Ep. 11 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Tom Segura is appearing from Europe via hologram and Bert Kreischer is very down in weight! It's 2 Bears 1 Cave! Do you have wild hiking thoughts? Is making out cheating? These questions and more are answered. Plus, an appearance by Whitney Cummings after a "viewing" sparks some questions. Bert and Tom talk about So Over October with Christina P and LeeAnn Kreischer, and we ask "Who cooks ONE egg?"
yourmomshousepodcast.com/
www.merchmethod.com/tomsegura/
/ yourmomshousepodcast
/ yourmomshousepodcast

[@ejdbg19]

"The one where she looks like she's suffering, go back to that one" - Serial Killer Segura lolll

[@mysticapprentice]

22:49...... followed immediately after by "go to the far right" together with an interesting arm gesture.... hmmm.......

[@jordanknelsen-long1675]

This podcast feels like Tom setting up Bert to have a huge fight with his wife

[@Howsyer]

It is. Just like the so over october podcast is Christina goading Leanne into trash talking Bert. He has such great friends...

[@honestinsincerity2270]

They do seem like they're conspiring to destroy Bert both professionally and personally. But in a really funny, cute way that we all enjoy.

[@timstradley5819]

Jordan Knelsen-Long yeah def a setup by the mommies. Christina is totally in on it.

[@OftLieN]

Bert: #1 racist comedian

[@skyluke9476]

You know what helps couples get through fights... molly

[@user-pt1kj5uw3b]

90% of every podcast is them throwing out the idea of cheating on their wives lmao

[@kevindube7096]

Also 90% they’re not joking, 10% they’re acting like it’s jokes 🤷🏽‍♂️

[@kjcorder]

and not knowing how to work their damn phones.

[@admc5403]

Yeah and then its the wife who actually does the cheating. Toms wife banged potter last week. See last episode of YMH. The entire episode is tom showing that he knows. Christine is oblivious until the final 5mins of the pre recorded opening. (Just before the guest video comes in) You're welcome.

[@kjcorder]

@@admc5403 . tina wouldn't have sex with the cockroach. try again..

[@pallyboy6005]

@@admc5403 Such a silly silly troll, weird and specific lies to spread~ Who'd you hear it from~? xD

[@wesoakes]

Never soundproof that control room. Listening to Blueban loose his shit only enhances the funny. God I love it lol

[@bjburk]

Its Josh ...but still....

[@Mikedowd84]

Either way, that shit is hilarious!

[@LukeGeoDude]

That's the best thing about the whole program!

[@branapeles]

But can’t remember and tell Bert the story he was was trying to remember was about sharing a hotel room with a dude.

[@wesoakes]

Brandon Burk um ya honor. I have an article of evidence I’d like to submit to the court. I was just listening to Dr. Drew After Dark with Mark Normand and at at 44:10 Blueban looses his shit and Drew says “wow Nadav liked that one”.

[@shootfrick]

Bert getting excited about Jessie Andrews popping up is just him discovering how google works lol

[@kevinromberg1664]

Thank you!! Bert - "Isn't it crazy how you can type keywords in a google search...and get information?! Isn't that crazy?" No, no its not Bert

[@ruggerosmith1167]

Alex Burnside it's like the scene in 2001 where the ape-man discovers tools and weapons and how to eat meat

[@SteveCossaboom]

Oh yeah. He was commending Tom on his astonishing use of "meems" (memes) and it took Tom a few questions to figure out he was talking about animated GIFs. Bert's a six year old in so many ways ... just pure ego-driven gluttony and alcoholism, and loudly shouting EVERYTHING instantly that comes rolling through his head like tumbleweeds. And he's an expert on everything, except how to properly pronounce the names of the things, and actually knowing anything about the things. Haha.

[@sorryimsosad]

To be fair tho how many girls would pop up if you put in “porn star hot brunette with blue eyes” more than JUST Lana Rhoades will pop up. So it still was pretty funny.

[@TheValleyoftheSun480]

"Isn't there one. She looks like she's suffering, can you go back" - Tom Segura 22:52

[@sage175]

Oh, she happy. Nevermind!

[@lourahkneeri0229]

"It looks like she's taking a shiiit"

[@mattdyne]

Tom is such a donny! He knows what we really want 😂😂

[@mattgrundy27]

Made it 31 days without drinking. First time in 8+ years. Thanks for the motivation boys. Cheers!

[@howiemoth3847]

So, on a lite month Bert only drinks 50% of the days.

[@zackanderson9453]

Exercising restraint

[@gregoryhines7]

You know you have a problem when drinking half the days in a month is "barely drinking"

[@ZChoate]

and lets be honest, Bert drank at least half of those days off.

[@cloud_monkey422]

You don’t get called the biggest partier in America by taking days off

[@mikewalker6016]

@@cloud_monkey422 people who party don't get upset when they get free drugs, alcoholics do.

[@MidwestDankAlumni]

@@mikewalker6016 leann got more upset about it

[@mikewalker6016]

@@MidwestDankAlumni pshht... bitches man. Ya know what I'm sayin!

[@littlebbjesus]

“The one that looks like she’s suffering” 😂

[@faronfonze9316]

Tom tortures for sport ;p

[@vitXras]

Scrolled down looking for this quote. first comment I see!

[@sdksingh4]

“Oh no, she’s happy. Never mind” lol

[@ontologicallysteve7765]

@Drew Jackman because the FBI knows. They know, dude. You had a good run, but it's over. *It's over, dude* .

[@deanjuliano7849]

39:04 + .... "Let's get to the part Josh doesn't like ... ...he likes LESbian porn" "What are you in 8th Grade???!"

[@Sonofgrievous]

Leanne: Berts a misogynist, racist and showers in the pool. Bert: Leanne eats ONE egg

[@haymaker710]

Leanne is a false blood.

[@arturogomeztagle9250]

Mate, meet Check.

[@haymaker710]

@@arturogomeztagle9250 Soo Woo

[@ghoulsarefree]

@Chris Jjjj beta blockers are blood pressure medicine...

[@CR-ok5cc]

Add “Bert going to Vermont” to the library of stories that were started and never finished

[@murph7421]

I really wanted to hear that, and who the guy was that got him a room at Four Seasons.

[@lionsmanexx]

Lol that’s gotta be a long list

[@Cyxz666]

Bert "I order 3 burgers for myself, why am I not losing weight" Kreischer

[@huckleberrylachow2202]

the laughing in the back is low key great, whoever’s laugh that is, you’re awesome

[@Frank_Reynolds__.]

Half the time I'm listening for him to laugh vs what's actually being said.

[@shawnmcvey7789]

I'm 80% sure his name is Nadav, and I'm 20% sure of the spelling.

[@DaddyRaysTM]

Its blue ban, same laugh in YMH

[@kristophershinn4420]

I feel 100% the opposite

[@Nobodyevencares27]

i thought that was josh porter's insane person's laugh - regardless of who it is, it's half the reason why i watch everything on YMH.

[@madecl21]

"I'm being haunted" "okay see ya later"

[@JeEnYuS504]

mason clark Isla is gonna have the most interesting villain backstory

[@Kim-SCUSA]

Listening to the guys in the booth laugh makes me laugh every time.

[@caseyclayton7084]

"we don't do guests" calls somebody every episode anyway

[@lionsmanexx]

😹

[@mikeoxmaul9386]

I wish I could find someone who loved me as much as bert loves himself

[@kevindube7096]

This is a special day. Today marks the anniversary of me reading this same comment 15 times by 15 different people

[@dannywilliams3764]

Bert loves white people more than he does himself.

[@ronniehotdogs2982]

Kevin Dube congratulations on your special day. 🥳 I’m so happy for you! 😃

[@blakethomas2352]

True I almost feel bad for his family

[@ShiroRX]

This is a podcast i always forget is coming out but cannot wait to listen when it comes up on subscribtions. Like a weekly gift.

[@reillychilders9174]

Bert: "Just say his name well cut it out." Tom:"No, I can't." Random cut 😂

[@markkimo]

That Owen Grey dude is just Reviewbruh when he takes his suit off.

[@iGotaIPHONE]

This comment wins

[@courtneyrichards2350]

Owen gray is AMAZING

[@MrEL91N]

Hahaha

[@dcdude171]

Yeah was kind of surprised to see that he is balding, thin and kind of weird looking.

[@richardbalistreri7631]

“Oh, no, she’s happy. Never mind.”

[@hermanblume2527]

The background laughing makes me so unbelievably happy.

[@damaspiderqueen]

"Look at that hog." -Burnt Crystals

[@Mr_Jish]

Bert: "I speak a little Russian" Also Bert: "I forget how to count to three in Russian"

[@joshrowe9653]

To be fair, he probably also forgets how to count to three in English.

[@StephenKyle91]

We know he can count to at least two in English because he’s always pounding double titos

[@RepairRenovateRenew]

Ras Vah tre

[@SteveCossaboom]

Bwa-ha! Knowing two or three words in Russian, like the kind you can pick up from ANY modern-day gangster movie, is Bert's definition of "I speak a little Russian". Like when he was trying to mock the way Irish people speak, when he heard Aisling Bea use the very common "me" instead of "my" in sentences. (EG "Where's me glasses?") He started to bark out some really weird string of word-salad where the word "me" showed up about 8 times, and all incorrectly. Jesus, Bert, how hard is THAT concept to get‽ It's in English!

[@Mr_Jish]

Haha I hadn't seen these comments, but the direction they went make me very happy. Josh Rowe, well played sir 🤣

[@robertreif123456]

The constant laughter in the background gives me life

[@Cyxz666]

Bert: "I'm an anomaly." Is that how you spell alcoholic?

[@lolshatter]

well, Bert is dyslexic as fuck

[@Mikedowd84]

lolshatter you spelled lysdexic wrong bro

[@ronniehotdogs2982]

Mike Dowd it’s okay bro, he’s obviously dieslexiuc af

[@Fryed_Bryce]

It's the mickey mantle gene

[@mypawsoflove]

denial, lol

[@travismoait314]

This is the easiest job ever for Tom - he gets to sit there and watch/encourage Bert digging himself into a hole week after week. Keep up the good work Tom

[@justinendicott2048]

"He's a pretty impressive guy." - Bert *Tom smirks and rolls his eyes*

[@nolanswaggalicious9471]

Underrated comment, lost it when I saw that

[@henrykevincueto9307]

5:02 is where the hair ad ends

[@jordanmckenzie3930]

Thanks champ

[@gmaccormack420]

Advertisement champ ftw

[@jonnybravo4322]

Solid. Your a saint

[@MrPoisonMilk]

the real water champ

[@ihhh3631]

Good looks fam. Soowoo

[@usfgeek1]

Guy laughing in the back like his job depends on it.

[@darkstar4450]

I know right I wish I found everything as funny as he does

[@Augdogfrogslog]

OverstuffedSofa if you were there it’s probably 10x as funny

[@tylerbrooks2210]

Whitney-"I'd probably be Tom's assistant" Tom-*yeah that could work, probably leave my wife*

[@jobri5688]

Nah bruh, Whitney is tore back as hell.

[@alexanderjeromewhite2380]

@@jobri5688 wym? Like shes ran through?

[@jobri5688]

@@alexanderjeromewhite2380 like she's had a hard life and still trying to plaster a face on.

[@Fryed_Bryce]

Jobri i would still stick it right in there if she asked me to

[@yobum1894]

Bert- “Shout our to his new tattoo” Tom- “His new tattoo??” 😂😂😂

[@nataliahellen6509]

Going to see Tom for the first time in NY after listening to him for years now. Excited 😜

[@joshuakohn4408]

Tom wants bert to get divorced so bad lol

[@picklerick2275]

When Bert is talking to Dr. Drew in January about his pending divorce, these podcast will be used against him as evidence. With Drew yelling at Bert "this is not your fault, now step away from the ledge".

[@Jawgasmokes]

I love this show keep em high and tight SOOWOO.

[@BrandonGiordano]

Suu Whuup

[@omny6686]

Tom used the "hike" to cover up the music video 😂😂😂

[@itsmejb360]

Bert: "alright, so I didnt drink like at all in the month of August." Tom: "really?!" Bert: "I mean, I barely drank in August." Tom: "so how much is barely?" Bert: "I only drank on the weekends." Tom: "so you didnt drink at all during the weekdays?" Bert: "I mean, I only had 2 drinks a few days out of the week." Tom: "..how many times do you think you drank total?" Bert: "I probably had at least 15 drinks in the WHOLE month.." Tom: "..."

[@DaRussianSausage]

"I wish i was the guy who could cheat on his wife" - Bert lol

[@AbeldeBetancourt]

Tom and Bert are such dads they need a smart watch to confirm the time from their regular watch

[@ronniehotdogs2982]

Caligula hahahahahahahhahahahhahahhahahahhhahahahahahahahhahahhahahahhahahaahhahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahhahahahahah... ha ha, hahahahahahhahhaahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahah... ha ha hah. Ha ha hah. That’s hilarious!

[@A.I.R.2016]

Has anyone else been screaming at the screen..."golf weekend!!! 4seasons!!! Vermont!!!" Tell the stories Bert!

[@LeslieDugger]

Bert isn’t alcoholic, he just really likes beverages. Just look at the amount of drinks in front of him. 1 Paper cup, 2 la croix, large coffee, water bottle.

[@RichSProducer]

I didn't realize how many drinks were infront of him until I read this comment and, when I saw it, I almost spit my drink out, haha.

[@Mikedowd84]

Dude has a legit “beverage” problem. Maybe someone should just start handing him those alcohol free Heineken’s Rogan has been talking about

[@marklemus3634]

Dude, I didn't even notice till now hahahaha

[@timstradley5819]

He’s said that many times he literally has a drinking problem lol. All drinks included

[@TheReadingVagabond]

It’s his OCD. It calms his anxiety to have options. The full coffee is for his buzz since he gets panic that he can’t drink

[@westcoastfire2061]

Berts excitement over finding a porn actress was probably his same reaction when he first saw a playboy magazine.

[@markleonard4809]

Ep: 11 Bert on scarcity: it's really really unhealthy to be poor. Thanx for the insight, genius ha

[@edgar6368]

Berts wife is gonna leave him because of this podcast lol

[@StephenKyle91]

No more quarterly blowies for bert 😂

[@TheBlackMambaa248]

Not only this podcast, the whole YMH network. Dr drew, push, Tom. They are all working against Bert😂

[@Born2BDown1981]

She’s gotta be a saint.

[@mrboatshoe]

😂😂😂😂 for sure

[@kevindube7096]

The only reason either of them are still together with their wives is having children & public expectations 🤷🏽‍♂️

[@hollowice999]

8:05 Tom’s hike sounds like a cover story for his Dance video.

[@alexjoseph4665]

7:48 "Xanax is the best" - Tom Segura

[@leviathantoobz]

Never stop this.

[@dannyjowers5258]

I love your inside friendship that allows us to see the necrotic behaviors that make me quiver like a small child.

[@simonmacrae549]

"I bet he reads!" 😂

[@andrewthomason3626]

No one’s talking about Tom being in the movie Countdown...

[@JamesChavez]

I don't think Bert knows what it means to "bookend" something.

[@joelblendermann5203]

The hysterical laughter in the background always gets me😂

[@LemonWitLime]

I love Tom and Bert doing ads together. It’s sm better

[@lookatdisdude3181]

Bert "I can't tell this story" Kreischer

[@vlexanderson5454]

Crazy how excited Bert got when Google worked!

[@booognish]

This is the best podcast out there right now

[@danb7601]

I really look forward to this podcast so much now!

[@SchmittyWerbenJagermanJensen]

Whilst in Deutschland tell Josh to try incorporating scat play into his sex life bet that'll do the trick.

[@danb7601]

of course Bert says "massage" as if he's almost saying mysogynist :P

[@rodneynielson9784]

Bert got so excited when they found Jesse Andrew! He's so amazed that a search engine can find someone with only keywords 😂

[@gxp5.3]

I love THIS 😂 ONE egg but hot sauce! Winner 🏅

[@TheMitch112190]

Bert "I only drank on every Friday and Saturday, sometimes on Sunday... Sometimes a few times during the week" Kreischer

[@colind.8803]

Tommy Buns rocking the Supreme tees

[@Masterfuron]

"Just say his name and we'll cut it out" "No, I can't" - Cuts the scene

[@mollymartin9274]

Bert flipping out over ONE EGG cracked me up lmaoooo

[@klaoll]

god i love this podcast :D

[@austinscott1256]

8:05-8:50 in hindsight it's so obvious Tom is lying about going on a "crazy hike" cause he's struggling to come up with details 😂 (if y'all dont know that's when he filmed his dance video)

[@mertman182]

Tom saying far right with the salute is dynamite!! 22:54

[@PickleRick849]

I am sitting in my open office cry laughing. Tears just running down... Happy Monday 12:29 pleasure.....

[@shortsleave]

“There’s a guy that has a beard…kinda looks like us” That would be EVERY GUY ON THE STREET.

[@Mazas3245]

I swear one of the best things of this podcast, hands down has to be whoever that is in the background cracking up at shit I cracked up at too.

[@Moonshine5.7]

The talking to your self about confrontations... GOD DAMN, lol Thought I was the only one who did that and thought I was going crazy lol.

[@mcooper7743]

Search engines are like magic to Bert.

[@jorgevirgen59]

Episode 11 and this podcast is already top 3 podcast of all time #nocap #SOOWOOONATION

[@BigWave6890]

Love how Bert mentions Owen Gray😂 The mans not wrong

[@autumnclockwork]

Every chick wants to be fucked by Owen, tbh. He'd make you orgasm but not be fucking annoying about it. It'd be effortless.

[@rumham7631]

Yall gay. Nothing wrong with it but its true

[@anthonypena8452]

Hearing the laughter in the background is the best xD

[@Jelle987]

This aired during Amsterdam and it was great! Especially the upset Italian guy really rounded out the evening.

[@justinendicott2048]

Sobriety and weight loss brought the gay out of Bert in this episode. "I get obsessed with his leg tatoo." - Burnt Crystals 2019

[@GEG17]

Bert: Owen Grey Tom: Uh, is that a guy? Bert: uh Yeah Tom: ....oh

[@filthy-casual]

I can’t wait to see both of your new specials ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@kalanilua6119]

"Who the FUCK makes one egg?" Brought me to tears 😂😂😂

[@jasoncreedfilms]

Looks like Bert learned his "Mickey Mantle" lesson.

[@Ramboskates85]

How does a dilaudid not affect Bert but a half a molly has him in the man cave for five hours tripping lol

[@InhaleAwesomeness]

Because dilaudid is an opioid and mdma isn't. They work on a completely different class of receptors. Like Dr. Drew says, reactions to opioids can vary depending on your bodies own opioid receptor composition.

[@HyperintelligentViralSpider]

They are two entirely different drugs. Have literally opposite effects

[@derekwalker4078]

The guy losing his shit starting at “what are you doing to me?!?” Was killing me ha

[@DSGxTennessee]

My new favorite podcast shit just flows and its hilarious

[@Phillyfan36]

Tom looks like he's constantly trying to not pick his nose on camera.

[@jimfisher5219]

And eat it

[@vhscopyofrainman163]

"He's like us" * guy is super buff and well groomed* "Yup. Just like us"

[@carlmccartney1025]

They weren't actually talking about him, they got sidetracked, they were obviously thinking of Ron jeremy

[@kevinrichardson5093]

One of the best things about Bert is how “that’s when I used to be friends with Billy Crudupt” (spelling) is just glossed over 😂

[@joepfaff793]

Its awesome when bert snorts when he laugh so hard lol

[@wonkeycong1956]

Ooh "Full Melissa McCarthy" 🔥

[@brysontaylor1223]

I died at “I love reading the artwork on his body” 😆

[@danlowe4620]

I think combining everything that I love about podcast together this has to be my favourite the theme song and ending song make it

[@theeturnone]

"she got it from horseback riding, it was crazy" . . . hahahahah . . I freakin love Bert

[@FormulaJuann]

Sometimes I get more satisfaction from hearing the laughing in the background 😂

[@shiftgood]

This has turned into 2 bears playing with their phones.

[@Nickscrazylips]

And Bert won't even text me back... What a bum licker.

[@kjcorder]

yeah it's gotten real old.

[@vfghhccc8691]

Shut up

[@drandalldrums]

Holy shit. Isla answering the phone was fucking hilarious. Definitely Berts kid. Hahahaha. Toms like "She sounded kinda sad" hahahaha

[@kapten-awesome]

i love the outro so much, i can listen to it on repeat and it never gets bad. so fucking great! 1:00:10 if someone wants to listen again,and again.

[@its_millertime3157]

It took me 44 minutes to realize Burt does have a shirt on. I’m so used to shirtless Bert is normal