falling back in love

The path to building emotional warmth and intimacy with the person you love.
*Theory of bids derived from the Gottman Method.

[@katieleadabrand2378]

You explained things so well u have this ability to put thoughts and emotions in words it's a talent that I wish I had

[@MatthiasJBarker]

This is so kind, thank you!

[@shortprobsshortstories5201]

@@MatthiasJBarker do you write poetry? I feel like you would be really good at it.

[@monicac2466]

I second this.

[@lovejazzy33]

Please make that second video about trusting again and getting rid of resentment 🥺

[@lovelytia518]

Ooo yes!! This!!

[@deniserenteria5962]

yes pls!!

[@Aniitabby1]

Yes! I definitely agree!!!

[@MegaLaurenhannah]

Please do this!!! Going thru this right now and really need it ❤️❤️🥺 he is truly amazing !!

[@yoshiston3r]

Have you made the dealing with contempt and disdain yet? Just asking for an update

[@antj8935]

Thank you. I teared up when I was able to recognize my faults in my lack of interest for some of my wife’s things she enjoys. I walked over and apologized. There are so many times she wants to show me things and I barely make an attempt to give her the time she’s asking for. Not always, but enough for me to recognize where I can do better. Thanks brother.

[@nbtoppers2]

The Lord speaks through you in powerful ways so simply. Thank you.

[@Ayayaayaya0_0]

Awwhhh jesus, I'm 18, and just through watching you on KZbin, Instagram, tiktok.. I've actually learnt so much about me as a person, how I should respond to certain things, how I should manage my thoughts ect, what's right and wrong in relationships and all that jazz! You get what I'm trying to say, but seriously, thank you for uploading all of these. Because some people really need a voice, and you are that voice for me and probably so many more! I love you man

[@winnethisoma8396]

Same here☺️

[@tdlentine]

My wife and I have been practicing these things this past year... Almost ended a year ago but we recommited and this last year has been the best ever! Keep the videos coming! We watched this together 😊

[@halieproctor]

I never realized how my lack of interest could effect my partner, I should have because there are times he does to me and it doesn’t feel very nice. I’m going to work on changing how I respond to him& show more interest ❤️

[@lukeskeltonii6297]

As a person who is currently struggling with the mundane things in a relationship you just blew my mind. And thank you because maybe the way you just described and worded everything, might help me fix my downfalls to save my marriage. So thank you. And please keep it coming who know what else you could put into perspective for me

[@MatthiasJBarker]

I’m so so glad it was helpful!!

[@Lisa-ei7qn]

My reaction to the title was: I'm in love with my husband I don't need this. My reaction after listening is: how do I get my husband to hear this? This is relationship gold for people in it for more than a few years.

[@Fewdesigns]

Mathias, my wife found you on Tiktok, and I searched for your KZbin. I plan on watching everything I have favorited on Tiktok of yours to watch on KZbin; you are spot on with most of my feelings and especially this video will help us navigate each other in a more positive way. Her and I have been. Together since 2002 and married in 2009. Here it is 2020; 11 years married and 18years together - she is all I know. She is my sunshine and I love her with every particle of me. But we lost something along the way; I will do everything in my power to spend the rest of my life with her, thank you for showing us a way!

[@Thehappymediocre]

If you don't mind my asking, what did you lose sir?

[@Starsublime6]

The part when you said that in order to maintain equilibrium, you need 5 positive reactions for every negative was mind-blowing and truly eye opening. I paused and grabbed a pen at that point. My husband and I are actually getting along well right now, but that made me realize how much better, how much deeper we could be, I could be. We have gotten complacent in the past, used to the distance, but I don't want that to happen anymore. I'm so thankful that I found you on tiktok and that you've chosen to use these platforms for such meaningful and helpful messages. You bring counsel and advice to people who may otherwise be unable to seek it out. ❤️

[@zap7004]

You're the only person I have notifications turned on for, I genuinely appreciate your videos so much. Thank you for them. I hope things continue to go well for you, you're gonna be such an amazing father.

[@carsonsuggs6520]

The videos keep me going, please never stop making these.

[@marialuizavolynets3468]

Thank you for this needed revelation.

[@aimeedoyle1748]

Wow I feel so seen, I’m exactly at the point you described where I no longer seek attention because I’m so use to receiving a negative response. Thank you for putting this into words.

[@ksena_mi]

Thank you soooo much! This is so powerful! Just found your channel recently, but looking forward exploring it!

[@Issa_bad_idea]

Thank you for putting these into words that I could never express this is something that I will be teaching myself working on how I respond to those around me.

[@jakesmith3618]

Sir you will never know how much your videos have helped me, encouraged me, and taught me ways to be a better husband, father, friend, etc. I am a 6 ft 280 pound bearded man and I'm typing this through tears bc I had no hope in my life and marriage until I just happened to scroll onto one of your videos on tik tok. Now I'm subscribed and follow you on there and here. Thank you so much

[@danielhester1164]

It’s crazy how on point this is and how I can relate to it so much. Idk how to thank you on the app you showed me and this will help so much. Thank you thank you

[@Jaguar121114]

I want to thank you for putting this into the world we need this, I need this, and it helps so many people in sure because all of your tik tocks have helped me and led me to your you tube.

[@coleroberts1773]

I saw your tik tok that mentioned this video and I decided to watch it. I'm glad I did I needed this. thank you for this

[@jleigh784]

How do you always know what I need to hear 😫 you have the best way of explaining things! I have learned so much in the short time of watching your videos here and on TikTok. THANK YOU!!!!

[@camilleeborn216]

I love the way you are able to articulate things, your videos really inspire me to better myself and my relationship with others. I really want to become a psychiatric nurse, and this is my first year taking a college psychology class. Doing it online has been so hard. Whenever I start feeling overwhelmed I look to you, you remind me of why I’m doing this; I feel like you’re able to reach out to people and touch their lives and really help them. I would love a video about letting things go. I feel like it’s so easy to forgive someone but hard to forget about it. You just continue to feel the pain emotionally and it makes it hard when your trying to rebuild your relationship with said person.

[@ashleybee1792]

This was amazing. I see myself and my husband so much in this. We still need to get past the resent first, but I love recognizing my own failures with the everyday mundane things.

[@cheyennekelley2164]

Love these videos so much. I can relate to each and every one of them deeply and I just love listening to them and laying my thoughts out. It’s very calming for someone who feels with anxiety and depression related to past trauma and bipolar disorder. Would love for you to do one on trust in a relationship, insecurities, how to handle certain situations etc. Keep being inspirational!

[@markkut]

This was so good and refreshing to listen to! Thanks for taking the time to share this with us!

[@garrettbunch8473]

I can say that you have honestly got me thinking in new ways and just sent me a wake up call for everything that I do. I just need to say that you caught my attention immediately just by the way you speak and how you word things, and it really connects to the deep parts of me making it really mean something. Thank you for all of this man, you are an amazing guy and keep doing what you are doing because you truly are saving some people from bad things. Stay awesome man!

[@daFish08]

I've heard the 5:1 concept before. But I've never understood it until now. I feel like I understand where I've messed up in past relationships now. Thank you so much.

[@honestfigurereviews]

You’re amazing,everything you say makes so much sense and so easy to follow Thank you

[@caguilar69]

Just got done watching your video, actually saw a snip of it on tiktok and saw u were also on KZbin. It could not have come at a better time. It was as though you knew what I was thinking, doing, even the time of day. I've been struggling with my relationship on exactly this topic, not knowing how to cope or handle it. I believe it was Godsend. Dude, Thank You. I will put into practice what u talked about. Now that I know you are on KZbin, there are certainly topics I need to listen to. Thank you for your help and may God bless you and your family always.

[@AnthonyKennedyHager]

Thank you for this video. I have been trying to be mindful in my relationship with my wife. We have spent hours talking to each other lately because I realized for years I didn't see her as her own person. It has truly help me fall in love with her all over again because I see her for the caring, warm, incredible human that she is. I will be using the gottman cards to continue these conversations. Thank you so much

[@kamivanway2935]

You are the deepest, more pure breath of fresh air. PLEASE keep this critical content coming, you're changing lives! 🙏🙌

[@VisceralVyper]

Your videos are extremely helpful, this coming from a person who has always been in struggling relationships and is now taking a long break because of anxiety, i find that this will help me a lot in any future relationship that i have. Thank you, I'll keep this in mind 😄

[@jasminlener996]

You have soo much warmth and love in your eyes. I wish all the best to you and your wife!

[@alecia484]

Thank you so much! You explain things so well, and so basic. Maybe watching you will save my marriage

[@juderenee578]

I love this so much! My boyfriend of a year and I have this really strong connection and I’m truly so in love with him. It’s both our first relationship and we’re only 18 so people say we’re silly and we feel silly. Also, my parents had a nasty divorce and his parents maybe should be divorced so it’s hard to see a future where relationships, especially young ones like ours, pan out. But, we know we have a real friendship and substantive relationship and it’s worth trying for. So, I’m definitely going to keep what you said in mine. Especially the first part about reacting positively. I want to be more mindful of that.

[@shortprobsshortstories5201]

Wow...every time I Watch your videos I always share them with at least one person. Like holy goodness....I wish others in your field brought truth and grace in the quantities you do.

[@andreamedina7813]

I love how you explain things. You love what you do! You can see the passion for your profession. I thank you for this, I will try this with my husband.

[@jillpetersen7298]

I discovered you and your amazing therapy and advice about a yr ago on TikTok and I am in love with all your content. You’ve helped me so so much and I am grateful! Please keep sharing your wisdom with the world ❤

[@alexandercordero1887]

Congrats on adding a new addition to the family 👼🏼🤰🏽!!! Really feel these videos!!! Thanks

[@monicafoster3503]

Wow......this whole video was so insightful and educational, thank you for putting this out into the world! Thank you for putting your expertise out here for us to hear and learn from! Thank you!

[@jamies8991]

Wow!!!!! I don’t even know what to say to this. I came across your channel because my co worker got me your gratitude book, which couldn’t have been received at a more needed time. But this is absolutely mind blowing stuff.

[@triniasantistevan9512]

Thank you for giving me hope that I can fall back in love with my husband again. I am going to download the Gottmen Card Deck to try to explore and learn more about him. I can only pray that he is willing to work on us. We are now talking about going to marriage counseling as a way to see if we can make it work. I know I love him but something is missing. Have we grown that far apart that we can not do find our way back to each other? I love what you said about each other’s interest. I find a way to show my appreciation for some of his interest in a positive away. he can not do the same for me. However, I think therapy will either help our marriage or help us understand that it is over.

[@clarkjames5177]

You are the Man @Matthais J Barker! Keep doing what you are doing, we all really appreciate it!

[@staceycullen2072]

Thank you for this!! You randomly appeared on my tiktok fyp tonight, and I truly believe that I was meant to find you now. My almost 6-year relationship is on the rocks for some of these exact reasons, and my fiancé has told me his concerns more than once, and I thought I had made improvements but it turns out I didn't understand what he was was truly asking for until I saw your video. I've already committed to seeking therapy on my own regardless of our relationship status because I recognize my own need for that type of support and guidance. (I wish you weren't booked out - we're in the same state, just opposite sides of the mountain.) But finding you at the exact moment I needed you gives me hope that we can save our relationship. Thank you for your content!

[@maereyno8235]

I've recently broken up with someone with this issue - responding positively to things that the other is interested in - being one of the main ones. I felt like I was giving that but not receiving the same in return. At first, I felt silly and picky and just bad about myself, in general, to break up with them over such a "small" thing, but this video helped me see that this isn't a small thing at all. It's such an important aspect of any relationship. I love your videos on here and TikTok :)

[@papillon1211]

This was really thought-provoking. You could also apply this to how you interact with your children. Thank you so much.

[@joannabanana9532]

I needed this so much right now. Thank you.

[@vincentflores9525]

Hello How are you? I'm Vincent!

[@willcollins5832]

I don’t comment often. But you really do inspire me with your thoughts and words. Keep going, your gonna change the world. You already changed mine.

[@stephanycreviston5703]

My husband and I have our 1st wedding anniversary tomorrow. With covid, we have been struggling to think of ideas for how to spend it. We are ordering in from his favorite restaurant but we wanted more than dinner. I think the Gottman card decks would be an awesome way to spend the night. Thank you for sharing! I just recently found you on tik tok and I’m hooked.

[@yvettemalherbe5611]

Wish you had more videos. I find it extremely easy to listen to you. Congrats on the pregnancy!

[@MonaAlHmood]

Matthias I love you, I recently followed on Tiktok then so grateful I found your KZbin channel 😍❤️ I'm so touched by the lovely reminder you shared here and truly believe that indeed it is the little tangible things that matters also I think that will help me not only to nourish the love with our partners but also with our family and friends and even ourselves. And between you have the kindest eyes and smile I ever seen, God bless your heart and soul ❤️

[@MLSprof]

Thanks Matthias, even after being married for 30 years, your advice and talk gave me fresh ideas to get to know my wife better. As our children are graduating and moving away from home I’m realizing I need to get to relearn my spouse’s likes and desires as they have changed (as mine have) while raising our kids for the last 25 years. Getting that app you suggested also. So grateful for you! Keep on sharing!

[@debbiewright734]

I didn’t know I wanted a therapist till I seen your videos 😩❤️❤️ your amazing with everything you post!! And has me thinking about how I react and do wrong in myself and how much more I need from my partner that I never even knew how to ask!❤️❤️❤️

[@dawnwinters593]

Your advice is well taken they way you present this information it is so soothing you draw my attention thanks for all this

[@kiayacakes]

This was such an amazing video to watch with my partner! It opened up such an amazing open dialog for us. Thank you for posting these videos ❤️

[@beccabryant9934]

I am a sharing kind a person. It makes me happy to share things with my loved ones. 1st grade share and tell taught me this. Only now I don’t share with a group of people. I want to share with my love. 💜 I’m currently single but recently seeing someone new. I’ve noticed this pattern in myself again. Beautiful video! Love the advice! Thank you for sharing!!!!

[@marisalucero2071]

Iv been with my partner since 2011 I divorced him in 2018 and we got back together last year and are working on things but it’s so hard to be positive about things because I’m so used to his negativity from before but I’m learning and it’s so hard .. I love listening to your videos it really helps me with trying to get to know who he is now and not the person he was before. ❤️

[@gaigemaher3909]

Dude your honestly like a wizard. Thanks man.

[@Theegru_dge]

That really helped me deeply man thank you 🥺

[@jaclynmarie8681]

Hi hello. Here from Tik Tok and first of all your voice so calming. Secondly, I think I'm going to stay on your page for awhile after this being my first video I'm watching here. A year ago I fell for this amazing guy and he was actually my first everything. I could not have been happier with us but we were both on different pages in our personal growth which in return led to our ending. But we were those people that decided we were each others best friends and person and we were never going to just drop the other. It was rough but I understood the reasoning. We recently began talking again and it's been going well. This whole video really reminded me that I don't know a lot about him (other than the basics that I fell for) but I know that I'm in love with him. He's returning from basic training next month so I think I'm going to plan a date and use the app to get to know him more. Thank you for sharing your knowledge!

[@brookepersonette7072]

I love watching your videos! The way you talk in the videos it’s like FaceTiming a friend you’ve know forever. Very helpful and less anxiety filled getting new information. I’ve learned so much, and also got my husband watching on his own. Thanks for always being real.

[@paulvoorhies8821]

Yeah. Like FaceTiming a person with whom you can’t get a word in edgewise because he’s too busy acting off of the teleprompter in front of him.

[@ListenVibeReact]

I learned a lot from this. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us.

[@MatthiasJBarker]

Glad it was helpful!

[@nyahriah]

I consider myself to be a good partner (wife). We have 9 kids between the 2 of us. Lots of moving parts so to speak. This was very eye opening!! How much am I actually just supporting what is /how things are opposed to pressing into my husband. Exploring and learning to encourage how much more things can be. Love you for that lesson!

[@alexandriameeks9631]

I’m so grateful to have come across your TIK TOK video. Your content is brilliant, you deliver so much insightful information. Keep it up!!

[@victoriadown8756]

Love this. Love how you explain things. Helps you have self realisation. Told my partner I was going to send him this video and I would appreciate if he watched it --- he rolled his eyes and said "ugh another one" - because I sent him one on instagram a few weeks ago.... ha

[@CassssyBelle]

This video was so helpful, and came at a perfect time. Thank you!

[@marioperez9373]

Absolutely wonderful. The essential part of any relationship is INTEREST; true interest, not just an exercise for the sake of checking a box. Relationships are a choice for both parties-a choice to experience life together. The magic occurs when both perspectives are shared to create one beautiful picture.

[@gordo7732]

I wish I would have seen your videos earlier. Too late to apply or change my ways because I lost her. But it’s good to know where I went wrong thank you a lot Matthias you’ve taught me a lot

[@Nina-el2tn]

like and subscribed, thanks for the life advice that no one irl seems to think was worth teaching, keep it up ✊

[@elyssahernandez3083]

recently found you on tiktok and i love your videos i’m definitely going to stay tuned because i know i can learn from you and better myself in situations ☺️

[@taybaybay___]

cried about 7 minutes in and haven’t stopped since. just like you said at the beginning, there’s a whole layer of work to be done for me to leave behind any resentment towards my long-term boyfriend. it feels like years of anger have built up and show in my daily negative responses to him. since my boyfriend has bpd, i think he tries to focus more on the tiny positives out of fear for losing our relationship, but i don’t see it the same way he does. i would LOVE to watch a video about this first step!

[@khnoonecares]

Same! I'm guessing its probably something we need to hash out in therapy, me and my husband, but I would love a video about it. It might encourage my husband to want to get some guidance if I could show him a video about how important it is to get past our issues. I love this man's content and analogies. They are so spot on and so eye opening.

[@Hikage24]

Oh man, Mr. Barker, I wish you where my counselor, this was so informative, I read a book, Buddha's Mind, and it talked about the the same 5 good things to balance 1 bad, unfortunately for me, my relationship is over, but this informations is so good and I can listen to you for hours. Im going to look up Mr. Gottoman and see his literature, thank you, have a wonderful day, and keep up the great work.👍🏽🍻

[@codycampbellcontracting7132]

Love that app such a good starter to cognitively walking threw love

[@tori_zabroski]

Oh my goodness. You speak right to me. Such a great video. You’ve got a new subscriber!

[@aubreethomas924]

This helps a lot... my boyfriend and I have been struggling and this helped

[@karladayana8729]

Found you on Tiktok. Your videos have made me realize I have issues lol. And I thank you for making me realize it so I can heal and grow.

[@lenar7537]

Thank you for this! This made me cry, I am too negative and I need to fix this.

[@jessc1943]

Thank you for recommending the app!!

[@kittycatbloodlove747]

I love your videos. Seriously they are great!

[@zack4423]

Thank you for making this content

[@terriwerning3477]

Oh wow. Thank you for this rich session. I’m going to use every single bit of it. We’ve been married 34 years boy do we need this advice.

[@lisaransier2999]

I loved this one. Thanks for the app

[@pocketpoolschool8811]

Found you on tiktok. I love your videos! I am going to spend some time getting to know my wife better now, thanks dude!

[@crystalblakley7883]

I followed you here from tiktok 🙏🙏 I’m so grateful for you.

[@mayragarcia5252]

Love this! Congrats on the baby!

[@andrefiano3182]

As someone with PTSD from combat trust is such a hard thing. Being vulnerable is such a hard thing. Being guarded and not letting down your guard was the only way I made it home. And I trusted and lost 3 of my best buddies over there. I’m willing to learn which is why I’m watching this

[@sharrisq492]

I think i may have just transcribed your entire video with how much I wrote down! Thanks for the app suggestion

[@sierracantley8181]

This was very needed

[@williammcgee1250]

Really enjoyed listening to your insight.

[@beastly2567]

THIS GUY IS GREAT !

[@bekka8798]

Me and my boyfriend do Q&A's but recently have ran out of questions. Can't wait to try the app out tonight 😊

[@ianwalker5210]

I wish we could meet weekly. I can’t connect to other counselors but your videos reach me. I’m drowning.

[@saraithaguyx928]

Couldnt go to sleep found you on tiktok and fell alseep to your voice last night.

[@harjotkaur4980]

You have a very soothing way of talking

[@ellenbenfield8421]

I am putting this on repeat everyday until I can repeat this word for word and implement this into my marriage

[@nickynavarra649]

Thank you, thank you, thank you

[@transformwtrit]

Thank you

[@Skittiecreations]

Wow...Thank you so much...

[@barbmiller-urbandaisy8862]

Really good stuff!! Thank you!