I Want to Trust You...but I Don't - Lysa TerKeurst

Connecting with another person is a unique and special blessing. And when you come to know that person and rely on them, you place trust in them. So what do you do when that trust is shattered? On this two-day Focus on the Family broadcast, Lysa TerKeurst shares her personal stories of her divorce and friendships lost due to broken trust. She’ll help you learn how to have healthy and godly perspectives about trust and relationships so you can get on a path toward healing.
Get your copy of 'I Want to Trust You, But I Don't': bit.ly/3XUVDJp
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[@Koali2011]

Lysa thank you so so much for your courage and grace in telling your story of your journey. It is so encouraging to know the other side (the healed side) of that journey. You’ve been through a most excruciating long and arduous road and God had been faithful and everlasting in His love for you. I ESPECIALLY appreciate the part where you shared about how the devastation of divorce and emotional abuse and betrayal LITERALLY changes a persons brain. That’s physical and rock solid evidence of the damage it can do. Thank you thank you a thousand thousand times! I think people who’ve not been through divorce can fully understand the depth of damage it does to a person, heart mind spirit and soul.

[@agbfish1]

I have partnered with Focus on the Family for many years. I’m 64 years old. I went through a cheating spouse 24 years ago, she left me to raise my kids by myself since my youngest was nine. I agree with Lysa about trust. I am permanently changed. I have been born again for over 26 years. In my case, God made it clear so far that I am to stay single. I can’t imagine ever feeling loved again, and trusting it

[@focusonthefamily]

Thank you for sharing a little bit of your story, Tony. Should you ever need a listening ear, please don’t hesitate to give us a call at 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459). Our counselors will be glad to come alongside you in any way they’re able. We’re praying for you, friend. Your continued support towards our ministry means a lot to us. God bless you. - Naomi A.

[@claudiadiaz6713]

Thanks for this conversation- people assume that forgiveness equals restoration and they are not synonymous

[@danilaroche1156]

Right.

[@pamreinhardt6640]

absolutely the most honest, real and vulnerable Christian video I have ever listened to. Thank you for speaking against Christian religiosity on this subject

[@Sbongile_Gail_Moloi]

Love it when she says “uhm” 😍 it’s so cute. For me, this denotes that she is a good listener, not ready to speak out of turn but shows respect to the interviewer, attentive and processing everything. Thank you for sharing your story in honesty, Lysa 🙏🏾

[@DJH97]

Isn’t it amazing how we were taught growing up that we had to continually allow people to repeatedly walk all over us and be hurt over and over and just pretend it didn’t happen? That cause so much psychological damage to me. At 64 I have so many regrets of allowing trauma to happen to me over and over in the name of forgiveness.

[@brynne77]

I think mainly Christians are taught that with all due respect. That or being raised by a narcissist can make you likely to tolerate disrespect.

[@danilaroche1156]

​My mom & grandmother endured repeated abuse from their spouses. Brutality & I grew up thinking it was a given. I stayed with addicted, cheating, adulterous husband for 15 years. He was never sorry & I thought forgiveness meant staying. This was a phenomenal interview. I've followed Lisa for years but I'm going to be honest. I see no deep joy in her. There's a sadness there. Sorry.

[@DJH97]

@@danilaroche1156. Agree. Going through all that I went through as a kid and an adult I have gotten to the point of wondering “why”? all the time. Try to follow Jesus and his teachings but if you continually push things under the rug and put up and shut up you never learn any self worth. Is that how Jesus wants us to live? That’s what I struggle with constantly. It’s like where is “joy” in that kind of living?

[@normacarnera1530]

“I get to see what it feels like to be really loved and adored by a man…”😭 That’s been my prayer even before I was divorced after 21 years of marriage. I want to know what that feels like too.

[@troyannbladsacker1811]

I agree. 42 years of marriage and my husband abandoned me three years ago. I am 71 now, and because of the shock and trauma, I am experiencing severe health problems. I do wonder if I will ever know what it feels like to be truly loved and cherished by a man. 😢

[@anneshirley9560]

@@troyannbladsacker1811I feel the same way. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm just waiting to die. I'll know what true love is when I meet Jesus.

[@K9_Queen]

@@troyannbladsacker1811 while understanding this is a traumatic experience, was real love not felt in the 42 years with him?

[@kristinyoung2815]

Maybe, but can you see that that abandonment would ruin anything positive that went before? It probably all feels like a lie and that she was a fool and was just set up. That could just destroy a person. PTSD everywhere in her comment. 😢 ​@@K9_Queen

[@focusonthefamily]

troyannbladsacker1811: We're so sorry to hear about your struggles, friend. God understands your pain, and He loves you and cares for you. If you ever need a listening ear and prayer, please call 1-800-A-FAMILY. In the meantime, know that we're praying for you. May God be with you.

[@Buttercup251]

THANK YOU for bringing in LYSA TERKEURST, great wisdom in your choice!

[@mmp495]

I love her books. They’ve helped me so much with boundaries and trusting myself. I love the truth and honesty Lysa expresses that most of us can completely relate to. Keep up the lords work Lysa. ❤

[@leighannself6537]

Thank you I was in a marriage for 17 years with emotional abuse. It has been 11 years but I definitely struggle with trust. Things trigger me like the suitcase etc. thank you for allowing me to see

[@edub201683]

It was on this platform that i first heard Lysa's story including the vow renwal.She has been through a lot but her vulnerabilty and grace is such a poweful testimony!Congratulations on your new chapter💐🙏

[@traceymustaca4998]

How a person reacts tells you a lot....True

[@danilaroche1156]

Yes. Narcs can fake it but eventually the mask slips.

[@makaylaortega5530]

I am so grateful to hear this conversation- I needed this. Thank you

[@MaddenKCM]

Wow!!❤❤❤Lysa, you are such an inspiration! I want to be without dysfunction and God can help me as he helped you. Hope!!

[@SJD36]

Thank you Lisa❤ This interview has so many gold nuggets in it! Praise God for bringing you through and now the testimony that is helping so many people navigate their trauma and relationships. God bless you !

[@michelepascoe6068]

Thank you Lysa. Your book, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, really helped me.

[@whenyourgone1994]

Lysa, thank you so much for your words of wisdom 🙏 I ALWAYS learn so much from you and your humility 🙏❤️

[@dominiquerivero6611]

This is a very godly interview. Truths respect consideration from both sides of the desk. Many will be helped.

[@nicolemejia-e7b]

This is so good to hear... God didn't allow consequences at the moment to protect her. This is something I've been struggling with for years

[@lanabanana6849]

Lisa gave such a powerful insight that I will be listening in this video again.

[@syrwatdkhar6494]

Thank you and i pray to God to help me be a trustworthy man and husband Amen

[@tracylauzon3510]

Lysa thanks for your knowledge and expertise. This was so helpful. God bless you and ministry.

[@morganmills3626]

I'm just a bit frustrated with how Mr. Daley says that the light at the end of the tunnel is Lysa having a new relationship with a man. I did appreciate so much, this message in general but shouldn't the entirety of any Christian message be that Jesus is the light at the end of any tunnel?

[@darthjedi99]

Well she is living in adultery now , Jesus says if you divorce and remarry your in adultery. You can divorce but only death breaks the marriage covenant. Romans 7:2-3, 1 Cor 7:39, Mark 10:11-12, Luke 16:18, Matt 5:32, 19:9 and 1 Cor 7:10-11.

[@matrix5175]

Thanks for sharing! It’s crazy that we fight God so much when all He wants for us is the absolute best, but the absolute best is not a temporal best, but an eternal best for us.

[@jennylynn8314]

Lysa, i have known you for 30 yrs now. Wow, hard to believe. I have always thought so much of you. Praying for you and praying for your ex, who obviously i know as well. Much love!!!! ❤❤❤

[@Natalie-earth]

17:01 This is a profound insight. Thank you. 22:57 Yes!!

[@ginajanee12]

Thank you!! I’ve been waiting for her to come on and talk about her new book!!

[@becky-hx1ge]

Focus on the Family has changed so much!!! They used to be VERY MUCH AGAINST DIVORCE!!! Supported it only in extreme abuse.

[@katg5369]

Apparently her ex was repeatedly adulterous over a long period of time and was unrepentant. Divorce is allowed under these circumstances. Matt 19:9

[@laurakosch]

@@katg5369 Yes… how does this situation not even qualify as “extreme “? So odd

[@katg5369]

@@laurakosch 🤷‍♀️I don’t know either. It sounds like an untenable situation. Staying married to this man seems to only be enabling his disobedience to Gods word so .......I don’t have the wisdom needed in these situations. Certainly separation for pure sanity was needed. Also if this guy was still going to church maybe some church discipline would be needed. For his sake as well as hers.

[@usa2342]

Jesus said:" But now I tell you: if a man divorces his wife for any cause other than her unfaithfulness, then he is guilty of making her commit adultery if she marries again; and the man who marries her commits adultery also."

[@gloriamariadc7757]

Excellent interview & topic! & so we’ll done. 👍🏻👍🏻

[@maryannkinley5802]

Yes this happened to me and he actually said I don't love unconditionally you put conditions on it I said well I love myself to and it's not to the expense of myself.

[@AnGeLaOYA]

I have no reason to hope right now. I am drowning and after so many experiences with "professionals" I can't trust anyone anymore!!!!!

[@focusonthefamily]

We're sorry you're going through a difficult time, @AnGeLaOYA. Please know that we care about you and are here to come alongside you in any way we can. We have a variety of resources and even have Christian counselors on staff. If you think this would be helpful, please give us a call at 1-800-232-6459. -Luna H.

[@johnsonfamilyhomeschool675]

Put your hope in the Lord and not phycologists! He is faithful!

[@ambernatarelli3945]

Where one's treasure is, there their heart is also.

[@LianaChang]

Thank you so much Lysa. You are wonderful ❤

[@CoramDeo-n2z]

Bought Lysa's Trust ebook. Thank you, for writing it. I think Lysa's book goes well with also reading Dr. Henry Cloud's Trust book. Cheers! ^_^

[@traceymustaca4998]

King David made mistake and then was forgiven because he did not repeat it. Both big things he did were very wrong. But God can forgive if you work at getting forgiveness.

[@actmrhata5079]

Also interesting: We know about his relationship with Michal at this point. But what about his OTHER wife Abigail?

[@mchristr]

We've all grown up in this therapeutic culture, so much so that even in the Church, counseling is usually foundationally secular with Christian window dressing. True biblical counseling doesn't deny that hurtful things have happened to us but understands that revisiting those episodes doesn't change anything. Are you going to follow and obey Jesus today?

[@RCGWho]

"Foundationally secular with Christian window dressing" Most don't even bother with the window dressing.

[@jacksonamaral329]

I enjoyed It.

[@delindasmith5993]

“Behavior is a language” Dr. Dalony”.

[@RCGWho]

In a recent interview, she talked about one of her books about boundaries. She said that making boundaries is practicing self-control. For example, I tell you like as zif I'm your parent, "You are allowed to do xyz. You are not allowed to do xyz." IOW I tell YOU what you can and cannot do, ie I control or manipulate you or else. This she calls SELF control. Basic boundaries I get. Using boundaries as power plays or ultimatums and calling them self-control is warped. She repeats this here at 24:00 and 36:00

[@laurakosch]

Why is only one host engaging with the guest? I’d love to hear the other guy too 😢

[@jessyjonas4988]

Thanks for sharing

[@traceymustaca4998]

How a person reacts tells you a lot....TrueGod does NOT plan for you. You are a free moral agent. We were not created robots. Despite that statement, this is a very good show. We are NOT predestined.

[@sheriwilliams8942]

Look it up: Psalm 118:8 King James Version 8 It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. Better to Trust only the Lord. ✝️✝️✝️✝️✝️

[@shellyalbany]

Truly this is an answer to prayer 🕊️ Great Insight for my heart. God Bless Focus on The Family~ And God Bless You Lisa.

[@focusonthefamily]

We're glad you found the broadcast helpful, @shellyalbany! God bless you! -Luna H.

[@dietriamichelle494]

Amen, Lisa

[@merdinabaptiste3003]

I can relate to this very much

[@BrendaDavis-z2i]

I wish the 2 sessions were numbered! Or is it just me? 😊

[@lindajohnson5782]

Hope restored is this available on a book?

[@jessyjonas4988]

“Tidy things in your mind That you are seeing with your eyes” 💥 Don’t be unequally yolked with unbelievers Not everyone who says Lord Lord Ask the Lord for discernment

[@dianehenke2539]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I love this! Beautiful message ❤ Thank you!

[@kathleenwhite7446]

The inconvenience story is so prevalent in our society today...😢

[@VeronicaF7]

My thoughts on Lysa have changed over the years. When i was a baby Christian, these self help topics and books of hers would appeal to me. Now that i have grown in my faith and Word. She is more of a self-help teacher. Not a bible teacher. She waters down the gospel to make it fit HER message and struggle. I think she is wonderful speaker and good conversation for Focus on the Family podcast. But she sounds like the culture with the narcissist vs. victim and boundaries. Boundaries are good but how many books can you write on the topic? Let the ex husband be. Her platform is so big, she could spread the gospel and have women be victorious through the power of Christ, stand in right standing with God, be born again of the Spirit and make disciples. That is my opinion and my discernment regarding this individual.

[@2780-l2k]

Exactly. Heard of her a couple years ago and it appeared sound to me at the time (it’s not supposed to be this way, book), but it is spirituality mixed with psychology. She is not owning her role in getting to this point in her marriage. Yes, her ministry is wonderful but if it was always her husband then of course it strained their connection. Or, if he was immature and unavailable, and it drove her to create a community for support, that could also be what happened. Either way. Both parties are responsible for their biblical roles in marriage. Men leading, providing and protecting. Women, care home-makers, care takers (children or not), and over seer of the home (which you cannot completely be if you are not home).

[@ashleydanielson3222]

@@2780-l2k You're blaming her for her husband cheating on her?

[@amyrudisill947]

No wonder nonbelievers don't like Christians. We are to be the most compassionate not most critical.

[@mchristr]

I want to believe the best about Lysa and not entertain the cynical notion that she's just trying to sell books. And yet Christianity isn't primarily therapeutic in its message but rather transformational. Psychological techniques might make us feel better about ourselves but won't fundamentally change us.

[@johnsonfamilyhomeschool675]

So sad it took me so long to find your comment. I first had to wade through the praising comments. While there certainly are elements of truth in this podcast, her message is very secular. I am disgusted how secular psychology (much of which is witchcraft according to the Scriptures) has entered into the church.

[@kelleyvickers788]

Oh my goodness I would love to have doctor amin scan my brain

[@RCGWho]

Do your research. The scientific community sees these scans as unproven and bogus.

[@laurakosch]

Yes

[@EricaLopez-o1m]

But awesome info can soooo relate

[@RCGWho]

Her ministry is called Proverbs 31 Ministries. I can't see the Proverbs 31 woman hitting the Taylor Swift Eras tour.

[@andrewbender9399]

Really wish there was more help for the betrayed male

[@vintagebeliever5023]

It is probably out there, Ficus on the Family may be able to help 😊

[@focusonthefamily]

Hi, @andrewbender5023. We'd be happy to provide resources and even have Christian counselors on staff. If you think this would be helpful, please give us a call at 1-800-232-6459. We're here for you. -Luna H.

[@andrewbender9399]

@focusonthefamily Luna, thank you. I have actually attended hope restored in Bransom, Missouri, in the spring of 2023. It was helpful. I even read the entire book that was giftec. It just wasn't enough to deal with everything specific to our situation (or rather my situation). But i did get some help. Thank you again.

[@traceymustaca4998]

This can be regarding male or female.

[@michellelynn]

Yes

[@anneshirley9560]

You can see the trauma behind her eyes and she recalls memories of pain. :(

[@EricaLopez-o1m]

Doesnt let me give thumbs up

[@gracieluvzpink]

❤

[@viviennesutton9780]

THAT IS THE REASON YOU ARE TO SEEK GOD ALMIGHTY OUR CREATOR FOR YOURSELVES OURSELVES TO PREVENT US FROM GOING I TO BITTER SITATIONS YOU CHOOSE TO IGNORE OBVIOUS BILL BOARDS FOR ‼️🤔🤔

[@LydiaTheBusinessWoman]

All in CAPS. Have you never made a mistake?

[@traceymustaca4998]

The mistake here is to only point it to females, it is true of both.

[@sararivera6952]

They do say this issue of restoring trust after a broken dysfunctional relationships applies to both, men and women. Listen to the entire interview.

[@andrewbender9399]

Yes they do. However, if you aren't the betrayed male you really can not understand that perspective and the perception attached to that dynamic

[@angelacunningham8153]

2:15 “women and some men too”

[@BelasiAnsi]

🔥🕯️🏆🕯️ 🌈 tabe Wie sangen Taung tabe bulan Oktober bulan Rosario untuk ITE sangen Taung glory haleluya Amen 🏆🕯️🏆 🔥 🌈

[@becky-hx1ge]

Jesus didn’t lay down His life for certain people? Please give Scripture references…

[@laurakosch]

Timestamp? That is way off, if they said it

[@mul20]

I believe she said that Jesus did not lay down his life to enable bad behavior to continue. 25:30

[@winterchild5841]

I think she should just give us her therapist’s name -

[@autumncopeland1789]

Jim crest or cress, something like that. Lysa and him do a podcast together with Joel Mudamalle called "therapy and theology".

[@winterchild5841]

@@autumncopeland1789 Thanks, Autumn :)

[@BelasiAnsi]

🕯️🏆🕯️ selamat malam semuanya wahay saudaraku di mana pun berada di seluruh dunia internasional iman katolik world seluruh dunia internasional ampunilah segala dosa kita semua di bulan Oktober bulan Rosario tahun 24 ini glory haleluya Amen 🏆🕯️🏆 ngitu kaut ga lm sorry you everyone 🕯️🏆🕯️

[@perhagman6112]

There is no hope

[@kaylee3610]

Sounds like her x husband was a narcissist

[@danilaroche1156]

That & very broken. Unhealed. I've seen his picture. He looked shady. Sorry!

[@thelastjohnwayne]

I wished Jim Daly would quit constantly interrupting all of his guests. I also wished that he would quit making every broadcast all about himself He is a terrible interviewer. I am sure that he is a nice person but he is a terrible interviewer.

[@abidinginchrist7278]

I don't believe he tries to interrupt anyone, sometimes people just get excited and don't realize they cut people off, it has never bothered me. You could try to find a different ministry to listen to if he bothers you so much.

[@usa2342]

He asks questions that most people want to ask. He cuts to get straight to the main point of the interview, cause of limited time.

[@johnsonfamilyhomeschool675]

This is so dangerous! These kinds of teachings focus on modern "therapies" instead of the Word of God. Run people.....She has said many things that should be setting off your alarm bells.

[@RCGWho]

There's a huge movement towards 90% therapy and 10% Jesus. Jackie Hill Perry was selling merchandise that read "Jesus + Therapy".

[@danilaroche1156]

I think she did great applying scripture to her experience. She still seems sad though. I see no joy in her demeanor.

[@viviennesutton9780]

WAS THIS MAN STAYING IN YOUR HOME WHILE VISITING⁉️🤔🤔 IF YES⁉️🤔🤔 THIS SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED⁉️🤔🤔 MARY AND JOSEPH NEVER DATED, STAY IN EACH OTHER'S HOMES, ST. MATTHEW 1:19‼️🤔🤔

[@LydiaTheBusinessWoman]

Less of the caps, less judgement

[@vintagebeliever5023]

I was thinking the same thing

[@danilaroche1156]

​Maybe he stayed in the guest room.

[@darthjedi99]

Divorce and remarriage is adultery, she is living in adultery according to Jesus...Luke 16:18, Mark 10:11-12, Matt 5:32,19:9, Romans 7:2-3, 1 Cor 7 :10-11,7:39. Marriage is a covenant to death. Only death breaks the marriage covenant. You even say it in your vows. You can separate or divorce but 1 Cor 7:10-11 says you cannot remarry. Matt 5:32, 19:9 Jesus used 2 different word fornication and adultery and was talking about the betrothed period like Mary and Joseph. She is living in adultery according to Jesus. What if her husband gets right with the Lord and wants to come back? 1 Cor 7:10-11 says to remain single(unmarried) or get back with your spouse. Jesus doesn't divorce Israel and get a new bride,He takes Israel back. Shame on focus on family for supporting and promoting adultery. Second marriages are twice as high divorce rate not to mention what it does to the kids. She is selling books, that's what she does.

[@RCGWho]

It depends if her husband is in ongoing adultery or remarried. Her new husband is a divorcee as well, so it depends on the circumstances of his divorces.

[@mchristr]

A conditional covenant is one in which the two parties agree to abide by the conditions (hence the name). If one or both don't, the covenant is broken and no longer exists. The question as it relates to Christian marriage is this: If I'm freed from the covenant because the terms were violated, am I also free to enter a covenant with another? In other words, with the covenant dissolved and no longer existing, why can't I establish a new covenant?

[@janice9230]

Excellent question ​@@mchristr

[@jenniferthomas7906]

So I get that you divorced your cheating husband. So how do you justify your adultery by remarrying and causing your new spouse to sin adultery by marrying a divorced woman? Matt5:32 and Matt 19:9. These verses permit divorce but don't give permission to remarry without committing adultery

[@danilaroche1156]

Are you SERIOUS? Your trippin.

[@viviennesutton9780]

SAYING NAGATIVE VOWS ""FOR BETTER OR WORST, IN SICKNESS OR HEALTH..." THAT ARE NOT IN GOD ALMIGHTY'S HOLY WORD THE HOLY BIBLE‼️🤔🤔🇯🇲🇯🇲 YOU GET WHAT YOU CONFESS ""LIFE AND DEATH ARE IN YOUR WORDS‼️""😡😡🇯🇲🇯🇲

[@LydiaTheBusinessWoman]

If your husband is unfaithful he has broken the marriage bond. He has committed adultery. You are free from him if you choose to.

[@viviennesutton9780]

THE PROBLEM IS YOU GET INTO RELATIONSHIPS OF YOUR CHOISE BASE ON YOUR CULTURE OF "DATING" WITHOUT GOD ALMIGHTY'S GUIDANCE AND WAY OF LIVING HOLY LIFE WAY OF "COUTSHIP" AFTER GOD ALMIGHTY'S APPROVAL‼️🤔🤔🇯🇲🇯🇲

[@viviennesutton9780]

YOU GET WHAT YOU THOUGHT IN YOUR HEART, PROVERBS 23:7‼️🤔🤔 I PRAY NO ONE READ YOUR BOOK AND DO ANYTHING YOU ARE SPUING OUT, BUT GO TO GOD ALMIGHTY OUR CREATOR THEMSELVES FOR HIS WAY OF DOING EVERYWAY HE WANTS US TO DO IN THEIR INDIVIDUAL LIVES‼️🤔🤔🇯🇲🇯🇲

[@viviennesutton9780]

THE PROBLEM IS YOU GET INTO RELATIONSHIPS OF YOUR CHOISE BASE ON YOUR CULTURE OF "DATING" WITHOUT GOD ALMIGHTY'S GUIDANCE AND WAY OF LIVING HOLY LIFE WAY OF "COUTSHIP" AFTER GOD ALMIGHTY'S APPROVAL‼️🤔🤔🇯🇲🇯🇲

[@sidekickster8917]

@viviennnesutton9780 you're REPEATING yourself

[@whenyourgone1994]

You sound angry

[@itsamerrylife9128]

Huh? So if you just do it “right” you won’t end up in relationships where trust is broken?? That’s ridiculous. We can all only use the faculties that WE have. If you’re raised in a neglectful and emotionally abusive home, you will grow up without the faculties you need to understand what a healthy partner actually looks like much less how to be one yourself. This is real life in a broken and sinful world. It is full of struggles and trials and pain and growth. It’s messy in real life. If you haven’t experienced that then be grateful not judgmental.

[@janice9230]

​@itsamerrylife9128 Wow! You said it best! 👏