Ep. 131 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

[@JK-ku6cq]

The only good thing about Monday is another episode of “Bart talks and Tom makes faces”

[@Betty-Boop809]

Try Bad Friends, it’s so much more entertaining and everyone contributes.

[@Muckwickett]

Like jim from the office

[@82PeRK]

Yeah that's been old for years now

[@funnydonor9484]

They jumped the shark two years ago. Tom doesn’t have the moxie to take the show over for even a minute. He not funny

[@ExistentialBordem]

@@Betty-Boop809 Amen

[@sentientcardboarddumpster7900]

I wonder how Bert drew his family when he was a kid. I bet he's really big and everyone else is tiny and he even forgot someone

[@jarnold1789]

😂😂😂

[@skyetyga2585]

This is good and hella original 😂

[@danielmeuler2877]

I would bet that you are 100% rite.

[@BadGoyz4Life]

It would be just him and his parents are like Superman and Marilyn Monroe and he shows the entire school

[@briananderson7071]

😂

[@bananaboy444]

I missed when Tom would open episodes by implying Brent was racist but he took care of it himself this time

[@VideoNozoki]

Same. WISH Tim would continue those. Tim: "You _can't_ say they're not allowed to vote. It is already a law.... " Brett: "Have we started recording? Oh, you fuq'r! You got me again."

[@victoriamcfarland8408]

Y P Puf P Yup

[@oneteetx]

@@VideoNozoki see wx

[@blackmarketnews8579]

I really appreciate you guys putting the show out an hour earlier, so now i can get a show in before work.

[@SirBagelsFGR]

Same

[@dustinlegg108]

Saaaaame. Gotta have it like Monday mornin coffee

[@Shweaty7]

It’s always 9am drop?

[@flying_nimbus7852]

"Hey what's up you f***in...stupid" should be a greeting for everybody lol

[@darrellwilliams1714]

That shit cracked me up

[@jamespowers.gpa.]

Hahah yes! That had me rolling! Lol

[@bri7506]

So it's not appropriate??

[@007meechy9]

bert heard “out of pocket” once and can’t stop saying it 😭who’s gonna tell him how late he is? 🤣

[@breadlytoasted]

Steve-o is maybe the coolest guy ever to get famous. "You called because you want me to call my multimillionaire friend so you can ask him a dumb ass question? Happy to do it man thanks for thinking about me"

[@kalelobe5710]

Time stamp?

[@gregbaker3710]

Love how Bart uses his LeeAnn voice for the puzzle girl 😂

[@sleekpngn4050]

16:18-20:20 was the best segment they could do. I was dying when Enny took to the mic

[@jacobdapore150]

My hair stylist told me she really wanted to see Bret Curseinjer, couldn’t stop laughing

[@jerryrimmer9775]

A guy at a weed store called him bret kursher once. when I went to correct him i couldn't pronounce it correctly. After 3 tries I gave up and just nodded r-wordedly

[@BadGoyz4Life]

@@jerryrimmer9775 did your tongue get stuck in your teeth?

[@shooglechic]

I really love it when someone says a variation and we immediately know who they are talking about.

[@Cyxz666]

No matter how many times Tom tells Bert how aggressive randomly FaceTiming people is, he will never get it through his giant head.

[@thesnowleopardmusic]

haha Does Tom get anything through his giant head?

[@jellojoe00]

Bert " we grew up with jackass" Bert " we were hanging out with Knoxville" " he pitched jackass to me"

[@ryanirving3388]

Jackass was a thing before it was named jackass. So Bernts story makes sense when factoring in the story of how jackass came to fruition

[@Tojoblindeye]

Hahah Brent thinks he's like 30 dude. Jackass wasn't a thing before it was jackass, it's was big brother and CKY. That made jackass.

[@bakedgoods9182]

They were both in LA and were friends before Knoxville started jackass so ya never know.

[@Shadow0fd3ath24]

@@ryanirving3388 it wasnt though. They didnt know it was gonna be called that until they gathered the crew for the pilot a month before shooting(this is straight from Jeffs mouth). Before that it was a bunch of guys from big brother, spike jonze, and the CKY guys trying to make something.

[@ryanirving3388]

@@Shadow0fd3ath24 ...you think them not settling on a name for the show kept them from pitching their show idea to people?....lol........

[@lukecouzens3946]

This whole podcast is legit Tom talking to a child with a beard.

[@aparson2967]

Bert is going to get his Speedo deal because he wants everyone to swim like a dolphin!

[@colek9574]

And then get bit like Spooneys by a shark

[@justjsak]

@@colek9574 spoonies lmao

[@evenbuzzard4642]

Invite Poopies on the show!

[@8thlvlMage]

Bert called Stev-O and Tom got a pocket dial from Hannibal Buress. Two different worlds lol! What a wild podcast.

[@chriswitry6976]

“Jackass is the best movie ever.” -Bart Kysnier; Rotten Barfmatoes: (ah-)100%

[@ExpBlissIt]

It was really nice that you guys complimented Danger Aaron he gets so much shit and Its nice to see him being valued

[@BadGoyz4Life]

I got huge respect for him cuz he gets it the worst from everyone throughout the series and he still sticks around. I feel like he did most the stunts in the latest movie.

[@GatsbyMyself]

“Ehren”

[@tylergeorge733]

Barts face looks extra swollen today. Glad to see the high sodium high alcohol diet is still going strong

[@the_Dogpacker]

As long as his speedos expand accordingly, he's one happy balloon.

[@zachkeel9994]

He looks Chinese

[@whip8]

Someone has to balance the inflation of the universe

[@rodneycaldwell1310]

Love how Tom changes out the 12inch behind him every episode.

[@strangeadv4977]

And with an absolute banger none the less

[@christopher152]

uhm, he has had that one many episodes

[@rodneycaldwell1310]

@@christopher152 De La Soul, Run DMC, Biggie, digital underground LL cool j just to name a few

[@christopher152]

@@rodneycaldwell1310 don't know what that has to do with what I wrote. He's still has had that same one on many episodes. He's obviously not changing it every episode.

[@maxplastix8043]

i can confirm that jig saw puzzle girls give serious sloppy toppy.

[@BadGoyz4Life]

The introverts usually do, it's the extroverts that think they've done enough and just like to lay there and talk dirty

[@Sickclanftw]

Seconded

[@jacobklawinski8112]

👍 agreed

[@ja5304]

I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that Burt asked for “a good N-word” while playing Wordle in public.

[@sweetbabyrick5382]

Bert’s audio/crest/nymph Wordle tactic is very solid.

[@Josh-pf9qx]

@@sweetbabyrick5382 FACTS. Never thought he of all people would be able to retain that. At least he retains some things lol

[@brianakennedy1594]

“jigsaw national international convention” love it bert

[@jzam469]

Tom was, so pleased with his Bert moment about the Riddler being in Batman

[@J-Mac8]

Why?

[@father3dollarbill]

There's no comma there, son.

[@SketchyAsFunk]

That shit got me 🤣🤣

[@matthewviolette4235]

Riddler is the best

[@davidfadden7948]

I REALLY want 2Bears to go to the jigsaw convention. Film it

[@lukewojdylo9241]

The final stage of this speedo thing is Bert and Chrissy D hosting a beach-side lightning baking show: *Speed Dough* on HGTV After Dark.

[@MichaelWutsch]

Why do I want to watch HGTV after dark?

[@lukewojdylo9241]

@@MichaelWutsch For Chris and Bert touchin' tips; while Emerill yells BAM!

[@queencityjesters9973]

@@MichaelWutschlook my Ju my

[@cjkennedy24]

“It’s not aggressive, it’s Stevo” 😂😂😂 great line from Bart

[@Jdubsx]

Pretty rad to hear Burt bring up cky, such good memories laughing with friends at that stuff.

[@SwordofZen]

I remember being inspired to ride my skateboard full speed into this massive bush by the house after watching cky... def simpler times

[@x.Aura.x]

I think about Haggard all the time man 💔

[@Shayquaza]

Bernadette Nere

[@zechariahross1444]

Two bears one cave? More like one bear and one bear with down syndrome

[@zechariahross1444]

Two bears one cave? More like one bear and one bear with down syndrome lmaoooo

[@gabebierschenk3060]

Enny is a treasure and needs to be protected at all costs.

[@FailingForFun]

the best

[@nickl.7748]

@@FailingForFun no. HOT SAUCE is the best but Enny is a close second

[@josephsosa776]

Fuck to the no.

[@neighborbruce]

@@josephsosa776 really cool take you got there brother. You better bet I'm gonna be coming up in May

[@FoJo93]

I left Jackass forever with a massive headache from laughing and crying continuously for 2 hours. It’s the funniest movie ever made.

[@TheSlappy.]

I absolutely LOVE how within the first 15 minutes Bert was proven wrong 3 times back to back to back!

[@The.Adam.D]

So 8am est is the new time now? I’m all for it

[@ThatOneDudeNick]

I love that Steve-O just picked up and gave them so much time without hesitation. Seems like a good dude.

[@maxng7211]

Bert: "I'm not great at keeping secrets" Bert 10 seconds later talking about baseball: "Ohhh wait, that's a secret you might have to take that out"

[@dukkha7237]

This whole episode was like the being in matrix - they spoke to Steve - O then spoke about Speed-O . This was one my favs right here 👌👌👌

[@earlymorningpodcast]

I think Bert is starting up onset dementia... How exciting!

[@HarryManback0]

Sounds like you are too.

[@tnntlmmn277]

@@HarryManback0 lol are you offended over an observation? incredible

[@HarryManback0]

@@tnntlmmn277 I shouldn't have to explain this to anyone with a normal mental capacity, but I was pointing out that their sentence is completely incoherent.

[@earlymorningpodcast]

@@HarryManback0 you seem edyoucated, listening to this must be difficult

[@jbraun902]

Bart- “What racial slurs can you use?” Tommy Buns- Looks down starts laughing 😂

[@JSorb]

Praise Allah on the 7am upload. Thanks Paddy

[@LimorG]

Especially for Eid 😉

[@taia-b8f]

Nadav's googling skills are just insane to me. "jeremy lin chinese name"!? That's how you were gonna find out his nationality?

[@dvanlivesnow96]

Lmfao; I thought the same thing at first... We caught Native playing favorites & using search terms that would support Tom's argument..... Either that; or we caught him practicing for his next Victoria's Secret Calendar. I'm on the fence, so don't touch my camera. Ta ta there mommy.

[@Kapitalist88]

I was raging so hard in my room because of this, my gf came in running like "WHAT HAPPENED?" lmfao

[@edromes30]

This episode was made 25 days ago. Thanks to the jigsaw convention.

[@utlonghorn86]

Damn.

[@8thlvlMage]

The day after the previous episode apparently. When they bank episodes they really bank them I guess! It makes sense with all the touring though.

[@anthonyzullo]

Bert: "I'm bad at keeping secrets" Bert: names a hour special "secret time"

[@xRamZx]

Bert sorry to hear about your stage breaking due to unforeseen fatness

[@acs78393]

But he's not fat, just look at his arms! lol

[@Wnick56]

@@acs78393 he couldn’t be fat, his kool-aid is low calorie

[@jackshiels1206]

@@Wnick56 it has a lot of sugar in it but the amount of vitamin D cancels out the sugar 😂

[@AsiaOfTheMultiverse]

"I need to be signed--as an athlete" (by Speedo) laughing my face off 😂🤣

[@BoxForSobriety]

Bert Lets BOX for Sobriety 🥊 LOL

[@49hamburger]

It's so amazing to me the thing Bert "Spins out" from. He literally has a full blown melt down like a toddler over the IDEA of getting his blood drawn. No wonder his wife prefers him home only a few days a month

[@codydillard8918]

Can we get some classy 2Bears Whiskey & Cognac glasses?

[@jebediahbrownmit2684]

I love that Bart had no idea they were selling a 2 Bears glass, and no idea how to find the YMH online store, even after Tom reminded him. Thank god for Leanne.

[@Beardlyandrew]

The jigsaw convention is going to turn into the 2 bears convention.

[@hotstankygarbage788]

God man, love the positivity they give each other. How it's like a weird circle of everyone I watch.

[@Hiphopopotomous]

I wonder how many stories we will hear for the 4th time today!

[@ItsJoKeZ]

have you heard the one were bert gets drunk and does something?

[@Frecklefart-90]

I wonder how many more of these r*tarded comments I'll have to read every time a new episode comes out...

[@Hiphopopotomous]

@@ItsJoKeZ did you know Georgia drove fast on a jetski with him?

[@Wnick56]

@@Hiphopopotomous did you know he did a polar plunge after the last episode?

[@lillithremedy]

what about the one where the guy who claims to have never said the n word goes on to say it loads

[@stoneprotech1559]

Enie,s The HOMIE, he knew exactly how to handle that situation….very straight up and FUNNY!!

[@zachleprieur2871]

"A Jackie Chan movie where he goes back to the time of knights called chink in the armour. " Doug Benson

[@TheAaron3dg]

I was SO happy to see the love for Danger Ehren. He really was one of the best parts of Jackass 4!

[@banshackopar]

I kinda love this pod. New listener Bert is the man both r so funny. Thanks

[@lunchboxh]

I’d like to think that when Steve-O told them about Poopies situation, Tom picked up his phone to help him out in some way.

[@notagiantseaslug5523]

He did, Tom was looking up or thinking about looking up his surgeons info, with the intent to give poopies a referral. He even mentioned that to Stevo seconds later.

[@MrCelty4]

Burnt "I sound like air escaping a balloon when I laugh" Chrysler

[@IzzySoDope]

"Apples?" *in unison* "ohhhhh" as a native american i laughed my ass off 😂

[@MrDj8755]

Tim and Brent are the best

[@cmgeisleman9438]

🤣🤣🤣🤣💯👈🏼😉🖕🏼✌🏼

[@LukeTG1TTV]

The camera for this podcast is better than most big budget TV shows. Love this show ☺️

[@kennethbandera3195]

Tom took the words out of my mouth, I would’ve never worn a speedo before but Bert has me convinced I’m missing out 😭😂

[@richardbutkis]

You are. I mean, this dude loves them. kzbin.info/www/bejne/j4HLiY2He6eYe6c

[@zechariahross1444]

Two bears one cave? More like one bear and one bear with down syndrome lmaoooo

[@zackkozel5313]

That “ohhhh” at 19:44 killed me when I realized what it meant 😂

[@cadengeorgeM]

Ymh early releases are the best!

[@whatwhat9599]

Steveo and bert is still the best 15 minutes of podcast ever

[@sm0keyMcP0t420]

The new Jackass movies is hilarious. My favorite bits a lot of time are ones where people didn't even get hurt, like the one where they kill the lights and they think there is a snake in the room, or the taxi cab prank or shitting in a toilet in a hardware store.

[@joegaita32]

The faces Tom makes when Bert called Steve-O is hilarious

[@ItsJoKeZ]

ah my weekly filler before bad friends 🙌🏾

[@budthebud9108]

Every episode of Friends was great writing. If you can't tell I'm being sarcastic

[@x.Aura.x]

black magic mondays

[@Z-pizzle23]

We have the same podcast schedule 👌

[@jamesbaugh981]

I love the constant crossovers here. From Bert interviewing Riley from sailing la vagabonde to them talking about poopies from JOB!! I feel truly seen hahaha!!

[@Dianasviews]

Hot sauce is the best in the early morning 😂 thnx for the early drop🥰 love you bears. ♥️

[@tnntlmmn277]

are you happy that you're included in an inside joke for once?

[@ThatBrittany]

Bert trying to facetime everyone is my favorite thing

[@yoitsvic1126]

What did we do to deserve a new ep an hour earlier?

[@Felipe-ou4jz]

The noise, the hand gesture and the stare into his hand gesture when Tom wants a starting gun! Dang. I spit my drink! That's the Ellis stare 🤣😐

[@DennyBass]

The jigsaw convention gonna be poppin this year.

[@evangiguere6539]

thank you guys for forever changing how i feel about Monday's , love you guys !

[@codysorenson1508]

Tom’s love for violence is way too funny, I’m laughing like he did after showing the auto mechanic getting pinned by that car on YMH “You just made a hundred grand” one of the best pods they have put out these last several weeks!

[@jayfng123]

Good ol Kert Brieschenslesher!

[@ARKHAMxMaverick]

"We could find fun racial slurs" - Brett Crysler.

[@TendoTheDude]

Ahhh that time of the week yet again... my favorite cave with my favorite bears.

[@jakebush4749]

Bert sure is speedin pretty fast. Hope he gets help soon.

[@RentFreeClips1]

Tom laughing after he went "what up stupid" was fucking hilarious

[@jaredjackson3219]

Fat sticks is the funniest nickname of all time 😂

[@radavisss0420]

*talking about Jackass Forever* Brent: “I’m not ruining it because, because there’s no way to ruin it, you have to watch it.” *Proceeds to explain the entire scene.*

[@itsokay7989]

And he was right. You have to see it.

[@101wormwood]

"oh hey wussup? you dont like this?" lol erny cracks me up

[@ponytailjones]

I've literally never in my entire life heard the word 'jig' used as racist slang. I was watching this going 'what the fuck are these guys talking about? Why aren't they just saying 'jig'. It's a common word. It's a type of saw, a type of dance, a type of puzzle, etc. Let's just agree on this; Until Cobble Hill starts writing 'J-word Puzzle' on their packaging, you can say 'jig' out loud.

[@brettpenning]

I have heard that growing up in Michigan towards Asians mostly.

[@nickkerr5714]

@@brettpenning do you mean “zips”?

[@brettpenning]

@@nickkerr5714 that one also

[@tranq5244]

I guess they’re just nervous to say it cuz it’s too close to “jigaboo” but realistically even a sound byte taken out of context of them saying “jig” would have no consequences for the reasons you just listed.

[@leeward6762]

100% me either, I've heard it used several ways but never in a derogatory manner, jig for fish, dance a jig, the jig is up....but never anything negative

[@markmadonna7068]

2 bears always coming in clutch. Love laughing my ass off at work

[@gamblerizzo7468]

When it sounds like Johnny's snoring its bc he's trying to swallow his tongue while unconscious, ALSO Johnny had major cognitive issues for 3 months after that bull hit and couldnt pay attenstion to anything for longer than a few seconds

[@benjamin3290]

I was really critical of the last few episodes. Gotta give you guys credit, nice return to form. I thoroughly enjoyed this one, great stuff guys

[@therealestdealest]

Every week Tim slips one inch closer to reaching across the table and slaughtering Burnt

[@damontaylor42]

Touch my Monday through the fence, its time for another 2 Bears !!

[@Burgerurger911]

I feel obliged to visit the jigsaw convention after laughing this much

[@mgrav2388]

"Keep scrolling Abe" had me dying lmao.

[@whoopshey826]

if Bert is this crazy about speedo's without pay, imagine if they paid him...

[@electricgoose4691]

another master class in "Tom listens". This podcast is one of a kind

[@tommyreed1707]

I'm with Tom, Berts super aggressive nature on calling people and getting them to talk on the face time or the phone, would cringe me so hard.

[@lejamesbron4055]

Like not asking if they are free to go live to 100k plus people

[@8thlvlMage]

Your use of "cringe me" makes me cringe. (So hard.)

[@J4ck1140]

TIM QUIT HORKING RIGHT INTO THE MICROPHONE.

[@fciz2023]

Morning chomos

[@johnvisconti3542]

Bert looked like that uncle who's lap you DO NOT want to sit on when he read that Policy Genius read...🤣

[@dvanlivesnow96]

We caught Native playing favorites & using search terms that would support Tom's argument..... Either that; or we caught him practicing for his next Victoria's Secret Calendar. I'm on the fence, so don't touch my camera. Ta ta there mommy.

[@Martinbrody22]

Classic Abe had to cut our fun with the weird slurs 😂

[@peytonhedwall3206]

I love how bert is still FaceTiming random celebrities. It’s my favorite segment. Steve-O was one of the best so far

[@Spartan2818]

Such passion

[@ryanmuskin729]

Bert was extra levels of ADHD on this one. It’s impossible to listen to him talk when he’s like this

[@shmigod1195]

Yet you still do