Everything Wrong With Jupiter Ascending In 19 Minutes Or Less

[@StarCrusher.]

"bees are genetically designed to recognize royalty" possibly the dumbest line in movie history.

[@SuperLordGaming]

StarCrusher As bad as some of the lines in Lucy.

[@fauzanzzfulful]

SuperLordGaming unfortunately the everything wrong video was deleted by some copyright bullsh*t

[@Hero_2222]

Not the beeeeeeees

[@doomdoktor]

StarCrusher I love dogs, I've always loved dogs.

[@frigginfranco233]

You bitchesssssssss. It was all for honeyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

[@Herzyyyy]

Can't wait for the sequel: Uranus expanding

[@Kallmeyamama]

XDDDDDDDDD NICE!

[@devonharris5936]

eKo Herzy Mercury deflating

[@jonbaxter2254]

+eKo Herzy And of course Pluto remaining still.

[@ykai6487]

eKo Herzy How about Marsturbating?

[@UndeadSon]

eKo Herzy First ever UrAnus joke to make me laugh.

[@kylemiller2414]

So Channing Tatum is a spliced humanoid, werewolf, angel soldier with magic roller blades that glide on air. And Mila Kunis is a galactic queen because she kind of looks like Eddie Redmayne's dead mom. Got it.

[@redtiny802]

lol

[@Gokussjdensetsuno45]

But then again, there's a fact about this movie's premise: Nobody gave two fucks about it.

[@Dairo512]

Don't forget that Mila Kunis, and Eddie Redmayne's dead mom (and most bearers of the web of drama connecting them) are space vampire gods. Which means that CinemaSins left "Underworld", and by extension "Romeo and Juliet" out of the list of stories this one stole from. But maybe this movie wasn't actually stolen. Maybe somebody in Hollywood just got really high and wanted to watch ten movies at once.

[@reyarinnepykefyre8707]

That's why a film critic called this film geek porn: "there're all the sci-fi elements that one has ever thought of and more".

[@deletenotyet3612]

Kyle Miller it’s supposed to be guessed that’s the timing indicated someone if not the mother herself planted the DNA that became the “reincarnation” coinciding with her death. What I wonder is how, we know that she owned Earth and she likely had it seeded, maybe planting her genetics in one of the profiles if you let your imagination run about how they even run that business and the R&D behind it., but she had a change of heart and remade herself to have none of the regrets or need for atonement. I rather ask if her asking to be murdered really ever cared if humans were cared for instead of harvested.

[@jamesrelich8210]

How do you ignore that Jupiter's cousin wanted to sell her eggs? And she agreed because she wanted a telescope?! And without her agreeing to it, the rest of the movie doesn't happen. The Wachowskis actually thought "main character goes to clinic to sell her own eggs" was the best way to kick the plot into gear.

[@Peatman]

Not to mention she could in the very least buy an automated GPS equipped tracking telescope for that kind of money rather than a fucking brass thing that you couldn't focus on the moon without a huge amount of shaking.

[@JaySunsWorld]

Umm well you said the rest of the movie wouldn't have happened but Tatum was sent there to retrieve her so weird aliens trying to kill her or not he would have made contact with her. Also cinemasins already said why not just kill her when they wiped her memory when she took the picture. But either way Mr Tatum was gonna find her. Still a plot line.

[@kateli1880]

Peatman it’s not always practical more sentimental Remember her died over it because the Russian gang/Mafia stole her dad’s brass telescope.

[@ankyfire]

Also why the fuck would she get 1/3 of the money and her cousin would get 2/3?

[@jjcymbolic]

@@ankyfire Why would her cousin get ANY money when he can just donate sperm by jacking off.

[@katerinasimpson1100]

All you need to know about Jupiter Ascending: 1) It’s 2 hours of your life you’ll never get back. 2) The actors deserved better. 3) It’s good to know I’m not the only one who got serious John Carter vibes.

[@shr1mpsush1]

Hey, if I didn't watch this film, I would've been introduced to the patron Saint of Awful Movie Protagonists

[@charliebell5584]

I actually really like john Carter

[@daisybtoes]

John Carter was a pretty good movie, and I have few complaints.

[@MarksCar-dv7br]

The first one does not fit me I’ve watched this 15 times and I love it

[@basicallymid]

If we're being honest, I'm not sure the actors could have done better. This genre was a stretch for both Tatum and Kunis, and it showed.

[@Lina-di1gi]

"Discount Channing Ta- HOLY SHIT WHAT DID THEY DO TO HIM"

[@Nsmith666]

I LOLed at that

[@GarglingBlals]

+Alex Noel you laughed out louded? That makes no sense

[@Nsmith666]

+Annoying Nerd someone's a nit picker. 🐸☕

[@GarglingBlals]

+Alex Noel I'm sorry. When I see bad grammar, I have to correct it

[@Nsmith666]

+Annoying Nerd KZbin is the wrong place to do that. don't take yourself so seriously.

[@sacredcowmars]

Lol, "bees don't lie". That has to be one of the stupidest lines ever

[@leikfroakies]

What about "I don't like sand"

[@IsaacMabry]

+Cribsmas Morn. BOO👻👻👻

[@NicerDicerSmart]

AnEvilPrinter Yep, even worse than "No, not the bees!" What is it about bees that they always appear to play a role in really bad movies ? They need better agents!

[@roelliesafari9988]

AnEvilPrinter I have to tattoo that somewhere on my leg

[@Betuor]

AnEvilPrinter You forgot:"What if we say no?""Say yes."

[@welshman100]

I watched this with my girlfriend on netflix I think. She went to the toilet half way through and I fast forward 30/40mins... she didn't notice.

[@lil_drummaboi_429]

Ur the hero everyone deserves

[@MrDjsmooth87]

👏🏾🤣damn

[@606danco]

Urrrrrrrr

[@MrHooligans]

Madlad

[@callherfoofoo]

You petty af

[@Gokussjdensetsuno45]

‘Man, this looks like a very expensive piece of shit’

[@thegamingk339]

Nameless Avenger Jk

[@dannyakins8742]

Sauce Uchihahahahahaha So true

[@rimisark]

your life is piece of shit

[@MaddySaurus421]

I was watching the movie and like 25 minutes in I was like "fuck it I'll just watch the everything wrong wrong with it."

[@farhanalam7642]

same here dude. this movie was too bad

[@heropon12l9]

+Blah Anger i made it through the whole thing. in theatres. do i get a prize of some kind?

[@antoniabaldassarre4360]

same

[@heropon12l9]

+Antonia Baldassarre my congrats to a fellow survivalist. as bad as i found the movie, i still cant help but be fascinated by it. i mean fascinated where they thought all these different ideas, some good some bad, were expected to work together

[@eba6949]

"everything wrong wrong with it" *DING*

[@AlloY777]

More like Jupiter Descending

[@jesusvaldez244]

Lol

[@jesusvaldez244]

LOL

[@williamwatson8460]

The Octagon Master with Super Saiyan Vader Cruise Brewed!!!

[@ichangedthename]

Great banter!

[@varitextured]

The Octagon Master with Super Saiyan Vader Cruise Uranus Expanding.

[@TeamOT]

This is how pointless my life is: I just watched this movie on Netflix guessing what the sins would be just so that I could watch this video after.

[@MrShisuto]

T Mo T your not the only one.

[@DiegoTan66]

lol, same

[@Baelor-Breakspear]

What number did you come up with?

[@thy_apostle]

Fuck.... You caught me

[@FindingMyself90]

You should have watched this first

[@jess4671]

Eddie Redmayne screaming "Go" was not only the best sin, but the best part in the dang movie.

[@joejunior5991]

They also need to added the I CREATE LIVE with Jeremy repeat I create live line with flat tone

[@wingsandash]

"Bella continues to narrate outside Twilight." Makes me laugh every time.

[@jaquelynngering3586]

A friend and I felt like going to a movie. Went to the theater. This was the only English movie playing. The Korean movies likely would have been more intelligible to me than this mess. I wanted to leave after ten minutes, but my friend was sleeping so peacefully, I felt bad waking him up.

[@Thebravekitten66]

Dude you went through that for your friend sleeping? You earn bro of the year.

[@jaquelynngering3586]

Thebravekitten66 Naw, I woke him up after about an hour and a half.

[@Thebravekitten66]

Jaquelynn Gering Oh lol.

[@mavvh1054]

+Thebravekitten66 is that you Madoka?

[@vh6772]

Is no one going to talk about Jupiter almost married her genetic son?

[@leporid257]

13:15

[@josephmcdonald9933]

Real sick shit

[@chaelisings]

Exactly!!!!

[@tanyavanjara3703]

WHAT

[@Virtua..]

No her reincarnation almost married her genetic son. Sligh difference

[@TheFuryProduction]

This movie was utter shit. Really hated it...

[@kaleighimaraalexander5203]

thank u

[@aeroromeo7431]

I didn't understand any of it and this movie was so cluttered with so many different things that weren't even worth remembering throughout the movie.

[@Luvie1980]

TheFuryProduction Im glad I did not pay to see this film. However I would not have since I am not a fan of Channing Tatum.

[@nicklockk]

TheFuryProduction Really? The Footage from this EWW looks very good. whats so bad about this movie?

[@shadowdramon01]

+Nick Knatterton it's like someone took an entire month's worth of a Soap Opera's storylines and stuffed them into a single almost three hour movie. The plot is overly cluttered with subplots, nobody puts in a decent performance (though I blame the Wachowski's writing for that), Jupiter is a bland hero with no personality, and the dialogue is basically exposition (people explaining the story to us instead of letting it tell itself), technobabble, or made up names for things so that all the characters seem more "alien".

[@JohannaMueller57]

4:33 "Discount Channing T-hooooly shit, what the fuck did they do to him?!" xD ok, you got me there

[@JohannaMueller57]

but holy shit, please stop saying "ex machina".

[@Jamie-st6of]

+JohannaMueller57 Why should he? If he enjoys saying the phrase, I do not see why he would say it less often.

[@todiepkhanh4509]

Eddie Redmayne explained that Balem suffered a throat injury, that's why he use that breathy-on-death bed voice. The Wachowski just didn't show it.

[@shr1mpsush1]

.....Excuse me? How in the actual fuck do you omit a damn good explanation for the line delivery of a awful character?!

[@josephmcdonald9933]

How did he injured his throat? Trying deep throat side ways?

[@daisybtoes]

The wolf-guy, whose name I forget, bit him in the throat. Why he can still speak at all says a lot, I suppose, for alien surgery, but how come he can scream so loud? Don't get me wrong...I adore Eddie Redmayne. He was the reason I watched this weird movie in the first place. But on a TV chat show, he laughed his head off, slapping his legs in glee, over winning a Razzle Award. At least he's a good sport about it.

[@berrypop33]

Waait Does the movie say it was Channing Tatum's character???? Cause it if if didn't 😂

[@saskia6815]

Uhm if any of you would have watched the movie and payed attension you would have heard the mention it

[@ouijacorn]

Hot, half-wolf alien dude with wings sounds EXACTLY like some fourteen year old's OC.

[@liamvenosta5081]

maximum ride hahahahaha

[@joebrian5949]

What's an OC? ... and also a 14 year old girls or boys?

[@deanfillmore9581]

OC means original character, most often used when someone puts an original character in a fan fiction. They can be pretty cringey.

[@elanorthefair1091]

Don't forget, he's also a loner who is emotionally scarred by royalty (for unexplained reasons) and could snap and kill people at any moment. *Edgy*

[@UpperDarbyDetailing]

@@joebrian5949given the half wolf part it’s most likely a straight girl or gay dude. If the character was half cat it would be a straight dude or gay chick. Because canines are apparently inherently masculine and felines are apparently inherently feminine.

[@ZombieWilfred]

Am I the only one that heard FTL and immediately thought "Faster Than Light?" Pretty sure that's what they meant by it because it's the only way you'd be able to communicate across interstellar distances without a long delay...

[@JoeShopper]

I'm pretty sure everyone thought "faster than light" because that's what it stands for. The strange thing about this usage is that it's referring to communication and not travel, which is the sci-fi norm.

[@ZombieWilfred]

+Joe ? (What?) OK, good so I'm not the only one... Yeah, I totally agree, it's usually used for referring to travel, but still makes sense for communication. I just thought it was funny this guy sinned it because he seems to think he's so clever and yet couldn't figure out this simple thing/thinks others are too dumb to...

[@MegaDale42]

He knows what it stands for, but the line should have been "an ftl message" or something similar. He mocked them for stating that they received a faster than light, since (in sci fi) you can receive something that traveled ftl, but not an ftl

[@ZombieWilfred]

+MegaDale42 I get what you're saying but I have to disagree. In context the word "message" is unnecessary, it is obvious what he means. You wouldn't say "we've received an FTL" referring to someone arriving by FTL travel (which for these people is a given part of travel considering the distances they cover.) Bottom line is that I knew exactly what the person meant when they said it, as did most anyone who is familiar with scif/science, so I still don't think it should have been counted as a sin.

[@MegaDale42]

+ZombieWilfred the same can be said of a significant amount of sins in all their videos, but intentionally misunderstanding things in order to make fun of it is one of the ways the channel demonstrates that the sin totals shouldn't be taken seriously. check out the eww cinemasins

[@WhatBurnsMyBacon]

After watching this, you guys are going to have a ball sinning the heck out of the new "Fantastic Four" movie.

[@ericarellano9010]

What Burns My Bacon i agree i want it to have so much sins like 999999999999999999999999sins in there

[@deathab0ve]

Eric Arellano I haven't seen it, but it can't be as bad as the last one.

[@ericarellano9010]

Mike Sico well thats your opinion but my problem with the movie dat has so much talking & not a lot of violence and my opinion is dat i like 2005 and 2007 movie better but this fantastic four is ok meaning i want to like it even more

[@guitarbassist95]

Mike Sico The 2005 movie and Rise of the Silver Surfer are both pretty good movies when compared to the 2015 one. Fant4stic is honestly one of the worst movies ever made. I'm not talking Green Lantern bad, or Daredevil bad, I'm talking much worse. It was a terrible, boring, unnecessary film. Even Silver Surfer wipes the floor with it.

[@meredocu]

***** Guys guys, wtf, are you kidding? Jupiter ascending is horrible! how fantastic 4 can be worst? it fails at everything from the cast to the plot! I m starting to have serious problem understanding how those film get made. well I m not going to spend money on it, but that make me fucking curious... when you think of the amount of money throw on those shit, the number of people fooled by the franchise and all of the system that make it possible I just want to throw up.

[@isabelamichaud9435]

"I love dogs, I've always loved dogs." Movie adds disturbing subtext to this romantic scene!!

[@TheHomelessDreamer]

Add the one where the dude wants to marry his reborn mom. This movie is on my bottom 10 ever seen in a theater. It was a date, and turned ugly after seeing this travesty.

[@spanktube86]

Shitty date if a bad movie can ruin it. Lmao.

[@spanktube86]

And if you wanna get technical shes not "really" his mom anymore. New body and all... Still yuck mind you. But people used to ACTAULLY marry their siblings soo..... Not so far fetched. 👍😖

[@li-limandragon9287]

I think that one is right up there with Jacob falls in love with a baby.

[@bubububnever]

I think she meant to come across as endearing but panicked because she in the moment and she ended up saying something awkward... Hence why she sighed after he left.

[@crispiecord]

"Bees don't lie" has to BEE my favorite Sin given to a movie yet.

[@ThatOneShyguyVideos]

It would be a lot quicker to just list off everything right with the movie.

[@FedUpFancy]

ThatOneShyguy but the video would be less than a minute long XD

[@cajunboi4888]

ThatOneShyguy Michael Giacchinos score is good

[@dakit3]

So a 5 second video?

[@dejackmoe]

Dylan Antill p

[@lisannastrauss4487]

Win 1: "Errr... Nevermind, let's do another movie"

[@Kazeromaru]

I'm surprised there isn't a sin for every single scene with Mila Kunis saying " Mila Kunis is not my girlfriend in this scene."

[@swagtachiuchiha3559]

I'm surprised he didn't say Mila Kunis isn't making out with Natalie Portman in this scene

[@tautauson4469]

I'm surprised people think she's so attractive that it would warrant a sin. She's like 'average chick at the mall' pretty, at best.

[@Kazeromaru]

Tau Tauson Pft, Mila Kunis was voted most attractive woman in the world and I see why. She is definitely not average.

[@tautauson4469]

***** by who? I didn't vote for her. She's cute, but she ain't a 10 bruh.

[@taeniasolium5970]

***** Also "scene does not contain a lap dance".

[@bcg10]

Sir, the DMV is still awful. I was just there this week. People were waiting OUTSIDE the building due to no more space inside.

[@dixiecronin7791]

Damn, you got ripped off. I was in and out of the DMV within like 20 minutes the last time I went

[@bcg10]

@@dixiecronin7791 Ripped off is a weird word to use since I don't pay for the DMV experience, but anyways, it all depends on the location, day, and time of day for sure. At the end of the day the DMV is not a place known for its innovation.

[@dani3po]

"My bees don´t lie", by Shakira.

[@SunnysFilms]

Daniel Rodríguez Sha-bee-ra, Sha-bee-ra.

[@aidantrent5933]

Daniel Rodríguez she-kira you

[@lordjor96]

NOOOO THE BEES AAAAAAAA

[@bone656]

I wanted to like this movie so much.... I've tried to watch it three times, this is the first time I've seen the ending

[@lianeli5406]

I am so proud of you. Had the same problem with Titanic btw....

[@caitlincallahan4704]

I wanted to like this movie so much also, but I only sat through it and watched it once thankfully. I'm always looking out for good Sci-Fi movies, so I get excited when I see ones that have A lister actors in them (although I personally don't think the two main characters are that great of actors, not bad just not great), and finding a good Sci-Fi movie these days are hard to come by. I also had the same exact experience with Aeon Flux. Couldn't get through even half of it, and I tried at least 3 times.

[@PassTheMarmalade1957]

I was so excited by the trailers (never mind the fact that it was an original script for once, not based on a comic or a book or a previous movie.) Then I saw the reviews and decided not to see it in theaters, but I looked up the plot, and my jaw hit the floor at how stupid it was.

[@naiahenley8893]

that's not true Mila Kunis is a great actor. If she wasn't she wouldn't have played in a lot of movies, and voiced characters.

[@HAL-vm3wn]

There were four great actors in the lead roles. So i expect them to pick good scripts

[@jacknewman9256]

Holy moley. 10:22 Jupiter Jones reference, I thought nobody else in the Verse knew about the greatest boy detective ever. Well done!

[@Spock1777]

"You want your wings back?" Just drink a Red Bull

[@JWonn]

But isn't he supposed to be half-wolf or something? Are wings not reserved for the half-birds?

[@isabelamichaud9435]

hahaha good one!

[@beowulf9878]

Start ringing bells. Never mind, they’re not angels.

[@anonymous5784ui]

Want a sprite cranberry?

[@higgins382]

Yes! You said "I couldn't care less". Thank you! I am so friking sick of people saying "I could care less" for things they don't care about - but you got it correct. Well done.

[@davesyndrome1097]

What the hell sort of last name for a Russian family is Jones?

[@696190]

Its from her grandfather, an English diplomat. you were not paying attention, were you?

[@davesyndrome1097]

+696190 Nah, I simply haven't seen the movie proper. There must have been something, considering he didn't sin it. It's still out of place.

[@derptomistic]

I just finished watching the video and all I can remember is "Lazer Skates!" and I'm usually good at remembering small details. WTF!?!?

[@SARISS80]

you're right Jones is actually Scottish.

[@Gokussjdensetsuno45]

+696190 Nobody gave a shit about the story for the exposition overload and how uninteresting it was.

[@TheShadowMarioBros]

Mila Kunis: I love dogs. Anybody else remember that one episode from Family Guy?

[@jbvader721]

TheShadowMarioBros Yeah, I felt cheated when CinemaSins didn't reference "Family Guy" or say "Shut up, Meg."

[@theleisurecritics7968]

Is Mila Kunis becoming Meg?

[@watermelongames7259]

Shut up, meg

[@Sinekel]

+The Leisure Critics she has been meg for a long ass time

[@sonofangron2969]

TheShadowMarioBros Yeah - I'm gonna remember that episode for a wHile...

[@gewgulkansuhckitt9086]

I'm impressed that they were able to list everything wrong in less than 19 minutes. I figured the "everything wrong" video would be longer than the actual movie.

[@mariecherrytree]

Every time Eddie Redmayne talks, I keep thinking I'm hearing a bad impression of Dumbledore.

[@Dim.g0v]

Did you mean Voldemort?

[@phenix.bleu_nicolie]

But a great impression of Voldemort

[@Charlie94781]

Balem’s mood swings was the result of the Godfather Pigeon from Animaniacs performing a Dragonball fusion dance with Tourette’s Guy

[@digitalbuddhancsu1862]

The dude from CinemaSins has one of the most evil villain sounding laughs in all of youtube.

[@lecanoscoptical3455]

I went to see this for my birthday. You can guess how much I enjoyed that day.

[@metademetra]

+Sparkling Enope Better than watching Epic Movie on your birthday. At least the effects for Jupiter Ascending are okay.

[@lecanoscoptical3455]

***** Did the cheeseiness not cancel it out?

[@alexanderchristopher6237]

Honestly, I liked the premise. Sci-fi drama/adventure with some Games of Thrones vibe in it. That's the reason I first watched it.

[@ankyfire]

True, BUT there’s a reason why GOT was done over 7 seasons. You can’t fit all the politics, nuances, and microplots in one movie.

[@li-limandragon9287]

@@ankyfire And even GOT fucked it up in the end.

[@sawanna508]

I liked most of it but hated the end. In th end she is back cleaning toilet end stuff again but now happy about it, just because she is in love. She is a queen who ones more then one planet and she chooses that kind of live? Terrible.

[@illegalewahrheiten2911]

The whole Earth storyline could be scrapped.@@sawanna508

[@derrickwatson4597]

" what guys sound like when seeing Mila Kunis" hurt myself laughing

[@KNByam]

Because its true, because you did it?

[@derrickwatson4597]

bigbullbk Nope, not my type

[@KNByam]

derrick watson I'm in the same boat. I think she's a good looking chick but she does not for me.

[@thecatholiccorner]

derrick watson I thought I was the only one who caught that xD

[@TheBraunMachine2011]

i lol'd so hard at that xD

[@CoolinTheKicks]

CinemaSins has changed the way I watch movies

[@LuizAntonio-zs7ko]

Right? Not long ago I caught myself thinking "roll credits" while watching a movie.

[@rinby5592]

Not long ago I caught myself thinking the word 'cliche' a lot while watching movies.

[@keykeybby24]

+Карина Умбетова haha me too

[@SpecialQue85]

Everyone knows that "FTL" stands for "French the Llamas!"

[@jamescarlson8916]

SpecialQue85 everyone knows this.

[@stevea4362]

SpecialQue85 It is known.

[@sharkymcsnarkface6642]

Oui oui! Hon hon hon baguette Eiffel Tower! Mademoiselle terre de pomme croissants!

[@TheKiroshi]

SpecialQue85 You know as a kid, I always thought FTL (Obviously French the Llamas).. actually meant "Fuxk The Llamas"

[@AndrewPRoberts]

SpecialQue85 Faster than light?

[@gianniciccolone3477]

"This guys eye looks like a trip to the moon." lost it

[@aj-mf1mb]

I love how Eddie Redmayne actually said he didn't really like the movie!😆

[@aj-mf1mb]

I think Eddie could have played a great villain but he was handed a horrible script, If he was handed a good script he would have been quite good

[@aj-mf1mb]

Syl Gibson actually he did the character well, he did what he was told it's just the character was complete shit

[@daisybtoes]

Aha! When did say that? I'd like to read the comment. How in Hell's Bells did he get talked into doing this in the first place? I mean like at his stellar credits! He could have done a lot better with this if he'd had a halfway decent script.

[@cathdodd5072]

Is that why he whispered all the way through it? So no one would know he was in it?? I could hardly hear a Goddamn thing he was saying. He could have been reciting all of Les Mis for all I knew!

[@Kmaster73]

please do unfriended, it needs to be destroyed!

[@TheAlexcruz688]

I was so thinking that

[@joshuagallup3005]

Yyyeeeessss!!!

[@certifiednard2543]

Agreed. That movie was simply horrid.

[@lovleysistagal123]

Kmaster73 I love that one! Totes agree dude!

[@The_All-Seer]

Kmaster73 Was that the one where the girl kills herself and then haunts some people in a Skype call or something?

[@TenshinhanIsKing]

I didn't know this movie existed and I'm glad. Thank you cinema sins I've dodged another bullet. Lmao just realize in this movie the queen of earth is Jupiter Hahahahahahahahahahahaha clever 😑😑😑😑

[@TowerSavant]

New Gods Me too. Although even watching this Everything Wrong With is proving pretty painful.

[@Mbrace818]

Honestly, this channel makes me want to watch many of these movies just so I can watch the Cinemasins episodes of those movies. lol

[@DudeThatsBirch]

Miles Wright I just watch the cinema sins instead of the movies, it saves time and its more entertaining.

[@DagobertX2]

New Gods At least she didn't had to marry a guy named, Uranus :D

[@alexandresobreiramartins9461]

TowerSavant Yes, this movie is that bad. I laughed a lot but, even so, I can't really imagine how painful watching this whole movie was... but then I've watched Speed Racer, and I remember the anime from my childhood... could this have been worse?!?

[@socks1w]

"Discount Channing Tatu--HOLY SH*T" I'm so done with this channel. lmao

[@Cristopherthekiller1]

You forgot the scene when the girl use an sanitary napkin to cover the guy's wounds. That was the moment when I had to stop the movie.

[@1che3mau]

+Chris Decarvalho Actually, considering what they're used for (Not to squick anyone or anything), that's kinda sound thinking. Of course, because she uses it sticky-side down, she promptly negates any sound thinking (as that's not the side meant for absorbing... stuff).

[@CNWhatImSaiyan]

+chenb0t plus Jupiter has a vagina, shouldn't she know which side goes where??

[@1che3mau]

+CN what I'm Saiyan? Exactly what I'm saying hahaha. It was actually a good idea until she did that and negated any usefulness it might've had.

[@EinNameDenKeinerHat]

+Chris My exact feelings, but for a different reason. Aren't first aid kits mandatory in cars in the US? Because they are in Germany...

[@FrauleinBlaueAugen]

+EinNameDenKeinerHat Unfortunately, they are not. Not on the national level, at least. Each state has different laws, so there might be some that require first aid kits. But, there are probably just as many that don't. Hell, there are some places here where it's still legal to text and drive-precaution and safety don't tend to survive the bureaucracy and unfathomable idiocy that is the US government (both national and state level).

[@adamwoolston253]

16:20 Antagonist taunts main character by telling him or her that he or she doesn't have it in them to pull the trigger cliché

[@MikkiRose129]

Divergent rip-off 😂😂

[@DoubleNN]

One thing that pissed me off about this, if you were to stand on Jupiter your spine WILL break, the gravity is too strong there.

[@DIMOHA25]

Double - N Spine? Bitch please! You'll turn in a nice meaty carpet with enough time spent there.

[@DoubleNN]

DIMOHA25 Indeed. No I mean people who experienced 20Gs were never able to walk again, I'm pretty sure Jupiter is more than 20Gs.

[@Rachael1918]

Double - N the conceit of the film is that there is a massive industrial complex hidden behind the Great Red Spot of Jupiter. If they can do that, they'll have sorted gravity out!

[@DoubleNN]

Rachael1918 Yeah but you see them escape it's sphere of influence, so even if they do sort that out it's still bullshit.

[@huh968]

Double - N Uhm, how exactly would it be possible to stand on Jupiter in the first place? It's a gas planet...

[@angelowentzler9961]

Was totally expecting a "rips off other movie" bonus round :(

[@digitool5944]

you know it is a bad movie when it is the only movie in which Eddie Redmayne can't act

[@GoatPopsicle]

Roland Kramer he was lucky it didn't come out a month earlier, and cost him his oscar. This makes you realize Redmayne basically whisper-talks in almost every role he does.

[@giuseppeianniello1998]

He’s a fantastic actor. Blame the Wachowskis for their terrible direction and screenwriting

[@CaligoCastra]

Wait... Isnt that elf ear dude a mix of a wolf and a normal human. WHY the f*ck did he have wings?

[@MikkiRose129]

Technology.

[@daisybtoes]

Does it matter? Really? I n a film where anything goes?

[@judsongaiden9878]

Lots of furries have hybrid fursonas.

[@joeymarliniv2158]

Mila Kunis = overrated. Channing Tatum = overrated. Jupiter Ascending = shit.

[@Shiirow]

Joey Marlin IV now thats a sentiment I can get behind.

[@Paris_Lavender]

Are they really overrated? I don't see them getting Oscar nods or anything. And they seem to be in films that don't even strive for awards. Plus, I don't know anyone that would consider them acting juggernauts. I'm not knocking your opinion. I just think that maybe you meant bad and not overrated.

[@alexiz0013]

Joey Marlin IV i'd agree, but i think Channing, is slowly becoming better. He's turning into a better actor, but it's just that he's been in movies that aren't helping...lol he was good for his role in Foxcatcher, and i want him to keep getting roles in good movies that DO help. But yeah, i agree about Mila Kunis...And also, why do so many people think she's so hot? She looks pretty average to me...but how the fuck can i say that, since compared to me she looks like the most perfect, super sexy, angelically beautiful woman on earth...XD

[@alexiz0013]

Fenix lol idk, maybe it's just me (at least that's what i've been told) so thinking that way i guess i could maybe be a bit below average lol whatever.

[@Shiirow]

Alexiz001 Well cant comment on that since Ive never seen the real you but most peoples self image is far worse than the reality, unless you have a healthy self confidence or a raging narcissistic.

[@nachtschatten8710]

When I watched that movie for the first time, I found it popcorny but pretty silly though entertaining ("I love dogs!" 😂). And then I found your review and two things happened: 1) This has become my favorite CinemaSins review so far 😘 I watch it so often just for the shere fun of it! and 2) The movie actually became a cherished part of my DVD collection and everytime I watch it, I literally can hear the CinemaSis' comments in my head (inlcuding the 'ping' of the sin counter). 😂 So, thank you very much for your fine work! 👍🏻😁

[@TheLowBrassDude]

doing the math, at 127 minutes and 225 sins, that is roughly 1.7 sins per minute.

[@erikw.s.5209]

well, obviously nobody remembered the aliens in Chicago because they're Silents.

[@leviosaelm7876]

Which Aliens?😂

[@LyricNear]

Oooooooooooooh

[@MrMoltenlava]

+Lessien Séregon hahaha that's actually a really cool idea

[@schuhey7021]

Lessien Séregon you mean they are the silence*

[@ReddwarfIV]

Lessien Séregon But no one saw the aliens themselves. They're not going to just forget seeing spacecraft and buildings on fire on the videos they took.

[@yungame8201]

Also, when the guy was going to marry Jupiter, isn't that like incest? Jupiter is his mother in a way.

[@darrelsam419]

Shit, you're right. +1 for incest.

[@zacharywolf5666]

Anaya Etheridge and it's genetically incest too, ugh now this is getting wierd

[@kyletowers9662]

Anaya Etheridge well they ARE royalty

[@carlmart5797]

+Anaya Etheridge The Aristocrats.

[@eXtremeDR]

Anaya Etheridge Incest is a must for them because of the genes.

[@JustKelso1993]

Thumbs up for the Firefly reference! Mal was who I thought of when you said 'The Verse'.

[@ReallyUnskilled]

I TOTALLY wasted my money on that one...

[@nnnn20430]

Really Unskilled good thing i torrented it and then wrote 0's all over it after 3 min just to make sure no part of it is left on my hdd

[@sunofslavia]

Really Unskilled Think about the money that went into the production of this turd...

[@wizard680]

same I want my money back

[@redpotatoes1515]

It's weird when you pay to sleep

[@Zappygunshot]

+Really Unskilled Piracy fallacies aside: you should've seen that coming.

[@Random_Number]

On another note, I can't believe these are the same people who gave us *The Matrix*, one of the greatest movies of the past 20 years. The Wachowski's are like a one-hit-wonder band from the 80's... maybe like the band A-Ha. The Matrix is "Take On Me."

[@forrestpenrod2294]

Cloud Atlas is pretty good. But yeah they don’t have a great track record.

[@lizzfrmhon]

I think so too man.

[@the1onlyteagro]

Yeah but they're the One hit wonder that the industry props up as being more then anyone gives a shit about.

[@deborahhanna6640]

You take that filthy opinion back right now!!! A-ha is one of the greatest bands of all time.

[@alekesam]

@@deborahhanna6640 Because of that one song. :D

[@DoopyBooper]

Cinema Sins Makes it faster, easier, and free of charge to watch movies. Thank you Cinema Sins for making me hate movies, and enjoying that. :)

[@pabrowncoatbrewer7154]

I got to say I’m a little disappointed. I thought that for the wedding scene you would’ve actually over dubbed... MAWWAIGE. MAWWAIGE is what brings us togevvew today.

[@soulcrusher2004]

Not even the cinema sins for this movie is enjoyable

[@bohannonorr7665]

hahaha

[@bruce000000070000000]

I actually found it quite funny

[@soulcrusher2004]

+bruce randall it was a joke on how bad the movie is, I liked the video but despised the movie

[@AndAllTheWhileAnimalsSuffer]

... I'm watching this the third time... =)

[@bruce000000070000000]

Terrible Katherine It's actually my fifth hahahaha

[@BuFFoTheArtClown]

Um, it's 2015 dude.... Wal mart lines are also automated. DING

[@averagejoe6617]

What, no

[@BuFFoTheArtClown]

+Marvel fan What, yes

[@ghostrider2214]

+BuFFoTheArtClown and the dmv still sucks really really bad.

[@BuFFoTheArtClown]

+jaxxice :( Are DMV line automated? I haven't been inside a DMV since 2005. I just renew my license online.

[@ghostrider2214]

BuFFoTheArtClown Nope at least not in Georgia, if for any reason you have to go there you're fucked.

[@afnansayed1156]

Movie accidentally captured footage of Eddie Redmayne being bored! 😂😂 poor redmayne! He is such an amazing actor. Why did he do this to himself

[@bernlin2000]

He probably heard that Sean Bean was going to do it and thought "well, it can't be TOO bad".

[@mxtw7910]

...ice cream

[@21melpomene]

Maybe he needed a quick paycheck.

[@tripleb5197]

Honestly, I think that this was his paid vacation. He got a paycheck, so he just said "sod it" and did what ever he wanted and had fun, instead of actually putting effort into it, hence going from not giving a crap to GOOOOOOOO!.

[@apurugganan]

@@bernlin2000 "well if Sean makes it without getting killed, it's not *that* bad"

[@vizthex]

honestly the floating laser skates look cool and fun to use

[@keeperofthecheese]

"without a 27-B/6" thats an inside joke. 27B/6 WAS GEORGE ORWELLS ADDRESS IN LONDON when he wrote 1984 ! Its also the form that drives engineers crazy in BRAZIL ! "Do you have a 27-B/6?" I think it also features in Zero Theorem !

[@Celeste2997]

Eddie Redmayne redeemed himself by playing Newt Scamander I guess.. I can't believe how horrible he acted in this though.. But yeah, he totally fit the role of Newt in FBAWTFT.

[@melrenee5416]

Holy shit that was him? I didn't even recognise him after this movie

[@mistervalclasse6060]

Celestial he was also great in the danish girl

[@primmoore6232]

Let's consider that Eddie acted the way the makers of this movie WANTED him to act. Look around at the other characters. Yeah? Then again, if you found yourself stuck in this thieving train-wreck of a movie, would you give your usual Oscar-worthy best performance? Nah.

[@anisevandonk6376]

Captain Mercurian banging his mom? Which one is that?

[@alexisbyrd9569]

Eddie redmayne is a snack 👌

[@jadelan9549]

Do Pixels please!

[@dobleflamingo]

They can't until it's on DVD.

[@stefastra11]

DeDeDork 649 why?

[@romanlopez7226]

you must be stupid

[@Arcadyi]

Jadelan Bach there's only one sin in that movie, Adam fucking Sandler

[@thewayfarer8849]

Jadelan Bach One of the sins was holding Peter Dinklage fucking hostage :L

[@LilB335]

When i saw this movie for the first my only shield and way to continue watching was the concept of "this must be an adaptation, surely all of this is better explained in the book" There wasn't a book....and I did believe that for a lot of years...

[@gaius1010]

Whose idea was it to cast Channing Tatum in this? All I see is a bloody male stripper. And Mila Kunis has the emotional range of a frozen steak.

[@maddog788]

+Gaius 10 i would rather watch the steak.

[@Zamolxes77]

+Malfurion Stormrage watch the steak cleaning toilets :)

[@williamtimonen6814]

Stop insulting the steak! It was once a part of a living breathing animal! Unlike Mila Kunis!

[@viktorriquelme3735]

+Gaius 10 like carrie anne-moss in the trilogy of matrix

[@maddog788]

Victor Riquelme Oh yes i hated her in every single one

[@EmilioReyes_97]

This actually could work as a book if it really has that much exposition.

[@JackDuripper]

Of course they can't attack while invisible!Haven't you ever played tf2 Jeremy?

[@atomiclord8581]

These are aliens dude, not freakin spies with invis watches lol

[@KuciMane]

Atomic Lord The sarcasm your head

[@mikesnake48]

Jack Duripper halo... the game your looking for is halo

[@mandil3861]

Jack Duripper because aliens have fucking Dead Ringers in their DNA

[@ChivalrousSnake]

MarcoPyro Productions No, no, they ARE Dead Ringers.

[@rhaenyrareigns2200]

Respect for the "Three Investigators" books reference.

[@RaoulRamsaran]

this guy deserves an award for his awesome sarcastic laugh. Who else agrees?

[@bibniebt]

The lizard man at 5:11 looks exactly like the Zorgons from Zathura, which came out in 2005 and had better effects than anything in this movie. Movie thinks it can rip off an obscure but underrated and great movie. Movie is wrong. And now I want to go watch Zathura

[@themedia1271]

Mila Kunis had the exact same facial expression the whole fucking movie. No emotion whatsoever.

[@josephquinn5189]

+The Media She must've been trying to follow Kristen Stewart's example in all the Twilights

[@themedia1271]

Joseph Quinn that might be true

[@shahow69]

the laser skates are literally the solution to every problem that the protagonists have in this move, show me one scene that the laser skates didnt help them get out of a problem

[@thejoker2482]

List of movies Jupiter Ascending ripped off: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring Masters of the Universe Cinderella Signs Blade Runner Superman Returns Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (which did NOT rip off The Fifth Element) Men in Black Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back Ernest Saves Christmas Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi Star Trek: Into Darkness Star Trek: The Motion Picture A.I.: Artificial Intelligence Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope The Black Hole Evangelion Wedding Crashers This film rips off more movies than The Asylum does with ONE of their movies.

[@Rachael1918]

Zach K having elements in common with does not equate to 'ripping off'. Star Wars is just as guilty as 'ripping off' other movies according to the loose standard you seem to be using.

[@s.gregory4129]

+Rachael1918 I think it was a joke :)

[@s.gregory4129]

+Zach K (filmbuff95) Don't forget Soylent Green and Maid in Manhattan :D

[@Rachael1918]

Sharon Gregory maybe, but I've seen many people present it as a serious criticism of the film (which is rather silly!)

[@Wheja_sciart]

Rachael1918 There ARE people who say that there aren't any original ideas, but in that case, they're looking for the most unique combination of such. In the case of "Star Wars," it was more or less an experiment on the Hero's Journey Layout, but keep in mind that until 1977, nobody had really done it on that scale before. In a way, the familiar western-romance/ knights-and-princess story made the world more inviting. Who wouldn't want to be captain of the Millennium Falcon after seeing it blast into hyperspace like that? That's probably where "Jupiter Ascending" fails- it doesn't offer any new light on those ideas. Nobody was really surprised when they found out what the miracle elixir was because, unfortunately, we all saw the Matrix. As soon as we heard that the master race was growing humans, we knew it had to be for some nefarious purpose that would keep them eternally young. In terms of storytelling, characters, aesthetics, and cinematography, any one could be forgiven on its own for being similar to another film. But all of them at once (like that painfully familiar wedding scene in the second act) tell us that it's clearly uninspired to be original.

[@carolinamurtha3102]

I saw Mika Kunis on James Cordons show doing the “spill your guts/fill your guys” and one of the questions was “can you explain the plot of ‘Jupiter Ascending?’” She tried for a minute, gave and ate something gross. Now I get why she had such a hard time.

[@quasarstorm4009]

"What does FTL stand for? Let's speculate!" "Flaccid Transportation legume?!" "Freaking Treacherous lagoon?!" "F*ck The Leech?!" 4:44

[@ilikecurry2345]

Faster than Light?

[@marinalvasantananetosantan9135]

9

[@Artbug]

"this guys face looks like a trip to the moon" 😂 😂 😂

[@Psychotyzm]

Fun fact, there really are antelopes named dik-dik... And they are so tiny and cute and tiny and tiny...

[@Psychotyzm]

Annoying Nerd is it tiny and cute and tiny?

[@GarglingBlals]

+Psycho Gaming it's not tiny, but it could be considered cute

[@Psychotyzm]

Annoying Nerd Perfect... I love huge chunks of meat... ... on my BBQ...

[@bighelio1093]

+Annoying Nerd oh my goodness (⊙.⊙)

[@PinkSistahs]

i once was looking out a window and a squirrel flew into it.. maybe it thought i was a deer

[@jayblade2000]

"Men do not like smart women." Um, I find smart women to by highly attractive, thank you very much.

[@SuperLordGaming]

jayblade2000 Exactly, it's just a random dumb line for the character.

[@oompie815]

He is right tho.

[@Rachael1918]

jayblade2000 the film is not advocating that viewpoint by having one of the characters say it - Jupiter's mom shoots him down immediately afterwards.

[@SV67943]

Samrat Singh Rathore "Bros" don't like smart women. "Men" don't agree on much of anything, much less taste in women, and have been killing each other over it for thousands and thousands of years.

[@Ryzen776]

+jayblade2000 "Dumb men do not like smart women." A little rectification was in order.

[@Laceykat66]

Not meaning to be the historian here, but "how slow is the military response time . . ." 6:18 Need I remind you that after the Twin Towers were hit the "Military" had to scramble jets out of Norfolk Virginia. AND they were sent the wrong direction. AND they were not armed. So, pretty accurate movie portrayal of U.S. Military response.

[@kingleech16]

+Laceykat66 Yeah, the Transformers movie has made everyone think you can get aircraft to any hotspot in about 30 seconds. Another thing to kick Michael Bay in the shins for.

[@sawyerknight2344]

well after that happened they made changes to make it safer so in case it happened again they would be ready

[@Laceykat66]

+Sawyer Knight I hope so Sawyer but I would not bet on it. Military planning is generational. The order is probably still only making its way through the chain of command.

[@tediousmaximus1067]

+Laceykat66 Yes that part of the review made me think of the 9-11 attacks too. The US Military is useless both in the movies and in the real world!

[@geargrinder87]

+Laceykat66 Isn't the bare minimum deployment time for jets somewhere around 15 minutes? And that's not counting the time it actually takes to fly from the airbase to wherever the battle is taking place

[@PoughKing]

The Laser Skates thing did throw it off. But what I gathered was it was like an Aladdin type story, and that was his Magic Carpet.

[@li-limandragon9287]

It’s just all anime inspired with some token references to other things done poorly.

[@bradariousspar5003]

2:59 Here's me- "What? Dude, you are literally 5ft away. I can't here you. Someone get this man a mega phone." - I now apoligize to Marvel, Captain America, Black Panther, and really everything/everyone for paraphrasing Black Panther's line in regards to this movie.

[@Buzbikebklyn1]

Actually Mila's real story isn't that far from this story. She learned English from the TV. She looked very good as Jupiter in those gowns. Tatum had the "protector" role down. The "I love dogs" thing was cute. I liked it. Redmayme actually was a bad guy! The girl and her dog bit was cool. The cross slicing clone/manufactured being was interesting. The last flight scene with a "sky board" was neat. I liked it.

[@markukrainetz5058]

I went through this entire review, yet I have no idea what the movie was about.

[@Snoke1912]

Great now you are just as knowledgeable about the movie as everyone who watched it.

[@blooddragon805]

Watch the honest trailer Because it honestly explain the movie better than the movie itself did

[@mandlenkosingcobo9608]

4 times and in the same boat, but will try another 3 time then move on.

[@tommerker8063]

it's about space vampires and bees, it has some cool ideas, but the story is pretty shitty

[@sazuna4024]

@@tommerker8063 You forgot about rats and cooking. Oh wait a second... was that another subtle filmreference as well?

also, that business with the Bees reminded me of a line in a fantasy novel: "bees cannot abide the presence of evil." that's from a book called "the sleeping beauty" by Mercedes Lackey. it's a hilarious book that jumbles several classic stories together in very silly ways.

[@joejunior5991]

Balem/Eddie : I CREATE LIVE!!!!!!! Jeremy : i create live (DING)

[@EbonMaster]

looks like a bad episode of Dr. Who but with a slightly higher budget.

[@halofornoobs93]

EbonMaster Idk, that seems like standard Dr. Who quality.

[@alanrobinson-orr8748]

EbonMaster Yes, if you're talking about the classic series. No if you're talking about the revived series.

[@JMRSN]

But all episodes of dr who are bad, though.

[@noahhuffstutler2686]

+xXFoxman84Xx You did not just say that. I will get one of my friends to fix your brain with their deus ex macina device. (sonic wrench)

[@ReddwarfIV]

EbonMaster Reminds me of _Kill The Moon_. Such a crappy episode, that could have been saved by saying that, yes, the astronaut woman was right. Having an Earth-mass space dragon moving around in Lunar orbit would have thrown Earth off it's orbital path, and then Everybody's Dead, Dave.

[@shazk.557]

This film was stunningly inept. It's plotting, acting, characters EVERYTHING was in shambles. Kunis is so unconvincing that it's a wonder that she was not nominated for a Razzie...oh, wait!

[@MleCmusiclovr]

Who, and I mean _who,_ thought the main male protagonist being an alien werewolf angel soldier was a good idea?

[@josch5305]

It's like they listed all the things that makes tween girls write fanfiction and put it all in one character

[@melaniebund6833]

I love this film, for me the only blooper was the sanitary pad and the fact that Kane's hair kept changing colour ,,, and of course the ending scene when she flinches but the wings haven't actually surrounded them yet ...

[@jakespacepiratee3740]

Indeed. It’s a masterstroke of shit.

[@paragonnatalie5873]

Please please please PLEASE do Everything wrong with Paul Blart: Mall Cop!

[@paragonnatalie5873]

And The Spongebob Movie (the first one)

[@arturodejesuscruzcasab9502]

+Cosmic Panda The first SB movie was incredibly hilarious and they can't do an EVERYTHING wrong with Paul Blart: Mall Cop in less than an hour.

[@royalheap4846]

+Arturo Casab Maybe the first one... The second one however...

[@arturodejesuscruzcasab9502]

Noobtube Yeah, I know.

[@paragonnatalie5873]

I love both movies as much as a movie can be loved. I just wanna see them do those movies

[@jaehwasa6850]

"I love dogs, I always loved dogs." Everytime I hear her say that, I'm thinking of Die Ärzte song "Claudia hat 'nen Schäferhund"

[@topperthehorse]

"Did you know there are antelopes called dik diks?" BEST LINE EVER

[@kieranhair37]

"A year from now, both actors will have played Gambit." Poor Channing.

[@li-limandragon9287]

Poor Gambit, hope the MCU does him justice.