Erin Anastasia - "Reasons Not To" (WOWPS 2016)

Erin Anastasia competes in prelims at WOWPS 2016.
Recorded at Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, NY.
Thank you Sergio Torres for filming.
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"Reasons Not To"
Because my bed is way too comfy to leave it.
Because I’d have to turn on the lights
and this hour is one that’s too late to be lit up anyway.
Because I'll feel guilty in the morning.
Because it’s not going to stop this hurt
from coming back again.
Because if someone sees what I’ve done
they’ll look at me a certain way.
Because I don’t want to be looked at that way.
Because if I go deep enough to draw blood
I’ll have to find a band-aid.
Because I don’t think we have any band-aids.
Because any reason is a good enough reason not to.
Because I don’t want to
Because even though I know this anger needs an exit
and I could so easily carve it one
I’ll let it stay
I’ll let it wreck something else
like my stomach
or my sleep
but I’ll save my body,
maybe because it’s the only part of me
that you can see
but then again, maybe because it is me,
It's on my side in this fight
and I can't keep treating it like the enemy,
because my strength is stronger
than this pain is painful
because the only way I want my mom to find out
is from my mouth
telling her about this thing that I used to do.
because if I can make it one month,
six months,
one year,
I can be proud enough
to remain in my bed
on the darkest of nights
and not turn on the lights
clutching excuses in my hands
no matter bullshit or legitimate
because any reason
is a good enough reason not to.

[@ErinAnastasia]

ORDER MY POETRY BOOK HERE: goo.gl/HDtsZt

[@annaliselovesyoux]

"Because my strength is stronger than this pain is painful" Thank you so much for this.

[@ErinAnastasia]

+av alvarez

[@izzylinc4800]

I'm 2.5 years free in January but I needed this again today. Thank you for saving me then and now. It's not always so easy to think of reasons not to. ❤

[@ErinAnastasia]

That’s incredible to hear! 💕 so proud of you

[@lakis2332]

Beautiful

[@wassopicasso8412]

Im bawling. Especially "The only way my mom will find out..."

[@serenadavies6782]

This poem is something everyone should hear. Thank you for saying though, it is such a weird pride I get from being so upset and angry and being able to resist it. I think this poem sums up all that twisted emotion beautifully and eloquently. Thank you again for voicing such a personal topic that bonds so many of us. Hearing that others understand and are strong enough to voice it is so heart warming.

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Serena Davies

[@hollydavis9683]

Serena Davies I agree. Thank u for ur comment :)

[@Sierrakindadraws]

I started sobbing half way through this because everything you said was everything I needed to hear. thank you. I'm currently 6 months clean and lately I've been looking for excuses to do it or not to do it but I have kept my strength.

[@ErinAnastasia]

+MeowImmaCatDernSure stay strong

[@joannakristmann5393]

thank you

[@natasha5138]

Thank you Erin

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Natasha

[@abigailcoleofficial]

It is 1:31am and I came to this video to remind myself why I stay clean. I have seen it so many times throughout the years that I have it memorized and on nights like these it keeps me going. Thank you

[@ErinAnastasia]

Abby Cole you don’t know how happy that makes me to hear. We all have weak moments, but it’s so rewarding to know you passed through it and stayed strong. Keep going 💕

[@stefaniascheffler2052]

I love you so much thank you so much for this 💙

[@blakejohnson9483]

I was 1 month clean when I first found this video. I made it to three months. Until last week. But now I'm back to one week. And I use every reason. The fact that it will stain my underwear when I bend my hips, because my mother counts her razors, because I haven't finished that netflix series, because I'm tired of being that girl who cuts. This poem is probably my favorite of your poems Erin. Thanks for making this 14 year old feel slightly less lost..

[@ErinAnastasia]

I made it since the writing of this poem, up until a few weeks ago. I know what it's like to break. You may feel like you've failed yourself. But any day can be a new starting point. Thank you for sharing your reasons with me. They're pretty great ones =) Stay strong.

[@joosjekoop7984]

I notice myself always coming back to watch this because it's so good. You are honestly so inspirational for my own poetry and my personal strength and I want to thank you for that. You are awesome.

[@ErinAnastasia]

[@sarahh.7038]

I don’t know why I’m crying I’ve watched this like 1,000 times before. 2 weeks from now I’ll be 1 year clean (again) and I just want to say thank you for all of the amazing poetry to listen to during the hard days. My family doesn’t know about my self harm. And one day I wish to be clean enough from it that I’m comfortable sharing with them “as something I used to do” because that’s the only way I want them to find out.

[@ErinAnastasia]

Sarah H. One year clean is an amazing achievement and I’m so proud of you! Stay strong! As someone who is probably a few years clean now, I still have hard days and weak moments, but it does get easier over time 💕

[@llksquad2257]

when you were about to cry i cried you are absolutely amazing

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Robin OBryant

[@kaylynpingel3350]

I cried. Thank you. This poem is so needed in this world so thank you for creating it

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Kaylyn Elizabeth

[@spookithefourth9350]

Nice

[@torivalliant4617]

As someone who is trying to come out of an 8 year addiction to cutting, thank you from the depths of my heart for this poem.

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Tori Valliant

[@attackofthevapers]

Any reason is a good enough reason not to.

[@BohemianKitsch]

your rawness is a portrait of the world i wish i lived in.

[@ErinAnastasia]

Want more of my poetry? Be sure to subscribe!

[@SmartMan1st1]

Erin, I'm certain that you slayed their ears like you slayed mine. You always know how to reduce me to tears because you just get how I feel. This was so deep, and so...just right! Gahhhh! You are an amazing poet and it's so good and so true it hurts!

[@ErinAnastasia]

+SmartMan1st1

[@lcurrant4565]

Truthful. Impacting. Amazing.

[@Gorillaz2024]

I feel like I wrote this. I feel like this was plucked from the depths of my journal that I never confessed.

[@seenaplumb2968]

a year later and I still find myself coming back. slowing weaning myself off this strange habit I picked up. thank you Erin. you are a phenomenal woman, whom I've found myself looking to you for guidance, for comfort, when I couldn't find it anywhere else.

[@ErinAnastasia]

Seena Plumb that's awesome. So glad I could help. Keep at it! 💜

[@izzymiller7324]

This has me in tears. I'm so upset by how much I relate to this but I'm so happy to have found something I know I can watch when I need a reason not to.

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Izzy Miller

[@ymeldavanhensbergen6778]

That was beautiful, powerful.. I didn't know words could be that strong. Thank you.

[@elishamiyahira4301]

What a brave voice. You are beautiful and full of light.

[@nicolegil19]

This is just awesome and beautiful just a wonderful job👏🏻💯

[@micahmorbs]

Oh my gosh. This is truly what I feel. You're so awesome Erin! Keep shining!

[@ebonywalker6813]

I really needed this...Thank you so much

[@ErinAnastasia]

+ebony walker

[@caseyholt1822]

honestly I just keep coming back to your poems all the time over and over, it's just addictive, unable to stay away

[@fxckmegan7841]

Your poem helps me get through the hardest moments of everyday . Thank you

[@amykeoughdaneshmand9966]

I love your poetry 💕 it captures emotion so well

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Amy Keough Thank you Amy, very kind of you to say =)

[@kimberlyhart3739]

Love, love, love this!

[@ErinAnastasia]

+kimberly hart That's exactly what I wanted this to be. Thank you

[@phoenixthekilljoysinner3460]

Thank you for this.❤️

[@roshithesayian6801]

So true and I can say that this resonates with me whenever I doubt about changing myself and consequences that follow 🤕👏🏽💫

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Roshi the Sayian

[@shawnneiland4988]

Just binge watched all of your poems, they are honestly so so beautiful I'm so so grateful I stumbled across your channel. Thank you so much for sharing I wish you the very very very best 💜

[@ErinAnastasia]

Thank you

[@lydiboo464]

Erin, you are such a talented poet. I got chills from this poem and it hit me deeply in a place that many other pieces of art have a hard time even finding. I really needed to hear this poem right now. I am really grateful for you. So thank you so very much.

[@kaykaydiazkd]

i needed this.

[@gabrielahupp6262]

Stunning words and beautiful delivery. Thank you for creating this because I don't think any poem has resonated this deeply with me before. I only wish that I could have found you and your words 2 years ago when I was looking for a reason not to but couldn't find one. Thank you again

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Gabriela Hupp Well if you ever find yourself in need of some words again, you know this is here =) I'm glad to know it resonated with you =)

[@gingertori6190]

That was amazing. something that need to be said and you said it so perfectly. you took something that most people can not even talk about, something that can't be put into words and you made a lullaby for all of our hearts. I love your poems so much, thank you so much for them.

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Victoria Stone Oh wow, such a kind comment, thank you Victoria, much love

[@Mads_L_M]

It’s coming on the end of my 3rd year clean, I started self harming at 6, I’m 19 now, I’m so proud of myself, I have to remind myself every day to not give in

[@stg8361]

You're so so amazing. Thank you thank you so much for staying that, you are so strong and thank you for helping me to be at least a little bit stronger and not to do it this time

[@ErinAnastasia]

estoo G stay strong! 💜

[@leonie7162]

First of all: two new poems😍👏 You're such a good poet, and so powerful! I can feel the emotions through the screen. Your poems have already helped me through a lot and I listen to them almost every day. Thank you for everything!

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Leolister136x

[@romanf.7837]

Your poems are so nice! I love them so much! 💙

[@resilientwriter]

So so so beautiful, Erin! It was hard not to tear up at this. I was never big on cutting self-harm, but I took to self-harm in different ways. This so accurately described the feelings someone has when trying to convince themselves not to. Wowowow. Thank you.

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Spoken Word Poetry By Sabrina Schlichting

[@aejadillon4971]

wow im crying.

[@lydsk-w345]

Sobbing now

[@mattdexter2211]

wow! awesome

[@breaziabourg271]

Thank you for this poem. Its beautiful. I have stopped cutting but everytime i see something that i could use i have to phsically stop mysel. I dont even shave anymore Because the temptation is to much. Thank you for giving me something to hold onto.

[@edgaralenjo3722]

Erin, I've just discovered your channel and I aspire for your eloquence.

[@ErinAnastasia]

+edgar alen jo oh wow! hooray! I'm eloquent!

[@edgaralenjo3722]

+Erin Anastasia I was wondering if there was an email address or PO box at which I could reach you? I have some poems but I'm not good at speaking.

[@ErinAnastasia]

sure! I have a Facebook page where I like to talk to people via messages: facebook.com/Erin-Anastasia-1613796185572845/ and I also have an email, but I check that less frequently: [e-mail]

[@hunterbenson754]

Does anyone know what the song at the end is?

[@ErinAnastasia]

"Window" by The Album Leaf

[@hunterbenson754]

Thank erin. Your talent is truly remarkable. This one resonates with me, especially.

[@ErinAnastasia]

[@margaretbartimole6710]

Your poetry makes me feel so many feelings, I loved this! Also I messaged you on Facebook a couple of months ago about using your poetry in a high school poetry circle and wanted to tell you your poems inspired amazing discussions and work. Thank you for your words.

[@ErinAnastasia]

+Margaret Bartimole Hi Margaret! That's so awesome to know! Makes me happy =)

[@lordofthememes7983]

This poem is beautiful and I wish that the people in the background looked away from their phones long enough to marvel at the vines of words, growing like wildflowers.

[@jonklone4561]

New sub, love your poetry X

[@Ifeelitinmyboner]

What is the music that plays at the end of the poem? It goes so well with your words

[@ishi1518]

i thought WOWP stood for Wizards of Waverly Place XD im so dumb. But great poem :) You're like my favourite poet

[@ErinAnastasia]

lol I never realized the acronym was so similar! and thank you

[@angievitro7599]

I’m 92 days clean… I really want to cut I find myself coming back to this video it saves me from my blade and myself because I want to be better even though I’m not but I try my best

[@angelinelee8718]

can someone show me the light and enlighten me of the meaning of this poem? please. thank you

[@ErinAnastasia]

It is a list of reasons not to self-harm.

[@angelinelee8718]

Ohh okay! Thank you so much

[@ErinAnastasia]

no problem!

[@Just-Darcy]

53 days clean 💕

[@ErinAnastasia]

+AGactress14 congratulations

[@freyagoodyear7034]

I loved this one so much. I am 2 months clean today and I am so fucking happy that I made it this far.

[@watercolorskies]

oh my god...

[@robotnutz3601]

What is this poem about, drugs? (sorry I'm a heterosexual conservative male but even I thought this was good).

[@superhuman_bean5731]

I'm pretty sure it's about self-harm.

[@Gorillaz2024]

Harder to rationalize at 4am...

[@brittanyhoward430]

Because I need to prove to myself I can do it. Because we already lost my 14 yr old cousin to suicide. Because my nephew needs me. Because I lost my stepmom to suicide. Because I lost my best friend to suicide. Because my friend needs me. Because my brother needs me. Because I am loved. Because I deserve to live.

[@imvanessadiaz1029]

Thank you for this.❤