Enneagram: Am I Type 5?

Transformational Enneagram & Relationship Coaching
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Dr. Tom LaHue is a graduate of Florida Christian College. He holds 3 Master's Degrees including an MDiv from Liberty Univ. His Doctoral degree is from Grace College and Seminary. He is also a certified Marriage Coach. He and his wife Traci have been married since 1991. They are the proud parents of 5 children and 5 grandchildren.
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[@amyry91]

“Because we love you, we’re gonna to leave you alone” 😂 That’s the sweetest thing you can say to a 5 hahaha.

[@laurenhannon]

My husband asks me every year what I want for my birthday it’s “ take everyone out of the house and leave me alone for the afternoon.” Lol.

[@HumanBeing1974]

Exactly 😀

[@alialiraqi2664]

Thats damn true that I laughed too much😂😂😂

[@orcanerdc6204]

As a 5, I actually researched why small talk is so important to others and how anyone could ever be interested in it. I wish I could find the article, but someone actually explained it as a means to safely test the waters with new people/situations and build the skills required for deeper understanding(more interesting conversation) of others. It's also a way to make a stranger you may have info on and want something from feel safe before making a request. This helped me be better at small talk by understanding why this boring pastime exists and what use it actually serves since it can't be inherently Interesting.

[@giovanap.6708]

See that's why I like 5s. I don't have the patience to do all that research myself, but I don't mind at all if you dump some info on me about why people do small talk and other random interesting subjects.

[@emilyweaveroffical]

Omg lol. I’ve done this too! 😆

[@saloni.sharma]

i learnt it from Dale Carnagie's books. it's absurd but i see why it's important to people.

[@AngelaWoolsey]

I have no patience for small talk either. As much as I research things I want to know about, it never occurred to me to research that. So, thanks for the info!

[@thecuriousoutsider]

What if I told you most of the world doesn't do small talk for any reason other than they enjoy it and gain energy from it? We fives need interesting topics or ideas to energize a conversation but when we inject those things into conversations, people get seriously confused by it! Most people already find the conversation interesting simply for the fact that they are looking right into another person's face.

[@classicat87]

please note, 5s are not purely anti-social. They don't necessarily dislike people. In fact, all that information hoarding (for some 5s) is about being useful enough in their relationships. It's about knowing enough to participate in the conversation. The emotional distancing in decision-making is (for me at least) about making the most unbiased and objective decision possible, unswayed by my (very present, but unhelpful) personal and emotional views on the matter.

[@maudline]

YES!!!! 👏👏👏

[@Mystery-Spot]

My whole life I thought something was wrong with me, and I’ve tried so hard to be what I thought was socially expected from me. It just came across as socially awkwardness. This also explains why I can literally live in my bedroom checked out of the world for long periods of time. So nothing is wrong with me. I’m just a five. 🤷🏻‍♀️😏

[@Gray.Karen333]

Yup! Welcome to the club!

[@invadertifxiii]

Same. As a kid I was definitely a loner played by myself despite my mom trying to have kids over and I got made fun of by said other kids for preferring be play alone

[@vazzaroth]

Thats the liberating part of personality type study. It's not that you're "Wrong" or even "normal", it's that every type (in any system) NEEDS different advice. There is no such thing as universal advice. The advice that an ENFP (in mbti) needs to hear is basically the exact opposite of the advice that I as INTP (5w4) need to hear. And that dynamic plays out across every system and type. I wish society would embrace true differences between people rather than insist every single individual person is some special snowflake when both science and lived experience doesn't play out that assertion at all.

[@observer.b_e_l_l_i_s]

Use to think it now i know, or atleast in contrast to whatever the hell society deems normal which i think is batshit crazy.

[@saloni.sharma]

@@observer.b_e_l_l_i_s that's why people who study psychology know that "normal" is a subjective term. it's a spectrum of traits and it's never ideal. we're all normal, and none of us is.

[@susanchapman5499]

I'm thinking I am a 5, but I am able to fake small talk. I hate it, but i never want to make someone feel bad so I roll with it.

[@drsheev7413]

I'm a 5 and I sometimes do the same thing

[@saloni.sharma]

yeah me too. i learnt conversing as a survival skill rather than something i enjoy. i'm good at it but i hate it.

[@_linlin_]

probably your tritype softens you

[@tawanakombora_19]

The thing about not wanting a lot. That's a fear response to the idea that our needs won't be taken care of so we repress our desires so as to need less. This is so it feels like we don't have needs so there's nothing to take care of

[@Gray.Karen333]

1000% yes. Not only that our needs won't be taken care of, but that if we have needs that somehow taps into our fears of incompetency somehow (at least for me).

[@KevinM-dg7kx]

Never heard it said so succinctly. Thank you.

[@keithmustanggt]

I’m the 5w4 who has a passion for psychology and studying people lol

[@justinecurtis1753]

Keith Golden minez

[@twlahue]

That is awesome.

[@eyerusalemkammer39]

Me too

[@6tyNine123]

Omg I'm literally the same @Keith Golden

[@JuniperNickl]

Same!!!

[@femaletrouble]

The maxim "Knowledge is power" is something that has resonated with me since childhood. Also, "Forewarned is forearmed." A priceless mindset in a world that's basically a blazing trash fire. 🔥

[@angelocarantino4803]

Facts my friend. Glad to see other people just like me in this strange world of ours lol

[@leighnicolecj]

I’m a 5W4 and I find that while I am pursuing a career related to biology, my hobby is acquiring knowledge related to mythology, history etc. I’ve take many Latin classes, many mythology and philosophy classes just for enjoyment. It’s interesting how spot on that is for 5s.

[@ashleyching3166]

5's can be women too!

[@Sbannmarie]

yes ma'am!

[@Willgking]

Feel like they’re super rare tho

[@saloni.sharma]

@@Willgking i think it's flattering to know that we're rare cz i for one, don't like being in large cults or something

[@pedroantonio5565]

@@Willgking Don't stretch it

[@snow1999]

@@Willgking you're talking to one rn

[@wellergurl]

Hee heeeeeee.... That part about "ghosting" events (family reunions, work lunch/bday parties in the conference room, baby showers, etc)... THAT'S MEEEEE. I'm talking, not just leave the room... but out to the car and drive away... GONE! DONE! 😱 🤣🤣🤣 I've made my appearance... I'M OUT!!!!!

[@tashiz8]

The stereotype of the dungeons and dragons male hermetic minimalist who doesn't give a damn about his appearance is so unfair. There's a whole spectrum of 5's who are not data-obsessed, who are artistic and colorful, who enjoy new experiences, and are feminine. We're not all nerds!

[@saloni.sharma]

i'm a colorful artistic nerd and i agree with you. the whole reason i hate most personality tests is because i don't like stereotypes or being stereotyped.

[@jeanvalentin5998]

I’m a 5, and I’m an art teacher. I do cart about my appearances, but mostly when I’m being observed by others. I also care about my hygiene especially if it somehow relates to my health because you know… fear of DEATH. 😂 Everything else feels accurate.

[@bossllama2193]

This was not written by a 5 😂

[@tashiz8]

@@bossllama2193 the comment or the video?

[@shahzad1853]

same i'm a feminine 5 and i really enjoy new experiences, i think it's a really great way of learning about things. also i care about my appearance, i like to be clean and decent lol

[@Gray.Karen333]

5w6 tend to work with concrete information and 5w4 tend to deal with more abstract or helping profession type information. For example, I am 5w4 and I'm a mental health counselor. What drives me is not some need to want to fix people's lives or gain their approval (like a 2 probably would) but more because I find the human mind and behavior fascinating and I want to help others interact in healthier ways.

[@emilyweaveroffical]

Same! I want want people to help themselves. If I give then enough information then they don’t need me, and they can live healthier lives.

[@Tyler-sq4lt]

I'm a 5w6. I love researching. I practically live to watch KZbin videos on various subjects. I've enjoyed studying conspiracy theories for example. 15:28 I can relate to big time. I disengage from conversations I don't care about. My wife (who is a 1w2) thinks I'm being antisocial. I will say I'm not a complete loner that is often described when describing 5's. I enjoy socializing, but I'm picky about whom I socialize with.

[@ideecay2190]

I thnk the word you're looking for is asocial. Because antisocial and asocial can be very different things.

[@Tyler-sq4lt]

@@ideecay2190 thanks for the English lesson 😉

[@RandolphTheWhite1]

Your description sounds a lot like me, but I'm a self preservation nine. Apparently we can look similar though.

[@darthlaurel]

We need our own room. With a door. And a lock.

[@radicalbean0]

And wifi

[@rudydawgs]

And no one else at home.

[@divyabharti.]

And grocery/food

[@shyannepilch4002]

Hi! I’m a 5w4 and worked in the mental health field for 6 years. I was exactly as you described. I saw and heard terrible things, but my objective view allowed me to emotionally detach and be more productive in my work. While I still love the world of Psychology and mental health, I decided after 6 years to step away because I was tired of trying to convince people to just taken ownership of their own lives and emotions. Turns out Fives don’t like to be around content victim mentality lol. Now it’s more of a niche topic for me but not one where I like to involved the inner workings of others. However, with my close friends, analyzing problems, emotions and situations is by far my favorite thing to do! I just have to care enough about the person to engage. I am married to an 8 (who is wonderful) and he challenges me to tap into my 8 wing and put into play my talents and knowledge. I’m not as healthy as I would like to be, but I’m striving to get out of my head everyday and move into action. Thank you for this video! I found it very helpful and validating.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for the comment.

[@roxannef7659]

Shyanne, what do you do now? I'm a 5w4 and am interested in the world of psychology and mental health but have no desire to work in it on the micro (client-facing) level for this very reason. I'm currently in a social work program, focusing on the macro-level (org leadership, coaching and reserach).

[@walking_the_gyre]

Learning DBT as a therapeutic modality has freed me from that. A perfect fit modality for a 5 who wants to be a therapist as a long term career.

[@kaysesama]

Per my understanding, you don’t technically have an ‘8 wing’ as a 5. Your line of growth points to 8 and you tend to look more like the 8 with all the best of your 5 attributes when you’re in health. Your wings are either 4 or 6, or both to extents.

[@shyannepilch4002]

@YemimaHutapea Be as direct as possible. Don’t get hung up on the story or the details. Fives do not like emotional confrontations, so the more you can be objective and matter of fact, the better. Not to say your feelings don’t matter, they absolutely do!!! Fives just do better addressing emotions objectively since we observe ours from a distance. We’re aloof sometimes in how we come across to others and can seem cold, which isn’t our intention. So in short be direct, and get to the point. I hope this helps, and best of luck with your conversation 🖤

[@justkita7078]

Since you mentioned it, I am a 5 who made a drastic career shift from the hard sciences toward the social sciences. Learning how to type people is helping me be way more confident and competent at interacting and I have a comparatively vibrant social life now that’s made me a lot happier. I still need my solitude to recharge, but I seem to be shedding the notion that my battery will run out. Instead, I’m replacing that mindset with the belief that I can recharge infinitely and thus give more infinitely. And it’s a two part game; the sociology helps me connect, but the psychology approach with a bit of metaphysical thrown in has been crucial for me in learning how to self-regulate and recharge more quickly and efficiently.

[@adirtyswarlos]

I’m a 5w4 and one of my interests is people and relationships. I’ve learned a lot about how best to interact with people and how to understand and get to the core of people. People see me as sweet and friendly because I’ve work really hard at my people skills. It doesn’t come naturally but it’s a skill that everyone can learn and use. I’m very selective about my interactions so I don’t tire out but the people I do interact with see I can be caring and warm. My four wing has served me well.

[@christinareddon5298]

Yes! I am a 5 and a mental health counselor. I truly enjoy sitting with my clients and I do find it much easier than my colleagues to leave it all at work. I don’t often find myself haunted my trauma stories. Detachment is my resting state sadly 😂

[@heidi6698]

5w4 mental health counselor here... I've been reading, watching, and thinking a lot about 5s and emotionality lately. Have been consistently called an "empathy machine" by colleagues, which is sometimes difficult for me to wrap my mind around! But when I consider that in my work, emotions are information I gather and analyze as part of a larger "puzzle", it makes total sense that I would be very perceptive about feelings. In my clinical work I'm constantly reflecting and validating feelings to clarify that I'm understanding the full picture... That I have all the correct information. Humorously, I've found that I have infinite patience for and interest in feelings while in session with a client, but the second I'm not actively working with a client, that interest becomes significantly less!!

[@astrodelik1972]

I supose I'm not the only 5 that when in the minute 5:52 appeared the book, instantly wanted it in the hand.

[@CNMaye2023]

Astrodelik oh my God, yes! 😂😂😂

[@thissunchild]

It's fascinating how accurate the 5w4 information is. As one gets older, though, one becomes better at a lot of these things. At 56 now I'm a lot better at small talk, pleasantries, and being more physically attentive in relationships. I'm also better at showing my indignation in public whereas I would bottle it up when I was younger. I also have learned to share more about what's going on inside me. Sadly, I'm worse at allowing people to intrude into my space. When I was younger I'd silently put up with it. It's not easy to connect with people. For some reason, I feel a huge mental gully between us. - INTJ 5w4

[@biancagonzalez4327]

I’m a 5 but I lean into both a wing 6 and a wing 4 pretty evenly. I find it really funny that you mentioned type 5s and psychology. I was a psych major in college and I ended up becoming a funeral director for a short period of time. I can very easily see people at their worst moments after losing their loved ones and it has never taken an emotional toll on me… but it was very socially exhausting!!

[@judyjaques4243]

A question to all the 5's out there: Do you sometimes feel like you radiate awkward energy? For example, I act really confident but that can do downhill really quick. So for example, when I'm facing a social stress I don't want to face, I act all shy and weird. Especially when I'm trying to not let my emotions out and coordinate with me. So when I'm in a social situations I'm not familiar with, I start feeling panicked really quickly. I start having hot flushes and racing heart. This can be social anxiety too. But on a plus note, I'm really good at making small talk especially with strangers. I feel like I can make up a persona I like and I can easily talk to that person. However, I really don't feel like there's a me anymore. I want to blend in with social situations as easily I can, but also stand out at the same time. And if I know someone and I don't want to talk to them, things get really awkward fast! Ugh I wish we weren't so complicated 😥

[@missinterpretation4984]

I routinely speak to large groups for work, not a problem. But when someone who I had a very modest crush on came to speak to me I was so awkward he ended up asking if I was ok. So yeah.

[@roxannesumners5039]

As a 5 I’m not afraid of anything coming at me, in the moment, but something sneaky (intruding in on me) spiders, stalkers, immediately captures me. Lost enneagram in 70s then a week ago found I’m still a 5. I’m still me, after 50 years. Mind blowing, definitely. rediscovered. Love watching you. Thank you!

[@inlesinlet]

I'm either a 5w4 or a 4w5, and man, I can relate to your son! Had a period in my teens when I spent every single day after school just sitting in bed with tea, biscuits, and Harry Potter audiobooks, from beginning to end (that was available in the library). I wonder how many 5s are autistic, hahah! (I am.)

[@avant-garde8602]

I'm autistic too and I think I'm a 5

[@rcmm8625]

If autism is a spectrum , isn't everyone autistic?

[@michiokaku6863]

@@rcmm8625 nope, if you are really interested do a short research you will get an answer really soon after.

[@rcmm8625]

@@michiokaku6863 I have researched, studied and have experience with it personally. Again something that can not be defined and is said to be a spectrum everyone would fall somewhere on that spectrum. To say otherwise is illogical. It just as stupid as saying something causes it right after explaining we don't know what causes it

[@michiokaku6863]

@@rcmm8625 true in a way, the point i actually wanted to and should have made is that its not a linear spectrum its more of like a circle with infinite different scales that can range a big span of differences but the most important thing is, lets say everyone is on a spectrum but someone is so low on it in every sense that would make them look or feel autistic should we call them on the autism spectrum?

[@retrovintagedreams]

I'm a 5 and understanding human nature, psychology, and the mysteries of the universe are my main areas of interest. It's made me a great spiritual advisor and life coach. And yes it's off my shoulders the minute the conversation ends and I'm alone again. I'm also an INFJ though so I think that relates to my desire to use my knowledge to help people. I was shook though by you pointing out our ability to be invisible. In high school I was quite a peacock looks wise, I've always been strange and outside the norm. But I did that for myself not for attention, I always just wanted to be invisible or go undetected even though I knew I was a walking billboard basically. Turns out years later I described who I was to people I clearly knew I interacted with and to my amazement they never recall me, just the other people I was close to or friends with who were also loud in their self expression. It never seizes to amaze me how good I was and still am at going unseen or unnoticed. Yet I find most people are very surprised to find out I'm a very private introverted person. I tend to come across more like an outgoing life of the party person, especially with people I'm comfortable with. I have wondered if it's possible to be multiple types? My results were 98% type 5, 94% type 1, and 92% type 8. I relate most with 5 but also closely to 1, 8 and 7 behavior as well. I find it all super fascinating along with the big 5/mbti stuff. Anyway yes you definitely hit all the marks and summed me up a little too well lol. I've luckily caught on already to many of my annoying tendencies and also have branched out to a select number of people, who ironically enough are all, 2, 4, or 7 types lol. They make great friends. Definitely make leaving my private bubble fun. 💖

[@samgioco8541]

I am also 98% 5 and 96% 1.

[@Benjy86]

INFJ's typically are not 5s. You may want to take a test to better evaluate your placement in the enneagram

[@retrovintagedreams]

@@Benjy86 in my above comment I listed my test results I tested as a 5 - 98%, 1 - 94%, and 8 - 92%. I have taken countless different tests with pretty much the same results. So I did further research since then and believe myself to possibly be a 1w9. I still relate highly to all 3 types I test high in.

[@mrotinsulu1]

I'm also multiple types with 9w8 as dominance. And I'm INFJ.

[@Artinthefamily]

I literally got interrupted while you were talking about how we hate that. I need a red "on air" sign above my head or I'll bark at ya. My husband loves it !

[@generalrendar7290]

As a 5, I've led projects and I've managed a small flight school and it turned out really well. It pushed me out of my comfort zone, but I'm glad that I went through that experience. My coworkers and subordinates loved me, but I constantly butted heads with my immediate superior. I got along with the owner swimmingly, but my immediate supervisor got absolutely livid with me multiple times. I never did anything wrong, but I'm pretty extra certain that he was a 3 and I struggled not to be blunt with him. He often took my bluntness as disrespect; he'd throw out a lofty idea, criticize a part of the business operation or another department without expecting to be challenged. Then I would challenge the feasibility and logistics of the idea, explain on the spot why we hadn't offered a particular service and I'd defend the department in question to his face. I think he liked the idea of being a chief flight instructor, but he never put in the work behind the scenes to make it happen. Go give a speech at a high school, make a video advertisement starring him, fly with pretty girls, or rub shoulders with the influential families of the community? He was *THERE*. Ask him to teach normie students, do paperwork, follow the syllabus? You'd have better experience getting a toddler to eat their vegetables. All that said, my strength comes from running a small team and customers that I have significant 1 on 1 time with.

[@Mlmoney02]

Type 5 here. Also a pastor's wife at a large church. I like to say that I'm a 5w6 with the holy spirit who won't allow me to be a grumpy hermit. I am a 5 in every way but God has made a way for my "investigator" ways to be used for his glory. I will say that childhood and adolescence was hard and confusing and I'm happy to be an adult surrounded by a few people who accept and love me just the way I am.

[@Benjy86]

Type 5s are nihilistic. We don't believe in becoming a slave to false religions like christianity. You may want to reevaluate your placement in the enneagram.

[@CelticConfederate]

To answer your question at 13:37 I usually stand back and observe multiple people trying to figure something out or I take time to think before jumping into a task. Alone, I can figure something out entirely. Intervening with others I either solve the problem, contribute, or become ignored/dismissed as they continue to struggle. When they intervene with me, more often than not, it screws things up and I regret allowing them to intervene. I don't know how most people get by in the world.

[@sireneyes10]

I'm a closet 5. My husband is a closet 2. Us at dinnertime in our home is a perfect case study. 5: *waits until everyone is served, sneaks a plate and goes to the dining room* 2: *immediately noticed* I think I messed up the Mac n cheese, is it ok??? 5: *chewing and smiling* it's perfect, Love! *waits a couple minutes and moves to the living room* 2: *follows* how are the brussel sprouts?? Is there enough char?? 5: *chewing* yep...*gets up and takes plate to bedroom* 2: *comes in* 5: *glares* 2: do you like the chicken? Too dry? Not enough salt? 5: *stops eating* I guess I'm not as hungry as I thought...

[@twlahue]

Yikes... We are all learning compassion for each other. 😊

[@joemcmorrow467]

Interesting dynamic - married couple, male 2 female 5. I’m a male 5 and my wife is a 2. The traits of the 2 really play into the traditional socialization of females and the role of girlfriend, wife, and mother. so I’m interested to learn how the dynamic plays out with the roles reversed.

[@Rumplegirlskin]

Yep, I am a 5 and Whoa, this may be to spot on for me😂! The not wanting to stand out, but not wanting to fit in either makes me feel like you just threw me in a box😆. But, I appreciate that I am not so different after all. I do not know what my husband is for certain because he is like 50 different people. However, I always say, “I like to enjoy my food. I really don’t want to be bothered while I eat.” I definitely don’t know how people can walk around and eat, hold conversations while eating food they like, or keep getting up and down. I just stop eating and will not have the desire to get anything to eat for a while.

[@mtriplett5568]

5w4 science teacher here that approaches my job as applied psychology. Hence my interest in the Enneagram. It's another framework to understand my students. I see students that don't "get it" as an interpersonal puzzle to solve.

[@happystripedelephant3482]

I'm a 5, trying to understand myself more. This hit really close to home. Still trying to figure out which wing I am. Confident I'm a 5w4. I'm actually a Behavior therapist teaching social skills to kids with autism. The job can be really draining sometimes, but I adore the clients I've had for 2+ years.

[@themaggieMACfly]

Every one of your type 5 videos that I've watched is sooooo spot on

[@josiesmith1295]

This is one of the best 5 videos I've watched to date. You really get us. Thank you

[@joemcmorrow467]

Tom LaHue is a Christian pastor. I’m curious if he’s noticed a correlation between Enneagram type and religious faith. I’m a 5w4 and an atheist. “Spirituality” just makes no sense to me. I’m trying to meditate and get to the place beyond thought, but as a 5 I relate to everything through thinking so I have a lot of resistance that it’s even possible and not just hallucinated or made up wishful thinking. Has anyone noticed a correlation between Enneagram and religious belief or lack of belief?

[@belladonna2418]

I'm a 5 and an Atheist. Organized religion is absolutely ludicrous to me.

[@madisonk1914]

I’m a 5, and nothing is more important to me than my relationship with Jesus

[@sarahcelt7649]

This video was really helpful and funny to watch at the same time! You got us 5s right!

[@darthlaurel]

Was just pulled into a tricky crisis and helped the people solve it and feel safer and more comfortable. I felt good about that. I'm glad people can call on me and know I'll help instead of just get wrapped up in their anxiety.

[@enfieldjohn101]

Fives like me love computers. Working on them, building them, upgrading them, learning things by studying websites on them, and even interacting with other people through them (using them as that shield or window like you said). Social media sites like this, Facebook, Twitter, etc. are a wonderful invention for us. We can communicate only what we want to say and exactly how we want to say it. We can also escape from an interaction that we no longer feel comfortable with so easily on these sites. It's custom made for us.

[@Intuitioncalling]

As an INTJ Type 5W4. I don't do small talk and all the other stuff you've just talked about not because i don't understand the significance of these things but its just that i understand them well enough to deem them insignificant. It's kinda complicated but that's the way my whole life is i guess

[@arthurvanberkel7293]

Hi, Thank you for your informative video‘s. For the insight that you give on the enneagram types. I am a senior and I think that I‘m mostly a 5, but I think that people around me are experiencing me mostly as a 9. Because when people or situations need me, then I am on my 8, 9, 1 side. It are two different modes. In my 5 mode I need much alone-time for my thougths and refections. And the focus on research and studying the subjects that have my interest. It is my innerworld. And type 5 scored the highest when I did a enneagram test. (5 with apparently balanced wings, equally 5w4 as 5w6, and equaly 4w5 and 6w5). I need much time to be alone and concentrate. No background music, little distraction. Sometimes I am pacing up and down in my room while ordering my thoughts when there is a flood of thoughts after an impression. I prefer ratio, and I like earth science and biology. But I am not an accademic. The other mode is focussing and acting in the outside world. Attention for people around me and situations. On that enneam test, the shared second highest score was equally type 1 and 9. The opposite side of the 5. As much 1w9 as 9w1. In the past 15 years I was a caregiver for both of my parents, when they realy needed help in the final years of their lifes. And I was a moderator on a internet forum. Being a good observer helps me to understand what people around me, and situations need and I also try to understand the interactions. And I can act when needed. In the enneagram test I scored also on type 8. My parents aren‘t living anymore, and I quit that moderator job. So now I have plenty of time to be on my own. I have no problem with social situations, and I do show up on bithday parties of family members, but mostly I like to be on my own. But I am also aware that I’m becoming more and more that hermit now. ;)

[@anais4122]

I’m not sure if I’m 5w4 or 4w5, I relate to a lot of things from both but not everything. I’m also very indecisive in general so that doesn’t help. Also I struggle to care about people’s feelings but want people to understand mine

[@mjrose6606]

Rate you videos. Thanks! I'm a 5w4 (social, I think) and a psychotherapist (among other mix of things)... it makes sense to me. I think it works very well for the kind of job. And some of what you speak to is accurate, on particular levels.

[@TheShotsii]

Thought I was a 5 but i'm a 4w5. So helpful to hear more about that side of me. I feel the envy rising as u explain it lol. Love moving into my 5 wing but I'm learning to come out of the basement and press into my 3.

[@abbydelgado]

I learned how to be kind and how to kind of manage small talks, my vibe for small talk still kind of awkward but I still working on it is easy for me to imitate people in a social gathering so I always imitate my hubby type 2 who has taught me how to socialize a lot more

[@VinceP1974]

This is a great video. I'm a 5 and a very self-aware one. So I continuously try to challenge these tendencies I have, even though it's very challenging to do so.

[@loreen1340]

Hilariously I initially attended college intending to become a forensic toxicologist after reading a fascinating book about it. Eventually I ended up with a human services degree. Didn't want to work directly with people in a broken system and acquired a public policy degree. I realized I was a respectable digester of information and problem solver, hoping to help people from the top down. Seemed better than giving people the impression that I don't actually care just because I'm not very emotive by expression 🤷‍♀️ Interesting you mentioned both.

[@observer.b_e_l_l_i_s]

What I'd give to just be normal.

[@calebroskamp9937]

I LOVED your hermit analogy.

[@calebroskamp9937]

Also, 16:00. YES. Thank you for this honesty. I intrude... In my own unique and special way.

[@calebroskamp9937]

24:30. 5w4 interested in Psychology and people. You're describing me. I got a BA in Psychology, worked as an EMT for a bit, worked at a small town funeral home as an apprentice FD and embalmer for two years, worked in campus ministry for a bit, and I dream and feel called into military chaplaincy. Currently, I am an electrician though. Not the best. Also, Dr. LaHue, please don't feel the need to reply to my comments here. These are more for my own mental notes. Writing/typing them is one way to help me store them. Anywho, thank you.

[@daniellthornton4218]

My Dad is a very friendly 5. I know he likes his alone time but he’s also very funny and friendly and does well in church social situations. He can do the small talk before service and at church picnics he will sit with his friends and tell funny stories and things. He likes get togethers with small groups of friends also, I think

[@enfieldjohn101]

This is me for sure. I'm a 5 W 4. I'm more into the esoteric, philosophical bent of the type than the 5 W 6. I do, in fact, play RPGs like D&D. When I can, I do play characters that are a lot like the hermit that you describe. In most game systems, the closest thing to this is a cleric, so that's what I prefer to play. The jobs that I'm best at are ones in which I can be a consultant who learns all about the subject that customers come to the company for help with. Then listens to what the customer needs help with, observes for myself what is going on in their situation and uses that information to figure out how the company can help them solve their problem and/or achieve their goal based on what they told me and what I observed. I can certainly look at things objectively. I can review a movie, for example, even a childhood favorite, and then write a review that describes the main things that are great about the film as well as the main things that are wrong with it. I do need my privacy, space, moments of peace, etc. daily. Took my wife a while to figure this out about me, luckily before we got married, but decided that she still loved me anyway. :) She seems to understand me better than anyone else outside my immediate family ever has.

[@mememeome]

Chit chat feels like pulling teeth to me haha. Especially with someone I don’t know very well but am obligated to be friendly with (like more distant co-workers). The only difference is that although I hate it, being a woman and as a health care professional, I make my best effort to keep social niceties up. I’ve also often felt like a contradiction in the sense that although I’m very introverted and careful with my energy, I have deep empathy and work to help people, and working with patients doesn’t feel the same as being social with acquaintances. Also I have been conflicted on whether or not I’m a 5 or a 6. All of what you’ve said is true for me, but I do have those close friends and relationships where I lose all that fear and work hard to keep them in my life. But it’s almost like it’s all or nothing; either you’re my close friend and I let you all in, or you’ll never get close to me at all and I’ll keep that door locked.

[@marleyxen]

I'm a 5w6 (to my best knowledge) who likes to study mystical topics, as well as psychology and people watching. I definitely have 4 as an influence in some ways, but I know I'm too friendly to be 5w4

[@katiefly8366]

What you said about 5s being the distance-er in a relationship is sometimes VERY wrong. I am a 5 married to a 7 and I constantly have to be the pursuer, because that is what is needed of me to keep a healthy relationship in the particular situation. It is possible to be extremely involved and aware of the emotions of people around us while being distant and removed emotionally ourselves. Especially if what we choose to master is how to be in healthy relationships with other people. I also have no reservations about sharing deep personal info about myself because as I share it i am detached from it and don't really care if other people know. If the 5 is dedicated to learning about themselves and others emotionally and behaviorally and then teach themselves how to push themselves into health they do not seem to others as distant as you describe, even if they are in reality detached.

[@aniccadance13]

I'm a 5 and I'm not scared of dying, I'm really scared that I won't be able to learn anything again😟

[@thescapegoatmechanism8704]

I thought of Rust Cohle from True Detective when you were talking about detectives. He’s totally a 5.

[@drsalka]

Thanks; this is soothing 🖤

[@julianbailot1]

Hi Tom, your videos are helping me to understand more the personality that I was given in this life and developed through out the years. I thank you a lot for that. Could you please recommend me a reliable or precise test for the Enneagram?

[@krisoller6276]

I'm a 5w6, and I feel called out. 😁

[@Bioniking]

I don't awkward people out, but I have a bad habit of disengaging completely, and looking as disinterested as possible. No eye contact, superficial nods

[@affiel]

thank you for this informative video!! -infj type 5(who has yet to figure out their wing)

[@divergent_foxx]

Yes im an intp 5w4. And most of the parts about not being as peoplely. Yes I can agree on draining. But im very into philosophy, psychology and I think having a strong 4 wing helps balance me out in some of those areas. Being interested in more the social science, archeology, theology areas than the 5w6 may be more the hard sciences and possibly less ppl. So I would say some of the information would change depending on your wing. Or your growth to 8 as well.

[@tlhogid663]

Tapping into my 5 wing every so often is great reprieve from the busyness of being a 4w3! I spent the past year setting boundaries and "awkwarding" toxic people out. 😂 My alone time is priceless. I appreciate 5's.

[@fduniho]

One of the earliest things I wanted to be was a detective, but I eventually decided it would be too dangerous, because it could expose me to armed criminals.

[@alexgamicor7309]

"You do the same when you go to 7, you info dump people that don't care about your information"; Damn that hurt, but true

[@sarahkahle7041]

7:13 I immediatly thought of Brom from the Eragon books and then Tom starts speaking about dragons :)

[@EmTreasure88]

14:13 Ya got me, i laughed. Then i started laughing at the fact that you predicted i would laugh-

[@cappuchino_creations]

I'm a 6w7 in love with a 5. We once held a nice Discussion, until he diceded to lay down all his point of view and all his truths and he lowkey put me into an existencial crisis. Their insights can hit you hard xD

[@daniellthornton4218]

Oh man I have been trying to talk about the enneagram to my parents and my dad and mom were having a hard time understanding how my dad could be a 5 because of the greed/Avarice aspect. I tried to explain it but you explain it way better with the battery pack. So I sent this video to both parents, then I get to the part where you call out 5s and 2s in marriage, which my mom is a 2 and I’m like... hmmm this should be interesting 😅

[@FindingYourSerenity]

As a 5 I am much more content having intimacy with concepts, ideas and knowledge than I am with other people.

[@dilemma_unheard-of_dilemma1917]

I def think 5 is part of my tritype. I’ve self typed as an SP 9, but I think I relate to 5 a lot.

[@Faeriefungus]

Small talk is connecting with others even though its uncomfortable considering you don’t know them yet. It’s called opening a door to get to know others. 4w5

[@Kim-nq2hv]

So good! Thank you!

[@themiddleones11]

I always thought I was a 6 but this sounds more right

[@delanymom87]

You rang? I'm a type 5 who has studied personality and psychology since 2009 with so much vigilance that my legal degree and 4 years in nursing school are pale in comparison. It started when I divorced an ESFJ with whom I had 4 kids with in order to understand why we're so different from eachother. Now, I just use my skills to mentor others, my friends might as well be considered patients. I experiment all the time using the knowledge about people in a practical sense. My objectivity has allowed me to achieve this.

[@jazziegurlt22]

I am a 5 wing 4 and agree with most of what you shared, but twice now you've mentioned we are dark or study occult. I've heard other interpretations that 4 wing makes us creative and in touch with our emotions and give us the ability to create analytical knowledge that's not as data driven, which resonates more. I think it depends on your spiritual evolution and I wish you would speak about us on a spectrum. Thank you.

[@ericjang1412]

I agree! Because 5w4's are creative and exist on a spectrum, most of those who are known for being into the 'dark' happen to be 5w4s, but that doesnt mean that the reverse is also true (that all 5w4's are into dark or occult things!). i.e. all apples are fruits, but not all fruits are apples!

[@MikaelaCarrizo]

I’m just learning about this. I think as a 5 I also feel like I don’t share information because I think sometimes I don’t know enough about that topic, so I don’t want to say something that is out of place or that is wrong. I usually say “this is my opinion or my experience or from what I know” when I talk about a topic. There’s so much to know still about 1 topic, how can I talk about it like I’m an expert? Yes, I can go into rabbit holes of information, I learn about something and go on for days and hours learning about a certain thing. Currently it’s about enneagrams haha

[@ogeo.8966]

I have a personal example of a 5 moving into 8 and 'saving the day' lol - a story from secondary school. A classmate got something stuck in her bottle and everyone was rallying around her and wondering how to get it out. I was more socially anxious but I made myself say what was in my mind 'you can try using hot water to expand the top'. I'd learned about it from reading my Physics textbook. They all paused and tried it then told me it worked and thanked me. I was in between 1 and 5 but this tells me I'm probably a 5 after watching both videos.

[@belladonna2418]

5s are like Sherlock Holmes. Hate when people (especially 7s and 2s) constantly harp that we need to be more engaged with people. We are engaged, just not with silly frivolous people.

[@fulanideedee8709]

Wow, without even trying to link them up. 5w6 & INTJ-A If nothing I'm consistent. Just found out about this 30 minutes and I shalt be watching KZbin videos about this for the next 3 , 4, 8 hours

[@MsAllison]

I'm exactly the same. 5w6 INTJ-A. Working in mental health, I'm a great diagnostician. Been a therapist for a number of years, but leaving my position, seeking something more research/academia.

[@Cymatic-Mage]

5w4 INTJ-t

[@francescobersan4323]

The - a doesn't exist, read cognitive functions

[@number3boo]

1:59 I vibe with. Especially with strangers when they suck energy out of me

[@mostlyvoid.partiallystars]

You know the most five thing I keep doing is re-evaluating and re-researching whether I’m a five lol

[@calebroskamp9937]

I think we are a little stingy with our information stored because it costs us to give it away. Taking in the information and processing it is refreshing and can be life-giving, but the giving of said processed material saps that battery pack. This is especially true with people I have not chosen to, or have chosen to not, invest myself in.

[@Fluff2233]

Caleb Roskamp Exactly! Perfectly said

[@EC-it2fx]

I think Im a type 5. I realized how much I hate being on the receiving end of a question loop. It seems like the way my parents ask me questions is designed to find something to judge me. I became aware of many things I don’t want to think about because of how insignificant those things are to me. The problem is that as ‘I try to analyze why I am not doing the first thing that came to that other persons mind’, I’m judge myself about ‘why I’m not doing the first thing that came to another person’s mind’. And if I don’t I am questioned like if I’m missing something. This was a problem when I was codependent on my parents. Its tough to describe it like this to someone when I was inside the matrix but now that I’m aware of this I wish it was easier for me find this description. I want to be fine expressing my first answer but everyone is a judging machine. My biggest fear is saying something insignificant today and being held to that idea in a way that holds me back from my goals. I feel like I learned at a young age how to spot demons. Demons are malicious acts appearing in the world of infinite possibilities. I fear demons.

[@Mystery-Spot]

I really didn’t want to believe I was a five until I listened to this. Now I’m smacked in the face with it.

[@kd4465]

For me small talk is difficult only because i don’t know what to say in those situations, I really want to get better at it though

[@forgottenclown9115]

That situation, when you just read an interesting paragraph and are wallking down the street, thinking about it, and then you bump into someone you know. "Hi, how are you. What are you up to?" So, what do you tell them? That you where just thinking about correlation between authonomy and authecity in analogy to introverted judging functions? I mean, you could but you're afraid it might kill them. So you just say: "Nothing. You know. Life." and the akward silence begins.

[@chadwickly07]

As a 5, a question I hate the most is "how was your day", but one of the things I like to do most is people watch. (Las Vegas is a gold mine).

[@Profacy15]

As a 5 I always get the vibe that people want me to ask them how their day is going after they have just asked me (like work meetings or something). I very rarely ask them back and give them that satisfaction of being able to respond; not out of spite, but because to me, it's a stupid and obvious question and way too surface level for me to even care. Clearly my day is going good enough for me to be in whatever situation we are in that we are able to speak freely with each other. That means it's probably the same for you too. No need to waste my energy on asking you besides to get social points with you that I really don't care about either.

[@twlahue]

But, these little conversations grease the wheels of relationships...

[@markboron5581]

As a 5, I really wish I had been more aware of my inherent skills/strengths when I was younger. I could see myself being a criminal pathologist or medical examiner and loving it. Next life I guess :p

[@Dougytea]

I am drawn to the mystery and dark and morbid, my wife doesn’t like that about me 😔 but holy snaps I am like that during a crisis

[@butanetorch5386]

Wee, it’s learning time bois

[@SalomeForShalom]

A 5 here low key loving quarantine and High key loving working from home. Hallelujah

[@938quilt]

to be ignored I"ve even tried reading my Bible and praying - no luck!

[@hannahrussell8193]

Hi Tom, thank you for the video. I think you may find this interesting, based on your comment about meeting a 5 who studied psychology: I am a 5w4 who studied communication. I work in a ministry for a customer-service based job and I love it. I think that I am able to do this based on the set boundaries of my communication. I can solve problems and am mentally stimulated all day, however, I am not giving any of myself away in that. What is needed of me is clear so I can view it as an informational exchange. I have also found that I must have my alone time to process in order to live out of a healthy place. I genuinely love people, however, and I have heard hat from multiple 5's. I dislike that the stereotype is that all of us appear as cold, as I feel many fives aren't that way at all.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for the comment.

[@nope6601]

i always thought i was a 4.. idk why, but after watching all enneagram videos, 5 ist the one i am mostly relating to

[@More-than-Matter]

Here I am, a 5 whose research fixation is people, psychology and social skills :)

[@More-than-Matter]

I am not surprised 5’s like myself are prone to landing on personality typing systems (as noted from the other comments)

[@margaretjudice8944]

My son is a 5. Good information.

[@kimberlybrownfield6418]

I'm a type 5 looking for information: are you genuinely resentful of people who cut corners? Wondering if this is a 5 thing or a me thing.