Estranged Parents, An Epidemic of Entitlement

[@FarHowling]

The mental gymnastics. She doesn't respond to a text her daughter poured her heart into about serious mental health issues, but then turns around and is suddenly flabbergasted that her daughter doesn't respond to her generic happy birthday text

[@metamorphstorm]

I feel like this is about me and my mother, haha

[@wildfire9280]

She didn’t even TRY, it’s incredible! “Received”??? “RECEIVED”?!?!?

[@stoneneils]

Generic lines are worse than no acknowledgemnt at all. I left my family AND religion specifically because when my brother died every atheist spoke to me like a caring human while literally every religious person from the major three religions just rattled off a few generic prayers or lines of conolences never asking anything about how i was doing, feeling, what happened, etc. I realied they weren't religious..they weren't caring or empathic..they were pre-programmed robots!! My major trauma is from religion, being forced into believeiing and attending what meant nothing to me because my parents were not religious at all behind closed doors..it was total hypocrisy.

[@radschele1815]

​@wildfire9280 I mean that would be fine if you first see it, and are overwhelmed, tbh. But as the only answer and then pretend it didn't happen? Nah, the mother prefers to save herself and her picture of herself than to be a mother her child needs

[@mollygrace3068]

That was the part that got me over to the daughter’s side. I (thankfully) have a good relationship with my adult daughter, but if I received an email like that I’d be ON the phone with her, booking a flight if I had to to see her and understand where that was coming from.

[@toenail4437]

genuinely horrifying how in one breath this woman is crying about how she "did her best" and how she was a "good mom" and then proceeds to villainize her daughter, insult her hobbies, cyberstalk her social media, publicly humiliate her, violate her privacy and out her stigmatized diagnosis to the entire internet for pity is genuinely insane. zero boundaries. i am so glad this poor girl got away from these people and i hope that she is able to file some sort of restraining order

[@idontevenknow9758]

Its horrifying yeah, I think while she may be a "parent" she not capable of being a good mom right now. She's got too much to unpack and not enough insight to realize what she is doing is pushing her daughter away.

[@calvinware7957]

No good parent ever says they were a good parent. Good parents notice every mistake and flaws they had and see that shit in their child

[@jaspern.7702]

This woman is a spawn point, not a mother.

[@jacquelinezr]

Exactly!!! When I saw her video, 1000 red flags shot up. I understand totally why her daughter wants nothing to do with her. Manipulative, judgmental and uses guilt to get her way. A pretty crappy person all around, and yet totally oblivious to her role in anything.

[@RozenGermain]

@@jaspern.7702 She is the definition of an egg donor.

[@Ico_]

So basically.. Because the mom feels and think she got "disrespect" from her daughter.. She decided to do a whole public humiliation. Gotcha.

[@jd3666]

yes and no... i have watched maybe 4 reviews of this parent group. i believe diane and her husband (who is the step father?) were/are involved in content creation management or something. They were managing youtube channels and maybe doing some of there own. so not only is it a content farm this is Kardashian style... its content farm #7.

[@Ico_]

@@jd3666 Watching the whole thing.. When the mom does talk about her daughter, she seems so bitter that she's doing better on her own (having popularity and praise on tiktok for her work) than being popular thanks to her mom and dad. That is pure narcissism. She feels disrespected because her daughter isn't under theirs influence. Kind of reminds me Venus Angelic or eugenia Cooney in a way.

[@markarca6360]

She is more concerned for her reputation than her daughter's welfare and happiness. What a shame.

[@marthac.l.3938]

She humilliated herself. The only people who can't see the reason why her daughter went no contact are people just as entitled as that woman.

[@tgF321jikko]

The fact that she did this on her daughter's birthday says it all

[@Neimi_Lelnuie]

"The axe forgets, the tree remembers. "

[@eyesofthecervino3366]

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[@nevtheskid4579]

Pepperidge Farm remembers

[@flickrennels]

Omg - love this

[@colinejayne]

Wow, where is this from?

[@icravedeath.1200]

Very phantasy star pfp

[@reyrapids63]

The very simple reality is this: is she actually wanted to fix her relationship with her daughter, she would do it in private, not publicly online.

[@theghoulishgrabber]

Exactly. She is doing this to humiliate her daughter.

[@Miata-gp5bp]

That's my mother trying to humiliate me in front of my teacher. And she even told me that to make me insecure. Luckily my teacher still treated me the same. My mother is disgusting. My mother says nasty shit about me to others but think she's still a good mom? I'm about to puke.

[@laurenbeals705]

YESSSS!!! Making those videos were for her to REGAIN CONTROL of the narrative & gain sympathy. And to regain control over the situation by again, controlling the narrative and then justifying and manipulating like “Look __incase you see this, how you feel about me is WRONG. Your perception is WRONG. See? Look at all the positive things people are saying to defend me and those who aren’t are WRONG, and crazy, and (insert any and all gaslighting, devaluating invalidation and further dismiss how she would feel about this)

[@spicytuna62]

Yeah, this lady needs a therapist, not a KZbin channel.

[@TheTruthx58]

​@@spicytuna62she needs jail time.

[@gigidayz6936]

"Children are not brought into this world with a future obligation". Oh this statement is SO spot on.

[@LooneyClipse]

nor do you choose your family. It is insane how easy it is to manipulate children just cause of ''obligation''. It is one thing to be obedient for sake of survival, other to finally grow out of it, earn some power and finally choose your own future.

[@gatordragon6140]

Yeah, i never understood why a lot of parents seem to think the kid is obligated to do literally everything they say. sadly i was brought into this world to be obligated to take care of everyone when they get older so they wouldn't have to go to the old folks home, the looks on their faces when they realized i wasnt going to do that and it was waaayyy too late to try and back peddle and manipulate me was priceless though lol

[@CHiCguitar]

I always say "no one asked to be born." We're born with people expecting things and proposing futures for us. I don't owe you because YOU chose to have me. If you're having kids because you want someone to take care of you when you're older, you are not having kids for the right reason.

[@lizstuartperry]

@@CHiCguitar I think people have lost perspective and think they are much more lone egos than members of a family group and a society. Mental health isn't improving with this kind of lack of loyalty to those that welcomed you to this life and cared for you when you could not care for yourself. To criticize the job they did with distain and glee is abhorent.

[@forgenorman3025]

@@lizstuartperry Why should we have to put up with abuse from people who brought us into this world? Where's their loyalty to their children? Why are you defending abuse?

[@sportyanimallovingchar2447]

Imagine making your whole online personality that your kid hates you

[@Frommerman]

Massive self-own

[@danielludwig647]

Very much the same energy as Graham Linehan and Elon Musk becoming extremely and publicly divorced.

[@spOOkytimes]

And finding community steeped in bitterness and martyrdom.

[@morganqorishchi8181]

It gets her attention. She wants attention at all costs. Nothing is too degrading, embarrassing or pathetic if it means she'll get eyes on her.

[@lllorenz]

Don't worry, she is probably also a conspiracy Theorist. They usually are

[@p0Rp]

I love how she said she "isn't very political" but then goes on a random tirade about how the government is conspiring to break down the family unit, and blames that on why her daughter won't talk to her. What an extremely normal and unpolitical take on this circumstance.

[@johnblood10]

Yep. Also, to be “apolitical” or centrist in the United States is to be morally equivalent to a right-winger. Of course she’s apolitical; she’s a wealthy old white lady. She has the luxury of being apolitical.

[@Illier1]

That's almost always the conservative strategy. They know socially its almost a death sentence to admit you're a conservative, especially online. So they pretend they aren't political while spouting all sorts of far right nonsense.

[@lolkthnxbai]

They're silicon valley right wingers, I've lived here long enough to know the kind. Essentially closer to libertarian because they support gay marriage and all that but NIMBY and crazy anti government beliefs and parenting.

[@derpkipper]

Lmao I was just thinking the same thing

[@nukeit1526]

Blaming her daughter ignoring her on the government is significantly easier than realizing and self reflecting on the fact that you were in fact a terrible parent to your daughter because its no longer your fault if its the government causing all your family issues.

[@bffr510]

I've noticed a theme that when the child finally stands their ground, the parent flips from sad to bitter. From appearing hurt to turning cruel.

[@ellyk8834]

Yeah... I'm hurt and when that doesn't get the desired result I'll turn cruel and nasty and name-calling and rude. But that's not part of why my child avoids me, right? No... Estranged parents that's not 'part of the reason' - it's the lions share of it - your $hity f^cking attitude...

[@Couscous77]

When i set boundaries to talk with the imposter using active listening, openness, vulnerability, and honesty he then started conversations by saying “I don’t care what you think just do what I say.” That was the last conversation I will ever have with him.

[@allytay208]

Like standing their ground over what? What are these parents doing?

[@rosebud-ame]

@@allytay208Like when a parent is calling you names and a child says I won’t let you call me names any more! The child finally stands her/his ground.

[@bffr510]

@allytay208 standing ground as in not allowing a false family narrative to continue. Ignoring abuse, lying to the children about family dynamics, withholding information, etc. These are all reasons a child would want to separate. I think a lot of it has to do with a refusal to see the various negative aspects within a family.

[@---wq9xp]

Cinema Therapy said something along the lines of "when you're a parent, you have to understand and accept that while you did your best, your best still caused irreparable damage"

[@ellyk8834]

That's profound and accurate.

[@KangwithoutaKangdom]

It's really not even true. A lot of parents absolutely did not do their best, they just repeated the cycles of those that came before them. I did my best is the oldest and most bullshit cop out imo.

[@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254]

Wow, for what movie?

[@eriktheos6022]

​@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254I believe that was for hazbin hotel

[@TheCoinFlipp]

@@KangwithoutaKangdom im not excusing behavior, but a lot of parents have no clue wtf they’re doing and just parent the way their parents did. Ironically, the people who do this also tend to have some unresolved trauma from their childhood. It’s easy to judge, but parenting is 24/7 and humans make mistakes. It’s the lack of personal growth and accountability that really pisses me off. Your ADULT daughter tried to talk to you about how you affected her and you dismiss it? You deserve NC.

[@brooke_reiverrose2949]

I love that she thinks Covid was fake but also talks about her husband almost died from it

[@rainydaygirlz]

These people don't truly believe in anything. They will switch their beliefs in a heart beat to suit whatever narrative they're trying to spin, even if it directly conrradicts their past selves.

[@carydorse705]

You see, it simultaniously allows her to be a victim of the government AND of an illness

[@BeckBeckGo]

And then makes a false equivalency to Nazi Germany. Amd them smiles at the pride she has in her mighty brain 😂 Her constant gotcha expressions after lobbing logical fallacies at us is almost unbelievable.

[@brothertn708]

Haha.. that’s probably why her child stoped talking to her 😂😂😂

[@linuxeve5696]

To be fair to her it seems she thinks the virus is real but is antivax specifically

[@Kristina-ci9ns]

One time I told my dad that his "discipline" was so traumatizing that it's still affecting me. He responded with "good, that means it's still working"

[@Alice-May]

Your dad is a monster essentially admitting he wasn't interested in teaching right from wrong or anything.

[@Kristina-ci9ns]

@@Alice-May he was interested in teaching right from wrong but only his version

[@FrogInFrozenVegtableBag]

My jaw dropped that’s genuinely insane

[@MsNinjani]

Jesus...

[@RinLockhart]

I really really don't like your father.

[@TuxedoMasc]

These parents say they'll do ~ANYTHING~ to get their child back into their lives, and yet, they can't even just say "I'm sorry. No excuses and no back pedaling - I was wrong, and I'm sorry." Girl, be forreal.

[@sugarmayo5333]

Right? Im sure Haley wrote that letter to her mom with so much pain, and her mom proved her right by stone walling in response.

[@haylie.joy.2001]

​@sugarmayo5333 right?? I don't think Diane realizes it, but I'm sure that BROKE Haley to get that short, dry, uncaring reply from her mother. That would kill me, especially when I'm sure all Haley wanted was an apology and acknowledgment from Diane that she (Diane) was in the wrong

[@isabellajustice2910]

Thats literally all I fucking want Is her to just say shes sorry, she fucked up a lot and shes sorry for it But she never fucking will

[@sheepyhead0399]

"I'll do ANYTHING to get my baby back... Except apologise or take responsibility or own up or listen to their feelings or take them seriously or pay attention to their perspective or respect them as young adults or critically look at my own actions or accept that I could be wrong or make changes to our relationship or acknowledge their hurt or try to do better" Insane stuff

[@emmy8526]

They’ll do anything - except be calm, kind and compassionate

[@uhoh2825]

“I did my best” is not an apology. “Im sorry I’m such a bad person” is not an apology. “Well, I’m Sorry” said with the tone of can’t you just shut up already is not an apology. Lessons for everyone.

[@thedenseone6443]

"I did my best" is such a shit excuse. If that really was the best she could do, she never should have had kids

[@TheSeanfp93]

"I'm sorry I'm such a piece of shit" "I'm sorry my love isn't good enough for you" "I'm sorry you feel that way" "I'll pray for you"

[@SleepyMatt-zzz]

Exactly, none of the language used shows that she was listening, which is the least children like this ask for. A lot of children don't even expect an apology, they just want to be understood.

[@kristajones7202]

Years ago I had estranged my mother. A lot of it is because she was staying with my abusive, estranged father, and supported him as a person. When my mom and I started rebuilding our relationship, I told her what issues she had to address. I am lucky to have a mom that wanted to put in the effort. She did say she tried her best, AND she included that she still did the wrong things. That her actions severely hurt me. That what she did will affect me my whole life. If she had said, "I really hurt you, BUT I did the best I could," that would have been an excuse. Instead, it was part of the explanation. The only reason I have a relationship with my mom again is because she felt regret and remorse fir what she did, even accidentally. I do not have a relationship with my dad, because he has never humbled himself.

[@kristajones7202]

PS: my mom divorced my dad in 2019

[@BL-sd2qw]

"I can't make her..." That's what she says. It's about control. It's about making her daughter do what makes her feel good. That's what makes her feel bad: to not be in control of her daughter.

[@takeyourheart1]

I thought the same thing when I heard her say that. That’s what she’s REALLY upset about, she lost control over her daughter.

[@rumpeldumpel675]

Yeah I noticed that part too. Before I cut contact, this was something that my mother struggled with and would say often: "I can't MAKE him do xyz" with a LOT of emphasis on the word MAKE. Diane's whole channel seems to be (in my opinion) a huge adult temper tantrum after losing her control over her chattel (I mean, her child).

[@mariannehavisham8323]

I think that's something everyone finds difficult though, that's human, we can't control how other people feel about us/respond to us etc and it's difficult to cope with so much in life is out of our hands. I think finding that difficult is normal and part of what it is to be human

[@BL-sd2qw]

@@mariannehavisham8323 It's part of the kyriarchy. It's only normal because the system is horrible in terms of living.

[@livinglifefullywithlove1328]

control and power is all they ever care about. Once I understood that every decision and every behaviour of my mother was just about the question of power I understood how she worked completely...

[@Xxg0r3r4bb1txX]

I am 17 and had a rough childhood. Lots of verbal aggression from my father. About 4-5 years ago he realized how awful he was after he learned the his childhood was severely bad as well. He has been on meds for his anger issues, plus further medical things diagnosed later on that played a roll in the aggression issues, and has been working with my mom and I to better himself. We are open about what happened, and he does not deny it, he takes it and acknowledges what he did wrong. he HOLDS HIMSELF ACCOUNTABLE and WORKS TO BETTER HIMSELF. That is the key factor these estranged parents are missing; actually listening and processing what they did wrong, and why their child doesn’t want to be around them. Every time I see parents like this, I thank God that we as a family were able to communicate, grow, and heal together after our past.

[@heyfella5217]

thank you for writing this. sometimes i feel as if a person is born to either a perfect family or a cursed one, so its nice to know there is a middle ground.

[@lr9559]

Thanks for sharing an example of what can happen when a parent faces their mistakes and does the work to address and repair what was damaged. I wish you both continued healing.

[@Suntobabacomunista92]

Thank you for sharing this. I honestly didn't believe such a parent would be capable of bettering themselves. It's great to hear about you and your family.

[@radschele1815]

I wish you the best on your journey. ❤

[@LordOfTheFatties]

I was so happy to see a comment like this. Real responsibility, real reconciliation. I'm so glad for you.

[@denizen7even]

Estrangement is a "power move" in the sense that the person doing the estranging is taking back power away from the parent over their lives

[@jnl3564]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 there's nothing more powerful than someone who grows into their free will like a badass

[@1111fairy]

Correct. But its not an attempt to “control” the parent. My parents can do or say or believe or associate with or spend their money on anything they want. They just can’t control what i do or say or believe or associate with or spend my money on. Its about boundaries & autonomy… And ironically its also about personal responsibility, and respect, for all of them. Which these estranged parents typically claim they want their kids to do. I am respecting my parents with a “live and let live” approach. And i am choosing voluntary poverty and isolation which is my version of personal responsibility. I am not playing games to get their money. And i am not compromising my mental health. And i am not allowing my kids to be exposed to their manipulation.

[@rachelm1816]

It's often done to protect themselves. I'm estranged from my father because his presence in my life is detrimental to my mental health. I've tried to discuss this with him. As far as he's concerned, there isn't a problem so this is the only solution.

[@denizen7even]

@@SandraFiler-ll9cd 🤣😂🤣😂

[@denizen7even]

@@SandraFiler-ll9cd 🤣😂🤣😂

[@giorgiorosa4402]

Watch how the estranged parents complain about exotic Cosplay it’s like a 1960s parent complaining about Hippies and Free Love. That estranged parent is thick af.

[@teona819]

I saw her daughter's cosplay. It is very tame. Just regular colorful cosplay.

[@hannahshmulsky7119]

@@teona819I’ve been so curious about what the daughter is really doing on TikTok! I’m betting it’s actually cool. But mI’m one of those progressive colorful weirdos. 😂

[@BeckBeckGo]

Oh she also goes off on free love eventually. Which yes, would benefit society as a whole. But then who would she scapegoat?

[@TheSparkleina]

@@teona819 oh! do you have her channel name?

[@betenoireindustries]

she 100% threw the word 'exotic' in there so her selfpitying boomer audience would associate it with exotic dancing - just to smear and diminish her daughter just that little bit more. because she's literally that kind of calculatedly manipulative person.

[@sylvieroche9364]

Those parents don't let their children grow fully into adulthood : she says "we did our best, we were good parents" while showing images of her with her young BABY... but nobody is saying that she neglegted her infant daughter, didn't feed the baby, didn't change diapers .... What about her teenage daughter ? Nope, nothing : you only exist as MY BABY. You are what i tell you that you are. I will make you do stuff. You are MINE.

[@lorettamanes7011]

THANK YOU. This mother sees her child as A CHILD. Once her daughter starts differentiating herself from her mother her mother rejects her.

[@andrewhaywood3853]

That’s it exactly, that you’re only seen as their baby and as a part of them. I’m estranged too, aged 50 and a therapist. My only regret is not doing it sooner.

[@gryphonkin7873]

Yes! It's such a common thing among parents too. Mine were actually great parents when I was a small child. I have fond memories of watching my favorite show while cuddling with my dad or my mom taking me to the beach. But they simply stopped being parents in my teen years. When I tried talking about my issues, I was met with a "not now". When I tried asking for help with school, I was told to go look it up online. I was by myself the moment they thought I was "old enough" and yet they never respected my boundaries, after all I was "just a child". They never really stop to think.

[@mosalikewhoa]

I read a tweet once that said something like: “Some people will choose to only remember and recognize the version of you that they had the most power over, no matter how long it’s been or how much you’ve changed.” And I have thought about that pretty much daily.

[@StardustCorvid]

Gods, yes. I remember talking to my mother and her always treating me like a 12 year old. She still does (according to my brother), and with some very .. contentious things. They never view you as someone with autonomy, really

[@azure-mist]

The milisecond she blamed children cutting off their parents on "woke ideology", everything made sense

[@eurekamreum5458]

Good thing she isn't "very political" 😑

[@novatheenby8779]

It’s funny because woke, as far as I know, is a political term

[@azure-mist]

@@eurekamreum5458 Right like… if this is how she talks then how bad is her HUSBAND?

[@GotLostProductions]

@@eurekamreum5458 "I'm not political" is basically "I take a very long silent sip of my drink whenever my wildly bigoted conservative spouse expresses something profoundly ridiculous/terrifying within my child's presence, but I have no trouble objecting to anything remotely progressive being mentioned by said child because I don't view them as being grown-up enough to hold independent views that go against what I'm most comfy with (which is my wildly bigoted spouse's statements.) And if my child goes so far as to argue with my spouse I'll tell the child to hush and apologize and go along with what their parent says because I'm such an apolitical peacemaker."

[@melissajanemoore8869]

When she mentioned Friends and Found Family with such disdain, I actually yelled, to my empty living room, "My friends and found family don't terrify me. I don't shake like a leaf at the thought of visiting my friends and found family. I'm not afraid to be myself and make my own choices around my friends and found family."

[@candicefrost4561]

She hates the idea because she knows without the “I gave birth to you” card she would be held more accountable for her behavior. You don’t have to share DNA to love someone but for a selfish person that is all that matters because they have a piece of you in them.

[@fastdafox]

“I’m not afraid to leave my room or go downstairs with my found family!!” SAY IT LOUDER ❤❤❤

[@BeckBeckGo]

My mother got therapy after my dad died. She completely changed from what you're describing to a content, open minded, kind, and unassuming person. I was also in therapy during this time. We get along really well now. She doesn't apologize endlessly, then do the same shit over again. She simply stopped doing most of that shit to begin with. She's not perfect, none of us are, but this is the parent I always needed. ❤ I hope your parents consider this for themselves

[@Neku628]

@@fastdafox Yeah and I am just hearing so many adult authorities in my life say, "Well, friends come and go! But, family is forever!", "Blood is thicker than water!", "Will they still be there to take care of you when you get old and are no longer able to care for yourself?" Just the thoughts are infuriating and grating. Why should my sibling or next of kin be the one chosen to be my guardian just because my parents or whoever is taking care of me is gone? I don't want to feel like a burden, especially since I'm autistic. There are many autistic adults that can't live on their own. Plus, I am scared about moving back in with my mom.

[@cdawg9218]

@@Neku628 the irony is that quote is often misused by family because the full quote is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Meaning the bonds that you CHOOSE and make YOURSELF are far more important than the ones you don't choose (eg your blood relations). You should let them know that next time they try to use it against you. My family is the same, infuriates me and my siblings. Boomers have an interesting relationship with respect and entitlement...

[@notmychelle]

Just how they always say “I’m not perfect.” Nobody wants perfection. We just want honest communication and self-reflection

[@prudentreality]

The self-reflection part seems especially challenging! It’s definitely been the hardest part for me. But I see my mom’s generation almost have an allergic reaction to it! The resistance is like a feral cat being given a bath…I wonder what it was about their upbringing that made self-reflection such a dangerous taboo?

[@hollisticc]

@@prudentreality It was probably seen as a form of weakness socially

[@pnwlady]

Willingness to apologize and try to do better. Some egos are too big or fragile.

[@quinntrbl]

​​@@prudentreality Because they were taught not to question their parents and elders. To question them was to disrespect them. So when we try to question them, they think we're just being disrespectful when really we've noticed a bad pattern or behavior. The older generations love being door mats for some reason.

[@GeorgiaNash-ul7qh]

It’s the self reflection she can’t do , unable to see her mistakes or own them and just turns it on her children

[@StormyDay]

People used to cross oceans and never see their parents again. People have always left families and never returned. This world makes contact much too easy.

[@mountainbunny]

so true, people assume you’re always available

[@kirikakirikakirika]

I mean, most people did that because they were poor and desperate. Most people who set sail lived in poverty and were trying to send money back to their families. It was also extremely dangerous and many people _died._ It wasn't fun. It was a miserable experience for most sailors/explorers. Most of them actually _wanted_ a family. Most of them wrote as often as they could. Contact isn't the problem, it's just that these parents are genuinely awful.

[@sriracha_sauce]

I just learned this year (at 20 yrs old) that my parents actually immigrated partially to escape my paternal grandparents who disapproved of their marriage. After my grandfather died, my older brother who was mistreated by my grandmother now refuses to visit them. I was very confused before not knowing everything that happened, but now I understand.

[@basicallyv9873]

Some people. Others have set up communities and small cities with family

[@bluester7177]

That's actually a pretty new phenomenon, and it's not true for a lot of people, specially people outside of the developed countries.

[@katiedoodles]

The fact that that woman made a whole ass channel about her daughter being no contact already tells me everything

[@Sealoctopus]

It baffles me that Diane assumes she is making herself look good by vlogging about her lack of relationship with her daughter like a petty teenager.

[@rumpeldumpel675]

@Sealoctopus agreed. Diane's whole channel is like a train wreck in slow motion. The more she posts and doubles down, the more commenters trash her and on some levels she's feeling that, but now she's invested and can't stop. In her follow-up videos you see her smug shell start to crack as she exposes herself and as the internet calls her on her BS.

[@TheZombieButler]

Supply is supply if she's like my mom she's an even bigger victim now. The only way to get away from the games is to get away.

[@yvonneshaub6111]

@@Sealoctopus because her daughter talked about her first on tik tok..what baffles me is why entitled children get to shun and judge but parents can't defend themselves against the onslaught of entitled children.

[@zah936]

​@@yvonneshaub6111 this is why you lot will never be real parents. You think a child lashing out and a moment wanting revenge is the same. You think people will read this and think you are normal

[@ellyk8834]

@@yvonneshaub6111 And their entitlement is from great parenting right? And children rejecting abuse is them being "just as bad"? Them looking for support like they never had at home is them just acting out in a vacuum and justification for the parent to behave same? Who is supposed to be the mature grown up again? "Well Haley made a Clock-thing so I'm going to go on a smear campaign! That'll show her!" We know all these tactics and it doesn't matter what us survivors do, our parent(s) play victim and use whatever we say or do as an excuse to be rotten. Repulsive behavior and highlighted by your attitude. @zah936 is correct about you - healthy people aren't going to see you as normal or healthy.

[@poogerssamseder2226]

I always tell people, "You owe love to your children. They dont owe love to you. You have to earn it." How they respond to that can tell you a lot about how they see their children.

[@ellyk8834]

I like that and I bet the result gets very interesting at times...

[@MyDestinyDear]

I knew my husband was going to be the father of my children because he said “having kids is an inherently selfish act. They didn’t ask to be born. You bring them into this world by force you owe them everything. “

[@civail5699]

​@@MyDestinyDear Wow, what a statement. I totally agree and it honestly makes me so glad to know that at least some people are entering parenthood with this mindset. I hope your family is well

[@Air_Serpent]

As someone who resents my parents for giving me life, thank you

[@kristajones7202]

​@@MyDestinyDearI believe that making a child is the most nonconsensual thing humans can do. I say this as a mother of two.

[@carved_cuts]

My uncle once said "parenting is basically trying to do as little damage as possible." Every parent makes mistakes. No one is perfect. But parents must recognize and own up to their mistakes.

[@TheClarity101]

Yes, and accountability for those mistakes and being honest and making efforts to repair what they can, is how it works.

[@SMATF5]

I've worked in retail for long enough that I immediately recognize the anger in her forced smile - "I'm going to get you fired because you gave me any pushback on anything"

[@pande1461]

Oh yeah, her smiles and laughing barely conceal how much she'd like to say nasty things to/about her daughter in the open. She's struggling so hard to control her anger, and not out of concern for her daughter, but because she knows that being honest would jeopardize her goal of appearing so saintly.

[@Lcn-m6j]

As an adult you express a boundary and they don’t give a shit about it. Then they try to guilt-trip you for getting mad that they don’t respect you enough to respect that boundary.

[@sophiaandre139]

Facts!

[@5Demona5]

When I started setting boundaries, my narc aunt would yell "I wish we'd go back to when we were in peace!" "You mean when I was just a doormat?"

[@hannahshmulsky7119]

And if you’re really lucky they also rage at you for daring to place a boundary in the first place! You’re an abusive daughter/son! (Because you won’t silently,let them walk all over you.)

[@darthivory]

"This isn't you! Who put you up to this?" is one I got a lot when I started standing up for myself.

[@hollisticc]

@@5Demona5 When I started setting boundaries last year my narc mom was complaining about how she felt like she couldn't do anything around me because I was waiting for her to fuck up. Like no, I was hoping you wouldn't fuck up and you let me down

[@horsegal1971]

I'm over 50.. raised by boomers.. I went no contact in 2020.. my mother in the two years before that would never hear me and always played the victim. Gaslighting me while I was going through major health issues.. in the end she told me I caused my health issues because I went low contact with her and no contact with the golden child and her husband.. it took me a long time to realize I deserve better..

[@OhJoliexox]

I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that. I hope your health is better and that you are surrounded by people who support and love you.

[@horsegal1971]

@@OhJoliexox thank you. And I am 🤗😁

[@JHasse-ne6xx]

You are right. You do not deserve this. You deserve better and have a happy and healthy life. I wish you all of that. It is not to late but I guess it is still work. But you will go through this because it is worth it. ❤️

[@pamjones7426]

I'm so sorry Sis. It's amazing how much sh!t we tolerated from our abvsive parents and continued to, into middle age. I'm 45 and have no contact with my parents now. My mother was trying to control a lot of the things I was doing and was withholding $200K I had invested when I was younger. I finally got it back and don't have to keep going back and forth. My father was a sadistic abvser and she was his enabler. She still doesn't think that what she did was THAT terrible. Fck that. And NO, I don't give af whether they're alive or d3@d. You absolutely DO deserve better and I think that the less contact you have with them - to the point of no contact - the better it will be for you. We will forever have the "What If?" in our minds about the things that were never going to be. Best to live our lives NOW, without them in it. Best of luck to you. I hope you'll find peace in your mind. You deserve it. Hugs.

[@snortobortoowo5420]

As a fellow "scapegoat" of my family, I'm so sorry. It's a hurt that's so complex and so frequently invalidated, and that's by design. The manipulation that goes into assigning a family scapegoat is constructed to make you constantly feel gaslit. Even by yourself, in your own head, and even once you've moved on from your family of origin.

[@luckyotter623]

The thing that bothers me most about Diane is the constant smiling. She comes off as extremely disingenuous and is just insufferable. Good for Haley for cutting contact with her.

[@darkstrifequeen1458]

It’s so nauseating and it just proves that Diane is the actual narcissist and not Haley. And she expects us to believe her? I’m not buying it.

[@yourworstfan]

Yep, that grin is gross.

[@michellemonet4358]

Yes and yes.

[@Lyrielonwind]

I can't stand people who are constantly smiling. Never met anyone who were not fake and covertly malignant.

[@yvonneshaub6111]

It can also be a nervous smile and yes there is such a thing..my granddaughter nervously laughed one when my daughter was talking to her and she got slapped up was that right..was it?.. so yeah think before you talk..

[@Sqweamish]

The flip from “I’m hardly political!” To COVID denialism and far right talking points was entirely unsurprising

[@emilyr8668]

classic "the centricism/apoliticism was a right wing agenda the whole time" zag

[@andyroobrick-a-brack9355]

If you can relate with a larger culture, you are political.

[@unwrittenpaige7791]

"I do believe that she loves her daughter, I don't think she's capable of loving her in a way that's independent from her" that hit close to home, ngl

[@Magictownie]

She keeps talking about how the problem here is that society makes it possible for people to cut their parents off, not "why does my daughter not WANT to talk to me?" Like the problem would be solved if her daughter had no option

[@AvaEFF]

It’s the same as the incel shit where trash dudes complain that divorce should be illegal so they don’t have to worry about their woman leaving them. Because heaven forbid any of these people be forced into a position where they have to take accountability for their shitty actions!!

[@emmy8526]

Really clarifies so much of that political strain: an egalitarian distribution of resources takes coercive power away from jerks. It’s why the US tiens healthcare to employment, so you have to obey your boss and it’s hard to leave.

[@Barbenheimer2001]

Exactly the same kind of person as the men who complain about women in the workforce and no-fault divorce. They blame others for their personal struggle with relationships. It couldn't possibly that they have a repellent personality that they should work on; it must be that others just expect too much and should be reigned in and forced to obey.

[@francisnopantses1108]

​​@@emmy8526 It's why very divorced men and young men who are radicalized by them share the same reactionary politics as estranged parents. They are obsessed with reasserting control over adults who want nothing more to do with them.

[@Kidomaru222]

@@Barbenheimer2001 EXACTLY THIS. 100%. Abusive people wish they could live in the world where their victims have no recourse.

[@fluffymajestic4589]

PLEASE HEAR THIS: one of Diane’s few supporters said that she survives by deciding her children are dead. DEAD. She said she now feels free and lives her best life. Please don’t ever ever think the narcissist will love you back. They will and can pretend that you’re dead, even though they have done harm to your whole life. Very bitter pill, but better swallow it now

[@fluffymajestic4589]

@@H0neyB1972 it sounds like it has happened to you. And even though I disagree, I do feel sorry for your pain if it’s you. But you managed to convince yourself that your children don’t love you. The pain that you can’t metabolize is that they always did. And they always will. Something broke down in your relationship. But the child loves you, they can’t help it. Alll this mother had to do was listen to her daughters complaints and take them seriously. She did not respond to her heartfelt letter. She did not respond to any of its contents or her complaints. She treated her like a child when her child needed her most. And she wouldn’t apologize because it was too much contrition. No, this isn’t a case where the mother gave everything in the children left. this is a case where the mother wouldn’t do pretty easy stuff because of her ego.

[@dzxn3728]

​@@H0neyB1972parents shouldn't explain over their educated adult children.

[@bafelix89]

​@H0neyB1972 did you try actually listening and taking accountability instead

[@bafelix89]

@H0neyB1972 if the adult children aren't willing, it's because YOU already demonstrated that YOU don't respect them as individuals. You've already failed at putting in the necessary work and effort, and now you want them to just submit to your will. You're a bad parent

[@bafelix89]

@H0neyB1972 they absolutely are. Evidently, by your immediate attempt to spread the blame around rather than accept it, you haven't learned yet.

[@Elijah_Kujo]

it always tears me apart how they say "I havent been perfect D:!!" but as soon as you point out any of their wrong doings they'll deny them.

[@splicerbabe]

I stand by the belief that my child doesn’t owe me ANYTHING, but I, as a parent, owe them EVERYTHING. Having children is a selfish act, they didn’t choose us, we chose them. They didn’t ask to exist, we willed them into existence.

[@MyDestinyDear]

Facts!!!

[@nettewilson5926]

❤

[@kenthomas7471]

Right? It's literally my fault you exist. By that fact, I have a duty to make your life and experience here as good as possible. Its like taking your friend over and not hosting

[@bonkers1917]

thank you. never forget that it’s your decision. when I was around 4 or 5, I was waiting in the back of the car with my dad for my brother to come out of school. he turned off the radio and laughed to himself before telling me, “You know, you chose to be here. The moment your mother got pregnant with you, you chose this. You saw everything that would happen… and still chose to live. Isn’t that wonderful.” I didn’t understand any of that at the time, but it left me feeling weird. Years later he continued saying stuff like that, saying I chose to be here. I’m 20 now. By now my dad has shown his true colors time and time again, and I realize that maybe he said that early on in my life because he realized how badly he was doing. Putting the blame on me for my existence, rather than him and my mother having chosen to have kids they couldn’t properly raise.

[@nettewilson5926]

@@bonkers1917 you dad sounds like a religidiot

[@jnl3564]

My take is that estranged parents are lying. They don't actually want a relationship with their estranged kid/s. They are perfectly happy using the estrangement as a pity farm because it meets their needs better than a relationship with an autonomous adult child would. They are perfectly happy to be rid of the child that gives them feedback they don't want to hear. The love the echo chamber that's left when their child walks away.

[@yourworstfan]

I think they *do* want a relationship with their estranged kids, but they want it to be the same relationship they had with them when they were children, i.e. entirely on the parents' terms, with the children unable to express their individuality or dissatisfaction in any meaningful way.

[@samiridgethevoice]

​@@yourworstfanOof, that all- encompassing truth cuts deep.

[@alejajm1666]

They want the relationship on their terms. My mother felt proud of putting up with her parents' abusive behaviors up to their death bed, and I understood that she expected the same from me

[@fluffymajestic4589]

Wow, 1000% agree. They don’t want a relationship at all; they would honestly rather die than relate to your feelings. What they want is the ability to have devotion from someone unconditionally. and their children spoiled them; children do love unconditionally. But can’t relate unconditionally. Hence, no relationship.

[@fluffymajestic4589]

@@H0neyB1972 wonderful!! Parents have such a hard time accepting that their children actually don’t want them, and won’t be sad if they never see them again. Please come on please leave the relationship! How freeing it is for a child to know their parents aren’t waiting for them anymore. There’s no greater gift of freedom and joy

[@bg6b7bft]

I'm childfree, and one common counter-argument I hear is "Who's going to take care of you when you're older?" So yeah; some folks really do think children are a retirement plan.

[@siktofukindeath1774]

Unreal hey.

[@whoahanant]

For real though. Your child is not something for yourself. They are their own person just like you are your own person. To control them means you're not a parent, you're a dictator. Besides, if you actually treat your child right they may choose to care for you when you're older. But it's not something they should be forced to do, especially if you treat them like trash.

[@LittleMissLounge]

Ooh, I love that one. It's got a great beat and you can dance to it! Right up there with "You're selfish" and "It's different when it's your own." 😛 Maybe we should start answering, "I don't know, maybe your estranged (grand)child?"

[@marydecker8658]

its honestly shocking to me how many people seem to view having children as security fir their OWN future. (btw, i got steralized so now me and my partner pretend to be sad and go "oh, i cant have kids..." lol)

[@brahtrumpwonbigly7309]

There's nothing wrong with a healthy community expecting a healthy family to take care of each other. That is actually part of the cycle of life. It's one thing if the parents are abhorrent, but if you've got a good relationship with them, it is selfish to wave your hand and say "not my problem" when you see them grow old and need more assistance due to failing health. While you may have manifest this hatred of mutual respect and caring that exists between people who love each other, arguing that it is not only normal, but good as opposed to the evil of the expectations placed upon you, is evil in itself. The idea that this is an issue is rooted in this concept that family is an outdated idea, or that family is oppressive by nature, because it isn't. It is the basic building block of humanity, of society. Stop pretending that each generation doesn't, in some way, have a responsibility to the people who came before them and the people that will come afterwards. You don't exist in a vacuum, and life isn't about hedonistically seeking pleasure and shrugging off anything that isn't fun for you. You can sit there and demand you are without responsibility because you didn't choose to exist, or you can grow up and be kind to the people around you and embrace your life as a human being. Denying that existence is what a light thinker and a nihilist do to cope with a non-existent moral fabric. You don't get to choose to come into this world, but you do get to choose whether you will be a good person or not, especially to the people who created you and joyously gave you life so that you could experience that journey with them, as well as have your own.

[@magnoliarosamagenta]

Taking the words of Jeff Rosenstock: "I've been told for most my life, 'Try to see the other side', by people who have never tried to see the other side."

[@jbeauty4150]

The fact that she would make a highly curated video in regards to such a highly sensitive and personal topic is a huge red flag.

[@Katie-qi1ip]

Great content!

[@jennihawkins3450]

All the estranged parents are like this. They love to run public smear campaigns

[@allytay208]

They both did

[@jbeauty4150]

@@allytay208 they who? The daughter? So what? A parent should always take the high road. In fact, it just proves my point even further that the mom made a video if the daughter did because then it just looks like competition and mockery. Let's see the daughter's video so we can make a side-by-side comparison. Direct us to it.

[@allytay208]

@@jbeauty4150 is this not the daughter? Someone said it was.

[@mspaintdoodle9989]

Oh my gosh! When she said she thought that the no-contact thing would just “blow over” shows how she generally treated her daughters feelings. Of course she has the right to cut someone off who doesn’t put any weight into her feelings and emotions!

[@ellyk8834]

Yeah that attitude is all her daughter has ever known and it's devastating to a child. As an adult who can choose who they spend time with, spending it with people who don't find your feelings inconvenient or think you being upset is just something you should "get over" as opposed to looking at ones own behavior and seeing if their child is reacting to something is a super 'normal' toxic parent dynamic. The idea of, "How dare my child not just accept my lack of genuine concern for them while I am complaining about how they aren't caring about MY feelings." as being problematic is part of Narcissistic dysfunction.

[@badabing1536]

I believe she was paranoid that her daughter was going to begin speaking about her childhood abuse in a public space, perhaps social media. The tiktok videos where they were mentioned were likely the trigger. If you look up Diane Cohn, she has been in the midst of setting up her own businesses. She was afraid her daughter was going to name drop and publicly disrespect her which would fuck up her life. She created this video angstily out of the need to "get the first jab in," discrediting her daughter before she spoke out. She needed to triangulate the average person who would come across her daughter's truth against her. It backfired, however, because her video just solidified how abusive she is.

[@nancysavard4322]

I tried to watch this Diane woman's video and ended up feeling 'triggered'. She creeps me out.

[@Lyrielonwind]

I agree with your theory. They are always a mile ahead of you with their preventive attacks.

[@zah936]

True. We have all faced this. And her defenders claim she has a right to do this because her daughter made tiktol lol

[@zah936]

​@@Lyrielonwind yeah she knows what she is

[@marlanaferro1558]

Very creepy woman.

[@mh3708]

The fact that she kept acting like she “didn’t know why” her daughter cut her out of her life rings so true to me. Same thing with my dad - he keeps telling people he “doesn’t know why” I cut him out, though I tried to explain it to him multiple times and even sent him a detailed email. When I explained it, he would just scream over me with denials (not letting me finish a sentence), and the email, I guess he pretends he never read. THAT and that alone is why he hasn’t been in my life in over 10 years. Without any acknowledgement of the core issues, how could we possibly come to a mutual understanding?

[@Ruffles2012]

"When you take all the power in the relationship, you take all the responsibility too" THAT HITS IT ON THE NAIL!!!!

[@jameswells9403]

Man, thanks for this. I feel guilty for not being in a better place in my life but really, my parents set me up to fail, but they take no responsibility.

[@Edgeley]

Yep, an epidemic of entitlement where mother's expect their kids to sacrifice their happiness to stay in contact with "good" parents who can see no fault in themselves

[@yvonneshaub6111]

I think it's entitled children who are the ones who think they're the only ones that are entitled to opinions and want to cut contact and block when someone has a different option other than theirs.

[@susanlett9632]

My five adult children and I are estranged. They don't like the fact that I left Christianity and I'm converting to a new religion even though I mind my own business and don't even discuss it. They constantly bring it up and attack me. I don't have the same political beliefs that they do and I'm pretty much middle of the road but they are mad about that. They have attacked me online and in person. At first I was nice about it and asked if we could agree to disagree. It happened over and over and over again. When their father is the one with most of the money and pay for their college and he is the one telling them lies how is that my fault? Should I take the abuse just because they're my children? When I grew up we were told if your parents mean or abused you keep your mouth shut what happens at home stays there. They don't even know the things I went through as a child and I doubt they would believe me because they saw their grandparents as wonderful. And my parents were good people but they grew up at a time when children didn't really matter as far as feelings. I was 11 years old and my older brother was 24 and tried strangle me to death and I almost died. I guess my lips were blue my eyes rolled back in my head. Uncontrollable fit. He was abusive when I was a child and to my sister as well. When he tried to strangle me though my dad yelled at my parents told me I better not tell anybody. Now as an adult I'm being told I have to take the abuse my children hand out. I have multiple sclerosis and stress will and has put me in a nursing home and in a wheelchair. I'm not taking abuse anymore and I'm not going back to a nursing home for anybody.b

[@susanlett9632]

I finally told them either knock off the constant insults about my leaving Christianity and about my change of religion and about my political views or don't come around me or talk to me. They made the choice that they would rather not be around me if they can't insult me.

[@NomiGrove-dg1ew]

​@@susanlett9632you suffered physical, mental and emotional abuse as a child. And you probably emotionally neglected your children when they were little. And I say probably because most parents did back in the 80's and 90's. They still do but back then it was more common. You probably thought you were doing everything right as a parent but emotional neglect is silent and invisible epidemic. As a parent we need to work on our own generational trauma before we start seeing our children as the problem. A lot of mistakes are made when we are young parents and we pass down our own trauma. Probably not in the same way it was passed down to us but we keep neglecting the importance of generational trauma and emotional neglect. Did raise your children in the church? Any type of indoctrination when they were growing up? How did they became christians? That would explain why they feel betrayed you decided to change religion... It's probably more deep than that... It is hard as a parent to acknowledge we messed up, but a little of self awareness goes a long way. Also, when you say you are being abused by your adult children what do you mean? Maybe they are being reactive to a trigger, think back, what happened in their childhood r/t their religious upbringing, maybe you have a blind spot

[@eatrealsicilian2278]

@@NomiGrove-dg1ew How old are your children??

[@sleuththewild]

The self-righteousness and self-absorption of these parents: it's so easy to see why their kids don't want them in their lives.

[@marlanaferro1558]

Exactly! Psychopaths come in all forms.

[@plantemor]

And the irony of their generation calling our generations narcissistic and entitled :')

[@alolsoniceleblu1300]

That what I was thinking. I was like gzz lady. No wounder your daughter wants nothing to do with you.

[@Luke32141]

i am a transfemme adult child who estranged myself from my conservative family. watching this woman speak is genuinely difficult for me because she reminds me so much of my own mother. especially on the point of being surprised that i cut her off as well as my father, because he was always the 'political' one. thank you for making this video, it's helping me cope with the fact that what happened to me wasn't my fault in some small way.

[@xXSprMgaAwsmFxyHtXx]

i feel like that generation of women was so oppressed politically that even if they have strong political beliefs they don't feel like they do because they were never allowed to express them growing up. My mom often says that her generation wasn't allowed to talk about politics at the dinner table and I think that's messed up. It keeps parents bigotted and people uninformed. im proud of you for cutting off your conservative family

[@jonathanm4518]

"We also found out that she's recently been diagnosed with ADHD and autism. That might explain some of her behaviors." Yes. And it explains why you are unable to see why and how you hurt your child because you have no empathy for the unique struggles that neurodivergent individuals face. You have no empathy for it because it clashes with your own experience. That's why she won't talk to you. This ain't rocket science.

[@marshamagic8551]

That’s an awful comment..

[@marshamagic8551]

@@Defundthemasons I don’t care about your opinion. You’re an angry person..

[@ellyk8834]

@@marshamagic8551 And Diane is a child abuser... Is anger a fair response to abuse and mistreatment? Or are we supposed to remain quiet, compliant and false-happy so not to anger mommy and/or daddy more for our entire life? Anger at injustice is called "righteous anger" and is the fueling agent of change.

[@marshamagic8551]

@@ellyk8834 not sure who Diane is. I’m not commenting further. Is that the estranged mother? How would you know that? Child abuse is never ok, she seemed to be trying to figure it out..

[@ellyk8834]

@@marshamagic8551 Gotta get that last word in eh? And yeah that's some twisted BS yer selling and I'm okay with not hearing from you further.

[@corvuscorax7451]

I find it really interesting how she said, in discussing the original letter, that she wasn't really political, but later on we see her talking about how it's the government's fault that children feel they can cut contact, and talks about "woke ideology" which is a huge red flag of a phrase. She's immersed in culture war bullshit, which is highly political and designed to drive wedges between people. I, too, doubt the 90% figure she gives (would dearly love to see the letter and check the percentage for myself) but I'm sure Mommy Dearest's political ramblings were indeed relevant to the decision to cut contact.

[@mb2776]

yep, and once I've heard that her child is diagnosed with adhd and autism I said "Oh geeehh, I wonder why she doesn't want to do anything with MAGA parents. So hard to figure out..."

[@IceFireofVoid]

Oh yeah. These sorts of people will see politics everywhere and project it onto everyone else but never see it in themselves and how they think and act. When they do it, it's political, but when I do it I'm just being normal!

[@improvwithlions4173]

I think it does and it doesn't. Sometimes getting involved in politics like a team sport is just a cover for emotional turmoil. Or at least, the emotional turmoil drives you to pick fights and say wild shit in service of your team or pet issues.

[@magicalmomo9987]

It always makes me laugh when people claim to be apolitical because that in itself is political. But everyone has an opinion on social politics even when they claim they don't and what she did in the video is EXACTLY what those same people who claim they don't have opinions do lmao 😂

[@jaynestrange]

People sometimes act like "politics" is something that's totally disconnected from the rest of life. People will say "how could you cut contact with someone over politics?", but it's never about 'politics' as an abstract concept it's about specific beliefs.

[@kawaiiButterfly-t8d]

I knew a 50 year old man that was going through a mid life crisis. I'm 30 ( just for context). We went on a beach date and we both talked about our families. He told me how his mom would beat him, just him. She tried to give him away to the grandparents but the dad didn't like the image. He became a pharmacist and his family still looks at him as an underachieving. He gave HALF of his salary to his mom for the first few years of his career. He told me that kids don't cut their parents ofd and when Im older I would understand. Yes he is now remarried to yet another abusive woman. I couldn't help but feel so incredibly bad for him. He was on anti depressants and everything. His parents did not deserve him. They took, not only his childhood, but the rest of his life as well

[@Jane_8319]

Oh god that’s horrifying

[@LordOfTheFatties]

That's so brutal...

[@morganqorishchi8181]

They don't deserve him. I hope one day he realizes that he doesn't deserve them. No one deserves that.

[@ritzee13]

Imagine how much it hurts the daughter to see her mom talking like this publicly online. I would be so heartbroken and lose any hope I had of reconnecting.

[@valentine.58]

seriously, and pissed too. id be so fucking mad.

[@Sandydeeeeee]

All children deserve parents. Not all parents deserve children

[@Void_Dweller7]

I think its more like most parents don't deserve children.

[@tinkere7243]

"She did call - which was a miracle " and it sounds like the daughter used the grey rock technique for communicating. She gave them nothing but her presence, and they still found criticism. Eww.

[@luchirimoya]

Exactly this

[@pamlomeli1360]

What is “grey rock” technique?

[@tinkere7243]

You act like a rock to avoid rewarding narcissistic behavior. Little to no emotion, no reaction, no response. It's the most basic of human interaction as possible. Even avoiding eye contact. If you must share space with someone toxic, who wants to manipulate and force a response, it's a strategy of noping out. Example: you are at a family Christmas party. You avoid your narcissistic Parent who approaches you anyway, he comments "new dress?", you nod. He responds with "waste of money, it makes you look fat," you respond with "kay". It's not an argument, or a question or even agreeing. It's nothing that can be used against you. Nothing here.

[@theyxaj]

@@pamlomeli1360 It's my understanding that you communicate in the most boring, unemotional way possible, like a "grey rock" so that there's nothing for the other person to pick apart. You want to be as interesting as a grey rock.

[@pamlomeli1360]

@@theyxaj Hmmm...I see.

[@Sandydeeeeee]

Why do they always have that ‘smile’. When they’re crying, talking, criticising, lecturing. It’s always that ‘smile’ I see. Creeps me out.

[@darkstrifequeen1458]

Of course there’s a tell with this. Her smiling while complaining about Haley’s decision is definitely a tell that she doesn’t care about the harm she did to her. Liars always have a tell, and you don’t even need to be a poker expert to know that. It also applies to real life as well.

[@FloppityFlopFlop777]

It's the demon within them smirking at the evil they're doing. It's a classic narcissistic "tell."

[@whims6278]

The smile reminds me of ruby franke, but she also reminds me of that vegan teacher. Eek

[@amcmenaminnemetz711]

I call it Chronic Narcissistic Smirk. They all do it.

[@annah5507]

Duping Delight

[@Sparks_Nocta]

My mother cut ties with me when I came out as trans. Folks are baffled that I don't try and push harder to force her to communicate. But she made her choice, and going against it would do nothing except hurt both of us. When she had a stroke, my sister said I should call, so I would not feel guilty if anything happened and I didn't talk to her before. The last thing she wrote was that I may love her but she doesn't love me. I know that's not true and she's just in pain. But I have to live with the knowledge that no matter how hard I want to be there for her as she grows old and sick, that's on me, and it would only cause her more distress and pain.

[@niklese8490]

What you are - is not your choice, neither it's her punishment. Don't let yourself to be pushed to believe it

[@philipsalama8083]

Ultimately she's reaping what she has sewn. On her deathbed she's going to realise that her hate is a poor substitute for her child's love. It's on her to apologise and try to bridge the gap - and even if she does, you have no obligation to trust her and accept.

[@QuailQuests]

The way she says """found family""" with the heavy air quotes when talking about support. My parents always said this line that went something like "you better be nice to me, because at the end of the day your family is the only ones who will always be there for you," implying, for some reason, that my amazing and supportive friends were somehow shallow, fragile relationships inherently temporary while family is somehow permanent. I'm sure you can fill in the rest.

[@MiG-21bisFishbedL]

I always FUCKING hated that line. It is the height of dishonesty to hear a parent tell their child that, no matter their age. It's a mark of a deeply insecure individual that they try and scare you into circling the wagons, essentially. I'm adopted, so it always rang hollow for me. My parents provided me a wonderful childhood where I could be myself. I could express myself, so I developed something of a talent for art. I could express my interests which lead me to a career I adore. It was fantastic, but they never gave me that line. Never once. Probably because they know I'd eventually figure that bullshit out. I've caught extended family being unfaithful to their partners, being racist (That was fun, I'm brown!), being petty, dishonest, and just all around untrustworthy. Yeah, real dependable people.

[@6eyed474]

Ive heard that one a million times, to the point where one of my parents attempted to convince me that my best friend didnt love me anymore and that other best friends only kept me around to use me or to make them feel better about themselves (now that i think about it, that reveals more about my parent, thinking that I can "make someone feel better about themselves" because I can be seen as lesser. I think this type of thinking also allows the parent to feel more rational about possesing you: "how can you travel alone??? you need more money/things" (no I don't, I sorted out my transportation, necessities and lodging because my friends were kind enough to support me!". It limits your movement. As the video said, insecure parents develop paranoia about both themselves and their children

[@lemonboyardee]

My mom always said she loved me unconditionally, but any time I stepped out of line (tried to set a boundary) I was shown over and over that there were definitely strings attached. Only her idealized version if me, the one who wouldn't question her, was truly lovable.

[@ellyk8834]

That is what the Scapegoat child is for. Taking their crap out on without objection or recognition and calling out of her evil character. Rotten to the soul.

[@spOOkytimes]

Yes! I tried everything to have a relationship with my mom but she refused to have any sort of respect towards me. I would forgive her over and over and over again for the abuse. One day I saw the term "cycle of abuse" and looked it up. I was speechless. It fit perfectly. That's when I knew nothing would ever change. Everything was always about her and her needs. I went no contact and my life has only gotten better. I tried my best. She did not. I don't exist to be her punching bag and retirement plan.

[@morganqorishchi8181]

She doesn't love you, she loves who you pretended to be out of fear.

[@callmekitto]

Ah, you too?

[@KayEm-xp7lw]

Omg … I have been estranged from my daughter, google searched for help, and watched that woman’s videos for guidance. I wish that I had watched the videos, like yours, that respond to her videos. I have learned a lot - thank you. I will continue to watch the videos that express the child’s perspective and work to be a better person and mom.

[@weirdwilliam8500]

Wow, good for you. You’ve already taken a big step.

[@T1up]

If my mom responded this way, I would be more open to having a relationship with her. Good on you and good for your daughter

[@KayEm-xp7lw]

@@T1up thank you ❤️ I wish you a healed heart and hope that your mom can give you what you need one day.

[@JaseekaRawr]

What we need one day, is love. Love. We want our parents to care. I do hope you follow through, for your daughter. That's all we want.

[@whims6278]

This is so heartening ❤ good on you

[@The_Abaddon_69]

I love when parents think they’re entitled to be able to treat their kid like crap for 18 years but act surprised when the kid wants nothing to do with them once they move out

[@elfneck]

Hearing "I'm the parent, you're the child" actually made me break down. This was my own mother's catch phrase raising me as a single mother. It feels both validating and sad to hear that this is so common, and not an okay thing to say. It always made me feel shitty to be dismissed by it, and yet somehow I always came around to believing that she was right.

[@Lunchladydoyle]

All I got from her video ( besides a long day of introspection of the hell my BPD mom put me through ) was that she is a smug, condescending and hateful woman. She won’t grow from the feedback but her daughter got tens of thousands, if not millions, of people praying for her well being. God bless everyone who survived toxic parenting. 🙏🏽🕊️

[@OhJoliexox]

I really hope her daughter is surrounded by love and support.

[@sergiogarciamartinez7470]

@@OhJoliexox where to see the daughters content ?

[@japaley4459]

I feel so bad for this woman's daughter. This mother is a piece of work. Since she can't contact her daughter anymore, she's come up with doing these KZbin videos which is a new way to reach out and continue to harass and hurt her daughter in a public forum. This woman is POISON.

[@AA-iy4gm]

I have to point something out about BPD. The takeaway from countless of online resources by therapists and doctors, is that BPD is different from NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and people with BPD are emotional dysregulated in different ways but important to note is that they most often turn on themselves before intentionally hurting anyone, and they have an excess of empathy whereas NPDs have none or next to none and dont engage in hurting themselves. Perhaps your mom was misdiagnosed or in some very rare cases has both NPD and BPD.

[@duo7552]

All I got from your post is letting me know that I no longer need to watch this video. Thanks for that. :)

[@theghoulishgrabber]

Diane is very clearly her daughter's first bully. She would pick her daughter apart even if she was just sitting politely and smiling.

[@ellyk8834]

That's what they do and if there is a Golden Child they teach the Golden the same bullying and contempt. Oh and as a bonus the Scapegoat watches while the enabler parent(often the dad) stands back and does nothing but tell the Scapegoat to "get over it" or "cope" because that's just "how they are". Abuser/dysfunctional families are vile.

[@CheekyCayde]

"They've already decided that the pain of you dying without reconciliation is preferable to the pain of living with you as you are now." That hit me so hard. That is so painful and cannot be explained to others. Thank you for making this video. It has been enlightening, and very validating!

[@LordOfTheFatties]

That line goes so unbelievably hard, I agree. Having it put into words was like being struck by lightning.

[@spOOkytimes]

So true. That's why people constantly telling us to "be the bigger person" and/or judging us for cutting them out is so infuriating. Do they truly think everyone is walking around completely prepared to cut others out of their lives at the drop of a hat, let alone family? Going low or no contact is often the last resort.

[@SDsearcher]

I had to go no contact with my mother 16 years ago. It was the hardest but healthiest decision I’ve ever had to make. She physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually abused me for a large portion of my life. She’s now 82, and I think about her death a lot. Will I grieve? Will I feel relief? Will I be angry? Will I be sad? Will I feel nothing and just go on like it is just another day? I guess I won’t know until I get there. But I do know that not a single time in 16 years has she taken any accountability for the abuse she heaped upon me. Never a single apology from her in 56 years of my life.

[@OhJoliexox]

I’m so sorry you went through all that, but I hope you are proud for how far you’ve come. You may feel all the emotions or nothing at all when she passes, and you will make it through. Keep showing yourself the love she wasn’t willing to.

[@sleepingdogslie]

When my mother died I felt sorry for her because the last part of her life was so difficult. I felt sad and confused that I felt sad. After going home I thought about her often but I did not miss her. Not one little bit. I was relieved. I did not miss the huge guilt I always felt around her. And I did not miss the person I was around her.

[@ainikki7006]

I got the blanket apology from my father, once. And you know what was sad? It was too late. I realized that I'd grown up and grown away from him over the past ten years and went NC with that whole side of the family the next day. Best decision I've ever made. I saw them all at a funeral for my cousin's dad last year. He was a decent guy; I wanted to pay respects even though we weren't blood related. Not a single one of them said a word to me.

[@LittleMissLounge]

@@ainikki7006 Not even a perfunctory "Hey, how are you?" Jesus. Sounds like you made the right decision.

[@Sam-nz2ko]

One thing is for sure, however you grieve your mother is completely okay and most of all valid. I'm sorry you went through such a difficult time. But I'm proud you chose your peace and autonomy. Especially, in the face of what a hard decision that must have been. Lots of love 💕

[@happyascheese]

As someone with a disability from birth who cut contact with my parents as an adult, I can't help but wonder how much disability played a role how the daughter was parented regardless of the fact that the diagnosis was made in adulthood. In my own childhood, I'd say it played a large role in the abusive behaviors displayed by my caregivers. My parents raised two disabled children and abused both of us to varying degrees. My father was extremely authoritarian and looking back on some of his actions, I'd say he was ashamed of having disabled children. I remember having corporal punishment used on me for falling during a school concert. He'd frame a lot of the abusive behaviors as "for my own good" in the disability sense. There was a heavy emphasis on trying to "cure" me as much as possible. Being denied mobility aids on all-day physically intense family outings stands out too. A lot of the older generations (Boomer and early Gen-X), were raised with the mentality that children are a reflection of their parents. "Children should be seen and not heard" was something told to me often. Disability isn't something you can control and I think that drives parents with an authoritarian mentality to be more punishment minded which leads to abuse.

[@scrumps101]

I just wanted to chime in and first say I’m incredibly saddened and sorry to hear of the abuse you went through as a child. There is absolutely no world that makes that right. Disabled or not children are to be cherished and celebrated and parented by love not control. It makes my heart heavy to know that you and others have undergone such horrendous treatment at the hand of your family. I’m sorry, sincerely sorry. The other thing I wanted to add is that I’m a gen x’er, born in 1970. I was most certainly brought up under the guise of being seen and not heard. If I had a dollar for every time one of my parents said that to me… I think most of my generation grew up this way, however, I think the majority of us learned that we didn’t want our kids feeling the weight of this. We are a headstrong bunch and learned that is how NOT to parent. I also think that we realized that we wanted to have children to love. We didn’t have them to carry on a generation or to have extra hands around the house or because we were supposed to. We wanted to undo the generational wrongs that were done to us. I never laid a hand on any of my children. I didn’t want to my children to fear me like I did my parents. I parented out of love and kindness knowing that these children were little beings with their own ideas and wants and needs. I think the ball dropped with the Boomers using us as mere pawns than people.

[@scrumps101]

@@Juia_S Did you tell that to the daughter who is capitalizing on video’s of her mother? Goes both ways my friend.

[@Antoniathinks]

The hidden issue with neurodivergence and transgenerational abuse patterns is expectation and interpretation of visual, auditory and general sensory environments which we, the humans, mediate (or don’t mediate) in a way that best matches or fits the loved ones we parent imperfectly. Any parent who loves their child does their best, fine, but their best can be either more, or in this case, LESS, responsive and open to the child’s struggles, either trying to recognize and mitigate their own unfortunate habits or keep trying to justify those. The problem this anxious, personalizing, self-pitying mom has is she did not, and still DOES NOT see how her child’s experiences of their “investment” caused her pain. She caused her child pain. She may not have set out to, but she did. And now, instead of accepting the OWCH, she tries to even out the responsibility but her child did not have the same power to shape their dynamics as she had, in the parent role! And the way to explore what that feels like is to use her power now to create her own life, going forward, without a ton of blame, judgement and guilt which, this person clearly heaps on her, not just in the their lives but now publicly???!!!! That level of complaining on steroids is just unreal. It’s horrifying….and makes me want to introduce this mom who gives herself presents on her daughter’s birthday (GOOD LORD WHO DOES THIS) and introduction to Harriet Goldhor Lerner’s work, linguist Deborah Tannen’s work, Esther Perel’s work….and so many many others who remind adult women of what options we have when listening and dialoguing with others in our lives and making constructive choices to be mature and accountable to people we love.

[@Antoniathinks]

I really like the commentary you offer, Jolie Robertson. You show a fair-minded appraisal of the situation. I think the missing elements are that she doesn’t ever investigate what AudHD might mean for what she gave…her form of love, those love languages are so darned disparate…! The disparagement is more evident than the respect, again and again. The woman’s smile is really horrible, because it shows disgust. She has clear disgust for her child and yet wants all her daughter’s attention?! I think any time our children have people who really love and care for them we can be happy for them. When the woman says her daughter’s voice was robotic, I suspect she is completely missing the boat; a person with autism shows less and less emotion the more overwhelmed and in pain they feel. It is excruciating for them, when others misread this as not having feelings. They have such deep and sensitive feelings!!! So for a daughter, like hers, and mine, it is a sign of intense distress and discomfort. She would be extremely stressed seeing if her dad was at deaths door or not, and expected to know what if anything to say, given that all is painful…..! The whole societal dynamic stuff is very complicated. I appreciate so much your citations about the upcoming codifications of children’s rights, and the dynamics of the various styles of parenting, especially the complexities of individuating. Chameleons are especially vulnerable. Everyone has to be genuinely capable of remorse and making amends. I don’t think this woman has researched her own stuff. And her endless blame of everything and everyone is pretty horrible for someone who has enjoyed so much financial and social privilege. Ooooof.

[@SemiIocon]

@@Antoniathinks Yeah, they didn't know her diagnosis, so they very likely expected and rewarded typical behaviour on the cost of her emotional and mental well-being growing up. I am also late diagnosed autistic and it made me able to understand which parts of my upbringing (in general, not only parents behaviour) was toxic or abusive towards me.

[@tofusamurai22]

Children don't just decide to go "no contact" because they want to hurt their parents; they do it because they want to become their OWN person. Parents don't want to understand or respect; they want to make conditions to satisfy their own emotional needs. There is likely much more to the story than is being revealed...

[@yourworstfan]

That's what I find so weird about these people. If your adult child goes no contact, there are really three possibilities: 1. You abused or neglected them to the point that you drove them away 2. They have severe untreated mental health issues, drug addiction, etc. 3. A combination of the two If there has ever been a single case where a child cut off a parent for the purpose of hurting the parent, I would be amazed to learn about it.

[@lilianfowler7988]

​@@yourworstfanYou cut them off to heal because they won't stop.

[@Jane-oz7pp]

I do actually hope my parents are hurt by me going no contact. I hope it haunts them like them handing me to a man to lock me in a shed for three months haunts me.

[@katherinea.williams3044]

@@Jane-oz7ppI’m so very sorry to read this; it’s heartbreaking to read that anyone could do this to a child. I hope you’re doing better today and surrounded by love and support. I’ll be including you in my nightly thoughts, prayers and meditations. I hope you get stronger and are able to leave those horrors in the dark- where they belong. Love & Light from Miami Shores🦚 Stay safe mate✌🏼🌎 Have a care for one another🫧

[@lindsey7951]

I did it to hurt my mom but I'm a vindictive ah just like her so it all works out.

[@Air_Serpent]

oh my god, this is my mom. This is her. I can't explain how much mental damage it gives you. I'm still with her because I'm still dependent and if it wasn't for my friends, I wouldn't be here anymore. The way she acts is the EXACT same way she is with my friends, she's jealous of them. She's tried to guilt trip me for being 'happier' with them. I hold back because I'm still depending on my parents, but one day, I'll finally tell her that it's because they truly love me. They truly made me feel love and respect me. They don't drive me to the edge. They listen. They love me for who I am and don't want to change me into a mold.

[@stevenhuntley8706]

Every time someone says I'm bad for cutting out my family, i ask how they would feel if i poisoned their dog. The woman who raised me fed my dog rat poison. He died vomiting blood. No doubt in pain. To this day people who don't even care to ask what kind of parents i had spend time and energy attacking me for not wanting that kind of person in my life. Never will i ever feel bad for cutting that kind of person out of my life. She can lie all day and night, I know, God knows, and my dead dog knows that she is a horrible person.

[@ellyk8834]

My mother spoiled the family dog and happily spent money on the animal when she begrudged every dollar she was 'forced' to spend on her children and let us know it. She was kind and patient in cleaning up dog messes but yelled at and berated her children for "creating work for her". My sister even said at dinner one day, "You treat the dog better then you treat us." and her duper's delight at knowing she was putting her children in their place and they knew it was disgusting. Yeah... treated worse then the dog sends a message but these types don't get why we are repulsed by them?

[@stevenhuntley8706]

@@ellyk8834 it really feels like it's one of those "you get it or you don't" things, but some of these things are so black and white that I'm beside myself that people don't! Like that should be so obviously wrong to say to a child, to put on a child, but I'd bet money you've had to fight that fight.

[@alisongreen7576]

I am so sorry about your dog. I believe my narcissistic ex poisoned my dog- it’s a documented narc tactic- partly they are jealous of the dog, partly they aim to cause you distress so that you are then more vulnerable to manipulation or aggression. People who haven’t experienced people with zero empathy find it impossible to imagine.

[@nineteenfortyeight6762]

❤

[@lilianfowler7988]

​@@alisongreen7576Spot on!!

[@Marlenkaminta]

The way she criticises an imaginary mass of people believing in the idea that 'if you are not with us, you are against us' is projection gold. Her daughter is not with her, and she is treating her as the enemy. This is tragic.

[@louisachalarca6494]

No one holding their arms open to be part of a chosen family is authoritarian in their love for each other haha. you are soooo right about the projection

[@CB19087]

Careful, she'll probably report you for copyright infringements! Because nobody, NOBODY, is allowed to have an opinion about mother of the century 😅

[@CB19087]

Sorry, didn't see the disclaimer before trigger happy typing ❤

[@OhJoliexox]

I heard about that, but it seems she has learned about fair use and is backing off other creators making videos about her.

[@NickM_FirstofHisName]

Unless it's enabling opinion, of course.

[@zah936]

​@@OhJoliexox she thought only she could do it to others

[@grisebarbus5683]

Admitting you're not perfect but not being able of introspection is insane behavior.

[@ellyk8834]

Yes! It's like, "I know I'm not perfect." and then not take the next step to look at the ways they are imperfect and how that might impact people, particularly minor children who were in their care. There is a giant disconnect in these people.

[@louiseday6559]

As a single mom I had to come to the realization that I may have done the best I could but still fell short of letting go of control and respecting the adult men I raised. I apologized for my shortcomings/ mistakes I made. And validating their feelings. It won't change the past, but opened the door for a better relationship with both my sons. No guilt tripping or manipulation. Just respecting their boundaries and enjoying my grandchildren ❤.

[@forwhat587]

All the respect for you for doing the work!

[@hollisticc]

Thank you so much for giving that to your children. If my mother did what you did it would help me heal so much more easily. While you are right that it doesn't change the past, it does change the future and that is all we can try to do. I wish you happiness and love with your family on your journey of healing

[@MyDestinyDear]

Shit you didn’t even have to do all that most kids are eager too forgive. All my mom said to me was “I shouldn’t have done that to you. I’m sorry.” And it was like a dam broke 😂😂😂

[@justalittleturtle5600]

It sounds like you really love your family. I hope your sons and you are able to build a safe and happy relationship :)

[@Celestialplane945]

Same here. Single mom to a 2 year old girl and trying my best. I understand that a day will come where these things will come up. It will hurt to hear as a mom, but I am open and prepare myself as often as I can to support her and validate her when the day comes.

[@vladimirraphael444]

She's mad at her daughter's fans because she's getting validation that doesn't come from her.

[@XueYlva]

"We've been replaced by fans" was such a weird thing for the mom to say. The "fans" on TikTok are not RAISING the daughter, they're just fans. No "replacing" happened here. The mother seems a bit jealous lol.

[@new.alternative.productiones]

See, here's the thing. People don't just wake up one day and "bitch bye" their parents out of nowhere. It's like leaving any other relationship. You try EVERYTHING possible to fix it... but you'll run out of options one day. And when that day comes... you find out the only option left is leaving.

[@tonymanzo9683]

I really love that instead of demonizing narcissistic behaviors like is so trendy on the internet rn you point out the behaviors and why they don’t work. As someone with those traits who has a genuine desire to work on them seeing someone portray them humanistically is both relieving and refreshing.

[@cof...]

Yeah I'm sick and tired of people just scapegoating people with NPD and it's clear they don't even know what the term "narcissist" even means, they're just throwing it around. People are so stupid. NPD is a mental disorder in which one has a poor sense of self, fluctuating self esteem, and high confidence, yet is riddled with guilt, shame, and feelings of worthlessness, a disorder DEVELOPED FROM CHILD ABUSE. It's not a "abuse everyone around me disorder". If you don't know the criteria of a mental disorder and you don't study psychology in depth, you can't diagnose whoever tf you want.

[@starlingswallow]

Part of this issue is that the role that parents set their children in are hard to break out of. Many times a child _truly_ needs to get away from these role-holders in order to forge their own identity *apart from* the family of origin. Every time I go back around my family, I have the hardest time not slipping back into that people-pleasing, always saying yes, always doing what I'm told, person. I HATE that person. So, moving away and staying away has helped. Being in an environment where I am seen, heard, delighted in, supported, encouraged, etc helps an individual actually BE their own individual. Walking away is sometimes needed desperately in order for a person to become who THEY want and need to be as their own individual person.

[@anonymousposter7175]

Excellent, excellent. You're spot on. I should have walked away far earlier than I did.

[@stacfred9509]

I needed to hear this. This is exactly what I’m experiencing. Thank you. ❤

[@vivianriver6450]

Wow, you're talking about me! I could never have become the person I am around my family of origin. When I was around my father, I felt like I was working hard to avoid having a meltdown over the way he made me felt, and I felt like I was in danger of being gaslighted or denigrated at any moment, plus there were those wonderful Schroedinger's Asshole moments.

[@lizstuartperry]

Did you, or any of you, try a set of family therapy sessions before writing a letter or cutting off your parent(s)? Because as a parent, it feels like working out all this pain and confusion is likely to do more good for everyone than going no-contact, and, as this You-Tuber says, a parent would do ANYTHING to not be shunned by those they love most deeply. Of course, arrange and pay for professional help. I have a hard time with the adult children not implementing the cutting off with more empathy and kindness. The parent is accused of not being able to work on themselves well enough, not being able to take full responsibility personally for the ways both parties likely felt badly in interactions before the younger adult walked away. Where is the more difficult ask: for the adult children to admit what they contributed and to be flexible and ready to heal and learn to be understanding enough so that multo-generational family living is something we can return to? Parents of adults are suffering being cast out of the family-- that's akin to shunning, to conviction of crimes without a fair trial, without a sentence of definite length. There is no property entitlement obvious in the idea that "we are a family", a little microcosm or fundamental building block of society, and there shouldn't be instant, one-sided destruction of that. It does neither side the deeper psychological good that talking it out and sharing what each person needs and what can be changed, what accepted. People have conflicts. Mentsl illnesses and personality differences and conflicts of needs create conflict. Social belonging to each other is the promise, or at least ideal, of family, not one-way ownership. Don't polarize on this, please. Each of us could contribute to as much coming together as possible, if we tried better? It is helpful that both of these women went through the effort to make these videos.

[@anonymousposter7175]

@@lizstuartperry Many, though certainly not all, parents seem to think they did nothing wrong. So I doubt therapy would interest them. No one wants to cut off their family. It's usually an act of last resort. And I'm afraid it often is not so much the past but the present that hurts. Some people are hell to deal with. Sometimes they're parents, sometimes they're kids. If a person is awful and draining, I wouldn't condemn anyone for walking away from that.

[@b.f.2461]

I like the idea of “collecting moms” as a substitute for a bad one.

[@TheHazchic]

My aunts have been acting as my Moms for years. Even some older cousins. They recognized her long before I did.

[@brinnc-o9065]

As the child of a lesbian couple, with many lesbian "aunts," collecting moms is such a natural part of my thought process. I didn't realize that wasn't the norm amongst "traditional" families until college.

[@noamaddie1211]

Milfs 😌

[@Air_Serpent]

Low key been doing this with some professors for years. There's boundaries so it's not exactly the same, but it gives me an idol to look up to and someone that I truly want to impress.

[@snortobortoowo5420]

The way that abusive and manipulative parents demonize the idea of their kids having friends is so deliberate and harmful. They don't want you to have any emotional fulfillment outside your relationship with them.

[@tardisgrump]

this woman feels me with anger. My dad was also like this , he wrote a snipped in a book about parental alienation and just imagining him doing a video blog about how he "lost" me fills me with unimaginable dread

[@Lyrielonwind]

To those who had to go no contact with parents and siblings: they don't miss you, they miss not being able to abuse you any longer. They won't change. Don't get in between their actions and their karma and that is, missing their slaves. Love you all 💕

[@susanlett9632]

I had to go to no contact with my children!! I'm converting to a new religion and all they do is attack me. I try not to discuss it. They bring or brought it up. We have different political views and I am fine with agreeing to disagree and not arguing about it. They constantly attack me even on social media. When an ex-spouse is feeding information to your children or poisoning their mind against the other parent it's difficult. I'm not like this woman though I would never force a relationship and I would never go online and make blogs. This isn't my real name on here so that's why I feel comfortable talking about it

[@AvaEFF]

This hurts but it hurts because it’s TRUE.

[@Lyrielonwind]

@@AvaEFF I have been fooling myself with hope which is wishful thinking and fantasizing they will feel something positive towards me for years and it only got me stuck in my healing. I need radical acceptance of the reality if I ever want to move on and yes, it's sad and painful 😣

[@Hisfaithful_Berean]

As I've healed and grown through trauma therapy, I now understand that discipline isn't abuse nor is it even punishment. Discipline means that a parent _teaches_ and _shows_ their children what is right and what is wrong, what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. You live your life as an example and you _guide_ them. Let them make mistakes and learn from them, which teaches that our actions have consequences, both good and bad. *Fact:* The etymology of the word "discipline" comes from Latin, Hebrew, and Greek. The Greek word for discipline is "Paideia", and it means "instruction, correction, and guidance" and shares similar definitions with the Hebrew and Latin. Discipline does not = beating your child into submission.

[@ellyk8834]

So when a parent hits a child for doing something bad that's teaching the child 'right from wrong' how? So their example of raging and hitting their children is a good example how? "Discipline does not = beating your child into submission" -- and yet many of us had abusers for parents and they did exactly that. But yeah, you just keep normalizing and rationalizing abuse... Not a good look.

[@Hisfaithful_Berean]

@@ellyk8834 I never said nor implied that hitting your child for any reason is okay. I grew up being beaten behind closed doors. I would never use my hands or anything else to hit my child as a form of "discipline" because that's not discipline--it's abuse. How did I come across as normalizing abuse?? I'm literally saying discipline is not the same thing as abuse. It's two different things. Hitting is not discipline, period. Abusers _say_ it's discipline when that is _not_ what discipline _actually_ is or means according to the origins of the word. I thought I spelled out what I meant pretty well. Did you not read the entire thing?

[@yourworstfan]

​@@ellyk8834 I don't think you read the same comment I read. This person is clearly saying that discipline is not punishment, and especially not "beating." Discipline is necessary. Abusive parents tend to punish, with or without good reason, and call it "discipline." That is not what discipline is.

[@ellyk8834]

@@yourworstfan LOL Thank you.

[@Octobris]

Op, the last sentence is perfect. Thank you.

[@ToxicFreeTV]

They prevent others from thriving. A narcissist does not want you to thrive. You are in survival mode all the time with a narcissist. The ONLY WAY to have a happy fulfilling life is to go no contact regardless of the type of narcissistic relationship it is. Don't stay because it's "family", that would be your biggest mistake. Life is short, refuse to appease the narcissist. Live your own life.

[@pamjones7426]

To the people who keep getting told that we need to keep our parents in our lives because they're 'family' - don't listen to those people. Go and create your own family. You can choose who you have in your life. The ones who will love you and forgive the mistakes you've made. The ones who will value and treasure you. The people who tell you to keep your parents in your life just because they're your parents are basically telling you to tolerate abvse and the abvsers who terrorised you. Fck those people. You deserve better.

[@legosi2736]

​@@pamjones7426 FACTS 💯

[@TheSLATEcleaner]

I hate the victim mentality of 'estranged parents'. I'm in a situation like this. My parents never owned anything that happened, never changed despite constant promises that they'd 'be better', ignored my boundaries, and made it my fault when they got self-destructive in the aftermath of me moving out and breaking contact. Every interaction about what happened boiled down to them being upset with me trying to get distance and space and never about the damage that made me want that in the first place. Whenever they find a new way to contact me, they weaponize guilt about their health and age to try to pull me back into their lives. If your gut feeling is to cut contact, do it. I have never felt more loved and safe and happy and in-control of my life than I am now. I have healed more in two years away from them without medication or a psychologist than I did in ten years of active treatment while stuck with those people in my life. Stay strong, y'all.

[@IanM-id8or]

You won't regret cutting contact. I regret attending my father's funeral. Wish I'd avoided it. I won't be attending my sisters' funerals, and they won't be allowed to attend mine

[@pamlomeli1360]

That’s very sad. 😟

[@SundayJones-mu2ig]

I totally understand. 💜

[@Wesenskern]

I get it. My birth giver is still alive and there were moments when I wondered about her deathbed and funeral one day, and what I'm gonna do. It's helpful to hear about your experience.

[@mb2776]

I also thinking about visiting my fathers funeral in the future or not. Went no contact years ago. Do you want to tell me why you chose to visit his funeral and why it was a bad idea? I don't want to go to his funderal to pay him respect.

[@CatBarefield]

Coming on 5 years no contact with my mother and its one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself

[@CarrieNicole47]

She really will blame literally anyone and anything but herself, won't she? It's kind of stunning really

[@anonymousposter7175]

Unfortunately, that is the go-to position for estranged parents, at least the ones who hang out at Diane's channel. Everyone and anyone is to blame but them.

[@Babsladee]

Have you ever considered that maybe her child is the one with issues? I was dumped by my child. But I also went no contact with toxic parent as well. I know it from both sides. I know toxicity. I was dumped because I didn’t buy her a keyboard. Also, I gave her a boundary told her that she needed to clean up her drawings… That were scattered so deep on the floor. It was becoming a fire hazard. I told her I would give her whatever she needed so that she could save these because I knew they were important to her , but that she had to put them away. They couldn’t be all over the floor. I gave her multiple warnings and told her I would throw them out if she didn’t clean this up when she didn’t I threw them out. She was 17 at the time. It was so filthy. It was unhygienic. Those were the two reasons that she raged on me before going no contact. I went no contact after years of abuse, strictly verbal, my mother said I like this child of yours and don’t like the other that was it. My child decided to keep a relationship with her father instead of me, then broke it off with him when she didn’t get the amount that she expected from an inheritance. From what I understand, she got the actual amount, but she wanted more. She made contact with them again and then asked him for $10,000 Sometimes it’s not as clear as your personal experience

[@CarrieNicole47]

@@Babsladee it's my opinion based on watching the videos that she put out, where she doesn't acknowledge the contents of her daughter's letter, and instead blames outside sources. Because the problem could never be her, right? I don't have a personal experience with estrangement. I accept that my mom did the best she knew how. But my mom also isn't a covert narcissist. I believe this woman is.

[@Babsladee]

@@CarrieNicole47 i’m not sure why she didn’t acknowledge the letter. Possibly for privacy reasons, or she didn’t want to get into her political affiliations and bring that into the conversation. In my child’s case, it was addiction to marijuana that caused the breakdown in our relationship. She got the addiction gene from my side of the family. I just hope that no matter what the circumstances are, her daughter has support of an objective mental health professional. If the parents are to blame for the break in their relationship with their daughter, or if they’re not, their daughter could be very emotionally fragile right now and will need support. As horrendous (the most toxic of narcissistic) as my mother was, her mother was just the opposite. So I had an offset that most people don’t get. Trust me, I’m not giving my grandmother a pass, but pointing out how lucky I am to have lived with her. Because of her, I don’t necessarily believe in environment as the cause of narcissism, because my mother should have turned out much differently if that was the case

[@philzeo]

The difference is, this lady smiles at the thought of getting back at her child in various ways and she explicitly hates her child when her child does things she doesn't like. Your experience is different. It sounds like your daughter took after your parents more than you, and that's not really your fault. She's an individual. She made choices, even if they were poor, and your experience is not reflective of this lady. She slams her daughter online and refuses to respect boundaries. That's clearly not you becuase you respect boundaries. Simple as. ​@@Babsladee

[@yolandaponkers1581]

I haven’t spoken to my biological father since around 2007 when I was still a child. He was a terror all my life and my mom had sole custody. He was in major child support debt and signed over parental rights in 2008 in exchange for the erasure of the debt. He now has advanced cancer and is expecting me to reach out to him and “have a heart” after half a life of abandonment and a horrible experience before said abandonment. I have not reached out and have no plan to do so. I’m sorry for what he’s going through but there are plenty of other people that can be by his side during this time. He chose to give up his own child and is not entitled to anything from me now.

[@betenoireindustries]

❤ good on you. that person is a sperm donor and nothing more. you owe him nothing.

[@jameswells9403]

Sow the wind, reap the whirlwind.

[@arsonisvanschoor4975]

The overwhelming urge to send this video to my mother, after having not talked to her in almost 2 years, is strong.

[@ritzee13]

Same, I wanna send this to my dad to see if he finally will understand, but I know better.

[@MortiferumHera]

Same but mine would probably be like "wow I'm so glad I'm not like her!"

[@Hisfaithful_Berean]

So much ick and triggers watching this narc "mom". _Much_ respect to Haley for cutting ties. I know that couldn't have been easy. To this day, if I'm with my mom out in public, and a two-year-old is having a tantrum _(as two-year-olds normally do),_ she'll cluck in disapproval and say, "When you were that age, you never acted like that. We always got told how well-behaved you were." *Me, thinking:* Yeah, that's 'cause you beat me into stillness and silence.

[@susanlett9632]

I understand what you're saying and abuse is disgusting but you have to admit a lot of children these days are out of control. I'm not suggesting they be physically disciplined but I do think they need to be disciplined a little bit better. And I'm not talking about 2-year olds I'm talking about much older

[@Octobris]

"you beat me into stillness and silence"... I felt that deeply.

[@Octobris]

​@@susanlett9632 when you use "kids these days" in a discussion, you immediately lose in my book. That sentiment has been present since the dawn of humanity. You're not helping. What would help though is seeing kids as multi-layered individuals, not a monolith.

[@winnawinna5953]

This Diane lady is offering courses to " help" people cope. What a sicko. Seriously, 200 dollars a pop.

[@mah3223alia]

What!!!!

[@lilianfowler7988]

At her daughter's expense. Grifting she is.

[@Lyrielonwind]

Still exploiting her daughter 🤮

[@CatBarefield]

Yeah of course she’s a grifter on top of everything else

[@anonymoususer6037]

She does marketing. She's marketing her brand -- herself. And she isn't political but she displays clearly her 'anti-government' bias.

[@candicefrost4561]

And she’s so bad at it! 😂 Like, she tried to tell her side and all anyone can see is how shallow and nasty she is.

[@betamax1828]

This video makes so many of the points I've tried to make to my mother. When I express the ways she's hurt me I'm met with "well I guess I'm just an awful mother" or when I get emotional or agitated talking to her I've always been hit with "watch that attitude". My mother does truly love and care for me and it makes it all the more difficult when she dismisses my problems with the way she raised and still treats me. My mother wasn't an abuser, she bent over backwards for me and I know that, but she never once in my 22 years has ever reflected on her own negative actions. I have made many mistakes in our relationship I know I'm not blameless but whenever we have difficult conversations about this stuff it always ends with me crying and apologising while she gets to continue on with her usual behaviours and she doesn't have to reflect on the way she speaks to me or the faces she makes and the way she chooses to frame everything i do. She even complains about how her mother still treats her and yet uses the way she is treated as justification for her actions, I just wish she could have the slightest self reflection on herself the way I'm always forced to

[@mh3708]

What you are describing is a fawning response to emotional manipulation. I would recommend processing this in therapy if you can. I wish you the best. ❤

[@jademcl4727]

"It was 🤷🫢😌 strange~" Immediate alarm bells 😂😂😂

[@zah936]

😂😂😂

[@spacegirlfriend42069]

The thing that saddens me about the "we weren't perfect but we tried" narrative is that it frames it as though estranged adult children want perfection, when in reality they just want accountability from the parent. A parents inability to hear that is telling. Im aware that sometimes when people ask for accountability they don't know what they want the accountability to look like. I watched a dr k video where he explained that to approach someone to demand accountability it is healthiest to know for sure what your expectations are and what action items need to be accomplished. But when adult children estrange themselves they've passed that point. They've either laid out those actionable steps and they've been ignored, or they have concrete reason to belive those steps will never be taken so it's not even worth asking. Adult children estranging themselves is similar to a divorce. If youre blindsided by it youve been ignoring the warning signs and even attempts to repair issues for years

[@AmrodSurion]

You just described my exact situation, and man, you made a great explanation of something I couldn't put into words

[@mb2776]

"Adult children estranging themselves is similar to a divorce. If youre blindsided by it youve been ignoring the warning signs and even attempts to repair issues for years" 100% so true!

[@KD-ou2np]

Honestly the way I was raised is so fucked up, I never saw an adult around me apologize, express remorse, take accountability, or really listen deeply. So I HAD no idea how to do that and it fucked up all my relationships too. But I knew I did not want to be like them. So I'm learning. And I have no idea what a healthy reconciliation would even look like with them even if I wanted it.

[@closurehascomex]

the irony that these parents expect absolute perfection from the child who estranged them is palpable

[@karenabrams8986]

I went no contact with my mother in 2012. I was 36 and could not afford to get sick from anymore interactions with her. I took a cognitive behavioral therapy course through the VA. That was very helpful to break bad patterns and manage triggers from people who remind me of her. It’s taken ten years of therapy to finally feel like I’ve gotten to a healthy place.

[@stingrayplushies]

So proud of you!! I hope you have a good day!

[@karenabrams8986]

@@stingrayplushies thanks. You too. 🥰 Peace is worth the grief.

[@MintyFreshCupcakes]

Something I learned in therapy that I hope I will remember when I become a parent is that one day your parents best won't be good enough and all they can do is apologize and try to fix it. Its something so many parents refuse to acknowledge. You doing "your best" does not erase harm. One of my biggest pet peeves as well is when people say to forgive parents because they don't live forever. As a young person with dead parents please stop saying that. Damage doesn't go away when a parent dies. It erases the possibility of closure. Have the tough conversations and cut them out now. I never doubted my parents loved me, but I definitely deserved better in a lot of ways.

[@CeliaLaval-p2p]

I love your video so much! I am a therapist... and there's something so satisfying about a sane person untying the knots of gaslighting and obfuscation in real time in a mature and clear eyed manner. I can tell you put some time into this video and your insight is on the nose without being hyperbolic.

[@thebeboshow4421]

There is something so familiar about the way her lips move… I know it sounds strange but my mother also has that tight lipped demeanor that scowls easily, judges often and enjoys making demeaning comments. I can’t unsee it now ugh lol😅

[@bobbydogstone8526]

same... I cant even watch the rest of this video right now but I will watch it later... I am soglad I stumbled acrossthischannel

[@Lisa-hw1vo]

Same

[@savannahm9943]

Same. Mine would purse her lips and squint her eyes if she were in public and couldn’t let her true nature out.

[@lorettamanes7011]

My mother has that SAME right lip. It’s so creepy and it gives me instant anxiety when ever I think of it because the tight lip means some intense criticism or interrogation is coming.

[@sleepingdogslie]

The tight-lipped mouth is a real trigger for me. It signals disapproval and criticism. When we as kids came into the room my mom’s face would automatically fall into that face, looking to find fault. The ‘What have you done now’ face. I would tell myself I’ll never have that face. Her face was so set in disapproval that on the odd occasion she did smile it looked all wrong, more like a grimace.

[@ikimeht]

I haven't spoken to my mother in almost 20 years. She has four children who are all no contact with her and she has never once considered that she might be the problem. She will blame literally anything but herself for having zero contact with any of her kids. Glad she's not technologically literate because she would eat this Estranged Parent community up and I'd probably be finding a video from her about how all her kids are heartless and it's definitely not her fault.

[@SavageMinnow]

My mom is a part of one of these groups, and at one point in time, she did begin to take accountability and sent a text to my bro saying she would change... And then TOOK IT BACK after consulting with her "support group "

[@michellemonet4358]

My mom is nit tech savvy thankfully. Shes 90. Ive gone Zero Contact. It wasnt an easy decision.

[@livinglifefullywithlove1328]

@@SavageMinnow that's almost funny if it weren't so sad...they are just crazy

[@AdrianRif]

@@ikimeht you sound so understanding and forgiving!

[@drazlet]

I find it very telling that she focuses mainly on her younger years, mainly as a baby. The years where she had full control over her daughter are the ones she looks back at fondly.