Restoring Your Marriage After an Affair (Part 1) - Josh & Katie Walters

[@vccvcc9694]

ANYTIME YOU TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE ACTIONS OF A CHEATING SPOUSE ….THAT GIVES SPACE FOR THEM TO DEFLECT RESPONSIBILITY…,THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL TESTIMONY OF GOD’S GRACE …,WE MUST OWN OUR OWN STUFF

[@dawnbishop1261]

Cheating is a choice. Period.

[@rachellelovesbroccoli]

I'm going through this right now! perfect timing

[@focusonthefamily]

Hi, Rachelle. We're glad that you were able to relate so personally to the content of this broadcast. Also, we have counselors here who can listen and pray with you. If you think it would be helpful, we invite you to get in touch with them. Here’s the contact info: bit.ly/2ItKdoE. Peace and blessings to you!

[@MikeSmith-kt5mj]

​@@focusonthefamilyDon't worry Rachel. Focus on tge Family will never hold a cheatibg wife or any women accountable for adultery. The Feminist who run the ministry hate men and the cuckold men will continue to be doormats.. Modern Evangelicalism

[@NeverTooSleepy]

I do not agree with the spouse victim taking any responsibility on the affair. It’s mind boggling. She chose to do that!

[@johnsonjj117]

No, any gaps in a marriage or unmet needs goes both ways. No one is a perfect spouse. I had many unmet needs in my marriage, even needs I verbalized and was told they “weren’t a big deal” yet chose faithfulness, duty and chose to love in spite of.

[@IreneAmayaevbo]

I find it interesting when there are stories of women having an affair, the comments are attacking the women for stepping out and how the husband should divorce her. But when its the men that commit the affair, folks are either happy that their marriage is restored and/or they blame the woman for xyz.

[@oterosocram25]

Each case is different but You have to understand the details on predominant cases: Women are more vulnerable than men Women are more emotional than man Woman are a direct path type of thinking, men has many compartments to process information There is a lot more but based on only these, Woman tend to cheat more and faster than men, it just more emotional not physical and also there is more divorce initiated by women than men (although majority of the percentage really don’t want to divorce) There is a ton of information but going back to Genesis I think it becomes a lot more clear

[@regondi]

Sorry, but that is a load of bunk

[@mikefrannywoodward3963]

That is not true... Why bring that into this forum?

[@beamupthetaco]

As someone who has been watching/listening to every bit of content I can get my hands on in an attempt to figure out gore to forgive my wife I can tell you that’s bunk. 9/10 videos where the wife cheated I see the hosts give encouragement to the woman and compliment her on her bravery, yet the men so often have a deep sadness in their eyes that I see and relate to and it goes unrecognized by the interviewer. It does not matter if it’s the man or the woman that cheats, the one that cheated should be face to the ground with humility and shame. The cheater is glorified 9/10 times as brave for coming forward but what about the abject courage of the person doing the forgiving.

[@gregrising3668]

I see the opposite, this was anything exception, but usually the unfaithful wife feels compelled to explain her needs were not filled and his shortcomings.

[@deejay7759]

It is SO dangerous to say that the betrayed is in any way responsible for a wayward’s affair. How hurtful. There are so many other choices s person can make other than cheating. If there are problems in the marriage, if you are so unhappy, tell your spouse, LEAVE, separate, go get counseling to help you be strong enough to tell your spouse, get marriage counseling. Ask a friend to help you tell your spouse. For Gods sake, take responsibility for yourself and don’t hurt you spouse and children. Be an adult and go get help before you are tempted to cheat. There is no valid reason to cheat. Church, stop blaming the betrayed for their spouse’s infidelity. Stop telling the betrayed they contributed to a bad marriage and that’s why the other one cheated! They don’t know unless the person tells them they are unhappy. Jesus didn’t blame others for your sin. You sin because you make the choice to sin. It’s no one else’s fault but your own. That poor man. Losing his job for her actions.

[@moniquewrites9046]

Amen!! Even the Bible says sin starts from your OWN desires! There are way to many resources out there and outlets. Jesus would always give us a way our. I see infidelity in this day and age with all the therapists and support groups as immaturity. Until we see it as such, it will continue to happen. Infidelity is a fig leaf to cover up the real hurt that someone is trying to hide. But it is better to be hidden in Christ. It starts as a single people. Is your mind wondering, do you have multiple affections? Are or were you abused? There are better outlets for healing than the dangerous acts of sexual immorality.

[@coolbrit56]

I agree with this. No decent counselor should be using these words at all. We have to stop this!

[@LegoAnimationGuy1]

I disagree. You've got 2 individuals who agreed to be married. Marriage itself is a different unit than the 2 individuals. It's the union of those 2 individuals. And because marriage is the combination, both individuals share in responsibility for it's wins and losses. No marriage will succeed if it's nothing but two individuals finger pointing. About anything and everything

[@deejay7759]

@@LegoAnimationGuy1 the beauty of it is that you don’t have to agree with me. I could care less if you do or don’t. I was in no way blame for my H cheating. No way will I accept that nonsense. It’s hurtful to blame the person who was cheated on. As I said above there are MANY other options a person has instead of cheating. Cheating is cowardly. Leave if you can’t control yourself. Open your mouth and talk to your spouse. Go get a divorce if you need to be with other people. Go get some freaking help for yourself if you can’t keep it in your pants. Stop hurting your spouse. It’s cruel. Man or woman up and go get help. Stop blaming other people for your choice to cheat on your spouse. You led the choice. The innocent spouse has no say in it. Most of the time they don’t even know how you feel about the marriage.

[@sistergloria8251]

His REWARD IN HEAVEN will be GREAT.

[@saraz9017]

Ok this guy is one of my favorites.

[@dawnbishop1261]

This woman is USING God’s grace to make herself feel better. Cheating is a CHOICE.

[@CesarI.]

I am a long time listener and admirer of Focus on the Family, it has ministered to me as the betrayed spouse of infidelity; I am grateful for the vast majority of their videos, articles, etc. This segment though gives me concern and I see several comments referencing the same idea...that unloading some or most of the responsibility of the spouse's affair (emotional and/or sexual) unto the betrayed spouse is quite frankly dangerous and not in my opinion biblically sound. The husband says in minute 16:52 "what are the choices I made that lead us to this place". That is heartbreaking to hear not so-subtle blame shifting, her sin (and the many decisions made daily in that sin) is her responsibility and no one else's. I like their acronym of S.T.A.Y. but I would argue that the S of "starts with me" is not a message of it starts with how I should've been a better listener/leader/etc and this would not have happened.

[@ChrissieLatham-w2c]

I agree with you 100%, I'm going through this now and there is NO excuse for stepping out of the marriage. If something is broken, you fix it, or you leave, but you NEVER use that as an excuse to cheat. It's the most gut-wrenching thing I ever had to go through.

[@Mrs.WordSmith.GEN_8zero]

Whew the ultimate tendency towards JUDGEMENT w/ out any Opportunity for hard but rewarding forgiveness through humbleness, grace & mercy offered up from the typical ‘ believer’ in this feed is pretty nauseating .

[@deejay7759]

100% agree.

[@lifegenius763]

Forgiveness and trust in marriage are deeply complex, especially after infidelity. It’s surprising how some couples manage to rebuild their relationships even when trust has been broken. But it raises questions when pastors or leaders who have faced their own marital issues, like infidelity, continue advising others on relationships. How can they guide other couples when they’ve struggled in their own marriage? Hopefully, pastors aren’t misusing their positions of trust in the community to deflect from their own pain by focusing on others’ struggles. Ideally, they’re supervised, actively working on their own healing, and addressing their own wrongdoings with accountability. Rebuilding trust takes sincere remorse, open communication, and a lot of patience-and for many, it’s crucial to seek guidance from those who lead with integrity 🙏🙏

[@johnsonjj117]

I think advising someone about an issue you have also faced can be helpful if done the right way.

[@smile4cla]

I don't understand why she is smiling throughout this episode. If I cheated, even if my husband and I reconciled I would still feel shame sharing my story

[@chrisr7597]

Feel badly for the 7 kids.

[@Doris-y5v]

never they think about the children only themsleves, the children suffer far more than a spouse

[@chrisr7597]

@@Doris-y5v Yes. The kids did NOT choose this. I see it as a betrayal of all family members. Personally believe family laws need to be changed with true tangible penalties for the offender(s) that would make this treacherous act TRULY ACCOUNTABLE for both men and women. Away with no-fault divorce. Do NOT marriage up if you are entertaining this abhorrent OS, especially with said enforceable consequences. Trust is never the same...no matter what words are said at surface level.

[@mchristr]

I'm thinking just the opposite. How glorious for their children to see real forgiveness displayed by their parents. What a fantastic legacy to their kids.

[@randomguy5704]

He needs to get a paternity test! The "devil made me do it" excuse is a way to duck accountability.

[@hariharankarthikeyan3604]

She said : My Heart is still not completely to this marriage and husband but Im keeping my Feet in this marriage and commiting to this relationship. What does this Mean? She is not in love and not attracted and leas desires with her husband?

[@paigepizzey6030]

Wow, what a great man.

[@HopeBloomswithRebecca]

This gives me hope ❤

[@Stacyaj10]

Having an affair is not the same as stubbing your toe…poor guy.

[@mchristr]

I think Josh's point was that Katie was walking in darkness. That doesn't excuse her sin but it opens the door for compassion and reconciliation.

[@rosemisatiofficial5428]

Mmmhh.....am yet to read the book, am feeling spiritual bypassing and not so much clarity.

[@patriciaclark800]

Felt the same way and downloaded a sample of their book and it's actually much better.

[@marietgagliardi]

I would divorce my husband if he had an affair. The trust would be gone after that

[@kellyburek1751]

First red flag is right off the bat when she said she had been to a Beth Moore conference. It is not biblical for a woman to be a pastor. She is a false teacher

[@YLopez-xg3dq]

Where in the Bible does it say a woman can’t be a pastor? Please tell me verse scriptures!

[@michellewilliams9988]

I actually stumbled upon it in Luke. Like chapter 2 or near it. Also, Google is free.

[@amandariddell7120]

Women can to be pastors, teachers and leaders of Christ

[@dana8208]

​@@amandariddell7120it does say in the Bible that women are not to disciple men in any church capacity. However, women can teach other women.

[@sistergloria8251]

@@dana8208RIGHT

[@kimberlyturner820]

He's so beautiful.. Like the Father

[@wannalatte8501]

This helped.

[@smile4cla]

This bothered me because she makes it sound like it is her husbands fault instead of hers. It sounded like he was having to convince her to stay as though she was the victim in all this instead of the other way around.

[@lisaberchtold2248]

Too bad they make money off a book. Just like Jimmy Swaggert - should have known better. King David made no money off his sin- he lost his son. I am not impressed or inspired I am just uncomfortable.

[@akferren1]

It won’t be the same just divorce

[@izakwessels8456]

Inspiring content, thank you.

[@focusonthefamily]

It's great to hear that our content has inspired you, @Izakwessels8456. Thank you for sharing that with us!

[@MikeSmith-kt5mj]

​@@focusonthefamilyFocus on the family always blames the husband for the wife cheating, but FOTF always makes cheating husbands to be scumbags....Then again so do most Christian wives

[@jessyjonas4988]

The woman knew it was her Too polite to say anything not wanting to cause division 🙄 Another woman would have simply said from the outset Leave my husband alone ..not as nice with some spice😮

[@jessyjonas4988]

@@lindsaygore8989 🐰you only need to know human nature

[@FarrukhKhan-v4k]

Not an iota of remorse on the face or in the tone of the cheater. So typical of this gender.

[@anaeliza5361]

So insightful, so powerful. Absolutely inspiring!!!

[@nickparsons1529]

Was this an emotional affair only or a physical one also?

[@carrielawton1955]

Emotional

[@focusonthefamily]

Josh and Katie describe this emotional affair on their website: bit.ly/48qPND6

[@nickparsons1529]

@@focusonthefamily Thanks!

[@lindsaygore8989]

That is not accurate. It was most definitely physical

[@nickparsons1529]

@@lindsaygore8989 What are you basing this on?

[@nelarizaj1613]

With all due respect,this is not really relevant for couples who are going through real betrayal -physically being one with another person.

[@priscillavelazquezs]

I couldn’t follow them very well… they don’t really say much.

[@Buttercup251]

A lot of preaching, but no helpful details.....

[@Manowar112]

They said a lot of words without saying much of anything at all??? Did they get divorced? Were they separated and if so how long? How did they come back together? How did the reconciliation start? Who sought reconciliation?

[@deejay7759]

They wrote a book. I guess that info is there. There's a part 2 coming as well.

[@focusonthefamily]

Thank you for your questions @Manowar112. Josh and Katie will be sharing more of their story on tomorrow's broadcast. You can find our daily broadcast here- bit.ly/3MQHyr0. We hope this helps!

[@MikeSmith-kt5mj]

​@@focusonthefamilyI can't wait to see more Christian husbands blamed for their wives infidelity.... That is Focus on the Family for you. Ever since Dobson left you guys are nothing but misandrist feminist.

[@debbiesiewertsen5145]

Stubbing your toe compared to an affair??

[@jessyjonas4988]

You are a Prince among men

[@Aphex96.]

So excuse me for not catching this but did she have a physical afffair or just an emotional affair?

[@moniquewrites9046]

Not to speak for them, but it doesn’t matter. Marriage is a bond that requires mind body and soul. Whether physical or not it was wrong. And until we see it as that, we’ll keep having Christian marriages that go through this.

[@deejay7759]

She didn't answer that question when he asked. She skirted around it but sounds like emotional.

[@carrielawton1955]

It was an emotional affair.

[@lindsaygore8989]

That is not accurate. It was most definitely physical

[@freetobe15]

She did answer directly in the video, and said, "Emotional." @ the 6:14 mark in the video.

[@davidsmnje]

Same old Christian bs, blame the "enemy" instead of your own choices and actions! Ps; this wasn't Katie's first and last affair, her hubby doesn't even know about the other one!🤣🤡

[@dana8208]

The devil does temp us into sin, however I believe she should have been more clear that she was the one who made the choice to become emotionally involved with this other man. We choose to sin, no matter how we are tempted. To blame our choices on the devil is not biblical. If the devil could make us sin, then Jesus would have sinned because the devil would have forced Him to. Jesus experienced temptation by the devil and still remained pure.

[@keithmaxwell5714]

Maybe she just wasn’t articulating it well, but it sure sounded like she was blaming the devil for her behavior. And a baby in the hospital!!

[@moniquewrites9046]

She was dealing with Limerance but because the church doesn’t talk about mental health, we blame it on the devil. Many men and women struggle with this but to have affection for a man for a year you’re not in a relationship with is maladaptive day dreaming (whether single or married) and it needs awareness, recognition counseling to heal from. It usually stems from childhood trauma.

[@theperfectimperfectfamily13]

​@@moniquewrites9046 Yes

[@rosemisatiofficial5428]

It feels like that to me as well.

[@colette24-8]

What is Limerance?

[@sammie1262]

An involuntary romantic infatuation with another person, especially combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated​@@colette24-8

[@LizzySueEvans]

She lost me at "Beth Moore"

[@patriciarowland8230]

I've heard many sermons that if they leave and get divorce they can't remarry.

[@dan-Michigan]

That teaching is incorrect.

[@completechiropractic246]

He chose "elected" me, elect angels changed becoming demons like Paul could Gal. 1:6-9, like Paul "elect" in Rom. 11 with Rom. 11:21-23; Deut. 31 "broke covenant""not forsake""will forsake" in Heb. 13:4-6 near marriage says otherwise. Mal. 2:14-16, soul tie only happens between one man one woman, "body and spirit" in covenant marriage, not adultery. She interrupts. Way too Prov. 2 potentially down the road.

[@jessyjonas4988]

Wife’s have that conversation with your husband You are not married to the other woman

[@jonnjones8263]

There is no restoring the marriage after an affair. Once that happens it's over. Don't even say anything just pack your things and leave. If a woman does that she doesn't love or respect you and if a man does that he doesn't have the conviction to keep his commitments.