I don't empathize with. You've proposed something of real value to me by proposing that "leading with NO" is an active tactic that is effective in "discovering YES." Thanks, Tom, for giving us 9s a motivation that speaks to us.

[@stagingmaster]

I might have to watch this everyday for the foreseeable future. I can almost count the number of times I've said 'no' when asked to do something. I don't like upsetting other people and then I end up in situations I don't want to be in. Wow. Thanks so much for making this video!!!

[@twlahue]

You got this!

[@emilymurray3194]

Being a 9 as a woman means that people praise me when I stay quiet and agreeable but insult me as “aggressive” “bitchy” and “stubborn” when I set my boundary or assert my ideas, needs, and expectations.

[@trishabensonpriesmeyer5044]

Same here, I’ve started watching my words. Saying ‘it seems like’ or ‘in my opinion’, and a big one is ‘my preference is,,,’

[@jessicasykes1220]

Since I've been trying to be more assertive, I'm getting a lot of negative reactions.

[@CatGee]

Same

[@anjaligolam2167]

I have found for myself that it is easy to say no when you practice self-love. Especially when anxiety shows up, remember to be kind to yourself. Practice taking care of yourself. Treat yourself well. And i think it becomes easier to say no when you love who you are. Respect yourself. Respect your boundaries. Take care of yourself. When I become unhealthy as 9 I became lazy with taking self care. Because I think in the way that I am not important, my needs don't matter. It doesn't matter what I want. And you project outwards what you feel inwards. So if you are saying those things to yourself. Many people can notice that. And people will make use of that. People will make use of you if you don't stand up for yourself. But I noticed that when I started showing up for myself other people somehow started respecting my boundaries. Because I think I projected that self love outwards. 9s please don't ignore yourself. Take care. Show up to yourself first.

[@sarah8929]

Dr. Tom, your videos have helped me more than you could possibly know. It was extra helpful to be reminded that the initial discomfort in saying “no” is validation that I am growing and learning what I actually want to say “yes” to, and not an indication that I am failing. Thank you so much for sharing your time and wisdom so generously.

[@twlahue]

You're very welcome!

[@jonsteever128]

Why, oh why did I not understand this in my 20s?! Maybe my 50s wouldn't feel like such an insurmountable crisis if I had. Better late than never, I suppose.

[@infernal..]

Cuz no internet

[@13kristanicole]

I’ve listened to a LOT of content on nines. This video is spot on and extremely helpful. Thank you!!

[@twlahue]

Awesome! Thank you!

[@coralynnbrown6761]

People were always insisting that I, a 9, weigh in on their argument.....till one day I told someone STOP IT. "I have been put in the middle my whole life, and I won't be there anymore. I quit."

[@jessicabradshaw3365]

FANTASTIC!!! Thank you so much for making this video. Things I liked the best as a sexual 9w1: 1. Start listening to the 8 and build up self integrity by saying NO 2. Don’t listen to the 1 and 6 who want you to conform and not make waves 3. Becoming stronger (with help of the 8wing) allows room for the goals and ambitions of the inner 3 to EMERGE and FLOWER THANK YOU FOR THIS LIFESAVING ADVICE!!!

[@jocopo872]

I’m a 9w1 and laughing out loud as I watch this, feeling very grateful for my life after lots of painful growth. Grateful because I have a 3 father and an 8 mother, which was actually very painful as a younger person, but finally seeing the gift of this as I find the balance for myself in my life. Thank you for your video!

[@tenshy94]

I just found out I'm a 9w1sx and this spoke to my soul I feel so lost in life in general and listen to this made me feel understood (which varely happens)

[@cpucilowski]

As a newly discovered 9w1 this also explains why I fall in love with 8’s and 3’s ... they help define me so I could cruise and become the “supporter” and “get across the prairie!!” Thank you!

[@trishabensonpriesmeyer5044]

Just discovered this as well. Married to an 8 and past have been 3

[@evbemma33]

Being in a relationship with 8 or 3 9s are choosing the life to be in the 2nd row...😢

[@JessicaUndseth]

No one has ever understood my struggle so well. Thank you for this encouraging and helpful video. What great advice - I needed to hear this

[@willkohler379]

Thank you very much for your insights. The video reminds of a quote I heard once a long time ago: "The space for what you really want is filled with what you settled for instead."

[@Adelledandridge]

For the first time I feel like I’m about to start living my life as the real me! This will be a long journey… But after watching you, I feel understood by my own self and full of hope for the future! A million thanks!

[@jansilloway325]

Whoa. I’m a 9 wing 1 and a recent widow. I’m working so hard to figure out who I am, and what I truly want in my life. This is so helpful.

[@Baileypatt97]

Thank you so much Dr. Tom! I’m a 9w1 and you have helped me immensely. I will learn to start saying “no” more, which is definitely unnatural for me. Your videos have been huge blessings. Thanks for all you do and God bless!

[@twlahue]

Wonderful!

[@EnhancedVomit]

Can u give us an update? How has saying no more impacted your life for the better? I’m a 9 w 1 and I’m curious to know :)

[@jaythommy]

Thank you Tom, I've been working a lot on myself as a 9w1 and this was a HUGE message directly for someone like me. Setting healthy boundaries has been my journey lately and using "no" like you said is the best advice. Thank you so much!

[@Rich-wi7dn]

9w1 and INFP-T here. I really appreciate your videos and am equally enthused and overwhelmed. I hope I can harness all of this and find a positive purpose. Thanks for your videos!

[@sapaducy1]

Same

[@ashleyching3166]

9 is imo, the most special. And im saying this as a 4 LOL

[@lem5496]

Thank you 😭

[@emilymurray3194]

Omg that means so much

[@Onehundredpounds]

It's the most common one tho

[@YEDxFILMS]

@@Onehundredpounds With ESFJs and ESTJs being common, that doesn’t make much sense to me

[@Onehundredpounds]

@@YEDxFILMS doesn't make sense to me either but supposedly it's the most common result to get. 6 is a close second

[@CarolynsLoveRickshaw]

I love the idea of saying no to everything to awaken my yes!! Thank you 🙏🏽

[@zoeneuman388]

I've learned as a 9w1 that boundaries are so important, but I can't have boundaries the same way that my 8 husband does. I try to assert them in the kindest way possible, so that others don't feel rejected by them and understand that they are there for my own health and happiness.

[@heatherrinn6853]

This is so accurate for me - I've talked about SO MUCH of this with my therapist, even down to the yard and the fence, I almost want to send her this video, especially since she introduced me to the enneagram. Amazing to hear this message so clearly.

[@Dance0n]

As a 9w1, I relate to so much of this. That said, if I were deciding what color to paint my house, I"d have some preferences, but my pain would be in knowing that whatever color I choose, someone will be upset about having to look at my house. And by choosing a color I would be seen as taking sides and thereby increase the disharmony of the neighborhood.🙄

[@3mDoesStuff]

Funny story, I actually had a situation a while ago where I let my neighbor park their caravan in my yard because they had to make space to put in theirs. I said yeah sure because I thought it would only be a couple of days and I wanted to be a good neighbor. My boyfriend immediately said it was a bad idea and that they would take advantage of the situation, and I was like, no way, they would never... long story short, they ended up putting in a gate between our properties ( which I said "yes" to ) and the caravan stayed longer than I thought, and they even started making repairs to it on my yard! Eventually, after some time, they moved it to their yard on their own, but I was too scared to say anything, so it just became awkward, and inside I was screaming no while saying yes....So when I listened to your video, it all clicked! Thank you so much for making this, it has clarified so much for me, and I will start working on my NO!

[@artboyintennessee]

Thanks Doc!!! I’m a 9w1 and I am married to a 4w5. Great combo. So I told her to expect more NO out of me and she said “Good!” But it does feel like aggression so it takes practice and patience. I have a pretty cool “yard” though and an amazing and diverse circle of friends. Thanks for your approach and helpful training!!

[@emilymurray3194]

Oh my goodness yes! My 4w5 girlfriend inspires me so much. All their choices, ideas, desires, and needs are unapologetically important.

[@joyfulosity]

Honestly, this video is the most illuminating video on 9w1 I have found. Wow, it was almost crazy how accurate this was, it was like looking in a proverbial mirror! My favorite mantra I lived by for most all of my life has been “whatever [you] want, I have no preference” (when a friend finally somewhat called me out on it)… I learned SO much, thank you!!! I have honestly never considered that there are 3 voices involved in my making decisions. I will admit I have even lately, due to having a very strong 8 father, been trying to eradicate any 8ness tendencies I might have to my type 9w1 personality, I definitely have been struggling with it a lot lately especially, and have felt rather threatened by it just because it feels so foreign, massively aggressive oftentimes (but then usually find out later still was so NOT aggressive at all). I never thought of how solid and dependable an 8 is, and how it can help lead into putting up healthy boundaries. I can’t say enough on how enlightening this was on the whole!

[@dari685]

True, sometimes when I've said no, people called me selfish and I hate that word, it makes me feel mean and I don't want to be mean

[@khadraLuula]

Thank you so much , this is So helpful , I truly appreciate it . I have the 8 showing up in my life lately , am dealing with a lot of resentment and anger after letting people decide everything for me from the shoes I wear to the man I marry . Am tired of explaining my perspective , the 8 is helping me say this is what it is , period , I am saying NO more often . Mr. 3 is awaking too , I just realized that I have dreams of my own, it's a beautiful feeling . The hard part is throwing people garbage in my life . It's garbage , but it still feels so rude to throw it . I feel like I owe people something , I feel like I have to be their garbage keeper . I don't know if I am going to the wrong direction since 9 are suppose to care about people , making peace , and bringing people together but I am sick of all of that . I have being the listener , problem solver , helper all my entire life . I missed my life , I missed me , I just want to help myself , listen to my self , take care of myself , work on my own things . Is this healthy ?! I wonder , I feel bad that I am not the same person I was , my whole identity was the helper , and I stopped helping . I feel relieved like a burden lifted up my shoulders , I hate being in conflict , I hate constent drama , I don't want to be a coach , a counselor , this was a dream I followed long time , I liked a counselor that helped me once , I want to be like her , but now I really don't , I can't deal with problems every day .

[@ldyjplantagenet]

Such good advice. I wish my 9w1 husband would watch this. There is one thing I would caution. Because 9s are slothful and sort of lazy (unhealthy), if they start saying, NO to everything, they will not do anything, My husband would say NO to everything and never leave the house or do a darn thing. So, it's good to practice saying NO to it all at first, but then at some point they need to learn to discern choosing when to say NO and when not to, so that they learn to say YES to things they love. I hope this makes sense.

[@ldyjplantagenet]

Ah, I just got to the part where you said to lead with the NO. That's good advice if people will be sure to choose YES sometimes.

[@erinosborn4602]

This is a good point! I'm curious, what's your type?

[@dawngiffin8692]

I can tell you that not all 9 w 1 s are sloth lazy because by saying no it can be energizing to us. Our saying no allows us the time and energy we need ti make a decision and actually set goals and accomplish them. Maybe when he appears to be doing nothing, it is his way if quietly saying no and figuring out what he wants to do instead of what someone else wants him to do. If he feels not listened to, it can cause him to spin his wheels and his discouragement will make him slothful.

[@gregalexander8032]

I can assure you us 9w1s have some amazing potential. What seems to be laziness to others in 9w1 is more likely a sign of being overwhelmed to the point that you are just sitting idle until someone gives you purpose, it is almost a paralyzing feeling. When you invite the 8 in and start saying no, the energy is almost instant! It is absolutely freeing. If you are an unbalanced 9w1, we have to use our 8 to get to our 3. We won't want to hang with our 8 for very long at all, but to "balance" out we have to lean in harder than we would like to. When the 3 shows up and we know we are doing what WE truly want, our motivation is unstoppable and we can execute with passion and excellence.

[@vianndowning2104]

This is my life in a nutshell. Lol. Thank you for a relief option! Practice is on my menu!!!

[@annathompson3034]

I have never felt so understood in my life. Thank you for making this video.

[@tyeshaswanson3461]

THANK YOU!!!!!! I've always thought I was a weak person, not knowing who I am or what I want, saying "yes"(sure, uh-huh) about everything and then being consumed with anxiety from the 6!!! I'm so relieved that I am not alone in this, there's not something wrong with me, I just need to grow an 8 backbone and say no!!! I'm so excited and scared but I'm ready to take charge and find my true YES!!!!

[@dct3810]

Wow! That’s why I find it easier to find what I want in life by process of elimination. This advise is golden and powerful - wake up my wing eight to deal with my 6.

[@cloewebster619]

As a 9w1, I find it hard to say no because for years I’ve always done exactly what everyone else wants to do. So now, whenever I say no to someone they act so shocked and even offended sometimes, because they’re so used to me being their go-to person. And that makes it hard because my anti-conflict tendency kicks in, and I back down and do what they want so that they aren’t upset. Inside, I feel upset, but I pretend I’m not. Then, I wonder how that other person can’t perceive that I’m unhappy. Does that make sense? I end up feeling so much anger build up, but it’s almost like I feel like I’m not allowed to show anger, because again, everyone is shocked whenever I show that side of myself. Ughhh growing is hard. I’m not giving up though. I have to let my 8 wing shine more. Haha

[@lukayaroslav9914]

You can use your 1 wing more in a more assertive way. You should tell them what you believe like an enneagram 1 would.

[@theoldaccountthatiusedtous6767]

Wow! This is great. I've been seeing a therapist for a few years and she's helping me through this without the enneagram... but it's so cool to see your description of it through the lens of the enneagram. The enneagram feels like hope to me because no matter how healthy I am I can see myself somewhere in it, and I can see the descriptions of a healthier version of me.

[@MARA610]

I feel so understood, it's lovely. You went straight to the core.

[@mbwcolts]

Coaching for 8w9 please! I'm an 8w9 and my wife is a 9w1 and she said you NAILED this, and hoping for this video again but for the 8w9 because I have a hard time reconciling the 8 and 9 which seem to be opposites. Thank you so much for all your videos!

[@cpucilowski]

Oh my!!! Oh my!!! I see now that I have “collected” so many boyfriends over the years that continued to pursue me because I could “see” wonderful things in them, but not enough to marry them! So they hung on to hope. I have been criticized for it and I get it now. I couldn’t hurt them! I can get this thinking OUT of my head now and see it as a THING I DO out of indecision!! Wow! So helpful!!

[@smithsters1]

You are so on point with this video! This video is so helpful to me who is a 9w1 who has listened to 1 and 6 all my life. My husband is an 8 who tells me exactly what you’ve spoken of here. I’m in the process of emotional healing and your coaching in this video is giving me direction to listen to more 8 and definitely engage 3 for the healthy balance I need. 8 always frightened me and 3 seemed impossible. but through your videos I’ve learned how awesome an 8 and 3 are. I need to listen to your 3 videos again. The dreamer part of me gave way to ambivalence for the majority of my life. My inner child resonates with this message. 😁😊🤗

[@edricoambrister]

Thank you Dr. Tom! This was exactly what I needed right now. So timely.

[@gregalexander8032]

DUDE!!! The idea of saying NO to awaken your YES is freaking bind blowing and makes perfect sense. I have a new motto - WW8D (What would 8 do!) It is very freeing but also kind of scary at times to put up the fence. Thank you for explaining it so well. This video is GOLD!

[@ACrase1]

I’m blown away by how you totally understand the 9! This is soooo me

[@kathystone839]

This so full to the brim with awareness and understanding followed by hope and power and awakening. Words can’t describe. Thank you.

[@MissDrea14_]

Thank you! I have never felt more seen and understood! I have now confirmed that I’m a 9w1. Everything you said is exactly what goes through my mind. The advice in this video is life changing and exactly what I needed to hear! I might have to listen to this video everyday 😊❤

[@twlahue]

Glad it was helpful!

[@brooklynnfelix]

I can’t even express how mindblown I felt by the accuracy of everything he was saying.... I knew where he was going with the houses immediately!!!! SO insanely accurate and helpful and mannnnn, do I feel SEEN too! I still can’t believe how spot on this is

[@cpucilowski]

The Enneagram wisdom is multi-faceted and brilliant!

[@TheVickersFam]

I know now why my new therapist has helped me so much! He doesn't know a lot about the enneagram but he does know he's an 8. Thank you so much for this video. It really put the pieces together for the process I've been going through but now I have language and intention to go along with it. And a dream is waking up in me... possibly to be an enneagram coach!

[@wendyfritz2652]

Thanks!

[@twlahue]

Wow, thank you....

[@LitIRL]

Hi Dr. Tom, just wanted to say thank you heaps for making this video. "INFJ 9w1" that just made a big transition back into University to study and become a Psychologist (after being in the Graphic Design industry for a few years). A lot of what you have said as really resonated and have had some kickback about going back into University, the statement about leaning on the 8 when 6 comes out feels nice to hear! Thank you for your help. :)

[@dianaellievin]

I’m brand new to all this “Enneagram” content. But I was drawn to this video, and it makes so much sense to me!! I’m understanding more now what it means to be a 9w1!

[@miarek100]

Thanks

[@twlahue]

Thank You So Much!

[@ginnyconrow4481]

This was amazing... I'm 69 and still learning to say "no". It's better, but your video stated things in such a relatable way. I'm a medical assistant who is still working (all thru covid), with a needy 90 y/o, healthy mom (who is a "one" to the core) and, thank God, an understanding husband, (altho is an anxious 6, with Aspergers ). I've done my inner work and I'm in a much healthier place than, say, 10 yrs ago, but I still need to be reminded of my natural tendencies that rear their heads before I become aware of what I'm doing!

[@Songbirdkelly23]

This video was SO insightful! I am a 9 who has been waking up these past two years! I finally saw the toxicity in my marriage and said enough and filed for divorce. I am now in the process of re-discovering myself (actually, more like discovering for the first time) and as hard as it is, it is a beautiful time in my life. I believe it is because I have finally found a way to tap into my 8 wing and stand up for myself. I praise God for the freedom I am discovering and pray that I can use my new-found boldness to bring peace and harmony to the world around me as you mentioned in your "Hundred Acre Wood" video

[@twlahue]

Thank you for sharing your journey! It's inspiring to hear how you're rediscovering yourself and finding strength in your situation. Keep shining your light!

[@ariannanozza7917]

Thank you so much for making this video, it has helped me immensly! I always try to do things "right" even if I'm not sure because I think "ok, it' s not a big sacrifice for me, but it means a lot to THEM" and I end up frustrated without really knowing why... now I know, and I know what to do to try and fix it for the future.. It's gonna be hard, but I'm sure worth it.. Thank you again so so much!!

[@patrickm.4754]

A real eye opener for a type 9 wing 1. Thank you so much.

[@LifeIsToGoodToBeTrue]

I have never had someone say someting so true about me. No one realy get how I cant chose sides or things very fast. Been to people to talk out but they dont see my problems at all. I can see how Im in a young age just didnt get why others fight and cant agree over stuff like you say here. I got tears how accurate you tell things like I see it, so thank you very much. Now I now Im not alone or wrong in this. Just one thing, I started saying NO in my teenage years but no one just said "ok" to that. Instead they got angry, frustrated, not gave me other things to chose from or tried to make me chose one thing. So that thing about your coloured blocks isnt all true... I see myself something between w1 and w8 when I prefer to be solo but cant be angry or hurt others in any way, I just walk away.

[@cpucilowski]

Aughhhh!!! For 18 months I haven’t been able to figure out how I can be a 4 AND a 9 AT THE SAME TIME! Family convinced me I was a 4 and I certainly identify with A LOT of 4ness, but this really helped pushed me over to the thing that has caused so much grief ... yet has made people love or hate me! Thank you Tom! I listen to and refer you to friends and family constantly!!!

[@karinjahn-walter5846]

You realy disclosed a powerful and helpful tool with this "council of numbers" explained here with the 9w1. It is the next step to health after discovering who you are than discovering this council around and to balance out this 4 voices! I think this will help many people including myself. Thanks.

[@kcatalan3]

As a 9 who hasn't quite sorted out their wings situation yet (6 and 3 are decisively my tri-types tho) I have to tell you this video spoke directly to my soul! THANK YOU so much for posting this even if I'm late to the party. LOVE the house, street, yard analogy. It all makes perfect sense now. **also I relate to every single comment on here. and as someone said, I may just have to watch this video daily as a pep talk.

[@missclover7781]

This was so very helpful! Saying no has always been difficult for me. The other issue I run into is my superpower apparently, which is both comforting and discouraging😅. I can reason myself in circles all day, especially when judging the character of myself and others. In the video when the 9 let the 8 in, then the 3 showed up... That is so encouraging to know! The way to 3 is 8. Thank you thank you for this video! Blessings!

[@twlahue]

Glad it helped!

[@camillebelcon8811]

I can't believe (and then I can) I'm finding these videos as I'm writing a piece on people pleasers. I took the enneagram months ago and didn't really think more about it but Dr. LaHue talking about the 9w1's and our kryptonite is hitting me in the gut.

[@shoopscript]

Trust me, this 9w1 will never be the same again. Thank you so so so much for sharing the knowledge! I anticipate a personal coaching session with Dr.Tom in the future. May God bless you and guide us all. Ameen

[@susanwardzinski3146]

This completely accurate, thank you so much your videos are such a blessing. I never put it together before, it is a Godsend

[@rohinirathour4749]

Dr LaHue, I have watched so many of your videos already and with each one I am beginning to understand myself better. In this video I finally have found myself. It's like you see me, you articulate so beautifully the little everyday dilemmas that result in porous or non-existent boundaries, how going with the flow sometimes turns into never getting a chance to follow your own flow. Thank you so very much for your wisdom, compassion and generosity in sharing with us insights that will make us more aware of who we are and what we can do to become better versions of ourselves.

[@jmay9268]

9w1 here! 👋🏻 I could not love this more. I recently dished out some heavy 8 and still feel bad about it, even though I know I was only putting my foot down. I feel like my current state is letting that 3 in, and trying to beat off the 6. For the past 4 months, the 6 has been winning however. Your impression of the 8 reminds me of my older brother that is a Marine. I feel empowered after listening to you. It all makes so much sense! Thank you. I just subscribed. :)

[@jenniferqueen3309]

Now my goal is proving to myself that saying no is less painful than living in the anxiety of 6. Thank you! Put the energy where I want it to be, rather than what takes my energy. Any thoughts on self rejection and autoimmune diseases? Seems like it could be a metaphysical correlation. The brain and belief systems are strong.

[@ambermac77]

Dude!! I’m 1/2 way through the video and almost in tears. You’ve just read my mail!! That is so me!

[@sassarific]

This is so good!!! Thank you for taking the time you do to flesh out us 9s like you do ☺️☺️☺️🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@chelseagreve9188]

This is a breath of fresh air for me. Thank you!

[@beckywall2049]

Love it! Thanks for tangible help!

[@justinwhite2725]

Thank you. I’ve been unsure about 9w1 since I’m INTP and INTP is predominantly 5w4. You’ve accurately described my biggest challenge, and this solution worth experimenting with - and is something I’ve started learning on my own a little without thinking about it in enneagram terms. 31:00 I was hoping you’d get to three. You talked so much about eight that I thought you wouldn’t get to three.

[@NoelleSanne]

Wow… My whole body resonated with what you said… Thank you for this authentic and real example. That was more helpful than you can imagine… 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@chuckcrider2450]

Finally, a video with tools for change! Thank you for the great information.

[@luanagarbinperes7247]

This video is so amazing!!! Thank you 🙏🏼

[@juliejohnson3057]

I am a 9 w 1. Over the years I’ve learned how to express my boundaries and love to say “No” if that’s what feels right in the moment. Others will respect you for it. I have also learned how to make decisions for myself. it hasn’t always been easy but Just to let others know, we can Definitely change this behavior and remember to be kind and patient with yourself as you practice figuring out your perspective and speaking up for yourself. It’s nice that we are flexible and also able to see others’ points of view.

[@mygreatescape]

Thank you SO much for this video. I felt an understanding to my core with this. The quiet anxiety and almost panic laying in bed at night wondering why I don't know what I want but I do know time is slipping away. I physically can't be around clocks with a ticking second hand and I think that may be why lol This video made me laugh and really helped point me in a direction to start building my fence!

[@twlahue]

You Got This!

[@nyasmith-assis5168]

I have never felt so seen in my life. One of your other videos helped me understand that I was not an Enneagram 5. This helped me understand I am indeed a 9 but not a wing 8 but a wing 1.

[@anamonica3463]

I'm not even finished listening to this first video from you yet, and yet, I'm so encouraged! Thank you!!

[@pierre-marccote496]

This resonates so much with me, putting a lot of light on the bitterness I am dealing with. Thank you!

[@aiyaiyaiyaiya3]

Hi there. Thanks a lot for speaking out for my soul. Recently I have problem on confusing if I'm really a 9w1. (Maybe due to I'm going through major life changing stage which make me reconsider myself if I'm 1,2,6? also I'm very out of touch for 8-ish through my life.) Listening to this make me cried out so hard as I've felt that I'm really being seen through. This is the answer I've been sought for past months. You helped me realized that I let those rigid 1 critic and skeptic 6 committee numb out my 8 hero all the time. Thanks for encouraging me to build my own fence. I would design my own house together with my 8 and 3 friends!

[@twlahue]

Hey there! I'm so happy you found my video helpful. Keep embracing your uniqueness and enjoy designing that awesome house with your friends!

[@chassidyjohnson6769]

I’m 15 and h totally understand this. Thank you so much!

[@Tousicle]

This explains me down to a nutshell, especially as a 9w8 (balanced 1) and have been in a very healthy aspect that I love listening to videos of how I can tap in and show up more into my health; while also setting my boundaries :"D ty

[@MinkaLovesPineapples]

Absolute fantastic video. Super helpful video thank you.

[@redcrowdemon]

(from Madeleine not Nigel) Dear Dr Tom. Wow you are describing me exactly! For the last 4 years I've been unable to decide what style to decorate my living room, as I like beach style and country cottage style - then I went to Paris last year and loved the opulence and decided I wanted gold and velvet and antiques. I haven't actually made a decision yet! My partner is also a 9 so you can imagine our procrastination levels are off the scale! For a long time I thought I was a 6 (because I get anxious) , or a 4 ( because I have identity problems and I write songs!) or maybe even a 5 (because I research a lot) or a 2 (I like helping people - sometimes!) but your youtubes have narrowed me down to a 1/9 or 9/1. I do exactly fit the sexual 9 in your description (with a close second the 1 or self pres 6). Anyways thank you so much, I've been watching you every night during lockdown. Your 7 energy is just great! Kind regards Madeleine Longhurst (this was my hubby's youtube account until he passed away 6 years ago and I haven't figured out how to change it - typical 9 I guess!

[@gonzalollanes1544]

Thank you Tom. Time for action and "NOs"!

[@lyndienilsen-root2581]

Thanks for this, and other E9 and E1 insights. After listening to several of your talks, I think I am 9w1 and in growth (I hope) connected more than ever with my 1w. Life events big and small, like: surviving an affair and divorce, reading the book Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, applying Marie Kondo principals to my collections, discovering the Enneagram, and a plethora of people, circumstances and factors (that happened to me) seem to have pushed me in to growth, slowly but steadily. Parenting 3 children (via adoption and stepfamily) creates unique challenges to my personality as well. Looking back helps me look forward, with quiet hope and confidence (on good days).

[@twlahue]

Boundaries is great.

[@brefishburn7478]

Thank you 🙏 this is exactly spot on. And an excellent metaphor for how I've experienced this whole Covid/political divide crisis we are in!!! Everyone keeps saying "if you stand for nothing you'll fall for anything." I have my perspective AND everyone else's! And I'm married to an 8 and I work for a 1. Maybe these are good for me...

[@kawaiixtc]

As a 9, discovering at least some of my preferences is helping me feel more like a human and less like a detached eye who just walks around seeing everything. Is this helpful for anyone else? Slowly I'm trying to discover what makes me feel happiest in the moment, and what made me happy as a child, when I wasn't burdened by obligations and resposibility to choose wisely. Doing inner child work has been super helpful for me. When someone pushes me to make a decision instead of helping me analyze what I already feel I stay away from that person, unless they have a good track record of genuinely being on my side and helping me make decisions that are good for my health. Someone who helps me decide how to take care of myself is someone I can cherish, it's often really hard for me to do that. In short, someone who allows me to exist in indecision is helpful.

[@tonybrooks476]

Just got typed this week. 9. Oh my. Slothtastic!

[@katymcdonald5481]

As a 9w1 I do know what I want and can make decisions but I don’t want to have my decisions challenged. If I tell people my opinions or preferences it opens the floor for them to dispute them so that’s why I don’t want to articulate them, it’s not because I have no preferences.

[@keynekitten7090]

Wow, that example of the two wings (1 & 8) as voices creating the 9's withdrawn position totally resonated with me. I do think I should start listening to that 8 voice a little more, thanks for explaining it better!

[@dianagrigorian9665]

Wow. Anyone else get angry listening to this? I’m lucky to have been surrounded by many 8s in my life who tell me to stand up for myself and what I want. Thank you Dr. LaHue for this content. It’s like a shortcut for understanding why I do what I do.

[@cloewebster619]

My big sister is an 8, and looking back over my life, I can’t imagine how pushed around and lost I would’ve been without her. I’m a 9w1

[@pablobernalmusic]

Amazing! Thanks a lot! This is great help, very motivating

[@kassiopeia1232]

I thank you so much for the analogy with the coloured houses. I've been struggling to find my type for months, 5w4, 4w5, always coming back to 4, because of my emotions. Then you once said that 5s think about how they feel, which again led me to look further. The 9 with their passivity, indolence, didn't resonate with me at all, so back to 4 again. The only thing that didn't really fit was the part that 4s are so creative. I can be, but it's not my superpower. Then you said that 9w1s can look like 4s. And this analogy of the fighting neighbours really struck me. That's me, seeing all sides, feeling uncomfortable, having to take sides, feeling misunderstood when I explain why the other person behaved so and so.. This was extremely helpful and I hope that I can now get on my growth path.

[@margaretjudice8944]

Great information! Thank you for sharing. I think this was one of your best videos on the enneagram.

[@zacharyjackson7584]

Great video! It mirrors much of what I have learned about myself on my journey flawlessly

[@annemariepappe6131]

Wow, this is a really great analogy! It's so interesting, I'm 99% sure I'm a 4w5 (self pres), but I still relate to this a lot (and to type 9 in general). I'm wondering why that is. I don't like conflict, so I usually say yes to things (although I CAN say no), don't take sides and try to see everybody's perspective. I don't have strong opinions and am easily convinced of things - because I can always see the point! (I like to say that there is more than one truth - it just depends on the way you look at things!) I get overwhelmed whenever I have to make choices, because I'm afraid to make the "wrong" choice and regret it later on. (I can't count the times that I've said "I don't know." or "I'm not sure.") Maybe it's due to my self preservation instinct..?

[@elizabethholeman7796]

Very, very helpful, I'm new to the enneagram stuff but having someone else not only be able to name the problems I've run into but helpful next steps to move forward is really helpful and hopeful. Thank you.

[@twlahue]

Glad it helped!