Ep 8B: Mediating a Parenting Plan Agreement - Practical Tips on the Mediation Process

Getting to a Settlement and making a Parenting Plan Agreement is a big move. Settling with your ex on a parenting plan is usually a better option than going to Court and having an uninformed judge decide custody. In this episode we discuss practical considerations on the mediation process.
If you're a Father fighting for custody of your kids in Family Court, you've come to the right place! I'm creating this docu-series to help fathers get equal parenting time or primary custody in family court.
I won primary custody, only because of enormous effort. I should have had primary custody on Day 1, but instead it took over 3 years. We shouldn't have to go through that just to be treated as equal parents. My goal is to level the playing field since I found family court is obviously biased against dads. Therefore, I will teach you the strategies I used to win custody. You need to understand the system and how to fight for custody as soon as you can. You can’t wait until the trial is over.
My channel: Father X: How Fathers Can Win Custody
/ @fatherx2022
Subscribe to get updates as I post more tutorial videos. There’s a lot to cover to get you ready for court.
Topics I cover for you:
Episodes 1: Introduction to the Problem of Family Court
Episodes 2: Basics of Physical & Legal Custody, Orders of Protection (Restraining Orders)
Episodes 3: Choosing an Attorney vs. Going Pro Se; Interview Questions; Weaknesses of Family Lawyers; Saving money on lawyers; Secret added costs of family court
Episodes 4: How To “Play Nice” in court. Behavior Strategy
Episodes 5: The Best Interests of the Child
Episodes 6: My First Day in Family Court…and the overall Trial Timeline for 3+ years
Episodes 7: How to Tell If Your Family / Divorce Court Judge is Incompetent or Gender-Biased Against Dads
Episodes 8: Mediation & Custody / Parenting Agreements outside of court
Episodes 9: False Allegations of DV
Episodes 10: Researching Appellate Case Law - this is achievable! Shield yourself from the incompetence and gender bias of family court judges
Episodes 11: Preparing Your Child Custody Case - Testimony, Evidence, & Trial Strategy covering the Best Interests of The Child
Future Episodes:
Episodes 12: Your Mental Preparation - dealing with hopelessness, depression, & anger that family court creates for Dads
Episodes 13: Your Defensive Fortress - protect yourself from false allegations and things that can tank your custody case
Episodes 14: Children’s Services, Police and the Domestic Violence Hotline…handling these other players in the family court arena
Episodes 15: Forensic Evaluation…how to handle
Episodes 16: Your Witnesses and Hers - Choosing and Preparing for them
Episodes 17: Cross Examination: Yours and Hers
Fathers should have equal parenting rights, whether unmarried or going through a divorce. You may be seeking temporary custody, primary custody, joint physical custody, 50/50 parenting, or legal custody. You may or may not want a divorce lawyer or family law attorney. And you may seek out resources from father’s rights advocates.
Ultimately, you need to learn how to win a custody battle as a dad, largely by focusing on the best interests of the child. You are getting a divorce from your ex, not your children. And if you have a Restraining Order or Order of Protection against you, it’s an uphill climb. The silver bullet in family court can be deadly. If restraining orders are based on false allegations, there are ways to turn that around to your advantage. I did. But you must be assertive. And you have to learn how to navigate the forensic evaluation, CPS/ACS children's services investigations, and family law.
I am sorry you are in divorce/family court. But if you think it’s in the best interests of your child for you to have equal or primary custody, I am laying out what I learned into this docu-series, to give you a fighting chance.
#fatherx #fathersrights #familycourt #custodybattle #divorce #familylaw #custody #familylawyer #dadsmatter #divorcelawyer #coparenting #parentingplan #divorcetipsfordads #restrainingorder

[@harremsis]

It's amazing how you held your own. If everybody tells you to settle, it takes a lot of conviction and self-confidence to say no. Respect!

[@FatherX2022]

Thanks, brother!!

[@PhilipX2030]

Brilliant. A psychologist to mediate. That's what we need!

[@FatherX2022]

Yes, From my experience I believe that psychologists are many times more capable of handling these family issues than family court judges. It's not always the case but I think it's often the case. Unfortunately, judges are the ones who can make legally enforceable orders.

[@PhilipX2030]

@@FatherX2022 there are a variety of psychologists at Yale University available - I need to bring them in (begin interviews and select a good one)

[@PhilipX2030]

@@FatherX2022 there's so much that people (me) don't know, that becomes profoundly obvious afterward

[@FatherX2022]

Exactly! If you knew all you needed to know on Day 1...instead of learning it during year 2,3 of the process, you'd be much better off. That's one of the reasons behind my video series. To make guys more informed much earlier in the process.

[@wretchlikeme2506]

Awesome🎉🎉🎉🎉 my judge right now is bias to the mom. I'm in a CPS hearing where the mom is the offending parent and not in compliance but then her associate judge has me be approved as having the only conversatorship and she has no conservatorship. And now we're going into CPS mediation which is a bit different but I won't let myself back down and doing all my homework to explain all I have seen and what's in the best interest of the child. CPS loves me as of yet but still has grace for the mom I just don't know what to expect. But thanks for making the video it is encouraging

[@FatherX2022]

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you might be in an OK position for now. And, like you said, you have to focus and close this deal... Because you can't take anything for granted and you never know how these people will make a decision. Best of luck to you and your kid. It's all about our kids.

[@FatherX2022]

A big factor in whether or not both parents can settle on a Parenting Plan is whether they are in a low versus high conflict relationship. I was in a classic high conflict case. If you are in a low conflict case, you stand a better chance of negotiating reasonable terms. Either way, I encourage you to at least try to mediate, to stay out of court. I encourage you to settle only if the terms are in the best interests of your kids...and acceptable to both parents. You will have to live with the terms of your settlement for a long time. Good luck!

[@blackmack9985]

My story is exactly like yours. Would you be willing to speak with me? I'm on east coast time. We have a lot in common.

[@blackmack9985]

I enjoy the videos too

[@FatherX2022]

@@blackmack9985 Thanks. If you are still in the battle, stay strong. Otherwise, I hope you have come out clean on the other side of this. I chat with dads often about these topics. Feel free to set up a time on my calendly link: calendly.com/fatherx/30minutes

[@blackmack9985]

@FatherX2022 still in the trenches. I really just want to coparent but it's too difficult because she is bitter

[@Daytonaman675]

classic high conflict - shes destroyed millions of dollars worth of business value. Lied about me "stalking her" and has lied about just about everything to the court.

[@jaecapers8421]

Definitely in a high conflict, because my ex’s mother is a narcissist and she can’t stand me, my ex is listening to everything she’s saying… mediation was a joke as well, my lawyer and the mediator were buddies and knew each other, they tried to get me to take $600 a month, no decision making, no visitation in daycare and just standard possession… mind you I haven’t seen our daughter in going on 4 months and my ex just moved out in august when I was at work, even removed her from our previous daycare without notice

[@FatherX2022]

Thanks for sharing your story. So many lawyers and mediators love to just Settle for standard possession.... Because it's the status quo factory output. But the real question is what's best for the child and not what's best for the mother. You might be the only one in this story who can differentiate those 2 things. Stay strong.

[@chime-girl]

Kudos to you for being a real parent! Wish this had been in place in my case in 1974. Speaking as an adult child who was parentally abducted. It would have saved me a lot of heartache had my parents put something like this in place and considered doing what's right for the child instead of them.

[@FatherX2022]

Amen, sister. 🙏 It has to be all about the kids, and not the parents. And it's usually simple to come up with an agreement where the child benefits from living with both parents. It may not be easy to get to an agreement and then to execute it...but it's a simple concept. Need both parents to have that same mindset. Sorry that you yourself had to go through that parental chaos.

[@robertarroyo1075]

Thank you for this channel and these videos it’s exactly what I was looking for it’s very difficult to find help on situations like this I’m going through this I was the security blanket for my daughter and rn she’s getting her way

[@FatherX2022]

Thanks for sharing your story. Glad the videos are helpful for you. Best of luck to you and your daughter. 🙏

[@harremsis]

My experience is that if both sides have a good lawyer (i.e., one that also has the interests of the child in mind) that even the lawyers can negotiate a decent agreement. But that constellation is probably rare.

[@FatherX2022]

Thanks for sharing. Hope you are well. I agree that negotiating a decent agreement can be easy if both parents want similar things and have low conflict. And many parents do settle out of court. But I question whether those settlements are in the best interest of the child...or if they're settled under duress. I'm concerned about the many times that a father settles to be an alternate weekend, non-custodial parent...when he wants to be, and can be, a 50/50 or primary custodial parent. Many dads settle for that because they are constantly told that family court will just rubberstamp the mother and make the father a non-custodial parent anyway. And court actually does that. Many dads have little hope in fighting that broken system. So they quit under duress. I don't think anybody in the family court system has ever taken accountability for how their decisions and routine bias against dads negatively influence the many settlements negotiated out of court.

[@harremsis]

@@FatherX2022 Your video did make me question whether I settled for less than I should have. I'm convinced that for our son a 50/50 parenting situation would be best. Our situation back then (2022) was that the mother filed for sole custody (specifically right to determine the domicile of the child) because she wanted to move to a different country (about 500km away). She had already signed a work contract, and was unemployed before. I was told that, if I don't agree to the move, a long and expensive legal process would have been the result, at the end of which I would probably lose that part of custody. So I offered to agree to the move if I could see our son at least 10 days out of every month, and she would bring him to me (I'd bring him back). Surprisingly, the mother agreed. I realized later that she didn't think she would need to adhere to the agreement (as soon as she had moved, she filed for a change so that I could see our son only on 1 weekend per month...but the agreement still held up in court). It's a complicated, high-conflict situation but I'm learning a lot from it. And your videos definitely have given me a lot of hope and strength. Thank you so much, brother!

[@FatherX2022]

You're very welcome. When we all go through this the first time, nobody tells us all the pros and cons of each path, what all the real options are, or how a manipulative person can derail your plan. So I highlight a lot of that throughout my videos to give you things to think about. So sorry you are in the middle of it. Journey well, my friend...

[@Divorce_DE]

Indeed the darkest days of your life. Will you make a video detailing more of your testimony? Because for a lot of us the abuse happened behind closed doors. We've tolerated a lot and didn't report or started creating a history.

[@FatherX2022]

Great question. Yes, when I get to the section on preparing your testimony, I will go into deeper examples of my testimony. There is more detail to come, but I have started to touch on this in Episode 5C. And in episode 6A, where I discuss the domestic violence in my home, that whole video is like an outline of how I presented my testimony, in linear time....except that I provided much more blow by blow detail in my testimony. So look at episode 6A as a sample outline to start with. In episode 6B and 6C...the 1st day in court... I discuss a lot of sample arguments and testimony to use. In 6C, my slides show examples of good testimony versus weak testimony.

[@FatherX2022]

Check out the newly released Episode 9A, where I detail much of my testimony to the district attorney, and how it got the false criminal charges dismissed. Maybe it will help you think about how to present your own case.

[@Divorce_DE]

@@FatherX2022 Thank you so much. I will study it attentively.

[@SK-vi9jb]

Revealing her lies, false accusation and police report during the mediation, didn't take it to domestic violence?

[@FatherX2022]

That's right, we had many mediation discussions and I brought up her lies and false police report, as well as her domestic violence against me. She showed no remorse at all and no recognition of her criminal behavior. She just ignored all of it, just like the judge was doing inside the courtroom. It was frustrating but I learned something. I learned she was completely morally bankrupt. And that drove me to fight for and protect my son even more. I gave her plenty of opportunity to admit and hold herself accountable for her crimes. She chose not to. And there were consequences.