Fiance Told Me I'd Never Be Able To "Pull" Anyone Attractive After A Dream I Had r/Relationships

[@angierucinski5694]

So OP tells the fiance about a dream, supposedly for a bit of a laugh and gets absolutely insulted? Not only by the fiance but her family and friends? Does OP have anyone in her life who gives a flying F*CK about her. This is truly awful.

[@KCohere33]

Yeah, she has no one supporting her. Wtf! And how would he like it if she as much as called him unattractive? That would hurt and he wouldn’t be overreacting for it. What a dick!

[@clauro6153]

She have,they were being pushed away by the aholes trying isolate her

[@KCohere33]

@@clauro6153Yeah, I heard that part afterwards and I’m glad she left that bum.

[@gunman462]

Even if what he said was true, to say it and then be cold because she didn't like it. It's like pulling an awful prank and then punishing a person for not liking the prank. Maybe the boyfriend got insecure about OP being attracted to a movie star and lashed out.

[@OnewBiased]

Yeah, normal people would have a laugh about it. Or joked "please don't leave me for him 😢". Then it will be another funny story to tell or they both forgot about it. The one overreacted over a non-issue is OP's fiance. Glad OP got rid of those toxic people

[@SLTheOneAndAwesome19]

Story 1: Sounds like OP was groomed by her upbringing to tolerate narcissistic abuse and her boyfriend couldn't handle that her therapy was helping her to stand up against those attitudes. Good riddance.

[@gmun2248]

Yup. She sounds like she has high levels of empathy. If she has always been surrounded by people who have no empathy, it makes sense they have made her think she is "too sensitive". It's crazy to me that this all came out because of a dream she might never have mentioned to anyone.

[@greenbeacon394]

⁠​⁠@@gmun2248Sounds like this was a case of “powder kegging/build up “ to this event. If it wasn’t the Adam Driver dream it would’ve been something else

[@kaylawest2088]

EXACTLY!! That was the exact vibe I got when I heard that him say she was being cocky after therapy. Instant ABUSER flags!

[@meghansherman6880]

You nailed it. 👏🏻 This story felt SOOOO familiar 😒

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 1 update: so basically the ex-fiance thought OP was gaining self confidence (saying she's "cocky") and is too insecure to deal with it. Gross.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@One.DeSanctis.]

He decided to "neg" OP back into her place by smashing he self esteem. Gross behavior

[@penelopelane5753]

Sounds like he’s also got into some red pill incel talking points as well.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

@@penelopelane5753 How does a grown man, with a good job, in a relationship, and on the verge of marriage manage to fall into red pilled incel nonsense? Dude was doing great in life and decided to screw it up over nothing.

[@catsncrows]

Also got her locked down/wedding imminent, it's safe to let the ugly behavior out!😑

[@headquarterproductions1484]

Story One: Sounds more like the people around op have a history of being insensitive rather than the other way around

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

My thoughts exactly! This is a pit of snakes, not a loving support system. 😒

[@tracicolvis7382]

Yeah girl was being gaslit by everyone she knew.

[@littletom4928]

Was just about to say the same thing. OP’s family and friends sound as if they are the “I’m just being honest” type - which is French for “we don’t give a shite how you feel until you say the same sort back to me”.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

@@littletom4928 No. This is insulting to French people I think. But you're absolutely right about everything else though. This is a classic case of snakes not caring for someone who's going through something bad unless it's happening to them. 😒

[@Catherine.Dorian.]

Yeah but it’s also realistic. Most of us are average looking (on a scale of 1-10, most people would be 4-6). So the fact is the majority of us wouldn’t be able to pull any celebrity. That being said, it’s the way he said it that makes him the asshole as if she should be thankful he’s even with her.

[@sagesaria]

"Ever since you started therapy you became cocky and more demanding" made me shrink back in my chair. The biggest, brightest red fuckin' flag. You know for a fact what he really means is "ever since you started therapy you started advocating for yourself more and became less meek and vulnerable and I can't manipulate you anymore."

[@helar2574]

Story 2: Why it so hard for people to implement "decompression rule". Just dont touch your SO when he came from work, let him "switch gears" and be in family mode

[@tacooflove6175]

I wonder if OP was checked out from mental exhaustion and she felt the distance from him even though she was standing next to him holding his hand and it made her freak out about him wanting someone else 😮 if she had just given 5 minutes to relax and breathe he might have handled things better.

[@terramarini6880]

@@tacooflove6175 Also, she is an extrovert stuck working from home, she needs that social contact like introverts need recharge time. She needs to get a job out of the house, have lunch with coworkers, get invited to their baby showers and the like, have a social group that is just hers. She is depending on him for the thing that gives her sustenance, like a drowning person dragging down their rescuer.

[@AndyyWithAY]

WTAF! He insulted your looks and told you that you won't leave. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, run directly away from this man. All the women in your life are toxic pick-mes. I'd have bounced so fast

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

Seriously, what kind of friends are those? And the fiance sounds awful, was a jackass! I could never imagine saying something so cruel to my partner, even if she were mad at me. We love each other, we would never push each other down like this. So gross.

[@audraverela3663]

Truly what the fiancé said is abusive. That’s emotional abuse thru begging. What is the joke here? That OP was ugly and boring and wa# lucky to have her fiancé let alone any other man? Fuuuuuck that. OP has been manipulated to believe she’s been overreacting all her life. She needs therapy, better friends, a better partner and going oc or bc with her shitty family.

[@Swnsasy]

@andyawe13 With a mother like that and those "friends" around her, no wonder she has a low self esteem.. What a horrible thing to say to someone you claim to love.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Well... collecting $200 might help.

[@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh]

​@@jaymevosburgh3660ty The friends are worse

[@Swnsasy]

Story 2: NTA.. Married almost a decade and hubby and I will pick a room and do our own thing. We both are extroverts BUT as the older we get we really don't go out much. I WFH and when he comes home he kisses me and if we want alone time we just know and branch off... This is very healthy!!

[@wintermute9459]

If she's an extrovert, WFH may be part of the problem for her. She's been alone all day and is ready to socialize. He's not been alone all day and is ready for quiet time. That's my theory anyhow. On low meeting days, even as an introvert, it's easy to go a little stir crazy when "trapped" alone in the house. Sif this is the case though, she does need to better communicate her needs.

[@MizTameRumors]

Story 1 OP isn't oversensitive, she's just been raised in an environment that dismisses all of her feelings, and has ended up in a similarly abusive relationship. .

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 1:It’s sad to shudder at phrases like *“teach her a lesson”* or *“bring you back to earth.”* 🤢 This story reminded of that about OP boyfriend who decided to continuously tell his girlfriend she stinks. Dude was trying to keep her self esteem low, so she would never leave. So glad that backfired so much. Thank goodness for therapy and self validation.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yes. I'm so happy therapy helped OP see the light. Without it, she would've been gaslit into staying, there's no doubt about it.

[@hi_stranger9156]

​@@PrincessQ-fj9lyAmen.

[@j.a.y.j.a.y.1107]

The bf was a chip off the old block.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

Before I finished reading, I was thinking "you need to get thru therapy for your self-esteem issues before you get married". It just kept getting worse. Glad she ditched the "short man syndrome" guy and the girl cabal. It's not so much self-esteem issue as being able to recognize when people are gaslighting her or otherwise giving wrong indications.

[@DrownedInExile]

Pity she didn't flip his script when she broke up. "I'm just teaching you a lesson, bringing you back to earth. Stop overreacting!"

[@TheIronwil]

Story 1: Wow. Why didn’t her fiancé just spit on her while he was at it? I doubt he could have been more insulting. Referring to it as “negging” was 100% correct.

[@BraveryWing26]

"I grieved like a week only" GOOD FOR FIRST OP! YOU go girl! YOU DO YOUR THING.

[@Kal_57]

Story 1 : In her update OP was talking about his mask slipping off after the engagement, and that's exactly what I was thinking after the initial post. He thought he had locked her with the engagement and started the emotionnal abuse to lower her self-esteem so that she won't even think of leaving him. That's why he said that she would not leave him, he thought he had already won. Good thing that she not only dump this scumbag, but also got rid of the toxic relationships that contributed to her low self-esteem, her mother included.

[@gruel_summer]

Story 1: It was the "you won't leave me" that did it for me. Noooope. Don't marry this man, op! He picked you because he can control you due to low self esteem. Free yourself!

[@gimmeabreak6844]

He felt he'd put in enough work over 5 years to groom her into staying with him. Years of micro-agressions, backhanded insults disguised as helpfulness, semi-seclusion. It strikes me too that as they were both 5 7", she was on the tall-ish, more statuesque side, while he was on the short side for a man. I'll bet he dissuaded her from wearing heels or in any way appearing taller than him. He kept her demeaned and tied to him by emphasising and exaggerating her as "too sensitive", so she'd be more likely not to question his motives. Poor thing. She's free now.

[@ScooterBond1970]

Him: "You won't leave me." Her: "Hold my beer." (leaves) Him: (shocked pikachu face)

[@wessexdruid7598]

If he's truly in a relationship with a woman no one else would want - then what does that say about him? Apart from the obvious that he doesn't see her as an equal.

[@Russman67]

Story 1: Thankfully the mask came off before they got married. You have to love how everyone in her immediate circle downplayed the remarks. And then when she started getting attention the ex-fiance lost his mind. Time to move forward.

[@AngelaVEdwards]

And how was she "catfishing" as a younger woman just because she was having a birthday? Her fiance was ridiculous and I'll bet she's pretty good looking since she got a lot of male attention.

[@crowdemon_archives]

@@AngelaVEdwards Or even if she's average af, it's not even that hard for her to draw a bunch of male attention just by having a good time? I mean, people are going to notice it lol.

[@SappyDuder]

Story 1: I'm glad OP did what she did in the end. Good on her for getting out of a bad situation! Story 2: I think the (probably soon to be ex) wife wanted any excuse to leave the relationship. Edit: I slept on the info the second story, and I have a lot of questions for OP. I've commented on one post asking for more details, I will edit this again if OP posts any details to my comment. Something is fishy in that situation and I don't think it's just the wife anymore

[@cptfwiffo]

so true on the second story. Jump from "gimme a bit of time" to "well, then you're not one for my relationship. Kthxbye". So fishy.

[@jeaniebee3657]

@@cptfwiffo why do you think its the wife being fishy ?lol all she did was greet him with a how was your day? he snapped at her. she reacted to wtf fast but he snapped fast too. without what he is leaving out how can you blame one or the other? there is obviously something behind the scenes the OP is leaving out. and yes he is leaving something out, and why do OP's leave stuff out do you think?

[@krysallis9673]

I thought the wife was just initially hurt and was being overdramatic in the moment or there was some miscommunication, but the fact that OP said he would cheat given she's so insecure made me think OP was the problem.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

@@cptfwiffo Methinks she's projecting. Pouting and digging at him for a solid week for just wanting some alone time? He's not saying "I'm going to start going to the gym 10 hrs a week with my hot new coach, Jessica".

[@hibiscusrose6074]

His wife doesn't work, has no friends outside of the marriage. husband and doesn't mention any friends, which means that she is at home. The boring question is why doesn't she have any friends? Or go to work and make connections outside of the husband. To jump quickly to you are not the one. Let's divorce means she really is insecure.

[@rainyday2966]

With the first one, he could have stopped at "Your dreams are so delusional haha". But he proceeded to talk so badly about you, and then confirmed that he can say these hurtful things whenever because you're "too ugly to get someone else". That's honestly horrible, couples therapy or dump his sorry ass.

[@gaaraxnaru]

Even that comment would be too much, I'd be immediately wondering, Why does he think I'm delusional? He should have laughed it off like they always do, no comment necessary.

[@ineedhoez]

Couples therapy for what?

[@angelaa7388]

He basically said "you're ugly, you're ugly, and, oh, you're ugly. But I'll marry you because I'm the only one with the stomach to look at you every day."

[@ineedhoez]

@@gaaraxnaru I always have dreams that I am dating my favorite athletes. I laugh about it with my partner. It's funny. This dude intentionally tried to hurt her.

[@gaaraxnaru]

@@ineedhoez Exactly.

[@moonlightauras1]

It's crazy to me that people still hold onto that "you're not hot enough to pull so and so" kind of mindset. Human desire is abundant and unpredictable, and we see proof of it everyday. You can never assume who is capable of attracting whom simply based on how they look; there's more to attraction than that.

[@sadtitties222]

Absolutely true! Beauty is subjective, period. What you or I may find "attractive" may not be other peoples' cup of tea, and that's okay! That's the true beauty of life! Everyone sees different body types, facial features, etc. as gorgeous and sexy. There is no "one way" to look attractive. There are so many different couples that I have seen throughout my life that look like they shouldn't be together (according to the superficial and unrealistic beauty standards), but who cares, they are happy together and that's all that matters! Love transcends appearances! Okay, I'll get off my soap box now, lol. 😁

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

Plus it's Adam Driver, not Ryan Gosling or Brad Pitt. BF was hella bitter. Bet he thinks he can pull in Scarlett Johanson.

[@colleens1107]

The irony is Adam Driver isn’t even that hot. He’s got charisma up the wazoo but he’s definitely a guy I think I could bag, looks wise alone

[@moonlightauras1]

@@user-wr3vt8uq4s I bet Adam Driver could pull Ryan Gosling AND Scarlett Johanson on the same night. He's pretty damn charming.

[@samiulhuda4001]

lol no it is true. their are hierarchies. i would never be able to pull prime monica belluci. or even current version

[@kateworkman921]

The second one, the "closeness" OP thinks he had with his wife was just an illusion because she wanted him by her every second. But going straight to "I don't know if you're the one/if our relationship can survive" and thinking OP is cheating? That's some massive jealousy, trust, and insecurity issues she was hiding. What kind of monster immediately goes to those thoughts when someone just wants some time to themselves to unwind? If the wife is such an extrovert, then why doesn't she go and hang out with some friends? That way, OP could relax in a way he sees fit, and the wife could relax in a way she sees fit, then they could come back and tell one another about it and reconnect after they both 'recharge' as it were.

[@ineedhoez]

It's not about being a monster. She has an insecure attachment. She likely has an anxious preoccupied attachment style. She has deep abandonment wounds. When he says he needs space, she hears that he is abandoning her. It triggers her feelings of being unlovable, not good enough, broken or whatever. It triggers her into leaving the relationship so she doesn't get abandoned. That is what is going on under the surface. That being said, it is not acceptable behavior in a relationship. I would still leave. Her response to the request for space is immature AF. She is punishing him for setting a boundary.

[@kateworkman921]

@@ineedhoez That's potentially what's going on under the surface, seeing as we don't have any insight to her mind. However, I'm inclined to agree with you. But as someone who used to be like that, yes, she is a monster. It's horrible manipulative and disgusting behavior to go from a happy "spend every second with them" mindset, straight to everything she did. Yeah, it can absolutely come from a place of trauma/abandonment/pain, but that doesn't excuse what her actions do to other people. If something happened to her to make her that way, what happened isn't her fault. But how she handles it *is* her responsibility.

[@Gumbier_Than]

​@@ineedhoez the fact that she works from home and is an extrovert may have been contributing to it also. I know, I work from home and I'm an extrovert.

[@colleens1107]

When someone jumps to cheating when their partner has not done anything suspicious, it’s often projection, I would start watching HER if I was OP

[@NakaidaBeauzec]

Story 2 everyone is making the assumption that the wife sits at home all day, and she is an extrovert? Don't buy that.

[@kaykay8855]

Story 2: does op’s have a habit of assuming the worst whenever op says that he needs a moment alone? Because she jumped from ‘I’m questioning our relationship’ to ‘are you cheating on me?’

[@unicorn12345]

I’m thinking she wants out of the relationship but doesn’t want to be the “bad guy” so she’s egging OP on to get him to reach his limit and end it himself.

[@kaykay8855]

@@unicorn12345 it could have. She could be cheating.

[@bollocks42o]

@@kaykay8855we do see a lot of projection in these reddit cheating stories… shes probably insecure because shes doing it herself

[@katie6731]

Much of the reason behind the wife's response comes down to how OP phrased his need for space and what tone he used. The wife asked how his day was. If his response was to harshly snap that he needed a break from her--remember, he'd _just_ gotten home after being away from her all day--then I can understand her hurt response. The same goes for him telling her to get out of his face, to stop nagging him, or demanding to know why he can't get a single moment of peace from her. However, it's entirely different if he told her that he wanted to talk about his day, but that he was beat and needed to shower and change, first. He could have said that he'd had a frustrating day, and needed a few minutes to decompress, so that he didn't take his bad mood out on her. He could have explained that he'd been talking all day, and needed a few minutes to rest his voice. OP didn't give the necessary information for us to understand the incident that started everything.

[@miminana-hd6nf]

@@kaykay8855 that is my thought, she is cheating on him and projecting.

[@anamcnamara9]

Hi Mark! Sorry 1:Ouch, fiancee did NOT have to take shots. They were having fun and joking he started throwing insults completely unprovoked! Edit: ah, he's an idiot, not a shock. Glad the immediate circle was kicked too because screw that.

[@themagicconch.804]

Let me validate OP here this isn’t something that’s petty her fiancé had no right to even go out of his way and talk to her like that that’s not cool if you love someone you shouldn’t wanna put them down like that. It’s gross also I bet she could pull anyone, it’s all about confidence op’s fiancé is a bum like what is the even he talking about, her friends and family yikes just yikes she’s use to constantly compromising and dealing with everybody’s issues, and being completely invalidated by everyone at the same time that’s sad. She deserves better. She should drop him like a bad habit, looking at this more it seems like a lot of people talk sideways to op and she’s just suppose to sit there and take it like he didn’t just insult her yikes.

[@SpookiCooki]

I think she's been emotionally abused for a long time. She isn't overly sensitive, she is being gaslit into thinking she is.

[@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh]

It's the friends fault tbh

[@robertx8020]

@@JuanRodriguez-tf7fh How! ?

[@Emi_TheWinged]

It's pretty telling that he is insecure about height, thinks "arrogan" as confident women are unattractive (you know since he wants a slave not a partner) and in turn should be punished. And it also checks that his behavor changed either from those friends or because he slipped the mask off. He gives "Alpha male" red flag vibe

[@jamieholland3853]

Do you not think the BF has feelings too and might not want to hear that she's having dreams about other men

[@owl7072]

Story 1: That sounds like a self own on the fiancé's part honestly Edit: He essentially insulted her appearance but she's overreacting??? Sounds like he's a little bitter she _~checks notes~_ had a dream about someone else and decided to put her down over it.

[@godzillakungfu]

Time to leave. Nope. Nope. Nope. Gave abuser vibes by killing her self esteem in the first comment and confirmed it in the update.

[@loganjoh1]

Story 1: the fact that OP’s mom and her closest “friends” were on the ex’s side is insane so glad OP cut the “friends” and went low contact with the mom.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

How can you NOT take it personally when your fiance tells you you're not attractive to other men?? Women, stop being "grateful" because a man dates you! Start believing that THE GUY is the lucky one to have you! There is nothing to be gained in life by hating on yourself!

[@ineedhoez]

Right? Just look at the animal kingdom. The males compete for the females' attention.

[@jakeand9020]

WRONG There's nothing to be gained in life by always thinking you can do/deserve better. Which is the only place thinking he (or she) is lucky to have you leads. The best long term relationship is when BOTH people think they are the lucky one. If you don't think you're lucky to have him, there's a problem. If he doesn't think he's lucky to have you, there's a problem. The reverse is true as well. If you think he's lucky to have you, there's a problem. If he thinks you're lucky to have him, there's a problem.

[@OpticalArxenal]

I don't believe anyone in a relaitonship should feel above or below the other. :/ It's unbalanced either way. Ofc you should feel secure and good with yourself, wanting to share your lives, but noone should feel like the OTHER person is the lucky or gracious one to have them.

[@tennesseedogpack]

Women have sex when they want to Me have sex when they can

[@Passions5555]

Thank you for giving a balanced take on this ​@@jakeand9020

[@alyzu4755]

Story 1: This is his way of keeping her self-esteem down so that she never leaves him. He's insecure, and it could turn ugly. Seems like her family and friends have a habit of putting her down, as well. If things "go back to normal" she will continue to be miserable . I really, really hope she can get away from ALL of them! I'm SO SICK of "You're too sensitive" and "You're overreacting". Especially after the person saying that has just hurled a nasty insult. Update: Yes! Good on OP for getting rid if all the AHs. Hopefully she'll someday go completely NC with her parents, as well.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: "If you need space then maybe we shouldn't be together" honestly maybe you shouldn't if you think a couple has to be together at every possible second in order for a relationship to work. I'm an introvert, I _need_ time alone to recharge and do my own thing for a bit before interacting with someone else. If i don't get that, i get very quiet and more reserved and essentially pull away regardless, which I've been called 'rude' for by the same people who insisted i interact _now_ rather than later. If you honest to god don't think your relationship can survive your partner doing something by themselves for just _a few hours_ then that's not a relationship, at least not a healthy one. Edit: So she antagonizes him then acts surprised and leaves when he snaps?

[@oompaloompa83]

Yeah, just listening to Mark reading that made my eye start to twitch. I can't stand it when I walk into a room and I'm "jumped". Even in the old AOL or Yahoo Messenger days, I used to set it to log in as invisible until I'd had some chill time.

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

When does SHE get time for herself? When does SHE get time to 'recharge'? When does SHE get time for HER interests? Oh, that's right, she doesn't. Yet he demands days for himself. He refuses, truly, to pull his weight with the housework. He wants to make her out to be the bad person, so he can divorce her, and walk away, with people thinking he is a hero. She deserves better.

[@owl7072]

@user-hk2fc4jv2g hey there's this insane concept of "Op asking for time to recharge means she gets to recharge too" but she's having a fit and immediately resorting to breaking up instead.

[@patdpm3807]

Story 2 My husband would come home from work mentally exhausted when his job would do audits or turn arounds. When he walked in the door I would ask if he needed to decompress and he would nod. I'd grabbed the cooler drop in an ice pack a water, beer and some crackers and cheese. Told him to change his clothes and go take a boat ride (we lived 800 ft from a marina and a river). Then as he was walking out the door I'd say supper is in 2 hours. He would come back relaxed and happy, needless to say he was grateful. Some people don't understand that some of us just need to decompress quietly.

[@handy-fy1bn]

Story 2: I don't think this is an introvert/extrovert thing. My husband is an extrovert and I'm the most introverted of introverts and we have been happily married for 26 years and going strong. I think the wife in this case has been actively looking for a way out of the marriage. She doesn't want to be the bad guy so she's looking for anything to pin the break down on her husband.

[@jeaniebee3657]

lol wtf, why is the wife the fishy one lol he snapped at a how was your day? lol are you so sure she wanted the out and not him? he didnt sound heart broken in the post. he said he may leave her for another woman...that doesnt come out of no where now does it? he insecurities about him leaving her for another woman doesnt come out of no where either now does it? reddit are so bias when it comes to women my gosh lol let all just ignore how froggy the OP was with a simple how was your day when he gets home lol yeah his wife just wanted out of the marriage good grief people.

[@Russman67]

Yeah this is way deeper than introvert versus extrovert. By the looks of it, the soon to be ex-wife was picking a fight and OP walked straight into it.

[@UnityBringer]

​@@jeaniebee36571. He didn't snap at her. He said he didn't feel up to it and needed some alone time. Which is valid and should be respected. 2. She brought up the cheating claims first. Not him, despite you framing it that way.

[@joshJC99]

@@jeaniebee3657she’s the fishy one because the moment he expressed that he’d like some personal time she flew off the handle into manipulation. That whole maybe they’re just not compatible bs was meant to make him feel bad for how he feels instead of trying to understand him she was basically saying if your not going to share your time with me the way I want then we shouldn’t be together. She screams immature, insecure and manipulative. OP sounds like a guy who’s just confused as to why his reasonable requests are suddenly resulting in him being the bad guy. And as to his response about her very obvious insecurities he admitted it was the wrong thing to say but I can understand because with her first round of bull I’d have told yeah I agree maybe we shouldn’t be together and there’s the door. Don’t try that emotional blackmail crap with me, it’s disrespectful and uncalled for in a mature relationship.

[@bug-in-a-rug]

@@jeaniebee3657people are allowed to have their own space. Are you the wife??? Is that why you’re defending her threatening to divorce him because he said he wished for some time alone?

[@madambutterfly1997]

You didn't emasculate him as far as I'm concerned you can't pick berries if there's nothing on the vine to begin with😂

[@bringmychariot]

I hope OP did send a thank you card to Adam Driver because I'm quite sure he'd not only love it but would be happy that he indirectly helped OP get out of a toxic relationship. 😂

[@stellamccoy5259]

I firmly believe that all couples need me time. I didn't mind if my husband went to spend time with family/friends alone. And he didn't mind if I did the same. When I was on active duty, I constantly needed me time. My marriage lasted 32 years before he passed.

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

SHE does not receive 'me time'. SHE does not receive time to 'decompress'. SHE does not receive time for herself. HE demands time for himself, but refuses to pull his weight with the housework. He says she is the 'lady of the house'. That's just his excuse to be lazy. He also cheated. She deserves a decent man, who DOES want to be around her, and not just for sex, and who can keep his trousers on.

[@GreenAirSheep]

Story 2: As an introvert myself, I'm surprised this is the first time this issue has come up. Op's wife is being extremely unreasonable. I get her daily routine is probably lonely for her but that means she needs to get out of the house more, join a zumba class or something. Wanting alone time to recharge your social batteries and decompress is perfectly normal and it sounds like OP explained that as best he could. She was downright hostile to him for a whole week, bringing up his rejection of one interaction each time he tried to spend time with her after, threatening divorce that first day and then accusing him of cheating or wanting to. It's no wonder he snapped, and while he could have said something better in the heat of the moment, what he said doesn't even sound that bad given how she had behaved. She needs to talk to a professional because there is clearly something going on with her.

[@peggyperkins208]

That first story... the dream thing... my partner and I would banter about ours if it was like a cheating thing, celebrity, or whatever. Dreams are dreams, but what he said... wow. That's a huge gut punch. Hope she got to send a thank you to her dream celebrity. And removes all those toxic people out of her life.

[@DaniS398]

When I was in my first serious relationship, I thought we had to spend time together all the time, was nervous about asking for things I needed/wanted, and stressed that every argument was the end of the relationship. My mom was a single mom, and I didn't know what a healthy relationship looked like. My bf (now husband) was super patient and understanding and I slowly learned its okay to have space in a relationship, and it is actually healthy.

[@skyelindsey687]

Yep. I’ve only ever been in 1 serious long term relationship. Didn’t know what a healthy one looked like either. Sure my fiancé and I have hit a few bumps but we both learned to recognize when we need that space/the other needs it. For example right now he’s playing Minecraft in our bedroom while I’m watching KZbin with my candle lit in the living room. And it took awhile to learn how much affection was too much but these past 5 years have been worth it.

[@CaptBrightside89]

Story 2: I am mindful we are only getting this from OP's perspective, but Lisa seems insecure and codependent. Neither of these traits are cute or healthy in a relationship. OP was not wrong for advocating for his needs and, sure, said something regrettable in a moment of frustration - a crime we are ALL guilty of from time to time. I would be interested in Lisa's perspective, but I'd very much struggle to maintain any type of relationship with a codependent person.

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

He wants to leave, but wants to make her out to be the bad person.

[@IrisAsuras]

Story 2: It is okay to want some alone time. What a terrible thing the wife put on the OP there and then his response was not good, but kind of understandable.

[@skyelindsey687]

Someone down here seriously tried saying a guy asking for space in the context of OP means they want out of the relationship. As someone who’s dated men I can say that that is false and I corrected them. Like seriously, anyone asking for some space does not mean that they want out of the relationship, just that they’re currently overwhelmed with the day and need space to collect their thoughts and unwind.

[@bjtaylor-j9w]

When a man says he wants 'space', he usually means he wants out. Also, he refused to give HER time for herself, for HER interests, for HER to rest and recharge.

[@IrisAsuras]

Um, what? He did not refuse to give her space. She didn't seem to want to have space.@@bjtaylor-j9w

[@TheArnaa]

Story 1: Fiancé: therapy made you cocky and demanding. Translation: you now call me out on my BS

[@TonySamedi]

If your partner tells you that you couldn't get anyone else, that's a sign to leave. Confidence is fine, being "we're lucky to have each other" or a PLAYFUL "you're lucky you found me" can be fine, but when they're telling you you're not worthy of them or couldn't go anywhere else, they're not someone to be with.

[@MisterNightfish]

Never put up with someone putting you down like that. That's not normal, that's not healthy, that's no basis for a relationship, let alone a marriage. Your wife/husband should be your biggest supporter and/or cheerleader. If they need to drag you down so they can feel better, they need to sort that out themselves.

[@GBunnyG]

Story 1 is so ridiculous. Also, tastes are tastes but Adam Driver is not an adonnis. She needs an entirely new circle. Family included.

[@amznmmdprncss]

My first thought was literally, "Adam Driver?!"

[@GBunnyG]

@@amznmmdprncss Right? Again, tastes are tastes, lots of people don't like Tom Hiddleston and he's my ultimate. But how WEIRD to act like such a whiny b about Adam Driver!!

[@mogulmade]

@GBunnyG Hands off Tom you!!! 😒🤣

[@GBunnyG]

@@mogulmade 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@LadyLark712]

Story 2: I’m totally going into total left field here but I wanted to mention that the introvert/extrovert stuff is really complex. Cause I remember not really understanding what the problem was with being by myself all the time.( I am pretty sure I’m a Hermit. By societies standards.) It’s not like I didn’t socialize. My mom was big into taking us out to social stuff. She sorta put me threw the social crucible as it were. It was all very much a good experience and I don’t regret it all. The thing is though… we didn’t really have a name for anti social person such as myself. It was very much a trail and error for everyone in my family. To a degree I blame tv shows and movies for a lot of the bad experiences in my youth. Cause as children we learn from what we see and understand and looking back on it. Those shows were in part terrible when it came to showcasing what an introvert actually was. They often make us out to be shy and incapable of understanding things like fashion. That we secretly want to be super popular or famous. When most (or some) of us actually find the thought horrific. That we secretly want to be just like our extroverted friends (generally best friend). I often wonder if part of the reason why a lot of extroverts (or false extroverts cause my mom for the longest time. Hadn’t realized she was an introvert too.) Aren’t able to understand introvert’s because unless they’re actively looking for answers they have no way to know what an introvert actually is. Which leads to this question… What if the wife misunderstood what her husband wanted. What if she thought he was asking for a “break “ from their relationship. Cause I could see that being the misconception. Like wanting alone time and taking a relationship “break “ are 2 very different things. One version can simply be achieved even while together. They’re still in the same house just being in separate rooms for the day. The other version is basically saying you want to take a step back from your relationship…

[@MazzaEliLi7406]

Being unsociable is not the same as being anti social. I am unsociable but help out around the community & oddly, feel as oppressed by buildings & trees as I do by a throng of people. I wish no harm on any one & people tell me really 'heavy' details about their lived experiences. I take it all on board even though it burdens my soul. Not everyone can afford a therapist & not every one has a religious mentor. Extrovert or introvert we all need to be each others keepers at least some of the time. Best wishes to all

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I'm so happy OP got rid of her scumbag ex. 😊 She deserves better. ❤ And I'm so happy therapy helped OP see the light. Without it, she would've been gaslit into staying, there's no doubt about it. I'm not surprised that OP didn't take long to grieve the loss and good riddance for those fake friends. I'm honestly more angry with OP's so called mother than I am with her fake friends. 😡 Mostly because OP can get better friends. Not only that, but this is HER MOTHER, who's supposed to LOVE and CHERISH her daughter and she's doing the complete opposite! It's like why would you have a child if you can't love and cherish them?! ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ She's lucky that her daughter didn't cut ties with her permanently.

[@natashahenry5044]

Story 2: I don’t some people are making excuses for the wife. She said, what said. She seems needy and co-dependent. What he said was very clear and unstandable. She sounds insecure and I don’t think he can fix that.

[@LadyWolvie82]

OP in that one, from what I've gathered in both posts (initial and update), likely struggles with both word choice and not knowing his audience. The need for a break can be and is interpreted differently between people. Some will get the gist, and others will see the need for a break as a break in the entire relationship, which the update proved her interpreting the request as the latter. Word choice, very surprisingly, matters in each and every conversation between people.

[@DanaG1970]

On the second story. The wife has possibly ruined her own marriage by being insecure. All OP did was ask for a few minutes to unwind and she’s taken it to mean he’s looking for someone else. She needs to learn that some times people need space, long relationships depend on being able to spend time alone or with other people to survive, being constantly joined at the hip is not healthy in most long time relationships.

[@BoxOKittens]

Story 1 is how people find out they've been surrounded by users since they were born. I'm sorry that OP has been raised around people who put them down. They've internalised it to the point of accepting it as normal, and I really hope they leave all of these a-holes behind.

[@Lordofthelosers01]

Story 2: the wife (soon to be ex-wife) seems to have some weird issues. We're missing a lot of context like was she always this petty or is she a train wreck waiting to happen? OP asked for some space and suddenly his wife starts questioning their entire relationship? He asked for space not a break. Here's a curveball question, has the wife gotten out of the house recently? She sounds completely mental but if we go with the outlook of she used to be completely normal then it's possible it's 1 of 3 things: 1. She's stayed in the house for far too long, may have developed a type of cabin fever. OP mentioned she's an extrovert so if she hasn't gone out and socialized some kind of paranoia may have developed (just a theory not a doctor) 2. She's gotten some really bad advice from others. Again it's really strange she went to questioning their relationship and then went to accusing OP of cheating. Where did tuese ideas cone from? 3. She might be cheating or looking for an excuse out of the relationship. We've seen other Reddit stories where a cheating spouse (either physically or emotionally) will start making petty remarks or do things that annoy the other.

[@Nicholem718-1]

OP’s fiancé is trying to crush her self esteem. I’d wager that once they’re married he’ll escalate and become abusive.

[@AlexxeMJFAN]

Story 1: OP, let me tell you this. Well done ! So proud of you, friend ! Your mom and "closest friends" are delusional and toxic for enabling your (ex) fiancé's disgusting and childish insults. This guy thinks that "bring OP back to earth" by saying that "she's not attractive and interesting anymore" and that "She won't leave him ever" while she was dreaming of Adam Driver by ACCIDENT.. Seriously, that's a major red flag... So insecure, jealous, childish and disgusting.. People who thinks that insulting/abusing their partners AND expecting/forcing the partners to stay with them are not only delusional, but also.. Sociopaths.. disgusting.. Again, well done OP for dumping his ass and moving on so fast! I'm so proud of you, girl ! ❤

[@thiccredgyal3404]

I bet if she stayed longer he would of been physically abusive.

[@AlexxeMJFAN]

@@thiccredgyal3404 Ikr ? That's also why i'm proud of her, she avoided a huge history of physical abuse that would've happen !

[@thiccredgyal3404]

@@AlexxeMJFAN this video makes me want to stay single forever ATM. I've been in her shoes 👠 .

[@amyalpin6251]

Ok, so...Did OP make it very clear to his wife what "some space" actually means? Like he was just thinking and hour, maybe? With the way she was wildly conjecturing, she may have been thinking more in terms of "take a break" as in... away from each other from an extended period of day, weeks, etc. That would be a very unfortunate but understandable mix-up that could cause even more understandings, like thinking he was cheating. At any rate, he's stuck his foot in it, now. If he can ever earn her trust back, they should consider sending her out to some sort of hobby or group once a week so he can stay home for some peace and quiet. Or he can get her a dog to walk when he gets home so she's out being active while he decompresses.

[@skyelindsey687]

He literally states he explained but she wouldn’t have it and kept on with the divorce threats and cheating accusations. Literally states it in the story what he meant by space.

[@LadyWolvie82]

​@skyelindsey687 - it comes down to how he worded it when he said it before going to Reddit. Not everyone will react the same way to the same sentence being said to them. He could have said something like, "Can you please give me a few moments to gather my thoughts?", as opposed to wanting a break as the ex most likely interpreted OP needing a break as a means to legally separate romantically. I think this is a case of communication issues with how things are worded.

[@sandeesandwich2180]

S2: Wait -- they both work full time, but she works from home and does almost all the housework? So she's at home alone all day and he comes home and says he wants a break? Plus he says that after she had asked him about his day -- she was not dumping on him, she asked him about his day. The language "I need a break" is so bad. Like, why does he not just go for a walk? Why could he not ask for something more specific than just "time without you". I would think maybe he is just horrible with words, but then he jumps right to "as soon as we split, I'm finding someone else!" This is not repairing the relationship language. The missing missing reasons here are stark.

[@SavagePassion666]

Maybe she could go for a walk or go outside for once instead of tying every social interaction to her husband.

[@LoveK1]

Yes, he needs a break. He’s interacting with people nonstop at his office. SHE’S the one who needs to get outside and she should do that. Good she sounds exhausting.

[@LadyWolvie82]

​@@LoveK1- I think it's the way he worded his need to 'take a break' that caused the ex to interpret it the way she did. The way one says things is more important than what was said. I'm an introvert like no one's business, and yet I understand that one can word things in way that people will badly interpret. In the update, Lisa interpreted his need for a break as a need to separate.

[@Swnsasy]

He showed himself to be an arrogant, self-centered and pompous AH.. What he said was very hurtful and a horrible thing to say to someone they love.. With the mother and friends like that I can now see why OP has a low self esteem.. I wake up, slobber dried to my cheek and gunk in my eyes and my husband always says I'm beautiful.. That did not sound playful at all, he doubled down and those on his side are calling OP sensitive is probably use to thinking this about her so they don't actually "hear" what she even said.. Eta: Adam Driver is a great actor and watching him on every SNL skit is just so damn hilarious!! Especially when he's the grandfather oil Barron I think with his crow😂😂😂

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I'm honestly more angry with OP's so called mother than I am with her fake friends. 😡 Mostly because OP can get better friends. Not only that, but this is HER MOTHER, who's supposed to LOVE and CHERISH her daughter and she's doing the complete opposite! It's like why would you have a child if you can't love and cherish them?! ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ

[@manjing5180]

Story 2 is screaming “I wanna break up but I don’t wanna be the bad guy” to me. Either that or she’s cheating, or so insecure that it’s wild they’ve never argued like this before.

[@LadyWolvie82]

There's quite a bit info missing on S2 that OP left out.

[@autumn557]

Don’t settle for someone that takes you down. You need a partner that lifts you up.

[@TopazFire15]

Story 2: poor OP, he’s blaming himself for trying to have a healthy relationship that isn’t codependent. He’s been worn down by Lisa quite a bit if he doesn’t realize how unnatural it is to feel bad about needing alone time.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: "He told me it was irrelevant because we were together and I wouldn't leave him..." Me: Challenge accepted! ..."and to stop being offended over something I asked." Gaslighting! You DIDN'T ask. HE made an obscure, unsolicited comment and you asked for clarification on what he meant. You did NOT ask him to rate you, or anything like that. He, his family, and your friends (?! Were they his friends first?) agreed? They are abusive: crushing your self-esteem so that you don't think you deserve to be treated better than this. Pull a reverse-Uno on him and tell him you wouldn't dream of holding him back to find someone worth his full potential, give him his ring back, and block them all. My husband is absolutely out of my weight class (he looks like Geralt from The Witcher). He gets hit on constantly, and I get side-eyed where people are obviously wondering what he's doing with me, to the point that, when we were at the hospital for me to give birth to our firstborn, a nurse walked by him, did a double-take, looped around and walked by a few more times! But if ANYONE were to tell me or him that I was beneath him, he'd rip them a new asshole. THIS is the kind of love and loyalty you deserve. S2: You told her what you needed, and she...got mad and started making accusations? And then kept throwing it in your face even after you talked about it? Giving you the cold shoulder? She's toxically co-dependent, and doesn't care about your feelings so long as she gets her needs met. Unfortunately for you, your needs (occasional space) and her needs (you, every spare second of the day) were clashing. There is no compromise to be had in "I need space;" she either gives it to you, or she doesn't. Or, I guess in your case there is a third option: gives it to you, but makes you feel like shit every time spending time together is brought up. My husband and I are both introverts, but prefer spending time with each other over other people. I'm a little more clingy than he is lol, but I know when he needs his space, and I give it to him.

[@robinronin]

Story 1: The absolute funniest part about this story is that the fiance likely had the intention of destroying her self-esteem so she would never leave him... and it backfired on him because he hadn’t broken her spirit as much as he thought he did yet 😂

[@logirl1975]

So now that she's getting therapy and learning to stand up for herself she's getting uppity and needs to be brought down to Earth? Wow, abusers seldom make it that clear that they're abusers.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

Story number one: My goodness. The fiance obviously is a narcissist and liked having a subservient woman. He repeatedly dashed her self-esteem, devalued her feelings a.k.a calling them non-issues, deflected, projected, gaslighted, emotionally manipulated and blackmailed her all in the name of supposedly keeping her humble because therapy helped her reacquire her self-worth? She's absolutely right that the proverbial mask slipped and he isn't at all who she thought he was. She's not the one who threw away a five year relationship: it was him. What she's referring to as the slipping of the mask is the disintegration of his false self. The person that she thought she loved never existed in the first place. Some people can keep the phony act up for decades. It is quite fortunate that she got to see who he truly is before she said I do and had children with him. There's nothing worse than being forever linked to a an emotionally abusive control freak through children that never asked to be born.

[@truthseeker9249]

Story 2: This gave me flashbacks. OP's wife sounded just like my emotionally abusive ex with all her whiny bullsh*t. Every time I wanted alone time or even in general any time we disagreed on something he would question our relationship or talk about doing something to himself or outright THREATEN to and I would be crying and begging him over the phone not to do anything and apologizing profusely. Even if I wasn't the one in the wrong. Lather, rinse and repeat. The best thing OP can do is let her go. This relationship is over and she's not worth a dime. But when he actually calls her bluff and decides to leave her she'll go completely nuts (maybe even lie and pretend to be pregnant to manipulate him into staying with her. Good thing it wasn't possible for my ex to do that to me.) Again, I've seen it all before. I'm sure one day he'll find someone better. He just has to believe that.

[@momop1848]

Story 2: The fact that OP's wife works from home is glossed over way too quickly and casually. She was probably lonely, especially if she's usually extroverted. OP still needs his space. But it doesn't sound like there was an attempt to understand *why* his wife was so clingy. My vote before the update would have been NAH because of the poor communication. Neither spouse was getting their needs met, and they probably needed a neutral party to help them communicate better. But OP really let things spiral in the update and, to me at least, turned into an asshole. Their needs should have been equally important, and that would have required communication and compromise. Now, he's got all of the alone time he needs. I hope they're able to work things out, but they'll need help.

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

yeah my sympathy and understanding op faded the moment he made that comment to her...like thats not something you say to your partner even if theyre being the most annoying person alive

[@kiarar.1219]

That’s crazy. Okay that they have different needs, they still have to be respected. I’m in no way saying that the last thing OP said was right, he did messed up. However, the wife blew everything out of proportion. Silence treatment and guilt tripping just because he expressed his needs. She needs help because that’s not normal. I understand why she craves interaction, but that doesn’t excuse the way she acted. He was an asshole as a result of her reaction to a very reasonable request. It’s better for them to break up if she can’t understand to respect her partners needs and if they both don’t know to communicate or compromise.

[@SavagePassion666]

To me she sounded petty and insufferable. Working out the house doesn't mean she can't go outside or have a social life outside of him. And the pissy responses to him trying to make any positive connection just made me wish he'd cut the cord faster on this fucking whiner.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

I don't get the wild conclusions that Reddit jumped to. OP mentioned that they'd been together _more than usual_ due to the holidays, yet Reddit jumped to her being clingy and joined with him at the hip. Yet the whole thing started with her asking him about his day because, you know, she fucking cares and he tells her that he needs a break from her. _He's_ the one saying that he's losing his sanity being around her, but that just got ignored. He could have politely answered her question and then told her that he would like some time to decompress. His need wasn't wrong, but his attitude is. He was _shocked_ that his wife didn't respond to his essentially telling her to leave him alone when she greeted him by being cute and loveable. It also doesn't sound like OP tried to talk to her or apologise for the way he went about things, he just tried to pick up and spend time with her as he wanted like nothing happened and again, was butthurt that she wasn't cute and adorable about it.

[@LoveK1]

Then that’s her responsibility to get out the house and meet up either her friends and do stuff. It is not your partners job to fulfill EVERY need you have. It’s not fair and that’s a huge burden. That’s a her problem.

[@83gemm]

“I have a long history of being super sensitive.” I bet you don’t. I bet the absolute shitbags in your life just convinced you you do. Like say… any time you told them they hurt you or you tried to set a boundary? This is so infuriating. The “you can’t leave me because you’ll never get anyone else,” is Page One of the Abuser’s Handbook. Screw that, it’s probably in the Introduction. It’s TEXTBOOK. And yet everyone in OP’s life told her she’s wrong. Not just, “Oh, he probably didn’t mean anything by it,” which is bad enough, but “This is your fault for how you feel.” Disgusting.

[@madambutterfly1997]

He's a POS for saying that about you even if he is insecure about you moving on from him should you ever break up

[@czmAvery]

Whenever anyone says, "So what, you're with me and you won't leave" IS ALWAYS an ABUSIVE red flag.

[@only1one1me]

Story 2: Extroverts who just can't understand, or don't bother to try to understand introversion/alone time, piss me off. I and another girl were chosen as room moms for our college to a dorm room of about 6 other girls. They chose us because I was the most introverted person they knew, and she was the most extroverted. They hoped we would balance each other out. They admitted it would "either go really well or really horribly" but because we were good people, they hoped it would go well. It went extraordinarily well. We both could reach and connect with the girls on different levels and in different ways, and she understood my need to heck off into the woods for a while. And then....I meet extroverts who see the need for personal space as a personal attack on them, and have no respect for the lifestyles of someone different to them. No compromise, even though I compromise on the daily. Of course, it could also be that she's been wanting an "out" for a while, and chose this as an opportunity to make OP the bad guy. Either way, she's selfish.

[@BNezzy]

great personal story. I agree that the whole introvert/extrovert dynamic is very complex. I often find that extroverts tend to be more ignorant of introverts needs and introverts are often too compromising. I wonder if its because extroverts tend to be more confident and generally part of the popular groups while introverts are generally the opposite.

[@InDeathWeLove]

S2: She is either insecure to a toxic level or cheating while he is away at work and projecting. Neither are good and are good reasons to end things.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Yea this sounds like mix-trovert marriage. I am a monster if I don't get my alone time. I hope she just took offense to what he didn't mean as offensive. She might have seen it as rejection. There's no one I'll ever love in this world enough that I don't need alone time. Who could blame that guy for wanting to hang with Mark 🤣 That update escalated quickly. Get a divorce. She's not the one. When people understand each other introverts and extroverts can coexist. But, she's not trying to understand. She might be having an affair and trying to make OP dump her so she's not the bad guy

[@rebelks88]

I was wondering if she was pregnant at first but the escalation on both sides from that update made affair make more sense.

[@kateworkman921]

I've seen a lot of comments saying affair on her side, or that she was just looking for a way out of the relationship. I can see where you/they are coming from, but I'm not sure I agree. I think she was just used to the status quo of spending pretty much every second together. When someone's used to that, and not used to someone else putting up boundaries/expressing their needs, the reaction is absolutely going to be on the extreme side. Plus, it doesn't sound like she's a very healthy person in a relationship, (seriously, have you ever seen a relationship where people spend every second together that's actually healthy?) so with that addition, going straight to the conclusions she jumped to make perfect sense. But yes, agreed, OP should absolutely divorce her. The fact that she left rather than having a conversation about things would be enough for me.

[@Davtwan]

“Stop being offended over something [she] asked?” No no, buddy. It’s her being offended on how you answered.

[@TheIronwil]

Need a Break From Wife: NTA. I can understand this. I had a girlfriend that I lived with… briefly. She wanted to stay up late every night talking about things in life that bothered her. The problem is that I had to get up early and she didn’t. After I told her I was no longer staying up all night talking, she’d lay there and cry. So I said, OK, let’s talk. We talked into the night, and when I woke up, I woke her up and made her actually get up with me. Kept her up while she was blinking and unhappy. She let me sleep after that. What is up with OP’s wife? She thinks they shouldn’t be together if he needs some alone time here and there? Then leave her. That’s nuts. OP’s wife sounds like a head case. How did they even get married without coming across this issue?

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

her reaction was strange af. either the wife is sick in the head or op is leaving out details...

[@sarah.5524]

​@@ohboy-zi1yf he explains it as needing a break from people in the post, but says he needs a break from his wife but that his friends are ok to be around in a response to someone.

[@LadyWolvie82]

​@@sarah.5524- he could have worded it better, though. How things are said is more important than what was said, as no two people will react the same way to the same things being said. Asking if you can be given a few moments/minutes as opposed to needing a break is a world of difference.

[@MMKMoore1]

Story 1 - update - So ex was feeling insecure about the fact that OP was healing and gaining confidence? Good riddance! I work at a male-dominated company in a male-dominated industry, and none of the men I work with would even think anything close to what came out of the ex's mouth. And his childishness after they broke up? Yikes! Story 2 - Yeah, I think there's more to the situation. Asking for time to decompress after a hard day is not an unreasonable request. Her reaction was way out of proportion. But then OP had to put his foot in it, and she doubled down! I wonder if she's cheating, because cheaters often over react and project....

[@charitynordstrom5734]

First dude probably wasn't even good looking on top of being short😂

[@Dustin81]

Story 2: That outburst was right on the money. If she keeps acting like a child having a temper tantrum, he will just divorce her and find someone not so insecure.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Thankfully we're going to be able to save my tooth. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 There was a new hygienist this time but she was so sweet just like everyone else there. They can pretty much always squeeze you in the same or next day. Thankfully there's a ton of soft food here. Might make some mashed potatoes tomorrow. Not that I need an excuse to eat potatoes 😌🤣🥔 Hope everyone is having a lovely day

[@Greenwren]

Mmmm...cheesy mashed potatoes 🤤 now I'm hungry 😂 Happy about your tooth, the dentist is never fun but a good one is worth their weight in gold

[@skyelindsey687]

How quickly she thought of divorce/cheating makes me think she’s cheating on him and has been contemplating leaving him for her affair partner.

[@madambutterfly1997]

Why couldn't she go scorched Earth with her mother like she did with the fake friends why go low contact instead of no contact

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I think for some people, it's really hard to cut family out of their lives. It may look easy from an outsider's point of view, but it's always easier said than done. I'm not saying you're wrong. Far from it, you're absolutely right about OP's so called mother deserving no contact as well, I'm just saying for some people it can be really hard to cut ties with family.

[@keepdancingmaria]

Someone: Has a literal dream. Someone's SO: Pissy Mode-ACTIVATED!

[@xlayerscience9966]

Hope you’re doing good mark, Much Love from Canada!

[@sonialinsey8083]

S2: Run. I need alone time. A lot of it. My husband is loud, chatty and energetic. I love him but he’s the type to even talk to you through the bathroom door while you’re having a poo because he’s so excited about the topic. Some people don’t care but I do. We have learned half a day is the max we can go without me being exhausted.

[@bonnie.f]

If someone doesn't like who you are when you're in therapy, it says more about them than it does about you.😊

[@lisaleyes8508]

It is odd that the MOST insensitive people label others as TOO sensitive.

[@keanufryer8181]

I think the 2nd story the wife is self sabotaging like f*ck. No well adjusted adult is going to go that far in terms of reacting to their spouse saying they want some alone time. To me it sounds like she’s codependent to a degree. I am like this guy and need my own space so some days I spend all my time just to myself and my girlfriend comes and goes just popping in every now and again. OP’s wife either wants to break up or they’re doing so much self sabotaging that they’ll end up with a self fulfilling prophecy.

[@huskytail]

Someone telling me I'd not be capable of pulling someone attractive? My answer would be "watch me".

[@impagain]

No offense, I am an Adam Driver fan. But like... if we're ranking solely on conventionally attractive looks, Adam Driver isn't that hard to "pull"? He's not conventional at all.

[@streamerssaymyname]

S2 makes little sense. OP comes home, wife gives normal greeting and asking how his day is and he just automatically says she's annoying him and he wants a break from her? What was work then? He got to be out and socialize all day without her while she was stuck at home. If he wanted a bit of quiet he could have taken a break before coming home instead of expect to not be greeted - but I bet if she didn't greet him it'd be "she doesn't even care if I'm home or not" UPDATE - "If you keep this up I will cheat on you!" wtf. OP hates when she gives him space and reject his attempt to connect when he first rejected her attempt to connect (the greetings he needed a break from) Dude doesn't value his wife's time or feelings and is all about himself.

[@sadtitties222]

Story 2: NTA. Personally, I can't be with anyone who refuses to let me be alone to myself. I'm a classic introvert, so I definitely need alone time to recharge and to do things that I would not be comfortable enough doing in front of others. Plus, I actually like my own company, so I have no issues with being alone. If I had a partner that thought that we have to be together 24/7 in order for the relationship to work then we just need to break up right then and there. I will not sacrifice my alone time for anyone. I'm not surprised that the OP finally snapped.

[@Marion-sb9gs]

Dream story: fiancé just used a sledge hammer to knock OP down

[@jeancarbonneau6966]

In story 2, OP isn't the asshole here. When he made his request for alone time from his wife, she jumped straight to divorce. Then, in the update, she went to accusations of him cheating. Those 2 things tell me that his wife is unfaithful. She used the request as her way out of the relationship with him. OP better get his stuff in order because he will be served with divorce papers from his wife. Go see a lawyer. OP isn't the asshole here.

[@trysta2000]

Was thinking the same thing. She is either very insecure or cheating and projecting.

[@coreymartin6486]

I literally laughed when ex said OP's dream was disrespectful.......as if she had any control over it. The truth is thst the ex felt threatened because of a dream and tried secure a relationship, which already should be secure, by belittling OP into thinking that he was her only option.

[@Andrea.S.Alvey12]

Story 2: I *think* Op's wife might have gotten stuck on his word choice. When I hear 'I need a break,' I hear 'temporary separation.' I wonder if things would have been a non-issue or less of an issue had he said 'I need a bit of ''me time to decompress. Will you please give me X minutes, time to recalibrate my brain? I'm all yours after that.'' I hope they can talk with a professional (someone who is trained and licensed, not some self appointed counselor by default because - church). I think wife heard words people may think are fishy/fishing for a chance at new, and panicked.

[@toothless3835]

I mean, it depends on the context. "I need a break." could mean "I need to go upstairs and take a nap," Or after you're done with work, or duing work, or when you're working on something. "Why don't you take a break." "can I have a bit of space. Give me a second" is in those same lines. follow up questions need to be asked. "Like for the relationship or you need a nap?" Not jumping to "you don't want to spend time with me" and then suddenly accusing of cheating.

[@SofieAndMe]

Extroverts are so exhausting & they don't realize how draining they truly are. I often request to work alone (as much as possible) at one of my jobs because I work with several extroverts AND trauma dumpers. As an introvert, this causes so much stress. There is no way I could then come home to the human equivalent of a hyper, yappy dog. 😱

[@bethanygee6939]

I've NEVER been this early to a video! Much love, Mark!!! ❤❤❤

[@aduckofsomesort]

That is, by definition, personal. He wasn’t some random dude on the Internet.

[@huinismith]

Hey hey, King Waffle and Poppy!

[@judev3197]

Story 1: “dreaming with people taller than him is disrespectful & emasculating” WTF? He is so controlling that he actually thinks you should be able to control your dreams. He’s not only gross & cruel but delusional as well. OP I was so happy to get to the end of your story to hear how you dumped him. You do you Queen & go pull those hunky guys. And don’t make it a dealbreaker but if you could end up with someone really tall, that would be so good. Ps I didn’t know who Adam Driver was but I googled & yeah, he’s good looking. You have good taste. Well except for your lapse in judgement with your ex lol 😂 😝

[@maryclaar4629]

Second story: she's cheating, and is feeling guilty.

[@HonorWillow]

Story 1: OP’s been gaslit their entire life :(

[@Daydream_N]

People think Adam Driver is attractive??

[@destinedtogame]

Yeah a few million.

[@wowplasmatics]

Story 2: how do people make it so far into a relationship without understanding the space that their partners need? My SO and I have been together for close to 4 years and he knows I need a ton of space, and he's great about respecting that.

[@skyelindsey687]

Same here. 5 years in and living together and fiancé and I give each other space to unwind before bombarding each other with questions. It’s not that difficult to learn when a partner needs space.

[@madambutterfly1997]

What the hell is wrong with you? Of all people why Adam Driver. He's a phenomenal actor but he's a 6 out of 10 at best in terms of good looks imo

[@ruthsaunders9507]

That one had me confused. He ain't much in the looks department but if her boyfriend has a hang up about height that's a whole other story.