My Father Cheated On My Mom Whilst She Had Cancer And Wants Me To Forgive Him r/Relationships

[@anakatsukifangirl2944]

For the first story, I honestly wanna know what was going through the mistress' head when she decided to have an affair with the husband of her friend who she knew had terminal cancer. What a monster.

[@ameliapaige8081]

HERSELF and only HERSELF!

[@anakatsukifangirl2944]

@@ameliapaige8081 Most likely. My Nan died of terminal leukemia and I would never have forgiven my grandfather if he had decided to cheat on her while she was in the hospital suffering.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

She was probably jealous the entire time her friend was alive and saw her “chance” to jump her friend’s husband’s bones the moment OP’s mom got sick.

[@drewthistlethwaite8909]

Most likely putting her claws in early for a pre made life she’s familiar with enough to think she can just step into like used shoes.

[@missaliciaxxxx]

People just have a lack of character. The ex husband and his mistress have no integrity, no character and no concsience. They were made for each other

[@MisterNightfish]

"Wow, you moved on from mom within 5 months? That's horrible" "Nonono, of course not. That would be horrible. I've been cheating for 3 years so it's really quite different, you see?"

[@pfffetc6149]

😁

[@Bleg94]

yeah like ... dafuq does that shitstain think? did that shitstain really think "Oh, I understand that is so much better"

[@robinjameson4261]

oh you're right it is completely different. I thought you were just cruel. I'm now understanding you are a soulless monster. thank you for helping me understand the difference

[@a_noelle8595]

😂

[@captainjackslog]

I immediately thought of this line from the Good Place; "Ok, but that's worse. You do get how that's worse, right?"

[@TsukiKageTora]

If I got a text from my dad’s affair partner like what she did, my response would be “my mom would be crushed to know that while she was dying of cancer her friend and her ‘supposed’ love of her life were cheating on her leaving her to die alone with her kids”

[@nightmarefanatic1819]

I'd tell her "I hope my father treats you with all the love and consideration he gave my mom through her hardest times :)"

[@teragram38crows49]

May your marriage be long and happy. I wish for your outstanding health so you can never have the fear of your actions come full circle.

[@rickhernandez7666]

@@nightmarefanatic1819 "And I hope you treat him with all the respect and concern you showed my mom in her time of need."

[@kateemma22]

Too many words. A swift 'f**k off, wh0re' is easier.

[@KlaudiaShaefferr]

I suspect that the mom knew but kept quiet, that’s why she got sick

[@EluneAnzu]

Always wild when the cheaters/their family try and force reconciliation at the wedding with the affair partner, do they not realize it's the perfect storm to backfire for them? "Yes I'd like to toast the new bride, I hope you never get sick, or else my dad will cheat on you too" and just leave the shit show.

[@pippo17173]

People who ask to get over it are just as awful as the cheaters. Like betrayal is the hardest thing to face and you just cant get over. Especially in this case where op's mom is shown to never be loved to begin with because holy crap the family is legit trying to erase her.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@pippo17173 My thoughts exactly! It's almost like Dad was simply waiting for her to get sick and die so he could marry again and that's so disgusting! 🤢😡

[@randomusername3873]

Because the wedding have guests, they need the victims to be there because this way people will think what they did is ok and there's no bad blood They also want their victims to be there so they can throw their marriage in their faces

[@lordfreerealestate8302]

In toxic families, "You should to forgive them" is code for "swallow your pain for the sake of the family image and the convenience of others". They like to pretend bad things aren't happening. You don't owe a toxic person your forgiveness. The person in a toxic family who refuses to go along with covering stuff up is often the whistle-blower or truthteller ... and they are the worst nightmare of a toxic family, because they threaten to burst the "everything is fine" bubble.

[@pippo17173]

Well the update showed the family arent as toxic as they didnt knew ether. Glad most are with op and told dad to dig a difch lol

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

You're absolutely right about that. That being said, I'm glad OP's relatives were told the truth and confronted the scumbag dad. He should be held accountable for his actions.

[@catsncrows]

I was the truth teller and I think I was about 7 when I started to speak out. I was unpopular

[@ScooterBond1970]

It's been said before, but it's easier to bully the victim (i.e. the passive party) into "keeping the peace" than it is to convince the bully to repent.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@ScooterBond1970 You're right about that. That being said, if the bully refuses to repent, then they should be punished. They shouldn't be allowed to get away with bad behavior.

[@Tammohawk1]

OP's ex is a piece of garbage. Refused to protect his own child,, just made excuses for his steps behavior. I'm glad OP got full custody, since the jerk probably didn't show up to court.

[@Yume10605]

He is a POS. But I do also understand a bit of he is untreated bipolar. Why he is doing this. It's not right and it's harmful to his daughter and he needs help. Also op 💯 did the right thing. But she may have to do more if he is showing up at the school.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

💯

[@brandypebler2054]

I agree

[@robinjameson4261]

this may be somewhat problematic in a different way that is not being observed yet. since OP's daughter's not there to absorb the what seems to be sociopathy of the older son, it'll probably fall on his little sister.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

@robinjameson4261 oh that's dark. But probable too.

[@Michael.CrazedAlaska]

The update from the Uncle is just so perfect, I love it… the delusion the father and mistress could live in came crumbling down, crashing into the swamp of lies and deceit they built the foundations for their love

[@lindah3803]

Yep,I was thinking that the family didn't know the true story. They were under the impression that OP left because he couldn't handle his Dad moving on. That's why they came down on OP saying it's been long enough. Now that the truth is out,at least the "decent" one's are giving that scumbag and his skank all kinds of crap. Even folk's that were friends with Mom are laying in to them. Word will continue to spread. When friends of the family member's get word,they will be cutting with them. I just wonder if the Aunt gave up OP "for family image" or if she was hoping that OP would blow the top.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Karma at it's finest. They deserve each other. They're disgusting. 🤢

[@sgm8265]

I figured some of the people harassing OP didn't know the timeline of his father's relationship with ap. Not everyone is that forgiving.

[@carolroberts4614]

The aunt is the worst one, I think. She helped op get away, so she knew exactly what dad had done! And then give at least 39 people his number to harrass him. Such a turncoat!

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 1: *"I asked him about my aunt and how all this started and he said all he knows is that there was a conversation of how bad the family would look if I wasn't at the wedding and that my aunt offered to call me"* It’s ironic that by worrying about the truth coming out and caring about what people think, the aunt set in motion for it to all blow up. There is no mending a relationship with a man who cheats on his dying wife for three years with the wife’s friend. Those two are disgusting they know it, and now more people know it too.

[@pippo17173]

What's even more funny is the rest of the family not knowing the truth why he left. Sucks that op had to go no contact but it's understandable with how they handle it even if they only got lies being told.

[@eliashuapilla]

Plot twist: the aunt actually saw an opportunity to get back at OP's dad for what he did, so she played along, but the only problem with this twist is that the aunt didn't call OP or told her hubby what she did.😂😅

[@Sherwoody]

My thought was that dad had to repair his relationship with OP to collect an inheritance. Probably thought 6 years was enough for OP to forgive and forget.

[@pippo17173]

@@Sherwoody cheating is almost never something to forget. Cheaters tend to forget that.

[@briannalewis2644]

I was just thinking about that! The complete irony of trying to get ahead of a situation to prevent things getting exposed...but that ended up cause EVERYTHING to get exposed. Idiot! Should've just left OP alone.

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 3: The parents needed therapy AGES ago, they've ruined their relationship with their living child over something the child who didn't make it. I feel bad for OP, they've likely been associated with the lost child and they can't compete with them, the brother is always going to put on a pedestal because of what they COULD have been. Also fully expect the story to eventually get an update where the OP goes little to no contact.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I think OP said his parents went to therapy, but I don't think they did if I'm being honest or at least if they were there, they didn't stay there long. Either way, you're absolutely right. They need massive help. And at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if this ended with OP cutting ties with his parents.

[@RPWT_]

​@@PrincessQ-fj9lydefinitely with The mom atleast. In an update they Said that mom attacked them. Dad did apologise, he knew what they were doing wasnt healthy, but since OP never complained as a child, he thought it was fine. The mom went as far as to say she wished the twin Brother was alive instead of OP, and everything was OP's fault, her inability to carry More kids, his death etc.

[@safespacebear]

Story 1: id be tempted to play nice and give the worlds greatest toast at the reception

[@golden_leader9227]

You said exactly what i thought. But i'm a petty and vengeful person.

[@LizLuvsCupcakes]

I don’t think I’d have the constitution to even let them think they won even a little bit for even a second.

[@mogulmade]

*Steps to podium.* Insert a picture of my mother dying of cancer on a large screen. "This was how these two lovebirds met. Cheating, as my mother, his wife(points), and her friend(points) died of cancer..."

[@Bleg94]

literally the ONLY reason OP should go to that wedding, everyone that doesn't know gets the chance to hate on them and the people siding with them

[@sandeesandwich2180]

S1: I don't know if the times here were accurate, but OP says his mom died 2 years after diagnosis, and 5 months after that, his dad introduced his affair partner. Then it comes out that they had been seeing each other for 3 years, which would be 7 months before the mom was diagnosed. So it was not a story of two people clinging to each other while they grieved the news. This is Cheating and then going all in on the cheating during the wife's time of need.

[@devegas4910]

Yeah. They can go to hell

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I think it's accurate, or at the very least, it's close.

[@KlaudiaShaefferr]

I was looking for this comment. I think the wife knew but kept quiet and that killed her

[@Standinthegap4ever]

Does this mean that Op will never be able to get married because her parents won’t be able to see the brother’s wedding? Will her parents try to force Op to name her son, if she has one, after the brother? Those parents need therapy.

[@vrsalcedo7245]

I'm guessing you're right about OP's parents wanting/insisting that she name her son, if she has one, after the brother. Even with therapy, I think her parents are permanently broken on several levels.

[@mariem8705]

S1- now the aunt is dead to you. Change your phone, threaten to call the police and block everyone

[@phtevlin]

#3 I had two siblings pass away on their date of birth--one stillborn, one died shortly after her birth. We NEVER "celebrated" the birth/death of the two children. Doing double candles is NOT normal.

[@jodieisnotokay]

we do, just because you don't doesn't mean it's not normal

[@MimosaRose]

I know several families that do that. It can be very cathartic, those children are still a part of the family.

[@barbiegirlthrifter6841]

Story 1: The mom knew dad was cheating. Maybe she didn’t know with who, and I hope she didn’t. Poor mom knew and had to cope with it while dying. Heartbreaking.

[@Grilled_Cheeses]

This story is much like what Dr Seuss’s first wife, Helen Geisel, went through. She was dying of cancer and found out that her friend and husband were having an affair. Unfortunately, she felt so broken by their infidelity that she ended her suffering before the cancer could. I sometimes wonder perhaps if Helen had support from someone like OP, she could have risen above her despair. 😢

[@chaosshiva4165]

That last story is definitely a lot like that one story when the son’s birthday was taken over by the bratty younger sister. This is how it would have went if she had passed away. I certainly hope this one ends on a somewhat positive note too.

[@SkyEcho751]

I remember a story not too long ago, where the OP had all her events overshadowed by her mother's grief over (OP's) sister's death. She never got to have ANY event for herself, birthday, graduation, and it culminated in the mother grandstanding at OP's wedding while basically saying she wish OP had been the one to die. OP never really got to enjoy anything big because her mother forced her grief onto everything. And personally, I will say I prefer the outcome I 'suffered' over what these OP's have to deal with. My cousin was born the same year as me, but suffered an injury that left him brain dead, my grandparents on that side basically ignored me, and when my cousin could no long 'live' via life support, they stopped asking about me entirely AND stopped visiting. Only recently have they asked for a way to contact me from my parents, but my parents are refusing because of what they did. In my case I never grew close enough to miss them, so it hurts less.

[@AM-cv9fi]

There was one update. The Dad knew it was wrong but did it anyway because OP never said anything when he was a kid but the Mom went crazy, slapped OP, yelled that she wished he was dead and not the brother. Mom got arrested and sent to a Mental Hospital

[@birdsofsantafe9824]

Story 1: OP is NOT the A-Hole. The Dad and the Affair Partner (who was a friend of dying mom) are the biggest a-holes imaginable. They are disgusting filth. Screwing around with each other while someone they were supposed to care about was dying. Absolutely unforgivable. Screw them and screw the family members trying to force the "happy reunion"

[@Fiero425]

He hasn't been in contact with any family members, but when they do it's to insult OP. Truly sick arse family. ;-(

[@anakatsukifangirl2944]

It's worse, the AP claimed to have been dating his father for three years. They were having an affair months before op's mother was diagnosed and continued the affair while she was dying.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Story 1 - Before even getting to the updates, OP is NTA. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of cheaters starting their affairs while their partner is dying, an ex of mine had that happen to their family when their mom was dying of cancer (mom’s best friend and dad started sleeping behind the mom’s back). It just shocks me how during such a time these selfish partners are more focused on their sexual wants over their spouse and their damn kids. The dad deserves to feel bad, the affair partner deserves to feel bad, anyone defending the affair deserves to feel bad. It sucks to suck, but that’s what happens when you’re a POS.

[@Grilled_Cheeses]

If you think this story’s bad, look up Dr Seuss’s first wife, Helen Geisel, and how her story ended. Bit of a warning, though: it’s a bitter pill to swallow.

[@KlaudiaShaefferr]

In the first story if you compare the timelines said by OP, looks like the dad started cheating first, and then the mom was diagnosed few months later. SHe might had known about the cheating but kept quiet

[@Legless_Orphan]

Story 1: Why does the mistress want to commit to a man who cheats one someone who is dying? How does she look at him and thinks damn that's a quality man right there.

[@vrsalcedo7245]

Because they never think it will happen to them. They really don't. But if you marry a guy who will cheat on his wife and keep cheating on her when she is diagnosed with cancer, then continue to bang his mistress for the rest of his current wife's life, well, she can't say she'd never heard of such a thing when he dumps her.

[@crisrodriguez5693]

My best guess is that she believes that getting a man to cheat on his dying wife is no easy feat and it must mean that the AP is some kind of irresistible goddess. This people then are surprised when they find out they aren't special, the guy is just an ahole who decided, by himself, to cheat on his wife.

[@KlaudiaShaefferr]

In the first story if you compare the timelines said by OP, looks like the dad started cheating first, and then the mom was diagnosed few months later. SHe might had known about the cheating but kept quiet. The mistress is in for the rude awakening

[@tracicolvis7382]

Story 1: congrats, auntie! You now get no contact like the rest of the family!

[@andreavanhoof6047]

I hope that the aunt can live with the consequences of no contact for the rest of her life!

[@lostshadows768]

Story 1: If OP was feeling petty, they could have sent AP a message reminding them to drop the "in sickness" and "forsaking all others" parts of the vows, unless they wanted to make dad a liar again.

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

Story two: The moment OP mentioned that she would press charges, I had a feeling that racist 15 year old (and his family) screwed up. Should've thought twice before tormenting a child much younger than him who has a mom who will do what's needed to protect said child. *And with a useless stepfather who was going to confirm everything the family did to hurt that girl. Only to be hit with the fact that OP wasn't bluffing about pressing charges.* 😬

[@dindog22]

the affair partner was the friend of the dying woman. both are dirtbags. Aunt is a dirtbag as well for giving out her contact information

[@Passions5555]

I just rewatched story 1. OP is a guy.

[@KlaudiaShaefferr]

If you compare the timelines said by OP, looks like the dad started cheating first, and then the mom was diagnosed few months later. She might had known about the cheating but kept quiet

[@bioshockbrat9171]

Last story: I was born on my grandmother's birthday and it honestly annoys the ever loving fuck out of me. "You're just like her! You're grandma's twin! You're her gift!" I want to be my own person, not attached to a person. I grew apart from, my grandmother as I got older, but my mom and grandma still treated me as an extension of her almost. Sure we share some behaviors and qualities but it feels smothering like when she brings it up; like she's putting a mask over me, replacing my identity with hers. I grew to dislike my grandma a lot because of this smothering behavior

[@patpaiz5693]

My youngest grandson happens to share a birthday with his mom. Right now he is 8 and thinks it is the coolest thing in the world, but we also have chosen to make sure he gets to celebrate his birthday with a cake of his choosing and the dinner he wants. My daughter and I go out a day or two before, or after and do something together so as not to take his day away. Gifts are given to both that day and they both open them, but we do make sure the kid birthday is the center of the family celebration.

[@Ospyro3em]

Story 2- "I have my REAL family" and that's the line that crossed him over from AH to complete monster.

[@akl2k7]

No kidding. Those stepkids are more family than your biological daughter? I don't remember you helping make them!

[@Passions5555]

Step son from affair partner's first husband and his own biological daughter with affair partner that he cheated on OP with who was conceived the same time he got OP pregnant with their daughter. OP's ex is an ass. Screw him.​@@akl2k7

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

My thoughts exactly! I hope his selfishness towards his poor daughter is worth any relationship she might've had with him in the future. And he shouldn't be surprised if she doesn't want to take care of him when he's old and frail, nor should he be surprised if he ends up dying alone.

[@shadowkissed2370]

@@akl2k7 technically he made one and the other was premade lol

[@godzillakungfu]

“My Dad’s side”….. is all I needed to hear. My family would be clowning me for being a cheater, not begging my child to go to my wedding

[@GonzoHenson]

For the first story, OP could tell everyone that they only way she would attend the wedding was so that he could laugh mockingly at the point in the vows where the Dad promises fidelity "In sickness and health." Boy, that marriage is going to have absolute quicksand as its foundation.

[@hollyberry0602]

As a twin, I feel really bad for OP. While birthdays have been shared in the past of course, as we got older our Mum tried to accomodate us both if she could. Two cakes can be pricey so we choose one together, we choose an activity we both want to do, whether that's ordering takeout and staying home or going out somewhere. This year our Mum is letting us each pick an activity that accomodates each of our likes. I know for parents of twins it can be hard to balance birthdays since you want both twins to feel like it's their celebration, since two bithdays can be expensive! But in OP's case it's completely different. OP is the only sibling around to celebrate the birthday, she shouldn't be forced to grieve the brother she never knew. If the parents want to take some time to grieve their child on that day or maybe the day before or after, that's totally okay and they're within their rights. But to force the grieving into OP's supposedly happy celebration is completely unfair.

[@LordBison98]

Story 3: Imagine treating the dead better than living. I hope OP mentioning only grandpa showing up at the hospital doesn't mean their parents didn't appear-

[@Number-vt1fl]

So basically, the dad wants access to potential grandchildren as well as someone to take care of him in his old age?

[@EndellionQT]

Nah, Dad and AP wanted (in some deluded way} it to be the 'perfect wedding' and not marred by the absent son. Completely self centred.

[@lifewithlee6298]

Story 2 , so the dead beat dad didn’t care about daughter untill op took her. Ego much 😳

[@damien678]

From what I've heard, fathers do this all the time. They don't legally fight for custody, and then publicly b!tch and moan about how they're being denied time with their kids.

[@treehouse2902]

1. They don't have a right to timetable your grief or forgiveness. 2. OP did the right thing. The dad needs psychological intervention before he does worse. 3. That's a weird one. The parents can also use pyshological intervention.

[@amyalpin6251]

First story - Most people would be surprised at how often a husband cheats abd/or leaves when a wife gets cancer. It'a rarely the other way around, but many cancer caregivers (nurses, especially) can tell you tons of heartbreaking stories. It happened to my aunt, too.

[@vrsalcedo7245]

Actually, most women wouldn't be the least bit surprised. One of my sisters was an oncology nurse back in the '70s-'80s. If a woman had breast cancer, it was almost expected her husband would divorce her. Question was when. He might not do it while she was undergoing surgery, or chemo, or reconstruction, but yeah - far too many marriages post-cancer ended in divorce. Women who 'lost' a breast weren't considered 'real' women anymore. And don't get me started on women who needed hysterectomies!

[@bonniehuh]

Story 1 : As an aunt who would 100% take my niblings side in this case, I can't imagine BETRAYING them the way the aunt did. How dare she give anyone Ops number!

[@harmonygibbs7904]

Story 1: I read something recently on Tumblr that people who react this way to you cutting someone out of your life, are afraid that you can do it to them too. They are upset to know that there is a line they cannot cross without being dropped from your life. 'How dare you not love without condition? How dare you not put up with this for the sake of family?' I'm glad telling the family the whole story helped the situation but I still would be hesitant to trust them. good luck with your life OP.

[@lindah3803]

Story 1: Can we give OPs GF a hand. She's a gem. 101 ways to ruin a wedding.

[@notovny]

OP's Aunt: "It would look bad if OP isn't at the wedding. I'm going to poke that bear." OP's Aunt's Fiance: "I dunno, I don't think you should poke that bear. You should probably let it sleep" OP's Aunt: "What do you know about bears, anyway. Bears love being poked while they're sleeping. All those videos on that website are about it. " OP's Aunt's Fiance: "No that's not that kind of-- You know what, I'll say 'I told you so," now, because I know you're not going to want to hear it later."

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 3 this is utterly ridiculous. If this child had died recently and they actually knew this child that would be different. Everyone would feel that loss. But, this child died right after birth. It's fine if they still grieve sometimes, but they should not hijack their child's bday every year. That it's not OP's bday but the brother's funeral was chilling because it was so true

[@catherinecox573]

it's sick to do this to a kid their whole lives. He has had to share EVERY birthday with a dead baby. :(

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

My thoughts exactly! OP's parents need massive help! I can understand losing a child can be terrible, but they still have a child, and by neglecting him and having an annual day to grieve on OP's birthday, they're actually losing both their children because eventually OP will tire of their neglect and cut ties with them.

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

I'm a little curious if they're this "heart broken" because the dead child was a boy. I don't know why, but I have a sneaking feeling it may change something for them.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@@Original_Tenshi_Chan No, I said the same. I doubt they'd still be mourning their baby girl

[@Sherwoody]

Very soon, mom and dad are going to find out that they have lost both children.

[@damien678]

From what I've heard, fathers do this all the time. They don't legally fight for custody, and then publicly b!tch and moan about how they're being denied time with their kids.

[@dougmartin2007]

Story 2: In my state if an adult assaulted a minor while saying racial slurs it would be at least a 7 year sentence as a felony hate crime. I'm not sure how this changes if you are 15, but it won't be good for that boy.

[@greendiamondglow]

It's heartbreaking when a parent loses a child, but they are setting themselves up to lose another. It's not fair of them to force OP 3 to share her birthday with someone she didn't even know. Her celebration is NOT their time to give their grief center focus. It's completely understandable that they still miss their son, and they are allowed to honor him. But not at the expense of their living child.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I agree with you. This couple should've been in therapy longer. It's clear that they're still not over losing their other twin. I don't expect them to be, but now it's really starting to hurt poor OP. 😢

[@jodieisnotokay]

I mean it's some extra candles to blow out on a cake, it's not as if op has to say a prayer daily for their sibling or anything. On my sisters birthday we light a candle to remember her, it just so happens that my sister was born the same day as a family friend who lived with us, she didn't care though because she's a mature person.

[@greendiamondglow]

@@jodieisnotokay It's not okay for them to pull focus from her on her own birthday to make space for their grief, ESPECIALLY not after she's made it clear she's not okay with it. It's not immature for her to make that choice for herself. It's immature for her parents to be pressuring her. What are they going to do when she has other milestones?

[@jodieisnotokay]

@greendiamondglow you're making so many assumptions about their parenting from one reddit post which boils down to a spoilt kid not wanting extra candles on a birthday cake.

[@crisrodriguez5693]

@@jodieisnotokay I don't think what the parents were doing was completely terrible either, but it should have stopped the moment OP said she wanted it to stop. They can still light a candle, just not on her cake.

[@littlegreycat]

This is third deceased twin story Ive heard from reddit. I don't understand why the parents can't go to the grave and light a candle at a different time of the day or even set up their own little memorial cake if it's necessary. It's just sad.

[@YellaBellaReno]

I feel like, if they had gotten a single ounce of therapy over the years, then they must not have mentioned the joint birthdays. Any therapist worth even just a fraction of their salt would have questioned them on this “tradition” and shut it down ages ago.

[@scottbrowder8304]

for story 1, OP should have gone to the wedding and given a speech about how the dad's a piece of shit and his affair partner is even worse, and tell everyone how they couldnt even wait for mom to die before bangin

[@KlaudiaShaefferr]

In the first story of you compare the timelines said by OP, looks like the dad started cheating first, and then the mom was diagnosed few months later. He might had known about the cheating but kept quiet

[@rf159a]

Story One: I would of taken the invitation, wiped my butt with it and sent it back to them!! Seriously!!!

[@habituallearner7680]

After eating ex lax

[@Ďèlùlù_Ľ_è_ḿ_ó_ń]

Outside of shipping a biohazard, you could stamp return to sender on it. They'll get the point.

[@grizbear4115]

Story 1: He cheated on his DYING wife! He lost all credibility and deserved what he got. My dad would be dead to me if he did the same thing. His vows included "through sick and through health", I guess he never said those huh? NTA

[@KlaudiaShaefferr]

If you compare the timelines said by OP, looks like the dad started cheating first, and then the mom was diagnosed few months later. He might had known about the cheating but kept quiet

[@briarblackwood]

that second story, i always feel so, so sorry for tragic grief, but i feel ppl do their living children deep disservice by forcing funerary memorials on birthdays

[@holdfast1979]

Story 3. I get that the parents are grieving. But they should do that in their space. It is not OP’s grief to share. There are no memories to mourn, no hopes for OP in behalf of their sibling. The parents have, in keeping that tradition around after their child’s death, unintentionally told their child that they don’t matter to them.

[@jodieisnotokay]

lmao that's a reach

[@LadyMelmo.]

Story 1: NTA! They are all POS's, who would dare think "Oh, he only cheated on your Mother and abandoned her for his affair while she was dying of cancer, nor supported you while you were going through it". They are not famil, just horrible people OP is unfortunately genetically related to, and a backstabbing "friend" of their Mother. Good riddance to the lot of them. Story 2: NTA. That is not normal behaviour. OP needs to keep her daughter away from them, and I hope the stepson faces the consequences of his actions. Also, Bipolar is no excuse for being a terrible person, I am but I am not bigoted and cruel. Story 3: NTA. That isn't fair to OP or the memory of their brother, and is actually quite disturbing.

[@tracygardner6318]

Real children your 10 year old daughter, is your real child too this man is making my blood boil. I’m glad you’re pressing charges against his stepson.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

With the second story even with the update. I knew exactly where this was going. The father per has a racial preference. He probably saw the original poster as like a sexual delicacy. And then when she and him had their daughter. He basically goes like I'll do whatever I can. then he meets his new wife and they have their perfect image of a family with the stepson and the. New daughter and it makes me question how much longer before the The Ex-boyfriend or ex-husband basically terminates his parental rights because that's where it's going. think about it if he's allowing the steps on to be a racist towards his daughter and he basically sees it as toughing her off to the point where there's abuse then you gotta wonder what else is going on here. You're not in the wrong here. But I think it's time for you to say enough is enough and you need to get His parental rights terminated and if possible, you need to have a conversation with his parents and tell them what's up

[@Sunari]

For the first story I can only imagine if OP was more vindictive and agreed to go, and gave a speech to pointing out the infidelity and warning the bride to not get sick before him, as she knew well enough what happened last time. They should be happy if anything that they have warning instead of it blowing up at the party, though I guess regardless the party's ruined to a degree either way. No one but themselves to blame on that front though.

[@hilarymurray8741]

Birthdays story : Absolutely NTA OP. There is remembrance on the part of your parents of the child who did not make it, and there is obsession, to the point of neglecting the child who did make it, yourself. 17 years of obsession and associated neglect of you is far too long for you to suffer and your parents need therapy. Perhaps your Grandad will make two cakes, one for you to celebrate with him and one for your parents to mourn your brother in the next room. Perhaps your Grandad wouldn't mind your inviting a couple of your friends to celebrate with you so you can know that you are loved in your own right and people are glad you are around, despite your brother not being around also. In no way was that your fault, and your parents should not be effectively punishing you for it. Huge hug.

[@jodieisnotokay]

tf how are extra candles on a birthday cake neglect?? Yall are pushing this way too far.

[@hilarymurray8741]

@@jodieisnotokay The extra candles are for someone else other than the intended birthday girl. She had to share her special day with a deceased twin. Massive lack of respect.

[@jodieisnotokay]

@hilarymurray8741 it's really not neglect though.

[@hilarymurray8741]

@@jodieisnotokay The young lady was treated less well than would normally have been the case and her emotional needs were not met in favour of her parents' mourning her lost brother. As she herself laments, the joy normally expected of parents who love their child on their birthday was replaced by morose lamenting of the child who died. It could even be inferred by her that her parents had rather she had died and her brother had lived. Neglectful treatment of OP by her parents compared with what could normally be expected from them on her birthday, is clearly evident, imo.

[@jodieisnotokay]

@hilarymurray8741 she wasn't treated less than because of double the amount of candles, that is a reach. You weren't there so don't know if her emotional needs were met, it seems like from the story the only time the brother is mentioned is the birthday meaning their mourning is one day a year, yet another reach you've pulled out your arse. The parents again celebrate their child's life, while also paying attention to their lost, again just by adding extra candles. There is no way you genuinely typed out that the parents would rather the op have died than the other child, absolutely no way. It's absolutely not neglect and you are fucking insane.

[@oompaloompa83]

S1: These people are atrocious! Why can't people just leave other people alone? I'm sure that the aunt and father were telling the other harassers that OP just couldn't get over their mother's death and let the father move on. Even if that were the case and there was no cheating, so? Can we just let people have relationships with those they choose to? Is it by force?! This has really riled me up!

[@faeriefire78]

Deep down I know it would do no good for people like this, but when I hear stories like #1 I wonder if they'd finally "get" it if it was put in perspective for them. Like, "Dad, imagine you were on your death bed and your wife stayed away from home as much as possible, leaving you alone to die in solitude while she lets your best friend plow her into oblivion every day. Then your entire family is thrilled to celebrate her wedding to your snake of a best friend after you kick the bucket, totally forgetting your existence and invalidating your marriage and life to her. Guessing you wouldn't be cool with that, huh?" But I know it wouldn't work. People this selfish always have excuses and can't see beyond their own wants.

[@qnkendra1523]

Ooo that first update- that was some beautiful truth telling fall out. I had a feeling the pressure for OP to attend their wedding was related to them spinning their romance for the rest of the family. Some version of "growing closer through our grief and pain" nothing about the years of cheating while OP's mom fought and lost against cancer. This kind of ugly deserves to be called out and if they truly had done nothing wrong what was the problem with telling the truth? Oh right they knew it was bad that's why they lied.

[@Letha-AnnCooper]

It’s unforgivable to cheat on your spouse while they are dying. Remind the family on all social media that for 3 years while his wife was dying he was playing house with a spicy new sexual playmate. Just gross for anyone to support your father.

[@Davtwan]

It would look bad if OP wasn’t there? THE RELATIONSHIP “LOOKS BAD” ITSELF. The nerve of some people to keep things swept under the rug. Sounds like the text caused the family members in OP’s generation to bug out. Good. The cycle of stupidity ends with them.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

My aunt was dying of cancer, her husband decided to buy his affair partner a house and give his dyings wife jewelry to her, before then getting rid of everything of my aunts after she died because the affair partner didn't want anything of my aunts around, this included throwing away and breaking my grandma's (aunts mother) hand painted china. If I was OP I would get a lawyer and press harassment charges to all the "family" members.

[@Garden366]

It always amazes me when people who lie, cheat, or generally hurt others with casual distain believe that time somehow deletes their actions and makes them guiltless.

[@Standinthegap4ever]

Maybe send a mass message out to everyone: “The reason I cut dad out is that, while mom was fighting & losing the battle with cancer, he was in a three plus year long adultery against my mom.” Edit to add: Op said he did let the truth out. It sounds like daddydearest has been lying to everyone & now the truth is out. Op should make sure his will is up to date so daddydearest & stepmommydearest will not inherit anything nor be able to establish contact with any member of Op’s family.

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

Story one: *What was the entire "family", including the "aunt", expecting?* Glad OP gave them the truth about why he cut off his "father" and his AP.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Last story: those parents are going to end up losing both of their kids the way they are carrying on.

[@tracygardner6318]

It’s bad enough when people cheat but when someone has cancer and you cheat on them, it makes it even more disgusting

[@ashl2115]

Story 1 - so many things to be annoyed about, but what sticks with me is this - you eavesdrop on a call, then get up upset at what you hear and blame OP? WTF!

[@bnd2nd]

If my dad's affair partner texted me like that I'd just send her a picture of my middle finger and leave it at that lmao. Why bother sending a wall of text to someone whose worth amounts to less than the dirt under my shoes?

[@taz598]

OHHH I know a plan that OP can do to that wedding and not go to it at the same time...........order a bunch of Funeral Wreaths with pictures of his mom and have them delivered to the wedding venue.

[@tracygardner6318]

Last story grandpa thank you for only wishing OP a happy birthday. OP never knew their twin. The parents need to get into therapy.

[@rachaelclark8465]

Story 1) I suggest getting a banner. Have it say "congrats cheater and home wrecke". Send it to the venue. With this you don't have to go anywhere near the wedding, but still gets your point across.

[@Psibound]

The twins story is just Fed up. They have never given there daughter a birthday and refuses to. They need to go back to counseling for this. The fact that people have let this happen for so long that its not until op stands there ground is ridicules. After year 5 would have brought it up and been like we understand your grief but are you keep tarnishing your daughters celebrations because they would be happening at the same time? All you are doing is putting grief on someone they have no actual connection with.

[@lindah3803]

The family should have had an intervention years ago. No one even attempted to ask OP how she felt about "sharing" or the "double candles". It says a lot that OP didn't actually realize until GP wished her a HBD in the hospital.

[@poppycopter]

story 2 - feeling like a parent doesnt love you at that age stays with you forever. good on op for getting full custody and taking her away from that.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

The cheating parent always has the enabling family demanding op forgive because they feel bad for not demanding he pay his penance for his awful behavior

[@8LyJu8]

Story 1: when talking with the AP I would have said "hopefully you won't get cancer! who knows what will he do" in a happy voice.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Story 1 made me so angry! 😡 It's almost like Dad was simply waiting for her to get sick and die so he could marry again and that's so disgusting! 🤢😡 Some people are just that heartless apparently. And even though I'm still side-eyeing them, I'm glad OP's relatives were told the truth and confronted the scumbag dad. He should be held accountable for his actions. OP had every right to never want to speak to his cruel father again in my opinion. He and his mistress deserve each other. They're disgusting. 🤢 I can only hope OP got to enjoy his last moments with his beloved mother. 💖

[@TheMamiFication]

story 2 I think OP needs to make a restraining order for the ex

[@robind7352]

1st story: father & mistress are foul and deserve no forgiveness.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: NTA - Your feeling are your feelings; they can't be wrong. Some things are just unforgivable.

[@BraveryWing26]

I am so glad OP stopped contact with all those enablers. GOOD FOR HIM.

[@BraveryWing26]

I so glad second OP got full custody! HAPPY ENDING for her and her lil un.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

Why invite the one person, barring dad and his AP, who knows the complete truth about how their relationship began. There are any number of benign excuses to explain away OP's absence. "My son isn't here because he felt that I moved on too quickly following his mother's passing. * big dramatic sigh * "I can only hope to mend that bridge someday. I've let him know that the door is always open." No muss, no fuss, dad gets sympathy, the truth stays buried.

[@Philsh12]

Fr, send out a group text to all those people saying ‘my dad was cheating on my mom while she was dying. I want nothing to do with him and will block anyone that tries to force contact’

[@user-fg4tn8ot6b]

That's what OP did. :')

[@Philsh12]

@@user-fg4tn8ot6b lol, yeah. Made the comment before the update, I was so angry for that guy I couldn’t wait.

[@ayushkumar-gk1zj]

Story 1: Hell can freeze over before his father can be forgiven.

[@meghaffer]

Story 1. If you have an affair, someone will end up very hurt. So don't turn around and get mad at the people you hurt with your actions when they express their very valid feelings. By getting the whole family involved in harassing OP to attend the wedding, the dad brought that mass text about the affair down on himself Story 2. I'm glad OP got full custody. It's so sad that the daughter lost her father, but it sounds like she's better off without him. His other children are not getting a great start in life though. Story 3. OP deserves her own party and her own cake. I can only imagine the grief her parents feel about her twin. And they have every right to memorialize him. But they need to do so in a way that doesn't harm their daughter. Both kids deserve recognition. I'm glad OP has her grandfather to help her out.

[@Deedoof]

Story 3: How heartbreaking, I wonder if OP was a boy, would she still be forced to share her birthday with her brother?

[@politereminder6284]

What really hurts is that the dad only tried to reconcile for the sake of the wedding, eith no effort to get to know how op has been for years.

[@JoJoGranum]

First story : NTA and these relatives all have guilty consciences. However they want to take it out on OP as if they are the ones all in the wrong. And the father is the biggest AH of all.

[@mcme1537]

Story 1: Why do people only apologise when they want some thing from you, ie: for OP to attend the wedding so that his Dad can look "good". Where was he year 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, ??. So its not worth it having a relationship with his son until his getting married. OP's Dad and family are AH's.

[@abelink9229]

Story 1: in OP's place I'd tell everyone "come judge me when your mom dies of cancer, now go spend time with your mom while you can instead of poking your nose in someone else's business".

[@amberleeannalee1999]

This happens all the time. These men stop maturing at 16 or maybe it’s when they get married. Cheating lying and leaving a wife dying of cancer is DISGRACEFUL DISGUSTING POS. He will be judged some day and there is no way to take that back

[@starfire4539]

This story sounds exactly like what happened with a relative of mine. Her mum was dying and her partner was cheating while she had cancer, she ended up passing from breast cancer.

[@fufufuaru]

oh man that grandpa in story 2 reminds me of that grandpa in another story who took in the OP after everything went shite with op's parents and when op's mother tried to get OP back even though OP didn't want to, grandpa said everyone "took their piece" and his piece was OP and he's not letting the (toxic) mother take him back 😥

[@iamdangerous5189]

Getting married seems more and more like a joy! /s How often do men take care of their sick wives vs wives who take care of their husbands? I smh. No thanks.

[@cpaul9269]

S3 - Parents are sick - that's freakin' twisted.

[@sxatcychan1988]

Terrible advice, but I say go to the wedding just to make a scene. The family is already accusing of being an asshole, might as well earn the label. Seriously though, when will people understand that time is not accountability? Edit: the girlfriend gets it!

[@spikeoramathon]

for story one, how about OP find pix of his mom's wedding to his dad and print out copies, then, slip into the wedding venue and leave them under plates, on chairs, on the cake stand, on tables, etc.

[@clarissagafoor5222]

1st story - OP`s aunt is the AH! They need to block everyone and move away, maybe even overseas, at least for a while. Shocking behaviour!

[@TheRichmaster24]

I think I would have made a comment like "why bother going when we know how serious his _in sickness & health_ vow will be"

[@raywhite7179]

I'd've gone to the wedding and say something about how I hoped the bride didn't get cancer because we all know how he feels about that. LOL.

[@nousernamesarevalid]

Story 1: Tell the family that they are all invading your privacy and disrespecting your boundaries. Your father abandoned your dying mother. Its unforgiveable. If he wants to try to make it up to you, he should show he cares about you. He only cares about himself, and OP deserves better than that.

[@ferbobjr4569]

I’d be in two minds, OP definitely did the right thing but I wonder if turning up and causing chaos at the wedding crossed their mind too. Because I considered that I’d want to do that, storm in and object to it after all they were invited and what are the dad and affair partner expecting when they know OP doesn’t agree with them or want anything to do with them.

[@elizabethlewis6455]

First story don't blame OP for blocking everyone.He needs to also take legal action against all of them that still supports the dad.2nd story Mom must get more legal intervention on behalf of her daughter.Protection order, Restraining any and everything to keep the so called Dad and his real family away.Him showing up at the school isn't good.Last one why didn't Grandpa step in tears earlier and put a stop to what the parents were doing to OP.Being treated as a non entity.They need help as does OP,in form of therapy