ENTJ Relationship Problems 1 -- Fear of Influence (INTP)

[@Skimmerlit]

My novelette is available. Picking it up and leaving a positive review would be a tremendous help to me. Thank you. Novelette: www.amazon.com/dp/B09XL1VWJW/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2O9IAGTS3FCV2&keywords=skimmerlit+book&qid=1649553882&sprefix=skimmerlit+book%2Caps%2C132&sr=8-1

[@AnnaMidnightStar]

As an ENTJ woman who is now happily married (to an INTJ though, not an INTP), I can say that we probably all do this pulling away thing to a certain extent near the beginning of any relationship. While I can't speak for all ENTJ women, I can tell you why I do this. Usually when we begin to have feelings for someone, they can overwhelm us and make us feel out of control, which (like you said) makes us worry about how these feelings will interfere with our long term plans. This makes it difficult to concentrate on our current tasks and makes us want to push the person away to be able to "focus" again. This is especially compounded when we notice negative qualities in the other person that we think might interfere with the ideal life we want for ourselves. Usually after the pushing away part, we will try to give the person several more chances to possibly fix whatever issues we noticed (which if we're healthy we will often communicate about to the romantic partner) and we'll see if we begin to feel more comfortable with letting this person become factored into our long term plans. I can tell you that it's probably a nightmare for the other person to deal with us in those early stages, which could last as long as a year or even a few, but if the person makes it across to the other side then we're loyal partners for life. I didn't feel fully settled with the choice of being with my husband as a life partner until around the third year of our relationship, and I was definitely putting him through a lot of pushing and pulling in the first year or so. I feel quite bad about this, but I'm glad we've gotten past it and are now very happy together

[@ticketinspector9869]

Yesterday, an Entj male who I dated for 3 months pulled himself away out of the blue. He had a long talk with me over why he thought building a family was too much to handle. Then I think I made myself very understandable that I liked him, I wanted a long term relationship with him, and I can be very responsible of my own decision and never regret. I asked what relationship would he consider us to be. He said we should just be friends because he can't have extra burdens on his shoulders in order to achieve his life goals. I was kind of disappointed with his answer and shed a few tears. I refused to admit that I was sad and I said, "It is fine. I understand. You can determine what you want for your life. And now I know I am just having too much wishful thinking on my part." Then I calmed myself fast and even started to make jokes. He seemed to be a bit surprised that I was not going to blame him. After that, he gave me a goodbye hug. I almost bursted into tears so I left quickly. I texted him that I would be fine on my own and I would not trouble him anymore in the future. Lastly, we wished each other all the best. It is hard to let go but I will try my best to move on and focus on myself. This video really provides nothing to count on for😂😂😂 (but it does help me to stop self-blaming. Thank you, Skimmerlit) I think both Entjs and Intps are very stupid when it comes to emotions. We are trying too hard to hide them and making ourselves almost impossible to read. But we just can't help it. Sarcastic, isn't it? INTP

[@goodnoodle4524]

Wishing you well dear fellow Intp female. ~another intp female

[@hoaly57]

you should learn to accept your emotions and accept that it has value. Also learn to express it a healthy way verbally. It's good for that entj to know how you really feel about the situation. It will help him to in reconsidering his decision, instead of saying that you're fine when you're so not fine . And maybe at the end you will get what you want. But in general, if an intp learn how to express their emotion and needs, a lot of struggles they have will be solved by others

[@cindybobamallow7961]

Did he come back?

[@ticketinspector9869]

@@cindybobamallow7961 nope

[@kssgpv]

As an infp I would cry and call him a coward😂 I just want to live my love, I'm not gonna be rational about it

[@lravenhill]

Intp here… best friends for 20 years with entj and now dating for 2. I think I skirted the whole system. I came pre vetted with a million examples of good character. She had a behind the curtain look at my entire life for 20 years. Anomolous for sure. But organic as hell and is beyond amazing….. she told me her younger self pushes people to see if they come back. It’s a childish loyalty test. Immature entj.

[@creeperkingdom3190]

idk man that sounds like she just took the nice guy for security after she hit the wall.

[@kssgpv]

​@@creeperkingdom3190only creepy men hit the wall, women always are valuable and have a lot to give❤

[@sushiroll47]

this video is like a free therapy session thank you :)

[@bethmottweiler3515]

If an ENTJ pushes you away, it's probably best to accept it and create some distance (I'd say in general, but people are a mystery to me overall). If they care enough, they will get over themselves and do their best to make it right. Giving them the time to decide for themselves is beneficial though. If they don't care enough to repair things, you have still made the right choice. My own feeling of what you're talking about here is that, at least personally, it's ultimately a behavior driven by fear. For me, it's mostly fear of actually being accepted for who I am, and what I hope to become. Presumably, there are other fears, but I'd bet this holds true for many. When partners become too critical, or say something that inadvertently casts doubts in how much they will like a future version of me, I often distance myself. When people push their way past this, it's always ended in disaster. If they give me some space, it gives me a chance to, well, reflect internally... to hurt a little and process my confusing emotions, and then to redress my behavior if needed.

[@billyhilly313]

The point of realization about how much intp and infp are similar. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Interesting

[@aemonk8207]

ok wow. I mean, accurate. Every single time I've ever developed feelings, I've done this (I'm an ENTJ female). I think it's more about getting feelings, knowing you would sacrifice your plan for them, and the fear that they wouldn't do the same for you (in terms of commitment and devotion, maybe the relationship isn't clear yet or established long term) so then my natural reaction is to suddenly completely drop them from my life and LEAVE. because I can't stand the helplessness and I'm convinced they'll take advantage of it. Then, they give me my space and seem to respectfully accept my decision, and then I suddenly realize that they would not pressure me or use me in any way, and therefore I am safe and in some control over my life still, rather than being rendered completely helpless and vulnerable due to love for somebody who would take advantage of it and push for it, but rather someone who cares and respects you enough to let you go if that's what you want. The attraction for them surges within me because of that feeling of safety and freedom, and I come running back. Lol. It's always feelings -> reject them -> be impressed that they allowed me my space -> come back to them and choose them intentionally and with full conscious control this time rather than being helplessly motivated by feelings. Like, I need to know the decisions I make are in some control of mine, rather than being rendered helpless by feelings and having no control over my fate due to my own feelings of love. It's like a fear of not being able to make your own decisions consciously because of your emotions, so you drop kick the emotions to the curb when they get that powerful because they are dangerous. Then when the person walks away and you are now removed from them, you are able to think more calmly and objectively, and make decisions that you are logically in control over rather than emotionally motivated decisions, and then I consciously make a concerted choice to have them rather than just falling into it. I need to be removed from my feelings first before allowing myself to get into a relationship. Or I won't have any sense of where I'm going, or any control in my life at all.

[@Skimmerlit]

I know there isn't because there never is, but, to make sure, nothing about your choices sets off alarm bells regarding possible outcomes? Nothing about your reasoning suggests to you your actions and objectives/self-image are misaligned?

[@aemonk8207]

It's more like an instinctual reaction made of desperation and pure panic. More like terror of sorts, of feeling unsafe because you're out of control of yourself and therefore your life (and considering our entire functioning model is formulated on reasoning, it's like losing all stability in self and all foundation in your worldview). There is some sense that it is not normal, but the feeling of being unsafe is much higher and increasingly heightened when the person chases you despite your sudden discomfort at the idea of a relationship and vulnerability like this (as you never planned to get to this place, it happened accidentally or unintentionally, or perhaps you still just aren't prepared for the onslaught of the panic when you do get to the stage where your feelings become strong). Because of this strongly disturbing feeling, it feels more intuitive to escape the person rather than push through for something you're not sure you want all of a sudden. It wouldn't make sense to go after a relationship that suddenly makes your stomach turn just because you can tell that something in your reaction is sudden and unreasonable. Then when they give you space and allow you to leave them, that feeling of calmness returns as well as some distance from your emotional panic, and you are both able to feel safe in being respected and not forced or manipulated into giving up your autonomy and freedom, while also having that moment of relief and freedom that helps you see that they are still worth it to you and that you are still in control of yourself, and therefore you can make a conscious decision to choose them officially rather than an unconscious slide into an entire life with them. Because we are committers for life. So choosing someone is huge because we don't usually mean for it to be temporary or anything less than long term. The panic in realizing that change in internal plan is natural. The thing is that you can't exit the panic without first completely removing yourself from the person to see yourself with more clarity and make a more level and conscious decision for yourself. And if you feel the slightest bit pressured by them or forced to continue, then it feels like you have indeed been hoodwinked by emotions or trapped by them or manipulated somehow without realizing it. I suppose we're simply that far removed from our emotions. As an adult I've worked on my emotions and am less immature in my reactions. More rather, my reaction internally is the same, but I try to repress it and not show it, and remain calm and wait for it to pass because I have started to see the pattern in myself and understand that it is my own emotional process and not their doing. Then, even while it feels unnatural, I will remain in place and simply remind myself that it is my own fear in some way, and I'll be able to get to the other side without mistreating the other person. I will be honest with you tho. It has never worked out for me this way. Because if you can resist the emotional reaction, it is probably because you don't feel as strongly for that person. It is only when you feel that strongly for the other person that your emotions scare you that bad and you dip immediately and forcefully. And therefore it is only with them that it ever could work out, because you truly feel something that real for them that you can't control yourself or your fears around them. If they come back or allow you to come back, it works out.

[@aemonk8207]

To clarify it only works out with those relationships where you react that way, I think, because only those ones are the relationships where you have strong feelings. You react that way when you feel like you're losing control (falling in love) and your emotions scare you that bad. Because you realize that you would do anything for them and sacrifice your life for them, and you don't even know if they have that same feeling of loyalty, protection, and commitment back, and therefore you're losing all control for someone you don't even know you can count on. Our sense of love is highly dependent on loyalty and commitment and acts of service types of effort, so to be in love with someone that you can't necessarily count on back, and to realize that your life will change because of them and that you'd sacrifice this much for them in such a hugely vulnerable way-- and you don't even know if they would agree to having you or want the same thing back or give you that same level of sacrifice and commitment-- is just about the worst situation to be in. Love is going to destroy us if you can't count on them to do the same for you. The best thing to do, if you can't ask or if you're unclear of the intensity and commitment of their own feelings for you (I think here ENTJs have this impression that any uncertainty is the same as a no, we think in black and white when it comes to love), is to simply walk away before it's too late to stop your heart, or if it's already too late, then to cut yourself away using mind and logic and deny yourself permission to feel. Obviously this is bad, but rationally it seems better than getting stuck in an unequal relationship regarding love and sacrifice. Why change your entire life plan and loyalty for someone who would not do the same for you? It makes no sense to make that sudden shift for them-- so it's easier to revert back into your old schematic of life from before you met them, and back when you and your whole worldview was stable. If they feel the same for you back, and you have that conversation and find out, then that stability is returned as well as the feeling of being safe in that relationship since there is full reciprocation in the commitment. So it is worth it to be in the relationship and allow yourself to have them in your life as someone you'd sacrifice anything for. It's lifelong loyalty. Therefore the commitment becomes marriage or a proposal. That may be why you're seeing them immediately get married after seemingly rejecting the guy.

[@Skimmerlit]

Your perspective is helpful. What age range do you fall under now, and when did you first begin realizing these things?

[@aemonk8207]

@@Skimmerlit 24, and the pattern was always there but I really began noticing that it was a me problem only halfway through college, like when I was 20 or 21. Mainly due to therapy.

[@heffthehecked]

12:19 IME dealing with low Fi is self-deprecation towards emotions. It’s like saying to myself, “I’m stupid and pathetic because this thing is my limit and is getting in my way of my goals.” Even tho the feeling is completely normal because I am feeling it. I notice this obsession and need for competence without any emotional hurdles holding me back from those goals. I’ve fallen to the trap of pushing people away just to realize I feel lacking as a human being for them, just incredibly guilty and worried sick that my friends may think I don’t need them. Emotional needs are just as important as being successful,“xyz is a genuine struggle I have and is valid, so I should prioritize it just as equally and understand the way that I am is natural,” is a mindset I’m adopting. It sounds like a funny problem to have, but when you trap your feelings for so long you are stripped of identity and you are an empty vessel for success, it hurts so bad to see others dreams move in their eyes every time they speak, while I’m seeking competence only I expect from me. I hope this makes sense, I’m really tired.

[@irenecheca6575]

As ENTJ, I have had 3 INTJs backing out as soon as I wanted to know their level of commitment explicitly. There are very few, maybe only 2 people, for which I would have changed plan/course of action (including moving to another country!). But it was definitaly not me getting cold feet.

[@yessiii6181]

I am an ENTJ Type 8w7 female dating an INTP with same enneagram type male. I am currently in the pull away stage and this is insanely true. I hope he can “right it up” and I’ll be ready for the long haul. If he can’t, he should leave-completely.

[@ticketinspector9869]

@Yessiii Do you mind if I ask what happened afterwards?

[@Whyareyoustalkingme123]

I think I just have such a strong passionate vision , to be a mother to the world and I don’t want anyone to mess that up. I don’t know what exactly you said that prompted that thought but there you go .

[@ACupThatisGreen]

I am an 18 year old ENTJ 1w2 woman and I have been dating an ENTP 8W7 man for a little more than a year now. I know it is not the same as an ENTJ and INTP pairing. But due to the similarities in cognitive functions between INTP and ENTP I believe that I may have something worth a while to say. Personally, I have faced all of the struggles mentioned in the video, but I managed to react in a different way than described. The beginning patterns were the same. I courted him (after we've been friends for 4 years), he said yes. We started dating. In the beginning I tried to keep him around, but not get attached too much because I was terribly afraid of the forming connection. After failing and forming a strong attachment I wanted to leave. What helped me to cope with the irrational thoughts of leaving him out of fear of losing control, was analyzing them properly. Sitting down, calming down, taking a few breaths and looking for cause and effect in everything. Not acting at all, until I understood the hows and the whys. Because when I understood those I could proceed with what I was sure to be the most beneficial outcome. If I was not sure, still, I would take it up with my psychiatrist and try to get her input (fellow ENTJs, get help. You cannot be better without getting better). The point is, I do my best not to do anything rash, as I will regret it and it will waste both mine and my boyfriend's time. - Also, I wanted to raise a point as to why ENTJ women become more chill. I believe it is because we decide to share the control with our chosen significant other. Personally, I found it relatively easy to share some control with my boyfriend after knowing that he is equally as capable as me, as well as that he is here with the intention of taking this seriously and staying. And when I did, I felt as if a huge burden was lifted of my shoulders (of course I was also immensely scared ect. ect., feelings and stuff). The point is, I believe that ENTJ women who become chill after the point mentioned in the video, became so due to sharing the control with their significant other. I have nothing to base this on except personal experience and observation though, so do not take me too seriously. This comment has been running on for way too long, but I just had to give my own 2 cents on the topic.

[@ACupThatisGreen]

Also, a word of advice (I repeat, I am young and may not be correct). As an ENTJ woman get a partner you respect, as them advising you won't feel like such an intrusion. Get a partner who respects you, but is not intimidated (pretty obvious reasons). Maybe discuss your relationship PRIOR to it getting serious. That's what I did in order to make sure, that my boyfriend understands my priorities and so I can understand his. Also, negotiate and discuss often. See what you feel fine compromising by measuring how worth is the partner you chose. And then discuss with them again. The main point is discourse. Always have discourse and have it often. Even if it's difficult because I found that that way I achieved the biggest benefits out of my relationship.

[@WriteTheTruth]

I'm a INTP female married to a ENTJ man. This true, but it seems more extreme for a ENTJ female. Woman are more likely to adject to a man goal than a man would for a woman. So it probably easier in my case to deal with their fears. But a ENTJ woman fear of not being able to have her cake and eat it to is more challenging since man are less likely to be agreeable and flexible. Not saying they can't. But what a ENTJ may need from you could get in the way of what you want for yourself. Very important things. Really both people need to be flexible to each other, and not be so stuck on this one thing so much. It's not realistic.

[@kssgpv]

Equal compromise, something that ENTJ and most men are not willing to do

[@jonahh3730]

Your videos are my favorite. ENTJ

[@choppers3474]

I'm a male Enfj with an Entj girlfriend (2 year relationship), and funnily enough this "breaking point" really hasn't happened and doesn't show signs of happening. However there are some other issues that have come up due to our type differences, and I occasionally feel exhausted as my Fe is not particularly satiated, but my Ti is overworked, after spending lots of time with her. Despite this, if I can become the best version of myself, I believe I'll feel like I am truly equal to her in work ethic, responsbility, fitness and self-awareness, etc, cause lord knows she has all of that under control. And I kind of feel like I'd need to do that anyway, to live my best life, and I believe contentment must come from within when all of those things are mastered. It's both of our first relationships and people say those never work out but.. we'll see.

[@ioiiiomio]

ENTJ. I am currently in a relationship with an Enfp, who is absolutely reliant on his emotions, asking me for love. I do understand his needs, taking in account of hthe fact that we meet rarely, mainly conversating through messengers(our study schedules don't match). However, after the long conversation about our future plans for this relationship, I realized how afraid I am to take the responsibilities of such. I didn't included relationships in my plans after all. And now I am in a weird state, expecting a huge deviation, mainly scared. I really love this person, but I can't let his presence to change my plans. In love I feel the weakness. I feel the dependency on other person.I feel really confused.

[@Skimmerlit]

If you don’t figure out exactly what you want, you’ll commit to one then kneejerk jump to the other and ruin both.

[@malchicken]

I find the ENTJ Crowley description to be very accurate. Loved the line “there is as much pride in this card as in the night”. What was the source please? (ENTJ)

[@Neo101Leo]

I can't say that this always happens, but such a dynamic does exist. You go through it positively when you realize that the person is very dear to you, and you don't want to lose them. At that point, you take responsibility for them. That's why an ENTJ man doesn't have many women in his life for whom he's taken responsibility. But when he does, it's always a very strong love. I'm only speaking for myself; I can't speak for all ENTJ men, but the same is true for three of my close friends. ... And I used to think that all relationships develop this way. :)

[@heffthehecked]

The way this video emotionally charges me 😳 why do i have to remember my pain

[@natofficial6722]

My experience with my ENTJ is very different (as an ENTP). But I think it's because INTPs just don't know or don't want to create the environnement for an ENTJ to open. If I had an advice it would be, just be less menacing. And yes they will constantly test loyalty so don't expect that it will change.

[@EazyMurphy]

The videos are spot on we need more specific mbti break downs in general

[@htttppppp]

So basically some ENTJs do not like unpredictability/uncertainty/their own impulsiveness in relationships for fear of their "plans" being altered (since they have a strong will, and are determined but can be impulsive)....so if they figure out early on you kind of do not fit they cut you off emotionally but find ways of keeping you, orbiting....so strange (my experience as an INFP female). I guess some people need a different/opposite type of energy in their life. I also observed such ENTJs tend to be fond of artists that are ENFP/ INFP/J (etc.), especially music-wise. So interesting.

[@brennap3310]

Currently grappling or in the fight or flight feeling of having fallen for an INTJ. Music and movies are an easy connection to how we feel or perceive the world. 81% blend match on Spotify, a d same directors and fav films. It's comforting to have data to support the always too quick to be vulnerable with the wrong people.

[@thegem597]

Same experience....i rejected him when he came around....i am very egoistic and have my own problems to deal with....

[@NikoJones94]

Thanks skimmerlit! love the entj videos

[@NikoJones94]

"Is this going to be forever?"

[@vicenteguerrero1374]

pls don't stop making this videos

[@Skimmerlit]

I won’t. You’re sweet. Thank you.

[@kssgpv]

​@@Skimmerlityou have a great talent at narrating stories

[@realSimoneCherie]

I was single and living that up in my early 20s I was too busy and single minded to bother with a relationship - I still wanted sex and had long term unofficial situations with people but they were meaningless to me bc my goals were first. one day it just hit me that I wanted marriage so i dated looking for someone to marry and been married ever since. I thought I’d end up with an xxFP because I “dated” so many but hy the time I wanted to be married I just knew that was all wrong, I needed a steady eddy, someone unwavering and predictable whose emotions didn’t rule their every choice and action. Married to my istj for 7 years now

[@Mztbtc]

dude i love ur vids about entj.. barley anybody makes videos about us so thank u

[@EazyMurphy]

I'm in the turmoil stage and for example I texted her cute messages and she just said "I passed out last night💀" not as bland but it made me pull away for like 20min and just say in a joking way even though it hurt I said how I felt and basically imma match the energy and made it a joke but she understood and responded but it's alot of mental space dealing with this so I haven't responded yet but I try to sit back and look at the emotion before reacting

[@lindsaygonzales3598]

im a girl infp dating a guy entj & im terrified now 😂😅

[@thomaswagner883]

Ciao Skimmerlit, so I have a functions problem and I need your help. I'm an INTJ with a passion for screenwriting. The bane of my existence has always been connecting with others. I know that you also enjoy storytelling so maybe you can relate. The works I'm most proud of (like you said in your Fi video) reek of INTJness. The dialogues are Te, the feelings are Fi and so on. I'm now in a grip state again because I shared a story with friends and it didn't quite click and I'm starting to think "I'm never going to connect to anyone". I just don't get their Pov. It sometimes seems like a die roll if a story is going to be a hit or a miss. I'm certain that the problem is not in the writing, originality, conflict ecc... it's a deep psychological one and no writing manual is going to help. So my plan is this: I know that in art one shouldn't try to please everyone, but I want to satisfy different types' functions at least a bit (like my Esfj mom's). It's easy to write things that appeal to mine: Te = lead has a strong goal and makes solid plans. Or a story where the main challenge is solving a certain problem. Se = scenes that are not just dialogue but have some visual interest to it. But I can't wrap my head around how this translates to YOUR functions dear INTP Skimmerlit. I know the definitions of them but can't put them into actionable stuff. Ok, Si likes the past and details, but how does that look in a story structure? Or how is a Ti driven plot different from a Te one? What does Ti look for as a challenge? What are the story turn offs for each function? And what is most fun for you? I know tastes in genres play a role and I'm not trying to turn a Horror fan into a Comedy lover. Also I don't think the solution is to "have non Te-Ni-Se-Fi characters in the cast". Right now I'm not looking for a way to make the reader empathize with characters. I want the reader to empathize with the story itself, to enjoy the ride itself. Eagerly waiting for your take, Thomas

[@Skimmerlit]

Good to see you again. I think about functions when I’m writing, too, and I’m certain I butcher my attempts at Fi and Ni. I’m glad I’m not the only one worried about this. I’ll respond tomorrow/this afternoon once I’ve slept and finished work. I want to think some and respond thoroughly.

[@thomaswagner883]

@@Skimmerlit Thank you thank you thank you! I thought about posting this on reddit but I trust your insights much more plus you have Intp insider knowledge :) Don't be shy and if you get inspired send me a wall of text. I'm eager for as much info as possible!

[@Skimmerlit]

I'm interpreting your "connect" as keeping most people entertained but a few people relating. That's my goal. When you write a story using a plot/character to examine something you're struggling with, *someone* will connect with you. They're struggling with the same things, they probably feel alone, and few things articulate what they're feeling/thinking. Your job is articulating that in a way that does the problem justice while keeping other people interested. Again, I think that's what you're getting at, but keywords help keep objectives clear. ^Maybe that has something to do with Ti plotting? I'm unsure. That's interesting. I used never to write detailed scenery. I like clear story arcs, but I'm unsure whether that's Te vs Ti or just normal technique. Reading Hemingway helped me with all that. There's a book called *Ernest Hemingway on Writing* I find helpful, and, if I'm not mistaken, you can find pirated copies online. You might not need it, but resources are always helpful. Si in stories. Si and Ne are linked, so discussing one means discussing the other. I like when details I thought weren't significant become significant later. I like noticing something that seems out of place, a behavior or a fact, I think is important whose importance becomes revealed later. Many inclusions in stories are intentional--I like working out how those details might fit in later, and I especially like when the dots connect and everything makes sense in the end. I see the complete picture over the details I've been fussing over. Now, with the complete image, I think or read back over past scenes and appreciate how everything worked (or works now) with context. Si and Ne in writing, at least mine, feel like gathering up puzzle pieces I'm expecting to put together at some point then feeling amazed at how nice the puzzle looks once it's finished. I'm unsure about that one. How do your plots look/work? Mine focus on characters and their development--plot, to me, is an excuse to watch characters build up or fall apart. Character development and plot progression focus on some problems I'm working through and conclude with how I think the problem would get solved (or would break people). Ti and challenges. "This is a strange, bad, overwhelming situation. I sure hope I can overcome my character flaws and resolve this with everyone happy in the end instead of breaking apart, letting something awful happen, and/or hurting people I care about." My challenges are how to work through interpersonal problems. My stories tend to be how-to manuals disguised as novels ( *The Sun Also Rises* is an example of this (the audiobook version is free on KZbin (listen to it))), warnings, or just extended vibing on bad feelings. Turn ons and turn offs are harder to place: 1. I hate when characters don't act the way their development suggests they should act. Why would you bother developing someone if you're going to ignore all that work? I think might be Ti and Fe. It could have something to do with Si and Ne--of all the different ways this could've gone based on what we know, you chose the one completely out of character? 2. I hate melodrama. I hate hearing about how characters feel--I'd rather see the circumstances which make or made them feel that way. Drama/feelings are more believable that way. If you have to tell readers what to feel, you're doing it wrong. 3. I hate when elements are included (worse when they're explained at length) then serve no purpose later. Why are you wasting all this time? Cut it out or integrate it better. I'm less inclined to attribute those to functions. I *think* those should be turn offs for anyone, but I've never spoken with another write-y person who knows MBTI. I'm curious to hear what you think. Most fun reading stories: When characters get hurt in believable and relatable ways. I like feeling like I want to vomit because a scene makes me upset. The resolution (or not) matters less to me than reading scenes that make sense and are more jarring because they make sense. Neko Ane is a cute, sweet, sad story that operates that way. Most fun writing stories: When everything comes together in believable ways I wasn't expecting. I keep tentative plans for how I want/think stories should turn out, but, sometimes, the pieces suggest a different direction that makes sense and is better than anything I ever could've planned. Stumbling into those moments feels so fun and rewarding. To empathize with the story and to enjoy the ride. That's difficult because they're different goals. Choosing a problem and doing it justice will make some people empathize. The realer you are, the more they'll empathize. Writing good characters will make people enjoy the ride. If you're having fun writing a character, people will have fun reading them--they aren't necessarily attached to your main problem, but they'll keep people entertained. Writing someone believable who makes people feel things (not even positive stuff, anger and hatred work, too) will keep them interested. They aren't exactly empathizing with the person, but they're reacting to them viscerally because either they've known people like that or the character is interesting/believable enough they want to see what would happen (irl), not just will (in universe). Stories are simulations. Simulate something believably, and people will enjoy themselves because they're extracting something (info, pleasure, realization, etc.) from what you're simulating. I hope this helps.

[@thomaswagner883]

@@Skimmerlit Wow this is the wall of text I was hoping for! Yes entertainment is high on my priority list. Maybe I just care about weird themes others don't find compelling. Here are a few I've explored: 1. The subjectivity of art and how even objectively inferior works have value and shouldn't be destroyed. 2. You shouldn't force your ideals onto your loved ones even if you do it to protect them. 3. Types of love and how they compare in terms of value. Is your wife more important than your parents? These are all somehow abstract but I'm happy with how I managed to translate cool actions and meaningful choices into themes (not the other way around as I'll soon tell you). I guess the number 1 is the toughest for others to get into, it's pretty much a story where I lament how art is subjective and cruel. I would like to have a machine I can feed my art to and then get a completely objective rating from, like an absolute tomato-meter (and no this is not the plot of my story, super lame). I outline everything, never do a scene without first breaking it down beat by beat. I have a sheet of questions I need to be able to answer about the scene I'll tackle. This helps me with writer's block, takes off the pressure. I don't trust Ni much so I generally let ideas sit for a while just to be sure that I'm not doing something stupid. The good thing is that I generally never get stuck once I start writing, no plot holes popping out, and my rewrites are also quite contained. Mmmh I'll have to do some thinking on what you said about Si-Ne and the fun of connecting things. If one hides the clues too deeply then the reader won't even know there is a problem to be solved. Sudden twists are great but it's maybe even better to also have a long mistery where the discovery of clues is underlined so that the reader has time to mull over them. The fun challenge shouldn't be finding super-hidden clues but putting them together and you need a strong counterintuitive Mistery to not have an obvious solution (I realized just now that this is like the definition of a Detective conan case! All Ti-ne-si. No wonder I never guess the culprits hahaha. You should def read that one, it was big here in Europe). Wow so that's what Si is... I'll add this Si-Ne thing straight to my toolbox (spreadsheet). Also you just made me realize that I'm the opposite. As soon as it leaves the screen I forget that Chekhov's gun ever showed up (in other people's works, not mine). I'm guilty of over-complicated plots where there is one twist after the other and the reader barely has time to adjust. And the reveal of those twists often goes like "didn't you realize that my plan was actually... or that when I was unbraiding my hair I was actually hiding the...". TLDR; Make Si clues more obvious. Thing I hate most: artfilms. They are all the same. Drugs, perversion, depression, suicide. I just can't enjoy stories about whining losers. I'm Italian and most film people here look down on entertaining movies, they like plotless messes. One tip you maybe won't even need: never start from theme. If you start from the message you'll bind yourself to on-the-nose characters and settings. It's always better and more interesting to find out that the cool space adventure you're working on is actually about racism at it's core. If you start with "I'll write about racism" you're probably going to end up setting it in a bad neighborhood with the cliché cast one expects in those stories. The most important thing to me is originality. I'm not wasting time writing something I've seen somewhere else. I don't agree when they say that all the stories have been written. So yes, I only start when the Ni hits. Then I take out my spreadsheets and break every compotent down. The eureka moment generally is plot/concept related and that's where I start building. My "originality" rule applies to characters too so I avoid the Thriller mistake of having cool concepts acted out by flat charas. I make an effort of inventing new ideologies to make my charas unique. The side effect is that my protagonists are either Antiheroes or straight up evil. My favorite story is Death Note. Interesting because the creators are apparently Intps (I'm team Light). When watching videos analysing DN I generally am shocked how everyone just focuses on the theme and completely forgets the excellent rules of the Notebook itself. The Intp writer of DN said she just cared about strategies, never tried any deep exploration of the moral dilemma. The result: DN is a timeless classic and super gripping. Imagine how boring a slow and philosophical DN would be (coughs Platinum End). In my stories I always try to recreate that DN tactical tension. You know how in fantasy there are hard and soft magic systems? I like my systems very hard. Strict and defined rules. Most of my stories are some sort of game and at this point the way I develop stories looks more like me inventing a new board game. Probably one of the most frustrating things to me is how nobody seems to care about strategies and logic. They don't have any fun with it. I get the greatest rush when I'm able to figure out a way for my characters out of a hopeless trap. But no one cares... sigh. That is the emotion I aim for the most. I want others to imagine the hard logical problem at the centre of my story and get excited trying to solve it. I've studied the craft formally but I also believe good storytelling comes from insights you get when analysing the medium itself. Maybe this is an Intp mindset: I know that I can't just listen and apply other authors' wisdom but I have to push forward with my own subversions. I get those insights pretty often. I love screenwriting because it's fast and I dont have to look up synonyms and describe trees. I only only only care about fresh high concept ideas. Everything else comes second. Yesterday my Isfp friend told me I should be more vulnerable when I'm writing. Maybe she said that because most of my leads are Ayn-Rand-style Übermenschen. Maybe you mean the same when you say "realness". I'm a very guarded person and avoid subjects like romantic feelings (and yes I'm telling you this so that you know that that is a taboo subject hahaha reference). But I don't fake anything in art. Sure, I dont like writing bits with people begging, crying or being overtly nice. It makes me uncomfortable. Now that I think about it there's a theory I have on why, possibly, my stuff alienates people. I like conflict = my charas argue a lot = they have inner Fi softness but some Fe readers might not catch it = my worlds seem populated by mean sarcastic folks who constantly interrupt each other. Fixing this could be the key, idk. Could you explain how to put more Fe in stories? Group harmony right? My best friend is an Enfj but, even though he's also in the Film business, I don't think he'd be able to articulate his Fe story opinions like you can. Thinking about it, while my charas aren't stoic (hate art films where everyone is a robot) most of the emotional displays are "cool emotions": anger, shock, arrogance. Maybe that's what my Isfp means with "more vulnerable". We can do this Skimmerlit! Other artists do this emotions stuff naturally but by studying Psychology and Human nature we can do some puppeteering and manipulate people into crying and laughing. Once the formula is down all of what we'll push out will be perfect (is this an intj or intp mindset? Who knows?) Thomas Ps: I really need to get some Intp friends. Very stimulating.

[@romero5702]

@@Skimmerlit good stuff 👍. Do you have some written stories material that i can read, that you have created yourself?

[@Anna-tp9tk]

You know too well about our type and that scares me!

[@pyonz723]

yooo nice video as usual, do you have any videos scheduled on ENTPs?

[@Skimmerlit]

I dislike putting out information I wouldn’t bet on. I might make a short video about ENTP info I’m sure of.

[@safe957]

@@Skimmerlit if you'd like i wouldnt mind sharing my findings, its really fun dismantling, re-arranging and fixing

[@Skimmerlit]

Definitely. I’d love to hear. If you would, post your major points/observations here. Copy your comment before you post it-YT sometimes auto-deletes essays, and sometimes it holds them for review where I can’t access them for days.

[@safe957]

​ @Skimmerlit will do. Id like to preface by stating the Obvious that im an ENTP myself and to make matters slightly worse i am diagnosed with BPD and afew other mental illnesses but BPD specifically had effected my Fe function spiking it so ill preface with that too since i found it quite interesting I dont know if there are any theories to validate this im just saying my personal observation Ill first preface the issues ENTP's will face that are obvious and some of my own 1. Deflection 2.Unable to take matters seriously 3.taking matters TOO seriously and not being able to flip the switch back to joking 4.Once committed to a single person and all their gaurds are down they WILL COMMIT, they WILL MEAN ALOT to them and if the ENTP likes it or not that will live in the ENTP's head for some time 5. Just a warning this might be a personal thing as I havent found enough ENTP's to ask about this, but i want to feel sad its difficult to explain but because of tertiary Fe we(might be just me) often feel like we are just robots, emotionless and expressing feelings its not hard but its like trying to swallow a pill, I would often find myself self destructing only to FEEL negative emotions because it makes me feel alive, ofcourse ive had a situation where i had self destructed a relationship that truly ment something to me and i wish to fix that mistake which goes into my other point 6. Guilt, most ENTP's have the mentality "I did the best i could, nothing else could be done" mentality towards situations which can often have us miss opportunities to fix things 7.Considering others, While ENTP's are very "HAHA FUCK YOU HURR DURR MA RACIST JOKE MA OFFENSIVE JOKE" they WILL tone down that attitude towards certain groups of people in fear of how they would judge them becoming mow ENFP 8.Loneliness is quite easy to get to us lmao 9. Doing things for the sake of doing things, Ive found myself doing experiments and research just to see where they lead, its as if i know im gonna find something like I can sense a discovery but im not there yet as other ENTP's would do this in different manners as a Fem-ENTP i knew confessed to attemtping to digest bleach in hopes of finding out its effects the natural way, we like to discover and do things the "Natural" way meaning no tutorial, no hints, no tips, no cheating, no NOTHING but when the ENTP doesn't care they about the thing that leys infront of them they will find the easiest, most efficient and fastest way to go through it Heres something else i like to mention, I believe that Every MBTI has a Mature vs Immature version with the differences being massive in characteristics and how they approach certain situations, perfect example would be INFJ's, an immature INFJ would not know what they want, they would have no direction we are talking about COMPLETE Fi blindness to a point where they are TERRIFIED of commitment and serious conversation we are talking at EVERY time communication is opened they run away no questions allowed, but a mature INFJ would still be terrified but approach WITH CAUTION and try to approach the situation in an adult manner, ofcourse they would still feel terrified, scared, vulnerable and attacked BUT they would still be willing to move forward with caution I stil have alot more notes and things ive stored and if it makes it easier i would love to send you them through email or any other form of communication, nonetheless good video bub

[@safe957]

@@Skimmerlit I will also like to mention something, the one ENTP weakness that creates a pivotal point in their life is The power of knowledge and how knowing too much can literally break an ENTP, this is something that CANNOT be forced on them rather they find out themselves, they dont all go through this only a rare majority

[@sash8099]

That's not a Fe or Ti thing. That's a normal person thing. Te is probably making the calls with this. Fi isn't that stupid.

[@Skimmerlit]

imgur.com/a/HX7SAPr

[@sash8099]

@@Skimmerlit haha 😂

[@sash8099]

@@Skimmerlit Entjs should live in a monastery for a while. Monks who practice Pacifism can teach them to be calm and accept what they consider to be weaknesses. Monks are resilient and they don't get triggered so easily. That's true strength of character. Tibet would have been good to visit if it wasn't for China.

[@Skimmerlit]

KZbin keeps auto-blocking your comments without notifying me. I’m adding you to the approved users list. It’ll keep happening, but this might help. Edit: I approved some of your other comments that had been sitting in there. I haven’t figured out why this happens. KZbin singles out certain people, like Pobody, and blocks them 24/7.

[@sash8099]

@@Skimmerlit I wasn't aware of that. Thanks for letting me know. I wonder why though.

[@sophiagomez5619]

When the Bonk is bonked

[@gabriellavictory3080]

What do you mean by stay and "fold" or stay and not "fold", by them "abusing" one who "folds" and by "not being shit in the end?" Please elaborate.

[@Skimmerlit]

These terms apply to everyone. Definitions are fluid. Folding: Giving up your plans/needs for another’s just to keep the relationship going. Better to break up or work on a compromise. Abuse: Treat like shit because they can. Your folding set a bad precedent. If people think they can be nasty, they will. Not being shit: Lacking conviction.

[@gabriellavictory3080]

@@Skimmerlit Thank you.

[@creativenetworkbywyndellle256]

😂 bill gates a Intp and his ex wife was a Entj so yall definitely can build a powerhouse

[@PoblanoPride222]

Funny you say don't take it personal after you thrashed entj 4 minutes straight.

[@maeveHeyoka]

….the woman the world needs… I can’t tell you how much I love my people and the existential emotional crisis I’m in needing to save them.

[@maeveHeyoka]

I don’t think I said anything was more important. Unless they hurt me. But it is absolutely the loyalty test of fear in abandonment. It’s a test for ourselves also. OH MY FCKING GOD IVE DONE THIS SHIT 🤯

[@maeveHeyoka]

I think it’s a proof of trust. If they can see our crazy and stay, we can trust you won’t run from our authenticity and we can “chill”

[@maeveHeyoka]

It’s all loyalty tests?

[@maeveHeyoka]

I’ve said that about my dog