Enneagram Type 4 in Love or Romantic Relationships

Today on this Friday's #coffeewithatherapist, we are talking all about type 4's in love.
For my type 4's out there: you need a partner who is lighthearted enough to avoid the pitfalls of your depressive moods, since you don't always want to come out of them. You'll benefit by being with someone who doesn't "go there" with you and maintains their own emotional experiences. It's also best you have a partner who lets you do things in your own, creative way without criticism or shame. Highly intuitive, you're best suited with a partner who appreciates your intuition and your ability to read your own and other's emotions. Due to this sensitivity, it's important that your partner also be able to hold space for your emotional experiences and encourage you to process them in a healthy way.
Grateful for the incredible gifts and creativity of the 4's, when you flourish you are the innovators and gifted artists that we all envy. You are also in touch with emotions (having a high EQ) without being overwhelmed by them.
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[@tigerkitten8352]

As a 4, my best relationship is with a 4. He and I will be married soon. We are able to balance each other and as we learn more about our enneagram, we learn more about ourselves and do better and grow in our relationship.

[@marydunlop3561]

I love how you talk about this! I feel like as a 4 I see more of the negatives than the positives about my personality. But for real, how do you not idealize a romantic partner? I don't know how to do that lol

[@CuddleClaw.]

Seriously. I’m putting a ton of effort into trying not to idealize the guy I’m dating. And I’m not sure if I’m doing a good job at it or not.

[@Kuma_Kares]

As a 4, I love to watch romantic shows, read romantic books and such because they are all fantasy to me because it's something I'll never have. As a 4 this is the think I know I'm missing and will never have

[@akpost8780]

Reassuring and soothing to hear someone who seems to “get” 4ness.

[@ANDROMEDAtheartist]

Yes, I call it my "darkness and despair" moments, along with the angry outbursts and the withdrawing. Creative too! I love that you called out the most important points here. In a relationship with a Type 6 and I found your points on that type so spot on as well! So glad I discovered you.

[@Shayne_T]

I think it's so important that people read through all of them and take time to see what type they are. so many probably mistake themselves for one, when they are another. I am a true 4 wing 5, it's so spot on, but took me some time to realize it. Although, I did read it and was like that's me! But felt that way about 2, until I realized that I am only pick up 2 characteristics When I'm unwell .. the 4 with wing 5 is completely true to who I am.

[@rolifely8444]

What about a 4 struggling to commit to someone because they miss the new and exciting stage at the beginning of a relationship?

[@katebruce7457]

I agree thats a thing. I'm a 4. Also, the disappointment she talked about and the independence--I am SO independent--make it hard to connect for me as well.

[@rolifely8444]

Kate Bruce yeah same.. I’m 4w5 so my 5 makes me really independent too but yeah I know it in a lot of 4’s they can’t stay in long term relationships/like casual sex etc but I don’t know what makes them like that

[@marycarrella5705]

omg the accuracy

[@thegrowingtree1331]

I’m a 4w3 and I long a relationship so bad as I always have short-Term casual partners. It makes me feel like I’m lacking and that I’m not enough and too intense for them.

[@rolifely8444]

The growing Tree When you stop chasing love from other people and start finding it in your self, that’s when everyone will love you. If you don’t fill that void with love your self and need someone else to do that for you.. no one wants that task. They want to love you like you love you. Self work first 😊

[@aflowergrowswild]

I'm an 8 & my husband is a 4; I was really concerned that when the "newness" wore off, he'd be uninterested because he seemed to idealize me in the beginning. This is the first time I've felt like me being an 8 is helpful for 4's grounding. (Usually, I just see negative things about 8 in relationships.) Thanks for the insight.

[@katebruce7457]

So so good!! Thank you!! I am a 4 with 5 and 3 wings. :) I especially loved what you said about doing mundane practical things in a creative way. I have never been able to realize or vocalize my truth in that sense, and the light kind of came on for me there when I watched this. :)

[@14xx07]

INTENSITY!

[@belto3149]

Girl you're beautiful. On a side note, I feel like enneagram tests can be false very often due to the reason that people write what they think or want instead of what they are and what they do. I wish I was acting a certain way in certain situations but I don't so what's important is our actions not what we like. Now when we get into specifics, relationships are very difficult for me. I usually lose interest in a partner very quickly and well most of the time I'm not the one that initiate a conversation with a girl. There is also a fact that I can be strict when choosing a partner. I don't feel like I'm asking for much but ppl in general seems to be lacking a lot.

[@madisynfleming3336]

I don’t know how I made it before without the enneagram. Did I even understand myself at all?

[@DigiShaby]

Same :'D

[@AngelicaMop34]

Thank you for these - a subscribed 4!

[@jennyannhelms]

So glad we're connected!

[@corysmithvernon1702]

We created the feeling wheel. 🤭

[@JonasAnandaKristiansson]

You have the most powerful channel for "trauma" and all around it and the human condition that I have seen!

[@ParisBrockington]

Dating a 4 is brutal. They are so unstable & moody. Feels like walking on eggshells around them.

[@DigiShaby]

What type are you then?

[@VV-ik7sy]

Defs a stereotype. Depends on the health of the 4 :) (I’m a 1 btw)

[@ParisBrockington]

Turns out my 4 was also a narcissist… so! That was probably more the issue!!

[@renewhn3821]

Another 4 here 😊 Just found your channel! So excited to learn.

[@sydneehawkins3296]

As a 4w3 this is spot on

[@charlenemaeder8027]

I’m a 4! Loved this!

[@melaniebedoya289]

I needed this. Thank you so much! 🦄

[@amberautumn95]

This was really helpful&inspiring, thank you!

[@nikkismith1093]

Everyone in the comments seem to be at peace with being a 4 and Im over here like, having some existential crisis or something 🙃

[@denissececena6349]

hahahaha 4 right here, can relate!

[@CuddleClaw.]

This is a great video, thank you!

[@yasmintareq8161]

Can you please talk more about romance relationship between 2 male and 4 female

[@yourstrulylulu]

Thank you. 💜

[@invadertifxiii]

I feel like I'm a 4 but I don't ways feel creative, maybe when I was a kid but now I feel like I'm not

[@katiakatiakat]

Taking a little poll… As an Enneagram 4, What is your Moon sign in astrology?? Feel free to add your wing and subtype also! :) Thank you 🙏🏽

[@_moving_mountains]

Any tips or resources for a 4 that is in a relationship with a 4?!

[@FirstWifeStarterPack]

Hmm all I know is that I read they're pretty compatible. I'm not sure on the specifics though, as I'm a 5w4. Sorry this wasn't more helpful :/

[@godschild8953]

4 in love with a 4? Wow how is that? I’m a 4 btw

[@munchingmakenna5776]

My biggest dream! Lol! I believe the they are great together 😀 fours understand each other like no one else understands them. I think she was straight on when she said not to allow conflict to leave but instead process it together without running. Any update on how the relationship is? 😀 4w3

[@_moving_mountains]

Heather Makenna uhhhh, she broke up with me three weeks ago. 😆

[@munchingmakenna5776]

NATE ON A MISSION oh man. So sorry! Was it a healthy relationship? Can I ask?

[@serenitysoulforever]

Amen ☺️🙏💖

[@mikewren9986]

Tiresome, boring regurgitation of the writing and works of others. FRAUD . . . . . Go get a life and develop some integrity and honesty!!

[@amalksuresh2538]

You saying she should making things up!?

[@mikan0mochi]

you okay?