My Best Friend Of 30 Years Ghosted Me So I'm Considering Ending Our Friendship r/Relationships

[@WolframKKM]

Proposing at someone else's wedding is so freaking trashy 😒 can everyone collectively just get over it?

[@absolutelyridiculous6743]

It is very trashy.

[@WyntheRogue]

Well, given the bride gave a generous tip to OP, she is more than likely glad he ran interference, especially if the brother in question is known for upstaging big milestones [This is me speculating as it does feel like the bride was pressured to let the proposal happen at the wedding]. I'm not religious but it's very clear OP was the guardian angel DJ that day and NOT the asshole.

[@JoshD8705]

It's only acceptable if the bride and groom offered.

[@CircusoftheMoon]

@@JoshD8705 Exactly, only if they offer first. As soon as you ask permission it’s immediately trashy even if the couple says yes.

[@Tyanna01]

Story 3: Bride paid in full, and gave a large tip. That is all OP needs to know. He did the right thing by the bride and groom on their day. Everyone else can go pound sand.

[@ellorasg4525]

The double pay speaks for itself 😊

[@Mia-dt3gl]

I think Kevin in Story 3 is the Golden Child and the bride is too used to him getting his way that she went with the flow. I think the fact that she gave a _double_ tip to OP, that she didn’t reprimand OP for what he did, and most importantly _didn’t tell OP that a proposal was happening_ is proof enough to me that she didn’t know about the proposal. But she’s not going to say anything outright about it because if she commends OP it may get back to her family and her family will give her hell for it.

[@ellorasg4525]

That's a good point

[@OmniscientlyMe]

Maybe she did know, but "forgot" to tell him. And she felt guilty that he's taking the heat.

[@Uneclipsed]

Last story: if the bride knew, I’m betting she was pressured into allowing it to happen and the big tip was for being a decent person and doing what she couldn’t. If she didn’t know, you prevented the proposal at her wedding and are inadvertently taking the heat for her. She probably doesn’t want anything on record condoning your actions, but anyway you slice it, you’re NTA. If she wanted it to happen, she would have told you ahead of time.

[@Azulakayes]

No bride wants anyone to propose at their wedding...that brother was such an a-hole.

[@shells500tutubo]

Bingo! That is why she is not saying anything one way or the other, but actions speak louder than words, don't they? That double pay and big tip proves it. Maybe in a couple of years if you run into her somewhere just ask her about it.

[@ellorasg4525]

The double pay speaks for itself 😊

[@Lordofthelosers01]

If not told him ahead of time the bride would have been one of the people complaining but that hasn't happened. Mix that with the large tip and it's safe to say she didn't want her brother proposing at her wedding. On a side note how did the groom feel about the brother proposing at his wedding? Part of the large tip could have also been a thank you from him. I'm pretty sure most guys would have the same WTF reaction as the bride should someone propose at their wedding.

[@owl7072]

Story 3: "You shouldn't have assumed that the bride wouldn't want that" Unless the newlyweds themselves _both_ go to others (including staff at the wedding) and say "Hey this is going to happen and we're fine with it" then it's only fair to assume that they wouldn't want someone _proposing at their wedding._ Things like that, wearing white, and announcing pregnancies are side eyed heavily for a reason. The fact that neither newlywed came to him and told him that means he's NTA because how tf was he supposed to know otherwise? "He was publicy humiliated! So many people knew it was gonna happen!" Except Op. You can't not tell someone something ahead of time and then expect them to know what's going on.

[@ellorasg4525]

The double pay speaks for itself 😊

[@CodenameTurtle]

Wow, imagine being upset your bff has ghosted you for so LONG until you reach the breaking point, only to find out it's because they were being isolated and mistreated by their partner... I would feel like shit to not have notice it much much sooner. To think he almost just ghosted him back too. I'm so glad he's being supportive after finding out and helping his bff get out of there.

[@AutumnFire1414]

OP might have saved his friend's life. Even if he wasn't in physical danger, his mental state would have been horrible.

[@MONKEYDZETS]

Well if his friend had a spine it would have not happened

[@kuroiflyerneko]

@@MONKEYDZETS Yeah it's frustrating when people don't have or don't grow shiny spines, but some personalities struggle to do it more than others. Also, if they've already been conditioned to accept certain things that are toxic, they might not even notice until an outside influence goes ummm why are you letting this happen? My father drives me crazy because he keeps ending up with very strong, stubborn, maybe even narcissistic people. He's the literal definition of a doormat. And while I'm conflict-adverse myself, I do know how to set boundaries in most situations (although I may be a doormat to keep the peace in certain situations, gotta pick your battles.) He still struggles with it, he's 70 so don't really expect him to get a spine at this point. I have worked with him though to make sure I don't get screwed over when he kicks the bucket, else I might have a reddit story for Mark to read. Lol.

[@joaolima7131]

​@@MONKEYDZETS and here it comes the victim blamer

[@WyntheRogue]

Agreed, toxic/abusive relationships suck no matter whose on the receiving end, relationships should be based on mutual trust and respect for one another ,NOT Orwellian levels of control.

[@madambutterfly1997]

I still believe that proposing at somebody else's wedding is inherently disrespectful regardless of whether or not you had the consent of the newlyweds

[@rf159a]

Yep! It's their day not somebody else’s day!! I think it's tacky as hell to do something like that!!

[@SailorMya]

It is not only tacky to do but it also screams "I'm too cheap to host my own family get together so I'm hijacking this wedding since everyone is here!" vibes that don't look good at all... Another thing is that usually you only know half the guests and while your family may be happy about the engagement you still have half a room of strangers wondering who you are and why you chose to do this here! I would be so embarrassed by this fact if I was the girlfriend in this situation...

[@rf159a]

@@SailorMya Right on point. Perfect reason why NOT to do it!!

[@Loaves_of_Cat]

I think it is okay if u get the newly weds’ permission; but only if they consent to it.

[@Solarstormflare]

@@Loaves_of_Cat yeah, and i'm sure someone out there must have actually asked someone to do so at their wedding

[@lostshadows768]

Last story: NTA and I suspect the family complaining about it might turn out to be good advertising. Relative: "And just as my son was proposing, the DJ suddenly changed the music. It was so embarrassing." Friend: "That sounds awful." (Secretly adds OP to list of DJs to hire for wedding they're planning.)

[@ellorasg4525]

The double pay speaks for itself 😊

[@sylviajones6745]

​@@ellorasg4525, heck yeah 💯

[@AndyyWithAY]

That twist to story 1 was very interesting. We always hear about the older partner being abusive in age gap relationships. I hope the guy gets out of their safely. Wasn't expecting that extra info

[@Vasilia4]

Sounds more like he's just desperate and willing to overlook her flaws due to her age

[@nixxyhasthoughts]

@@Vasilia4 I think it sounds like he’s been emotionally abused.

[@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh]

@@Vasilia4 she also sounds desperate if she is unwilling to go a night alone 😅

[@nomnomgoblin8901]

@@Vasilia4 Flaws like constant all-day check ins, essentially cutting contact with his friends because she isn't comfortable with them despite their genuine attempts to include her, and the literal air tag tracking device on his car? That's all stalking, controlling, abusive behavior.

[@daisychain3747]

Yeah this happens more often than people think. Sometimes when you date a younger person you're so scared of being the abusive and doing anything bad that you just give in to what they want even if you don't want to. It's terrible because it makes you feel even worse for giving in especially when the requests are sexual it feels like it's your fault and you're a predator and you should know better. Mix that with low self esteem and love bombing and you get quite the dangerous combination

[@livlucid3877]

Story 2, I used to be an AA babysitter, as in I babysat kids while the parent went to AA. I’d tell OP to really look around, ask around, and see if they could come across a similar situation. There are also a lot of AA meetings that focus on including family members (especially children) and offering them the right age appropriate exposure. I know of some programs that actually split it up, so parents are in one room and the children are another. There’s a specific name for this, and I’m blanking on it.

[@scheneli000]

That’s really cool! I appreciate that service being out there

[@wintermute9459]

Alanon for spouses, alateen for kids

[@dm9078]

The amount of money the bride paid him, shows that she did not know, and she was grateful to him for what he did. It sounds like the brother and the rest of the family. We’re trying to hijack the event after the bride told him no. NTA and well done OP.

[@Mathilde1469]

I think he’s DJ of the year.

[@dragonboyxyz2308]

He needs a bottle of good homemade blueberry wine

[@colleens1107]

BFF was being isolated and in an abusive relationship. I’m so glad OP didn’t dump his friend and actually saved him from possible tragedy

[@promisedmysun6044]

Story 1 Update 2: Hello Redditors, Thanks to all who reached out in the comments and private messages. Well a lot has happened this past week. So BFF came to stay with wife and I, and sure enough that first night she blew his phone up. He didn't answer and it went on til about 1am. Between the hours of 2 and 6am, she rode past my house about 15 times. I live at the end of my cul de sac, so she has to u-turn right in front of my home to get out. I set the geo fencing on my Ring cam to stretch past my driveway just to see if she would drive by. She didn't see his car (it was in the garage) so she would sit for a couple of minutes and drive by. He was able to avoid seeing her for about 3 days then she started calling everyone he knew to try and find him. He would alternate getting a ride from me or an Uber so she wouldnt see his car at work. In the meantime, we tried to find a way to get her out of his apartment. He lives in one of those luxury apartments where there is a limit on how long your visitors can stay, in his case 30 days. So we proceeded with a plan to evict her without involving the law. So Sunday while she was at church, we convinced his management company that he lost his key fob so they reprogrammed his reader and give him 2 new fobs. My wife and | helped him pack up all her belongings, put them in his storage unit on the ground level and instructed the concierge that she was no longer welcomed in his place and to allow her access to his storage to retrieve her belongings. His building has a no soliciting rule and an pre approved guest list, so he told them she was no longer allowed up to his apartment. His building is very strict in that no one can stay there without being added to the lease for more than 30 consecutive days. Since she isn't on the lease she is effectively ex communicado and there is no recourse because she isn't a lease holder. She still calls and texts, but he has yet to see her since he came to stay with us. His sister the cop found out what was going on from my wife and she lost her shit. Needless to say, we had to talk her down about putting her career in jeopardy. For now, the ex gf is gone from his place and we just have to see how long it takes her to get the hint.

[@Rin0041]

Thanks

[@amandab8433]

Thank you for sharing this. I hope for all their sakes that she takes a long walk off a short pier.

[@d.williams1872]

Thanks

[@Russman67]

Holy cow. That is a level of crazy you don't normally see. Here's hoping her family wants her back and can coax her into going back to AZ. Something tells me she's not completely gone though. 😳

[@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh]

Thank goodness Not the whole closure we want bc “She’s *still* out there 😟 “ 😅 I felt like OP should’ve called the cops when crazy ex-gf was driving by their house 15x Should’ve just reported it and see if that would’ve gotten her to leave since any neighbour could’ve tipped the cops off 👮‍♀️

[@tracicolvis7382]

AA story: I doubt op is the only person to face this issue with her child. I think op should approach the mentors/leaders of the program and work out a way to set up a sort of daycare for during meetings. The kids wouldn't be exposed to the meetings and more people who may not always be able to come to meetings because of lack of childcare can now go.

[@amarie8769]

Never understood why people feel the need to propose at someone else's wedding. You have 300+ days to choose from when you're not at a wedding.

[@reasonpeason847]

I think with story 2, like I think people forget that someone can be traumatized or negatively affected by something and not realize it. If the group were the type to feel comfortable talking about dark subjects, the kid might forget all about but when their brain starts playing “what if” the source of this new dark direction of thought overshadows the feelings of the initial incident. Like you see those old gore videos on early internet, you felt proud at 11 that you could watch it without being fazed but the more you live and learn in general, there’s a much more real and subconsciously horrifying level when that is what informs your personal “worst” in “what’s the worst that could happen?” Like there are early shock sites and images of car accidents. I don’t remember the specific first time I saw any of it. It just blurred into the subconscious until my brain needed to fabricate what the consequences of a car crash could be. It can really do a number on you if you have intrusive thoughts. That’s to say it can look like the kid is doing fine and able to handle it and the kid can think so too, but they won’t find out until later down the line if it significantly affected him. So yeah, that’s some what if shit that happens when you smoke a bowl.

[@reasonpeason847]

And I completely forgot to say: Story 2, both OP and the commenters just seemed pretty chill? But it didn’t feel contentious or anything. OP is like “this seemed like the best option but I want to know if/why it might not be before depending on this.” So I think putting off that vibe has most comments like “Hey that’s fair, but yeah this really isn’t the best option for these reasons/some other options to consider”

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

Bride told you exactly how she felt about you stopping her brother from proposing at her wedding,. A GENEROUS payment and tip is the loudest THANK YOU possible, especially when her family was pressuring her to let him do it.

[@GBunnyG]

Story 3 absolutely sounds like the bride didn't know. Good DJ.

[@KittenUndercover]

I was thinking she did know but was against it and was overruled by her family.

[@maggpiprime954]

Agreed. Also, I think OP could prepare a boilerplate "It is company policy to automatically diffuse marriage proposals at weddings unless otherwise notified by both members of the bridal couple. As there was no mention to me of this plan, I followed policy." Might protect him from irate narcissists/provide him ease of mind. Edit: "This policy was not discussed with the bridal couple as it is an implicit national standard. The bridal couple is not subject to repercussions of breach of policy by attendees."

[@hananahbananah]

Story 3: They say ‘money talks’… The bride double paying and giving a generous tip says it all for me. She would pay all that if she wasn’t grateful!

[@Russman67]

Story 3: This feels like Kevin decided to just propose on his own at the wedding. If the Bride/Groom were okay with it, they would or should have made sure people knew. OP erroring on the side of caution (This isn't kosher. Shut it down) is professional of him. NTA

[@carolroberts4614]

I think the family may have bullied the bride into letting her brother propose! The large tip seems to suggest that.

[@Julienna]

Actually, what matters the most, are the feelings of the girl, he wanted to propose to. Does she want to be proposed at someone´s wedding? I highly doubt that. Now, she knows and hopefully broke up with the selfish man. A proposal is a special moment, every woman remembers for the rest of her life. I remember mine, it was the best moment ever. Only my (now) husband and I. Very romantic, very special. Nobody wants to be reminded that the proposal is connected to someone's wedding, every time the proposal is mentioned.

[@Russman67]

@@Julienna I am a big fan of finding something you both like and building it into that activity. I proposed during a wine tasting. Anytime we go to that winery, she tells the story. It's personal to her.

[@jaimedritt4622]

@@Julienna Why would the GF's feelings matter the most, i.e., more than the bride's and groom's feelings? The most important people at a wedding are the bride and groom since the purpose of the event is their wedding. Also, it's possible that the GF would have liked being proposed to at a special event. We don't know anything about the GF in this story, and some people love the spotlight.

[@artygirl66]

Story 2. Honestly, I used to go with my former BFF and her family to AA meetings for her dad. I felt weird about it at first, but we weren't the only kids there at the time and even knew some of the other kids there, and it ended up being informative to me at least.

[@rebel1612]

I went to AA with older siblings as a child and I also found it to be informative as well. I do agree that there can be topics that aren't child appropriate all the time, but not all of life can be child appropriate and as long as she can provide her son opportunities to talk about how he's dealing would be good.

[@gcr1082]

Story 1: I've dealt with this same issue in my life as well. I had a friend I've known since high school and she won't talk to me anymore. I've tried reaching out many times but she eventually blocked and deleted me on social media. I try not to be offended. Spoke to some mutual friends and she did the same to them too. Last I heard, she moved away and made new friends. To this day, I don't know what is up with her but it's all out of my hands now. Sad to hear OPs friend have been living in an abusive situation that almost cost them their friendship. But I'm glad he didn't just throw away the friendship and tried to talk to help. Hopefully with time their friendship can be mended.

[@JasperCatProductions]

So tacky to propose at someone else’s wedding , seems so cheap.

[@LunaP1]

It's attention seeking when done right in front of everyone.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 3: NTA - If it's prearranged with the wedding pair, they tell the appropriate people, like the DJ. If not, then it's perfectly okay to 'ruin' someone else's surprise on their day. That was reflected in your tip, and anyone who has a problem can direct it back to the pair by saying you didn't know, and acted as you would have wanted the DJ to act at your wedding if it was hijacked.

[@Julienna]

What if the girl never wanted to be proposed at someone's wedding? Why nobody cares about her feelings? Only the bride's and groom's feelings matter? Whose proposal it is? HERS! Not a single person brought this up. NOBODY!

[@AndreNDP]

@@Julienna Because it's their day, not hers. She isn't relevant in this equation.

[@JayeEllis]

@@Julienna She isn't relevant to the question at hand.

[@helenhmcdominick8278]

​@@Julienna If the girl being proposed to doesn't want it at a wedding, then good for her, the person proposing is just an asshole and she should rethink her relationship with them. If the girl being proposed to wants it at a wedding, then she is just as much as an asshole as the person proposing. Proposing at a wedding is an asshole move regardless. Her feelings just reflects whether she's also an asshole in the situation or not.

[@TektonicDragon]

My parents are recovering alcoholics. Both parents were family counselors focusing on chemical dependency. I have memories of going to AA meetings when I was very young. I can see that having kids at the meeting does distract members. My mom would have activities for us to do during the meetings. Once a babysitter was secured, my bro & I didn't attend meetings as much.

[@notconvincedgranny6573]

Story 2: being in AA doesn't make you a child predator, but OP needs to pay attention to people who are bestowing that kind of cash on her kid just for "being."

[@Nortarachanges]

While I can see this, people in AA also have likely burned a lot of bridges with their loved ones and may just be looking for smiles from someone they have no baggage with. Be safe always, but there are innocent reasons too

[@stephjovi]

Yeah the comments really warned her off that. Being in AA doesn't mean you're a preditor. Grown man who gives a kid money every time he comes with, feels like grooming. Whether it's an AA meeting or a weekly trip to a laundromat

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 3 absolutely NTA! I'd do the same. The DJ is an integral part of the wedding experience so he'd need to be aware of the goings on. Bride/groom and the guy proposing should have made the DJ aware. Had this NOT been ok you know they'd be leaving 1 star reviews and trying to ruin his DJ business

[@jenniferhanses]

Story 3: NTA. You're a hero. It is totally inappropriate to announce your own life event at a party celebrating someone else's life event. If you're going to a wedding, you don't get engaged/announce an engagement, come out as gay/trans, announce your pregnancy. You either need to have all of these things out of the way before the wedding or keep your mouth shut until after the wedding. This does mean that you also shouldn't rock up to someone else's coming out party or engagement party or shower and say "Well, enough about you, I'm getting married!" That's not what the guests are here for. You really want to make a public announcement or proposal, you arrange your own event.

[@Julienna]

And you also want to make your girlfriend feel special. It is her moment, not shared moment with other's special moment. ;-)

[@jessdrago5516]

Story 2: I went to AA meetings as a child. I don't remember much from it or what was talked about in terms of peoples personal stories. I just remember the places, people and hanging out with my dad. Honestly it helped me knowing what was going on for my dad and what he was trying to do. Not all AA meetings are the same or structured the same. I don't think OP is the AH at all, there are child friendly meetings.

[@jenniferkay9789]

Sounds like the bride's family planned to let him propose, and we're just bulldozing the bride's boundaries, when she said no. Happens a lot, especially when someone chips in for the wedding. 🙄

[@KittenUndercover]

My BFF of over 15 years ghosted me 2 years ago. Haven’t heard a thing since then. It came out of nowhere and I still don’t know why. Sucks.

[@KittenUndercover]

@@LostSoulchild89 same..I’m sorry it happened to you too 💙

[@cutekitty1212]

Story 2 is NTA. I went to AA with an alcoholic at a young age and I think it is a bit therapeutic for those who had to be around the alcoholism.

[@terramarini6880]

Kid is certainly learning that people can and do pull it together. He sees that his mom is doing the work and that fact is not lost on him. The opinions that matter here have already been discussed and decided amongst those involved.

[@beebs4283]

Phew! I’m glad OP in story 1 stuck it out a little longer- hopefully the bff is safe now from his abusive partner.

[@jackspring7709]

Interesting how few comments there are on the thread about the fact that this guy in Story 1 is the victim in an abusive and extremely controlling relationship.

[@promisedmysun6044]

I am quite shocked too - but I am sure there are more incoming. Hope that lunatic lands behind bars..or gets a knuckle sandwich

[@MrJpaynebb]

Many men don't want to acknowledge they are in or were in an abusive relationship when his friend is. There's a huge stigma in being from an abusive relationship and it's even tougher for men because big strong men don't get taken advantage of because women aren't suppose to be the aggressor in a relationship the man is. At least that's what society expects in these situations.

[@Deadsnake989]

@@MrJpaynebb Even more so because the age gap is almost 20 years. If you were told there was abuse in a relationship between a man 20 years older than the woman. Most people would assume it was the guy, even more so then a more normal relationship. So I assume you can imagine the stigma for that is even higher than average.

[@bricksloth6920]

The bride doubled your pay with her tip. You aren't an a hole and she appreciated your thoughtfulness even if she was getting flack from the fam

[@juliearmfield2634]

It's a bride was really okay with him proposing then she would not have paid double o ps fee was. That extra was a big thank you

[@aconfusedbuzzard526]

Story 1: I understand the guy was in an abusive relationship and felt he couldn't leave. Honestly I can't blame him for being a no-show. However, what was stopping him from notifying OP when he couldn't show up? Unless the girlfriend is stealing his phone or controlling his messages (which is entirely possible but not clear whether that's the case), there's no reason he couldn't tell OP in advance rather than later after the event had already passed. It's still pretty shitty. Good on OP for helping him out, but I wouldn't blame OP if he decided that the friendship is somewhat damaged between them

[@dash9641]

Odds are she took his phone, remember he said she would hide his stuff if he tried to leave without her and odds are she was watching his phone like a hawk to make sure he couldn't make anymore plans. Chick sounds unhinged as hell who knows really.

[@pragatisingh8467]

he said she hid his phone if he tried to leave without her. Why are you trying so hard to blame the victim here?

[@aconfusedbuzzard526]

@@dash9641 i saw the second update in the comments as well which only supports her being insane. I figured her taking his phone was likely, thanks for the confirmation

[@aconfusedbuzzard526]

@@pragatisingh8467 it's been confirmed that, yes, she did oversee and/or take his phone, and that's entirely not his fault and he did nothing wrong. I'm not trying hard to victim blame. He's a victim of his relationship, certainly, but if he HAD simply not notified op after creating the plans himself, without interference from the girlfriend, it still would've been pretty rude. Him being abused and him not responding to op are not by any means equal, I'm not suggesting that, but if it were two completely separate instances, he can be rude and a victim at the same time. Someone's trauma doesn't absolve them of being called out when they hurt others. Though obviously, in this instance, that doesn't apply given the new information

[@pragatisingh8467]

@@aconfusedbuzzard526 i agree. Although i do think we should some slack when dealing with abuse victims. That's because my sister in law is a victim of severe abuse and i've seen how that changed her. she'd completely lost her light and not bring rude or not hurting other people's feelings was the last thing on her mind.

[@deifieddata4462]

The thing about story 2 is that if anyone has an issue with op's son being there, they're going to feel put on the spot by her asking if it's okay if he's there. That's on them to be sure but there's no way everyone at her meeting is cool with having kids there. If there's even a slight chance you're ruining someone's meeting, you're the asshole.

[@putrapratama-sq8hu]

yes it is.. i would never bring my 7yo kids on AA meetings.. as recovering person, the subject of the conversation are deep and dark.

[@Commenter839]

Fr. I can understand OP being unable to find a babysitter, but does her town really not have a daycare or afterschool program she can leave her kid at?

[@rubymeaddle]

She said it's mostly older vets, they tend to enjoy having kids around to talk to about their lives. They're more than likely being truthful, especially if they want to help a single mom trying to get clean.

[@damien678]

​@@putrapratama-sq8hu would rather have had my mum bring me to AA meetings instead of continuing lol

[@putrapratama-sq8hu]

@@damien678 at the age of 7?

[@asprout7190]

I went to NA with my mom as a kid! It was just the reality of a single mom trying to balance sobriety and parenting a little kid with no resources. We had no family at the time, no trustworthy neighbors, and school programs only ran so late. Sometimes other kids would be there too and we would play in the hallway. Other times I napped or read a book in a quiet corner with my portable CD player. Eventually my mom reconnected with family and remarried, so she had more options to send me somewhere else during meetings and I only went if I really wanted to (usually for a sobriety milestone celebration). I wish trustworthy childcare was more available but sometimes you just have to make do.

[@Himitssu]

Story 3 - I agree that the bride didn't know or didn't want the proposal to happen and is secretly thankfull to OP for stopping it, also, if people knew and agreed, they should have made sure the DJ knew so he could play something appropriated.Personally, I think proposing in public in general is not ok, unless your partner explicitly had mentioned they wanted it/wouldn't mind, it just put the person in a very weird spot, even more in a wedding, I think it should be something more personal and then throw a party or something to tell family and friends. Also, even if everyone agreed, proposing in a wedding seems wrong, the couple spents months planning the wedding, THEIR DAY, just so you can use it for your proposal because it was easier than planning something nice.

[@unchained_wings]

The bride was probably pissed because she didn't know or didn't want it to happen and she was steam rolled over. She doubled the fee along with a tip. He did the right thing.

[@GIChiyo]

Story 3: Why tf would you not tell the DJ they were going to propose if they said it was "going to be ok" Makes me think it was not ok NTA

[@drako8343]

Maybe that’s why he was instructed to take any and all requests. They didn’t need his involvement beyond that

[@dwilcox7706]

"He reached out to her brother to help get her home". Put. Her. Crazy. On. A. Bus.

[@Red-jt6uu]

The brother knew she was crazy and didn’t want to take her.

[@dwilcox7706]

@@Red-jt6uu yeah. But still. Put. Her. On. A. Bus.

[@dawndoe11]

Story 1: The second I heard that his gf was the excuse, I knew domestic abuse was probably involved. Being ghosted onve or twice may happen (Ive done it by accident on occasion) but 5 times in a row? There's clearly a pattern. I wish his friend luck with getting away from her. Story 3: OP is DEFINITELY NTA. It seems like a golden child situation where the fanily wants bride's special day steamrolled by the beloved sibling, and OP ruined it by being a decent person. I imagine if the bride and groom did know about it, they would've told the OP since he was involved.

[@wickedamoeba8719]

The Lat Story: NTA. This feels like a golden child situation. I bet the family bugged the bride to let the golden child do it and tried to hijack the wedding when she said no.

[@jemase7931]

"Some people kbew..." If the bride knew, she should have told the DJ. Good for him for stopping it!

[@NetNN]

Story 3 : The OP's cutomer is the bride and groom. So he's doing the right thing to stop any incident to ever happen without the one who's really paid him 's consents. And the double of the payment seems to suggested that the bride is secretly thankful to the OP.

[@shebakoby]

story 1: Controlling Clusters of Bees are THE WORST.

[@CozyCabinLife5301]

Story1: Buy a home defense tool. If the girl friend breaks into your home?? you know what to do to her. Be merciless and show no quarter.

[@janglesthearsonist5265]

Story 2: I've been sober for 3 years and I agree that you get more out of an in person meeting than a zoom meeting. That being said, the original purpose of zoom meetings is to provide meetings to people that for whatever reason can't make it to one in person. There is no good reason that OP can't use zoom meetings while she has custody of her child to bridge the gap between when she can get to an in person meeting. Bringing a child to AA can not only hamper feeling of being able to speak freely and honestly, but can also traumatize the child whether they hear stories the shouldn't or if they become influenced by someone with not the best intentions. OP is using her sobriety as an excuse to be incredibly selfish towards everyone she puts in this situation including her child. They are struggling with demons just like her and deserve a place to express how they are feeling without longterm "guests"!

[@debc6260]

2nd OP is letting a guy at the AA meetings give her son money each time? That's crossing a line into creepy.

[@Bonaduece]

This. Just as being an addict doesn't make someone a bad person, trying to get/stay clean doesn't make someone a saint. He might have good intentions, but he also might be a predator, and she might not know for sure which it is until too late. But she clearly sees the entire group as friends and mentors, and everybody's got blind spots for those, I guess.

[@AndreNDP]

I guess I have a blind spot for that, because adults would forever do that to me, and I was as unfuckable as a kid as I am now.

[@rubymeaddle]

Ok so... my ex's grandpa was an older vet who was in AA for 20 years. He loved treating the kids who came to the meetings (small town, no real childcare for people in poverty) because they reminded him of his grandkids when they were small. Not saying OP shouldn't monitor the situation, just saying the dude isn't instantly a groomer

[@MrBizteck]

Not AA but an old drinking buddy of my dads used to give me £5 anythime he saw me. I loved it ....ot ALL went on arcade machines ! Nothing creepy just a decent bloke.

[@samauraipc16]

I remember another story about proposing at their wedding. This bride should do what that bride did when her brother did that to her. When she went to his wedding she changed the flowers from the flower girls to blue and at the reception announced she was pregnant. Brother got mad and said that wasn't okay and she said it wasn't okay for him to propose at her wedding

[@thefckigaveflewawaywithu6904]

My mom took me to NA and AA meetings at the alano club when I was very young (20+ years ago) and the staff let me and my brother and the three or four other kids that were there play by the pool tables and in other areas of the building while the meetings were in progress. I never heard anything but I remember it being almost a spiritual vibe. Everyone was emotional, and now as an adult I'm sure everyone had been through h3ll, but at the time I just remembered everyone feeling a lot better by the end of the meetings every time and how ppl all talked at the end and it seemed like a neighborhood cookout almost, just with donuts and coffee lol. I always thought it was a positive thing because I grew up seeing the influence rather than hearing any detailed stories and I got the benefit of understanding how wonderful it was that they offered a type of childcare for parents to be able to better their families' lives by going to meetings without stressing about childcare costs. Honestly meetings should offer official childcare, I mean they're often done in churches so I'm sure some youth group leaders would be willing. Idk I just think instead of calling op an AH we should be asking why addicts with children don't have more assistance when they're struggling. Edit: not that it matters, but my mom wasn't an addict, she was a volunteer advocate and a sort of unofficial social worker.

[@Betty_Virago]

story 2 isn't just about the topics that might be discussed, some members may have lost custody of kids and barely hanging on and showing up with your child isn't helpful.

[@gngrblls2thwall]

S3: I'm guessing bride either had to hide that she was grateful, or she just acted off because she was thinking about how pissed off she was that they tried that. The truth is in the tip.

[@karlat7880]

You don’t give someone a 100% tip if you’re upset with them! She showed her approval in cash.

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 3: OP got double pay and a generous tip so, yeah, they did the right thing by foiling the proposal. Methinks the bride was pressured to allow it by her parents and brother but she really didn't want to have it done. She couldn't explicitly tell OP NOT to allow the proposal, but she also didn't specially forewarn OP about the proposal. She simply told OP to play anybody's song request. This way she can have plausible deniability. She paid OP EXTRA because OP stopped the entitled brother from taking the limelight from the bride and groom. If she was actually mad, she would have complained directly to OP and would have refused to pay OP the agreed upon price, plus she would NOT have tipped OP.

[@Tokuijin]

Story 1) I'd have to say that Op's wife is intuitive, even if she isn't aware of it. If she didn't suggest that Op salvage his brotherhood, I don't think Op's would have opted to meet with his friend and the latter would have stayed in that relationship.

[@maez4718]

The red flag in behaviour show early on. Three years ago when my grandson was 15, one of his buddies was called to the principals office. Apparently a girl in the year below had hysterically filed a complaint that he never talked to her. The boy told the principal he didn't even know who she was, and he shouldn't be made to talk to people even if he did know them. The principal agreed, but because she had made the complaint he was obliged to follow up. My grandson also had a couple of girls, who after starting to date, became demanding about his time, his schedule, his friends, yadda yadda, and that was all before the age of 15. He actually swore off dating because the girls were all bats. Thankfully he did meet a fantastic, well balanced, independent girl right at 15 and they've been a couple ever since...but yikes, the amount of crazy in young people these days is off the charts and it shows up early on, so parents and schools really do need to be aware and get the young ladies help so they don't get turned out into the community on unsuspecting people.

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

My kids were all practically raised in the rooms of alcoholics anonymous. My youngest came to her first meeting with me when she was two days old. We went straight from being released from the hospital, drove home an hour away and went to a meeting. I believe it gives kids a head start on learning about not only their parents addiction but the possibility of them becoming addicts themselves because there is a genetic component to addiction. It's a proven fact that children with addict and alcoholic parents are genetically predisposed to addiction. I also believe it teaches them empathy and to not judge. Pretty much everybody that interacts with her there loves her. Many people bring their children to meetings and the people there really enjoy it. It's like having a whole bunch of aunties and uncles. Would I let her go or be babysat by just anybody in the rooms? Of course not. But for that hour in that meeting we are safe and we are comfortable and we are all the same. She's like the AA mascot. Everybody is so happy to see her when we show up. She makes the rounds saying hi to everybody giving hugs to everybody, she will climb up on people's laps and they just love it. At the end she can hold hands in the circle with us and says the Lord's prayer. Though she's just starting to talk so she just kind of mumbles along with what we are actually saying in words LOL. At the end when we all say amen and like keep coming back it works when we work it she shouts "Yay!" and claps her hands and everyone it's a good laugh out of it. She has Down syndrome and that's one of the places we can go where we don't feel judged and everybody considers her to be a very special little girl who they all love. It's like the family I never had. I'm so grateful my children have a place like that where they can go and learn something about life and find people to talk to if they ever get in a situation where they find themselves becoming addicted to drugs and alcohol or even if I was to ever relapse and they needed somebody to talk to. People who understand, people who have been through it and come out the other side. It's an amazing place.

[@damien678]

I believe, as a child that had to see my parents continue to be addicts, that what you did was good. A lot of people are far too precious about kids nowadays and coddle them into being dysfunctional adults

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

@@damien678 I'm sorry you went through that. I wish I could have gotten it together a lot sooner but you can't change the past so now I'm just trying my hardest to be the best sober mama I can be today and when my kids come to me with things they remember or resentments they have four ways I hurt them I am going to sit there and listen and take it because I owe them that and I know I put them through a lot

[@damien678]

@@troubleinthevalley5884 you're doing good by all of you

[@Afterburner]

Story 2 - The mother is doing the best she can and she's made the situation work despite all the negative nellies... I think she's a hero and she found a middle path that works for her and her son.

[@joeschmo622]

The DJ is a hero. Probably happened that The Family was all in on it, steamrolled all over The Bride to make it happen anyway, and The DJ caught it and stopped it. The Bride can't admit that she's happy, but pretty sure the tip said otherwise. I'd do the same thing if I were The DJ.

[@oakenshadow6763]

So glad OP rescued his freind.

[@macylouwho1187]

I was just shaking my head the whole time listening to the first story because you basically just described everything that my mom does to her partner. She stalks him if he leaves, going so far as to drive down to where he goes if she even allows him to leave in the first place. She’s checking up on him. She checks his phone, controls his relationships including cutting him off from family. Recently one of his life long friends came down to visit everyone back here and he committed the cardinal sin in her eyes-he asked about this guy’s sister asking where she lived so that the two of them could go see her. My mom HATES his sister, he’s not allowed to see her. She should charge this woman rent for how much space she allows her to take up in her mind-it’s so extremely creepy. She’s obsessed with hating his sister. She made the mistake of telling her the truth about their relationship-that they were more like roommates than lovers. That’s all she said and now she is banned permanently from his life by my mom. Anyone in the family sympathetic to that sister is now also cut off. He has a large family, so now he can’t see half of those people. And they are a close family. So when his friend suggested that they go see that particular sister because she lives close by-that sent my bat sh-t crazy mom into conspiracy theories about him being in cahoots with that sister to act against her. What this means is that he will never be able to see this particular lifelong friend again. And he will listen to her like he always does. She beats on him (and she hits like a man) if he goes against her. There have been times when he leaves to come here to my house when it’s bad. I have begged and begged him to call the police on her for domestic violence and he won’t do it. Nor allow me to. If I were to do that, he would never come back here again, and his one safe haven would be gone forever. And she would make sure of that if I did that myself. She also financially controls him. It’s his money-but it isn’t his money if you know what I mean. She calls the shots on what it gets used for. I have talked and talked to him about leaving her and that he is being abused until I’m blue in the face and we are both emotionally exhausted. I can’t get him to leave her. I can’t get him to tell on her. So this is how some men live unfortunately. My mom was crazy hot when she was younger and that’s when they got together. Apparently that was enough to sacrifice his entire life, hobbies, and everything or everyone else in it. I keep a very small amount of contact with her-just enough that she allows him to visit me. I am his only lifeline. If I cut her out completely, he loses that. And he’s honestly the sweetest most gentle loving person like a human teddy bear. If he’s ever gone, so is she from my life. This and so much more has taught me how evil she is. She has zero morals, zero respect etc for other people. I’ve seen her steal from a friend. I’ve seen her slash her own tires on her car and call the police on an ex that she was mad at and report him for it, and then call the man in this story to buy her new tires. Newsflash people-just because someone is physically beautiful and can act well does NOT mean that they are automatically a good person. The appearance of goodness is just that-an appearance. It can be smoke and mirrors hiding a true monster.

[@sylviajones6745]

Wow, I feel so bad for you and your step dad. Or is he your father? She's kinda bat shit crazy. I know it took me longer than it should have to leave my abusive ex husband. Poor guy ❤

[@macylouwho1187]

@@sylviajones6745 ex step father. She left him years ago to go screw around because everyone was after her over her looks. He’s one of those rare people that love forever and never gives up on people-even when he should. It’s his best and worst quality. Best for the people he loves, worst for him in this instance. I hope your life is better now that you got away from your ex :)

[@RokoFireFox]

I hate people proposing at a wedding. Takes away from the couple getting married.

[@MaseOne]

Last story: a DJ is hired to play music and take request. Not to play dance floor security..

[@absolutelyridiculous6743]

AA isn't for children. It's for adults. Period. OP isn't an AH, but she's naive and forcing her child on others for HER healing purposes. Seven year olds simply don't understand alcoholism, and they don't need to listen to horror stories. Keep them separated from your trauma.

[@shellyenstrom9130]

In that third story, when talking to the bride she answered fine. All women know that's not a positive reaction. There are much better words out there to use. Find means I have an issue.

[@dimsufferer9951]

Or she was annoyed with the situation of someone trying to propose at her wedding.

[@themayhemofmadness7038]

That DJ is proof that not all heroes wear caps. … Unless of course he happened to be wearing a cape for some strange reason at that time.

[@rylashadow18]

I just got back in from my training class. I found this interesting bit of food while out and will share the pic with you Mark over on twitter as soon as I get a chance. S1) You're friend needs to go to the police. He needs to hand over every bit of evidence of the tracking and well as anything else. He needs to tell her family to come to collect her by a certain day cause she's out of his house regardless of if she has anywhere to go. Finally he needs to change all his locks, block her from every platform, have the police there for when her family comes to collect her as a stand by and have her trespassed from his property. Then from there its restraining orders, no contact orders and a protection order against her. S2) Does he have friends? Maybe see if his friends family wouldn't mind looking after him while you do the classes. It's good you found some middle ground that makes everyone happy. S3) Unless you were told specifically by either bride or groom that Kevin's proposing with their blessings they can take their entitlement and stuff it where the sun doesn't shine. You never: Propose at someone else's wedding Announce a pregnancy at someone else's wedding Wear white to a wedding The bride's probably miffed cause she heard he might pull this.

[@hellomoron]

Story 2 I was raised going to AA meetings. I got told how I would crawl around chewing on people's shoelaces and they were still thrilled to see me. I remember being bored as hell, and that was it.

[@eddavanleemputten9232]

Sobriety story: whilst I personally would do everything in my power to find a sitter for such a young child, I applaud the OP for getting sober. My ex was an alcoholic. He had an accident that put him in a care facility for the rest of his life whilst I was preparing my exit from the relationship. Ex ‘got sober’ whilst in a medically induced coma, but never addressed his issues that led him to alcohol abuse and it’s only thanks to the staff at the facility that his alcohol intake is under control. He will never be completely be able to keep his drinking and behaviour under control unless he addresses those issues (and the many other issues he has) unless he does, but he doesn’t even see those issues as problematic. As a result our child, who is now an adult, has very little interest in being in contact with him. How our child has gotten whole out of the entire mess is nothing short of a miracle. According to her therapist, a big part of it is me being open about addiction and the dangers of it, how to recognise it, and that it’s possible to love an addict but also necessary to look out for yourself, get out in time of/when needed, and to do my best to take away the stigma surrounding it and around mental health issues/therapy. I feel that’s too much praise but something I’d do again because frankly, it just made sense to keep my child in the loop in an age-appropriate manner. About the one AA-member giving OP’s child money at every visit: I’d be careful about that and keep a very watchful eye out. That’s a lot of money every time. Something about that doesn’t entirely sit right with me. But maybe I’m overly suspicious. I’d keep a close eye on it.

[@ondank]

Story 3 : If the bride and groom don't explicitly say it should happen then it shouldn't happen on the wedding day (outside normal wedding stuff)

[@Lestaticate]

Last Story: “BOOGIE!!!” Since the bride paid OP extra, I believe she was secretly thankful for that musical interlude.

[@sardonically-inclined7645]

Story 3: Not all heroes wear capes. Some wear professional quality headphones.

[@samoanjoseph1457]

Story 3: If somebody proposes at another's wedding, why on earth would you blame the DJ??? Did the DJ slip the guy a ring and tell him what to say? Or did the guy come to the wedding fully prepared to propose on his own? It would make no sense to blame the DJ for that. That was a very weird concern for OP to have. I don't think it matters if OP knew in advance or not, the guy proposing is in no way on OP. And if this was pre-planned, maybe let the DJ know in advance so he doesn't ruin the moment by changing the music? Seems silly of them not to have informed the DJ if they wanted this to go right at all.

[@lindamcferrin5621]

My 77 year old husband took his first drink of alcohol when he was 8 years old. Leading to 56 years of alcohol abuse and addiction.

[@sylviajones6745]

That's so very sad. He didn't have a chance. So very sorry 😞

[@otravis676]

Story 2. The mom gets what she needs to stay sober and her son now has a whole bunch of new aunts, uncles and grandparents lmao.

[@flamin.hot.cheeto]

I started watching your channel in late December 2020/ January 2021! It’s really cool seeing your subscriber count go from 50k to almost 125k! 💗

[@aceanarchy5554]

17:15 i just know that kevin is the golden child and that his family wanted him to propose at his sister's wedding, despite her saying no. Shes probably only using one word answers because her family are going insane on her for "ruining her brother's day"

[@lorifiedler13]

If the couple didn't tell the dj about the proposal, they weren't in the know. Well done dj.

[@OhHeyItIsNano]

Story 2: Considering the circumstances and everything so far is explained, I can't really put a verdict until OP gives an update regarding the whole situation. Though the EX has me Wondering about them.. Edit: The update gave me a whole lot of information. Glad that things are going well with the EX and even more glad that her group in AA are very accepting of OP's son. The whole situation went from concern to OP and Son to making me shed virtual tears. This is so wholesome. 😭😅

[@colleens1107]

I just DONT GET people who propose/announce pregnancies at weddings. Like how can you think that’s in any way an ok thing to do. The narcissism of people.

[@Objective-Observer]

The DJ at the Wedding- If the brother had permission to propose during the wedding, HE WOULD HAVE TOLD THE DJ, BEFORE THE WEDDING AND THAT THIS WAS FOR HIS PROPOSAL. NOPE. He slid the song in on the sly and said Nothing about his proposal. THIS WAS NOT CLEARED BY THE BRIDE AND GROOM. Yes, OP's bank account proves it.

[@maleandrolemale9467]

When are people going to understand that it is extremely tacky to propose at another couple's wedding?

[@NottyAries]

S2: NTA. Sobriety is extremely important and if OP doesn't stay sober, her son will be exposed to very bad experiences. The solution? Give him headphones and a tablet. If OP doesn't get anything out of zoom meetings, then that's a risk in relapsing.

[@HarryVibes36]

That last story, look, AH or not, that shit was HILARIOUS

[@tegantalks9612]

Story 3: NTA. The couple needed to be clear on instructions. Proposing at another person’s wedding is usually taboo so if you are cool with that you need to let the support staff know so they don’t run interference like OP did.

[@joeschmo622]

Yeah, happened to me with my high-school buddy. Started ghosting me shortly after getting married, only "plans" would be at their now apartment for Pizza Night. She was attached to him at the hip, nice enough to me, but buddy-time was a no-go; either she was there, too, or nothing. Kfine. I gave up trying, so there were years of NC. Reconnected at a HS reunion, traded emails, had 1-2 more Pizza Nights only now his kids were toddler age. More emails, but then even that fizzled. Every time I'd call, Wifey would pick up, "Oh, he's downstairs on the computer for work, I'll have him call you back.". *Every day* on the computer, and for work? And nope, never got a callback, so either she never even told him, or he just never bothered. Asked if Wifey told him I called, and always got, "Oh, yeah, sorry, by the time I finished up it was late, so...". So yeah, been another decade or more of NC. I tried, I really tried, but I gave up being the only one making any effort, and even if Wifey was The Bad Guy making him stay home, etc., he was complicit in covering for her and just going along. At least this dewd admitted to The Opie that he was being emotionally blackmailed by Ms Unhinged. I never got that whether true or not.

[@cheskydivision]

Op is in a tough situation but their is no reason why the ex can’t have the kid during that hour.. just long enough to have dinner with the kid or run an errand.

[@eyesofwater123]

Exactly. The nerve of the ex calling op an AH

[@wildblue0]

Last story: If the bride knew, she should've said. Though that's perhaps why he was told to accept all requests. So he couldn't let it slip to anyone else. Still, I think the bonus shows she appreciated it, whether she can admit it or not.

[@ilbercgross4736]

Wedding story. If no one told the DJ, he is not the arsehole. If it was planned, the bride and / or groom would have talked to the DJ.

[@janejones7638]

I had to go to 4 AA meetings because I got a DUI. The first one I was basically taken aside by the leader who suggested that I not to come back. Everyone there was in and out of detox/rehab and didn't have the best track record. The second AA meeting was open (which the other one was too, some are closed because the members all deal with a common issue, like domestic violence) and I believe they would have been okay with a child there because they wanted to create a family atmosphere anyway. On Story 3, he did the right thing. If the bride thought it was okay, she would have told the DJ hey my brother's going to propose when you play Golden Hour. Also the bride and groom wouldn't have danced during the almost proposal. They'd happily watch to the side. I do feel badly that the guy was humiliated but he kind of brought it on himself. He should know better.

[@Pugiron]

Exposing her child to a faith-based system will warp him.

[@haileyjane9273]

Story 1 has an update! she was constituently calling and texting, drove by OP's house for Hours 2am -6am. driving by his work and also contacted all his friend/family. eventually they were able to get her to leave after changing locks and apartment wouldnt let her in anymore since she wasnt on lease. idk how well that will work out because laws n stuff

[@Tiger54658]

Last Story: Feels a lot like bride didn't know. She wouldn't have doubled pay and tipped generously if the op had ruined something she was excited for. While I understand some comments below saying, "Even if you have permission it's still tacky", I feel like it really depends on the people. For one, both bride and groom have to be POSITIVE they're okay with it. Because sometimes things like that could be a really sweet moment between siblings. Like say the bride, instead of throwing the bouquet, gives it to the person who will be proposed to and they turn around to see their SO on one knee. THAT feels like an event and it's clearly part of it and acknowledged by the bride and groom. Or alternatively, either bride or groom gather everyone at the very end of everything and pass off the mic to who wants to propose. That doesn't feel as tacky if the bride and groom are involved with the proposal. It doesn't feel like hijacking at that point. It feels tacky if Bride and Groom aren't involved in the proposal.

[@Sakuraqueen]

Last story : Getting golden child vibes!

[@RyuClaudius]

last story shows who is the favorite child considering everyone's reaction.

[@TheDurid1]

Story 3, people who don't say what they mean is so aggravating. One of the wedding owners didn't want that proposal to happen, or would not have given the bonus after. But of couse they are not going to say so just to avoid drama. But also will let drama like this happen to more people. I get so frustrated when people's words don't match their actions. Even when done with 'good' intent. And trying to figure out what is going on just leads to bad drama most of the time. But then you start assuming, and things blow up even more anyway, and just feel like an idiot and questioning if trying to understand people is even worth the effort. Even close friends and family. This is my experience. 😑😤

[@NotWorthBeans16]

Story 3: NTA I'm totally with the one commenter who questioned if the bride and groom were put on the spot to comply with the proposal. If it truly was something they were okay with they would have told the DJ so that they could find a good spot in the reception and have everything prepared.

[@riakun]

Story 2: I grew up with parents who went to AA meetings, and each AA meeting also had a small section/area where the kids could go, and they could talk to therapists about how things were at home. Sometimes they would talk about their day at school, and sometimes they were just talk about the importance of forgiveness and being able to overcome hardships in life. Basically, they talk to kids like kids. I’m actually surprised at the AA meetings don’t have something similar to that. I hope OP and the rest of the group look into some thing like that for anyone who comes in and has their kids with them. Sometimes kids need to talk out feelings about the situation as well, you know? For things like that, they might be able to get a government sponsored therapist to go in and have sessions with kids as well. If they can’t do that, then the iPad and headphone thing might be best if they legitimately can’t get a babysitter for an hour. Teenage babysitter might also be a very good idea, especially if they’re in something like school and it’s only for an hour. Pay them $20, $40 If you’re going to be late, and they are completely set.