Forever Alone Woman Is Preaching

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[@ajtaylor8750]

I respect her honesty because there's a lot of men and women who say "screw the other side," but deep down they're just hurt because of the experiences they've had with the opposite sex.

[@Farhan_049]

And they're unwilling to explain their predicament when the other side tries to cooperate with them.

[@SmickyD]

@@Farhan_049 I'm glad you said that. i used to have a real problem trusting women from having a shitty mom to getting into bad relationships. it took a while for me to realize i was a part of that problem and only after that was i able to open up to a woman. I'm happily engaged now and she knows everything about my past. its a very vindicating feeling to let go of stuff like that.

[@jamespaul6315]

People who cause pain are in pain a lot of the time. I try to be mindful and understanding. Shes probably a decent girl under that

[@omnissiah7247]

A lot of people are saying "screw the other side" because the other side is saying "screw the other side". It's a vicious cycle.

[@JustAFatherlyNerd]

I literally will screw the other side

[@RandomKeto]

As someone who has lost a lot of weight, it's insulting to say that losing weight only changes her body. The discipline it takes to tell yourself "no" and follow through on a long term goal to lose 150 pounds? That would change her. For sure. And also, she's right. Most men like thinner women. Frustrating for those of us that struggle with weight, but life isn't fair. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@PostProteusKitten]

underrated comment

[@user-tj2bz4bd7g]

Very true I just watched some of you videos, congratulations on your baby 🎉

[@order7536]

Congratulations soldier 💪 🪖

[@ChildrensRightsFirst947]

When it comes to weight a lot of people simply want someone who's healthy. Being overweight typically means that person isn't exercising much and eats trash. It will inevitably cause serious health issues later in life.

[@chosenlight7289]

Congratulations love!! Ummm. Can you please help me and give me some tips. I would appreciate it ❤

[@01man01truck]

As someone who has lost 105 lb, this was a tough pill to swallow. I went from zero matches on tinder to being deemed the most popular person in my area. Initially it made me quite upset because I knew in my heart I was still the same person. But also I had to understand that no one owes me attraction. It is what it is.

[@thezu9250]

I think people try to pass looks as some sort of superficial want. But your ability to take good care of yourself is indicative of other traits that would make you a desirable partner. It’s not really just about how you look. It’s about showing that you have things like discipline, patience, or whatever. This is assuming you didn’t take short cuts to get to your goals. So a well groomed body and a well taken care of physique communicates more than just your physical shape. I mean the fact that you were able to lose so much weight confirms that you have those characteristics. It’s much easier to maintain short term especially while young than it is to lose a significant amount of weight. However, maintenance over decades is harder than losing a significant amount of weight while younger. I assign more of these values to men who are in shape in their 40s versus some 25-year-old. So congratulations on your progress! I hope you find a partner who cares about you for you but also will support the new lifestyle you have.

[@notsocooldude7720]

Were you swiping right on girls that you found unattractive? Nobody wants to be with someone they have no physical attraction to

[@IvanskiYakinovski]

@@thezu9250 Its tinder bro, it aint that deep 😂 but you aint wrong

[@elitsoerrosenberg]

It is what it is

[@drehardin]

Looks are imbedded in us and beyond that... in animals as well. 🦚Peacock birds for instance judge each other by their colors. Lions and Tigers by hair mane and muscle. It's not a definitive answer, but it allows the viewer a large clue into a person's/animals health status, capabilities, and priorities. Nothing wrong with it.

[@witch_painting_memory]

As a formerly very overweight woman who is now a healthy weight, I think losing weight for other people almost always fails. I had crushes on guys who told me they didn't date fat girls. Did I lose weight for them? No. Since junior high, my mother would always express her worries about my weight, but did that actually work? Nope. So what actually worked? Simply put, I didn't want to be a slave to food addiction anymore. I didn't want to be taking prescription drugs and feeling like crap anymore. I first tackled the addiction (which is the hardest part ngl). I finally found freedom from my addiction. Took me a while to take the next step towards health, but I finally did it. I am now the weirdo at social events that never eats the food lol. But I feel so much better physically and mentally. My self-confidence has not increased that much. The only thing that's different in that respect is that I feel proud of accomplishing a very difficult goal. But do I finally feel beautiful now? Not really. Am I more outgoing and charismatic? Nope. Do I have more friends? No, in fact, I have less now. Turns out, for some reason, a lot of people don't like it when their friends improve themselves and their lives. But that doesn't minimize all the good that has been done for me by losing the weight. It's just important to go into a weight loss journey with realistic expectations. Weight loss is absolutely not a cure all.

[@1a2a3a-io8bt]

I'm so glad you managed to beat your food addiction. I'm currently struggling with this addiction and it's honestly incredibly difficult. It's also difficult when I overeat, how I feel afterwards and I know how I will feel, but I still do it. Some days are harder, some days are easier.

[@stephs8277]

This!! Congratulations on beating food addiction. I am also on this journey. You’re right it’s not a cure all.

[@disposablehero9968]

I too noticed my friends have left since I dropped a lot of weight. I'm glad they did me the favor and removed themselves, I don't miss being the punchline to all their jokes so maybe it's for the best. Good luck on your journey.

[@obi-wankenobi1419]

Out of curiosity, why do you have less friends as a result of your weight loss?

[@witch_painting_memory]

@@obi-wankenobi1419 It's difficult to say for sure why they acted the way they did, maybe the weight loss had nothing to do with it. But to me, it seemed rooted in jealousy and bitterness they had towards my weight loss. At first, they would stage "intervention" type things to tell me that my diet was unhealthy (it was literally just gluten free keto, lots of meat and veggies--recipes prepared at home using mostly whole foods). They'd get upset that I wasn't taking their warnings about how I ate seriously. They basically were acting like I had an ED or something. They claimed I was just blindly following the advice of random KZbin "Diet Gurus" when I told them I can't eat gluten, despite my bloodwork clearly showing that gluten worsened my autoimmune condition. They would scoff and roll eyes anytime I would say I can't eat certain foods etc. They'd frequently try to tempt me to eat unhealthy foods I used to love. And over time, they started grumbling about basically anything I did, whether it was diet related or not. Finally, they kicked me out of their friend group, and we haven't spoken since. I was really broken up about it at the time, but looking back, I'm pretty glad to have their toxicity out of my life.

[@nervrenders]

As someone who lost 240 pounds I can tell you my personality changed from when I was heavier. When you feel better about how you look the way you carry yourself in social situations changes for the better.

[@fillerbunnyninjashark271]

I walk dogs for a living and have trained many people... A lot of them were pretty obese in the beginning. Couple years later they listened better to their body and lost significant amounts of weight. They all told me they were so much happier and just had less issues overall

[@nicksshitbro]

As someone who lost 125lbs. I agree! Just noticing the smiles from people that normally would have a grimace on their face, it has a deeply profound impact on your psyche.

[@olli3686]

Your personality changed the moment you decided to start losing weight because you chose self improvement and you chose losing weight as a means of self improvement. Congrats! However, her focus on weight loss over taking a shower or becoming less marginalizing of men is concerning. One thing I’ve noticed is there is a huge push for weight loss surgeries, which require you to permanently be on vitamins and medicine and often there are complications. People will undergo major surgery for a few pounds instead of adjusting their diet or exercise, and they always gain weight back because they didn’t have the will power, they cheated and lost.

[@DubcatcherAmazing]

@@nicksshitbroisn’t it crazy how random people grimaced at you because you were fat. You didn’t even do anything to them you were just fat😭

[@nervrenders]

@@nicksshitbro THIS! The people that will actually look at you or not giggle when they walk past. You either find yourself interacting with people who speak to you first or you find yourself walking into a store and not having to worry about every eye on you. Weight loss will definitely change your personality be it big or small, there will be a change and it will be for the better.

[@mathieul4303]

Self love culture can only do so much to make you forget your loneliness. We are beings that needs to see people. We aren’t made to be alone.

[@sababaratashvili8629]

Yep, we are social animals, majority of people are happier when they are with someone else.

[@Farhan_049]

Last time I said something like that, I was "web-crucified" by a triggered mob on Instagram!

[@mario125ww]

Don't listen to mainstream advice when it comes to psychology of people. Self love is just the new drug that people use to explain why someone is single. Just use your own truth

[@Reshme77]

Self love teaches us that we can find love. But if we don't We'll be ok

[@waynewayne8419]

You’re just needy lol

[@csbrown9322]

As a person who has struggled with my weight and attractiveness to women my whole life, I understand. But people are generally attracted to attractive people. It's a difficult pill to swallow if you're unattractive and/or very overweight. This woman isn't even ugly! She could lose the weight and be extremely attractive to many men.

[@thelastgoodmaninjersey]

Just visit the Philippines and the women will find you exotic. It's such a wonderful bizarro world.

[@CozyRomani]

It’s just a matter of if you willing to change for yourself without self-loathing. Currently she’s still in self-loathing/finding the love for herself to get better. But honestly she just needs to work out and stick to a system. Discipline creates a greater individual

[@greglane501]

Yes. You could tell she'd look really good if she just lost the weight.

[@Glace1221]

I mean I think she's pretty now

[@trianglesandsquares420]

@random269 Height struggle is not a thing girls understand. If a guy is truly short, he can aim for either the really short girls, fat girls, or the super tall girls who also struggle with height. Otherwise, he's probably not short at all he's just psyching himself out.

[@juanis8219]

All things considered, I really appreciate her honesty. It takes a lot of guts to come out in to the viciousness of the internet and talk about this. I hope she’s gotten good advice and some insights that are helping her. I can def relate to never really meeting the good guys once you decide to stop putting up with the douchey guys. This isn’t to say there aren’t still a lot of good guys out there, but they’re definitely either more introverted, or just busy doing something productive with their lives lol, so you really don’t encounter them often unfortunately. It’s wayyy easier to meet shitty guys cause they are always out on the prowl.

[@realtsavo]

For me, it's the fact that I'm somewhat awkward, and slow at picking up social cues. As a result, a lot of women who might have been interested in me lose interest quickly. Those that remain are usually not the kind of women I would want to be in a relationship with. It's frustrating, especially when you shoot your shot with someone you like, they seem open to it at first, but then, for whatever reason, that interest gets lost, and the only conclusion you can come to after it happening repeatedly is that it's something you are doing (or not).

[@ArbiterDan]

One issue with dating I keep hearing about is "all good men are taken". Which is somewhat true, I know some men my age (30-40) who are still unmarried but I have to admit they have issues. Either they don't want to commit, like ever. Or they have some major character issues. The best way to get married is when you are young. The current problems today is young people are very immature and are in no way equipped to start steady relationships. So they wait, they get fat, they get bored, are low-energy... well good luck finding your "forever-after" match.

[@scary5455]

If a male incel said all this, you'd just roast him and tell him to self love first

[@scary5455]

​@@ArbiterDan It's not true at all. 60% of men under 30 have been single for a year or longer. The fact she can even show her face proves she has more smv and dmv than Dream, who got roasted for showing his face even when it's not ugly and he isn't overweight.

[@juanis8219]

@@scary5455 huh? English please

[@Nightmare-we8vm]

My best advice: 1. Surround yourself with people who share your values. 2. Don't set high standards for a first meeting. Most positive relationships are the result of both people making changes to better fit the couple. 3. Realistically differentiate preferences from needs. Height is a preference, non-abusive is a need. People often neglect their needs to get what they want.

[@SamanthaP48]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Yes!!! Realistic EXPECTATIONS!!!!

[@ChildrensRightsFirst947]

Not knowing this woman it really isn't possible to say what the problem is. It could be her weight, but maybe not. A lot of people aren't aware of their own patterns of behavior, and how they come across to others. She could be doing things that are off-putting to the men she likes.

[@coolcat1530]

It's not her weight. Period. There are PLENTY of men who don't give a shit about weight. @@ChildrensRightsFirst947

[@MATERNATION92x]

4. Lose some weight

[@MahsinurRahmanLava]

My best advice.... be you and see what happens

[@lazcoroner1483]

It's a shame that these women are just realizing that they were lied to when it comes to the body positive movement.

[@xbabu142x]

I'm still in shock and awe that they managed to spin not being able to make it up a mild hill without being out of breath, or needing to ice your joints due to being out and about as a good thing honestly.

[@haileyquinnzel]

Size isn’t everything. When I was skinny, my fat friends got way more attention.

[@hexgp]

@@haileyquinnzelthen be fat since you’re going off your own experience l. Just be fat and find guys like your friends did

[@PickyVickyVindictive]

She never said anything about the body positivity movement.

[@976toya]

I was honestly content to stay fat the rest of my life because of it. Diabetes and high blood pressure be damned 🤦🏿

[@malikhudson4128]

Honestly it’s painful dating someone like this, I did for three years and her insecurities ate away at her and the relationship. I tried my best to help her get out of that train of thought and also lose weight but it never stuck. Truly do hope the best for people like her.

[@inexpertxennial6067]

You said like part of the problem. She didn't need to lose weight and you even telling her one time was abuse coming from you.

[@Ireallycantthinkofahandle]

@@inexpertxennial6067iv been through what OP said at one point and no- we are not the problem. I had a GF and she gained a ton of weight and she always complained about it but she never really did anything to curb or lose weight. One time accused me of secretly resenting her for her weight gain. we were both not right for each other at the time. Now I think things would have been different as I matured but I just wish the best for her.

[@bigol9223]

​@@inexpertxennial6067 "trying to help your loved one live a healthier life is abuse"

[@youtubesucks3882]

@@inexpertxennial6067 womp womp cry about it

[@trianglesandsquares420]

That was nice of you, I hope others will benefit from relationships like that and maybe you helped her on her path too.

[@toodlescae]

The thing is she's a pretty girl but, as someone who let past verbal abuse from my bio father drag my self-esteem down for years, the love yourself advice is right. The self pity puts the good ones off. It wasn't until I was in my 30's and my preteen daughter told me "Mom you always tell me how beautiful I am and think you're ugly but Mom I look exactly like you. If I'm beautiful then so are you." that I got kicked out of that cycle and came to like myself. It didn't take long for me to decide that if other people didn't like me or find me attractive for whatever reason that it didn't matter as long as I like me. I always marched to my own beat and I still do. I found people who liked that I did. I may be single now but I wasn't always single.

[@iren461]

She would be considered a 4 by men’s weird looks chart, and even incels think they deserve 7+ on their scale and think ‘homely/plain looking women’ are below them, even the chubby, balding ones. It took me ages to find a committed guy in my life, and I’m not bad looking but I’m not beautiful either (I’m a 6) so I get where she’s coming from. Seems many guys may date you but if they are disingenuous and shallow, which unfortunately many seem to be, they’ll always be looking for a ‘better looking option’ and just ghost you when they think they’ve got your replacement. This happened to me 3 times by guys who dated me for 2-3 years and this wasted my time, should of been honest at the very beginning. I gave them trust and space and this is how I was repaid, ironically whenever they ended up single again, they’d emerge from under a rock trying their luck with me again and I’d shut it down.. but that goes to show what people they really were. They don’t want to ‘settle’ (their words) for their female looks scale equivalent, or someone below a 7+ attractive period.

[@TheGbitte]

She's an very obese girl, she's literally on the level of very obese men, not chubby @@iren461

[@user-mm9ve4le6m]

​@@iren461 Hey, I'm a guy who is below average and I want just want to add my perspective to this. First of all, she is definitely my type and I would date her when it comes to her looks. Her hair and clothing looks alternative, and that style makes up for her being a bit chubby. She is at least a 5.5 in my weird looks chart. Take this with a grant of salt, but from my perspective, pretty much most women also think they deserve a 7+. The only difference is that this rating already puts a guy in like the top 20 % of attractiveness. Most men are not rated very highly on the looks scale by women. So if you are a 4-6 then it might work out with a 7+ guy, but you are setting yourself up to get used (sorry for all these bullshit numbers but I don't know how to communicate it otherwise). Men are not more shallow than women, it's just that they have literally 0 standards when it comes to hooking up with girls casually. Getting a guy to sleep with you doesn't mean that he wants to be seen with you in public. I know it's hard, but it is how it is. Men don't want to be seen with fat/ugly girls, women don't want to be seen with short/ugly men who are noticeably below their own league. So you have to swallow the hard truth: maybe it's not just men who are shallow. It's probably also you. That's why you end up with disingenuous men. There are so many guys out there who would want to date women like the girl in this video (me included lol). However, we are seen as too insecure, too introverted, maybe even too feminine or just not physically attractive enough for y'all. Let me add this: I had a girlfriend in the past and even another friend of hers told me that she thinks it's great how I didn't pressure her into sex and she noticed that I treated her well. Obviously this is just the basic minimum - I agree - but I'm just saying, I'm not pretending to be a good person and then dumping every girl that gives me a chance. I'm not using anyone for sex. We below average men always get shit on, and people call us nice guys, incels or whatever, but we don't get chosen either, because y'all want your tall, confident, popular and good looking boyfriends (Even if you think of them as equal or below you, they most likely are much more attractive relatively speaking than you think. So you are always competing with other women.). But they probably only want sex, otherwise they wouldn't date you, as hard as that sounds. You need to realize how your own preferences set you up for failure and you need to stop blaming men for being shallow. We are all the same. The only reason men don't get used for sex is because many of us are not seen as desirable enough in the first place to even have casual sex with. Bo Burnham once said: "If you want love, lower your expectations". (english is not my native language)

[@lemao2222]

Self-love is important. But it’s not to be confused with narcissism.

[@Ash_Wen-li]

Just like a lot of people confuse preferences for standards

[@Jeremy-wp4yh]

Well said

[@noblegalifreyan4551]

The problem is that some people begin to love themselves too much and almost defensively. Self love is about doing stuff for what you need not doing stuff for what you want or feel.

[@pezza2113]

Self love for a lot of people has become an excuse to not self improve, true confidence comes from having something of value, a lot of people forget that these days:/

[@satyamshukla3764]

I agree. Self -Love must provide the basis for an individual to self-improve. Otherwise self-love loses its purpose and just serves as an excuse to not improve.

[@battlerifle8642]

If a dude can't get into a relationship, he's told he has issues- he needs to work on himself, go to the gym, change his incel mindset, and my favorite: get therapy. When women encounter the same issue it's because the system is inherently broken and not seeing the "value" in them. For the record, the advice men get is good and should be the standard for BOTH sides.

[@gianni_schicchi]

Yes, they're very coddled. It is what it is. I went from depressed and getting fat to proud of myself in short order by taking control of what I could and letting go of that which I could not. I could only do this because I knew no one would do anything for me, family included.

[@FleshWizard69420]

Yeah therapy has turned from a piece of advice into a weapon

[@steven1671]

The reality is that men are usually held up to a high, sometimes even unattainable standard. Which is great. It's usually good to always strive to be the best version of yourself. But women are told that they're perfect as they are, which translates to them feeling like they don't need to meet any standard, which is actually counter productive and harmful to them.

[@DonVigaDeFierro]

​@@FleshWizard69420Ah. Yes. Therapy: Wait months on a waitlist, get a chemical imbalance in your brain diagnosed by having a 10-minute conversation, get told that you need expensive and extremely addictive opioids, and get charged for it...

[@tsunamisoybeans]

100% agree. Hard work and self-awareness aren’t preached to women nearly as much as they are to men. It’s done a huge disservice to women as a whole. Of course there are plenty who are willing to self-reflect and put in the work to better themselves. But there are still a good chunk who choose to do nothing and demand that the rules of attraction be bent for them. It’s disheartening to see.

[@w.a.s.davila78]

As a female who has dealt with weight issues I can honestly say that weight loss and gain DOES change who u are. When I dropped weight I was more active, had less back pain, liked myself, shopping again, going out, Getting that attention she spoke of wanting, and because you feel good and look good, your confidence goes up and an increase of confidence alone goes a LONG way. But when u gain weight ur back n body hurt more, u don't feel good, ur not as active, clothes u want to wear don't look right or just don't fit making the depression and low self-esteem increase only making it all get worse till u radiate sadness, envy, jealously, anger, low self-esteem, low self worth. So weight does play a big roll in most females lives. BUT if you can love yourself find confidence as you are you can find happiness and maybe with someone but no one wants to be with a negative person that they have to spend every moment reassuring you(skinny or fat). FACT, different Men like different body types but NO man likes when they go to be intimate and ur distracted by ur insecurities, all u wanna do is cover up the body that they wanna love on. So u need to find a way to love yourself as you are and if you can't, then work on you. There's plenty of workout apps to help keep u on track if it's what u really want. Do u want it bad enough to work for it? Cuz 💯nothing worth having comes easy. And u gotta be realistic because even all the exercise in the world won't make us look how we want sometimes we r left with saggy skin or stretch marks so we really do need to learn to love you first.

[@keyboardking8008]

Are they attracted to fat women ? Or are they staying with these fat women because they don't have other options

[@ollynolly4592]

Honestly I lost weight and became a recluse. Being treated better in my skinny body distroyed my self confidence and self worth especially because most of the people that treated me better were my own friends and family. I never realised how much they must have found me disgusting, I guess. I've gained a lot of the weight back and I get a lot less attention now but I am also happier for it. I eat what I want, I exercise to keep a healthy heart and a clear mind but I put the number on the scale at the very back of my mind.

[@keyboardking8008]

@@ollynolly4592 men like women that take care of themselves. That bullshit ( if someone loves you , they love you no matter what ) is just horse shit feed to you by mainstream media. - would you love a man for his personality if he didn't take care of himself , didn't keep a job , wouldn't protect you ? .. no , no you won't , you would leave him in a heart beat ... and rightfully so

[@ohmielevisope4237]

This girl woke up and chose honesty about her feelings. I can even relate to what she feels, there is a certain itch in your brain that can only be scratched and sated by a partner. No amount of friends and family will be able to satisfy that need of intimate love. If more people where as good at comunicating as her, this world would be a better place

[@duanejrc]

I’m friends with a girl that used to be really fat and her personality completely changed. She used to be the girl in the girl group that got used and when she lost weight her confidence went up and she cut those mean girls off. They tried to paint her as the villain but most of us knew she was really sweet and just wasn’t going to be a doormat anymore. Confidence combined with genuine kindness is very attractive so combine that with her being in great shape and her options are night and day. It’s anecdotal but I’ve seen the change extreme weight loss can have and it was positive.

[@wiseguy240Winston]

This is proof of the argument that women often don't want their less attractive friends to be aware of why they aren't attractive and what they need to improve. Ever notice the skinny attractive women supporting obesity and plus size movements and ppl? If these women got cheated on and the guy chose a plus-size or obese woman, these chick's would be enraged and feel disgusted losing their man to a fat girl. This is a method these women use to kill potential competition. Use her as the ugly friend to boost their appeal 2 men.

[@207humanity]

Even when I was thin, I never had options in terms of men. I’ve just never been regarded as a potential romantic partner to any guy. Men would’ve loved to use me for sex, but I always denied their advances. I want a loving relationship, not hookups. Some of us do struggle to attract the opposite sex, and we don’t know why that is. Some people get into a relationship without even trying, others never find anyone and don’t have any options considering dating.

[@BNezzy]

majority of humans deep down in their subconsciousness are extremely cruel, selfish, and mean. The ones who virtue signal are often the worst ones as the virtue signaling is often a shield to hide their true nature.

[@GFODT562]

@@207humanitylmao it’s you. You reek of narcissism

[@mystiquevening]

@BNezzy I agree with us being selfish. We’re animals and everything is “selfish”, trying to survive and the higher the conscious the desire to thrive comes in. But I don’t think most people are cruel and mean. I think most people have a desire to have good relationships. But if society and family aren’t teaching the right tools we struggle to go about it the right way. It’s very difficult to see our actions and words from another’s perspective. Takes a lot of clear communication.

[@jonathanwalker9429]

I appreciate what Aba said about how being obese is an issue of self-care, because I’ve got a lot of weight to lose myself and I refuse to have a pity party acting like women ought to take a chance on “the real me.” No one is obligated to be attracted to us, and I want to put in the work to better myself rather than blame the world for my own choices.

[@danielk.english6004]

you can do it! start with small things, make those into habits, and build your way up gradually.

[@tendressenk.9716]

💯💯💯

[@jaxorgate]

fr I’m losing all this gross fat before I ever try to get into dating

[@SigmaGentPodcast]

I recommend looking into the Blood Type diet. It's a pretty sustainable diet solution.

[@Jason-mh1pl]

People want healthy beauty, muscle or toned body yada yada. Thats the truth, you cant change that. What you can change is your weight though which will get you closer to the beauty standards, which leads to more attention. Which changes your interactions as a whole. Push ups, sit ups, squats, and running. Try all that and your gonna be unrecognizable

[@VioletFoxisms]

From my heaviest, I’m 80 lbs down. I got a very serious health condition to the point of having limited mobility. I started going to a workout studio, got more mobile and built muscle. I go 6 days a week at 6am now, and am 20lbs down from last year. The gym gives me structure and pride that I actually did this for myself! I’m proud that I have the willingness to go through the discomfort of getting my butt out of bed at 5:30am everyday to get a workout in! I’m more mentally positive and love taking care of my body. It shows me that o can push my perceived limits ❤️ I’m married and my husband finds it attractive that I’m motivated and push myself. He’s also a very motivated person who takes care of himself. Like attracts like!

[@UntamedMelissa]

What's crazy is I've been super skinny and the dudes I dated became super insecure and lead to breaking up. Then, now being bigger and still feel like the same person and dudes assume I'm insecure and don't give me the time of day. Weight is weird and how people approach it is different. When I was super skinny I was the most unhealthy and now sober, don't smoke, and eat healthy I've gain a lot of weight. That's how my body responded to the years of abuse I did to myself to be skinny. You can not judge a person's journey by what they look like.

[@UntamedMelissa]

​@UncleTom854-bm5lv what does that have anything to do with my comment? Why would I swipe right for everyone when profiles clearly state preferences I would not be aligned with. My comment was stating you can't tell by physical appearance if some one has insecurities.

[@UntamedMelissa]

​@@UncleTom854-bm5lv reading for common interests is not judging looks but ok 👍

[@srose7366]

We can judge, absolutely. Just because you know things are different people shouldn't assume the worst or best. Our eyes decide first then our mind, that's biology.

[@UntamedMelissa]

​@srose7366 yes you are right we were conditioned that way. A persons energy is a lot more noticeable than looks. Our eyes are only one of many senses. To rely only on one explains why we have relationship issues. I was just stating a persons looks doesn't always reflect the journey you think they are on. I was also giving examples of how assumptions people had of me didnt match who I really was at those moments in my life. Life is awesome and lots of cool opportunities come but I had to let go of people unwilling to see all of who I am and keep moving along in this amazing life.

[@Amatullah7007]

I'm so glad your healthy 😊

[@katmadison7607]

My daughter went through a similar phase. She wasn't all angry at men. She was just up in arms. Her sister-in-law spoke with her and made her realize she needed some "self improvement." It worked..and she also just expanded some of the things she did socially. Not bars or anything. She just started going more places. Where people go in larger groups.. this girl needs to do the same.. she is limiting herself.

[@zoulzopan]

going to more places like what? do you have any examples?

[@greuju]

I mean yeah but she needs to lose a lot of weight.

[@yn7751]

@@zoulzopan I know some people at work who tell me that they have a lonely lifestyle, but they also never partake in activities at the workplace, make the effort to talk to people etc

[@johnniewalker3134]

​@@zoulzopanhobbies and games. The mall. Concerts. Camping on the river. Ect.

[@riccardocacchioli9952]

She just need to lose weight and learn to cook

[@markfelgas740]

Being a male on the heavy side for over 20 years and being single for at least 17 of those years, I finally came to the conclusion that I'm the one that hinders my life, happiness and relationships and since last year I've been working to better myself body and mind. I think she needs to realize that it's not other ppl fault that she's not happy.

[@BrianThaLion99]

Brotha Im slim as a pencil and fit... We're in the same boat. Lose the weight for YOU but these women out here are the same for me and I'm skinny. You're not missing much as far as that.

[@jonasrmb01]

​@@BrianThaLion99 Ever thought about going to the gym?

[@noaharthur9041]

@@BrianThaLion99 you gotta hit the gym bro. Or start increasing your calorie intake.

[@rorynolan2322]

​@@BrianThaLion99plenty of big people are in relationships and plenty of very skinny people are in relationships, you put up your own barriers with attitudes like that.

[@BrianThaLion99]

@@jonasrmb01 Ok skinny as a pencil was hyperbole. Im fit. 5'11" 180lb athletic build. Im just trying to relate to bro and let him know that even dudes who arent overweight are encountering the same issues. He shouldnt feel excluded because of his weight.

[@elizabethl3092]

as a fat woman, i don’t expect every man to find me attractive and want to be with me. i used to get hurt about it but i look at things realistically now. im not attracted to every single man i see so why are men any different? the only issue i have is when people use my weight to undermine me, i believe that’s disrespectful. but no one is obligated to be attracted to me. i’ve mostly been with skinny and fit guys and i used to wonder why they would like me but now i realize that i do have a lot of good qualities that some guys look for, physical or not. i am trying to be more healthy, i workout regularly and i try to eat within a calorie deficit, it’s difficult though because i have pcos but i still try my best. of course though men can’t tell that by looking at me. so im at the point where im just living my life and i know that i will find someone who will appreciate me and someone that will love me and my body alike

[@geneoakley]

You still live with the expectation that the kind of man you seek will someday appear. You're better off coming to terms to the prospect that you'll remain alone. As straight man, I have. Made my life much easier.

[@CEWIII9873]

Why not simply watch what you eat and go for walks?

[@st.toussaint4632]

This was a cope

[@elizabethl3092]

@@CEWIII9873 did you not read? i literally said i workout and i eat within a calorie deficit

[@elizabethl3092]

@@geneoakley i’m not alone, and i will never be. men are still very much interested in me at this weight. and i literally said im working out and changing my eating habits for my health. i’m not going to lose weight for a man to like me, i want to lose weight because i want to. i would never change myself to get a man

[@KaimaVixen]

This video brought us so much for me. Add her experience and being a black Ellen. Surrounded by your non black women friends and seeing their contrasting experience. If you have never felt invisible to the extent she explains. Count yourself very fortunate. Her video speaks to a silent majority who are literally ignored for love,

[@MK-hw2ir]

Nowtry andbe a 5’4 dude, a new world will open up to you

[@TiktokBro154]

Womp womp I bet you wouldn't look in the direction of a guy who is under 6ft

[@keyboardking8008]

You have to take care of yourself as a woman , ain't no going around that

[@KaimaVixen]

Those obese guys aren’t checking for her either. You tell yourself that as if you’re a victim, and believe this narrative so you can be mad at woman. You control your reality by what you think. If that’s how your feel about yourself, you can always change that and be the best version of yourself instead of waiting for a woman to validate you.

[@bigd3721]

as a man, I used to be 340 pounds and I’m down 100 pounds now, and I have been skinnier. I can tell you women care about looks, and it bothers me that they want me to accept them at their weight, but didn’t they didn’t want to accept me at my heaviest.

[@calebco7985]

The whole relationship dynamic between men and women is really just one big rules for thee not for me. In time men need to learn women don’t truly like men they just see us as tools for they’re objective.

[@MojoChino]

100 lbs? You okay? That sounds unhealthy

[@JorgoSimonidhi]

​@@MojoChinohe said 100lbs down. So he's 240 now

[@bigd3721]

@@MojoChino not enough, need to be around 180lbs. i’m 6ft

[@MojoChino]

@@bigd3721 I’m sorry I read that as you were down TO 100 lbs 😅😅😅 my bad! Good for you !

[@maj197]

This woman just described how most regular men must feel with being rejected and ignored for just being themselves. Side note: perhaps she just tune out social media and work on self improvement.

[@Maithebandit]

Men always making it about themselves

[@sosmooth13]

It’s all about finding that potential match. It’s harder nowadays due to the current social climate between men and women. When I first got on Tinder in like, 2015, nowhere near as many men and women had such strong opinions on dating the way they do now. You just rolled with it and tried to make the best out of getting to know the date you were with.

[@michaelturley3457]

I think they went a little hard on her only going after bad men. The reality is she’s young and unfortunately not very pretty most young guys aren’t going to want to settle on her. If finding a man is that important she’s gotta take care of herself enough to lose weight and she will be treated better. I don’t think she is going after bad men, it’s just no “good” aka decently attractive man would want her especially at this stage in her and the guys life.

[@dooooodeses]

Perchance.

[@Godfailedyoustophumpinghisleg]

​@michaelturley3457 Lets be honest, is she the one going up to guys asking them out? She could lose weight and then be a person, what are the requirements for men? It's more than losing weight. Way more.

[@satisfiedskullservant]

I'd give her the same advice I'd give a man in her situation. Get a haircut, wash your hair, take care of your skin and hit the gym. Give it 6-12 months of consistent effort and you'll be fine. That's self love right there, not all these hollow words and thoughts. Take the time to take care of yourself.

[@KatieBeeLee]

BS. You can look as good as a supermodel and there are still plenty of guys treating you like this.

[@rustyhowe3907]

@@KatieBeeLee THIS! I'm no super model but well cared for and I STILL get the "I could go for a 7 over you who's a 4" mentality.

[@jamiekelly759]

​@@KatieBeeLeethere's plenty of women treating men like shit there's plenty of men treating women like shit it is what it is. You know what's not going to make it better? Being in a state physically and mentally where you repulse even genuinely kind people who would give you a chance

[@KatieBeeLee]

lol trust me, I go below my league lmao and that still don't work. I know it's me - so I'll just accept it lol @@Wandering_nomad_forever-xl7uq

[@sjejsj7615]

⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠@@KatieBeeLeepeople with bad intentions will treat you horribly regardless of your looks. The point is to be your best self so you can have more people into you

[@rookie8052]

I had a friend that was fat and constantly going after guys that were fit, 10/10. I tried to set her up with a friend that was a bigger guy that was super sweet and thought they’d get along great, lots of similar interests and sense of humor etc…. But she just wasn’t attracted to him. Thing is, he was cute! I really don’t know what it was other than he was fat. He owned a house, co owned a successful business, like literally this guy was the whole package, family sized, great value. Kinda boggles my mind how livid she would be by the same logic applied to her.

[@stevenswitzer5154]

Im 175lbs. My wife is 320. Fat is not her problem

[@rookie8052]

@@stevenswitzer5154agreed. Unfortunately that fact eventually ended the friendship, just couldn’t possibly agree with her anymore. Same person who was very upset when a doctor suggested losing weight to combat knee and back pain… I know doctors not taking fat people seriously is a really issue, but that seemed like a pretty logical conclusion to me 👀

[@foxracer1703]

I like how you said family sized, great value. People need to stop projecting. How about being honest with yourself if no one cares enough to tell you, or you don't listen to anyone. Even if she tried to change anything about herself, people find that admirable. Cut the shit, stop being hypocrites!

[@RobCooper-Bachatador]

I remember realising that I was attracted to athletic women, not just because of their looks but because being healthy showed me that they cared about themselves. And then thinking that I was no longer athletic myself, so wasn't living what I valued. So I changed that, became what I wanted and it changed my prospects with those I was attracted to.

[@amarigibson9447]

Who were you attracted to?

[@reed4885]

Same!!!! I’m like dangit I like fit men 🤔 I gotta work out 🫣😵‍💫😂

[@VegaNous]

Majority of men don’t want to accept the reality than women overwhelmingly struggle with disordered eating compared to men because of the high value men place on women’s bodies.

[@canelareina3795]

Every man likes beauty

[@ellencox8415]

Ding ding ding... we have a winner. Humans are visual FIRST and her entire oura is "I don't care and have given up." She is uploading videos where people can see her and she has wet hair, baggy clothes, no base makeup, and from just the top half, probably 75 pounds overweight. Of course men are not giving her the time of day because she doesn't even give herself the time of day. This is the visual representation of depression and if she changed just one thing, it would likely snowball into more and more positive changes.

[@jhiatt1516]

Just like your hygiene, your hair style, or the way you dress, the state of your physical body says a lot about you as a person. It’s universal and not just in the dating scene. And it WILL influence whether people wanna date you or even associate with you.

[@benja303]

Her problem is entitlement. She thinks that she is entitled to a romantic relationship because she is a decent person. She is a female version of the "Nice Guy"

[@catastrophecookies6066]

This isn’t true. I’ve seen dudes who dress dingy and have gorgeous women it really is what’s between the ears for women. I’d agree on men as far as universal attraction, but not women- there’s always a man willing it’s just how open you are to it- and these apps are toxic to women’s psyche. I also mean universal attraction as in social media has wedged a wall for men speaking to women and they only go by what they would see on a Teen Beat magazine back in the day. We as men aren’t built that way

[@randomcomment6068]

She's a 2 looking for a 9 and finds nothing but desert. And she hates that.

[@Novous]

I've had people give me significantly more attention just because I shaved. It's sad how much presentation matters, but the reality is the reality so use it to your advantage.

[@anonymousbo0318]

​@@catastrophecookies6066😂🤡

[@motherof1doll.]

Our body is a sign of self respect. If we respect our own body it shows and it causes people who respect themselves to feel more comfortable about sharing their life with you. Also, if she found an obese guy and gave him a chance and they both don’t think physical fitness is a priority I’ve seen that work too. But being in shape usually causes the individual to feel better, become more productive, and if you think everyone is in shape for other people rather than getting to feel good for themselves, you might want to just give it a little taste & see what you think of improving your own body & watching yourself overcome a challenge while improving your entire outlook on life & then see what you attract. It’s reality something. And actually, some guys only want big girls so there’s that. And I’ve been told by exes that they dated me because of an initial attraction, then they stayed for a while because of my personality & character. I was complaining about physical attraction being so shallow, but keeping friendships with people & having conversations with people I disagree with has allowed me to see more than I would have been able to see on my own. Don’t give up girly. The best thing I did was get into a class or group doing something I really enjoy or thinking of things I wanted to learn and then signing up to go learn that thing. All of those experiences taught me how to do things that I am now able to enjoy with my guy today. I also met so many people who I really learned from but just listening. Especially older people. 🤗

[@FlowerAcid]

I think she just wants to be loved. A very human need. I can see how people want to judge her. But she’s right when you don’t meet conventional standards, it is very hard. It’s hard to see others in relationships. She’s venting. We should’nt bash people we don’t know for venting. I think her coming online to vent is a sign for help. She must feel alone and I empathize with her. We are ALL human. Dating can be the shittiest thing we navigate in our 20s. We don’t know her guys. Why are we making poor comments? AND yes, there is growth to be done. You are your worse enemy and it’s a hard pill to swallow as you grow up.

[@joeycheckers114]

Wants to be loved by a conventional attractive guy.* There are literally millions of guys (average/below average) that would date and love her. She doesn't want their love though...

[@cseptember6562]

If a guy made this video speaking the way she did would he get empathy? And what the other commentor said is correct. She literally called men leftovers. If they arent attractive they dont even exist as people to her. Why is it ok when a women says stuff like this but if a man does it hes an evil incel?

[@vvsvoid950]

If a guy said this, every woman would be calling him a overweight, entitled, hateful I-ncel that needs to “love himself, because women can sense his self hate”. She wants a hot guy’s love and affection, she doesn’t want another overweight person like her to love her. She doesn’t want an equal, she wants a guy way out of her league. When a woman says this, she’s “preaching”. When men do it, they’d get labeled a monster. This entire comment section shows how gynocentric things are. Women are effectively making the “I want a model argument”, while not being a model themselves. Men are supposed to accept ugly, fat, and broke women. Women can actively make fun of ugly, even average men, just because they aren’t 6ft tall or attractive.

[@ash-kk7il]

I didnt know you knew her personally! ​@joeycheckers114

[@TiktokBro154]

@@joeycheckers114 Yep. An the funny thing is it's the same thing a lot of guys under 6ft have been saying 'they just want to be loved'

[@LiciFreak]

“is it all the people that you attract or is it all the people you let in?” hit me so hard. i’ve never heard it phrased like that but it’s so true. even if you’re trying to be an open, loving, supportive person it’s still going to happen. sticking to boundaries is key but like the girl says it’s still very lonely

[@xbabu142x]

I have a policy to be nice to anyone and everyone, till they show me otherwise, then just not engage if I can manage, I find it unnecessary to decline stuff in a argumentative manner in terms of interpersonal relationships and just ease of day to day life honestly. However, not to sidetrack, but the experiences you describe as are going to still happen, I always view them as a positive learning experience, well nowadays anyway. Really helped me get over some stuff looking at things that way than dwelling on it.

[@hedlokmayhem6931]

It's a bit of both because you don't always attract what you want and then when you set aside biases those people end up fucking off the relationship because of what ever they been through or are going through in that moment

[@TommyTwoSocks]

It’s all vampire rules

[@1GonzalezAR1]

That whole defeatist attitude is making me soft

[@antithoughtpolice7497]

Well, I thought it was: you could attract all kinds of people, but think you only attract assholes BASED on who you let in. How loving, supportive, and open are you being, when you try fixing assholes? You're not that good of a person, you got a white knight complex, honey. I'd know, I've been there.

[@mi0kate]

As a chubby heterosexual woman who is attracted to men, I'm tired of women who think men are wrong for not being attracted to them, but think women can reject men they aren't attracted to just fine. If you are not happy with your situation, change it.. If you are able bodied, take a darn walk!!

[@kidkid985]

Thank you, I’m sick of that too, many women think men are morally wrong for not being attracted to them, but the minute they reject man they aren’t attracted it’s okay and valid. I hate this social justice dating bs

[@the1only467]

Literally came here looking for this comment. Really tired of the blame game instead of looking at one’s self and addressing any issues. A winning personality beats looks any day in my book.

[@100organicfreshmemes5]

There's a reason fat acceptance/activist types are almost exclusively women, they think they deserve to be seen as attractive and get the men they're attracted to no matter how poorly they take care of themselves. Men are told to work on themselves or STFU and cry about it.

[@BBBBBB-rd8gg]

are you attracted to fat men at all?

[@shandorunia]

@@the1only467 1 million percent agree. However thats the perspective most people grow into as they get older.

[@JukeBoxHead]

I feel for this woman. It's hard being big and having people not able to look past that. Especially if you've been big your whole life. Changing anything about yourself is hard. Probably one of the hardest things someone can do. I wish her the best.

[@CEWIII9873]

Life is hard. What is your point?

[@keyboardwarrior1350]

I suppose the point is: "Life is hard. But it is for everyone, so don't feel alone in your struggle."

[@CEWIII9873]

@@keyboardwarrior1350 agreed, but that does NOT mean we go around moaning about it. Hanging on in quiet desperation...

[@asadhafeez7713]

I bet it's difficult being a big fat man too. The difference? Women pretend not to care about looks.

[@basswindu7116]

As someone who has lost 100lbs and my wife has lost 50lbs, when you feel better about yourself everything about you changes in a way. You’re still yourself, your body changes yes but you also value yourself more. You carry yourself with more confidence. You don’t walk around hating the world cause deep down you hate yourself cause of how you look and feel cause you’re overweight.

[@melawieeinapfel8594]

The kind of love people expect these days is the love they didn‘t get as children, unconditional love. But the love between a man and a woman IS in fact conditional and gied to standards. It is what it is.

[@rxgub]

👏

[@jollypolly1686]

She wants unconditional love, but you can bet she wouldn't give it herself.

[@JeffCaplan313]

Whose conditions?

[@junjae.]

yeah, just like Mike Tyson said. A woman will never love you like your mother and a man will never love a woman like a father.

[@nathancasey7712]

​@@jollypolly1686she doesn't even give it to herself

[@jamespaul6315]

Is that just pearly things lol

[@taahirsa7673]

Bruh

[@636racer]

i thought so to in the thumbnail 😂

[@ripcord69]

I thought the same thing!!! Lol

[@oneleapforward903]

Just Burly things 😂

[@damson9470]

Damn.

[@cvsp3rlxc921]

People like her annoy me. I used to be almost 400lbs and girls shut me down for that very reason, I got tired of it and dropped down to 170lbs and now the same women that rejected me years ago, stay in my inbox trying to talk. The fact is you get what you put into it.

[@selenachan4230]

Congrats. Keep up the great work

[@centerfield6339]

For a second I thought Pearl had really let herself go.

[@theredheadwiththread1275]

The self-love and self-care she's being fed is actually self-indulgence.

[@briannadickson2884]

That's fine depending on how the health/ social effect

[@1N2345]

Spot on.

[@sweetbobbybliss]

That is the best way I’ve ever seen it said, spot on man!

[@VegaNous]

A&P proved why so many woman want to decenter men at 7:25

[@user-tt7rc2cg1o]

Yea that's not the only thing she's being fed, pal

[@oe8654]

She’s actually a naturally beautiful girl, in my opinion. If she just lost the weight for herself, I guarantee more of the men she’s attracted to would find her attractive as well.

[@hutao.h1258]

Totally agree ,she has beautiful facial features

[@danp2596]

I wouldn't say that at all. She's not naturally beautiful, she's a little below average looking. Lose the weight and she will be a normal looking girl, which is completely fine by the way.

[@thepubknight6144]

Right her weight isn't an issue at all and there's many men who prefer her look, a redhead with blue eyes and is chubby (I'm one of them men that do) And I assume she's the type that focuses so much on men who don't value her over men who do I've seen the same thing with incels and mgtow dudes She needs to focus on a man who likes her for her and not guys who rebound date her (she mentioned that and how it made her happy which is another issue )

[@RandoWisLuL]

id totally go out with her if she was in a better mental state

[@C12341]

Yeah and she's not even wearing makeup and her hair is wet in the picture. It's obvious she's pretty. I have a hunch she fell into a friend group where the majority of the people are jerks, and her family too has left her with no sense of self- worth. If she starts a hobby where she meets other people (not just online) and goes to the gym regularly she'll be able to leave those dynamics behind. Gym for confidence because like everyone's saying she's attractive now. Everyone can get a little bitter after being rejected male or female and that would fall away if she changes her circumstances and gets confidence with the gym

[@Bierzgal]

It would absolutely change the person. Because being fat is not always about being “ugly”. When I see an overweight person my first though is not “ugly”. It’s “lazy”, it’s “weak willed”, it’s “lacks conviction”. Why would I want the future mother of my children to have such traits? I see obese people the same way I see chain-smokers or heavy drinkers. Just addicted to a different substance. And when you start to work out and lose weight? Oh boy, hell yes it changes you. You feel lighter. There is a sudden spring in your step. Your confidence is much higher. Things that before seemed like a struggle suddenly are just easy tasks. You feel better, stronger, healthier. So yes, it absolutely changes you.

[@CEWIII9873]

Agreed However, they sure are trying to make you not apply your logic and rationality to your life.

[@heavyadrelingblogs5630]

Forever without Chad

[@TiktokBro154]

lol

[@piecebypiece2028]

As someone who is on a weight loss journey, you are so right about it being about more then just your body. It has changed my energy levels, my mood, my ability to feel comfortable in my own body and that projects positively in the way that I not only treat myself, but others. I'm still severely obese and it's a long journey, but my goodness has it changed my life for the better. For those curious, was at 320. Now 285. Still making slow progress, but even here I am light-years from where I was a year ago.

[@zdreamerz1436]

Same I’m almost 100 pounds down and my body craves nutrition, I feel lighter on my feet, less depressed about how I look, and has affected my confidence. The best thing to do is just be happy with your decisions, if your big and happy and if your small and happy it’s alright, I’m still considered over weight but I’m thick I like my curves. As long as it’s not in the obese category it’s great

[@MrMysteryman00]

Good work

[@Devn3dx]

Good Luck on your journey! I hope you get the results you're looking for and then some, we're proud of you!

[@piecebypiece2028]

@@Devn3dx thanks!

[@yaoriattz7104]

That amount of dedication needs respect! I hope you reach your goal!

[@snickermarstwixamv9722]

"I'm ugly" that dude found love and didn't let toxic people enter his life anymore.

[@InDeathWeLove]

She has already left him.

[@Ghostlynotme445]

Is it that Never give up channel?

[@snickermarstwixamv9722]

@@Ghostlynotme445 yup

[@Ghostlynotme445]

@@snickermarstwixamv9722 I thought he got married now she left him that fast?

[@Al-Ghaibb]

@@InDeathWeLove 🤣

[@isa.c7764]

Yes people always overlook the psychological element to this. It’s deeper that looks. Appearances reflect self discipline and dedication. Working out, eating well, dressing up, doing your hair, makeup, etc. takes effort and that’s what people respect.

[@joshpointoh]

This is typical teen angst. She thinks she's discovered some deep truth, but she's left out a couple of very important details to come to these conclusions, and she lacks the life experience to understand. I learned that every time i had a "it's so obvious, how do people not see this" it turned out i wasn't smarter than every human before me, and it has been thought to death already, i just hadn't been exposed to it yet.

[@bailey7792]

Used to have an extremely overweight best friend. I asked her if she would date a guy her size.. and her answer was no. It made me look at her like 🧐🤨?? She then said she wants someone hot, and they should accept her for how she was before she lost weight. So that way she knew they really loved her no matter what. All with a straight damn face, being completely serious. There's a reason we are not friends anymore.. the delulu was becoming too much in a lot of aspects of our friendship. She was told by a doctor that she may have a possible brain tumor (turns out it was a cyst) and nothing serious. However over a month of waiting for results thinking she might have brain cancer.. after she found out it wasnt serious, kept living the way she was with zero attemps to change her eating habits. I couldn't with her anymore, and I wasn't about to sit around and watch her die. This girl is waaayyy too bitter. I guarantee if she lost weight, her confidence and attitude would improve and she would be less of a bitter, insecure nightmare to be around. Nobody wants to spend all their time around a self righteous, right fighter.. it's exhausting

[@xbabu142x]

I always wondered how either gender would picture one of these relationships working out, unless the whole goal was to work out to look good for the relationship? Most of the people I know who are in shape and manage to stay that way is from hobbies and lifestyle. Are they planning on just not spending any time together? One partner changes all their hobbies for the other?

[@haileyquinnzel]

When I was skinny, no guys liked me, and my fat friends got way more attention & respect & love. Size isn’t everything.

[@benja303]

People like your ex friend blow my mind. The lack of self awareness low key scares me a bit

[@reggiestockton8166]

Its important to check people for their delusions which I feel is whats wrong with society nowadays. A man couldn't get away with being so delusional. Imagine being a short, skinny and poor man and demanding that you deserve a supermodel with a big booty? Everyone will laugh at him and he'll have no girls interested in him. But when a girl says delusional shit everybody puts up with it for some reason. If you ask Lizzo right now to rate herself she'd say she was a 10/10😂 and nobody would tell her to shut up. If I said I'm a 10/10 people would think I'm a delusional simpleton 😂

[@cloudyboy1756]

I don’t think you can call her bitter from this video,she just seemed tired, frustrated, like she just got lied too and from the video I’d say it’s safe to bet this isn’t her usual temperament so to think she’s just some bitter person and not exhausted from life like everyone gets sometimes seems like a disingenuous interpretation. Also you had an overweight friend and she thought she had brain cancer and you’re mad she didn’t decide weight loss is the answer? Lol your a weirdo

[@ghoulbby]

Self-love is treating yourself as you would a best friend you really cared about. Instead, the modern "self-love" trend is just treating yourself as you're the only person who matters. Two very separate things. **After finishing the video, I think she may need to work on her bitterness. Sure, she could lose weight, but a lot of guys don't mind that and she's pretty so... must be the personality. Things like talking shit about "skinny girls".

[@sababaratashvili8629]

Especially when most liekly she still gets more chances and have more people trying to hit her up than many average or even above average looking men out there...

[@mrmr4622]

I was gonna say, she looks pretty idk

[@thepubknight6144]

​​​@@mrmr4622 She looks like my ex , I honestly thought it was her until I saw her age and where she's from And you're right she's very attractive and has a very attractive soft voice She needs to work on the bitterness and change her comfort zone in terms of who she's going after dating wise and learn to know her worth

[@GregXHunterz]

The latter version of self-love sounds a lot like narcissism. I resonate with the former version which is to treat yourself like you would a best friend.

[@eavye95]

I agree, she is pretty, but coming from someone who has been through it, even fortunate enough to have a pretty face, she is bitter because she's bigger and is unhappy with herself. Even bigger people that say they love their body are bitter, they just have a better way of hiding it. When I out of nowhere gained a lot of weight due to untreated PCOS, I became so cynical about anything and everything. As well as depressed. If she just made small changes here and there with her weight to where she could see a difference when she looked in the mirror, it would do so much for her mentally and to truly value herself, which will then attract someone who also values her.

[@AshaSelfsDemoFilms]

3:50 - It's a combination. For example if you're a people pleaser there are certain people you attract that know how to push that button and take advantage. You have to learn as you age to stop that. The process can leave you very paranoid and not trusting anyone you interact with. I'm currently deconstructing this dynamic in my interactions. Also those people totally disrupt your groove when you're trying to go about your business. 80% of people are just goin about their day but those who take advantage are so disruptive they suck all the air out of your good relationships. The work before you get to 10:04 She has potential. I hope she finds some like minded thicc friends to find common interests with and hang around. Having healthy friendships would help her a lot.

[@lexansstories6952]

I think it needs to be understood that "only change for you" is a very important and powerful statement. Never change for others because it leaves you hollow. Once you change for yourself, you give yourself power to no longer accept scraps. Feeling disgruntled over the sudden attention is normal and if anything it helps you be more selective of who you allow access to you. I hopes she finds everything she wants in life.❤

[@Corrupted-file]

If a man recorded this video, word for word; every female “influencer” out there would be calling him an “incel”, and say they’re concerned he may start blastin’ up his “place of education” soon.

[@chuchonchuchon7640]

This is a femcel, the equivalent of an incel

[@TiktokBro154]

Facts and he will also be told that he is not owed anything

[@paigew6707]

oh look an incel trying to make this a man vs woman thing. Go outside and touch grass.

[@reneestevens7337]

most school shooters are male and they have often been rejected by women. what's your point?

[@ratpos7285]

femprivilege, power of a man, entitlement of a child, and accountability of none.

[@hotboxhorror]

As someone who was insecure when i was huge and skinny... people def treat you differently. People would hold more doors when i was skinny and when i was fat it seemed like people would be more angry with me and care less. I got invited to more things too. i had the same mindset maybe even worse when i was skinny. Its definitely eye opening when you actively go through it. i don't think its limited to women tho.

[@BNezzy]

most people in this world judge people based on their weight and looks. Even the people who say they don't, they do. They may not want to believe it or do it on purpose but they subconsciously do it all the time. Otherwise people like yourself and me wouldn't have lived experiences proving this. I honestly wish people would stop virtue signaling and just be honest so people can see them and treat them for who they are not their fake versions.

[@hotboxhorror]

I agree. I respect everyone equally until you treat me or others poorly. no matter who you are or what you look like.@@BNezzy

[@haileyquinnzel]

When I was skinny, everyone bullied me & treated me like shit, and I never had any crushes. My fat friends however, weren’t bullied, were respected, and got romantic attention.

[@reggiestockton8166]

I used to be unattractive and women used to treat me like complete shit 😂 I literally thought thats just the way life is, that women will go out of their way to be cruel 😂 now I'm better looking and women are 15 to 20 times nicer to me 😂 its like night and day. Humans are incredibly shallow. That's why I get so mad whenever people say just be nice and only personality matters. The biggest lie ever told!!! My personality stayed the same but not my level of success with women. If anything I got more arrogant and douchey😂 half the time it doesn't even matter what you say to women, if they think you're attractive you can be a whole serial killer 😂 men are just as shallow but everyone knows that, so its not like some secret or revelation 😂

[@hotboxhorror]

Wow that's interesting. i wonder if where you live plays a factor?@@haileyquinnzel

[@fgmuzik]

That's sad but true, that's just her experience with the dating scene and I've experienced similar, I started gaining weight at a early age damn near every one in high school were paired either to someone in our school or they had mates outside of school, the time I got a boyfriend was in junior year ( but I was and still is a 🤓 nerd so what do I was mainly in the books) but when I did get one he was only using me (that's how I felt) to make his ex jealous and she never went to our school she used to just come up there and check on him like literally doing ninja shit because I never saw her there but he did. Ok fast forward in my 20's I lost a lot of weight in which made guys who always subbed me want me even one of my friends ( I was the girl that had so many male friends) who said he would never date me and until this day I have a hard time trusting that a person wants me for me and not how I look or it makes them look. In my 30's someone actually told me " you're a great person we are compatible but we won't look good together and I have a image to keep up" like for real everybody has different experiences that leads to their conclusions of their life!

[@jhart1127]

I'm a married woman with a son, super happy family etc. I need to know a partner can take care of themselves. Its nice if they can support me too but they need to support themselves with their own health, career, relationships, interests. She doesnt seem to be doing these things and then wonders why she isnt an attractive partner.

[@janiegetyourgun]

When you’re overweight and constantly overlooked your self esteem, emotions, and personality take a hit. I lost over 100 pounds and was such a happier, more pleasant and grateful person after that. I looked forward to social interactions instead of being afraid to talk to people or wondering if they were judging me constantly. It was liberating. You might not notice it right away, but it becomes obvious.

[@HolyHusky]

Great job!!! 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼you did it

[@BBBBBB-rd8gg]

did guys still have sex with you when you were over 100 pounds overweight?

[@Sofiav1088]

I went sober, adopted a healthier lifestyle, and lost around 85 lbs, and I do feel like a different person. I feel less depressed, I feel more open, and authentic - I just feel more like me instead of being bogged down by heaviness. I do notice others notice me more (and some just see a moderately attractive person, and want to hit it and quit it - I'm aware of that now). But, I have my closest, dearest friends, who have been with me through thick and thin (no pun intended), and I keep going. I love feeling healthy, it helps me enjoy my life at the end of the day.

[@VegaNous]

I was an obese little girl growing up and was bullied through all my school years for it, which only caused me to emotionally eat more, making me 300lbs by the time I was 13. I was able to cut my body weight in half by 18 and sat between 130-150lbs. It was very surreal going from being bullied for how I looked for most of my life to being bombarded with male attention. It was a nice feeling at first, but when the realization hit me that men (including old friends and crushes) valued me more for being thin and attractive than they did for any of my other qualities actually hurt way more than the bullying.

[@harsh3948]

@@VegaNousmost people value superficially. It’s natural. What isn’t, is expecting people to value only your personality while not extending the same courtesy to them.

[@VegaNous]

@@harsh3948 most MEN value superficiality. Women that choose men only for how much money he makes are doing so as a survival strategy. Men don’t seek out women half their age as a survival strategy. You’re saying this phenomenon is natural, but women wanting a partner than values them beyond her looks is “unnatural”? Get real.

[@harsh3948]

​@@VegaNousIt seems like you are unable to differentiate the difference between a survival strategy and a mating strategy. Women don’t need men to “survive”. They need men as much as a fish need a bicycle remember? Women do need men to make and raise kids though (although the raising part is up for debate). So they ideally choose rich goodlooking men that treat them like queens regardless of their own looks and personality. Unfortunately reality doesn’t work that way, especially for the “regardless of their looks or personality” part. Hence it’s unnatural

[@VegaNous]

@@harsh3948 my brother in Christ, I promise it is not me that doesn’t know the difference between survival and mating 😂😂😂 your class analysis is lacking

[@olapink509]

She is going straight from self-love to romantic love when there is platonic love in the middle. To have a friend who cares for and accepts you the way you are is on another world. I truly wish her all the best because there is hurt there.

[@little11clarinet]

Being overweight has nothing to do with a face card. I’ve been small my ENTIRE life and I’ve never had a serious relationship. I’m short, dark skin, with an athletic build. I’m no one type and that’s not a self confidence issue. That’s what society has told me

[@Nosh5]

Im 100% with Aba on taking care of your body as a discipline. I love me some big girls, but after dating a few, you really see the struggles of being plus size. Weight lost is more than just anesthetics. There is an assumed mentality about people who are healthy. Losing weight is hard, tiring, and tale commitment.

[@joseph1150]

It's the hardest and easiest thing to do. Hard in it takes commitment and discipline. Easy as in there isnt much to it other than being on a caloric deficit while still keeping your vitamins balanced.

[@Nosh5]

@joseph1150 Bro im doing 100 push up everyday 6 times a week...it so hard 😆.

[@YuhasLol]

@@Nosh5 Focus on dieting over exercise. I lost 70lbs with little exercise whatsoever. It's easier to simply not eat 300 calories than it is to burn 300 calories.

[@joseph1150]

@@Nosh5 Yeah, but 100 pushups a day isn't something people who are grossly overweight start out on, and it's not needed for weight loss or general fitness either. Are you going for the One Punch Man workout? The 100 pushups, 100 situps, 100 squats, 10km run?

[@jaxorgate]

@@Nosh5uhhh cardio is way better for weight loss than push ups. and also what that other guy said. diet is very important

[@halrox247]

Listening to overweight people complain about "society" and being judged by how they look and not who they are is very frustrating when you know that surveys and studies have shown they would also not choose an overweight partner if given the option.

[@TiktokBro154]

lol

[@jtorres5381]

I still feel this type of way in my 40s, constantly comparing myself to others, then ,... out of nowhere you stop giving a f, and start doing what makes you yourself happy, its called acceptance!

[@jtorres5381]

People go their whole lives not accepting themselves! sad

[@CEWIII9873]

fat acceptance?

[@chelseahealingtoheal]

I absolutely agree! Any health journey will change you for the better! You will have more strength, more positive feelings, etc. I am on an emotional health journey and I am absolutely shocked at how much I have changed. I hope she gets off the self pity and starts to care about her health. Physical and emotional

[@ReleaseMyKrakken]

Guarantee there are plenty of gat guys that'd give her a chance. But something tells me she's upset about skinny/fit guys rejecting her. I lost 70lbs. Ladies started giving me more attention. That's life. Accept it OR be patient and go for someone with a similar body type. They're out there.

[@raulserrano3670]

Fat , short , or just not conventionally attractive . I agree , I find it hard to believe that no one finds her attractive enough to date . Honestly I think she’s reasonably attractive.

[@scary5455]

If she was a male saying all this, he'd be told: You're negative attitude is pushing them away Lose weight Go for someone in your league Stop chasing people out your league Lower your standards

[@spikeboy101]

Lost 60, girls found me more attractive too. Realized most women are worthless bc they only want you when you're up. Never go for that. You'll be betrayed if u gain back weight, lose a job, lose whatever

[@NebulaSon]

​@@scary5455So true!

[@RabbyRabbithole]

that's what I thought immediately. I'm possitive if she steps foot in a place where there's good wholesome dudes playing MTG she'll find 10 men interested in her. But none of them look like tiktok models so she's not gonna give them the time of day.

[@JiggyMiggytv]

Short Men get told there's something wrong with them. Fat Woman get told they're fine and should be accepted regardless. One group has to deal with the cards they've been dealt, the other can change but refuses to at their own detriment...

[@henrikaugustsson4041]

I understand her frustration. I’m the kind of guy who isolated myself after a relationship ends, and it takes years for me to recover. During those years, a lot of anger and resentment towards women creep up inside me, but I try to improve myself, and when I find a new gf, those feelings go away, but they come back if/when things go wrong. It’s tough to be alone, especially when you don’t want to be, but that self-love people talk about, that’s what shows other people that you’re worth getting involved with. It’s an uphill battle against your most negative emotions, but if you start resenting people, they’ll notice that and stay away from you. You have to find some inner peace.

[@himynameis294]

One trip to Jamaica changes this whole thing. 🤷‍♂️

[@Ruth-zu1xl]

I know people joke a lot about daddy issues these days, but I do think it’s a really serious thing and I keep seeing how it affects people. For me as a young woman it really was life changing when I made the connection of how being loved by my father has helped me throughout my life. Knowing that I was valued and loved without any expectations, just for being me (like this girl said, being loved for who you are instead of what you provide), it did so much to my sense of self and how I view the world. I meet men and I expect them to be loving, and even if they are not then that’s fine - I don’t need this particular man to love me, because I am fully secure in that someone else already does. It’s just nice to find even more people to love. The thing Preach said about the people you “attract” versus the people you actually let in and entertain was spot on, and those tendencies are very dependent on your own psyche and your own choices. For me personally the thing is that my dad wasn’t always a good dad. He was an alcoholic for many years, but when I was a teen he made the conscious decision to change - to stop drinking and rebuild his relationship with us kids. And we kids in turn had to decide to to forgive him and to learn how to trust him. It was a joint effort and it took years, but through that process we learnt a lot about ourselves, each other, and about love. I’m 22 now and I’ve never had a boyfriend and am not particularly interested in one right now so I can’t relate to that part of the video, but I do have so many male friends who are so loving to me, and that’s both because I’ve been fortunate enough to meet them but also because both I and they put in the work to build our relationships, and to not take one another for granted. I feel so sad for this woman hearing her explain how she’s never had that, but also sad for her knowing she won’t have it in the future either without introspection and hard work. And if she really never has been loved even by her own family, then I’d say that is a great place to start. It’s scary to be the one to initiate it, but it’s worth it. Some of my brothers I didn’t have good relationships with until I sat them down and we talked about how much we’d hurt one another, but then we could start trusting each other and appreciating the good things instead. Relationships take hard work no matter what form they are in, but they really are so important. Women need men, and men need women. People need people. And most people aren’t hopeless, as long as you’re willing to put in the effort

[@ifonlyicared]

I knew when I was a teen my "daddy issues" would mess me up in my future. My parents were married but my father just worked to provide. There was no "father daughter" relationship. He was just there to provide. I used to beg him to get to know me, spend time with me, etc. In my 20s I searched high and low for a man to "love" me, but I didn't know what real love was. I just wanted attention and the "attention" almost ruined me. I envied the loving and supportive environment that others had. My older coworkers talked about their kids with such love. I wanted that. I wanted to do my whole childhood over, but that is not possible. Through the years I had to be realistic and honest with myself, I'm too broken to have the unconditional family love and a romantic partner. I go through waves of "confident black woman-- hear me roar blah blah blah" and then the moments of "I want love and to be held". But as I get older, I smile more and I genuinely appreciate others experiencing love. I'm enjoying the wonders of this world, the beauty in nature, and the different cultures out there. I do understand what this girl was saying and felt her pain. I hope the loneliness doesn't consume her to a point of no return.

[@drek9k2]

I feel particularly bad about women especially in this country because they do not realize how much the boomers are literally DESTROYING them, and gaslighting them with so much shit, that by the time most of these women even begin healing from their traumas and bad advice it's going to be way too late. Like for me as a guy in my 30s I'm basically psychologically starting over. I've had to overboard a looot of different things, including all the less than stellar people I'd been keeping in my life partly as result of addictions. But in the end, I mean. Yeah. Yeah....and it is really sad for me to realize these last few years that, even now, to this day, I kind of seek a woman to abuse me and neglect me, because I wasn't taught how to love properly as a child, and so all my relationships are just completely fucked up and vodka soaked and I don't evne know what to do if I'm being honest with my self, but I CAN still change--because I am a man. And I can still finish fixing everything wrong with myself and my life to be a good enough husband candidate by age 40 if I just keep spending those 5-10 years really working on it, and there's part of the rub, is that for most of these obese, psychologically damaged women they are looking down the barrel at minimum of 5 years of hard concerted effort to change everything about their life and save themselves, and, as selfish boomer women contrarily lie to them about, they *do not have that time to waste.* Like you are simply not in a position as a 28 year old woman to blow through any more time. As a young girl, you can only fuck off til pretty much the age of 27 at tops, by then you better be working on a consistent plan, because if you don't, if you act like me, especialyl if you have ANYTHING ever going wrong in your life like some kind of health problems that throws your schedule off of course, you can miss out on all of life. Nobody is ever going to marry you who you want to marry if you are an obese woman or over the age of 40. That's just the fact. And you might find someone who's gonna use you and abuse you, you can find bad sex, but you can't find that fatherly sort of love and it makes me sad for those of them that haven't gotten it through yet and usually they are also struggling with numerous other addictions and psychological problems at the same time that will take many years to unravel. I as a man have a second chance that I didn't ever deserve and I completely recognize this fact. My female cousins will not. You are still in deep deep DEEP shit as a man that doesn't have a career a house and savings and a decent car by age 40 with wife and kids, sure, but it's at least theoretically able to be salvaged if you can get a career and truly work on rebuilding yourself, that realistically no woman who's waited til late thirties is going to have. And a shit ton of these young women are totally wasting their 20s like I did. It's crazy to me too thinking about the women that "just wanted to explore" and believed the lies of society, liek for me I wanted to settle down and raise a family, albeit in a dysfunctional way, in my early 20s; most of the women I knew did not. They mainly wanted careers or to go traveling or, most frequently, to fuck around with lots of men. I am surprised and happy for the many that did in fact find husbands in grad school and undergrad, but anyone who's listening to boomers and not their own biological drive is going to miss out on happiness. It just sucks because speaking from experience, when you have not just bad or absent role models, but ALSO an active ongoing addiction you tend to push off all maturity and psychological healing for possibly decades, which so far as I have ever seen it's near universally people begin only to heal in their late 20s and therefore for the women they don't even begin to become housewives until like 27 onward, which is really pushing the edge if you hit 30 and still got no husband. The problem is that, with an addiction, you stay in this state of childish self absorbption and arrested development to where you don't even recognize the need for change and often end up defaulting your own bad upbringing without being able to identify or change that. I will lastly say though, that the whole discussion on "bad boys" is beyond retarded, and doesn't ask "are these men just not into YOU? Are you chasing not a man that's emotionally unavailable, he's unavailble to YOU emotionally? Are you chasing this man who is himself damaged and you are trying to exploit him for fun, and then lying to yourself he's a the asshole when you are looking for a disposable good time?" The thing that make these men suck isn't that they don't care or are sociopaths or a bad seed or whatever, it's that they are fundamentally broken as people the same way hookers are, it's not that these strippers are bad human beings, it's that they've got a ton of damage that makes them hard to deal with, and in turn attract users to them, and yes badboys attract user and abuser women too.

[@ms.hjohnson6820]

Thank you sooo much for making the effort to share. I usually wouldn’t read such a long post but it was beyond worth it. I value what you shared and there are numerous takeaways. Thank you for spending the time and for the suggestions.

[@sebaschan-uwu]

I already want to marry you just from reading this

[@amorizz5579]

If she pursued guys that were physically compatible or guys that actually liked bigger girls, she might have a little more success. Also, it could be that she has an awkward personality that turns off the guys who like her body type. Whatever the situation, I am almost 100% sure it's not just because she is overweight. There are literally women who are twice her size that have husbands and multiple ex boyfriends...there are also plenty of thin women who think they can't find a man.

[@MrMan-fx3ow]

Nobody actually likes fat girls though. No mentally healthy straight man has ever in the history of human existence on earth saw a girl and thought, “I’m so much more attracted to her because she’s obese.” Only time a guy will engage a fat girl is when he can’t do any better and has very few options. And no, I’m not talking about regular women who could stand to lose 15-20 lbs, that’s normal. I’m talking about the girls that eat cake and ice cream in the bed and spend more time making excuses than they do meal prepping

[@erikaarnold4780]

Maaan, I could glow that girl up in 24 hours….Wash the hair, solidify her style…pretty face, nice skin, pretty eyes…she is a good canvas. Her body language says “I quit…” , though. She is wrong…my big girls be pullin’ em! She needs some good girlfriends in her life to be honest with her AND supportive. Losing the weight should be for HER.

[@MrMan-fx3ow]

@@erikaarnold4780 no, you couldn’t. She big as hell. Guys sleep with fat girls whenever things get slow for them, but they don’t really be liking them for real. You need to come back to down to reality

[@Blackpill149]

​​@@erikaarnold4780She would never be pretty without surgery. She is sub5. At best she can be normie

[@brianal7143]

A lot of times heavyset women are uncomfortable to be around because there's self-loathing and they can't hide it. They tend to make fat jokes about themselves and it's awkward. As in, I'm not laughing at you but you're laughing at yourself. They tend to mention their weight before you even think about it. Wishing her the best.

[@grcarie]

I was overweight when I met my husband. And my weight went down and then back up again dramatically. But I was inexperienced and eager to be with someone and had to work very hard to set boundaries until we could make it work. There are plenty of men who want big women. But taking care of yourself in general (not necessarily weight), learning how to communicate, how to compromise, knowing when to be silent and when to sepak up about something.....

[@Caramelized_Suga]

I was totally understanding where she was coming from being single for years and seeing my friends and family being in healthy relationships. Im a sucker for love and get soft once it's healthy love. But she lost me once she started talking about her weight like girl. I attract men and women all the time it's still not a wonderful feeling because they're lusting over you and won't get to know who you really are and if they do and you are a good person they end up intimidated because you gotta have some else.🤷🏾‍♀️

[@asalwak315]

As someone who went from going girl to girl all through High School until i was around 22, then spending 22-30 absolutely alone, i think she doesnt realize she is her own worst enemy. Her weight plays a role, but is not the discerning factor. The biggest problem is whenever people start to think to themselves they aren't worth anyones love, its a self loathing feeling that all the people around you somehow are able to sense, and want nothing to do with. I gave up my self pitying ideas, changed how i live, not even majorily mind you, i didnt get into crazy shape or suddenly become an ultra successful individual, i just started to actually see myself as worth something. Within 2 months, my newly found self love was reciprocated by the best woman ive ever met. Now ive been happily in a relationship, maybe she saw the potential in me, or maybe she just saw that i believed in the potential in myself, but whatever it was, it would have never happened if i had continued to be self pitying about the fact i was alone, the best things come to you when you look inside of yourself, instead of looking to others for it.

[@marshallosantos9035]

Her weight isn’t an issue honestly. I like bigger white girls. They have been nothing but sweet to me. Getting around the racist parents is a challenge though.😂

[@Steven-hq3go]

Repent of your sins and believe in Jesus Christ as saviour

[@Phantom-kc9ly]

Nobody is a psychic.

[@Joe-fj6dj]

I had exact thoughts about a friend who I met in college, we're vibing talking about similar interests. But then like I don't know what happened, but she went on self pity rant about how she has no friends, no hobbies besides playing mobile games on her phone, and all she does is interact with strangers through discord. but is she doing anything to change that? No, I've been in that path before when I young and lost. I didn't want to be an asshole, but I felt like I had to cut her out of my life because I've been there and I only can do so much it's up to the person if they want to change.

[@bro918]

@@Joe-fj6dj 'i can fix her'

[@damefame8921]

Knowing what the problem is, having the solution, and STILL not doing anything about it is crazy

[@SimRacingVeteran]

Yeah but she wants a man that will accept her the way she is now. She’s not about the transformation.

[@RonhozZ]

@@SimRacingVeteran well then, keep waiting

[@Kirbystare1992]

@@SimRacingVeteranbet she won’t accept a broke fat dude lol

[@VegaNous]

Men knowing that women are suffering because of the high value men place on women’s bodies, men having the solution to not think with their reptile brain 24/7 and STILL not doing anything about it is crazy

[@spracketskooch]

Bro, that's most humans throughout most of human existence.

[@el0hellie]

I get her desire to be valued regardless of her size. Just about everyone deserves to feel loved. However, eating well and being active is always something people should strive to do. Weight loss often comes with those habits, but you glow when you eat well and exercise and treat your body right. I’ve lost 35lbs and I notice I feel happier, my skin is better, my posture is better, and I think people can see that. It’s not just about size, having healthier habits and treating yourself with care makes you more approachable because good habits also do something mentally and I think others can pick up on that.

[@CEWIII9873]

lap band surgery?

[@el0hellie]

@@CEWIII9873 just good old fashioned diet and exercise

[@anwengriffiths7476]

I grew up as an overweight girl, in my late teens/early twenties i lost a substantial amount of weight (just over 90lb) however, in the last couple of years i gained all that weight back and then some. I refuse to date until i lose weight, not because i wouldn't have options, but because i know MY options would be better if i was healthier, and i dont want to be limited to what the dating pool could offer me now. It's not just about who would accept you now, but what you are willing to accept for yourself.

[@hgriff14]

Her issue is that she said she is “force fed” content of women being treated better than her. That statement told me everything I had to know about this person. She isn’t force fed shit, it’s an algorithm and everyone with a brain knows the algorithm is going to give you whatever you want.

[@incognit01233]

That's a lie The algorithm is designed no to give you what you want. But to MANIPULATE YOU into making you want things, destroying you so that you are more susceptible to manipulation, pushing narratives and propoganda, and pushing content they hope will emotionally hook you and addict you. No one is watching abc NBC etc news. No one is watching Kate night talk shows But they have no problem using the totally impartial algorithm to push this content and put millions of views on their entirely ignored trash. That's what is going on with social media and search engines.

[@imantetillman4735]

Facts. Once again, accountability flees the scene. She needs to take the time to improve herself.

[@ThePatrickakes]

One weakness in your argument is the assumption that all algorithms are not designed to encourage self-destructive engagement. While she needs to have some self accountability, it does not mean we cannot have empathy and possibly recognize that sometimes algorithms still show you shit you don't really wanna see. I know I end up with shit I don't wanna see on my feed all of the time despite my very consistent efforts to avoid those things.

[@trpdrspider8372]

Pull out the tube..

[@fondue542]

We need to stop regugutating this rumour. The algorithm despite your interest is showing you popular content, rage bait content, videos it knows will irritate you for more clicks and comments. You seriously believe there's an algorithm made "FOR YOU". I have to laugh

[@jimmyjams962]

It's sad because she simultaneously sees through the lies that social media perpetuates while also falling victim to them. Physical attraction is inextricably linked with our perception of beauty, and physical fitness is currently more desirable than obesity. Instead of acknowledging this reality and adjusting to it - as she did with the 'self-love fallacy' - she instead avoided responsibility and put the blame on society for not valuing her body type, which is a commonly perpetuated theme on social media. In the end, her brief moment of lucidity was borne of an all-too-common misconception that society *_owes_* you its romantic ideations, and that you *_deserve_* its attention irrespective of whether or not you actually offer anything of value to society itself.

[@Ryan-cb1ei]

Physical fitness has always been attractive and always will be. We just didn’t have the luxury throughout most of human history for most to achieve that. Even now, it’s still a struggle because we have too much access to food (too much junk food).

[@x-mess]

She wants to be loved while not providing anything to a man… not realizing that a relationship is an exchange..

[@justacoginthefkery]

​@@x-mess​I didn't take it that way at all. You can provide all kinds of things that have ZERO to do with looks. She said "women provide social currency & status to men". She's not exactly wrong there. A lot of guys want the "trophy chicks" not just to have someone they're attracted to, but also to impress other men. There's a ton of things in life that have the underlying element of "popularity contest" naturally baked in.

[@jimmyjams962]

@@Ryan-cb1ei I 100% agree. It's just that whenever I use "always" instead of "currently", someone always brings up the various periods in our history where having an obese partner was the goal. The point that those people are missing is that obesity wasn't desired because it was seen as "beautiful", it was only sought after because being overweight was a sign that you had steady access to food and resources. Essentially, "Fat = Rich". But a lot of people (specifically "body-positive movements") have used this misconstrued reality as 'evidence' that fat was at one time considered to be beautiful, and I just wanted to avoid that whole debate with my comment.

[@jimmyjams962]

@@justacoginthefkery I don't disagree, but I also don't think that this only flows in one direction. Women also seek superficial traits in men (e.g. height) because it will reflect positively on them. There's a lot of research and evidence on female hypergamy and the social phenomenon of women refusing to "date down" for this very reason. I think the issue is that this girl (and other women) will berate men for seeking that social currency and status from their partner without acknowledging that they do the same thing.

[@ItsMikky]

As a women, I don’t workout for my husband. I workout for my mental health. I workout to have a long healthy life with him and my kids. To be able to play on the playground when other moms aren’t or can’t. Working out isn’t just a a physical change, it’s a mental one. It shows dedication and discipline, commitment. People miss that point a lot. And that’s what is attractive to me about someone who is fit.

[@oxyuran5998]

Experience tells me that your net is usually cast wider than you realize, but what you pick out of that net as catch is your selection. If you get a lot of dirtbags in your net, that's tough, but if you pick them, that's on you. Not necessarily that you do it conciously, but your system is attracted to what people you pick out of that net. Change yourself and your selection will change.

[@j.c.ulater6892]

That job interview analogy was spot on, u get different results based on how u present yourself if u want someone to be something in your life u have be something that they want in their life...🤷🏾‍♂️ A lot of ppl just think they deserve something cuz they are them

[@justchill8175]

Naw I can tell you when I dropped all my extra weight, I changed alot as a person and in a GOOD way. I became more active, more willing to go out and do things, and I have more confidence in myself which in return has actually humbled me alot. I am able to accept when I might be wrong in a situation or accept that maybe I can do better. Im not bitter towards other people, I have built on the relationships I have with the people in my life and I just feel so much better overall. When you change physically in a drastic way, you are most certainly going to change mentally as well. This girl just does not realize it yet and I hope she gets to a point in life where she does.

[@supremefatness4085]

Hell yeah

[@haifaabdullah5062]

I think a lot of people forget the word “balance” exist! Yes you should except, love and work on bettering yourself. But that doesn’t mean you don’t need relationships in your life. The first part will help you choose better in the second part.

[@JaxJenks]

I think in some cases it's also the stereotype your looks fall into that attracts certain people. Like for example I know that with my look I'm easily a 3 in one room and a 9 in another, the amount of men who approach me depends on the crowd I have to navigate. For her it must be extra hard to decide if a men is actually nice or not because, I think you can see alot of peoples intentions and emotions in their eyes, but if barely any men looked at her long enough, what can she base her decision on?

[@graysenm1320]

As a former obese person i feel that i can add to the self love aspect of her issues. Im 6'1 and went from 340lbs to 225lbs (and still losing) and the best form of self love is treating your body with love. And self love doesnt mean eating anything and everything you want. It means taking care of your body in a way that maximizes your health and wellness. It becomes even more important if you desire a relationship. Being overweight is an billboard on your face that says "I dont take care of myself properly". Are you allowed to be over weight? Yes. Should you be bullied or made fun of for it? Id say no, but if you're not happy about being fat then fix that shit.

[@zzygyy]

Fantastic perseverance on losing the weight. 💪 😊

[@ktowniecity7269]

Good for you. I'm skinny and my worse fear is getting fat. I constantly have it in the back of my mind like going bald so i take measures to prevent baldness like finasteride, not over brushing my hair at the root, etc. There are many, many ways to improve your appearance especially if you work out, your face will completely change. I dont believe in anyone saying they are unattractive until they hit the gym hard and see the results. Too many ppl settle for excuses and dont have that drive because life is too comfortable these days. I see it with kids all the time that cant even play games fairly. An adult shoudl realize that adversity is a good thing and try to solve problems, not complain about them. Goals and accomplishments are great whether financial or physical. That is what makes life interesting. Being born perfect with millions of dollars would get boring! The challenge is the reward.

[@graysenm1320]

​@@ktowniecity7269Yeah I feel all of that. Something else I don't really understand are people who take pride in things they put ZERO effort towards/can't control. Even to this day I get more comments on being tall (not flexing) than on my weight loss. In my head I worked my ass off to lose this weight and didn't do anything to be tall. Like your money example, it's way cooler to climb and work your way up to being a millionaire. Being born with rich parents doesn't mean shit to me.

[@jb2760]

Congrats man. I’m on the same journey myself. 352 to 250 in a year and much more to go. We got this man! 2024 is our year!!

[@graysenm1320]

​@@jb2760 Hell yes let's get it!

[@Kuroganemk2]

The moment she said that non of the guys she has been with actually liked her, it made me think that she was at fault for going for fuckbois or people out of her league that just used her as an easy booty call.

[@theezenriarinze9203]

That's likely what happened especially since she's fat and doesn't want to lose weight.

[@bbbbbbb51]

Rewatch the video and you'll notice the 1 thing she never does is take responsibility. It's social media's fault that she's constantly fed content about good couples and cute girls (algorithms are made to keep people engaged. They don't repeatedly feed you content you don't interact with or watch.) It's her potential boyfriends' faults for being bad people, but not her fault for choosing them. It's society's fault for not finding fat attractive, but not her fault for letting herself get that way. She's essentially upset that nobody wants to take her as she is and build her up to be better, despite the fact that the world is full of women who blimped out after they got a ring on the finger. It just doesn't work that way. Lastly, she could easily lower her standards and find someone who would treat her well. She sits there complaining about people being shallow for not liking her when she's fat,but they would if she was skinny despite nothing changing mentally, yet I can guarantee you she wouldn't show that same grace to decent men that she finds in attractive. This entire thing is just a depressive self absorbed rant. She needs to get outside, find a hobby, start a light workout, and get off socmed.

[@jasonBGI]

Classic 49er female shooting out of her league. I feel no sympathy for the likes of her.

[@Lunatic5306]

That’s not fair bro. I’m sure there’s some that used her for money as well.

[@paigew6707]

lmao@@Lunatic5306

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

I know a girl who expresses the same sentiment as this one…and her attitude and the way she treats people is the reason she can’t find a good man. You get what you give.

[@harsh3948]

And it would also be a problem if they want a good man that ALSO fits their physical attraction list

[@gothodoxy]

preach ain't even gonna comment on that shit in the beginning 🤣🤣🤣 man I love you guys, please never stop making videos

[@lillypieisme]

I’ve said this many of times before. People preach about self-love and confidence as if it’s all we need in life. We are social creatures and need other people and bonds and relationships and affection and emotional support and have physical needs. I personally never had any of those needs met in my life and that does something to the mind and soul. The loneliness I and many of us feel, the unworthiness, the rejection, all of that destroys a person’s well-being. We can love ourselves all we want, but that’s never enough to live a happy life.

[@demonsalwayswin]

Exactly. Like what's even left? You can only love yourself. And that does not mean other people will like you. These people have no idea what they're talking about.

[@taewoodz4125]

@lillypieisme nonsense you are gorgeous

[@metalheadjake3339]

All I know is the men who are constantly hating on women and the women who are constantly hating on men are the actual ones who desperately want to be with the opposite sex. It's all bitterness. They are trying to convince themselves that they don't want a boyfriend/girlfriend

[@LovePriestessLeah]

Self love leads to having actual standards in relationships. It’s not only self love but when we set a standard for ourselves we won’t be afraid to be rejected or reject others when they don’t meet that standard

[@demonsalwayswin]

@@LovePriestessLeah I live like this and I'm still lonely af. Lonely like no friends either. Actually self-respect will scare most people off. Since nowadays many people want to take advantages of others they know they have no chance at people with self-respect and standards and this makes the people even lonelier. Then there are people with standards that will be never met and they know it, so having such standards (for a relationship) make really no sense speaking of connection to self-love.

[@ChaoticSorceror]

What she said about getting the leftovers of connection from people who have romantic partners hits hard for me. Growing up without a lot of romantic connections I really felt like I was getting table scraps of what a lot of people around me had leftover after they got what they needed connection-wise from their partners. Self love is important but people really underestimate what a real good romantic relationship can do for a person.

[@sshreddderr9409]

self love is just socially acceptable cope or narcissism, depending on who uses the term. the truth is, self worth is always proportional to your utility to others. sure it people might find different things useful, but in the end, it is all about usefulness to others, and anything else is a lie. the people who have the healthiest self image are the ones who grew up always being made to feel appreciated without being spoiled, and have no concept of insecurity because they always had a family who had their back. the unhealthiest self image is seen in people who have a broken family background that always involves some type of rejection by family.

[@DonVigaDeFierro]

Don't get me wrong. I agree with your statement. The problem I see is that people fear solitude so much that they would rather "settle for less" than see the benefits of being alone. Once you're comfortable being on your own, you can approach a romantic relationship from a place of "WANT" and not from a place of "NEED". Men and women simply don't feel attracted to needy people.

[@saitama3795]

@@sshreddderr9409 Well... a broken home or dysfunctional upbringing doesn't imply that they are ugly or will be unsuccessful in life in whatever other metrics you're likely to list as things that will attract or repel people. What you just said whether intentionally or not, still implies that someone can still potentially be worthy of being desired in an objective, shallow way but mentally are fucked by their upbringing.

[@annemarie3811]

@saitama3795 Dude. If he implied it, I’ll say it directly. I’m attractive and well off. “Worthy” of being desired and that happens for sure. Can I find and keep a good relationship? Hell no, because I’m a mess. That’s an extremely common combo tbh. Desiring a person just means you want to take or have something from them. Nothing to do with an actual supportive relationship.

[@drek9k2]

@@DonVigaDeFierro I frankly don't have sympathy for people that look at others materialistically like some sort of fucking upgrade like buying a better handbag, the same way these people go shopping for a religion not "oh this is the ultimate truth" but more "oh does this belief system really suit me and my lifestyle." It is so completely ass backwards and YES, if you are looking at ANYONE like "settling" the truth of the matter is you shouldn't be in a relationship to begin with--because that indicates you are looking for another to fill your needs and give you something, as opposed to building a healthy connection and a life together. That is something so fundamentally different I don't even think a lot of people recognize it anymore, and it's one of the biggest reasons the frankly nicest gf I had, I broke up with her for good after 2 years, because while she was sweet and loving it really was in the end I think about her filling a hole in herself, getting some need met, that the biggest reason I broke up was thinking about the way she kept acting like my previous gf was "better" than her. Just the use of the word, better, it's like, no it was right, it felt right, you can't force a thing to feel right and to me the relationship between us felt wrong from start to finish, similar to how I knew my last gf was done for good when it felt wrong the last time I was with her in that way. It is feeling right and wrong, not "better than" and similarly anybody who's looking a tthings in terms of "better" WILL try and leave you when they, rightly or wrongly, think that they can find someone else better too. It's strictly a binary, yes and no, right or wrong answer, and if you don't feel "right" with me I don't really even want you. Because it should just feel right for both of us. If you're sitting there worrying about how I look or what features I have like some product and writing up a list between me and other men comparing it like some choice, the correct answer is in fact none of these men. Because the right man you shouldn't even need to compare or write a list about him. And that's also why some women are so fundamentally broken they are unable to be dated at all, is becuase they got ran through so bad it's now just about a shopping trip for them comparing different products, and none of these men are ever going to have every last feature, so she's always going to cheat and be unhappy. I repeat--anyone, who thinks about something as "settling" or "better than" is not fit to be in a romantic relationship. You'll know it instantly when you meet someone you should be in a relationship with, and it's often the case men are told to have sex and women are told to have bfs and all that jazz to where people wantonly use women and men as mere playthings and status symbols when they didn't even want the person at all, and didn't have the balls to just tell them no in the first place and put their foot down to keep not just the person out of their life, but keep themselves out from theirs and therefore not wasting each other's time when at least one of you already *knew* from the start. It's the mark of stunning, teenage-like immaturity to keep trying and forcing a thing to become "right" when the other person has made it clear they're just not that into you and don't feel right. That might work as a literal child being married off at age 12, but if you're not in arranged marriage as a child, fact is nothing will ever be made right. You will fail. You two are going to break up and you're selfishly wasting their time when they should be looking for the one.

[@DeJahMode]

It took a lot of unnecessary situations for me to realize it is me, it’s me. I hate myself so much that I just allow horrible ppl to cause me trauma so I can hold onto it and say “ I don’t want to deal with you because I’ve been they’re and done that”. I mean Ray Charles could see I was just something to do in the mean time between time. No love no care but I allowed that. Once they know they can treat you a certain way they will do it. I am aware, I know it’s me. I can’t even say I’m trying to fix it I’m just not dealing with anyone. I’m mentally tired and feel disgusting, discouraged and depressed with what I allowed. I need to fix all that before dealing with anyone.

[@DFRKR]

Self-love is literally real though. The problem is as people are mis using it. Loving yourself does not mean continuing to overeat. Become obese and kill yourself with food. Loving yourself does not mean. That other people aren't gonna see you know imperfect And someone that needs to work on some things loving yourself and valuing yourself doesn't mean that you don't have things to work on, but if basically having self-esteem, but people like how what do we call it? We don't call it self-esteem because they've already been calling it. That for years and nobody has cared at all. So we need to call someone else. And now they've called it self-love, so it's just basically self-respect. Have, that's good to have, but you still need to get in the gym. You still need to improve your diet. And that's also part of self-love. I must freak and say self-love loving yourself is taking care of yourself. That means a good diet that means conditioning your hair. Brush your teeth that means do your laundry. So if you think about it, you pay attention to self. Love, it's actually not bad. But when you feel like c*** and you're still not getting what you want, then you don't care. About it You know, that's just your inner self coming out. I don't care that my clothes are clean. I don't care that my teeth are expertly white. I don't care that my hair is moist and glistening and like a freaking model hair. Because if I don't have a penis. Trying to give me body then I don't f****** care. Unfortunately, you're classic feminine values. Still come out anyway, which is but where on a dude's a**The male validations and not from any male, you know Whenever you would get one.

[@pixelsoap411]

I think people forget that self love also means to take care of your body health, mental health, appearance etc.❤

[@Lolitastar79]

I dated someone who wasn't good to me. I learned my lesson of what I didn't want nor deserve. Met a man who showed me my value, made me want to be better, and made me want to lift him up. We've been married for 22 years. Has it been easy? Nope. Has it been worth it? Yup. And we all change, if one doesn't change for betterment? That's how you attract those who won't treat you like garbage.

[@gromswowguide7927]

Being obese is a symbol of neglect, and it always will be, cause in reality no matter what your individual struggle with it is, it still is a basic form of neglect. It also shows personal disipline, and an active person with better impulse control is also just more attractive.

[@nunnunnunyabizzie2345]

And the funniest thing about it is- none of what you said is true. Weight does not = neglect or lack of self discipline. For some, yeah sure, but across the board? No way and far from it.

[@BrightEyes61680]

I lost 80 pounds in 4 months dry fasting, and intermittent fasting. No food and no water is HARD! I wasn’t just laying around the house. I was working, walking, jogging, lifting weights, all while dry fasting. The sacrifices I made translated into benefits that were more just the external visuals. I became a completely different person inside and out. You cry tears of joy and pain. You gain so much strength mentally, physically, and emotionally. You lose friends. You get resentment and jealousy from people who you thought were comrades. But until you experience that, you’ll never really know. I feel her pain, but deep down, we know that unless you get a weekly injection, or a gastric sleeve, you’ll have to diet and exercise. And even doing the former won’t last unless you eventually incorporate the latter.

[@Jankyito]

i don't know why people want to act like they are just a floating soul. YOUR BODY IS YOU. The way you look is you. You cant have a person without a body, even blind people have strong preferences for peoples voices and the way their bodies feel. You cant replace the way it feels to have someone you're attracted to vs someone you're not. It doesn't matter how close I am to my best friend nor how much I love his personality, he could never replace what it feels like to be with a woman I'm attracted to. When people try to say that personality is all that matters, its because they got nothing else. Its easier to deny a part of you than at least try to improve.

[@FleshWizard69420]

I've always seen it similar to that. Your body is a fleshy machine, and like any machine, it requires upkeep

[@sharonbalbina825]

Just offering a different perspective. Things like severe trauma or autism can make you feel disconnected from your body. It makes it hard to feel (or place) your body's needs, including not knowing when you're hungry or full or even confusing other things like thirst or anxiety for hunger. There are even therapist that dedicate their time to helping people get back in touch with their body.

[@ashlyforever5025]

My cousin is blind and has an amazing sense of smell. She often comments that she can tell someone is heavier by their smell alone, without touching them. She is turned off by them and SHE IS BLIND lmao

[@icu3869]

Many who insist personality is what matters don’t even have THAT . Having a negative attitude, being clueless, humorless, temperamental etc. lower appeal a LOT. If you want others to focus on the “whole package“ make sure it’s the best version of you there is.

[@user-fo6ky3dr6g]

@@sharonbalbina825cope even if you are “disconnected” everyone knows what they show be doing eat healthy work out prioritizing your mental health is important to avoid drugs/alcohol most people know what they need to do for the life they want the problem is most people refuse to do that

[@AndresGomez-ct7qb]

I used to think similarly to this woman in my mid 20s. Genuinely thought I attracted problematic women just cause. And, Preach is right saying it's about who you let it, that's true. But there's something beyond that, and it's about trying to figure out what types of women you fit with. Not the women you're most attracted to, no the one's you have wild trips and adventures with on the weekend, not even the ones with chemistry in bed, but the ones you actually fit together with on a personality level and where you coexist in true peace. Problem is, that requires you to throw away the fantasies you had about the women you wanted as a teen. Same way at a certain point you have to stop deluding yourself thinking you'll be a professional athlete when you just not good enough. Or even when professionally you ignore what you're good at because you're fixated on a certain path you want to take. Hope I managed to articulate myself somewhat.

[@logicoveremotionspodcastre453]

Spot on family 👏🏾

[@JenniferEzell-bh6ui]

I wonder if she'd date a man her size. As someone who is on a weight loss journey, it makes all the difference in how you view yourself. When you care for yourself, you naturally become happier, and you attract the right people. I'm lucky enough to have a man who thinks I'm beautiful, but I also started dating someone who treats me with the respect I have for myself and started leaving the "bad boys" alone. We can't blame society, "all men," or skinny women for our own unhappiness.

[@JenSumma]

Being healthy feels amazing. I use to restrict my diet when I was young and didn’t know why I was bloated and gaining weight. I figured out that I had food allergies and the weight gain, elevated blood pressure, rashes and mental issues were all warning signs. Now I eat within my tolerated diet options and I feel great!! Im curvy, petite and my skin is glowing 😌