Let's Play Aliens: Colonial Marines - Late to the Party

Quite sensibly, Johnny has never played Aliens: Colonial Marines. Unfortunately for him, Ian has - and misery loves company. If you want to see how bad Aliens Colonial Marines gameplay is, you've come to the right (wrong?) place! GAME OVER, MAN!
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[@Thrashman138]

"I'm the runt of the litter. They always send me in first. I don't know why." Fucking hilarious. I could watch these two play this game for hours.

[@SpaceHopperCopter]

Beautiful harmony at the beginning, angelic, even. Edit: The closing few minutes of this video are MAGNIFICENT.

[@youkofoxy]

truth... also, I think this game is Speed run worthy. give the amount of bugs. the problem is find someone who know how to route and has the determination show by this two.

[@no_genius]

"Normally we ask why I haven't played it, but today we should be asking Ian why he played it"

[@bilbo_t_baggins2762]

In alien resurrection, Sigourney weaver nailed the basketball shot on the first take. No-one could believe it, hence the cutaway. The release date for alien 3 was announced before a single word of script has been written. The original script had a lot of the action take place outside on the surface of furina "fury" 161. So the special effects people built a huge model at a cost of $7 million. The script changed to indoors and the model got smashed and binned without ever being filmed. There's a photo of it and that's it. The special effects crew quit. The alien in alien 3 was to originally have come from a buffalo and it looked different. That was filmed. It's called the bison burster. The alien suit from the first movie used part of a real human skull for its face. The original ending had it bite off Ellen Ripleys head and then start talking in her voice.

[@marhawkman303]

Yeah, Hollywood films are often very different in the version that was screened than the version that was originally planned. And... often the reasons for it are bad.

[@eurogamer]

It was the 4th take, actually! kzbin.info/www/bejne/fHeXZYysebuDbrs

[@hell3quin864]

Alien 3 was originally supposed to take place on a wooden space ship (I shit you not) crewed by monks. But numerous studio interference with an inexperienced director gave us... well, that. Although I quite like the dog alien. Also bit off topic, pre-alien 3 Batman fought an Alien in the Florida Everglades. It had birthed from an alligator (which doesn't make any kind of sense) but being pre 3 was the type previously seen in the films. He won.

[@markpriestley6807]

Xenosanta

[@1812madjack]

Fun fact one: Apparently the enemy AI for this game was crippled by a typo in the code that went undetected. Fun fact two: This game would still be a bag of shit even if that typo had been rectified.

[@speedy316uk]

Yeah they mentioned it and it's not a hoax it's true but Rock Paper Shotgun played the fixed version on their channel and it only marginally improves the AI

[@dirpyturtle69]

it fixs the aliens ai so they stop doing that shit where the just run circles or stand still they come at you now

[@ridhoardhana]

Even though the enemy AI are fixed, Colonial Marines still looks like crap version of Dead Effect 2 for me.

[@AngelBeatYunara]

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH" Such a good open!

[@jupitermond2325]

I was not prepared for that start, lemme tell you. Almost dropped my cuppa!

[@nicholascross3557]

Aliens Colonial Marines? That's many dollars for the swear jar!

[@cloeshmoroz4512]

Aliens are at the Sephora, they know what's up.

[@zanite8650]

That's amazing seeing Johnny actually lose his cool for once.

[@deadzepplin9801]

how about the devil may cry LTTP?

[@Sznfctm]

Edit: You guys really made the most of this game with that ending. :D Also... there is this dude, TemplarGFX, who spent some serious effort as a fan to fix the game. The mod is only available on PC, but changes a lot: vastly enhances graphics, makes the gameplay mechanics more sensible (enemy speed, armor, damage, AI, you name it), overall makes this crapfest a semi-enjoyable game. Also he probably gave more love to this game than the actual developers ever did. Unfortunately, no coding and tweaking can fix the bad fan fiction story and the general narrative that frames this "masterpiece." Still, if you have a PC, it might worth taking a look at. (You can probably find youtube videos of the final result of his efforts too.) I really like Aliens, and I was extremely sorry for this game, so I thought I'd mention this. Ps Go to hell Randy Pitchford, with the constant lies that you did in the interviews, while you actually outsourced the game to an amateur studio.

[@hyweee]

I had the collector's edition of this pre-ordered, thankfully the night before it came out a friend of mine directed me to some reviews he'd seen and I was able to cancel. Then about 6 months later I picked up the same collector's edition for about £12, which for the rather cool power loader statue thing was entirely worth it.

[@thornbush1234]

I never brought the game due to the bad reviews Admittedly I did not know about the collectors edition until my girlfriend brought me it for Xmas last year as she knows i'm a big Alien fan. The Power loader statue is awesome and the game is still sealed!

[@hyweee]

@@thornbush1234 the way I figured it was I was paying a little bit for a cool statue with a free crap game lol

[@theDegausser]

At 17:10... when a Xenomorph walks towards you and instead of screaming bloody murder you say “Oh...” you know you’ve made a shitty game.

[@nightcatarts]

8:17 I don't think "Spooge Cleaner" is one of the roles traditionally assigned to an assault team.

[@nightcatarts]

What kind of ridiculous nonsense is that? Whomsoever told you that was a real thing is clearly a troll.

[@scalliano]

The typo in the .INI is true, they misspelt the word "tether" and in the course of about five or six patches, they never caught it. If you go in and correct it, the game is still crap.

[@julianforst7837]

These cold opens are getting better and better.

[@KyleS.1987]

Well, Bendix got out just in time.

[@sugarfreeturkey]

Wait what? Bendix is gone?

[@marhawkman303]

twitter.com/TheDustyLeaves/status/1053240099201302529

[@sugarfreeturkey]

Ah what a shame. Im sure she will go on to greatness regardless.

[@JesseCuster]

Aw. :(

[@SecretFoxfire]

Now we know what Johnny's hysterical laugh sounds like, and it is *adorable*! :D

[@MrTomFTW]

I'm early to Late To The Party. Looks amazing in HD 60fps.

[@d2factotum]

Best ending to one of these *ever*.

[@rptgaming]

My favourite thing about this video is how Johnny’s game rage mirrors my own in frustrating moments. Suddenly I feel more comfortable with my own pixel based angry outbursts.

[@iusethisnameformygoogleacc1013]

Frankly, the lawsuit for Gearbox basically embezzling money from this contract and committing fraud for the benefit of Borderlands should have completely devoured the company and prevented Borderlands ever seeing release. I mean, sure, those games are good; they aren't worth Pitchford's continuing prominence in the industry, though. Or Duke Nukem Forever.

[@ClaireAgincourt]

Fall back to the Sephora? Seems like the Colonial Marines need some bathbombs and facial cleansers to defeat this alien horde.

[@samuelduckwall1418]

The only good Alien game is Alien Isolation. Alien Colonial Marines was horrible. But my love of Eurogamer brought me here. And if supporting them means sitting through a sh*t game, it’s the least I can do. Beside they make ever game fun, even when it sucks!!

[@Sol-mr1lv]

"The redmouthed xeno" is the only good thing to ever come out of this game.

[@d0natr0n47]

When first I stumbled upon LTTP I scoured the playlist looking to see if this had made the cut (this was last Spring, when Bratters was on the squad). I was a ambivalent at it being left out. For those unfamiliar with ambivalence as an emotion, it is when a person feels 2 completely opposite emotions, about the same thing, sorta like being a bloke and seeing your mate get kicked square in the chestnuts - you feel equally sympathetic as lets face it; it's happened to you, and mean for laughing at how fucking funny it is. My ambivalence was; "I *never* want to see this game AGAIN (and I've only seen it on KZbin) / I *need* to see Team Eurogamer play this on LTTP" I have been desperately waiting for this in the subsequent months/years - I'm 7 minutes in & it has not disappointed. Thank you, ​Ian & Johnny...Thank. You.

[@magicalfluffybunny]

I love your epic British swears

[@ezy360]

Late to the party for late to the party

[@Christian-ir2mb]

i hate alien covenant with every fiber of my body, it's not just a shit movie, it tries to shit on the marketing and atmosphere of the first movie. AvP is a fun shooter, and you can play as alien and predator as well

[@zaqzilla1]

With a healthy adult CPR will most likely not result in broken ribs. With a child or elderly person, yes it is possible.

[@JesseCuster]

"We're loading a piece of the game so blughh dialogue." I definitely loled. Lol'd? Lold.

[@alexkindl861]

Ian, Werther's Originals joke: fuckkin gold.

[@Simonju1]

Watched the beginning (stinger??) literally a grin cheek to cheek, this is gonna be good

[@Yuki503]

One of the earlier "fixes" the devs tried to make to address complaints about how easy (shit) the xenomorphs were to kill was to just increase their health and damage across all difficulties.

[@G00N3R7883]

In a strange way, this game was actually the best thing that happened in my gaming career. I was excited about it, first person shooter, aliens franchise, developer of Borderlands - it has to be great, right? And I was so disappointed by it that I decided to never again just buy a game on trust. This was the last game that I ever preordered. Ever since then, I've always waited to read reviews (both professional and on Steam), watch gameplay videos, wait for patches, etc. And because of this, I tend to enjoy the vast majority of games that I play now. Thanks Aliens Colonial Marines for being so crap!

[@DropkickRemy]

Finally some Alien 3 love. Highly underrated movie.

[@brycerwalton]

And so Johnny learned what Ian never will: Sometimes it is better not to have a schnaffle.

[@DevilboyScooby]

I like Paul McGann's Doctor...admittedly mainly from his audios, though.

[@mynar_lenahan]

I'm pretty sure critical role voices everyone in this game. Matt Mercer is definitely Keyes (who might be named after the general dude in halo...?).

[@iusethisnameformygoogleacc1013]

The moral of the story is "Statically compiled languages with good checks exist for a reason; you might misspell "tether" and accidentally create this mess.

[@cliffevans2315]

Sylvester McCoy is one of my favorite Doctors, Kill List is incredible, and this episode was fucking magical.

[@breathingdoll]

aaaaaaa is such a mood

[@psyndor1243]

Johnny, I know you didn't enjoy this game, but one good thing that came out of it is that I've never seen you laugh so hard at anything in your other videos. I almost could believe that you have a little bit of Ellen Rose in you.

[@Matthew-pd4zx]

Old shotgun is a reference to Aliens. One of the characters has a shotgun and says "I keep this for close encounters' or something like that.

[@DreadWulfie]

This is next on my list after the stream ends. That openin tho. XD

[@AcurateBob]

So can you do more LTTP with bad games? It's just funnier when it's worse...

[@stevemalone3781]

Knack/2 for all its faults was fun to play with friends and that rare couch co-op in today's multiplayer, internet days.

[@rustumlaattoe]

Wait... If american soldiers say clicks why do they do everything else in miles? But seriously thanks for playing this so i know what i missed. Nothing much apparently...

[@zaqzilla1]

The shotgun is a reference to the pistol grip shotgun Hecks carried in Aliens.

[@QUANTUMJOKER]

I'm glad Ian likes Sylvester McCoy as the Doctor. McCoy is my favourite Doctor. :D

[@Uncle_T]

Only lizard people don't invert Y-axis. Just saying...

[@ImOnlyJoeKing]

I would rather be alive with broken ribs. Crack on, CPR'ers!

[@kendoyle]

Did Johnny really annoy Ian? This seems like cruel and unusual punishment.

[@eurogamer]

Bizarrely, I was the one to suggest this episode (Johnny)

[@Sol-mr1lv]

Johnny is going to cry himself to sleep after that shit

[@natbez_42]

Came for the joke, stayed for the absurd laugh right at the beginning at the video

[@gazsharpe3871]

I got as far as "Cut down Keyes". I turned it off, and have never, ever booted it up since. Pile of shite.

[@dominateeye]

The bit where they're discussing Prometheus and Johnny mentions he saw it on a date threw me because I was like "well, I never saw Prometheus, but I'm pretty sure I remember seeing advertisements for it in the last couple of years (sidenote: I think I was thinking of Interstellar, another space movie I didn't see) and I know Johnny is married and has been for a couple of years now, so the whole timeline of events here doesn't quite make sense in my head" so I looked up Prometheus and it was released in 2012. And that was six years ago. Anyone who tells you time passes at a rate of one day per day is full of shit.

[@dominateeye]

26:19 There's fun games, then there's okay games, then there's not-fun games, then there's bad games, then there's awful games, then there's Aliens: Colonial Marines. Then there's Air Control.

[@nummy_nummers]

What is this smack talk about Perfect Dark? Oh you naughty boys!

[@gaymergrrrl]

what a delight! (i mean you two… not necessarily the game)

[@Moricant]

Monolith’s AvP2 (released way back in 2001) is still the best Colonial Marines game.

[@hell3quin864]

What are these, pH neutral xenomorphs? I see the blood but there's no acid. About the oldy tiny shotgun, its that fucking annoying thing where developers throw in something as being a permanent addition even though its inclusion in the original material is pretty arbitrary. Hicks? carried a lever shotgun cos the american military allows their soldiers to bring their own. He was not issued this & he only killed 1 alien with it because he shoved it into its mouth. Just before Vasguez went down she had to unload her handgun at point blank range into its head just to get through its carapace. A shotgun of the type Hicks used wouldn't do much more than knock it back. Rant over, I hate this lazy ass shit.

[@Bl00DHound11]

28:00 You should narrate for the wildlife channels, Johnny. Look out Attenborough.

[@FesterSilently]

(I'm paraphrasing *greatly* here) "They've gone and spunked up all the baddies in the first ten minutes! Masters of Suspense, this lot..." a) I laughingly and wholeheartedly agreed, and b) have you guys played either of the (in my mind) original two AvP games? AvP1 (Rebellion Studios, 1999) or (my fave) AvP 2 (Monolith Studios, 2001)? I sporadically replay them, and (even though I know when/where they're coming) the well-executed, DNA-emblazoned jump scares still get me. ;)

[@FesterSilently]

43:23, "I WILL GET THROUGH THIS IF IT KILLS ME" I both cheered and roared with sympathetic laughter. Everyone is staring. :D

[@FesterSilently]

45:28, AND, LO, DID HE ADROITLY SNATCH DEFEAT FROM THE JAWS OF VICTORY. :D

[@navtektv]

Yeah someone sued someone over breaking their ribs during resuscitation. Smh.

[@benford1726]

I know I'm probably the only one but I fucking love this game. It's one of about 3 or 4 games I've actually got the platinum trophy for

[@kaindracula2662]

Paul Mcgann (the longest and the shortest), stared on one episode, was Doctor Who for 9 years.

[@Speilbilde]

He also (supposedly; i can't find the source for this right now) has the most stories out of all the Doctors thanks to the novels and big finish audios. So the most and the fewest, as well. :)

[@kaindracula2662]

I heard that as well, I don't know how much but I do know he did a lot with big finish.

[@epizoan_]

i have a new ringtone

[@ObscureLego]

I remember really enjoying this game... maybe its because I was just excited for an alien game... :\ but oh my god looking at it now... wow.

[@stefanforrer2573]

is kill list the one where the main protagonists are hitmen, who botch one of their jobs or is that another movie i have in mind?

[@nightcatarts]

That sounds about right. It's got Myanna Buring in, using a bit of her Swedish. There was something quite similar I thought had Sean Bean in, but apparently I dreamt that bit, & now I can't remember its name, but it exists.. Probably.

[@eurogamer]

That's the one!

[@samdilks9516]

fun fact! all the money gearbox was given for colonial marines pre-orders, they funnelled into borderlands 2 instead of acm - obviously the effort, intelligence, heart and soul gearbox had went into bl2 too. what i'm getting at is randy pitchford technically committed large-scale embezzlement, and was karmically punished for this by battleborn absolutely fucking tanking and him being reduced to making a porn subreddit for his own shit game

[@tylerlund167]

PLAY MORE BAD GAMES

[@hell3quin864]

@itsjuliahardy has a whole run of playing terrible games. Its very funny.

[@mattball8622]

Also recommended for watching people play awful games is Vidiots series Worst Games Ever. Some of the ones they chew through are atrocious.

[@ItsSarahRayne]

Well this is one party i wouldn't mind missing and rudely celebrating that i didn't go

[@nickygorov7433]

13:31 wrong franchise Ian :-D

[@mrbeefy1981ads]

5 mins of this are enough to question why the hell I didn't believe the reviews and the comments and everybody in the world and still bought this, and returned it within an hour with many lies to Game staff about my wife buying the wrong console version. This is the worst game I ever fed my console and I feel I need to apologise to it everyday 😭

[@existentialpenguin7756]

I’m just here for the HD

[@nickygorov7433]

The final nail in the coffin is that this "game" is cannon....

[@famijher]

Well, they did find recently that one typo in the code fixed the shit Alien AI.

[@proctorp]

You don’t always break ribs, but I have broken a few in my time. Chest compressions are meant to be Third of the depth of your chest so it certainly happens.

[@liamsmith5013]

FALL BACK TO THE SEPHIROTH!

[@rahnyc4]

im proud to say i completed this game and i was content with the experience..

[@chrisparker6325]

I was enjoying this until Ian mentioned Alien Covenant and now all I can think about is how bad Alien Covenant is

[@michaelwebster6566]

AvP managed to have a better marine experience

[@MrWompyTube]

This was great.

[@Arlow21]

Best edition of 'Late to the Party' ever :D

[@UberCoolBen]

I was so glad when Alien: Isolation came out after this and restored some credibility to the Alien franchise. Colonial Marines was an absolute shitshow and I can't believe I forced myself through the whole game and the DLC. What an abortion it was.

[@theisaacpigg27_32]

I unironically enjoyed this game

[@j.tgrooms]

Nice!

[@wagnerisawsome]

do you share an office with outside xbox? shelves and stuff looks similar

[@nightcatarts]

Kinda yes; they're in the same building as Oxbox/Oxtra & they share the same recording booth room. What I don't know is whether there's just the one Kallax & they have to unload the other channel's stuff & load it up with their own every time they film something..

[@astraldragon01]

I saw this and I was thinking about it but after the huge backlash I decided to not buy it. This play through only affirms my belief that the best thing is to wait for people reaction them make an opinion not just, " Shut up and take my money". Thanks guys love the comedy and play though. I feel your pain

[@thehulaoperator8356]

... I did somehow like Alien 4? Liked it more than Alien 3 at least.

[@marhawkman303]

Alien: Resurrection was good IMO. I loved Ripley 7.

[@AzureRath97]

AAAHHHNYAAAAH

[@TheOriginalHairyDave]

SUPER glad I passed on this one - what a pile of garbage. Congrats on making it as far as you did because I don't think I'd have bothered retrying that hanger fight more than twice.

[@Cervando]

So glad I read the reviews beforehand so I didn't waste any money on this Turdfest. Alien Isolation is so much better and infinitely more atmospheric.

[@evilqueenofcake1031]

Also Ridley Scott isn't dead... 😅

[@adyl4fs590]

Excellent and very funny. You two. Obvs the game is a load of Madame Wang and Her Five Fingered Hand Academy. Easy to rag on it I guess, fashionable and all that, but it does look and play like some generic piss poor shite FPS with crap graphics and dodgy gameplay. I know no one'll read this a week later, but, hey...

[@nightcatarts]

I read it!

[@The-Underbaker]

I... AM... THE DOCTOR...

[@liamsmith5013]

This isn’t alien. It’s CoD in the dark

[@jadeith2]

life over limb Ian

[@brocksisson7128]

Christmas songs much more entertaining then the videogame Armour, I BARELY KNOW HER

[@evilqueenofcake1031]

Mosasaur not megalodon - megalodon is the big shark... 😁

[@cathal_geoghegan]

I think this is the video Ian mentioned. A compilation of Colonial Marine bugs kzbin.info/www/bejne/jJyWkqWrj66Nr9E