FEAR is the basis of RESPECT: people must hear you hiss

[@psychacks]

A common refrain I hear in my consultations with men is feeling disrespected. These men feel as though other men look down on them, and that women tend to overlook them. And since I've been giving the same feedback in multiple sessions, I thought I would make an episode on the topic to spare guys the trouble. Basically, it's dangerous for a man to appear harmless, as it makes it more likely that he will be the target for aggression that others would like to direct elsewhere -- but are too afraid to do so. Whether we like it or not, fear is the basis of respect. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jaO7c62HZ613e7M Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #respect #men

[@PR-cv1if]

Spot on 🎯 is there a way that your advice can apply to women?

[@Mo-kl4fb]

@@PR-cv1if Hiss, but with a pepper spray in yo purse

[@3vil3lvis]

I disagree, fear is only the basis of respect when you are a coward. When a guy cuts you off because he is in a hurry on the highway and then proceeds to have road rage, I don't respect that guy because he is a douche nozzle. That is called not making someone else's problem yours. See he has no respect for you as he endangers everyone's life by driving crazy and it is not an accident that he is habitually late to where every he is going. That guy is selfish and thinks that his time is more valuable then everyone else. Just because you recognize a pattern where dangerous morons are buckets of 💩 that you don't want to step in, doesn't equate to respect. Is anyone afraid of Robert Downey Jr.? No not really. But he commands respect because he is a leader and everyone looks to him for direction and context. He is also very funny and gregarious. Admiration is the basis of respect. When you hear a brilliant speaker, see a beautiful painting, hear an infectious tune, revel in the machinery of a car or tourbillon watch, enjoy a delicious meal and every time you give a standing ovation..... that is Respect.

[@Mary_QQQ]

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. Proverbs 9:10 ☦️ ✝️

[@stephenbruce4298]

@psychacks There is some truth to what you’re saying regarding the relationship between fear and respect. However I must respectfully disagree with your overall premise. In my experience the basis of respect isn’t fear, but admiration. When people possess character traits and qualities that engender admiration respect follows naturally. Fear only leads to more fear, resentment, and anger. Someone relying on fear may gain a measure of obedience, for a time. But because of the resulting resentment building within the people they manage through fear they’ll never maintain control forever. We should cultivate admirable qualities within ourselves, and recognize those qualities in others whom we respect in order to get respect. In the long term relying on fear and threats to gain respect will only lead to disgust, antagonism, and ultimately in the most extreme cases, isolation!

[@RealityCheck1]

I stay calm in dangerous situations (gun shots, accidents, fist fights). Staying calm in chaotic situations is how you "hiss" that you are a dangerous person & not to be messed with. I happened to be a war veteran. This is what makes me calm in these situations.

[@Hannoshobazz_Neolmech]

You are NOT alone with this overstanding. Cambodia '75 forged me. Semper Fi

[@Mo-kl4fb]

As a war survivor I have the same demeanor

[@enl8ghtenmenttv476]

War makes u raw I guess...

[@JohnSmith-qx8ll]

Exactly. The loudest one in the room is most often the weakest / most insecure.

[@Hannoshobazz_Neolmech]

@@enl8ghtenmenttv476 IT BARES YOUR SOUL

[@Khan-rz8qi]

Doc, one of the biggest reasons for this is our active cultural suppression of masculinity. Society is teaching men that by being docile and embracing the feminine mode of operating more, they will thrive. Not only are men not thriving in this aspect, but they’re getting weaker overtime. Fellas, take pride in your masculinity and be unapologetic about it. There’s nothing to be ashamed off, your anger, aggression and drive for power are healthy masculine aspects of that are necessary for you to evolve. Stop weakening yourselves and moving passively in order not to look “harmful” to others. You don’t have to lack power in order to control yourself.💯

[@IFYOUWANTITGOGETIT]

Will to power. Nietzsche ❤

[@Ace.0.0.0.]

Jordan Peterson says the same. Be a monster, but keep it in check.

[@captainfuture2882]

@@Ace.0.0.0. He sadly failed with that. His "Give them hell" statement regarding the Palestinians and Zionists was very monstrous.

[@RealityCheck1]

It isn't society, it is your leaders in Washington, social media, & guillible sheeple following them. It is not the whole of society, it is only a minority but they are highly promoted in social media.

[@RealityCheck1]

​@@Ace.0.0.0.Karma is coming to those who harm others. Jews & Christians aren't immune to karms.

[@janeyjenjen5972]

“We respect the people who have the power to hurt us but who choose not to.” 👌 I remember this particular convo between Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson where it’s mentioned that “it’s better to be a warrior in a garden than be a gardener in a war.”

[@onemotherpucker]

BULLSEYE

[@crystalpearson924]

Samwise Gamgee would prove otherwise...

[@28pbtkh23]

@@crystalpearson924 - nope. He did draw his sword on at least one occasion, in some tower in Mordor and killed several orcs.

[@Zummbot]

But it’s best to be a gardner in a garden than a warrior in a war.

[@zacklewis342]

@@Zummbot And a garden will never intrude on a war, whereas many a war has had its way with many a garden.

[@MurseSamson]

I would love to tip you what your worth Doc, but I can't afford it! 😂 Great philosophy lecture today! Thank you! 👨‍⚕️🏥

[@psychacks]

That's a generous donation notwithstanding. I appreciate your support, brother.

[@sanathjohnson7240]

Always delivering .Never found another channel like yours.

[@Joe-gl8sr]

💯

[@oclvcarbon123]

It's so good right!

[@lfa5684]

Agreed, because hes actually the few people on this platform that ACTUALLY know wtf hes talking about!

[@johnanon658]

Agree. This and hoe math has helped me a lot recently

[@mbg9650]

Cuz he's RPA, unlike JP.

[@Acoto]

"Social media made y'all way to[o] comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it." - Mike Tyson

[@BrieBrie-hf9nb]

Not sure if this is truly a direct quote but it rocks regardless 🤘🫶

[@matthewdietzen6708]

Speaking of Tyson, even he still gets treated with disrespect. That's because disrespectful people are the actual problem, and not the supposedly "weak" or "low value" person who is the receiver of disrespect. Bas Ruten is another example. People will randomly start fights with him to "prove" something.

[@TinoDanielzik]

The most effective hiss is the ability to take a step back and show your absence. Whether it’s in relationships, work, negotiations, family or whatever. If you can communicate a hiss by simply taking a step back into the shadow, you have become a seriously respectable dude.

[@j.f.almeida9081]

In the meantime, you have to improve yourself in all areas. Especially study human nature because when you come back they will think you are still the same. People perception of you don't change.

[@elainer8288]

Very good comment. It applies to everybody.

[@hemiltongrace6699]

No my friend. You will not gain RESPECT by creating absence You know why? Because now u have demonstrated to that person that YOU ARE NOT RELIABLE. That you can just DISSAPPEAR. In time, you will loose VALUE in that person's mind because after ABSENCE they can no longer count on you KNOWING u got it in you to DISSAPPEAR then REAPPEAR like pick a boo-boo

[@Marcus-gw4bb]

@@j.f.almeida9081 That's a very valuable lesson, thank you for that information. I agree that people's perception of you do not change even after not seeing you for some time and it is up to you to show them how much you have changed during that time of your absence.

[@Marcus-gw4bb]

@@hemiltongrace6699 This is a rather interesting perspective. I guess like everything in this world, there is always an opposite side/argument. What is your suggestion, then in this situation?

[@robertfindley921]

Sad, but true. As a long time manager, I learned that if I was too chummy with my subordinates, I would lose control of them. Respect was far more valuable than like, but I always tried for both, sacrificing like if necessary.

[@eclecticd9953]

“Would I rather be feared or loved? Simple. Both. I want them to be afraid of how much they love me.” - Michael Scott

[@NickM_FirstofHisName]

I love this story. I'm a small man, and people tended to mess with me, until I started giving them death glares that meant that they'd catch these hands if need be. It went down a lot. Some people who used to mess with me don't anymore...

[@johnanon658]

What went down? Like you had fights? Or you mean them messing w you decreased?

[@NickM_FirstofHisName]

@@johnanon658 Less people mess with me, and when they notice my stare, some who still mess with me give up on it.

[@rayrwyr]

Small people with big voice and big attitude can command much respect.

[@GaryAJMartin]

Just look like a psycho and they leave you alone…works every time!🙂

[@NickM_FirstofHisName]

@@johnanon658 Let me be more precise. It's an understatement to say that I'm not an handsome man. Some man publicly called me "Hey handsome!", to my face, and in front of other women. He was probably trying to impress them. At first, I had decided to ignore him...but I decided F*** it! Next time he saw me, he wanted to say something, but I looked at him like I was ready to fight him -and I was- . A few decades ago, a man who disrespected a man was challenged to a duel. No one should be able to disrespect you and get away with you. You know it happened to me when I was a kid too. Anyway...I gave him a mean look, and like the good coward he is, he caught my energy, shut up . He ignores me now. Had he tried to humiliate me again publicly... I would have publicly humiliated him too... If people think they can get away from messing with you, they will do it. I make them afraid to cross me now.

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

This is why marriage is so dangerous and why women generally push for marriage. Marriage is essentially the transfer of power, leverage and wealth to the woman. She no longer has to fear her man leaving because she has the power, weight and venom of the divorce courts in her favour. If anything, he has to now fear her.

[@CalinGilea]

Nowadays, the only consequence you can impose on your girlfriend/wife if she disrespects you is to leave. Physical abuse is completely out of the question, talking to persuade her can only do so much (women vs. logic in an argument rings a bell?) so you must have options to have any power in a relationship. This is why the majority of men become simps: because they can’t punish their girlfriend bad behavior, but she can punish them by withholding sex.

[@cosmictreason2242]

Not true in religious marriage ** if she's actually religiously convicted ** . Useless if you have a false convert on your hands

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

@@CalinGilea if you are married with kids, it is almost impossible to leave a venomous wife unless you want to receive her fury in divorce court. So many men have no idea that they have thrown away their biggest trump card by getting married.

[@caryg4638]

You don’t have to leave her physically to leave her. Women who love their men also care about their men’s opinions and admiration and love for them. If you can remove your feelings, or become disappointed with her or not respect what she is doing to you, then that would be tantamount to you physically leaving her. The problem, however, is that men are becoming such Simps that they don’t use their feelings for the woman in the negotiations, therefore, the feelings are taken for granted, literally

[@CalinGilea]

@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 This can be the case in the US. In other countries things are different.

[@endcgm9277]

If you’re gonna hiss, eventually you’re gonna have to back it up with a bite. Otherwise it’s an empty threat. I grew up a skinny pencil. Eventually, I began fighting rather than avoiding. I never won a fight. It didn’t matter. The bullies started leaving me alone.

[@elgar6743]

My experience exactly with bullies when growing up. Look them straight in the eye and not being intimidated and genuinely willing to fight if necessary. Win or lose, not being afraid to 'bite' will earn RESPECT.

[@varmastiko2908]

Indeed. "Violence is not the answer" is one of the most idiotic sayings there are. If it was true then how is the entire civilization built on violence? If you aren't capable of actually defending yourself then others will walk all over you, period. And remember too: eye for eye leaves half the world with at least one working eye.

[@JenniferJohnson-ub3gt]

​@varmastiko2908 this is why the tick toc trend of young people constantly saying why they would not join the military is so insane to me. Where do young people like these think thier safety comes from?

[@varmastiko2908]

@@JenniferJohnson-ub3gtThose tiktokers are ill informed and should not be listened to but you're not exactly seeing the big picture either if you think the military brings safety. First of all, safety is always an illusion. Second, what I speak of here is that entities including militaries will walk all over people if they aren't defending themselves. What you call 'safety' can't be outsourced. Where's your big stick for keeping the powerful in line when they have the control of those armed forces and you don't? The issue is there whether the military we speak of is foreign or domestic. It's one thing that people have given all their power away to entities like that; it's another thing that people don't even know who their enemies are. We're screwed all right, but I'm always trying to rattle the cage a little, perhaps some good little sheep will bat an eye every once in a while.

[@zuibeckpulezon4626]

You're 100% right. Same experience

[@rudeawakening3833]

Unbelievable . I NEEDED this as a teenager - I’m 63 . Not a “ pushover “ ; but got married at 18 , and became a father of two children by 22 years old . In short ; NEVER wanted to get fired at work , as my role first and foremost was to be a provider . BUT - I became a pushover de facto because I never learned the lesson taught HERE ! THEN - even became a “ simp “ in my marriage after the children grew up and moved out of the house - but that’s another story on the next OPRA Show … Long story- short version , I ended up divorced at 51 . And after I realized it was just ME ; I found my testicles and did more than hiss in my sometimes toxic job of 33 years . Everyone was “ taken aback “ as I ended up in H/R with close encounters that almost resulted in physical altercations . BAM ! Problem solved ! Thanks 🙏 for educating the “ good men “ out here where our MEEKNESS is wrongfully mistaken for WEAKNESS ! Two totally DIFFERENT THINGS ! Peace ☮️

[@exnihilonihilfit6316]

Give more detail about what happened at the job of 33 years. What problem was solved? Was it "solved" by them simply firing you?

[@rudeawakening3833]

@@exnihilonihilfit6316 Nobody fired me ; my bad if that’s what my testimony implied . What the takeaway was that I failed to get across ; AFTER I no longer had small children and a wife to have to possibly face and explain that I lost my job ( if ) I stood up for myself at work and had gotten fired … But I stood up for myself , got into altercations NOW because the chumps all expected me to take the crap that I “ used to put up with “ and now I no longer do - now , to the point of this host , my HISS 🐍 is loud and bold and I put up with NOBODY’S crap . Not men on the job ( truck drivers and loading dock workers ) OR A- hole supervisors as well . It’s just I need to be smart and have documentation showing that it was self - defense ,and that THEY started the crap , not me . All good . Two to three of those episodes - word got out . I feel like an ass that I didn’t carry myself like this YEARS AGO . But better late than never , right ?

[@EriPages]

@@exnihilonihilfit6316 No, his problem at work was solved in the sense that this colleagues stopped treating him like a pushover due to his finally asserting himself. And when they called his bluff, this guy didn't back down and nearly got into physical altercations to prove he would no longer be a pushover. So the problem of being disrespected was solved, and he continued working at his workplace with respect from then on.

[@Anamericanhomestead]

"If you keep the commandments, there will be blessings, if you don't, there will be curses" and look at our world today.

[@Snarge22]

Strength, as in having some muscle, having a strong backbone by holding your ground in disagreements, exercising authority, and holding Frame. Orion has it right in his video here.

[@justanothernick3984]

Or just the fortitude to leave if you don’t get the care/respect you need. No muscles needed, just that backbone.

[@Snarge22]

You are absolutely correct@@justanothernick3984!

[@mindpoacher4732]

Having learned this concept some time ago I can tell you it makes life sooo much easier. Once you've fully integrated this into you life/energy people will automatically intuit you're not to be messed with. For me it's one of life's essential life hacks.

[@RecreationalUseOnly]

So true. This goes for women tenfold. They won’t respect you unless they know you can always leave. Sadly, you have to make women feel dread. I wish it could be different, but these women are my name.

[@cosmictreason2242]

You can't leave in Christian marriage. The source for fear there is the displeasure of God and threat of hell - because unrepentant disobedience is proof of false faith

[@hughjanis6439]

Good one. Rec use only

[@2010gwf]

Proverbs 1:7 states “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” hmmm......

[@touchtone101]

I also add that you need to get some muscles and look like you can fight. I was scrawny but once i started to workout i noticed women told me i was intimidating and i noticed that they would act much different around me. No longer i would get teased for being too skinny but on the other hand, they kept looking at my bicepts. Even having a workout session with them and them seeing how much stronger than you are in comparisson to them will leave them in awe.

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

Legendary user name. Conclusion, do not get married. Marriage is just the transfer of leverage, power and wealth from the man to the woman.

[@BWater-yq3jx]

And 'familiarity breeds contempt.' Literally has 'family' in it.

[@rougebaba3887]

I was a miserably unhappy man in a very unhappy marriage to an emasculating, disrespectful woman. I made the mistake of pledging to never leave her, even though she treated me like shit. And, not too surprising, I kept getting shit on. Until one day when I told it was over... And just like that she started to play nice

[@GaryAJMartin]

Hah. And what happened? You stayed? Or left?

[@JenniferJohnson-ub3gt]

Reminds me of my ex-husband.

[@bearclaw5115]

She'll be back at it before long because you haven't left. Your words are hollow because they are not followed by deed.

[@28pbtkh23]

@@JenniferJohnson-ub3gt - are you confessing that you treated him like crap?

[@JenniferJohnson-ub3gt]

​@@28pbtkh23, no. That he was the same as the woman who was horrible. He was an abusive asshole. He waited until I was vulnerable and pregnant to get really nasty. Never again will I allow someone to do that to me.

[@aalvarez305]

There is so much to unpack in this short presentation. I am so grateful to have heard this, because it reinforces how much I have allowed people to disrespect me over the course of my life. However, it has been the result of not respecting myself enough. As I work to improve self-respect, I find myself tolerating less disrespect from others. In other words, super omnia dignitate.

[@elgar6743]

I was a skinny, wiry kid growing up...numerous neighborhood/school bullies 'tried' to bully me...but only once. Reason? I never backed down or acted intimidated and always fought back...I was hard rocks, and was then left alone. No parental involvement. No teacher involvement. " We are ALWAYS treated EXACTLY the way we allow others to treat us ", was what my dear Father taught us as children from a very tender age. RESPECT.

[@robmckee5295]

Looking back on my life, my biggest regret is letting others disrespect me. Great way to discuss having appropriate boundaries.

[@peripheralparadox4218]

My biggest regret is disrespecting myself.

[@brettwheeler7753]

One thing about the word "meek": it does not mean "weak". About 99% of people get this wrong. The actual definition is "controlled strength". Imagine a Navy Seal picking up his kid at Day Care. That man is easily the most dangerous in the building, but he restrains himself as the situation does not call for any force. However. Sold someone break in and attempt a robbery, that Seal would spring into fierce, immediate action and end the situation.

[@Flokoli1]

"About 99% percent of people get this wrong" Definition from where cause I looked it up and it means submissive everywhere, but I guess you're the one percent detaining the truth

[@vananon51]

Superman was humble; he was the most powerful man on earth, but kept restraint so as to not harm innocents. He was respected and feared by allies and enemies alike. Be your own Superman: powerful, strong, doesn’t tolerate disrespect, but humble with the skill to show restraint.

[@dr.mathamagic3157]

Awe is the basis for respect. Fear produces hate.

[@GenXPractitioner]

Very well said. Throughout my career, I presented myself as harmless until I couldn’t anymore. For me my “hiss” was in my relentless negotiating skills and willingness to walk away. My leverage was my track record of providing high quality performances that are nearly impossible to replicate.

[@hellmanksingh7967]

A strong, decent man with the capacity to harm when unnecessarily provoked.

[@bengaul7705]

I have long held that we "respect" the people we would have cause to fear, were they not on our side. I've caught a lot of flack for that position. Mostly from people I could never fear.

[@frekvensnord]

insanely valuable context. thank you

[@DwyaneWadeCounty]

4:48 "The power to do good has the root as the power to inflict harm" This reminds me of a quote from the Christopher Nolan's film _Batman Begins_ . "What you really fear is inside yourself. You fear your own power. You fear your anger, the drive to do great or terrible things" -Ras Al Ghul.

[@wr3nche5]

i had an ugly debate about fear and respect with a couple friends recently. they thought i was kind of a psycho, and i admit i did a bad job at explaining my thoughts on the matter, but THIS is what i was onto! THIS video explains my POV perfectly, thank you so much!! and i will also add: knowing someone fears you enough to respect you, makes you respect them as well. it's a mutual feeling, and it's present in my most precious relationship. i've gone my whole life not getting respect from my peers, but she's one of the few people that actually DOES know what i'm capable of and respect me, and i also respect her greatly for that myself.

[@hypergraphic]

This is so right on, and the root cause of most of my problems in life. It's why I was susceptible to joining a cult and spending years of my life in it. Cults most definitely work on the principle of fear, and learned helplessness, just as much as in any toxic marriage.

[@isobelyoung8591]

This is interesting i personally feel that if i have fear towards a man i dont respect him i just avoid him. If i feel safe around a man and feel as if he could protect me if need be then i respect him

[@nick281972]

Depends on how evolved the other person is, if the other is evolved then the only requirement for respect is love and fear is just an element, but if the other is not evoled then fear is definitely the foundation required for respect.

[@msfubby9372]

True

[@Marcus-gw4bb]

I totally agree with your statement. Although, if I may, I think the more accurate word is reasonable. When you are engaged in any form of conflict with another person, a solution can only be achieved if both parties are being respectful and reasonable. Similarly, in an argument, you will never be able to come to an agreement with a completely uncompromising and unreasonable person.

[@dztronic1616]

exactly

[@crazymonkeyVII]

I think I've experienced this!!! I was once playing poker with a few friends. I folded on the River (last card of the round), and a friend asked me to show my hand. I refused, after which he turned my cards anyway without my permission. My adrenaline was racing and I felt my cheeks turn pale. I said in a low, soft voice that had that slight anger shake in it: "{friend's name}, if you ever do that again, I will never play with you again." I can still remember the tension in the room shooting up, and it being quiet for a moment. We carried on and after a few moments diffused the tension, but I can definitely remember that sensation of power in that moment. It was more effective than any shouting or fighting would've been. Nobody messed with my cards after that, and everyone was respectful! It felt great tbh. I've had it a few other times as well, but this was the first example that came to mind.

[@fwungy4285]

I've heard the snake story before. Love it.

[@pakal494]

Thanks!

[@ericclayton9080]

Shid, this explains so much. I try to explain to people this concept that when I learned to hiss ( I didnt have the terminology) that people stopped disrespecting me. However some people are scared of themselves because they are like the Snake they bite to kill and they only save that for people who push them past their threshold. Which is correct but like you said if people are angry in life they pick a "safe" target a needy doormat that will do anything to be "liked" even take emotional, self worth, self esteem attacks that are vicious and uncalled for. Just to stay around... Very good content.. Tip Jar time.

[@zoec.johnson1348]

He is COOKING! Protect this Man!

[@renevegagarcia244]

What a brilliant way to present the topic, it is exactly like that, for that reason Machiavelli said that it is better to be feared than to be loved. Fear is a feeling that can be controlled, but love is uncontrollable.

[@DenrickFurlonge1587]

Thanks. I love the content

[@obits3]

_”Aslan is a lion- the Lion, the great Lion." "Ooh" said Susan. "I'd thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion"..."Safe?" said Mr Beaver ..."Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you.”_ ― C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

[@Peoplecanfly1]

Goosebumps

[@karolykoteles1964]

Köszönjük!

[@yeboscrebo4451]

I can tell your wisdom comes from a life of experience. I appreciate it, thx

[@hemiltongrace6699]

He is a psychologist....it comes from EXPERIENCE OF LISTENING TO PATIENTS

[@mynametrong5508]

@@hemiltongrace6699he has also been with many awful women considering he lives in the U.S. That will teach a man many life lessons.

[@yeboscrebo4451]

@@hemiltongrace6699real understanding doesn’t come through listening - it’s not enough. True understanding and wisdom comes only through personal experience.

[@patrickmarr7076]

it's probably worth mentioning that this principle mostly applies to relationships of apparent equality... where competition is a factor. Most people don't have a competitive relationship with grandma, because she isn't a threat to anything you are trying to claim for yourself. So, being treated kindly doesn't imply the kind of respect we're talking about here. Granny respect is offered because you value what she's done and who she is. Respect for your contemporaries is actually respect for boundaries.... which only happens when your declared boundaries are accompanied by a clearly visible defense system.

[@olisk-jy9rz]

Not really. Grandams often look down and disrespect, openly or not, children/nieces they perceive as weak, dumb, or pushovers.

[@lindaaquarium1236]

Absolutely right ✅️ Without fear, the majority of people become bullies .

[@j.f.almeida9081]

"Better to be feared than to be loved if one cannot be both" Niccolo Machiavelli

[@thenattygorilla]

As a man, this is a lesson I learned too late... This advice is gold to young men.

[@thedevilsadvocate3710]

Doc, your reteachings of the wisdoms of the ancients is a gift to modern times. Thank you!!!

[@sharadtiwari1465]

As a Hindu, we have saying - क्षमा शोभते उस भुजंग को, जिसके पास गरल हो! The Forgiveness only adorns the Serpent which have Venom! Gandhi misunderstood concept of Ahimsa i.e Non-Violence and became completely Pacifist, costing us a lot!

[@MrAbhix7]

True indeed!

[@Addieman]

Very true

[@Lyuktheduke]

I think while fear is a good motivator, used to make sure people will think twice about hurting or disrespecting you, love is the better half. If we all loved, we would all have respect for each other. However, those that don't love you, will only answer to the other motivator.

[@elainer8288]

Fantastic comment. Exactly.

[@Bismarck666]

Love is the path in an ideal world.😢 however, we do not live in an ideal world and sometimes strength and violence are the only language some people understand and respect.

[@enl8ghtenmenttv476]

Think this is too much make believe here...idk what kinda pink pill or whatever that is,its simply not working...unity is achieved in duality, duality is achieved in unity...the stride u make makes an imaginary straight line, but the actual footsteps are always slightly off center of the line= sin wave...u must have 2 sides 2 be it 1 coin

[@johntim3491]

No Doc. People respect their Elders, Children Disabled etc ... despite having nothing to Fear from these people. Thats because People actually respect certain Qualities, Customs and Values. I may Fear someone's temporary ability to hurt me in the ways you suggest ... that DOESNT mean I respect THEM ... indeed they have no respect for themselves or anyone if their power is exercised arbitrarily (not supported by good reasons, values etc.). If it was genuine respect for the person we wouldnt walk away calling them an assh*le...or sometimes looking forward to turning the tables onto them as soon as the opportunity presents. True respect would mean we're actually willing to cut people some slack because of their qualities or values that we also agreed with or understood. Fear is not Respect...its just Fear. Why has Fear got to become something else? Lots of people with low self-esteem confuse the two already ... it's a vicious reinforcing cycle.... the mistake that Egos make in trying to earn Self-Respect by attempting to control the environment and people around them....instead of controlling themselves. Ask any despot in history.

[@elainer8288]

@@johntim3491 I think he means another kind of respect. He means the attitude of not doing something bad against someone. Of course real respect is based on love, not fear. He just meant something else.

[@ukaszferenc5249]

This is much needed in modern day era. Explorinng masculinity is a goldmine. I had no father figure so I explore this now through interactions and videos like this. Feminine ways of operating have taken too much attention. I love your work.

[@shanesutton336]

This actually makes a lot of sense. It’s what I like about your channel. You are very very good at taking the things we understand from our subconscious, and making us aware of it consciously and how we interact with that. Thank you.

[@patrickmarr7076]

great choice of words, shanesutton336. There is a concept in sales called "conscious competence" which speaks of a point in the salesman's learning curve at which he is no longer blundering his way through the sales presentation, and he actually understands what it takes to get the order. The starting point in the learning curve is "conscious incompetence", which means he knows nothing, and he realizes it. The intermediate stage is "unconscious competence", which is when he's got it partly figured out, but his results aren't consistent yet. Transfer the same logic to dating, and most men weigh in somewhere between conscious incompetence and unconscious competence. Channels like this one are making more men consciously competent.

[@mahendra4352]

This is true. I learn this the hard way. All this time, I always do what is "right", no matter what other people do. I was wrong. All the so-called "values" won't make people respect you in return.

[@jim-se5xc]

One can never be too careful in the choice of ones enemies. Oscar Wilde

[@BobbyIrwinCOS]

Thanks! This is great material- and well delivered. What a great way to start the New Year!

[@pickingupthepiecesofme]

I'm a woman and i feel this applies to me greatly. I was married to an emotionally abusive narcissist for 10years. Definitely learnt i need to sharpen my hiss, and have a potential bite or big stick. I have been way too agreeable. Lost half my hair in the process! Thanks fir this vid!

[@danrowe79]

Great post. Thanks. Explains a lot about disfunctional families - as you alluded to: not everyone in a family views this similarly, and that's how long-lasting feuds are created. Keep up the good work!

[@per_growth]

The problem with this is that sooner or later, people will choose to leave/avoid altogether the person that makes them fearful. I grew up with a very strict dad - he loved us for sure - he worked 7 days a week to provide for the family, and he really built a very successful business because of this - but whenever we are around him, our anxiety levels just went thru the roof. In our culture - it was EXPECTED that you took over the family business when you are of age - but because of his "fear me so you resepct me" approach, our relationship with him was very unhealthy - we respected him, feared him, but we also hated him (or at least hated the way he made us feel about ourselves) - eventually, NONE of his kids ended up working for him. And it was only when we stopped working for him - did our relationship really improve (now we want to see him for dinners, coffee, overseas travel, etc).

[@joeygonzalez4970]

maybe fear is a really strong word for what should be presented. Maybe "Authority" is a better word and is different from fear. Authority does show competence and can lead to respect. I respect my boss and my professors who have authority when they are teaching me some material. I do not fear them but I do respect them. I agree if disrespect is rampant something has to change but the idea of fear is a bit too extreme, especially if you are trying to apply it to loved ones. Glad to see your relationship improved, god bless.

[@per_growth]

@@beowulf_of_wall_st the title itself is clear. FEAR is the basis of respect. And we were afraid.

[@mynametrong5508]

⁠@@per_growthyea you definitely got it wrong and pcap got it right. Your dad terrorized you and this is not what the video is about. Orion is simply saying do not allow mistreatment from others and retaliate if necessary.

[@per_growth]

@@mynametrong5508 I guess there are just different interpretations for the video. When I saw the clip, that was how I interpreted it. Fear was what was used on us to gain respect.

[@joeygonzalez4970]

@salvatoresanjuan8140 That is also the interpretation I got from the title of the video. Although watching it it seems less about fear itself and more about establishing some dominance, some "backbone" as other people call it which sounds reasonable. although what good is backbone from hissing if you cannot bite? If I see a lion I am not scared that it roars at me if roaring or hissing is all it does, I am terrified when it chooses to charge me and inevitably eats me. Now in that scenario if I were to take my dad and he used violence to discipline me would I fear him? Yeah I would. Would I respect him? To be honest on a technical level yeah in the sense I would listen to him when he tells me what to do as many other people would. If I feared my dad in that scenario I would respect him and be obedient, but would I love him? Would I care about his well being when he is no longer in a position to instill that fear? Would I be willing to risk death for him in any way? Possibly but the probability is really low and it shouldn't be a surprise if avoidance is the outcome of trying to force love from fear. Maybe the fear should be saved for those who deserve it (because whether we like it or not lions and other scary stuff exists so we as a people should learn to bite and not just hiss) and love for those who need it. TLDR: Fear will get you respect, but probably not love from those you care about, don't be surprised people leave for good. Adjust fear and love accordingly and maybe thats the key.

[@SKBottom]

Outstanding episode. Very informative. Thank you, Orion.

[@griffinwagner8577]

Thanks for all the advice, it has been much needed in my life

[@MatrixGuitar]

The maxim “An armed society is a polite society” comes to mind.

[@swanee22]

Robert A. Heinlein

[@cosmictreason2242]

Fear- not of harm but of causing displeasure to the object. If she isn't afraid of you being unhappy with her, she doesn't respect you and doesn't love you

[@unlockyourstarz]

This is a very interesting video that makes a lot of sense when dealing with others who are "intuitive" enough to identify what the "big stick" is and who holds it. However, I wonder how well this concept works on others who aren't intuitive enough to pick up on the "nuances" of others' "big stick"? I suppose they are the ones who get the worst consequences.

[@mbg9650]

Ignore the "stick" at your own peril.

[@DBD120]

The issue is that such behavior as "hissing" has never been pushed for, at least in my up-bringing. I was taught to be humble, kind, and "to turn the the other cheek." You shouldn't seek revenge, but I saw others act on their desire to be vengeful and I would think, "Surely, they will find nothing good in it." However, what if they did? What if their is at least some satisfaction to revenge as opposed to the bitterness that seems to come with trying to "let it go." Or, perhaps I am failing to see it from the right perspective. Regardless, the input is useful. And to add to it, here's a little anecdote: My Aunt started living in my apartment about two years ago; she always claimed to love and respect me deeply. However, consistently, she would eat the food that I cooked and prepared for myself and several times I asked her in a calm and meek manner to not eat my food. About 1 year into her move-in, and she was still eating my food. Eventually, I broke my foot and was forced to walk around on crutches. One day, I prepared a meal, a simple one as it was struggle to do anything on one leg and my aunt never seemed interested in helping me. I told her before I even made the food, "Do not eat my food." She did... And when I stormed into her room furious and screaming, she laughed at me and told her friend on the phone that her "kid" was having a "tantrum." An hour later, she came into my room and apologized, WHILE SNICKERING! I told her to get the fuck out. Turns out she was drunk, but to this day I have never let that moment go and its been about a year now. One flaw that I am noticing now is my failure to really think critically about these values.

[@Bobby-hn3cu]

She still eating your food or not?😂

[@DBD120]

@@Bobby-hn3cu No.

[@marktapley7571]

Women would normally not have much power over their husband until the marriage contract puts the lion’s paw of the state in the woman’s favor. Men need to be very careful about marriage.

[@joygibbons5482]

Which is why your chance of reversing those changes is very small. One we are accustomed to having any power we won’t give it up easily.

[@MsSomeonenew]

This is the way we all learn respect, especially from parents who enforce obedience through fear. But I would mainly call it "fear of consequence". True respect is born of understanding, when you have full power to inflict harm on someone but don't because you simply understand what kind of pain you might be inflicting. And polite society has a huge lack of real respect, people just behave nice because of fear. The moment that fear is lifted we quickly get the most vicious/conniving outbursts from people you would never expect, this is probably the whole underbelly of cancel culture.

[@arturobandini792]

There’s people that inspire fear based on their genetic makeup. If a puppy tries to make you afraid it’s going to make you laugh most likely. You want to build confidence and stick up for yourself but hinting at being dangerous and capable of violence is not accessible to all men.

[@MikhailKrilov]

Oh man, I ran into this in the workplace in the past, and Jiu Jitsu was one of my saving Graces (thanks to my friends encouraging training! It teaches you more self assertion, necessary confrontation and boundary setting, which is a form of aggression used in a health way to assert ones own boundaries. As long as you do not become a Machiavellian! Or abusive!! Great content Orion! Thanks! Also no one messes with my friends who have coli-flour ear, strong eye contact (not blinking constantly or looking away in a conversation) and a strong posture!

[@j.f.almeida9081]

Join jiu jitsu and Muya Thai classes is one of my goals.

[@nicknelsen6897]

Would love to hear a conversation between you and Jordan Peterson

[@elainer8288]

Me too!

[@senorfrog5605]

So true. This is why fathers are so needed. To put the fear of god in kids. I remember as a kid I stayed with my uncles family. Me and my cousins would cause a ruckus at bedtime. Our grandmother would try to get us to quiet down and go to bed. My aunt would too. Sometimes even hitting us (deservedly. We could be monsters). But we never listened. It would take my uncle saying something for us to quiet down. We would. Immediately. He never raised his hand at us. Not even his voice. We just knew better. And our response was immediate. Respect.

[@sergeykovalev1195]

Switzerland did not stay safe because they control the money. Switzerland has an army of over 100K people on active duty at any given time plus over a million in reserve. That's a very strong army for a country of this size.

[@k3V2181]

Keep telling yourself that. numbers doesn’t mean strength. You can have a million soldiers, if they have no real experience they are useless.

[@jakesdekker7503]

I became exactly the snake in the second part during my divorce. My lawyer’s advice was to “not show any aggression or emotion” during discovery. I was strictly instructed to NOT talk back and be as amicable as possible. So I followed her advice to my own demise. The ex’s lawyer steamed right over me and I was not allowed to stand my ground. Please tell me the Karma bus is real and coming…

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

Same thing happened to me. My lawyer through me under the bus. She didn't push my wife to disclose but told me to disclose everything. The judge was unfair and she didn't punish my wife for non-disclosure. I lost 70% of all my assets. Please tell me Karma is real.

[@jakesdekker7503]

@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 exactly the same happened with me - my lawyer also did not ask for anything to be disclosed by my ex. She had the audacity and gall to tell the judge she was living in squalor, while she traded me in for a dentist with a sailboat. I know Jesus saw and heard everything…

[@Tushar_Talwar_09]

​@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 Mistake no.1 : Hiring a female lawyer.

[@anacap007]

While I agree with most of your analysis, I tend to create a divide between fear and respect. This might be somewhat of a strawman but Fear can be mistaken as Respect. I think respect comes from having clear and established boundaries and that there will be consequences if they are crossed. It's this understanding that there are consequences that bring about Respect, not fear. It's no different than understanding the laws of Nature like gravity. No one fears gravity, per se. But to your point, having Power is really the basis of Respect and Fear. Establishing boundaries and backing it up with action is the basis for both. Dysfunctional relationships tend to stem from a lack of not backing up your words. In other words, you are all bark and no bite. You have to establish very early on in a relationship that you never bluff and also expect that to be tested.

[@cosmictreason2242]

Go back to your third sentence. The avoidance of that undesirable consequence IS FEAR. Fear is an avoidance response to pain or discomfort. The thing that determines whether it's simple fear or fear from respect is what the consequence is. If the man is a physical danger, that's fear not respect. If obtaining a lower estimation in his eyes will damage your future opportunities and you are afraid of displeasing him, that's respect. Simple dichotomy, don't look for exceptions but look at the main idea

[@EwaldDieser]

Agree!

[@historiesmade]

The problem today in America is that the law is making men more weak and women more powerful. Most men in the US are becoming simps in their family due to the consequences that may follow their actions.

[@bennywright12]

I've often pondered the relationship between fear and respect, especially as a business owner managing numerous staff. In my view, pure fear is detrimental, stemming primarily from unpredictability. This creates a situation where people are unsure how to prevent negative outcomes, much like avoiding a bite in a metaphorical sense. Respect, on the other hand, emerges from an understanding that while there's potential for a 'bite', there's also clear knowledge on how to avoid it. This could be described as 'predictable aggression'. If staff or loved ones are uncertain about how to steer clear of your anger, it veers towards tyranny. However, if you're known to be strict yet equitable, that's where respect is cultivated.

[@alwaysgreatusa223]

Oh, how foolish it is to think fear creates real respect. What fear actually creates is only the illusion of respect, because what someone actually fears is something they privately disdain. Real respect is something that comes not from fear, but rather from admiration and character. Of course, you shouldn't try to get others to admire you in order to gain their respect -- that will backfire. Instead, you should build a character that people will naturally gravitate towards and respect. Of course, I am not saying fear is not important. It is necessary for some people to fear you, because these people are not capable of giving anyone real respect, and so their whole understanding of human relations is fear-based. Yes, they live in fear, and so they only respect power. Notice, they don't respect the person, however, only his power -- for once that person loses his power, he will lose their 'respect'. Which shows they never really respected the man himself -- only his power. Real respect is character based, for once you build a strong character that has integrity and doesn't put up with bullshit, those good people who are capable of real respect will naturally admire you. As for those others who live in fear and only worship power, they will fear your strength and integrity, but never mistake this for real respect -- because privately they are haters, jealous of your goodness and integrity, and so, as a way of compensating for their own lack of character, privately disdain you.

[@SC-gw8np]

You’re absolutely right.

[@nammi895]

You really need to think deep to understand such videos. U r simply not ready yet to understand how deep & true this video is

[@alwaysgreatusa223]

@@nammi895 Your brain is deep in shit

[@alwaysgreatusa223]

@@nammi895 Your brain is deep in shit

[@alwaysgreatusa223]

@@nammi895 Your mind is in a deep state of brain damage.

[@lellyflawless]

I listen to hours of your material and this fact have escaped me completely. Even after living a very agressive and brutal environment. Thank

[@pierrechildress8875]

This advice, right here, is the root of many evils. If you are a young person, please understand that this is a childish interpretation of what respect (in all it's many forms) is. Fear is NOT a long term viable method for earning respect. Long term respect stems from humility, understanding, and personal growth. Humility is being humble. It is an act of contrition. You must accept that you don't know everything, and are open and willing to learn from other people - from their triumphs, and most importantly, their mistakes. You listen to their stories and share your own. This communication is a way to bond, but you must be willing to LISTEN. You need patience to do this, as many other people don't know how to do this well, and may 'run over' your opinions - leaving you FEELING disrespected. But this is just a feeling, and probably not the reality. This brings us to understanding. As you get older you will more effectively understand why some people are incapable of being humble and communicating w you in a 'respectful' manner. Maybe they're afraid. Maybe no one's listened to them before. Maybe they're overcompensating for some pain in their past. But you won't know unless you humble yourself and listen. In the process of listening, you may learn some things about yourself and your past. This learning curve is also the basis for the next key to a mature 'earning' of respect: personal growth. As you learn about others and yourself in the course of humbly listening, sharing, and reflecting - you will come to some logical conclusions about what you want in your life. About what types of people and circumstances you can accept, and things you won't accept. HONOR your well earned conclusions, and don't accept people in your life who won't respect those conclusions or boundaries. Set those boundaries and stick w them. People will respect them, and you, because you are firm in your opinion. They know you will slowly remove them from your circle if they violate your boundaries. This isn't fear on their part (you aren't attacking), this is genuine respect and admiration of the confidence you will exude as a byproduct of your humility, understanding, and personal growth. It's a journey, but worth the effort. This long-term form of repect evolves from genuine affection, and definitely NOT fear. There's no need for 'hissing' when you live your hard-learned truths. Your actions will speak for themselves, and you will have the respect you've earned.

[@andersnielsen6044]

Spot-on!

[@alvinkatojr]

Your long comment confirms that you clearly didn't watch the video. What a shame.

[@theprogen2003]

Most people are not scared of gravity, but they respect it. When on a mountain they will enjoy the view from a safe distance from the edge of a cliff, but they don’t test that boundary. Respect is the ability to do harm, but with clear boundaries. Fear creates anxiety because people don’t know where the boundary is. A person waving a gun around on a street corner elicits fear, but not respect.

[@Krobolis]

Fear is a method for control not respect. You don't respect someone who does outstanding work out of fear. You dont respect a righteous person(not self-righteous) out of fear, you respect them for living their moral and ethical beliefs. You dont respect a gangleader because they are violent you fear them. You dont respect a seriel killer,you fear them. Respect is earned through a persons actions. Not by their domination. Women have violent boyfriends/husbands they fear BUT they still cheat... They may be scared of them but they don't respect them. Children fear their parents, but they still lie to them,sneak out,and do many thing they will get punished or spanked or worse for. Their are men/women that respect their spouse and those relationships are not built on fear.(Does not mean they dont disagree or have arguements). Same with the children that repect their parents, even ones with parents who punish or spank them,not out of fear but out of the knowledge they did something wrong,let themselves down and disrepected their parent(s) If you need people to fear you in some shape or form to get hollow respect shown to you (act like they respect you to your face) then you are a weak,shallow bully and not a person deserving of thier or anyones respect.

[@arisjelilai538]

Fear it's only the basis of respect towards evil, but real respect comes out of love!!!! I repeat, respect comes out of love!!!! Respect is a byproduct of LOVE!

[@andersnielsen6044]

Fully agree..

[@KC-dr4qz]

Love doesnt work with evil people. Only fear keeps them in line. Criminals on the street who look dangerous are the least to be attacked by criminals

[@BWater-yq3jx]

Takeaway: Fear does not guarantee respect, but is a pre-requisite. And have a big stick. 😳

[@hemiltongrace6699]

No. It's not a PREREQUISITE

[@PowerEnrichment]

Thanks

[@alwaysgreatusa223]

Bite only those who deserve to be bitten, do not like an animal bite simply out of fear, nor like a brute simply because you desire to be respected. Fear and Respect are not the same -- the first is a negative emotion that could never truly lead to the positive emotion of respect. See my other comment below.

[@oladeleoyelakin882]

Dude you are approaching stuff from unknown angles! You deserve a Nobel Prize! 🎉

[@chrisstone2506]

Please note: hissing only applies to people worthy of respect that just aren’t enforcing boundaries. If you are unpleasant, have a chip on your shoulder, lazy, boring, angry, dishonest, etc you aren’t being disrespected, you are getting appropriate results.

[@matheuspc2806]

Valeu!

[@terry9238]

A respect based on FEAR? So that’s the kind of respect you think we should give each other? (Or the kind of respect women should give men-since you don’t even think respect should be a two-way street?) NO THANKS-that’s NOT the kind of society most people want! And it’s the kind of society that “civilization” is supposed to help us outgrow.

[@SC-gw8np]

Look around you, civilisation is in shambles. The kind of respect you speak of can exist between evolved and truly civilised peoples, not the kind of animalistic-base desire driven people we have around us now.

[@KC-lg8qf]

As always....one of the best channels on this platform. Thank you Dr.

[@marcbritton4817]

Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear. -Albert Camus

[@davidkinrade5611]

Thanks

[@mulllhausen]

Tbh I don't respect people who I fear. I respect people who respect themselves and establish boundaries. When people fear others it breeds resentment and makes them keep an eye out for an opportunity for revenge.

[@FreeWiLLVibin]

If you didn't have respect, you couldn't have fear

[@mulllhausen]

@@FreeWiLLVibin of course you can fear someone you don't respect. Eg. nobody respects someone who commits a hate crime, but they sure fear being in the firing line.

[@FreeWiLLVibin]

@@mulllhausen that's not fear of a person. That's fear of death. Fear of pain. Fear of a bullet. A lot of people fear the power of "people who respect themselves and establish boundaries. "

[@besttimes8169]

I'm getting addicted to your content, good doctor. This man delivers value beyond measure! This particular video is deep!

[@adamrandall5163]

I disagree, fear does not get you discretional effort which is what real leaders are able to extract. It breeds disloyalty and people will follow you until your back is turned. I think of all the people I have followed over the years and none of them had me feeling fearful. they do however tend to reinforce their words with actions.

[@thinkforyourselfjohn3167]

Great parable thank you for sharing with us how true.

[@dw4956]

You just killed wokeness and gen Z in 8minutes and 11seconds.

[@Buzzy-bm6bv]

Eloquently and precisely presented. Wonderful. Wouldn’t have know enough to express it as well, but always understood, and lived by, its message. No regrets

[@worndown8280]

What you are describing isnt respect. Admiration is the bases of respect. Fear is just fear. Power is power. Abuse is just abuse. We choose what we accept and what we dont.