I Setup 2 Friends And One Of Them Catfished Me To Test Me r/Relationships

[@lauraanderson8785]

I find it disturbing that George accused Emily of cheating in front of everyone, fully knowing the truth that he was actually the one who sent the texts. What was the point of that? He didn't want to own up to what he did so he thought that it would be better to put all the blame on Emily, and let OP and OP's wife think that Emily is a cheater who tried to seduce a married man. Plus he would've gotten to play the victim

[@Pinki_315]

Also married man (OP) made a disgusting joke about Emily paying for her stay by vacuuming. Barf

[@happyfrigginrainbowcookies]

​@@Pinki_315no he didnt

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

This is becoming a pattern for Emily... attracting a/holes. She needs therapy to work out why she's accepting bad behaviour from her partners. My heart breaks for her but she's the only person that can do the work. 😢

[@johnbradbury8610]

The last comment about Op apologizing to Emily was ridiculous. It sounds like something George would post or emily.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

​@@judelbugsrutter6727People like Emily are hard to love. How many times is Op doupposed to put up with being dumped and ignored and treated like they don't exist? Every time she gets a new boyfriend she drops him. And that's just going to continue to happen. How long is he supposed to put up with it? For the rest of his life? No Emily's behavior is not okay. Sorry you don't get to treat people like they're disposable regardless of what you're going through. She's an adult and she keeps putting her own self in these situations. It's on her to get the help she needs and not expect her to be able to drop and treat everyone around her like trash and have them still come running every time she says so. This is the second time it's happened. So this is a pattern for her and we all know it's going to happen again

[@hi_stranger9156]

*"Emily is fairly certain he never cheated on her but she out loud laughed when she found out he's romantically living together with a long time friend 3 months after the breakup."* That’s why he was so intimidated by OP because he had strong feelings for a long time friend and assumed OP did too. It’s like how cheaters are always convinced the other person is cheating and is constantly calling them out and trying to catch them. It sounds like Emily was very young when she ended up with what sounds like a much older abusive man; she’s probably very stunted in her emotional growth and her normal meter is probably broken hence her ending up in a similar relationship again. Along with the university degree it would have been great if she looked into therapy as well, this is not something that gets fixed itself

[@laurag502]

it’s always projection 🥲

[@ZombieSazza]

And if you’ve been in an abusive domestic relationship you’re always told to stay single for a while and to work on yourself, this way through therapy and accessing mental health tools can teach you this isn’t normal behaviour, and you need to take a long time just by yourself learning to live yourself and feeling confident in your own skin.

[@ariagnyug]

​@laurag502 not always. Sometimes it's previous trauma that you can't let go of. Most of the time, though, I'd agree.

[@AndyyWithAY]

If Emily has not gotten therapy, she desperately needs it. When you don't work on yourself and get therapy if needed, you constantly attract the wrong people. Case in point George after the abusive ex. Wild that the abusive ex acted somewhat heroically. Comparison is the thief of joy. It's so easy to compare your station in life to contemporaries esp if they're the same age. But, that will only make things harder. She needs to get therapy and run her own race

[@Swnsasy]

That's what I'm saying to. She's the common denominator and she will have to learn and get the strength to see that. When she does and comes out of the fog, then tell her she needs therapy YESTERDAY to get self worth..

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

All of this! Spot on. If someone refuses to get therapy they desperately need them I find them at fault, if only partially

[@gmun2248]

I'm seeing this a lot. Obviously I don't know where these comments are coming from, but in the UK therapy is not as common as in the US. It's really only available on the NHS for extreme situations - and there is a waiting list, you probably have to ask your doctor for it, or a doctor has to recommend it - and then refer you. Privately, it's not cheap & it's also not a cultural thing to look for something Privately here. It's beginning to change, but the UK is WAY behind the US in terms of mental health treatment availability, in my experience. (Have lived in both countries.)

[@happyfrigginrainbowcookies]

Yall need to learn not everyone can afford it. Someone living paycheck to paycheck most likely can't.

[@johnbradbury8610]

Yeah, but Op should not waste his life waiting for her to come to her senses. George showed her who he was, and Emily chose to ignore it. These stories don't always have happy endings.

[@devchekhov7512]

Financial independence mixed with high self-confidence is a great preventative measure against staying trapped in abusive relationships. Some people in the comments section don't know how abusers work or what it's like to be in the control of another. Abuser start off being very charming and do and say all the right things. When they get comfortable and have their victim dependent on them to fulfill their needs, the mask slips and now it's lockdown. Have empathy for victims--they need that more than callous judgment.

[@keythealien]

I'm over the empathy. Plenty of other people have that for people like this. When you get burned enough times by a victim, you start losing sympathy real quick. Why is it okay that I get to be hurt over and over and I just have to get over it, but the person who hurt me isn't to blame because they were being abused? Why is it okay to treat someone else like a convenience because you're getting manipulated? So it's not their fault? They aren't in control of themselves? Well, they better get that killing spree out of the way while they're with their abuser because the courts can't hold it against them; they weren't right in the head! Can't blame them! It's the abuser's fault or something! Accountability? What's that? 'callous judgement', shove it. There are so many resources for these people. I used to feel bad, but now I'm just angry about it. I didn't get empathy; I got abandoned on my birthday at the peak of my depression because my friend's pos boyfriend called crying that they needed to make up pronto. And he chose the asshole. I will not empathize. I can't. I would never do that to someone I cared about. Why does he get a pass but I need to be empathetic?

[@MusicalCreativity]

​@@keythealien For the same reason you clearly need therapy.

[@devegas4910]

Story 1: NTA. Emily can’t tell op to stay out of it because George DRAGGED HIM IN IT!!!

[@geminigenu]

That second update was chilling. What kind of partner asks their spouse’s abusive ex for pointers on how to control them? Just sick.

[@MisterNightfish]

Emily is a textbook example of why having self-esteem is so important. If she had that, none of her issues would ever have happened. She puts up with people treating her like shit and just tries to keep the peace. If she thought she could do better, she would never allow this. Those are things everyone has to take care of themselves.

[@ladyv5655]

The way I have explained it to a lot of people, if there weren't so many women with low self esteem, so many guys would never get to have s*x with a woman.

[@RisetoStrength]

Why would she have self-esteem when she can't look after herself?

[@MisterNightfish]

@@RisetoStrength If she had self esteem, she would be able to look after herself. Look at how many years she's "wasted" just glomming on to people who end up abusing her. You can't tell me she couldn't have made something of herself in that time if she thought she was worth it. Even if she doesn't go to university as she is going to now, apparently. Who cares about that? Lots of people live great lives without a degree, that's just another external thing she's reaching for because she thinks it will fill the void inside her, but it won't.

[@RisetoStrength]

@@MisterNightfish Hubris is a common problem these days.

[@catT5236]

Emily needs to go to therapy. It's great she's starting to stand on her own two feet, but I'm concerned that she's looking to appease future abusers saying OP can't pay for drinks etc. If she's concerned about taking responsibility for herself she could start by apologising to OP for dropping him twice. I know she was in abusive relationships but the fact remains she did abandon her childhood friend who has always been there for her. Just because there are extenuating circumstances it doesn't mean we shouldn't take responsibility for our actions. This is now a pattern, not just with OP but Emily being dependent on an abuser & isolated. She needs to explore that in therapy.

[@Legless_Orphan]

I used to be an Emily. Didn't go to therapy, but recognized people aren't as special and unique as we would like to believe, and abusers especially say and do very similar things, so I see a shit person a mile away. Emily, in the last part of the story, sounds like a teenager trying to convince everyone around her that she's grown. Christ, if someone paid a bill I forgot/or couldn't pay, the last thing I'd do would be offended by that.

[@kieramaccourt8717]

As a DV survivor I can honestly say that ALL persons who have been in a DV/DA situation need therapy! Good for Emily trying to turn her life around! Good for OP supporting her in making the good decisions to becoming better equipped to stand on her own two feet. HOWEVER, Emily has some deep seated insecurities and other concerns. She should be in therapy to help her build self-confidence and self-worth.

[@kawaibakaneko]

Stupid question: What's DV/DA? Google is unhelpful

[@kieramaccourt8717]

@@kawaibakaneko Domestic violence/Domestic abuse

[@SkyEcho751]

I don't think it's that the Ex is a "Better man" per se, I think it's more that the Ex knows fully well the two(OP and Emily) had 0 romantic relationship and can't understand why George would want to separate them.

[@strawberrysangria1474]

It's easier to point out George's bad behaviour, than it is to address and fix his own. He has no emotional attachment to the situation like Emily and George do.

[@mulqueen2023]

I'm remembering a line from It by S.K, it was from the abusive husband's POV. I remember him saying how he'd saw his wife for the first time, how she gave off a wounded gazelle aura, and it was how he knew he could mentally control and manipulate her, because he could sense this weakness in her from her own father's abuse. It's such a wild but real thing that many do, especially men, they'll target woman who've already been harmed by other men, and use the trauma to further cement their own hold and claws into the woman into staying. The imagery itself has stuck with me, with the predatory behaviour of some men, how they like to play the white knight role while concealing their true snake-like mask.

[@SCP01986]

They truly disgust me.

[@InDeathWeLove]

No not especially men. People in general. There are plenty of women who are abusers too and they do the exact same thing. Look for someone who seems like they have a weakness then target it to make them and keep them vulnerable.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

Jealousy is NEVER a good excuse for crappy behavior. It is not romantic and it does not “prove how much they love me”, it’s an infection that will cause a relationship to fester and grow necrotic. A little jealousy is natural because fear of losing your partner is natural, but you need to address it and work through it, NOT feed into it.

[@kristenhlady4079]

The only good thing emilys ex did was telling her mom about the abuse that was going to come from the new boyfriend. The whole situation is goddamn awful. I hope emily gets into a better place and is safe ❤

[@Davtwan]

It was like he asked a fellow abuser for tips on isolation. Even the ex thought that was messed up. Just wild lol. 😂

[@Wander85942]

I don’t know how to explain but it’s like a scent you are unknowingly give off. It attracts people who want to continue hurting you and know full well you are not healed enough to think you deserve better. It takes work and willingness to break the cycle.

[@sylviajones6745]

Ikr, I always thought I had the word Sucker on my forehead that only losers could see, lol

[@Ashakat42]

Story 1: For the love of waffles, do not tell OP not to let his sisters know what's going on. This leaves the door wide open for him to be made into the bad guy. I'm not saying that he needs to rally the troops, but he definitely needs to let the facts be known so that this sack of mullock can't use this as an opening to take more of an advantage.

[@tabytha7636]

The chances of Emily's relationships just repeating itself is so high still cuz all of them think Oh yeah, focusing on everything other than the relationship issues of her life will magically fix everything 🙃🙃🙃

[@owl7072]

Is it really "manipulative" if what you're doing is trying to get an outside source to help someone see that they're stuck in a really toxic relationship?

[@KnucklesxReala911]

Like in the most technically and to the book text description yeah but in pretty much any normal person logic i would say not, thats like saying a parent is controlling for telling a teen to not drink/text and drive, yeah em is an adult but come on, on taht situations that shouldnt count as controlling

[@jusminejustice2794]

No, but an abuser will use that to manipulate the victim into believing they're trying to break them up and convince them into cutting them off.

[@owl7072]

@@jusminejustice2794 very good points from you and the other person 🤔

[@helenhmcdominick8278]

To sum up both answers, which are correct: From motive and intended effect, it's not manipulative. But with the situation as it was, the victim (who is already leaning in favor of their abuser) might see it as manipulative. Clarification for manipulative (in my own opinion), because technically we all manipulate situations in life. You could just trick a kid into doing something and it's technically manipulation, after all 'something' could range from cleaning dirty plates to staying in an empty house all night. What matters is the motive and the intended effects.

[@owl7072]

@@helenhmcdominick8278 love the genuine discussion going on in these replies 🙏🏻 /gen

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

Imagine complaining that you have people in your life to help you. I couldn't even dream of having a real older brother to help me, let alone a found one.

[@piiinkDeluxe]

Same

[@aylanae4797]

Why not get therapy/ life coaching... I get why OP feels bad but why he's being asked to apologize for another persons actions, especially after he alerted Emily to the a*use when it first started. Emily should take some personal responsibility; I'm sorry I'd be hesitant to want to deal with Emily without her getting some help. Edit: she wants to be independent of you but runs to you for support and now you're helping woth housing? So she chose to get un a relationship move in with guy with no financial backup she's exhausting ..

[@impagain]

Me, a Mormon, trying to figure out why tf OP buying cinema tickets for his wife and sister would make him "Secretly Mormon", and then realizing about a paragraph later: 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[@Jeremy-The-Bullfrog]

Interesting turn with the ex getting involved. Here is my take: abusers don't always typically know they are being abusive. It's usually easier to pick that kind of stuff up from the outside. He could have turned over a new leaf, he could not have. He just noticed something was wrong and did something about it.

[@MsTemptation]

Emily found out the hard way why it’s important to support yourself financially instead of jumping from living with your parents then your husband without establishing some form of financial independence. It took two abusive relationships for her to get a clue. Op was also a problem because she knew that he would also be there for her financially. Anyway better late than never is better than repeating the same mistakes over and over again while expecting a different outcome. Learning to love yourself is the greatest gift to one’s self.

[@piiinkDeluxe]

I doubt she's actually there. She needs therapy, or the 3rd abuser is already lurking around the corner.

[@MiraTheWarlock]

Emily's ex is the textbook example of Schrodinger's abuser Has he truly reformed? We don't know Did he simply not want anyone else able to control the woman he failed to control? We don't know that either

[@rylashadow18]

Reddit George is supposed to be a fully grown man. Which means he's responsible for his actions, his choice's and his behavior. Not OP. I'm just glad Emily's safe. Regardless of the reason why her ex said what he said it helped open her eyes.

[@nataschavanzanen]

Wait a minute. George knows the ex was abusive. At least, he was told so, and accepted it as fact. He accuses OP of being just like that, as a reason for Emily to break off contact with him. Because she shouldn’t have men like that in her life. But contacts the abusive ex, to ask how he went about abusing Emily, so that he could take a page from his book and give it a go? What? Mate, if you are THAT insecure about a friendship, either you are the problem, or you have a partner that does indeed wish they were with someone else. Either way, you don’t manipulate, catfish and gaslight them into breaking off that friendship. You leave to either work on your self esteem, or find someone who respects and prioritizes you. Whichever applies.

[@jiggly18]

People subconsciously recreate relationship patterns all the time . I find it so interesting that even a friend/brother was part of perpetuating this pattern.

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

This story was just frustrating to hear. It feels like everyone directly involved has failed at one thing or another. They all need therapy! The whole lot of them.

[@topperDL]

Man Emily has been through a lot but she IS a lot, as a friend I would hope op distances himself from her, even with him doing nice things for her, he's always going to be a scapegoat,she can't seem to take responsibility for anything

[@ginathecookie]

I've seen worse. Actuallt the worse is just plain bad compared to this which really isn't. The fact you would go there when they're taking healthy steps is concerning. OP IS taking emotional steps back. So is Emily, they are trying for a less dependent friendship. Should Emily be in therapy? Absolutely But this isn't a lot for OP. This is just a lot _for you._

[@InDeathWeLove]

@@ginathecookie She is living with him. That's not emotional steps back for a less dependent friendship. That's not something I would do for anyone but my direct family members, not friends.

[@Ashbrash1998]

​@InDeathWeLove But like OP explained they are LIKE FAMILY but they did make plans for her.to become more independent so she isn't always going to live with him.

[@deusdamnit]

Bro, these comments are fucking wild. It's like page after page of people blaming the victim for her own abuse. "Take accountability" - "you constantly attract the wrong people" - "If she had self-esteem, none of this would have happened." Y'all are some privileged, ignorant people. Victims of abuse don't attract abusive people to them - abusive people seek out people that they can exploit. Someone who has been abused is easier to abuse in the future, they've already had their walls beaten down. It's incredibly important that you make this distinction, however - the abuser is seeking a victim, the victim isn't bleeding out honey for the abuser to lap up. When you're in an abusive relationship, whether it's family, friends, or a significant other, the abuser can actually change reality for you. The only way you can understand this is if you can allow yourself to accept that the world itself, the rules that apply in the world, all of this can change just because the abuser says so. There's a lot of psych research on this, you see the patterns over and over and over - in an abusive relationship, the abuser manipulates things so completely that the victim will believe everything they're told after a certain point. It's not because they rationally accept the explanation, but because their view on reality is distorted through a few different lenses. About half of what an abused person believes are things that are fed to them, ideas coming from their abusers. Every action is filtered through the lens of "is it my fault?" so everything bad that happens is internalized. When good things happen, they get turned way up - even if they only happen for short bursts. There's usually not much time to cool off between the different emotions, either, so the victim is always in a dysregulated state. Sometimes you might even have the victim dissociate, during which time they're effectively disconnected from reality. They can't process emotions if they're in this state, so good things and bad things kind of blend together, and just happen. Seeking therapy is advisable, but you can't simplify the problem to "if they don't get therapy, it's their fault that it keeps happening." A lot of victims never look for therapy, because a lot of victims are groomed to believe that therapy isn't real, or will only confirm that they're broken and unlovable. After a certain amount of trauma, you can't really treat someone. This is why you can't force someone into therapy, they need to enter into it willingly. Most victims understand that they're traumatized, but therapy isn't a perfect cure and many will never seek it.

[@gmun2248]

This is - so far - an underrated comment. It deserves more attention. I completely agree. The video from yesterday where the girl had the dream & events from a 'silly dream' made her realise going to therapy & developing self esteem made it harder for her SO & family & close 'friends' to abuse her & dismiss her should show how easy it is to be shaped by others. I just listened to these 2 videos back-to-back & the first one really struck me how easily someone's reality can be manipulated. If she hadn't mentioned the dream, or hadn't developed more self esteem to recognise that her hurt was valid, she probably wouldn't have got out of such toxic relationships. This is the same thing, except Emily hasn't come through the other side yet. Everything you say is valid. I have commented on a few posts that therapy isn't accessible for everyone either, so blaming someone for not getting therapy is also wrong. Aren't we supposed to be kinder t this time of year??

[@ayanaatthrivebewhole]

As someone who was in an abusive relationship, I think it's important that people hear your honest thoughts about their relationship. You might sit them down and say I love you and I respect your decisions as an adult, but this is concerning me for the following reasons. If you choose to stay with that person, that's your choice, but you should know how we feel. When you are in the midst of an abusive relationship, there's so much gaslighting that goes on, that makes you feel confused and off balance... You start to question your reality, so having people who can confirm realities for you is critical. The opinions of people you trust are going to be very helpful. Even if she doesn't leave immediately, those conversations, if done properly will get filed until she's ready to go for real.

[@tabytha7636]

I truly hope that she goes to therapy to work on her issues revolving relationships before she ever jumps into another relationship again. If you're still bringing a ton of baggage, especially baggage that will create more issues because of a past relationship, then you need to fix that before jumping into another relationship. It's not on the other person to fix you and it's not on the other person to make sure you're not treating them like your ex. Your new partner should have some benefit of the doubt, You cannot go into your new relationship expecting THEM to rebuild trust that you lost FROM ANOTHER PERSON

[@squidward6187]

I am female and was in abusive relationships most of my life. I didn't know anything different. I ignored the good people who wanted to help me to please the bad people who wanted to hurt me. It's because you don't think you are good enough for the good sane people and that you'll hurt them (being defective) or they'll abandon you. The abusers obviously won't abandon you because they love hurting you and you can't hurt them because they don't care. Emily at heart knows what's going on. But she has no self esteem, it's been destroyed. She views herself as a sacrifice. Sacrifice complex. I got myself out of that situation by opening up to people. Emily feels like she can't open up, she's scared. For whatever it's worth, AA really helped me. Some are open to everyone, not just addicts. My heart bleeds for her.

[@brycekline982]

Story1,I agree.OP needs to leave the door open and make sure she knows it's open. But, be careful and ready to jump if needed for help.

[@kiarar.1219]

It really bothered me when a redditor told OP to apologize to Emily for introducing her to the ex boyfriend. Excuse me? How would he know?! It’s not his fault. And for an abuser to succeed he has to have a person willing to do as he says. Yes, she’s the victim, but she has to take accountability in her part. She chose him as a bf and she chose to stay after she found out who he was, just like she did with her ex husband. And she also pushed her family and friends who only wanted to help her both times. None of this would’ve happened if she went to therapy after her divorce. I do have compassion for victims, however, they’re the ones who have to wake up in order to get help. You can’t help a person who doesn’t want to be helped. They need to take accountability for their actions and choices too, and they’re responsible for their own healing. You cannot put the burden nor blame unto others for saving victims time and time after they keep going back to abusers and who refuse to learn and heal.

[@strawberrysangria1474]

Introductions shouldn't be a problem. It's up to the meeting group to decide if it'll work out, and I don't blame Emily for giving George a chance either. I have a hunch Emily's been abused for most of her life, and trying to turn this train around will be difficult for her.

[@kiarar.1219]

@@strawberrysangria1474 yes, but it starts by acknowledging that you have a problem, and then taking actions to solve it (inner healing, therapy, support groups, self-help books).

[@MsSamiam2]

I had to do a double take also, because it was a bit contradictory. They want OP to apologize but they also acknowledge that OP wouldn’t have know George is abusive? So why would OP apologize?

[@gmun2248]

​@@MsSamiam2 I think the point was to say to Emily 'this wasn't your fault' & the commenter had good intentions with what they were trying to say. I don't think apologising for introducing them would be the way to do it, but letting her know it's not her fault does have a purpose. I guess something closer to, "I'm so sorry this happened to you, I had no idea he was like that and neither could you." would make the same point without taking accountability for introducing people.

[@itzlexxii]

This, I was looking for the comment. She always cut OP off when she gets into a new relationship, but comes back when she at her lowest because she knows he will build her up again. She needs to get therapy, stop dating for a bit and work on herself

[@Akichan07]

ALL HAIL MARK OUR SUPREME WAFFLELORD AND PRINCESS POPPY ❤❤

[@sf6555]

It's HER ROYAL BARKNESS Princess Poppy, you pleb.

[@catlover2223]

I do read that Princess Puppy! 😂

[@paperkay]

Are you telling me Emily never even had a job? She just let guys pay for all her shit, tripping one over another trying to "save" her, while she played a helpless victim?

[@Dusk.EighthLegion]

"I setup two friends and one of them catfished me to test me." *You need some better fucking friends mate.*

[@catlover2223]

Doesn’t sound like he knew the guy very well.

[@unaagabii6584]

I know she's a victim, but it leaves a weird taste in my mouth that Emily wants to be independent from OP but still relies on OP and his wife and pops back into their life whenever she needs them. I understand that some friends need more support than others, but this friendship seems very one sided.

[@gigga143]

yeah, it’s extremely one sided and she drops him every time any man she’s involved with wants her too. she sounds like a horrible friend tbh and a user. yes she has been a victim in controlling relationships but she also victimizes OP and probably many others who think their her friends but her total disregard of them and their feelings.

[@InDeathWeLove]

Yeah he is supposed to be like her big brother to her when she needs him, but then when he is inconvenient she has no problem cutting him out of her life for years or months at a time with no consideration for his feeling. Sure it sucks what she has been through, but how she has treated OP is also on her.

[@Voodoomaria]

Story #1: OP Needs to put his hands up, Turn and walk away; BUT Be there for her when her domestic situation blows up. She has to live her own life, make her own decisions, and suffer her own consequences. MAYBE after that she will be prepared to open her eyes and ears, but UNTIL THEN, anything OP does will only make things worse between them.

[@ianesgrecia8568]

So... twice Emily backed up the wrong horse over OP. And he is the one that should apologise for 'introducing them'? WTF? If I was OP I'd have kicked Emily out of my life AGES ago. At ANY point she showed to actually improve OP life in any way. It's always OP giving and she taking. He needs to therapy to get her out of his life

[@pee74332]

I was looking for a reply on someone suggesting that OP was required to apologize for introducing Emily and George. It's kind of silly to put that responsibility on OP. He didn't know George was a creep, and has been as helpful as he could be in the situation since finding out the truth.

[@milliedove2493]

My ex was like that, he was abusive and over the course of 6 years he got me cut off from friends and family, my family tried desperately to help me see but it had to be up to me to take the rose tinted glasses off and one day I did, I've now been free for 7 months

[@oakenshadow6763]

An accesory to other people's happyness." Show this lady the Barbie Movie. She is enough. 17:07

[@2GMen]

Wow, OP is quite the mensch- the sort of bestie everyone would want!

[@jrbaxterstockman548]

There's a lovely woman who takes my HIIT classes I instruct and is a regular at the gym every single day without fail. She's one of the friendliest people I've ever met, and is super comfortable making jokes and sharing her personal life and struggles of dating as a self-employed divorcee in her 50s with an adult child with severe autism living with her. She got divorced from her emotionally and physically abusive husband 3 years ago. She would still to that day delete all my texts from messages about class schedules and if she was running late. I'm a male, and every time she didn't delete texts from anyone with a guy's name when she was married would be another fight and another reason to be screamed at and pushed around. 3 years later, and this woman was more fit than 75 % of anyone in the gym on a given day and she would still do it automatically without realizing it

[@Olimar92]

"Hey you were once married to my girlfriend, can you tell me how you got her away from this one Asshole I hate? I bet you hated him to." I'm happy the Ex-husband seemed to have grown a bit. Like he cares about her, and that he realizes he did wrong. Also happy he didn't try anything else.

[@megaspit]

George was in the wrong but man... No wonder people think something's going on when he's paying for her drinks, paying to take her to the movies, fixing her DIY stuff, paying her bills, and letting her crash with him. It's like people on Reddit are blind to how this stuff looks

[@clarissagafoor5222]

Was going to write the same thing! Sort of!

[@jesswagner7391]

Yay! I needed another video. Thank you for all the great content, Mark. I hope all you Waffles are having a great post-holiday week!

[@BlenderInGame]

It is so odd that Emily's parents let her marry at 16 years old to her boss of all men!! You can tell OP was like a surrogate dad by the time they were teens because Emily's parents most likely failed her already before that point. OP has a very good heart! It was good he was there and never gave up on his friend.

[@zarahfrancisco3734]

unfortunately, the only one who can help Emily is herself. The best OP can do is suggest therapy, distance himself, and hope Emily wakes up to her senses asap.

[@star3catcherSEQUEL]

Stories like Emily's are what happens when you get a Cinderella complex, living off this fantasy of a man swooping in and giving you a "lifestyle." They try to find a way to live like a child on summer vacation forever, with no work or responsibilities, only a caretaker's money and playtime... and then it turns out when someone lets you live like you're their child, they're probably going to treat you like their child, in all the wrong ways. We need to stop defending this sort of nonsense life goal, especially in young women. No, it's not their fault that men take advantage of it, and maybe it is or isn't a "valid" dream but that doesn't matter, it is an extremely UNWISE dream and decision. A man is NOT a plan, ever. Sitting on your ass all day while another adult pays for you should not be considered a valid life goal, it should be treated like the unrealistic and unsafe expectation that it is. It isn't Emily's fault what happened, she was taken advantage of by an older man. But we still need to help our daughters protect themselves to the extent that is reasonable by pointing out how certain lifestyles are traps in the making.

[@blxssedchild3477]

I haven’t listen to Mark in about a week because I was so busy so now I’ve listen to five of your videos back to back as I fight to get water out of my flooded basement apartment. Love from NYC March 🥲 you’re making this experience better

[@Feynix4]

George is fucked up and I feel bad for Emily and OP, damned if you do, damned if you don’t

[@КсенияМиславская]

The commentator who told OP to apologize to Emily for introducing her to George made me laugh and be outraged. "Look, I know you didn't know that George turned out to be an abusive asshole, and it's not your fault, but you still have to apologize!" For what even? Once again on reddit, if OP is a male and is not the villain of the story and has done NOTHING WRONG, commentators will still try to find what is not there, just to make the guy guilty.

[@yarnovah]

I didn’t see that advice that way, at all! If I had introduced someone to a friend or relative, and that person turned out to be abusive, or a cheater etc. I would certainly regret having a part in getting them together. I would tell them I was sorry for being involved, even though it wasn’t my fault that I couldn’t foresee this happening. It was just a suggestion that OP express this regret to help his friend, who is feeling foolish, understand that it’s not just her who didn’t see it coming.

[@AlandArseneault]

I think that this might break down to the fact that people seem to use different definitions of the word apology. There'd be nothing wrong with OP offering sympathy and condolences. For many, myself included, an apology is an admission of guilt, acceptance of responsibility, and a commitment of some restitution. Have you ever gotten an apology from someone that feels hollow and flat? You, and that person, are probably using different definitions of the word apology.

[@matheuslopez578]

This story is a sad example of "we aim for the love we think we deserve". Abuse, manipulation, toxicity will always haunt her if she doesn't make a change.

[@Peeges_]

Thank you for always hanging out with me while I get my house work done❤

[@ineedhoez]

Plot twist: the mom twisted up the story about George so her daughter would leave. You don't have -1000 levels of self worth, without some seriously toxic parents😂😂😂.

[@DePhoegonIsle]

That girl needs real therapy work. The whole thing ... got her to cut off an effective family member from helping with things in general. (THough he should likely go to therapy as well.. because 'that much giving' tends to hide other issues) This whole situation just sucks ass.

[@elizahamilton5599]

Honestly Emily is really dumb. She cut off op when he’s the only gives a crap about her

[@wessexdruid7598]

Not 'dumb' - just lacking self-worth. Abusers see that and prey on it.

[@BraveryWing26]

POOR Emily she just cant win. I hope she contacts OP one day.

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

talking to your own sisters isn't manipulative.

[@2damecuteUK]

He should tell the sisters so they can watch out for Emily and give her a safe space to leave him.

[@audreym3908]

It's not "friends, family, etc, etc, etc, etc" just "friends and family.

[@polydactylblackcat2218]

Listening to Mark while eating waffles. Best Friday morning ever!!

[@NoOne-fo1di]

I disagree with the approach everyone on S1. I couldn't maintain a friendship with someone who is willing to continously discard me to appease each new abusive bf that comes along. She's clearly got a type and that is the jealous abusive asshole type so it's not like it will end if she leaves the current one, she'll find another in due course.

[@paden1865able]

I took the Christmas tree down while listening to this and it's boxed up neatly. The ornaments are back in their original containers and now the room looks so bare. It's kind of sad, really...

[@nicknitro86]

She married her boss, no doubt for love I bet.

[@Streetwisefirst]

I'm glad George is out of their lives. Who knows if he was cheating or not (he probably was). Guarantee his guilt caused him to spiral. Emily should be thankful to have a supportive friend like OP. Not many people in abusive relationships have these opportunities. I really do think she needs to go to therapy. Sure there is the chance you will leave an abusive relationship and never get into one again. But if you have done therapy, taken the time to experience living independently without being in another relationship, and done some self-reflection you can fall back into another abusive relationship. There were giant red flags waving in front of her that she chose to ignore. Either due to embarrassment or disbelief. ACKNOWLEDGE the red flags and trust your gut. Your bf sexting your male friend to see if you are cheating on you is unhinged behaviour and only someone who is extremely jealous and controlling would do this. I hope she goes to therapy for self-esteem and healthy relationships.

[@veezopolis]

"You need to let her know you respect her decision" No TF you don't. I don't agree with her decision to believe and support an abuser over someone that I'm close as siblings with. I don't have to support her going back to abuse AFTER already leaving an abusive marriage. Emily has a tendency to get with abusers and LISTEN TO THEM ABOUT CUTTING OFF SUPPORT SYSTEMS. Clearly she isn't even looking out for her own interests.

[@roowyrm9576]

Sadly, women who have been in abusive relationships often end up in another, similar, relationship. They have learned to normalise such behaviour. Just let Emily know you are there for her, when she needs it. Then stand back from it all, and wait for her to reach out. Good for Emily, deciding to go back into Education, finding her own independence.

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

If he knows Emily so well, then he should know why she always has an abusive husband.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

I'm so glad that Emily left George and that she and OP talked it out. I can slightly relate to OP - I introduced my sister to a friend of mine and, they started dating, and he turned out to be a cheater. Not as bad as being abusive, but I had no idea and thought he was a stand-up guy. Yuck.

[@SuadAbubakarHassan]

Emily sounds like a constant headache and OP is better washing his hands off this situation, she obviously has a type and she's going to pick another George in no time

[@ThePlayer4our]

I have to agree honestly. I get there is trauma there, but to have a friend drop you just because he toxic boyfriend is insecure sucks. If she's going to dive into the relationship and continue the cycle of abuse, I wouldn't want to be the one picking up the pieces either. And he like caretakes her, foots most of her bills and now set her up in a flat, all while she wants to be more independent. It's another level of control, it's just weird on all ends

[@CouncilEstateRach]

Oh honey twice.... that is nothing .... try returning numerous times to the same person and losing everyone.

[@heathercontois4501]

Thank you for the cozy Hobbit hole as we listened to someone's relationship implode because they made poor choices. I feel bad for OP losing a dear friend because she has poor taste in men.

[@anonymouslee2083]

Abusive ex saving her from current abusive BF? That's a strange one for sure! I gotta wonder if it was actually true, or if he was twisting it to engineer the breakup out of sour grapes?

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

Idk why redditors are defending Emily! If I was in OOP place I would ve ended the friendship. She is not worth it, she is an adult and she should take accountability for her choices.

[@devegas4910]

True. This should’ve been a learning opportunity being that she was a victim of abuse before and had friends and family there for her.

[@ApocalypticEmu]

Finding an Emily in a story is my version of Mark finding a Mark lmao. I always start out strongly rooting that they aren’t the negative focal point of this story 😄

[@annemuzz]

My ex was abusive, he sounds like George. When I broke up, he got someone else pregnant within 3 months 😂😂

[@LadyMelmo.]

That was isolation abuse in the least. Abusers like this are good at playing their victims, and anyone trying to intervene can actually make it worse for her. I know this all too well. I'm glad she got free, and after some healing and growing by not just Emily but OP too, I think everyone is going to be OK.

[@CreepyBlueAnimals84]

I have trouble with the "Let her know you support her in her choices" part because to me it sounds like encouragement to stay in the relationship. How do you word it one moment as support and then when she does leave to say I support that too. It just sounds like contradictory statements to me.

[@jumpmain]

She needs therapy. He can also give her ways to 'repay' things or favours, so she can feel what's like to be in an equal friendship Also it would be great if she could set small milestones to achieve them, that could give her more confidence and a growth.

[@AusExplorer]

Why is this guy setting his clearly vulnerable friend up with some guy he clearly doesn't even really know?

[@mandyblake9275]

Story 1 - Emily is a person who gets easily manipulated... being manipulated TWICE by different men!! has she not learnt the signs from the previous relationship?!?!

[@trilbynhiss]

I know I'm being judgy here but it's hard for me to believe anyone could allow themselves to stagnate for 10 years in a dead end, low paying job. And having to financially depend on three men during that timeframe as well. She really does have extremely low self esteem, thinking that's the best she can do in life.

[@Ela_x_sreor]

Anyone else watch his videos religiously every day?

[@bbjjbb61]

Why tf should OP apologize for Emily's choices!? Good grief Reddit

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark

[@hilarymurray8741]

I wonder how OP's wife feels about this brotherly relationship with Emily.

[@dm9078]

Story one Emily clearly has crap taste in men. First, her husband now this controlling lying manipulative emotional abuser. OP you are only required to pull a person from a burning building once. OP and his wife offered her away out of this burning building and she ran back in. He needs to tell her that his door is always open but for his own health, he needs to let this go.

[@thebeebz9511]

A valid reason some people have for deleting all of their conversations is when they are overly extraverted and don't want to be tempted to doubletext. Sometimes it's a strategy people troubled with social cues use and sometimes it's just to protect an anxious friend who is overwhelmed. Doesnt explain every single text being deleted though.

[@보모]

oOP is awful for supposedly being like Emily's ex husband yet that very same ex husband is whom George went to for pointers on dealing with oOP..?

[@thePhoenixQueen]

Therapy👏🏾Therapy 👏🏾Therapy 👏🏾

[@OZARKMOON1960]

OP's friend has a lot of things in her favor - and a few going against her. She needs therapy to find out why her relationships are not healthy. She needs to learn OP and his sisters are always there for her and only have her best interest at heart. And getting education for a good job with decent wages is a start. I wish her luck.

[@InDeathWeLove]

You've been friends with her since 5 and been like a brother but twice she has abandoned you for her spouse/bf's comfort. Not much of a sister if you ask me. Sucks that she is getting abused, but she is choosing abusers over people that love her over and over. I wouldn't be cutting her out completely, but I definitely would be taking a lot of space and not making it a priority relationship since she doesn't seem to see it that way.

[@browniewin4121]

This is sad that OP's best friend has given in to another overly controlling man that will isolate her from friends because of his jealousy and manipulative, emotionally abusive boyfriend. OP really won't be able to convince his friend, she will have to figure this out on her own, he should just let her know he will always be there for her, and his sisters should just continue to reach out in just a friendly way so she doesn't lose all contact with people who love her. After update: It's sad but good that things have gone the way they did and OP's friend escaped her bad boyfriend. I think she did not contact OP because she was embarrassed by taking the part or her boyfriend and being swayed by his manipulation. Running away was necessary in the moment, but she needs therapy because distance is not enough. I think OP should contact her and tell her he is sad he unknowingly introducer another awful man into her life, and again, repeat that he considers her as one of his sisters and wants her in his life and will always be there for her. After final update: It's good OP's friend returned and everything came out first hand. It's sad she feels so inadequate and it's good OP is questioning and taking a look at his behaviour and how it feeds into this whole situation. It's really great OP will now give his friend a leg up like he had by giving her a place to live and helping her to better herself with more education so she can ultimately have more confidence and a better independent life. I'm happy it has worked out this way. I still do think she could do with a good therapist.

[@hoper1294]

Hi Mark! I was wondering, do you think maybe making a playlist of your long compilation videos? It would be awesome to go through them as my day goes 😊

[@Trivial_Whim]

It’s actually kinda funny, the new guy asking the ex for advice. You see, if the ex had good advice then he wouldn’t be an ex now, would he? That was a special kind of stupid.

[@Swnsasy]

Afternoon Waffle Squad Leader and the Popmeister!! ❤❤ Nope, nope and nope! Emily needs to run from him. My husband has a female BFF and I absolutely LOVE her! I have zero issue with their relationship. If a person is going to cheat they will cheat period.. For Emily to leave her friendship over this guy that is so insecure is horrible. OP needs to not push it because she needs actual therapy to stop being co-dependant.. If the sisters are close to her they can do things organically. She doesn't realize SHE is the one not wanting to be alone and she may need therapy to get her self worth up to par... Do not push, just be there for her and wait....

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey can you take care of yourself? Just do one small thing that will make yourself happy. And if you feel like you can do more, please stretch, drink some water, and eat something. You matter so much. I send all the virtual love. 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗