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Erin Anastasia competes in prelims at WOWPS 2016.
Recorded at Pratt Institute in Brooklyn, NY.
Thank you Sergio Torres for filming.
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"Reasons Not To"
Because my bed is way too comfy to leave it.
Because I’d have to turn on the lights
and this hour is one that’s too late to be lit up anyway.
Because I'll feel guilty in the morning.
Because it’s not going to stop this hurt
from coming back again.
Because if someone sees what I’ve done
they’ll look at me a certain way.
Because I don’t want to be looked at that way.
Because if I go deep enough to draw blood
I’ll have to find a band-aid.
Because I don’t think we have any band-aids.
Because any reason is a good enough reason not to.
Because I don’t want to
Because even though I know this anger needs an exit
and I could so easily carve it one
I’ll let it stay
I’ll let it wreck something else
like my stomach
or my sleep
but I’ll save my body,
maybe because it’s the only part of me
that you can see
but then again, maybe because it is me,
It's on my side in this fight
and I can't keep treating it like the enemy,
because my strength is stronger
than this pain is painful
because the only way I want my mom to find out
is from my mouth
telling her about this thing that I used to do.
because if I can make it one month,
six months,
one year,
I can be proud enough
to remain in my bed
on the darkest of nights
and not turn on the lights
clutching excuses in my hands
no matter bullshit or legitimate
because any reason
is a good enough reason not to.