Erin Anastasia - "Did the Therapy Work?"

Erin Anastasia competes in Jersey Shore Slam's WOWPS Qualifier.
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"Did the Therapy Work?"
My mom asks me how I’m feeling
I know what she means is
did the therapy work?
I tell her:
I’m feeling better, but sometimes it gets bad again.
what I should have told her
is that
it’s roller coaster
it’s Charles Dickens best of times, worst of times
it’s I used up all the free sessions
and I’m not sure if I’m gonna need more
it’s one step forward two steps back
two steps forward one steps back
it’s peaks and pits
it’s flat chested and tits
it’s tits.
it’s I don’t know what you want me to say
it’s I’m sorry,
it’s I wish that I could tell you that I’m okay
because more often than not, I am.
But I have to work really, really hard for it to be that way,
and on the days that I’m too exhausted to fight the thoughts away
I’m really, really, not, okay.
Lately, I started thinking back to days of cheerleading
and this one choreographer that told us about
this game he’d play with his friends
how if they spotted each other out in public
they’d make the other one do a standing back tuck.
He said one time he was in flip-flops,
waiting in line for a Big Mac,
but he landed it.
And it wasn’t until he could do it anywhere,
anytime, that he knew he had it.
I often wonder about what skills I have,
versus, which skills I occasionally land.
Last week I got off the subway in a place I’ve never been before
I spent three minutes trying to find the exit
then, one minute with my back pressed against the wall
trying to make the colors stop shouting at me
I side-line cheerleaded my mind back to reality
turned the corner and, found the exit.
The cool city air rushed down a flight of stairs
and into my lungs
and I could breathe again.
Once I got home I wondered what would have happened
if I was lost for ten minutes, instead of three.
Mommy,
The therapy worked for me
in the sense that it did its job.
But its job was never to cure me.
this, is going to be
a bit of a journey.
One that requires me to land tricks unexpectedly
and sometimes I’m gonna land them
and sometimes I’m gonna land on my knees.
And I need
you to know
that this struggle
is not one that ends so easily
because it doesn’t end
it doesn’t end
it doesn’t-

[@ErinAnastasia]

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[@ThisisAidan]

This moved me so much. Something so many people don't understand is that therapy doesn't "cure" you. It's a long process, and it's often three steps forward and two steps back. Thank you for sharing this!

[@ErinAnastasia]

[@totalweirdo8538]

I relate to this far too much for a 14 year old. Gorgeous.

[@kaitlynlane9143]

Same

[@horsecrazy2266]

I'm sorry, darlings. Stay strong xx

[@serena8392]

I was in my room writing when you uploaded this so I took a break, thoroughly inspired as always, beautiful. Isn't it amazing how pain can create such moving pieces? I relate to this very much. Writers I feel are often more emotional, more vulnerable, more exposed to suffering. But in the end, I think it makes us better and stronger people who can inspire others even more.

[@ErinAnastasia]

+serenamusing

[@kaylynpingel3350]

Thank you for this video. It was beautiful, I've been having troubles explaining my mental health to my family because they think it's like a broken leg where therapy lessons are a cast to heal my mind in 2-3 months.

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Kaylyn Elizabeth I'm glad you can relate. It's tough, it's a process, but I know I've come so far already, and have hope for myself and for you as well

[@alexkeith1847]

Perfect. You poems are inspiring no matter the emotion. I skip many videos on my feed but I always find a moment for yours. It's like for once someone else does the work explaining how I feel. Thanks!

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Alex Keith thank you Alex for taking the time to watch my poetry

[@HarRaven]

This poem was so beautifully written~ I can very much relate its words. I listened with open eyes and the remembrance that we aren't alone in this world :')

[@SmartMan1st1]

Is it possible to just like..:forever, and over and over?! And also to just shove this in everyone's mind so that they will finally understand what it's like to go to therapy?! Bless you Erin for the marvelous work you do!!

[@edhalbe4072]

You and Watsky always give me hope. I try to write, and I tend to fail. Yet seeing things like this, gives me the hope that one day I can be a poet who makes people feel things.

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Ed Halbe Keep writing. Everyone starts somewhere. And Watsky is one of the reasons I'm a poet

[@michelleryan3]

I love that she cheered it makes it so much more relatable

[@youknowthemroundcirclethin9036]

I'm lucky I found you Erin 😉 so close to the end 🙂! Thank you 💋

[@ryleemiller5732]

I love your work so much! Every time I'm almost in tears, I listen to your poetry everyday

[@ErinAnastasia]

Rylee Miller 💜💜💜

[@milissaklein9706]

i loved this so much. kinda made me tear up not gonna lie! i relate to this and many other probably do as well...thank you so much for sharing this!!

[@ErinAnastasia]

+milissa klein

[@Jakemwarren2000]

Fabulous it was fabulous mrs. Erin Anastasia

[@roshithesayian6801]

Thank you and I wish I could give you a standing ovation but I hope this will do bc this is the closest to an answer and simply the questions and situations in life that really never has an ending but always now which can feel like an eternity, with or with out hope we have the keys we or I just have to open the right door for the light to shine again....life is hard but is sure is never gonna get any easier 😅😀😇

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Roshi the Sayian This will definitely do =) And always have hope

[@sarahumphreville4088]

I love your work, it's immensely moving

[@user-iz2dl6sp5f]

amazing ! I do write some poems but they could never be as amazing as your poems

[@BohemianKitsch]

brilliant.

[@huntermeek7450]

HOLY HELL THIS IS AMAZING! I really learned a lot about recovery for mental illness. Thank you for sharing your story. (Beautiful metaphor about landing tricks, by the way.)

[@resilientwriter]

This is incredible! Erin, I love the way you deliver your poems and the way that you word everything. Your topics are always so amazing. My favorite part of this poem was the fact that you say "It doesn't end" That's something I'm learning through therapy and life. You can't be cured, all you can do is learn how to better deal with things. It's a harsh reality, but one people that struggle with things that have put them in therapy have to accept. Thank you for sharing this! (:

[@ErinAnastasia]

Thank you so much Sabrina! I'm glad you could connect to this. And yes, once I accepted that this is something I have to deal with in different degrees, rather than something I'd be over and done with, I felt a lot better about my recovery and didn't feel like a failure every time I "relapsed" into dangerous thought patterns or depressed moods

[@resilientwriter]

+Erin Anastasia It's strange how hearing "You're never going to be better" is somehow one of the most helpful things when in therapy. It hit me like a bus at first, but accepting it has definitely helped!

[@ErinAnastasia]

everyone has struggles. some struggle harder than others, and for longer or shorter periods of time. I think awareness is so important in healing. Being aware of our own tendencies, and looking out for others as well.

[@giulianomoschetti7060]

Very nice

[@kayliemancino6269]

simply amazing

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Kaylie Mancino Thank you

[@jordy13xoxo17]

I had to leave the living room so I could cry

[@ErinAnastasia]

[@kaylabrown1814]

👏

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Kayla Brown =)

[@karinaromero1936]

you reminded me of Eminem glad I came across your channel.

[@ErinAnastasia]

Lol that’s a first! Haha thank you

[@SmartMan1st1]

Is it possible to just like..:forever, and over and over?! And also to just shove this in everyone's mind so that they will finally understand what it's like to go to therapy?! Bless you Erin for the marvelous work you do!!

[@ErinAnastasia]

+SmartMan1st1 thank you. and yes, feel free to shove it in faces =) or maybe just share it on social media =P