Fearful Avoidant: Deactivating or Moving On?

[@AustinRoberts88]

I'm always scared to watch these videos but I never walk away without learning something and being encouraged ❤️

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

getting out of our comfort zone is how we grow! So happy you are learning and encouraged to take positive steps - PDS Team mamber

[@yveqeshy]

Right? Feels very real when you realize it's you being referenced but it's important for growth

[@joannemcclelland5271]

Same same same.

[@belzy02belindah28]

As an FA we flee the scene when we feel in emotional danger and overwhelm. Also if I find something out about the person I run for the hills to safety until I feel grounded again. Sometimes the “dangers” turn out not to be true either so can sabotage connections. 😞

[@dudleylandsberg1747]

I used to be secure. But I'm slowly becoming an avoidant. Due to my experiences with avoidants. Sad.

[@niccolom4556]

​@@dudleylandsberg1747avoidants can be spotted at the beginning though with how they show up and how they navigate conflict with you. You can ask questions about situations to gauge how they are before u get in too deep.

[@daniellelaurino9540]

This is the kind of things that should be taught in school. Along with her communication class... Thais is combining all kind of content to make you a better human being overall. This is the thing that can make changes in humanity to be able to move to the next level. I am extremely blessed to be able to learn any part of her plethora of knowledge. Thank you so much for making such a big impact.

[@andreatorluemke4982]

Yes wise one❤❤❤

[@ConfidencePT]

I said this just the other day. It would help so many people have healthier relationships.

[@danielknott7447]

This is me 100%, I would argue with my ex when she said i was avoidant or she needed time with me, she also struggled to be more direct in asking for her needs met. we would fight and i would blame her or say anything to not feel pressure. I would even ask her to leave. As soon as she got up to leave my inner child was like "PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME" But i wouldn't say that until after she left and i would have to ask her to come back. It must have been awful for her, I always knew i struggled to trust people. in therapy i even said what if i give me all to someone and it fails, what if they leave me? It was like i was always on the look out for reasons that my ex didn't love me. I knew i used to almost test people and be manipulative because i felt i couldn't be honest. when things were going really good and i felt connected it's like my brain says " time to mess this up" It's like i can only love people from afar.

[@lexie02jones25]

Exactly! especially the test party and time to mess this up again. Lord help me

[@ravishingtwinkle3811]

I am fa at times but i still want to know why mess up , like the need to mess up instead of seeking clarity as isn't it you want a peaceful relationship ?

[@lizp238]

@@ravishingtwinkle3811 it’s the idea that we will ultimately be abandoned so we might as well end it ourselves. For example: belief: relationships end anyway… so we push for the end to test if it will actually happen, which will make it actually happen and it keeps us locked into our belief of ..: connection =pain

[@sadiqua7]

@@lizp238I can’t tell if my FA ex deactivated or just wanted to move on anymore. The turn was in April when he realized he forgot my birthday. He came by out of the blue to bring me lunch to my home, I thought it was so sweet, he even a called and he normally only texts. Then he saw my birthday cards said oh, I forgot. I just shrugged and he left and didn’t contact me for 2 weeks. I was fed up and text him that I can’t deal with this behavior any longer. He said he has love for me but can’t give me what I need. I was heartbroken but said ok. The next day he text me to talk. I was relieved but he never came over or called, saying he fell asleep AND his phone died. Oh kk. A couple days later I asked so, do you still want to talk? He said yeah, again that never happened. A week later he came by and we ended up just watching a movie and going to bed. The next day I said let’s meet at the park we had a date in on the weekend. Day came and went. Next day he apologized with a flimsy excuse. Maybe 2 weeks later he sends a text saying I deserve better and he has to fix himself, he keeps hurting people. Ghosted for 2 weeks again. I reached out with a text and said I know he probably doesn’t want to speak to me but I have to tell you something… it was a personal thing. He responded immediately saying he didn’t want to keep hurting me and that I deserve a family. I told him he wasn’t hurting me, but the silence was, I’m open to talking to come to a middle ground. Nothing. A few days later I sent a message and we ended up texting all day even when he was working, he said he had been in my area and even in my building that day, I just have felt him. A few days later I text him I missed him and each time I tried to walk he convinced me to stay, why can’t I get the same now? Dude hasn’t responded since. It’s been maybe 2 weeks again. I refuse to reach out again. I know a simple face to face would solve everything but he’s a runner. I’m lost.

[@goldy140]

My FA bf did the same few times, but come back within 1 month when I move on with Nc. Until December he was crazily longing to chat, reconnect , but both were so afraid to text 1st. So we couldnt . This time he jumped into a rebound in December impulsively misunderstanding a word I shared on social media , assuming I rejected , gaveup on him , when we were so happy , deeply in love , when he came back wit regret after a breakup . This time its 5 months for his test/ deactivation , he is still with the rebound . But when I went NC in February , he started missing me badky & reached out indirectly tru his friends in March & then in April came to see me to an event where I am. He is still afraid I will leave him, trying to stop it , he still cant bear when I do NC & stay away from all my A/Cs + WA or leave his presense if he comes to see me. But still he wont msg me / chat since December . Anyone know Y is that? When I msg he Puts a 👍 or shows he read all putting 2 blue ticks in WA , to prevent me from getting hurt. He doesnt like to hurt me.. ❤️‍🩹 will his rebound fail? Will he come back to me bcos still he cannot put me out of his mind , giveup on me or forget me? Pls FA's tell me...

[@eline4382]

Differences between deactivating/testing and actually moving on when breaking up. 1. Moving on: no activating strategies, final and stay away longer. Vs. Deactivating /testing: deactivating and activating strategies combined. 2. Moving on: prior context and shift in pattern for over a longer period of time (weeks/months); calling less, withdrawing more, etc. 3. Deactivating/Testing: when pulling away saying how they feel and expressing unmet needs "you don't support me anyway, and I'm never doing things right for you anyway" Vs. Moving on: just saying "I'm leaving the relationship" and not expressing feelings/needs. 4. Deactivating: Ongoing period of expressing distrust or fear the past week or month. But not knowing how to express their needs, so emotions come out as a volcano

[@howtosober]

RE: DA vs. FA deactivation (IMO deactivation eventually leads to falling out of love): In my experience, DAs deactivate any time there's a conflict where they're not getting their way or over an issue brought up by the other person. When this happens enough, the DA deactivates hundreds of little times on a daily basis until their partner can't take it anymore and leaves, or the DA just lives in their narrative about the relationship instead of checking in to the reality and deactivates themselves right out the door. On the other hand, FAs usually lean in to their anxious side with a DA and activate over and over trying to fix the relationship until they're fed up with continually being disregarded. Then they deactivate with a hard shutdown and decide that they're done putting any work into this relationship until the DA proves themselves by making up for all the one-sidedness the FA feels. If the DA doesn't take that cue to pick up the slack and restore balance, the FA is done forever. Even if they stay, (like for the kids) they're pretty much checked out of the relationship for good.

[@hmanfilms]

Thank you for sharing these notes. But they are chaotic and hard to read 😅😂

[@chisomoffor6877]

I still don’t understand this I’m sorry , but thanks for trying

[@Revolution-tl5wo]

I am so happy to finally be learning about avoidant personality types so I can never waste another minute with one again. I'm absolutely done being in relationships where I don't get my needs met and have to leave myself out in the cold to keep a person around. So done, in fact, that I don't even see the value of "working on it" with a DA or FA if it means having to suffer another second of dismissal through their process or once again do all the emotional labor in a relationship.

[@jamiekickaholeinthesky9513]

I feel your pain

[@Seashellsbytheseashore21]

This is sad to hear. I get your perspective, but the avoidants want to be loved, we are just afraid.

[@kathrincoulter3447]

I could not agree more! When I hear a DA or a FA say "we want to be loved" it makes me upset. For them to assume the victim role while destroying someone's soul by leaving them in the cold and rejecting their love over and over just makes me sick. To me the Avoidant is worse than a narcissistic person. Their process and behavior are abusive.

[@missblondie7033]

I think there is a lot of pain on both sides when i read the comments here 🙁. I hope people will understand that not every person with an avoidant style are exactly the same and they can heal to a more secure style.....i did.

[@rebecca_stone]

In my darker moments, I do empathise with the OP of this thread. However. People aren't this black and white. There is a way of remaining true to yourself and inquiring about them genuinely, showing that you are willing to hold a safe space. This will probably be a stretch for some of your own skills too and a good opportunity to grow. But of course, once it stops being a win-win, and you're going to be rebuffed no matter how skillfully you approach them, then yes, best to end it. Writing this from real-time experience...as a (newly aware) AP who now recognises that I was so caught up in my own terrors and needs that I didn't consider my partner's until the volcano Thais is talking about erupted. I didn't have access to this info before now, so am going to try at least.

[@mer-ced-es]

You are not only highly intelligent but also soooo likeable. Rare combination 💐❤️

[@MeghanDonnellyIPY]

Yes!

[@howtosober]

RE: DA vs. FA deactivation (IMO deactivation eventually leads to falling out of love): In my experience, DAs deactivate any time there's a conflict where they're not getting their way or over an issue brought up by the other person. When this happens enough, the DA deactivates hundreds of little times on a daily basis until their partner can't take it anymore and leaves, or the DA just lives in their narrative about the relationship instead of checking in to the reality and deactivates themselves right out the door. On the other hand, FAs usually lean in to their anxious side with a DA and activate over and over trying to fix the relationship until they're fed up with continually being disregarded. Then they deactivate with a hard shutdown and decide that they're done putting any work into this relationship until the DA proves themselves by making up for all the one-sidedness the FA feels. If the DA doesn't take that cue to pick up the slack and restore balance, the FA is done forever. Even if they stay, (like for the kids) they're pretty much checked out of the relationship for good.

[@ellien875]

FA here. All so true. literally have discarded my DA. Blocked him and it is what you mention. It’s the forever type of feeling and I don’t go back from there unless he proofs himself and by now, I hope he doesn’t need to proof himself bc I am done & don’t want to try anymore

[@missblondie7033]

FA here leaning alot to secure but Yes i agree 💯... great analysis btw 👍 . I understand at rational level where a DA is coming from but especially in conflict it drains me from energy so i just had to let my friend go because it felt so onesided at one point 😢 What you describe about leaning anxious side with an DA as an FA just sound so true to me as well.

[@hirsch4650]

yeah happened to me too...my fa ex had a hard shutdown. But im not an DA im a anxious attached. In my opinion it was very suddenly... yeah we had some problems, but because my ex didnt talked about her feelings about the problems and so one, i didnt thought they would threaten her so hard. For me they were only little arguments and discussions. So the breakup hit me like a bus...haha it . The reaction of my ex to all of this seemed excessive to me. Now we are in no contact for almost 3 month haha

[@kausha7135]

Can only speak for myself, but ime as an FA, this rings true. Once truly deactivated, it's for good. I just get to the point where I have no more care in me. I had a highly DA ex who didn't even take "I'm going to break up with you if this doesn't change" as a call to action. A month later, I was emotionally done. Another month after that, I was officially done. I became so enmeshed in the relationship in my attempts to overcome his DA tendencies, that it triggered my avoidant tendencies like my need for space and individuality. That and I was just emotionally exhausted.

[@anna-sophiedrexler5254]

​@@hirsch4650exactly the same situation I'm in atm but NC 1 month, but I will break it tomorrow because he has to give me money and other stuff back, so I have to contact him to ask how he will deal with this issue. Expecting a cold reaction😊

[@pauldebruyn5616]

I have watched many of your videos recently. They are so so spot on. Thanks. My FA partner (I am male - my partner is female) announced 6 days ago that she needed 'no contact' for weeks, then a couple of months and later she said 4 months. This is the fourth time that she has disappeared. For better or worse I am honouring her wishes - I am not texting, phoning or emailing at all. But it hurts. She stated that the biggest reason was that 'I deserved a proper girlfriend' and that 'she didn't love me like I love her'. In fact she stated that she no longer felt physically attracted to me. Your videos have given me an understanding of whats going on (I am a secure attachment style) but it still hurts, and I'm not sure that I'm doing the right thing. Enough of my story - keep making the awesome videos. You are helping so so many people understand.

[@rahbiamayouf8099]

I'm a female FA, and if i was in love with a Guy, i would never leave him and i would work hard to make it work. If She left, it's simply because She wasn't interested in you. Period. Weirdly i was never attractted by secure attacher. I think that's because , subconsciously we need to fix people.

[@whtfolks5517]

Ditch her. Move on.

[@pauldebruyn5616]

@@rahbiamayouf8099 Thanks for the reply. I just read my original post - I forgot to mention that we were together for almost 2 years. 2 years of ups and downs. It's over now because I can't do it for a 5th time - even the good times can't make up for the bad ones.

[@pauldebruyn5616]

@@whtfolks5517 I did.

[@lexie02jones25]

@@rahbiamayouf8099 exactly! ohh what is wrong with our brain? I don't want to fix anyone, I want a secure attacher.

[@emiiba1]

I need a help on dealing with shame around NOT having a secure attachment style, especially when in a relationship with a secure partner. I struggle a lot with feeling like the defective one, and being frustrated and kind of envious of his secure attachment. I always worry that my next "issue" will be the last straw and he will leave. And it's hard to accept that he loves me when he doesn't experience the same anxieties and fears I do about loving him. It's like if it's not an emotional disaster for him like it is for me then his love feels fake. I can't relate to that kind of love and I don't believe it. Obviously none of that is healthy and I'm trying so hard to fix myself and not ruin the relationship because I love him and want us to work. I sometimes think he can't possibly be securely attached because why would he stay in a relationship with me when i so up and down. I don't know how to stop feeling like a lesser person while being with someone who is mentally stable.

[@kate7932]

firefoxexplorer focus on the positive aspect of it.. its a blessing to have by your side someone that loves you and is emotionally stable and stable in the relationship! A good opportunity to grow and changing your beliefs in this new reality.. you can learn from what he does.. you can ask him to be comforted around this insecurity you have! 😊

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

You have to do work on reprogramming the belief that you are defective or you are not good enough. Simple exercise is to keep coming up with proof of the opposite of how you show up as good enough every day or in your relationship or in any areas of your life, past, present or working towards in the future. We suffer because the one sided belief on something and it's out of balance with the reality. We all have our flaws but it's the constant focus on the negative aspects of ourselves that will hardwire negative beliefs even further. There are some great re-programming tools in the school. You should consider taking the emotional mastery course or the course specific to your attachment style to start taking steps to becoming more secure. The fact you are here watching the video is a step in the right direction. Think about joining the Personal Development private Facebook group. Lots of good support, tips and sharing among people healing themselves.

[@nainafavs]

I struggle with the same things and from what I've experienced and heard from other FAs, this feeling can extend to being less sexually attracted to the partner too which is quite impactful on a romantic relationship. The key here is to communicate your feelings and needs to your partner while simultaneously working on your "I'm unworthy" or "I'm defective" core wounds. I'm dating a secure person and I've made it my mission to be as vulnerable as possible with him, to communicate how I'm feeling or what I need. I was so afraid to do that in the beginning (coz I thought it would drive him away) but I gathered some courage one day to talk about my attachment style to him (without sharing the trauma past or anything coz we were still quite new to each other) and he responded with understanding and kindness which encouraged me to do more of it. Also before starting that conversation, I stated my need to him clearly and calmly that I wanted to talk to him about something quite important and I needed him to hold space for me while I share, which prepared him mentally to help me even more. Hope the approach will help you slowly and steadily to resolve your core wounds and be more vulnerable :) much love and healing x

[@MellowBellow1]

Secure people can handle things with a less secure attachment style because that’s HOW you can become secure in a relationship. One of THE keys to healthy attachment is to find a secure partner; because they won’t exploit or abuse your vulnerability. But it can also be good to “grant yourself and your partner a holiday “ from any drama. If you ONLY focus on the positives of life with your partner for an hour or a day or a week. ( build up gradually ). Obsessively look for positive stuff. ( because presently you’re focussed on deficit and negative comparison. ). You can build new synaptic pathways ..... it’s like a muscle. We practice, it gets stronger.

[@bellabong8862]

@@MellowBellow1 That was a really helpful comment. Thanks for sharing.

[@gabyr4641]

Thais you always have a good genuine personality when explaining in your videos!!

[@HelpdeskInParadise]

I needed this one. This is something I worry about for myself. The deactivating is actually a very valuable skill when you’re in a bad relationship.

[@beingdijah]

I just want to say my friend sent me a link to the Attachment Style Quiz and it was as though you took a lens into my head. The accuracy is amazing. I’m a new subscriber and I just want to say thank you for creating this platform. Thank you!

[@gracechan3039]

My FA bf just let my phone call ring out. We haven’t spoken in 8 days. Your content is on point.

[@nmania3]

8 days...whew. Is that typical?

[@Lannec10]

I started listening to sleep meditations to help detach and now I am feeling this way... that I am starting to pull away with sincerity rather than fear.

[@karlazapata6478]

I found this video because I’ve discovered that my ex boyfriend of 3 years is an FA/DA. He is just coming into his own behavioral realization. He had asked me to move in with him and it lasted all of 5 months,he broke up with me in early March and by the 30th I got a message from him saying he had started dating someone else and that he was happy. Needless to say it hit me like a bucket of bricks. So I’m glad I found this video and this channel it’s given me some sense of understanding as to why he does what he does.

[@justinev2561]

Im also going through a break with my FA ex. I broke up with him bc boundries were crossed, when I tried to come back after a couple days, he wasn’t having it. I’m still giving him space and praying! But it is a tendency for FA to have rebound relationships, for the most part they won’t work, and when it doesn’t they usually come back, but it’s up to you if you want to continue the pattern or move on at that point. There’s a video Thais did on this!(:

[@karlazapata6478]

@@justinev2561 I really appreciate your comment. Makes me feel less alone. I’m mostly secure but I have some anxious tendencies and I’ve been working on them in this time since he left. I’ve come to the conclusion that if he comes back and is unwilling to work on himself there is nothing left for me to do.I love him very much and a week before he left we were looking at engagement rings and talking about a wedding. For now I’m also giving him space and praying a lot. I’ll pray for you too and I hope things work out for you and your FA.

[@thesagarmahapatra]

@@justinev2561 wdym "because boundaries were crossed" I didn't get this. Are you FA yourself? Because I'm AP and I tend to hold on 😭 my ex was FA

[@crazzzeeej]

Thank you so much for helping me understand these perilous dynamics. Was dating an FA...she left my home over 10x. Worst dating experience of my life. She's been rebounding with an emotionally unavailable functional alcoholic. Inconsistent behavior and selfish. Absolutely self sabotaging. I came to the table seeking a fulfilling and loving relationship status post a spiritual awakening. I had been filled with compassion & unconditional love and I got handed a pile of sh#t. Goodbye, wacko!! I'm done.

[@twainslureca]

I’m an FA. I stopped talking to my DA 6 days ago after a failed date. All of this is true. I’m not playing games, I literally cannot speak right now. My DA made it clear every time I tried to communicate via text or in person my feelings weren’t allowed. He walked away or ignored my texts. I don’t know what’s my next move, so I’m staying gone. I don’t want to break up but I’m miserable and bc he will not allow dialogue, I’m silent. He hasn’t checked on me once.

[@vanessagrant2208]

Omg exactly the same, it's such an awful situation and pretty soul destroying to be shut down so harshly when actually we're just trying to resolve the issues and bring in a bit of balance. I'm so sorry you're experiencing the same thing but it's so reassuring to know that I'm not alone in feeling the way I do

[@twainslureca]

Vanessa Grant yes it’s reassuring to know I too am not alone. I’ve never been involved with anyone in all of my lifetime that literally will not allow me to talk about us. This is soul crushing.

[@roxyz77]

This was me with my DA back in November. In my experience once you unknowingly "test" the DA it seems to eventually turn into you actually leaving the relationship because you feel that your needs just don't get met and they don't genuinely care.

[@twainslureca]

Roxy B that’s where I’m at mentally. I realized I want to leave now.

[@xhen12]

You should leave, it’s not worth it. Assume you’re already broken up, perfect ghosting situation. Da’s don’t ever give you closure anyways, you’re just going to have to give it to yourself.

[@teresaz7152]

A tip for avoidants from the other perspective when you do these around about tactics trying to get someone to express that they care, sadly a lot of times you look guilty and sound guilty as if you're projecting onto your partner what you're doing or really feeling. Especially if it pops out at strange times and seems incongruit to the state of things, it comes across like you're trying to tell on yourself 😳

[@herewego7336]

What is mean if the fearful avoidant start to ignore her partner . Then when i asked her if she loved me she told me no ?? Her feeling changed last month? specially if she was so nice and love me alot and she talked about the future with me in the last month ? What that mean? She confused or she is don't love me anymore?

[@teresaz7152]

@@herewego7336 Dump her. That's just mind games.

[@herewego7336]

@@teresaz7152 i still in no contact. Do you think she will back or she just done with me without any reason ? I maybe she did that to get a space

[@teresaz7152]

@@herewego7336 Either way, do you want to deal with that kind of emotional roller coaster that will trauma bond you two and leave you wrecked in the end. There are millions of people in the world, claim your self respect and value and you'll draw in a healthier relationship for yourself.❤❤❤

[@natiepou]

This explains my hubby sooo much! Thank you for helping me understand him better!

[@healingypsy]

I feel sorry for you. They are hard work !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@chrishowe1712]

I really needed this. I was just asking myself this question. Thank you! You never dissapoint!

[@nancyworley5477]

This was a great topic, but I wish you could have been clearer as to which is the deactivating behavior versus which is the testing behavior. Needs clearer delineation.

[@2KChilds]

Yeah, there were only a couple she labeled, the others weren't clearly defined. It's confusing. But then, avoidants are confusing so I'm used to it.

[@titos6799]

@@2KChilds lol

[@jacquinewman8125]

Does the FA enter into what on most levels appears to be a relationship, but a year down the line calls you a wonderful friend?

[@tomasaldente2622]

Yes, that happened to me 3 weeks ago...

[@nathanasan7416]

@@tomasaldente2622 lmao happened to me 2 days ago

[@Bonzmae]

Yes

[@Blessingz007]

Om-Gosh.. I have seen this behavior you speak about in full effect. This is very interesting 🤔 Thank you for this video

[@GhostDad1]

FAs- if you breakup with someone while deactivated, do your feelings for them eventually return?

[@rosegratton7568]

My ex is a fearful avoidant and I'm Secure leaning anxious. Usually when he deactivates I leave him alone and he opens up again . But our last fight he asked for a break and I took that as a breakup. I reacted and I didn't realize it's not until then he made his decision for sure. We have been broken up for a month and he said he wants to spend time as friends for "a while". I told him I feel hurt and need more space and restarted no contact. I hope I'm doing the right for a fearful avoidant. I thought I should do no contact then ask to be friends again because I feel taken for granted and I feel he is trying to avoid the reality of what it means to break up.

[@rahbiamayouf8099]

I'm a FA female and i've never played with men's heart. If i'm in a relationship, i'm all in. I don't disappear or ask for a break. If i'm not interested in someone, i just show it by going no contact. But your FA bf looks like he doesn't know what he wants. He looks confused. I hate guys who don't know what they want and keep you going forth and come. That's so disrespectful and has nothing to do with being an FA.

[@MRlisaMR]

he asked to be friends to soften the blow on himself of the lack of you. it has nothing to do with his attachment style but all to do with selfishness. sorry that you gad to go through it

[@jackieenglish9204]

Do what's right for you. Don't worry about what's right for him. He is already completely focused on that.

[@cherylthompson2731]

@@rahbiamayouf8099 exactly 💯

[@ashleyh4699]

@@rahbiamayouf8099 I don't think you're FA. It's actually very normal for FAs to pull away and want to take a break. It's because we feel unworthy or not good enough. You're giving really bad advice telling people their partner just isnt that into them. That's not true at all. I'm an FA and I do this and was very much in love with my ex boyfriend. Unfortunately it ruined our relationship eventually. FAs are not "all in" in relationships. We're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Kind of one foot out the door because we have so many wounds we expect to get hurt.

[@ZakBurrell]

My FA left me Nov 21st it's been a month. After 9 previous times pushing me away she always came back 3 days later. Best woman I ever met and ever will.

[@lolife1981]

Keep the door and let them know it's open. But don't wait.

[@MellowBellow1]

I keep replaying this. I have an FA ( I am S ) who does the testing and the fear retreat. It’s insane. He is under absolutely no threat from me. Misperceives and describes things in lashing out that are massively incorrect representations. Is so loving and beautiful and then just twists on a dime. And states these literally CRAZY things as though there is something happening that isn’t happening. There is calm and beautiful peace and he says he’s being threatened. .... he gets wildly furious with no provocation. If we go out .... and have a beautiful evening. In warm summer breezes. He gets into the car and just screams at me about other people we have met. It’s so out of the blue. So random. It can be a perfect day or night. And WHAM the volcano erupts. ... Has anyone else experienced that ?

[@MRlisaMR]

this isn't FA behaviour. there's some deeper issues at hand. I'm FA and I don't resort to verbal abuse ever, even if highly triggered

[@Alisa-l7w]

Referring to what another person said, I do think this is FA behavior, just with serious anger issues added on top. :/ Of course not all FAs behave like that, but some do.

[@ashleyh4699]

I think this guy has BPD or some sort of severe narcissism.

[@LonelyRider87]

@@MRlisaMR I did when I was younger and less mature. Embarrassed of it now.

[@yamieden4350]

@@MRlisaMR not true I went out with an Fa. Some are volitile and will verbally abuse and yell and act irate when things trigger them. Facial expressions or certain words or sentences. Mine was along with many other things I think some form of ptsd and distortion. Definitely dissociative symptoms and acts insane many times

[@redlipmarketing867]

Thank you Dr Gibson. If you have knowledge about the intersection between ADD/ ADHD and this model, could you please make a video about it. It would be much appreciated.

[@skwerl81]

Catalytic Contreras yes literally like a week or two ago, you can probably easily find it in the recent videos list

[@redlipmarketing867]

Thank you both for the reply. Here's the link to that video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/op_CgZqDrch1hZo 👍🏽🤙🏾

[@Frederiekje221]

The link goes to a private video. Too bad. I'm just discovering this channel so signing up is too big a step yet. :) I'm mostly a DA. But my ADD makes it easier to snap out of negative moods. People with ADD are known not to hold on to grudges and grievances, they simply move on to ....ooh, shiny!

[@sunshinestar6076]

PDS is totally life changing.. thank you Thais ❤️

[@nicoleblake9266]

He doesn't really talk about his feelings. It's very rare. When he does pull away and distance himself, I pull away too to give him space and he usually comes right back buy he never talks about any unmet needs or anything of that nature.

[@goldy140]

My FA bf is the same. As in these videos he wont communicate usually . He showes his emotions from a profile or status or nothing at all (hides emotions) sometimes :(

[@ainisabrina2345]

The FA I know said that he doesnt like me and feel uncomfortable around me and ask me not to bother him again.. that means he's moving on, right?

[@musicchick581]

How do we know if we are deactivating or just need time for ourselves?

[@afasia2341]

Isn't that kind of the same thing?

[@LesleySASMR]

I hate that this is the way I am. I didn’t know until it was too late and I lost him forever 😢

[@jacquinewman8125]

Can there be a mixture between FA and anxious? Because I think this may be me. I detached because my needs were not being met and I'm dealing with a FA or dismissive avoidant for sure. So I pushed him away and he has reacted similarly. Now I'm in huge pain. This is our 3rd shot at this, there is a big connection. But I'm very frustrated being called his friend after all of this which made me explosive for the first time 2 weeks ago which then caused me to detach.

[@ishtaneel8305]

Im an FA. But its only true that my exes (DAs)were not invested. So though I ws interested, I'd say u r not equally in us, so I'm leaving. Later i learned he ws cheating too & ws hoovering bk each time acc to his convenience.

[@JensierNicoleRojas]

Just broke up with my FA, I'm anxious. He disappeared on Wednesday. Called me last night-Saturday and we talked for 2 hours. We went around in circles over an argument where he felt alone and my anxiety issues effect the relationship, blaming only me. I have always been there for him-except this week because I went away to visit my family. He literally supported me and pushed me to go visit them and when I returned he said I am never there for him. Question; why would he keep me on the phone for two hours telling me what I did wrong? I tried more than once asking, "what do you need from me, sorry I made you feel this way etc..... I offered solutions to the problems, told him we were in this together.... Every time I tried to hang up to accept the break up he would circle it around with the same things.... ????

[@ashleyh4699]

This sounds a lot like my ex boyfriend. He also would isolate himself when he was going through a rough time and then tell me I wasn't there for him. I literally can't be there for someone who won't let me. It's like he was looking to find something wrong with me.

[@misspeach3755]

@@ashleyh4699 Exactly like mine. Glad to know I am not the only one going through something like this.

[@Th3Fab3]

So is this an FA deactivating? Less phone calls gradually over several weeks, to present day no phone calls (one month now), but has sent few texts in between and still watches my social media stories and either likes or loves them and even yesterday participated in a poll I posted. I've reassured him so many times.

[@MRlisaMR]

sadly you can't make us FAs do anything,,, it's like there is a mechanism inside that must run its course and it's impossible for an outsider to offer just the right amount of support and space... we're in a prison cell of our own and there is no lock nor key on the outside

[@MM-Iconoclast]

@@MRlisaMR This was very insightful. Can I ask you some questions? My FA kind-of-boyfriend (he says he is, but it's just been a couple of months and we haven't slept together yet) has gone silent for the last 6-7 days. My response has been to not reach out - just to give him space until he gets back in contact. Do you think this is the correct response rather than reaching out? My second question is - if he does get back in contact, do you think it's workable to ask for certain things (like 'can we reliably see each other once a week and maybe connect by phone once also?') or is this just going to push him away? And lastly - is this a pattern that cannot be prevented in the future? (for me, a week of no text and no call and no get together feels like a long time...). I really appreciate your feedback on these questions. Thanks a bunch in advance!

[@attheranch873]

This is amazingly accurate 😲😮

[@alyajewellery]

As an FA I usually won’t express how I was hurt, too vulnerable.

[@Femininelovevibes]

I dumped him, so he doesn’t really have a choice. Life is WAY precious to be stress and worried etc.

[@redlipmarketing867]

Exactly👍👍👍. Congrats for respecting your time+feelings *And* please tell them about this channel. As more of us heal and learn to be a nutritious source for others this game we're all in will improve.

[@zethuhlubi2065]

You dumped a FA or you’re the FA that dumped someone?

[@Femininelovevibes]

Zethu hlubi I exited the “relationship”

[@douglascampbell4993]

@@zethuhlubi2065 that was my first thought as well

[@bulldogboris3663]

Yes FA, DA or Narcissists....STAY FAR AWAY from these sick hurt and selfish shit people

[@spartanares4345]

What happens if you were in a situationship for 6 months, I go no contact to move on, but then I see her on campus 3 months later and she is completely cold/emotionless/rude? I tried to talk to her about what is going on in a calm charming way, but she would just FREAK OUT by bailing and saying "I have to be somewhere" but then pulls out her phone and says aggressively that ""I'll keep in touch?"

[@lenaflab2697]

Are both possible - that someone moves on because they completely deactivated? My FA ex told me during breakup that he had no feelings for me, didn't want to cause me more pain, and then wished me all the best for my future. He previously had a traumatic relationship, and a few other intense relationship experiences, might have been deactivating for some time after I asked for a bit of space to process certain facts from his history. After 4 months of dating and fantasizing about our future, he lost interest in being with me. Any thoughts...?

[@owlex10]

In my experience, it's because we've been hit with a bunch of underlying feelings at once as opposed to processing each one fully or at all. Then the deactivation hits, and in that moment we feel nothing. I would not call it "losing interest", it's just that a part of our brain goes offline in order to protect ourselves. This is why it is so important to heal so that we know where our feelings are coming from - wounds or self. If deactivated, in the moment, breaking up seems like the only way to escape the pain. But inevitably, it hits later, and often that is when FAs circle back (or at least I have).

[@ALzkaban]

I would agree with the person above me, based on my experience with my FA ex. The part of the brain going offline to protect themselves thing. Although I’d say it’s more like their heart or feelings go offline so they don’t have to feel the pain that’s coming up for them. And also agree that when they’re deactivated, in the moment breaking up feels like the only way to escape the pain. My FA has done this a couple times now, it eventually hit him and he came back the last time. We’ll see if he returns again. I know deep down he wants to. Just not sure how long it will take for him to realize it, or when he’ll be willing and humble enough to admit it.

[@lenaflab2697]

​@@owlex10 Thank you so much for sharing your insight, Alex 🙏 I'm not sure if my ex is a fearful-avoidant then, as with time he only got more certain that "we were not a good match and problems arose on different fronts", it didn't feel right to fight for it, etc. (initially he argued that he was 'emotionally blocked'). I don't even know if he is able to develop love or function in a stable, 'normal' relationship (without 'fireworks'). It looks like there was never real love for me, only initial excitement and hoping, because I was such a good 'relationship material'... And it faded away after slight misunderstandings and loss of initial attraction. It "hit you later" because apparently you have developed deeper feelings for that person, right...? xx

[@lenaflab2697]

@@ALzkaban Thank you for sharing, Allison! You can see my reply to @Alex Ayala. It looks like FAs usually come back (or at least have some doubts down the road), if they don't have other underlying issues. My person has never been truly "in it", I think, perhaps because of some past traumas and stunted emotional development, perhaps different idea of and needs in a relationship (therefore incompatibility)...? Sounds like your person would benefit from an attachment-informed therapy - if he's open for it. x

[@DockClock-rp2ro]

Now I'm wondering if it's not limerence. I do not attach easily, and I do not abandon myself or my needs. My anxious attachment has improved significantly. Not completely, but a lot. The fantasies I have are just her wanting to be with me, and trying to understand me again. There's not much more to it than that. I just like her and miss her.

[@ellesab4873]

Will this still be an issue for an avoidant even after 24yrs of marriage? Meaning are they still scared and testing the relationship after all this time?

[@NewyJon7787]

I pushed my avoidant ex away, because she needs to know shes going to lose me forever.

[@soph6f]

FAs do all that to u that they don’t want happen to them ???? Can a FA explain this ???

[@soph6f]

I think I’m a yr late on the comments

[@surfreadjumpsleep]

So if a FA pulls away.. but she pulled away because she got triggered because she got too close too fast.. and then she created a bunch of stories around that which were not true. Then what is the ex partner to do? Find someone else who is more secure I guess. But it's too bad. She was quite nice before all this stuff surfaced.

[@Reptilefan101]

Can you please make another video on this ? It’s pretty final as in they will never come back or just deactivate for long time ?

[@ALzkaban]

I’d love her to elaborate on this video too! My FA and I have been doing this for 8 years. He always comes back eventually, but will stay gone for years at a time. Just deactivated a week or two ago.

[@mockavel213]

​@@ALzkabanyears is too long. Should be under a year and happen less and less and for shorter periods...

[@MsPaint1]

This is sooo important!

[@lopuli]

If they are moving on, does that mean there is no getting back together possible? Or would there still be a chance after a couple of weeks of no contact?

[@lesliejohns987]

Tea Pajan there’s still a chance ... Feelings change... You wouldn’t believe it But they come back just give it Time, patience and work on yourself... 🙏🏻❤️and Pray... Miracles do happen...

[@Truckguy1970]

Most of the time they will eventually. It depends on what made them deactivate in the first place. Sometimes losing their job or a lot of outside stress can cause them to move on

[@Tam438]

This was reassuring 🙏

[@MarcillaSmith]

My FA friend said she sensed I wanted more closeness, and she doesn't think she can be that person for me. So while I hear her words, her actions were that she had to make herself more authentic to say this, therefore letting down her guard and acting with more closeness. Nonetheless, I am going no contact for the next few weeks while she is tied up in a work project. While I don't want to be the sort of friend who bails at the first sign of trouble, I'm also not looking to make my life more difficult. Assuming we reconnect in a few weeks, I'm wondering how much I should be reassuring her I'm not trying to push her into some preconceived idea of what our friendship should look like, and how much I should challenge her on her words versus her actions, and expressing my own ideas about what's going on in the relationship dynamic

[@MarcillaSmith]

@@Alphacentauri819 thank you, I appreciate your insight :) My need going forward is for her to trust me enough to continue with this deeper authenticity about where she's at and what's going on with her. My boundary is going to be about balance - I can't let myself put so much into maintaining the friendship that I feel as though I'm carrying the bulk of the workload. In short, I'm trying to reassure her that I really want to meet her relational needs, if she will express those to me - even at times like this when she needs more breathing room. I don't mean this as a threat, just an observation: if she can't express her needs to me, then I don't see how things can continue

[@MarcillaSmith]

@@Alphacentauri819 Likewise! That's truly unfair and so disappointing to know that you put in the work on the front end, and when you needed that reciprocated, the other took what you gave and left :( FWIW, we all feel inadequate and putting on an act at times. I don't say this to minimize your own experience of this, only that I hope you don't let it make you feel that you are so far removed from the experience of "the typical human" (whoever THAT is!)

[@adrij4961]

What if an FA blocks you?

[@Jme.Online]

wow... I've heard the examples you listed from ppl before! Interesting

[@nc1195]

I'm definitely an FA and my bf is definitely secure and very understanding. I feel like I might overshare or talk about my mental struggles too much with him, even though he doesn't make me feel this way. I feel like this because he doesn't seem to need the same kind of support as me so its disproportionately me trying to talk to him about my feelings. Any thoughts? Do i feel like this because I am an FA or is there a line that I could've crossed talking about how I feel too much? I know its not enough information to know from a YT comment but sometimes I want to send him these videos to explain things that I do and I feel too sensitive or "dramatic". thanks for reading :)

[@yamieden4350]

Your fine, actually expressing goes a long way. Heal yourself and expressing and communicate is the best

[@misspeach3755]

Sharing your feelings is something very valuable. Immature avoidant and even secure attachment styles are not known to do this. It is of great value to your partner and will keep the dialog open in your relationship. Very important first step for healing.

[@nicholasbrassard3512]

Something im having trouble with is my FA ex has C-ptsd/lsuffered life long abuse/trauma. So I have a lot of trouble knowing when it's really cause she wants to leave or cause she's having a relapse into abuse. So when she deactivates she runs back to an abusive ex. Says it's done for good with me. But then eventually comes back. She's done this for the third time now..

[@mknz8096]

Thank you. That's all I can say

[@PieterFret]

How does this apply to break-ups? My FA ex was deactivating more and more for about a month, never really expressed her needs very clearly or tried to work on the issues. Her behavior started to make me feel anxious and disrespected so I tried to talk to her about it a few times. In the end she said she didn't want to hear about my feelings, that they were my problems and not hers, that I was just going to "attack" her and tell her what she was doing "wrong", and then she broke up with me. When I told her there was no need for harsh decisions, that we could just talk about any issues and work on them, she said she felt suffocated and that we just weren't compatible. That was over 2 weeks ago, we haven't been in contact since. Now I know this was definitely not a test, but sometimes I do wonder how sure she was/is of the break-up. It seemed totally unnecessary to me...

[@kate7932]

Did she ever mention why you two weren’t compatible? or which of her needs weren’t met in the relationship? I’m a FA too.. I would say this if I’m panicking.. or if I’ve been arguing for too long and working on issues didn’t work.. I think you did good for talking to her to find a solution and telling her you were feeling disrespected.. you showed up for yourself.. And it seems she felt attacked and got defensive and then pulled away.. like tired of all the pain.. I understand how difficult it is at the end you want to give up 😂 Depending on the relationship is a good thing to leave.. in my case I can say my ex’s weren’t for me so breaking up revealed to be the right choice

[@lmichellewright]

Hi Pieter, As someone with FA qualities, it sounds to me like she didn’t feel seen or heard. Personally when I share something and the other doesn’t fully acknowledge my feelings and instead speaks about how they feel or jumps to a solution, depending who it is I can feel dismissed or invalidated which triggers my abandonment wound. Once I feel abandoned, it can become more difficult to express my needs. May not be your case but just my perspective based on what you’ve shared.

[@PieterFret]

@@Alphacentauri819 Thanks for your reaction! I'm definitely aware of and working on my (anxious) attachment style. I think I'm a very emphatic, understanding person and I've always been very supportive of my ex and her needs. I would ask her about them, because she wouldn't communicate them to me but instead withdraw. What I mean by "the break-up seemed unnecessary" is that a good conversation about her and my needs could've gotten us aligned again. That's not a judgment, just my opinion... An honest, open conversation is a great way to come to a better understanding of each other, which can then lead to a renewed sense of connection and a better relationship. If the alternative is breaking up and therefore giving up, I definitely know which option I prefer...

[@kate7932]

B the Change I think it’s hard to work on the problems of the relationship if the dynamic is communicating “you have something wrong” 🙀 that for me is huge.. I agree that it depends on what she wants if it was necessary or not.. it’s personal.. there isn’t a right or wrong for this.. she is the only person that can tell you and know if something works for her.. you can’t be that person.. you can say it for yourself tho! ❤️ (I’m saying this last sentence to the person of the first comment)

[@PieterFret]

@@kate7932 Just to be clear, she assumed I was going to tell her what she was doing "wrong", but I did not actually do that! I NEVER told her there was anything wrong with her! That's really not my mindset. I'm always very careful to talk about sensitive issues in the "when you do X, it makes me feel Y" kind of way. And then really listen to the reasons why she is doing that. Because if I don't know, I can't work on the problem. In this case, she was pulling away and talking to other guys behind my back, so I think I was in my right to communicate that she was crossing my boundaries...

[@LanaClarkLC]

So if he is just done should i just leave it or fight for him? Im still confused.

[@steveley9009]

On point #1, if the FA deactivates and blocks, then activates as a fake profile and reaches out because the other person pulls back as well.... Is this the tail between the legs you are referring too? Is this a test and too proud to admit it?

[@yattab4590]

Nailed it!! 🤗🤗

[@disorder_go]

Mine comes back, we get really close, she tells me how much she loves me etc, then she leaves again and disappears out of my life completely. I just don’t understand how they can do it!

[@nicoleflusk5434]

Same here!! He says he loves me, says we should get married and I should move in with him then boom he is gone won’t answer calls or texts!!! It’s happened 4 times. I’m scared to even open all the way emotionally even though I feel like it would be easy to love him but he keeps leaving. Last time it was almost a month before he came back. Now it’s 2 weeks I don’t know if he will come back again or not. Sad thing is that we are so good together. No arguments no issues actually. He just says he has never felt like this before but he never wants to lose me! It’s so hard 😢

[@disorder_go]

@@nicoleflusk5434 Yep.. exactly the same. We’re so good together, all we do is laugh and have a good time. She even says it herself - “its effortless with you!” - and then she leaves again. Why is it so tough!!?

[@hamzahkhan4319]

Your videos scare me. 😂 I love my fearful avoidant.

[@cvcvc7578]

I see that someone has been reading my text messages 😅, I'm glad I found these videos.

[@ratm3133]

My girlfriend is an FA and all of a sudden stopped talking to me last week. I’ve left it alone and focused on other things however they checked on me when I was sick on the same day they started deactivating. Is it ok to continue just allowing space? Thanks much

[@Dee010s]

Thats me. Lol Nice to meet you!

[@jelenashome1725]

So if he said to me "You forgot me" during no contact (because he pulled away), was it actually a test or he was the one that actually forgot me?

[@ConfidencePT]

What if the relationship ended just gone two years and their social media behaviour shows some push/pull or attempts to get your attention or cause you jealousy?

[@emiliab.6719]

I wish you had an option to pay in Canadian funds.

[@ddeenniizz0]

Thais, this video changed me. thanks you are so special

[@SkateDontHateuk]

I need to move on but I'm just deactivating 😢 have you done any videos on when a close friend doesn't see you romantically or seemed interested but then found someone else? (I'm FA he's AP)

[@anothercat9600]

In some cases the DA will just not end the texting relationship. He is in love with my geekiness, it makes him feel secure, it seems.

[@rs9sug753]

My fearful avoidant ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago. I’m a anxious one. She has now removed me from all socials and told me to never contact her again. She’s changed a lot and change person. I’ve done a everything I feel I could’ve done but I don’t want to give up. I think I’ve lost her forever

[@adrij4961]

I’m in the exact same situation dude . She blocked me and now I’m not even sure if she’ll ever come back.

[@justinev2561]

Im also anxious and my ex was FA, we had one major breakup prior, and he came back after about 6 weeks, I think just give it time, they need so much space. But grow so your able to understand her and your dynamic. I’m hoping me and my ex Can work things out the second time around.

[@rs9sug753]

@@adrij4961 I’ve been doing the loa trying to get her back. It’s good mentally

[@rs9sug753]

@@justinev2561 thank you :)

[@flashman2]

Move on

[@chairtymay_BlessedbyGod5023]

Do u have one for a dismissive avoidant deactivating or moving on

[@Suzeraincecil]

She has a ton of information on these topics that are super helpful. But I cant help but feel that her delivery is pretty confusing sometimes, and I have to rewind certain parts to fully understand what she is saying.

[@attheranch873]

Endless Animo She talks too fast and has “voice fry”, but her content is outstanding. I found that slowing the speed down makes her MUCH easier to understand! In fact, it’s the only way I can understand her 🙂

[@lesliejohns987]

Yes .... Her content is true but it is confusing.. She’s so Passionate about her knowledge and seems to Be a Very loving woman to all her viewers.. But I had to ask questions in the comments because Her feedback is confusing .. I had to reply this on slower speed and over and over again.. not to criticize her but she seems contradicting in her videos.. But she DEFINITELY PROVIDES TO US HER EDUCATION OF ATTACHMENT THEORIES ... with the truth....

[@AyaAlm-bo7tl]

Can someone explain this video as I’m more confused than before watching it! 😢

[@thinkfirst1989]

Pretty sure I'm a "mild" FA leaning anxious (a lot of me activating and deactivating is internal), but I'm dating a FA leaning DA who definitely activates and deactivates prominently. We've been in a situationship for 9 years while being with other people during and between. (Mostly him, I tend to stay in relationships for way too long until I start resenting my partner) This is the first time we've semi-formally dated in 6 years- I had to travel for work and I kind of moved in with because the boyfriend I left for him, lives in my old apartment. So we've essentially been living together for 7 months. About a month ago we had a conversation about being exclusive and he finally changed his tune about me "doing whatever I want" to him asking me to leave my ex (we'd been on an open ended break), well- it took me a month to get my head together to finally do it, and he's started pursing his ex, sexually at least, in the meantime. Now I finally broke up with my ex and am I like- here I am, I'm ready to move in with you and do our life together right this time and he's been super emotionally abusive, blaming me for waiting too long, saying he doesn't care that I broke up with my ex anymore, insisting I apologize for telling HIS ex that he and I are together because now she won't talk to him, and all around refusing to acknowledge the validity of my emotional reality because he's so caught up in his. The funny thing is- he's accusing ME of the same thing. And maybe he's right, that I was to an extent. He was getting sooooooo dismissive that I started telling myself all these stories about what a useless POS he is anyway, while also trying to find the courage to go all in with him. Whenever I tried to talk with him about how we were feeling he wasn't emotionally available. I'd say his dismissive phase started before he asked me to finally leave my ex for good, but only a couple weeks after he first started calling me his girlfriend (which was after 5 months of us enjoying our situationship. I feel like I fucked things up by waiting so long to more finally break up with my ex, but also at a certain point I'd decided that I needed to see if he would *really* want to be with me if I stopped being such a yes girl and started being more of my emotionally authentic (who is pretty demanding sometimes) self. But maybe I was too demanding too fast....IDK. He's been really demanding in this nitpicky way too though and that was a big part of why I hesitated to commit like God- can I really be with someone who is on my case all the time? And now I'm literally about to be homeless- because my lease with my ex is ending and I've been expecting to move in with him this whole time and he's telling me we never even were in a relationship, and he was never my boyfriend because I already had one. He's just fighting and fighting and fighting me, and he only wants to hear what I have to say if it's to tell him he's right. He said he doesn't care about MY feelings anymore, but I feel like he didn't even notice or care about mine most of the time he's been in this dismissive phase- which has now gone on for the better part of 2 months with short breaks! And yet HE says that he was communicating how we was feeling and I never listened, that I never listen to him and that I second guess everything he says and never allow him to be right. I've tried to withdraw- like leave the room, or say I'm tired and stay in on the weekend so that he MIGHT come to me and prove that he gives a shit, but he just never does. And yet he'd tell me "don't you know how much I love you and want to be with you and make a life with you? Don't you know I'm crazy about you?" And yet we were barely having sex- even tho he used to be a very sexual person, and still thrives on sexual attention. It's just.....omg if anyone has read this far god bless you, it's just a fucking mess. But I am so serious about making it work. He's been the love of my life for almost a decade- I feel like this is finally our chance to make it work. Please tell me I haven't fucked this up too bad to move forward. He's said so many nasty things to me in the last week, I don't know what he's just saying because he's angry, and what he really wants. He says I'm "lucky" he hasn't told me he doesn't want me to move in anymore, and that if I don't text his lover and tell her I was lying when I told her we were together (he hadn't told me he didn't consider us as together because of my ex- he was calling my his GF!), that's he's done with me. This is feeling like a super toxic situation, but I don't want to abandon ship without really trying to make it work. At least then I'll know, if it doesn't, it never would. I know my ex would take me back in a heartbeat- and I absolutely still love him and feel "home" the few times I have seen him all these months I've been dating my FA, but I love him too much to use him like- like he's my second string. I think I'd have to take some time alone if it doesn't work out with my FA but at this point all my friends were done hearing about it months ago, I've lost my home and moved across the state...I'm 33 and I'd literally have to retreat to my mother's house and start my life at square one all over again. And this is exactly what I've been worried about since the first time it happened to me- losing EVERYTHING, I don't know if I'll ever be able to emotionally recover, and I've never been able to casually date. It takes me forever to date someone, I have to know them for a long time to feel close to enough to start to be interested, and once we start dating- I'm so confrontation avoidant I will just stay with them forever, until I resent them and feel dead inside. The alternative is I'm completely alone and I don't even want anyone to touch me because it feels like pollution, nor do I want to expose anyone to my potential to hurt them.

[@NoahLema]

I thought maybe she was bipolar but I guess she was just a fearful avoidant lmao you described her perfectly

[@getin6952]

😂.. i felt like I met one person and the she was gone and being replaced by another. It's almost like dating two person.

[@hhholly]

Oops caught me

[@barbaraladams5304]

This was not much of a dive into the subject and a little unclear.

[@Talkinglife]

Nice interesting

[@IanRoyball128]

❤️

[@fionaedwards9722]

what happened to Thais' hair, eyebrows, skin, eyelashes? I don't get it.

[@ComradeFromRhody401]

It’s just her makeup

[@SK-no2pp]

Why are you concerned about the makeup and not the content

[@TrophyHunterTyler]

Tai--- does the WITHYOU code work for single month? I emailed you

[@barbaraladams5304]

This was not much of a dive into the subject and a little unclear.

[@IanRoyball128]

❤️

[@barbaraladams5304]

This was not much of a dive into the subject and a little unclear.