Everyone Keeps Shunning My Partner And Now I'm Starting To Wonder Why r/Relationships

[@alaaesong164]

Story 1- I had an incident when I was 14 in highschool. I noticed that I was being excluded from doing things with my friend group outside of school, I always put it down to "well I live on the other side of town and don't have a car and it's a hassle for them to pick me up", until one day in Art class one of my friends looked me dead in the eye and said "God you're so fucking annoying, can you shut up, none of us like you leave us alone". These were friends that I had known for 10 years, and something inside of me just shattered. I stopped talking to people at school, I sat in the library at lunch alone and just read, I became that weird loner people don't talk to, I sat alone in class and didn't speak to anyone. When I moved cities at 15 it didn't get any better, I had constant anxiety that people were just pretending to be nice to me and in reality I was annoying and people didn't want me near them (when I'm comfortable with people I talk and a LOT), so I did the same thing, sat alone, didn't speak to anyone. This went up until I got an office job at 19, I met a group of people who actively encouraged and WANTED to hang out with me outside of work, and I can't even begin to tell you how happy it made me. I know the vibe I gave off "awkward introverted loner with the resting bitch face". Life got in the way and we all moved on. Since then? I'm comfortable being alone, workplaces and being around people now gives me so much anxiety that I've lost jobs over it and am thankful I have a WFH job where I don't have to interact with people face to face. I know I don't give off the best vibe, so I don't blame people for not wanting to be friends with me. I have so very few now it's honestly amazing to me that I managed to get into a stable relationship. I very much often wonder how my personality would have been if it wasn't for that horrendous "friend" back in high school. Edit- Wow there was some horrendous spelling in this. My bad

[@maggpiprime954]

I am so sorry this person's cruelty damaged your emotional development. What a burden they threw at you! I hope you heal from it and are able to come to terms with your true self on your own terms. Remember, we keep evolving throughout life, and so long as we're asking questions, we grow. Sounds like that little creep peaked in childhood.

[@NormaJean951]

Stop blaming that kid. He’s the only one who had the balls to tell you the truth. Sounds like you talk a lot about shit no one cares about.

[@indiashante1560]

OMGOODNESS I can relate to this so much. I have ADHD and wasn't diagnosed until I was 27. I am socially awkward until this day. I only take to my husband, kids, and mom because of it.

[@ruthbeamish8849]

So sorry for your dreadful experiences. People can be so cruel!!

[@alaaesong164]

@@ruthbeamish8849 I will stand by anyone when they say "highschool was cruel and the worst experience of my life", because it's so true for so many people.

[@lynnw7155]

Story 1: I suspect he's just a very independent person who doesn't need other people. Not rudely, but just doesn't go out of his way to try to fit in. That intimidates some people. If OP is a 'special person' to him, it could be a fantastic relationship.

[@KittenUndercover]

Or he’s been hurt too many times. That’s what happened to me.

[@mattashworth9744]

@@KittenUndercover Honestly he sounds a lot like me. Constantly excluded from stuff and nobody can honestly tell me why despite everyone telling me "oh no you're a sweetheart" or "no way dude you're way cool" or whatever. I've been burnt a lot and I don't really see the point in trying to 'fit in' anymore...a lot of current culture disgusts me and much of the rest just isn't my thing either, so I just do my own thing instead and that turned me into a very independent person in a lot of ways. Of course, that did nothing to curb my intense desires of finding my own "special person", of which I've had exactly zero luck in over the years...

[@ss.surprise]

Very possibly, this is it. If he is confident in his interests and genuinely himself and not full of toxic traits, people might be intimidated or feel more insecure around him that he isn't a gossip or flawed in some big key way. It may just be that people feel inferior and insecure because he is so genuinely wholesome and moral (possibly why people perceive him as religious). It also may just be as LGBT+ people, they're not as much into groupthink or impressing people over being themselves, so his personality fits in better with people that are well... actually into being themselves, rather than impressing others, trying to fit in or trying to cling to a specific reputation.

[@DCD762]

​@@KittenUndercover hmmm how to explain this... There are some men that do not share the same mind set of most men. Apart from being hurt ( yes i was hurt also a lot due to this ), this type is extremely rare. We don't share what other men see as " humor ". We don't share stuff like what we do with our partners in bed, many times feeling uncomfortable and even offended around men that does so. It's not being a " simp ", but we don't find fun in the usual Zexual banter most men tend to do regarding the female body, we have the tendency of not finding sports interesting, tend to be focused in helping and protecting others. To many this type of strength is mistaken as weakness. We also develop what is called " cold feelings ". While most take years to overcome pain, such when relationship ends, we are able to disconnect much faster from the person that hurt us, going through the hurt stages so fast that in less than a year whatever feelings we had for that person turn into nothing. Basically we don't even acknowledge their existence which is seen by many being worse than being hated We are highly respectful, extremely faithful and caring and protective of the ones we love, we tend to go all the way to help others. Unfortunately, this type of personality isn't very liked because it tends to make others uncomfortable for not being able to do the same and we end up shunned by society

[@natalieiliadis4177]

So guy had a good character - people shun him - justify it by saying a non religious dude is religious - that’s called unconscious biase

[@WadeAlma]

Or it’s because like they said, he shares no interests with the guys at his job. That makes conversation hard.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 1 I think we need way more info before assuming this is a red flag. I think most adults have difficulty making friends. I've had "work friends" who I chatted to at work, but those weren't people I'd hang out with socially or call for anything seriously. I'm looking for deep friendship and don't do small talk, so I have very few real friends. I'm also an introvert. So not having a lot of friends isn't a red flag by itself.

[@SilentSakura-]

For real. That first reply that was just “red flag” and then immediately into “superiority complex” was just bizarre. There’s grasping at straws, then there was this.

[@podunk_woman]

Yeah, the superiority complex comment smacks of an inferiority complex and resentment. Lol. Might not be, but that's how it felt

[@owl7072]

^^^^^ this. I've got a friend from my last job that I talk to occasionally, but we're not like, _friends_ friends basically. And I kinda drifted away from my friends from high school cause we developed different interests/lived too far away from each other. At least that's it in terms of irl friends, I have some online that I'm really close with and it all stems from the fact that I'm very introverted and don't talk much in person very often but can talk plenty over text.

[@anndownsouth5070]

I don't know if this is a thing, but I see myself as an outgoing introvert. I can start conversations with strangers and get along fine with lots of people, but I also like my own company. I also don't have real deep friendships. I have many co-workers that I get along with, and that has helped me out at times and me them.

[@joaolima7131]

​​@@anndownsouth5070 there is also the term ambiverted, that is a person in the middle of the 2

[@yvonnefobbs6232]

Last Story: I'm glad that you are happy but PLEASE KEEP YOUR FINANCIAL INFORMATION under lock and key!! People change a lot!!

[@devilty1654]

I hate the assumption that a person is disliked due to their own faults. Some cases it may be true, but an assumption like that can be dangerous. None of my bullying was ever from my fault that i know of. Had my whole year group excluding one very close friend torment me throughout my time at secondary school. I still couldn't tell you if I did anything to deserve it. I think the fact that I'm thriving now I'm out of there is sort of proof that I did nothing to deserve it. Art college saved me. I'm so grateful to have found people more like me

[@joaolima7131]

I hate that mentality too, it's like the person judging them, can't have flaws either. It have to be the shunned person that is the problem

[@poetryqn]

No one ever 'deserves' it.

[@ghost-husband]

same! I was bullied badly in 6th grade just for being quiet and not having many friends. I don't see how I "deserved" that.

[@SakuraMoonflower]

Especially when you consider that neurotypical children instinctively understand who is neurodiverse and work actively to exclude ND kids for that reason alone. It's bupkiss.

[@kausha7135]

I am also thriving now and people generally like me and go out of their way to have me around. I use to scoff when the idea was floated that they were jealous of me, but now I actually wonder.

[@ThatsViews]

If he isn't ASD I'd be shocked. This follows the history of someone near and dear to me who is excluded because she scares people by being "different."

[@Demonic_Culture_Nut]

Yeah, þe way OP dismissed þe possibility of neurodivergence sounds an awful lot like autism.

[@KSull6736]

This is really nice to see I’m often treated like I’m “weird” or just not right bc I’m neurodivergent. It’s made me way less outgoing and start to assume that others are judging me

[@TheSergio1021]

I think its rude to assume all loners are just neurodivergent. It implies both that neurodivergent people are incapable of having friends, and that if someone just isnt liked by the people in their area, then there's a mental issue because they cant make other people like them

[@nashty31113]

The friend in Story 2 refusing any money to pay off his house and student loans, but being so grateful towards a college fund for his daughter just made me so happy :)

[@carlrood4457]

I have to say OP's friend really sounds like a stand up guy, only accepting help for his child's education.

[@diamonddiva3204]

i was hoping someone would say what i was thinking i agree with you 100% on that that man is a true friend to op

[@Wander85942]

I don’t have friends as an adult. I tried for many years but all I knew was mistreatment so I’d pick the same type of people. Just feel like that part of my life is over.

[@KittenUndercover]

I feel you on this. While I do have friends, I can’t get close to anyone anymore because of past relationships, both friendships and romantic.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

I also only have 2 friends. My husband has none. When I got my autism diagnosis the psychologist fell over the few amount of close people I have in my life. Apparently you need to have at least 5+ friends you see x amount of times per month to be "socially healthy." I disagree fully with this. Why do we need to push ourselves to fit in to a certain standard? Some people love having 100 people around them all the time, while others are fine with just seeing colleagues at work. I myself already have enough interaction just from having my kids and husband around me 😂. Not having too many friends also gives the privilege of being able to plan your free time however I feel like, instead of needing to plan gatherings or meet ups with everyone to not neglect all these friendships.

[@beebs4283]

Have you tried online friendships? It’s a roll of the dice too much I’ve had much better luck finding people I connect to that way instead of somehow magically finding people I connect to out of happenstance in real life.

[@Poke-Chann]

My friend making hack after highschool has been dnd. Such an easy way to make close friends fast.

[@inkdemon64mclemore57]

Same.. Being a woman myself, I found other women to be nothing but drama that I don't need, and some men don't understand the concept of just friends... Now my husband has tons of friends lol.. I like not having to deal with drama lol..

[@madalice5134]

Story 1- One of my best friends is a guy who sounds a lot like OP's husband. Almost all of his friends are women or LGBTQ. He's just a genuine and stand up guy that doesn't fit the stereotypical mold for guys, so LGBTQ people and women feel safe around him because of this. He isn't aggressive , doesn't hit on people who are his friends and is very kind and respectful of people unless they do something bad to him or someone he cares about.

[@katraylor]

Yeah, I was wondering if the "shunning" in school started because he wouldn't go along with something shitty his friend group was doing...

[@madalice5134]

@katraylor It wouldn't surprise me. People can be really shitty to decent human beings who don't go along with crappy things, or call out bad behavior.

[@WadeAlma]

He might just be a wet blanket.

[@TheSergio1021]

Curious, how successful is he dating women?

[@ajzephyros7454]

As someone else Neurodivergent, he still gives me neurodivergent vibes. Maybe not severely neurodivergent but I think there's a touch there

[@kampar82]

As an engineer and a father of two slightly neurodivergent children, I second this. I also have very specific interests. Only friends I have kept share this trait.

[@J_Isak]

Same I've had similar things happen to me so it's like a neon sign saying "neurodivergent" to me

[@nothintoreadhere6168]

This , I read somewhere that neurodivergent sometimes unintentionally creep neurotypical people off because alot of social cues are missed

[@CeruleanStar]

As a neurodivergent person myself, I'd have to agree. Even in that short post, he already checks the boxes in the DSM-5 for autism. Of course, he'd need more examples of these traits than what was mentioned in the post, but given what OP said about him, I find it unlikely he doesn't have them. It makes me wonder if OP looked up resources that gave too specific of examples of what autism looks like. Any questionaire or resource that lists specific examples of the DSM-5 autism criteria and scores you based on those examples fail to take into account the presentations that would fall outside of those examples. It can also be difficult to determine what exactly some of the criteria is referring to if you don't have someone walking you through it. I find that while people very rarely wrongly self diagnose themselves as autistic, people very commonly wrongly self diagnose themselves as not autistic until a specialist or someone with a lot of knowledge about it walks them through it. This is especially likely if they are high-masking.

[@LadyFYRN]

He's got a bit of spice to him

[@puppychan2086]

Story 1, I have social anxiety and I'm very shy. I've come to terms that most people are extroverts and it's a lot easier for them to be close to other extroverts. He's just different, as long as he's a good partner then don't worry about him and worry about the "friends". Real friends don't exclude you on purpose, they except that you're different.

[@veronica5lmaa]

Even as an extrovert it's not easy to make friends as an adult. I'm 30 and all my friends are people I've met in school or college. Basically I never made a friend after I reach 23 yo. This bothers me a lot because some of my friends have distanced a lot from me and I fear I will end up without "real" friends in my life. Adulthood is hard AF

[@indiashante1560]

Story 1: I have social anxiety and am extremely awkward around people. I feel like people judge me and I come off weird. I don't even try to make friends anymore.

[@ItsYaBoiV]

Story 2: Honestly, I don't really care how much money my partner has so long as they're smart with their money. I think keeping separate finances is a smart choice, and the decision to make joint accounts should be a discussion reserved for marriage or when children are involved. Maybe it's my paranoia, but I'm a firm believer in never being solely dependant on another person.

[@t.matthies3049]

Agreed. I do think if you're married, it makes sense to have a joint account for shared expenses, but each person should still have their own account.

[@truthseeker9249]

​@@t.matthies3049 absolutely. Once me and my boyfriend will start a joint account immediately for our place and are determined to make that account bigger once we're married and having children. In a perfect world, we would want to be able to put all our children through college without any student debts. My mom couldn't afford to send me to college and his parents couldn't either. But we want that for our kids. Anything that they want to do when they grow up we want to be able to help them all that we can.

[@sandeesandwich2180]

S1: That "boring" life is about to get a whole lot more interesting by at least a factor of two -- congrats on the twins!!

[@carlrood4457]

I've always kind of been an "out of sight, out of mind" type person. I've never really known why. When people see me, they will approach and have conversations with me, but if I don't happen to be around when they're making plans I rarely get called while present I've seen them include others. It's been common throughout my life, no matter the friend group. I've lost a lot of friends due to eventually being the only one making the effort when we don't see each other regularly due to school, work, etc.

[@jeanipin3430]

Just listened to the first part of this and it reminds me a lot of myself. I don't make friends easily although everyone says what a 'nice' person I am, whatever that means. I am a very private person and find a lot of people don't like that. I don't gossip, if anyone says don't tell anyone but, well, I don't tell anyone, not even my husband. I am a good listener but not a good talker. Like this man, I am friendly and will help anyon, though when I think about my life, no one but my husband has ever done anything for me. So wondering if it is solely because of not 'airing my laundry' to everyone. My private life is just that. Also cannot stand to go out with the girls just to sit and watch them drink as much as they can in as little time as possible, like everyone else in the place, then make complete fools of themselves. That, to me, is just not fun. 2nd story. Loved this so much, especially the way his fiancee took the news of his win. He has a real winner in that young lady, wish them al the luck and love they can handle, greatest ending

[@jenniferdaniels701]

Same here. And the comment about people somehow knowing when someone is neurodivergent makes sense to me. I was diagnosed with social anxiety a few years ago, and I think I've had it since I was 7, so around 30 years undiagnosed. Maybe that's why I didn't have friends.

[@imajinallthepurple]

​@@jenniferdaniels701 Yep, same here. Social anxiety and all.

[@jeanipin3430]

@@jenniferdaniels701 I have always, up to my 40's, been very shy. Believe I have social anxiety, asked someone about that, they confirmed, yes you do have that. I am not so bad now, still don't enjoy being in a crowd, but feel as you get older you don't stress so much. Have never cared what people think of me, as I know I am basically a good person. Have had some good friends, though they rarely seek me out so neither do I. Lose contact eventually.

[@SCP01986]

Are we related? This hits so close to home.

[@paden1865able]

I'm not neuro typical but I'm very good at masking it, you wouldn't really know unless you've been around me since I was a little child. I prefer to be with my son and husband but can be social but I'm exhausted for a day or two afterwards. People come to me when they need or want something from me then avoid me once they have it. It hurts, yeah, but I've learned to shake it off and not get used.

[@floran3098]

I know op suggested her partner might not be neurodivergent, but i feel like it requires more than one little look at information to figure that out. It took me literally years of therapy before i was convinced i was.

[@VanityZERO]

It isn’t always easy to form and maintain relationships/friendships with other people. For me I’m in a similar position as OP partner where my partner has plenty of friends while I don’t really have any. It’s not always a red flag it’s just shit that happens.

[@joaolima7131]

Seriously, even in the video comments section, there are people who apparently have something against introverts. And instantly assume he might be a jerk in desguise and not surrounded by jerks, this is especially common in many work environments

[@tabortoothtiger7580]

My dad is a very social guy, but my mom wasn't a very social person. She had like two really close trusted friends that I knew anything about, and they live states away. My mom went through a lot in her life, and she was just not a social person. When you did get to know her, she was an absolute gem, but her chronic depression and PTSD from some horrible shit when she was a kid, made it so she just wasn't into being around a lot of people. My dad talks to literally anybody. One time, we were hours from home at a drs appointment for me, and I had to go to get my blood drawn. This dude, my dad, decided to start a conversation with a random couple in the waiting room. And they were into it. He's just a very open and funny guy. But he did draw back when he was with my mom, and never crossed her boundaries or made her do anything she didn't want to. He understood that she just wasn't a social person like he is. He loved her anyways. They worked around both of their quirks and were willing to do it because they loved each other. Sadly, she passed in 2021 very suddenly, and left my dad with a lot of heartache. He's worked to move forward and is dating a very lovely woman who seems to have a lot in common with him and is understanding of his widow status and the fact that she's not the first woman he's loved. Honestly, friends come and go like the seasons. Some people just aren't meant to have a lot of friends. And that's fine. It makes it so much more meaningful when they do find a small group of people that accept and love them and want to be there, and you cherish those small amount of friends all the more. Better to have a small group of friends that truly care, than to have 100 plus friends who are only surface level and don't care as much as you do.

[@GiordanDiodato]

as someone whose dad is a retired architectural engineer, this sounds like him a lot. he doesn't have many friends, but he's really good at what he does. in his retirement, he just watches movies, surfs the web for something interesting, or watches the news (thankfully not Fox, but I digress). He was also close with my old cat (who sadly passed in 2017) than with most other people.

[@valgreensteel3898]

In adulthood, I no longer have friends. I found myself in a constant loop of being the “motherly, caring and providing emotional (sometimes financial) stability for everyone” only for them to make me their scapegoat IE, the one they didn’t really care about but, wanting me to constantly be there for them.

[@Grace_x68]

S1 My daughter has aspergers. She has terrible difficulty in making friends. The "normal" people from her age group tend to reject her (she has one extremely good friend her age ). What I've seen the past few years is that older women tend to appreciate her a lot more than her own generation. She loves to knit and crochet and started sewing lessons. She is nearly 26 and is studying to become a teacher (kiddos also tend to migrate to her ). It's as if her generation (in my country at least ) is too shallow to approve of her. She's highly introverted but very clever. She doesn't care about selfies and make up. Due to this she was bullied really bad at school. (she has 4 women friends over 45). I actually feel sorry for OP's BF.

[@jessereyna6662]

Story2: very lucky guy and I am not talking about the money. He truly has a great friend and what looks like someone that loves him for him. The money is just a bonus.

[@jackspring7709]

OP should ask her friend group what's up. It's difficult to know what the issue is at work: it may even be down to jealousy. Clearly he's a high achiever: maybe his colleagues resent that - and OP's friend group began to blank him after he moved away from their social scene: maybe they took that as an insult. There's not enough details to make a judgement, 'though.

[@carlrood4457]

In this day, while $4 million is still a lot of money, it's also an amount that can be squandered fairly quickly if not managed properly. People have spent away far more.

[@witheredrose357]

S 1 just an introvert that others call "weird" and avoid but instead of it being middle school, its freak'n adults.

[@jackchop1576]

I wish story 2 luck tbh. Money can seriously change people for the worst.

[@lynnw7155]

That one sounded like an O'Henry story. She's embarrassed by her debt, he's embarrassed that he didn't tell her he had a lot of money.

[@joaolima7131]

Money doesn't change people, it reveals who they really are, clichê I know

[@KittenUndercover]

@@joaolima7131 some cliches are rooted in truth..this one definitely is

[@madarawijerathne276]

Some people feel threatened when someone is perfect without faults they think very human to have. Faults they justified for themselves, seeing a person without that faults make them hyper aware of their shortcomings so decided to cutting them off labeling wierd, uptight or too perfect seem great coping mechanism.

[@theurbanfarmlife7311]

My boyfriend is an engineer. They are complex people. Very confident . Not everyone can get along with this type of personality. It takes some getting use too. But he would give his shirt off his back. He will go the extra mile in what ever project he is task with. Alot a man can find this intimidating. I love his mind. I love personality and his kindness.

[@mayfl0wers]

Story 1- I can relate to OP's husband. When I was younger, I was super shy and quiet, and a little nerdy. While I did activities like cheerleading and choir, I also was into anime, drawing, etc. I found my group amongst the misfits and weirdos. When I was in cheer, I didnt have alot in common with alot of the girls, even though our common interest was cheer. It was alienating but I came to appreciate my weirdo friends. They were better friends to me than anyone else. I've also just grown into my personality and that its about the quality of my friendships and not the quantity.

[@JMac7395]

Last Story: what OP did was smart. Most lottery winners run through their money within a year or two because they splurge on so many expensive items & give away so much money to entitled people that don't care about them. OP made the right decision to tell his fiancée before they got married. He already knows that she's with him for love. She said yes before ever finding out about his bank account amount.

[@darkage1524]

Story 2 the ending is amazing the 2 of them realise they don't need to hide anything from each other and can just be happy together honestly these types of stories are incredibly rare these days

[@animefallenangel]

Story 1 - My dad's an engineer and I had noticed growing up that even though he's a very sociable guy and does make friends easily, he doesn't really KEEP friends very well. He's inching on 80 now and he has virtually no friends even though he's very kind, smart and funny. He does occasionally hear from old work colleagues he's friendly with who reconnect but never enough to actually socialise with, and he doesn't find it easy to make friends now he's an older gentleman (which is part of the problem, since he says he doesn't want to "feel old" by socialising with "old farts" 😅)

[@JohnSmith-xq1pz]

**Goes full Spartan** THIS IS WAFFLES!!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Lol

[@Harleyxjokerforever]

Story 2) have a long engagement. Keep an eye on whether the GF behavior changes.

[@veronica5lmaa]

Exactly. OP should wait to see what she says and does with this info. If she starts overspending or asking OP to buy things or lent money for her friends and family is a redflag.

[@FunSizeSpamberguesa]

@@veronica5lmaa The fact that she wanted to protect him from her debt with a prenup is hopefully a good indicator of her character. All too often you hear stories about prospective spouses doing the opposite.

[@dannyholland7209]

I mean the man said they agree that in a pre nup divorce his winning are his. but interest etc will be marital asets. He's doing it right.

[@InvasionAnimation]

I'm like the dude in story 1, many people are simply dirtbags.

[@filliaa3661]

I like that comment that pointed out that his co workers might not want to hang out with him cuz they like to joke around crudely, and that makes so much sense.

[@dabdabthethird2410]

Story 1: I have been shunned OFTEN from friend groups and it all boiled down to one thing: I was unchangeably against bigotry, I didn’t forgive abusers or SA’ers and if I was wronged I wanted a genuine apology. Those 3 simple facts ended 4 long term friendships

[@k3upikachu]

I have ADHD and have always had a hard time making real friendships with neurotypical people; just always felt like I couldn't be myself and was so much happier when I stopped masking/trying to force being normal. Most of my friends are neurodivergent in some way or otherwise "different", and I've always felt an instant connection when first meeting someone who became a good friend. Socializing is so much less stressful when you accept that you won't fit in everywhere 😊

[@molly-zx9cr]

“He just has some very specific interests” babe that sounds like autism to me.

[@mickymcbryan4814]

Story 1 - I’ve had this problem a lot. It’s been described as “eerie” and “intimidating” when people first meet me and it makes it hard for them to grow close to me. Only LGBT+ and Neurodivergent people seem able to get around that and this every friend I makes I later to learn to be one or both of these things. I know exactly why people are this way. I’m autistic but an incredibly effective masker. But when the “mask” is on, it comes off as uncanny valley to NT people, like I’m overly polite and hiding something. It makes them not want to be around me more than necessary. Vs ND and LGBT+ folks who are used to being shunned by society as well and relate to me more than they find anything “eerie” about me. So I, a bi autistic, just stick to the folks that don’t treat me like I’m a scary doll haunting them

[@glitchyglitchy3925]

I remember that first story. It's good that the reasons were very mundane. I've also never hung out with coworkers outside of work or anything. They're fine people and we've always gotten along well, interacting with others all the time is just very tiring for me and I enjoy my privacy. Although despite that, a lot of people will tell me really personal things about their lives... I don't know if I understand it.

[@shydog7276]

I appreciate story 1 for everything that it is. OP loves her husband but she noticed her husband doesn't seem to be super well received by other people in her life outside a certain group and is taking the time to step back and see if there's something she's missed. I'm glad it ultimately wasn't anything to report back on, that she only really got good feedback and was able to talk to her husband. It's just nice to have a pretty healthy and boring story sometimes lol.

[@stirlingarcher7972]

Story 1: why would having a child mean OP has to close off one side of her sexuality? Bisexual people can have children

[@notevenlistening6072]

I think she means that her focus will shift to her child, leaving no time to explore relationships outside the family unit

[@VNCstudios]

She means that she will never be with another woman in her life again. She isn't saying she won't be bi but its part of her life that will basically be left in the past.

[@sadraccoonboy]

Ikr like I know what she’s saying but she definitely worded it weird lmao

[@hello93617]

Believe it or not, some people prioritize their children's needs and future over their own desires. Now, I wouldn't say that makes them not Bi anymore, for the same reason that a single gay guy in his 80s is still gay even though he's not sexually active anymore.

[@owl7072]

I'm pretty sure that's not what Op meant lol Having a kid is a huge commitment, and _usually_ something people only do with someone they plan to spend the rest of their life with, so unless these two split or become poly/open, then that side of her sexuality, while still existing, is "closed" either temporarily or permanently depending on how the relationship goes. She'd be with him meaning she wouldn't be dating anymore meaning the option of dating women is off the table until further notice. Maybe there was a better way Op could have worded it but that's what I got from it.

[@RiverWoods111]

Story 1, the way Ops fiancé is being treated is exactly how autistic and ADHD or Neurodivergent people are treated. It is ableism. They don't like us because we aren't just like them. They can't even explain why they don't like us or they will just say, we are weird. She described a neurodivergent human being perfectly. She and her friends wouldn't have noticed it because they are likely the same. NDs are extremely accepting of others and their differences. Most NDs don't even know they are ND.

[@las9582]

Some people aren't comfortable around people that are healthy and independent. That sounds like him based on the feedback she got from other people.

[@TruthSayer2007]

I’m like OP and one day I asked my best friend, “What is it about me that’s off putting?” Her answer astonished me. “You keep it real and tell the truth. A lot of people can’t take the truth, but I can and I love you for that.” It really opened my eyes to how people just want you to ride along with their BS and if you call them out, they hate it.

[@hothotheat3000]

Even the worst people have friends. He’s being excluded for a reason. OP doesn’t see how he is around these people who exclude him. She’s operating on limited data.

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Maintaining friends is so hard as an adult. I'm clinging to friends I made from my old job.

[@blackbird4852]

Story 1 somehow made me both happy and sad at the same time. I'm glad he has OP and her friends, and sad he had such a rough go at it with friends. And I firmly disagree that not having friends is a red flag. Sure, paired with other things it could be, but just that? Nah. Can have so many reasons, situational, bad experiences, or that the people you attract naturally do not lead to healthy relationships, and you either manage to figure out how to avoid that or not. Or any mix of these and so many other factors. Glad to hear he is not alone now. Story 2 was just awesome! Lottery wins lead to bad situations so often, but honestly this seems handled perfectly, and congrats to OP for having some truly good people in his life!

[@aba1design]

Story 1 had me thinking of how many woman don't always get how many men relate with each other. Men tend to mock and tease eachother. It's all in good fun and everyone just has a laugh at themselves. Some guys are too straight edge or too emotionally frail to handle it. This creates a situation where guys can be uncomfortable around that type of person because you can't be authentic and you don't trust thst person to emotionally control themselves.

[@WadeAlma]

The guy sounds like a wet blanket. He can’t make male friends because he’s too straight edge and boring.

[@Reddazes]

I find the "most people thought he was super religious" part in story 1 super relatable lol My work persona is extremely professional and very subdued- I worked at a company for 6 years and found out later that the majority of my coworkers thought I was Mormon. Which... Considering I'm a foul mouthed, pan, LGBTQ+, pagan is hilarious. It's definitely possible to have your coworkers never realize your actual personality if you don't interact with them in a non-professional environment

[@HadrianGuardiola]

Its crazy how many are casually unprofessional at work.

[@kaltonic]

honestly, some people just dont really like other people who are too innocent or too perfect, is what im guessing

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

Story 1: Here's what's actually going on. She DOES NOT want to give up sleeping with women to be monogamous with him. So she's becoming hypervigilant looking for a reason to leave him. Now she's pregnant. This will not end well for him.

[@lnaph]

No. Lol. Valid concern.

[@PardonSylver]

Okay, valid concern, but no. Surely everyone has, at least in passing, heard some variation of "If you meet 5 people today and they were all assholes, maybe you, as the common factor, were the actual asshole." Remember that all OP has to go on is that her SO had a friend group in his childhood that eventually started excluding him and that this was a pattern in SO's social life. He'd try to make friends but eventually he starts getting alienated and othered and then he's back to being friendless. This pattern of social outcasting has also extended to OP's own family where, despite SO's expertise and willingness to help her family, OP's brother would much rather take his chances at getting scammed and overcharged for subpar work than ask for help from SO. That's concerning. Because you have to think "what is everyone seeing that I'm not?" It gets increasingly worrisome when you consider that OP has been trying to conceive with this man. And when you realize that the vast majority of people this man has met has developed some kind of aversion to him, you have to worry about "when's the mask going to drop?" Because better be cautious than blindsided.

[@shybiscket]

Story 1. It's sounded like OP's husband was just a positive person over all which can be grating to some but not Husband's fault in any way. Story 2: trust and Prenuptials. Glad OP did bring it up.

[@goon61]

Only part way through the first story but he seems neurodivergent. Ive had the same struggles my whole life

[@joaolima7131]

That or he is surrounded by assholes

[@shootingcomet082]

I still find Story 1 suspicious. I can't imagine choosing to spend what must've been thousands of dollars on a contracting company, and a bad one at that, rather than asking an engineer in the family who'd be willing to do the work for free, because the dude's too wholesome.

[@lnaph]

Same ........

[@socahha]

Story 1: A man who works hard, wants to be a partner, doesn't discriminate against people. The new example of a suitable partner. Dude was ahead of his time.

[@D123-f9k]

Story 1 made me SUPER uncomfortable because it basically describes my social all through school and every new group of people I’ve been enmeshed with. A so called “friend” from work even tried to throw me under the bus with drugs were found in a company car I hadn’t ridden in for months.

[@TheDurid1]

4:37 This one hits home. Passive- aggressive people letting a bunch of drama build up, and pretending it's nothing. Would rather watch even close 'friends' fall into suicidal depression rather than risk being yelled at even a little. 🤢😵

[@sgtjarhead99]

Story 1 - If OP is so concerned that not having red flags is a red flag, she should do her SO justice and just f'ng leave. He deserves better.

[@TheMimiSard]

Story 1 - I will say, I was thinking Aspergers could be a thing, but a mild case, like mine. I don't have overstimulation issues, I am reasonably socially competent, barring having problems meeting eyes, and a tendency to gravitate to my interests. But if OP has not worked out anything that way, that is up to them. I hope their life goes really well, especially with upcoming children.

[@threeducks157]

I was in a similar situation, except my winning were... a couple of hundred times larger. Luckily my family was super chill about it and didn't hot me up for money, charities on the other hand were a nightmare... I was terrified of women approaching me solely for money so I was closed off from relationships for a while, that is untill my wife came along. I didn't really hid the fact that I had money rather i didn't act too "flashy". I opened a couple of restaurants and actively work there so she thought i was a relugar manager. She did grow suspicious and one day asked me to go to my house. I hadn't done so before as I was a single dad and we only been dating for 4 months, and didn't want to introduce partners so early to my daughter. While I do dress modestly i tend to show off in 2 ways. One being cars, i love me my imports and super cars, second is my house, or as my oldest daughter calls it "the castle" its a 14 bedroom custom built house. Needless to say her jaw hit the floor when we pulled up to my house. She was upset I lied by omission, but we worked trough it.

[@KittenUndercover]

Wow congrats. You’re living the dream!

[@mattl6300]

Story 1: Men tend to find groups that they are comfortable in. If a guy doesn't fit into that group, he will not be included in that group because the guys in the group won't be comfortable around him. Story 2: Keep quiet, keep your finances your business alone, tell no one. Edit: he messed up, o well. She just came up big time in the divorce.

[@veronica5lmaa]

Story 1: I think OP is worried about the wrong person. It seems like her family are the ones who are dirtbags. Some people are just bullies forever. Also, why is OP calling their mutual friends HER FRIENDS? I mean, I don't think the husband is the problem at all. Story 2: OP I'm happy you will marry someone you love, but please sign a prenup. A lot of people become monsters when money enters the chat.

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

Are they not her friends??? My friends are my friends even if they're my gfs friends too. I'd be more worried that the husband "enjoys" that she's bi

[@Batman-lg2zj]

She never thought her boyfriend was the problem .

[@Batman-lg2zj]

@@ohboy-zi1yf shut up dude and op is loyal to her boyfriend.

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

@Batman-lg2zj ??? I never said op wasn't loyal lmao real sus that you're assuming that. There's a difference between accepting someone being bi and "enjoying" someone being bi. Bi women are fetishized all the time esp by straight male partners I was worried abt op 🤷‍♂️

[@plantemor]

Ive always had issues with friendships too. It's not difficult to make friends, but to keep them is. Whether that is because we grow apart or arent compatible in the long run, I just find that I lose friends constantly and I've found peace with that fact. Nothing lasts forever and that's okay. You dont have to have something wrong with you to fail at friendships. Sometimes you just dont have luck on your side. I definitely have friends currently, but I have also gotten so used to losing friends that at this point, I'm just enjoying the times we share and i hold no expectations that I'm gonna be a part of their lives forever. I think a lot of people are like this and this idea of life long friend groups are more of a myth than an actuality for most people. I'm happy for those who have life long friends, but it isn't a given for everybody and some of us will bave to go through a lot of friendships before finding people we can hold on to for a little longer than the others. :)

[@SnowWolfAlpha]

I'm neurodivergent too and have always struggled to make friends. I can't stand alcohol either which excludes me from a lot of social gatherings. I'm very guarded because I don't have much of a filter and have to watch what I say and can't bare the idea of alcohol taking that away because these are people that I work with.

[@gigga143]

S1: Glad she came to her senses. I really felt bad for him cause I was like she’s really reconsidering her relationship with a man who has been great to her, been an ally to her LGBT+ group of friends, has a great job he excels in and does charity work because regular smegular people don’t like him? It made me feel bad that the one person he thought he could count on was wavering on him because other people aren’t friendly to him. Anyways, I wish nothing but the best for OP and especially her partner.

[@Objective-Observer]

Good Guy is too Wholesome- jumping jehosaphat, she is still in denial. I'm autistic, but very high functioning. Everything she said, was reflective of me or a sibling who is also autistic. Autistic people aren't born with the Rules and Guide Book to social interaction and/or social constructs. Everything most folks are born with, we have to learn It. All. We do learn, the more we interact with others, so we learn how to function in public. Oh, and we DON'T like a huge number of friends, because they are over stimulating. We are Introverts and OCD, so we do things in very specific manners and we do them the same way everytime. Yes, most of the time, we can see people treat us differently, but we don't always recognize why, so that we can change it. Honestly, it's much easier to befriend other 'outcasts' where no one judges your ability to conform to societal norms.

[@agentzapdos4960]

Yeah, this is why my friends in every school I was sent to were always either the gay kids, the theatre kids, or the stoners. There's usually a lot of cross-pollination between the three.

[@rutyqutykandi1361]

LOL story one, I had people in high school believe I was some sort of passive UwU type or something because it took a while before I finally swore at someone.

[@fishsticks3729]

It’s very common for ppl w adhd to not have a good “vibe” it happens to me personally and it sounded like u described my life. It’s like we operate on a slightly different plane of thought that’s off putting. there was a study that said that 70% or smthn of adhd children experience severe rejection from someone they felt a strong connection to by second grade.

[@MimosaRose]

My daughter is autistic (5 years) and she is so bright and imaginative. She wants to be social and included, but sometimes has difficulty involving herself in group play. It makes me sad to see her try and at times get rebuffed.

[@VictoriaMorganawesometori]

Story 2. I wish that couple have a long and happy and beautiful marriage. :)

[@DaniS398]

"See if she's only in it for the money"? She doesn't even know he has money. Why is he testing her? Why would he think she's with him for the money she doesn't even know he has.

[@shadowm2k7]

That first story makes me so emotional, this keeps happening to me too and i just don't understand. I'd give ANYTHING to have a close group of friends but every time i try to connect with people irl it fizzles out so fast

[@cycy1578]

Last story: wait till you’re dead. It’s savings at this point

[@TheOmegaRiddler]

In the second story, on top of the accountant, OP should have a lawyer on retainer. He has family that are likely come after him for money if they learn the truth. If he has a lawyer on retainer, he wouldn't have to worry about fighting people wanting his money, as the lawyer's sole job is to run interference. He may never have to use the lawyer but it's better to have one ready. It's a piece of advice I heard about winning the lottery. In most cases, you'll have people wanting money. If you have a lawyer set up how they get their money, you legally cover your arse so they can't come back for more.

[@J-tron-ke2fn]

Story 1: most probably, people feel inferior when he's around and hence they shun him

[@juanrangel3535]

Story 1: Alright, am i the only one who thinks this guy is just FUCKING PERFECT? I want to be like him when i grow and i have 23 fucking years

[@lizzykayOT7]

There is a lot of social stigma against not being social, whether it's picking on introverts or ND folks, but OP's hubby sounds like he already fits into society and within certain groups. He can look online for clubs or groups that he can join, instead of work colleagues. Or even other like strangers that also just want someone to hang with.

[@missamanda2703]

My husband is that way. He was bullied in school, and all of our friends are my friends. My husband has been amazing for 20 years. My husband isn't a Chad and won't do typical bro shit. Like bar after work or party all weekend he always has chosen me and my son. So, between his extreme intelligence , he is off-putting because he has trust issues he won't shop talk and disrespect me. Won't spend 3 hours a night at the bar he wants to be with his family. I think you have a keeper. At least my experience from the last 19 years of marriage and 21 years of life.

[@sunnykitten815]

Story 1. My hubby as long as I have known him he never said he has friends. He has "a guy he used to know". My hubby only has 3 soon to be 4 friends. Me, out 2 kids and the unborn one I'm carrying.

[@s.t.652]

Story 1 - I don't think there are red flags but there are some possibilities. 1) Sometimes people just gel with certain people. Maybe his co-workers just click and excluding him isn't anything bad toward him, but just that his co-workers have a more natural ease with each other. 2) If not, then in conversation, does he listen and ask questions about others as much as he talks? 3) Is he ever over eager? If you are acquaintances with someone and try to push things forward without it developing more organically, it can seem like you are trying too hard and people don't always respond well.

[@hollyberry0602]

The comment in story 1 about being neurodivergent makes sense. I know there's a thing in the autism community where it's common to be bullied or teased in school and you have absolutely no idea why, I definitely didn't know why I got bullied and discovered years later I was autistic. The boyfriend sounds really nice from OP's description of him, I can't imagine there being a particularly bad reason for him not fitting in with others. Also him being better friends with LGBT folks made me smile, a large majority of my friends are also LGBT lol

[@VainVanitas]

I feel this story 1 all too much. It's like almost everyone in my past has abandoned me. I can't help but feel like something is wrong with me. The few people who have stayed (or came back) say it's not me, but how can it not be? It hurts to always be left out and left behind, and I'm glad she didn't do the same thing to him.

[@TheLugiaSong]

If no one has said a reason, it might just be rotten luck you haven't found people you vibe with. I know I struggle to vibe with a lot of folks, sodding neurodiversity things eh, haha. But there will certainly be people out there like you and I'm sure you'll find folks you vibe well with one day. I hope that is soon for you.

[@VainVanitas]

@Mint Mochi my boyfriend's family has been very accepting so far, but because of my past I always fear it's because they feel obligated to. But I'm definitely working on trying to have a better mindset because I don't want it to be a self fulfilling prophecy. Edit: words

[@CaulkMongler]

I’ll say this, I’m still friends with my school friends and our group has expanded to include people from all years. We’re very close and while some of us have moved we try to see each other at least once a year. Making new friends in all my 20’s has certainly been a trial, especially after teaching myself to not hold potential new friendships to the impossibly high standard of ppl I was essentially raised alongside with. I actually personally prefer not to keep “work friends” strictly at work, as I feel I don’t want to mix work with personal feelings. And I’m already at work 40-ish hours a week, I don’t want to feel like I’m investing my free time into something/one that isn’t really separated from my work. Aside from that, my best guess is that good looking straight guys who are wholesome occupy a strange space in high power positions. They’re expected to act like asshole bros, and him being so nice and not invested in drama for sure will be a turn off for high powered positions where everything is a power play or posturing contest.

[@DanaTheInsane]

I’m one of these people. No matter how hard I try I just alienate everybody. I hate it. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I try so hard and people just hate me on sight. I’m so depressed about it and I’m so tired of being alone, I can hardly stand it. If I did not have my partner, I don’t think I could survive.

[@jeancarbonneau6966]

In story 1, I really don't see any red flags in OPs relationship with her boyfriend. I have no friends in my life currently. I have an acquaintance that I talk to from time to time but that's it. We barely hang out together but we're able to have friendly conversations from time to time. I don't like going out very much anymore unless I have to. I talk to people who work in stores but that's about it. I rarely talk to anyone else. The few times I go out to visit someone is my mom. I have an online relationship with a girl in Miami while I'm living in Sherbrooke Québec Canada. We text message each other whenever she wants to talk to me but not every day. This is how my life is. As for OPs boyfriend, he probably doesn't enjoy being social very much. When he is, he can't be going out because of how people see him. He sounds like a great guy who is willing to help people he likes and try to be friends with them. The fact that he may be trying to hard to be friends could be a reason why no one wants to be his friend. I don't know what else it could be but from the story OP wrote, I think that him trying to hard could be the reason why people are afraid to be his friend.

[@jaycehoward2771]

He won the lottery before they had ever dated. So honestly why would he ever share what he has in his bank account. Especially since they are financially independent.

[@lacewinglml]

the second story ended so wholesome!

[@HoneyBakedHamlet]

The husband in story 1 sounds like an undiagnosed autistic person. (I say this with a touch of the 'tism myself.) Edit: this guy is so much like me, its crazy. I'm literally in the process of painting my entire house at the moment because home DIY is a hyperfixatuon of mine. This story hurts my heart so much, hey.

[@lovelylunette8335]

Story 1: All I needed to hear was "masters in engineering" 😂😂😂

[@ceeshnia]

I would rather have an uneventful update, than a soul-wrenching one for those involved. Sounds like he is too genuine of a person for people to handle; how someone acts forces us to reflect on ourselves, which can be uncomfortable.

[@CatsandDragons7]

I relate to the husband in story 1 so much tbh. My whole life I’ve had a hard time making and maintaining friendships. Especially in school. I have a few close friends now but, I get it so much.

[@JasperCatProductions]

3 million is a great amount of money, not enough to destroy your life, but enough to be comfy. The key don’t go freaking nuts, don’t tell folks about your money! Except your partner. Have an awesome lawyer accountant tax specialist. Keep a job, but one you can enjoy! Don’t waste it on bs. You gotta be smart or you will be broke!

[@dronetrucker]

When you are multi talented and make other men feel inferior, due to knowledge in many different fields.

[@stillvisibletoallusers]

Story 2. One of those commenters was treating keeping winning the lotto to himself as a betrayal akin to having a secret child or something. Why can't it just be viewed as a healthy savings? Goodness gracious.

[@aikaameya3930]

I've made a few friends like OPs boyfriends in the past, and it usually goes one of 2 ways. Either they deserve to be isolated due to their behaviour or bad personality, or theyre totally normal or even wonderful people. The difference between the two is usually if there are any other red flags, even seemingly "small" ones. This sort of thing is something to keep an eye on and consider, but it isnt always their fault.

[@YoYo-gt5iq]

I just came here to say, "1000 views in 12 minutes?!?!?!?!?!!?!!!! Well done, sir." You are an inspiration that persistence can pay off. ETA: I know you like to know where we are when listening. I'm in my bedroom, putting off the trip the church, but now must go.