Forever Alone Woman Is Preaching

[@ajtaylor8750]

I respect her honesty because there's a lot of men and women who say "screw the other side," but deep down they're just hurt because of the experiences they've had with the opposite sex.

[@Farhan_049]

And they're unwilling to explain their predicament when the other side tries to cooperate with them.

[@SmickyD]

@@Farhan_049 I'm glad you said that. i used to have a real problem trusting women from having a shitty mom to getting into bad relationships. it took a while for me to realize i was a part of that problem and only after that was i able to open up to a woman. I'm happily engaged now and she knows everything about my past. its a very vindicating feeling to let go of stuff like that.

[@jamespaul6315]

People who cause pain are in pain a lot of the time. I try to be mindful and understanding. Shes probably a decent girl under that

[@omnissiah7247]

A lot of people are saying "screw the other side" because the other side is saying "screw the other side". It's a vicious cycle.

[@JustAFatherlyNerd]

I literally will screw the other side

[@RandomKeto]

As someone who has lost a lot of weight, it's insulting to say that losing weight only changes her body. The discipline it takes to tell yourself "no" and follow through on a long term goal to lose 150 pounds? That would change her. For sure. And also, she's right. Most men like thinner women. Frustrating for those of us that struggle with weight, but life isn't fair. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@PostProteusKitten]

underrated comment

[@Dunno-h8r]

Very true I just watched some of you videos, congratulations on your baby 🎉

[@order7536]

Congratulations soldier 💪 🪖

[@ChildrensRightsFirst947]

When it comes to weight a lot of people simply want someone who's healthy. Being overweight typically means that person isn't exercising much and eats trash. It will inevitably cause serious health issues later in life.

[@chosenlight7289]

Congratulations love!! Ummm. Can you please help me and give me some tips. I would appreciate it ❤

[@Knightmare0259]

My best advice: 1. Surround yourself with people who share your values. 2. Don't set high standards for a first meeting. Most positive relationships are the result of both people making changes to better fit the couple. 3. Realistically differentiate preferences from needs. Height is a preference, non-abusive is a need. People often neglect their needs to get what they want.

[@SamanthaP48]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Yes!!! Realistic EXPECTATIONS!!!!

[@ChildrensRightsFirst947]

Not knowing this woman it really isn't possible to say what the problem is. It could be her weight, but maybe not. A lot of people aren't aware of their own patterns of behavior, and how they come across to others. She could be doing things that are off-putting to the men she likes.

[@coolcat1530]

It's not her weight. Period. There are PLENTY of men who don't give a shit about weight. @@ChildrensRightsFirst947

[@MATERNATION92x]

4. Lose some weight

[@MahsinurRahmanLava]

My best advice.... be you and see what happens

[@witch_painting_memory]

As a formerly very overweight woman who is now a healthy weight, I think losing weight for other people almost always fails. I had crushes on guys who told me they didn't date fat girls. Did I lose weight for them? No. Since junior high, my mother would always express her worries about my weight, but did that actually work? Nope. So what actually worked? Simply put, I didn't want to be a slave to food addiction anymore. I didn't want to be taking prescription drugs and feeling like crap anymore. I first tackled the addiction (which is the hardest part ngl). I finally found freedom from my addiction. Took me a while to take the next step towards health, but I finally did it. I am now the weirdo at social events that never eats the food lol. But I feel so much better physically and mentally. My self-confidence has not increased that much. The only thing that's different in that respect is that I feel proud of accomplishing a very difficult goal. But do I finally feel beautiful now? Not really. Am I more outgoing and charismatic? Nope. Do I have more friends? No, in fact, I have less now. Turns out, for some reason, a lot of people don't like it when their friends improve themselves and their lives. But that doesn't minimize all the good that has been done for me by losing the weight. It's just important to go into a weight loss journey with realistic expectations. Weight loss is absolutely not a cure all.

[@1a2a3a-io8bt]

I'm so glad you managed to beat your food addiction. I'm currently struggling with this addiction and it's honestly incredibly difficult. It's also difficult when I overeat, how I feel afterwards and I know how I will feel, but I still do it. Some days are harder, some days are easier.

[@stephs8277]

This!! Congratulations on beating food addiction. I am also on this journey. You’re right it’s not a cure all.

[@disposablehero9968]

I too noticed my friends have left since I dropped a lot of weight. I'm glad they did me the favor and removed themselves, I don't miss being the punchline to all their jokes so maybe it's for the best. Good luck on your journey.

[@obi-wankenobi1419]

Out of curiosity, why do you have less friends as a result of your weight loss?

[@witch_painting_memory]

@@obi-wankenobi1419 It's difficult to say for sure why they acted the way they did, maybe the weight loss had nothing to do with it. But to me, it seemed rooted in jealousy and bitterness they had towards my weight loss. At first, they would stage "intervention" type things to tell me that my diet was unhealthy (it was literally just gluten free keto, lots of meat and veggies--recipes prepared at home using mostly whole foods). They'd get upset that I wasn't taking their warnings about how I ate seriously. They basically were acting like I had an ED or something. They claimed I was just blindly following the advice of random KZbin "Diet Gurus" when I told them I can't eat gluten, despite my bloodwork clearly showing that gluten worsened my autoimmune condition. They would scoff and roll eyes anytime I would say I can't eat certain foods etc. They'd frequently try to tempt me to eat unhealthy foods I used to love. And over time, they started grumbling about basically anything I did, whether it was diet related or not. Finally, they kicked me out of their friend group, and we haven't spoken since. I was really broken up about it at the time, but looking back, I'm pretty glad to have their toxicity out of my life.

[@01man01truck]

As someone who has lost 105 lb, this was a tough pill to swallow. I went from zero matches on tinder to being deemed the most popular person in my area. Initially it made me quite upset because I knew in my heart I was still the same person. But also I had to understand that no one owes me attraction. It is what it is.

[@thezu9250]

I think people try to pass looks as some sort of superficial want. But your ability to take good care of yourself is indicative of other traits that would make you a desirable partner. It’s not really just about how you look. It’s about showing that you have things like discipline, patience, or whatever. This is assuming you didn’t take short cuts to get to your goals. So a well groomed body and a well taken care of physique communicates more than just your physical shape. I mean the fact that you were able to lose so much weight confirms that you have those characteristics. It’s much easier to maintain short term especially while young than it is to lose a significant amount of weight. However, maintenance over decades is harder than losing a significant amount of weight while younger. I assign more of these values to men who are in shape in their 40s versus some 25-year-old. So congratulations on your progress! I hope you find a partner who cares about you for you but also will support the new lifestyle you have.

[@notsocooldude7720]

Were you swiping right on girls that you found unattractive? Nobody wants to be with someone they have no physical attraction to

[@IvanskiYakinovski]

@@thezu9250 Its tinder bro, it aint that deep 😂 but you aint wrong

[@elitsoerrosenberg]

It is what it is

[@drehardin]

Looks are imbedded in us and beyond that... in animals as well. 🦚Peacock birds for instance judge each other by their colors. Lions and Tigers by hair mane and muscle. It's not a definitive answer, but it allows the viewer a large clue into a person's/animals health status, capabilities, and priorities. Nothing wrong with it.

[@nervrenders]

As someone who lost 240 pounds I can tell you my personality changed from when I was heavier. When you feel better about how you look the way you carry yourself in social situations changes for the better.

[@fillerbunnyninjashark271]

I walk dogs for a living and have trained many people... A lot of them were pretty obese in the beginning. Couple years later they listened better to their body and lost significant amounts of weight. They all told me they were so much happier and just had less issues overall

[@nicksshitbro]

As someone who lost 125lbs. I agree! Just noticing the smiles from people that normally would have a grimace on their face, it has a deeply profound impact on your psyche.

[@olli3686]

Your personality changed the moment you decided to start losing weight because you chose self improvement and you chose losing weight as a means of self improvement. Congrats! However, her focus on weight loss over taking a shower or becoming less marginalizing of men is concerning. One thing I’ve noticed is there is a huge push for weight loss surgeries, which require you to permanently be on vitamins and medicine and often there are complications. People will undergo major surgery for a few pounds instead of adjusting their diet or exercise, and they always gain weight back because they didn’t have the will power, they cheated and lost.

[@DubcatcherAmazing]

@@nicksshitbroisn’t it crazy how random people grimaced at you because you were fat. You didn’t even do anything to them you were just fat😭

[@nervrenders]

@@nicksshitbro THIS! The people that will actually look at you or not giggle when they walk past. You either find yourself interacting with people who speak to you first or you find yourself walking into a store and not having to worry about every eye on you. Weight loss will definitely change your personality be it big or small, there will be a change and it will be for the better.

[@mathieul4303]

Self love culture can only do so much to make you forget your loneliness. We are beings that needs to see people. We aren’t made to be alone.

[@sababaratashvili8629]

Yep, we are social animals, majority of people are happier when they are with someone else.

[@Farhan_049]

Last time I said something like that, I was "web-crucified" by a triggered mob on Instagram!

[@mario125ww]

Don't listen to mainstream advice when it comes to psychology of people. Self love is just the new drug that people use to explain why someone is single. Just use your own truth

[@Reshme77]

Self love teaches us that we can find love. But if we don't We'll be ok

[@waynewayne8419]

You’re just needy lol

[@csbrown9322]

As a person who has struggled with my weight and attractiveness to women my whole life, I understand. But people are generally attracted to attractive people. It's a difficult pill to swallow if you're unattractive and/or very overweight. This woman isn't even ugly! She could lose the weight and be extremely attractive to many men.

[@thelastgoodmaninjersey]

Just visit the Philippines and the women will find you exotic. It's such a wonderful bizarro world.

[@CozyRomani]

It’s just a matter of if you willing to change for yourself without self-loathing. Currently she’s still in self-loathing/finding the love for herself to get better. But honestly she just needs to work out and stick to a system. Discipline creates a greater individual

[@greglane501]

Yes. You could tell she'd look really good if she just lost the weight.

[@Glace1221]

I mean I think she's pretty now

[@trianglesandsquares420]

@random269 Height struggle is not a thing girls understand. If a guy is truly short, he can aim for either the really short girls, fat girls, or the super tall girls who also struggle with height. Otherwise, he's probably not short at all he's just psyching himself out.

[@duanejrc]

I’m friends with a girl that used to be really fat and her personality completely changed. She used to be the girl in the girl group that got used and when she lost weight her confidence went up and she cut those mean girls off. They tried to paint her as the villain but most of us knew she was really sweet and just wasn’t going to be a doormat anymore. Confidence combined with genuine kindness is very attractive so combine that with her being in great shape and her options are night and day. It’s anecdotal but I’ve seen the change extreme weight loss can have and it was positive.

[@wiseguy240Winston]

This is proof of the argument that women often don't want their less attractive friends to be aware of why they aren't attractive and what they need to improve. Ever notice the skinny attractive women supporting obesity and plus size movements and ppl? If these women got cheated on and the guy chose a plus-size or obese woman, these chick's would be enraged and feel disgusted losing their man to a fat girl. This is a method these women use to kill potential competition. Use her as the ugly friend to boost their appeal 2 men.

[@Dontmind8]

Even when I was thin, I never had options in terms of men. I’ve just never been regarded as a potential romantic partner to any guy. Men would’ve loved to use me for sex, but I always denied their advances. I want a loving relationship, not hookups. Some of us do struggle to attract the opposite sex, and we don’t know why that is. Some people get into a relationship without even trying, others never find anyone and don’t have any options considering dating.

[@BNezzy]

majority of humans deep down in their subconsciousness are extremely cruel, selfish, and mean. The ones who virtue signal are often the worst ones as the virtue signaling is often a shield to hide their true nature.

[@GFODT562]

@@Dontmind8lmao it’s you. You reek of narcissism

[@mystiquevening]

@BNezzy I agree with us being selfish. We’re animals and everything is “selfish”, trying to survive and the higher the conscious the desire to thrive comes in. But I don’t think most people are cruel and mean. I think most people have a desire to have good relationships. But if society and family aren’t teaching the right tools we struggle to go about it the right way. It’s very difficult to see our actions and words from another’s perspective. Takes a lot of clear communication.

[@katmadison7607]

My daughter went through a similar phase. She wasn't all angry at men. She was just up in arms. Her sister-in-law spoke with her and made her realize she needed some "self improvement." It worked..and she also just expanded some of the things she did socially. Not bars or anything. She just started going more places. Where people go in larger groups.. this girl needs to do the same.. she is limiting herself.

[@zoulzopan]

going to more places like what? do you have any examples?

[@greuju]

I mean yeah but she needs to lose a lot of weight.

[@yn7751]

@@zoulzopan I know some people at work who tell me that they have a lonely lifestyle, but they also never partake in activities at the workplace, make the effort to talk to people etc

[@johnniewalker3134]

​@@zoulzopanhobbies and games. The mall. Concerts. Camping on the river. Ect.

[@riccardocacchioli9952]

She just need to lose weight and learn to cook

[@LiciFreak]

“is it all the people that you attract or is it all the people you let in?” hit me so hard. i’ve never heard it phrased like that but it’s so true. even if you’re trying to be an open, loving, supportive person it’s still going to happen. sticking to boundaries is key but like the girl says it’s still very lonely

[@xbabu142x]

I have a policy to be nice to anyone and everyone, till they show me otherwise, then just not engage if I can manage, I find it unnecessary to decline stuff in a argumentative manner in terms of interpersonal relationships and just ease of day to day life honestly. However, not to sidetrack, but the experiences you describe as are going to still happen, I always view them as a positive learning experience, well nowadays anyway. Really helped me get over some stuff looking at things that way than dwelling on it.

[@hedlokmayhem6931]

It's a bit of both because you don't always attract what you want and then when you set aside biases those people end up fucking off the relationship because of what ever they been through or are going through in that moment

[@TommyTwoSocks]

It’s all vampire rules

[@1GonzalezAR1]

That whole defeatist attitude is making me soft

[@antithoughtpolice7497]

Well, I thought it was: you could attract all kinds of people, but think you only attract assholes BASED on who you let in. How loving, supportive, and open are you being, when you try fixing assholes? You're not that good of a person, you got a white knight complex, honey. I'd know, I've been there.

[@juanis8219]

All things considered, I really appreciate her honesty. It takes a lot of guts to come out in to the viciousness of the internet and talk about this. I hope she’s gotten good advice and some insights that are helping her. I can def relate to never really meeting the good guys once you decide to stop putting up with the douchey guys. This isn’t to say there aren’t still a lot of good guys out there, but they’re definitely either more introverted, or just busy doing something productive with their lives lol, so you really don’t encounter them often unfortunately. It’s wayyy easier to meet shitty guys cause they are always out on the prowl.

[@realtsavo]

For me, it's the fact that I'm somewhat awkward, and slow at picking up social cues. As a result, a lot of women who might have been interested in me lose interest quickly. Those that remain are usually not the kind of women I would want to be in a relationship with. It's frustrating, especially when you shoot your shot with someone you like, they seem open to it at first, but then, for whatever reason, that interest gets lost, and the only conclusion you can come to after it happening repeatedly is that it's something you are doing (or not).

[@ArbiterDan]

One issue with dating I keep hearing about is "all good men are taken". Which is somewhat true, I know some men my age (30-40) who are still unmarried but I have to admit they have issues. Either they don't want to commit, like ever. Or they have some major character issues. The best way to get married is when you are young. The current problems today is young people are very immature and are in no way equipped to start steady relationships. So they wait, they get fat, they get bored, are low-energy... well good luck finding your "forever-after" match.

[@scary5455]

If a male incel said all this, you'd just roast him and tell him to self love first

[@scary5455]

​@@ArbiterDan It's not true at all. 60% of men under 30 have been single for a year or longer. The fact she can even show her face proves she has more smv and dmv than Dream, who got roasted for showing his face even when it's not ugly and he isn't overweight.

[@juanis8219]

@@scary5455 huh? English please

[@lemao2222]

Self-love is important. But it’s not to be confused with narcissism.

[@Ash_Wen-li]

Just like a lot of people confuse preferences for standards

[@Jeremy-wp4yh]

Well said

[@noblegalifreyan4551]

The problem is that some people begin to love themselves too much and almost defensively. Self love is about doing stuff for what you need not doing stuff for what you want or feel.

[@pezza2113]

Self love for a lot of people has become an excuse to not self improve, true confidence comes from having something of value, a lot of people forget that these days:/

[@satyamshukla3764]

I agree. Self -Love must provide the basis for an individual to self-improve. Otherwise self-love loses its purpose and just serves as an excuse to not improve.

[@markfelgas740]

Being a male on the heavy side for over 20 years and being single for at least 17 of those years, I finally came to the conclusion that I'm the one that hinders my life, happiness and relationships and since last year I've been working to better myself body and mind. I think she needs to realize that it's not other ppl fault that she's not happy.

[@BrianThaLion99]

Brotha Im slim as a pencil and fit... We're in the same boat. Lose the weight for YOU but these women out here are the same for me and I'm skinny. You're not missing much as far as that.

[@jonasrmb01]

​@@BrianThaLion99 Ever thought about going to the gym?

[@noaharthur9041]

@@BrianThaLion99 you gotta hit the gym bro. Or start increasing your calorie intake.

[@rorynolan2322]

​@@BrianThaLion99plenty of big people are in relationships and plenty of very skinny people are in relationships, you put up your own barriers with attitudes like that.

[@BrianThaLion99]

@@jonasrmb01 Ok skinny as a pencil was hyperbole. Im fit. 5'11" 180lb athletic build. Im just trying to relate to bro and let him know that even dudes who arent overweight are encountering the same issues. He shouldnt feel excluded because of his weight.

[@jhiatt1516]

Just like your hygiene, your hair style, or the way you dress, the state of your physical body says a lot about you as a person. It’s universal and not just in the dating scene. And it WILL influence whether people wanna date you or even associate with you.

[@benja303]

Her problem is entitlement. She thinks that she is entitled to a romantic relationship because she is a decent person. She is a female version of the "Nice Guy"

[@catastrophecookies6066]

This isn’t true. I’ve seen dudes who dress dingy and have gorgeous women it really is what’s between the ears for women. I’d agree on men as far as universal attraction, but not women- there’s always a man willing it’s just how open you are to it- and these apps are toxic to women’s psyche. I also mean universal attraction as in social media has wedged a wall for men speaking to women and they only go by what they would see on a Teen Beat magazine back in the day. We as men aren’t built that way

[@randomcomment6068]

She's a 2 looking for a 9 and finds nothing but desert. And she hates that.

[@Novous]

I've had people give me significantly more attention just because I shaved. It's sad how much presentation matters, but the reality is the reality so use it to your advantage.

[@anonymousbo0318]

​@@catastrophecookies6066😂🤡

[@w.a.s.davila78]

As a female who has dealt with weight issues I can honestly say that weight loss and gain DOES change who u are. When I dropped weight I was more active, had less back pain, liked myself, shopping again, going out, Getting that attention she spoke of wanting, and because you feel good and look good, your confidence goes up and an increase of confidence alone goes a LONG way. But when u gain weight ur back n body hurt more, u don't feel good, ur not as active, clothes u want to wear don't look right or just don't fit making the depression and low self-esteem increase only making it all get worse till u radiate sadness, envy, jealously, anger, low self-esteem, low self worth. So weight does play a big roll in most females lives. BUT if you can love yourself find confidence as you are you can find happiness and maybe with someone but no one wants to be with a negative person that they have to spend every moment reassuring you(skinny or fat). FACT, different Men like different body types but NO man likes when they go to be intimate and ur distracted by ur insecurities, all u wanna do is cover up the body that they wanna love on. So u need to find a way to love yourself as you are and if you can't, then work on you. There's plenty of workout apps to help keep u on track if it's what u really want. Do u want it bad enough to work for it? Cuz 💯nothing worth having comes easy. And u gotta be realistic because even all the exercise in the world won't make us look how we want sometimes we r left with saggy skin or stretch marks so we really do need to learn to love you first.

[@keyboardking8008]

Are they attracted to fat women ? Or are they staying with these fat women because they don't have other options

[@ollynolly4592]

Honestly I lost weight and became a recluse. Being treated better in my skinny body distroyed my self confidence and self worth especially because most of the people that treated me better were my own friends and family. I never realised how much they must have found me disgusting, I guess. I've gained a lot of the weight back and I get a lot less attention now but I am also happier for it. I eat what I want, I exercise to keep a healthy heart and a clear mind but I put the number on the scale at the very back of my mind.

[@keyboardking8008]

@@ollynolly4592 men like women that take care of themselves. That bullshit ( if someone loves you , they love you no matter what ) is just horse shit feed to you by mainstream media. - would you love a man for his personality if he didn't take care of himself , didn't keep a job , wouldn't protect you ? .. no , no you won't , you would leave him in a heart beat ... and rightfully so

[@thebestcat9601]

My mom has had a weight issues for decades but she is a wonderful person and it has never affected her personality, so this is not everyone’s experience.

[@jonathan-d4d]

I appreciate what Aba said about how being obese is an issue of self-care, because I’ve got a lot of weight to lose myself and I refuse to have a pity party acting like women ought to take a chance on “the real me.” No one is obligated to be attracted to us, and I want to put in the work to better myself rather than blame the world for my own choices.

[@danielk.english6004]

you can do it! start with small things, make those into habits, and build your way up gradually.

[@tendressenk.9716]

💯💯💯

[@music4laur]

fr I’m losing all this gross fat before I ever try to get into dating

[@SigmaGentPodcast]

I recommend looking into the Blood Type diet. It's a pretty sustainable diet solution.

[@Jason-mh1pl]

People want healthy beauty, muscle or toned body yada yada. Thats the truth, you cant change that. What you can change is your weight though which will get you closer to the beauty standards, which leads to more attention. Which changes your interactions as a whole. Push ups, sit ups, squats, and running. Try all that and your gonna be unrecognizable

[@RobCooper-Bachatador]

I remember realising that I was attracted to athletic women, not just because of their looks but because being healthy showed me that they cared about themselves. And then thinking that I was no longer athletic myself, so wasn't living what I valued. So I changed that, became what I wanted and it changed my prospects with those I was attracted to.

[@Reasonablewater27]

Who were you attracted to?

[@reed4885]

Same!!!! I’m like dangit I like fit men 🤔 I gotta work out 🫣😵‍💫😂

[@canelareina3795]

Every man likes beauty

[@ellencox8415]

Ding ding ding... we have a winner. Humans are visual FIRST and her entire oura is "I don't care and have given up." She is uploading videos where people can see her and she has wet hair, baggy clothes, no base makeup, and from just the top half, probably 75 pounds overweight. Of course men are not giving her the time of day because she doesn't even give herself the time of day. This is the visual representation of depression and if she changed just one thing, it would likely snowball into more and more positive changes.

[@canelareina3795]

@@ellencox8415 And she said men are dog sh^t.

[@piecebypiece2028]

As someone who is on a weight loss journey, you are so right about it being about more then just your body. It has changed my energy levels, my mood, my ability to feel comfortable in my own body and that projects positively in the way that I not only treat myself, but others. I'm still severely obese and it's a long journey, but my goodness has it changed my life for the better. For those curious, was at 320. Now 285. Still making slow progress, but even here I am light-years from where I was a year ago.

[@zdreamerz1436]

Same I’m almost 100 pounds down and my body craves nutrition, I feel lighter on my feet, less depressed about how I look, and has affected my confidence. The best thing to do is just be happy with your decisions, if your big and happy and if your small and happy it’s alright, I’m still considered over weight but I’m thick I like my curves. As long as it’s not in the obese category it’s great

[@MrMysteryman00]

Good work

[@Devn3dx]

Good Luck on your journey! I hope you get the results you're looking for and then some, we're proud of you!

[@piecebypiece2028]

@@Devn3dx thanks!

[@yaoriattz7104]

That amount of dedication needs respect! I hope you reach your goal!

[@toodlescae]

The thing is she's a pretty girl but, as someone who let past verbal abuse from my bio father drag my self-esteem down for years, the love yourself advice is right. The self pity puts the good ones off. It wasn't until I was in my 30's and my preteen daughter told me "Mom you always tell me how beautiful I am and think you're ugly but Mom I look exactly like you. If I'm beautiful then so are you." that I got kicked out of that cycle and came to like myself. It didn't take long for me to decide that if other people didn't like me or find me attractive for whatever reason that it didn't matter as long as I like me. I always marched to my own beat and I still do. I found people who liked that I did. I may be single now but I wasn't always single.

[@crimsoncockatoo461]

She would be considered a 4 by men’s weird looks chart, and even incels think they deserve 7+ on their scale and think ‘homely/plain looking women’ are below them, even the chubby, balding ones. It took me ages to find a committed guy in my life, and I’m not bad looking but I’m not beautiful either (I’m a 6) so I get where she’s coming from. Seems many guys may date you but if they are disingenuous and shallow, which unfortunately many seem to be, they’ll always be looking for a ‘better looking option’ and just ghost you when they think they’ve got your replacement. This happened to me 3 times by guys who dated me for 2-3 years and this wasted my time, should of been honest at the very beginning. I gave them trust and space and this is how I was repaid, ironically whenever they ended up single again, they’d emerge from under a rock trying their luck with me again and I’d shut it down.. but that goes to show what people they really were. They don’t want to ‘settle’ (their words) for their female looks scale equivalent, or someone below a 7+ attractive period.

[@TheGbitte]

She's an very obese girl, she's literally on the level of very obese men, not chubby @@crimsoncockatoo461

[@tatamigalaxy-i5r]

​@@crimsoncockatoo461 Hey, I'm a guy who is below average and I want just want to add my perspective to this. First of all, she is definitely my type and I would date her when it comes to her looks. Her hair and clothing looks alternative, and that style makes up for her being a bit chubby. She is at least a 5.5 in my weird looks chart. Take this with a grant of salt, but from my perspective, pretty much most women also think they deserve a 7+. The only difference is that this rating already puts a guy in like the top 20 % of attractiveness. Most men are not rated very highly on the looks scale by women. So if you are a 4-6 then it might work out with a 7+ guy, but you are setting yourself up to get used (sorry for all these bullshit numbers but I don't know how to communicate it otherwise). Men are not more shallow than women, it's just that they have literally 0 standards when it comes to hooking up with girls casually. Getting a guy to sleep with you doesn't mean that he wants to be seen with you in public. I know it's hard, but it is how it is. Men don't want to be seen with fat/ugly girls, women don't want to be seen with short/ugly men who are noticeably below their own league. So you have to swallow the hard truth: maybe it's not just men who are shallow. It's probably also you. That's why you end up with disingenuous men. There are so many guys out there who would want to date women like the girl in this video (me included lol). However, we are seen as too insecure, too introverted, maybe even too feminine or just not physically attractive enough for y'all. Let me add this: I had a girlfriend in the past and even another friend of hers told me that she thinks it's great how I didn't pressure her into sex and she noticed that I treated her well. Obviously this is just the basic minimum - I agree - but I'm just saying, I'm not pretending to be a good person and then dumping every girl that gives me a chance. I'm not using anyone for sex. We below average men always get shit on, and people call us nice guys, incels or whatever, but we don't get chosen either, because y'all want your tall, confident, popular and good looking boyfriends (Even if you think of them as equal or below you, they most likely are much more attractive relatively speaking than you think. So you are always competing with other women.). But they probably only want sex, otherwise they wouldn't date you, as hard as that sounds. You need to realize how your own preferences set you up for failure and you need to stop blaming men for being shallow. We are all the same. The only reason men don't get used for sex is because many of us are not seen as desirable enough in the first place to even have casual sex with. Bo Burnham once said: "If you want love, lower your expectations". (english is not my native language)

[@bigd3721]

as a man, I used to be 340 pounds and I’m down 100 pounds now, and I have been skinnier. I can tell you women care about looks, and it bothers me that they want me to accept them at their weight, but didn’t they didn’t want to accept me at my heaviest.

[@calebco7985]

The whole relationship dynamic between men and women is really just one big rules for thee not for me. In time men need to learn women don’t truly like men they just see us as tools for they’re objective.

[@MojoChino]

100 lbs? You okay? That sounds unhealthy

[@JorgoSimonidhi]

​@@MojoChinohe said 100lbs down. So he's 240 now

[@bigd3721]

@@MojoChino not enough, need to be around 180lbs. i’m 6ft

[@MojoChino]

@@bigd3721 I’m sorry I read that as you were down TO 100 lbs 😅😅😅 my bad! Good for you !

[@hotboxhorror]

As someone who was insecure when i was huge and skinny... people def treat you differently. People would hold more doors when i was skinny and when i was fat it seemed like people would be more angry with me and care less. I got invited to more things too. i had the same mindset maybe even worse when i was skinny. Its definitely eye opening when you actively go through it. i don't think its limited to women tho.

[@BNezzy]

most people in this world judge people based on their weight and looks. Even the people who say they don't, they do. They may not want to believe it or do it on purpose but they subconsciously do it all the time. Otherwise people like yourself and me wouldn't have lived experiences proving this. I honestly wish people would stop virtue signaling and just be honest so people can see them and treat them for who they are not their fake versions.

[@hotboxhorror]

I agree. I respect everyone equally until you treat me or others poorly. no matter who you are or what you look like.@@BNezzy

[@haileyquinnzel]

When I was skinny, everyone bullied me & treated me like shit, and I never had any crushes. My fat friends however, weren’t bullied, were respected, and got romantic attention.

[@reggiestockton8166]

I used to be unattractive and women used to treat me like complete shit 😂 I literally thought thats just the way life is, that women will go out of their way to be cruel 😂 now I'm better looking and women are 15 to 20 times nicer to me 😂 its like night and day. Humans are incredibly shallow. That's why I get so mad whenever people say just be nice and only personality matters. The biggest lie ever told!!! My personality stayed the same but not my level of success with women. If anything I got more arrogant and douchey😂 half the time it doesn't even matter what you say to women, if they think you're attractive you can be a whole serial killer 😂 men are just as shallow but everyone knows that, so its not like some secret or revelation 😂

[@hotboxhorror]

Wow that's interesting. i wonder if where you live plays a factor?@@haileyquinnzel

[@lazcoroner1483]

It's a shame that these women are just realizing that they were lied to when it comes to the body positive movement.

[@xbabu142x]

I'm still in shock and awe that they managed to spin not being able to make it up a mild hill without being out of breath, or needing to ice your joints due to being out and about as a good thing honestly.

[@haileyquinnzel]

Size isn’t everything. When I was skinny, my fat friends got way more attention.

[@hexgp]

@@haileyquinnzelthen be fat since you’re going off your own experience l. Just be fat and find guys like your friends did

[@PickyVickyVindictive]

She never said anything about the body positivity movement.

[@976toya]

I was honestly content to stay fat the rest of my life because of it. Diabetes and high blood pressure be damned 🤦🏿

[@motherof1doll.]

Our body is a sign of self respect. If we respect our own body it shows and it causes people who respect themselves to feel more comfortable about sharing their life with you. Also, if she found an obese guy and gave him a chance and they both don’t think physical fitness is a priority I’ve seen that work too. But being in shape usually causes the individual to feel better, become more productive, and if you think everyone is in shape for other people rather than getting to feel good for themselves, you might want to just give it a little taste & see what you think of improving your own body & watching yourself overcome a challenge while improving your entire outlook on life & then see what you attract. It’s reality something. And actually, some guys only want big girls so there’s that. And I’ve been told by exes that they dated me because of an initial attraction, then they stayed for a while because of my personality & character. I was complaining about physical attraction being so shallow, but keeping friendships with people & having conversations with people I disagree with has allowed me to see more than I would have been able to see on my own. Don’t give up girly. The best thing I did was get into a class or group doing something I really enjoy or thinking of things I wanted to learn and then signing up to go learn that thing. All of those experiences taught me how to do things that I am now able to enjoy with my guy today. I also met so many people who I really learned from but just listening. Especially older people. 🤗

[@melawieeinapfel8594]

The kind of love people expect these days is the love they didn‘t get as children, unconditional love. But the love between a man and a woman IS in fact conditional and gied to standards. It is what it is.

[@rxgub]

👏

[@jollypolly1686]

She wants unconditional love, but you can bet she wouldn't give it herself.

[@JeffCaplan313]

Whose conditions?

[@junjae.]

yeah, just like Mike Tyson said. A woman will never love you like your mother and a man will never love a woman like a father.

[@nathancasey7712]

​@@jollypolly1686she doesn't even give it to herself

[@battlerifle8642]

If a dude can't get into a relationship, he's told he has issues- he needs to work on himself, go to the gym, change his incel mindset, and my favorite: get therapy. When women encounter the same issue it's because the system is inherently broken and not seeing the "value" in them. For the record, the advice men get is good and should be the standard for BOTH sides.

[@gianni_schicchi]

Yes, they're very coddled. It is what it is. I went from depressed and getting fat to proud of myself in short order by taking control of what I could and letting go of that which I could not. I could only do this because I knew no one would do anything for me, family included.

[@Flesh_Wizard]

Yeah therapy has turned from a piece of advice into a weapon

[@steven1671]

The reality is that men are usually held up to a high, sometimes even unattainable standard. Which is great. It's usually good to always strive to be the best version of yourself. But women are told that they're perfect as they are, which translates to them feeling like they don't need to meet any standard, which is actually counter productive and harmful to them.

[@DonVigaDeFierro]

​@@Flesh_WizardAh. Yes. Therapy: Wait months on a waitlist, get a chemical imbalance in your brain diagnosed by having a 10-minute conversation, get told that you need expensive and extremely addictive opioids, and get charged for it...

[@tsunamisoybeans]

100% agree. Hard work and self-awareness aren’t preached to women nearly as much as they are to men. It’s done a huge disservice to women as a whole. Of course there are plenty who are willing to self-reflect and put in the work to better themselves. But there are still a good chunk who choose to do nothing and demand that the rules of attraction be bent for them. It’s disheartening to see.

[@Sofiav1088]

I went sober, adopted a healthier lifestyle, and lost around 85 lbs, and I do feel like a different person. I feel less depressed, I feel more open, and authentic - I just feel more like me instead of being bogged down by heaviness. I do notice others notice me more (and some just see a moderately attractive person, and want to hit it and quit it - I'm aware of that now). But, I have my closest, dearest friends, who have been with me through thick and thin (no pun intended), and I keep going. I love feeling healthy, it helps me enjoy my life at the end of the day.

[@harsh3948]

@VegaNousmost people value superficially. It’s natural. What isn’t, is expecting people to value only your personality while not extending the same courtesy to them.

[@harsh3948]

​@VegaNousIt seems like you are unable to differentiate the difference between a survival strategy and a mating strategy. Women don’t need men to “survive”. They need men as much as a fish need a bicycle remember? Women do need men to make and raise kids though (although the raising part is up for debate). So they ideally choose rich goodlooking men that treat them like queens regardless of their own looks and personality. Unfortunately reality doesn’t work that way, especially for the “regardless of their looks or personality” part. Hence it’s unnatural

[@harsh3948]

@VegaNous Sure buddy, care to address the argument now?

[@Zer-mz4rw]

@VegaNous >Women that choose men only for how much money he makes are doing so as a survival strategy. Is it really a "survival strategy"? Women are able to work and are currently even outperforming men on average in attaining wealth.

[@Neion8]

@VegaNous You say that like there aren't tons of women who value guy's height to the point they outright refuse to consider men shorter than them or below 6ft as viable partners - hell sometimes even that's not enough; my 6ft1 best friend once got rejected by a 5ft2 girl because she said she wanted someone even taller. That's not even getting into genital size shenanigans. At least body weight is something you have some level of control over and also, unlike being freakishly tall which can cause back problems, the bodyfat percentage most guys want is healthy. As for me, I too would like someone relatively skinny but that's mostly because I love hiking and would like to share that with my gf/wife. It's easier to get fit enough for long walks and climbing (and less dangerous should accidents happen) if you start off with a healthy bodyweight than if you need to shed 100+lbs in the process. Also, if people have a large amount of bodyfat that can also be a sign they don't enjoy exercise - be that due to preferance or injury - and I'm not going to bully people into do things they don't want to. As for being valued for your appearance more than other qualities, we have a word for a bond based on liking someone's personality; that word is friend. You said yourself that you had male friends, they weren't valuing you for your appearance, they were your friends because they liked your personality. If you're looking for something more, it makes sense they expect more in return. That goes double for people who want a committed relationship, as unlike being able to have dozens of friends to meet each need, when we have to choose just one partner to spend the rest of our lives with it makes sense to get picky.

[@elizabethl3092]

as a fat woman, i don’t expect every man to find me attractive and want to be with me. i used to get hurt about it but i look at things realistically now. im not attracted to every single man i see so why are men any different? the only issue i have is when people use my weight to undermine me, i believe that’s disrespectful. but no one is obligated to be attracted to me. i’ve mostly been with skinny and fit guys and i used to wonder why they would like me but now i realize that i do have a lot of good qualities that some guys look for, physical or not. i am trying to be more healthy, i workout regularly and i try to eat within a calorie deficit, it’s difficult though because i have pcos but i still try my best. of course though men can’t tell that by looking at me. so im at the point where im just living my life and i know that i will find someone who will appreciate me and someone that will love me and my body alike

[@geneoakley]

You still live with the expectation that the kind of man you seek will someday appear. You're better off coming to terms to the prospect that you'll remain alone. As straight man, I have. Made my life much easier.

[@CEWIII9873]

Why not simply watch what you eat and go for walks?

[@st.toussaint4632]

This was a cope

[@elizabethl3092]

@@CEWIII9873 did you not read? i literally said i workout and i eat within a calorie deficit

[@elizabethl3092]

@@geneoakley i’m not alone, and i will never be. men are still very much interested in me at this weight. and i literally said im working out and changing my eating habits for my health. i’m not going to lose weight for a man to like me, i want to lose weight because i want to. i would never change myself to get a man

[@maj197]

This woman just described how most regular men must feel with being rejected and ignored for just being themselves. Side note: perhaps she just tune out social media and work on self improvement.

[@Kiwonfu]

Men always making it about themselves

[@sosmooth13]

It’s all about finding that potential match. It’s harder nowadays due to the current social climate between men and women. When I first got on Tinder in like, 2015, nowhere near as many men and women had such strong opinions on dating the way they do now. You just rolled with it and tried to make the best out of getting to know the date you were with.

[@michaelturley3457]

I think they went a little hard on her only going after bad men. The reality is she’s young and unfortunately not very pretty most young guys aren’t going to want to settle on her. If finding a man is that important she’s gotta take care of herself enough to lose weight and she will be treated better. I don’t think she is going after bad men, it’s just no “good” aka decently attractive man would want her especially at this stage in her and the guys life.

[@dooooodeses]

Perchance.

[@Youaretheactionsofgod]

​@michaelturley3457 Lets be honest, is she the one going up to guys asking them out? She could lose weight and then be a person, what are the requirements for men? It's more than losing weight. Way more.

[@jamespaul6315]

Is that just pearly things lol

[@taahirsa7673]

Bruh

[@636racer]

i thought so to in the thumbnail 😂

[@ripcord69]

I thought the same thing!!! Lol

[@oneleapforward903]

Just Burly things 😂

[@damson9470]

Damn.

[@mi0kate]

As a chubby heterosexual woman who is attracted to men, I'm tired of women who think men are wrong for not being attracted to them, but think women can reject men they aren't attracted to just fine. If you are not happy with your situation, change it.. If you are able bodied, take a darn walk!!

[@kidkid985]

Thank you, I’m sick of that too, many women think men are morally wrong for not being attracted to them, but the minute they reject man they aren’t attracted it’s okay and valid. I hate this social justice dating bs

[@the1only467]

Literally came here looking for this comment. Really tired of the blame game instead of looking at one’s self and addressing any issues. A winning personality beats looks any day in my book.

[@100organicfreshmemes5]

There's a reason fat acceptance/activist types are almost exclusively women, they think they deserve to be seen as attractive and get the men they're attracted to no matter how poorly they take care of themselves. Men are told to work on themselves or STFU and cry about it.

[@BBBBBB-rd8gg]

are you attracted to fat men at all?

[@shandorunia]

@@the1only467 1 million percent agree. However thats the perspective most people grow into as they get older.

[@ohmielevisope4237]

This girl woke up and chose honesty about her feelings. I can even relate to what she feels, there is a certain itch in your brain that can only be scratched and sated by a partner. No amount of friends and family will be able to satisfy that need of intimate love. If more people where as good at comunicating as her, this world would be a better place

[@theredheadwiththread1275]

The self-love and self-care she's being fed is actually self-indulgence.

[@briannadickson2884]

That's fine depending on how the health/ social effect

[@1N2345]

Spot on.

[@sweetbobbybliss]

That is the best way I’ve ever seen it said, spot on man!

[@JerryBarclaw]

Yea that's not the only thing she's being fed, pal

[@citrusbutter7718]

@@briannadickson2884 And yet they all seem so bitter and are literally dropping dead left and right..... Great they have free will, but there's no "fine" with them, they're miserable and unhealthy.

[@ReleaseMyKrakken]

Guarantee there are plenty of gat guys that'd give her a chance. But something tells me she's upset about skinny/fit guys rejecting her. I lost 70lbs. Ladies started giving me more attention. That's life. Accept it OR be patient and go for someone with a similar body type. They're out there.

[@raulserrano3670]

Fat , short , or just not conventionally attractive . I agree , I find it hard to believe that no one finds her attractive enough to date . Honestly I think she’s reasonably attractive.

[@scary5455]

If she was a male saying all this, he'd be told: You're negative attitude is pushing them away Lose weight Go for someone in your league Stop chasing people out your league Lower your standards

[@spikeboy101]

Lost 60, girls found me more attractive too. Realized most women are worthless bc they only want you when you're up. Never go for that. You'll be betrayed if u gain back weight, lose a job, lose whatever

[@NebulaSon]

​@@scary5455So true!

[@RabbyRabbithole]

that's what I thought immediately. I'm possitive if she steps foot in a place where there's good wholesome dudes playing MTG she'll find 10 men interested in her. But none of them look like tiktok models so she's not gonna give them the time of day.

[@IVibratorz]

As someone who went from going girl to girl all through High School until i was around 22, then spending 22-30 absolutely alone, i think she doesnt realize she is her own worst enemy. Her weight plays a role, but is not the discerning factor. The biggest problem is whenever people start to think to themselves they aren't worth anyones love, its a self loathing feeling that all the people around you somehow are able to sense, and want nothing to do with. I gave up my self pitying ideas, changed how i live, not even majorily mind you, i didnt get into crazy shape or suddenly become an ultra successful individual, i just started to actually see myself as worth something. Within 2 months, my newly found self love was reciprocated by the best woman ive ever met. Now ive been happily in a relationship, maybe she saw the potential in me, or maybe she just saw that i believed in the potential in myself, but whatever it was, it would have never happened if i had continued to be self pitying about the fact i was alone, the best things come to you when you look inside of yourself, instead of looking to others for it.

[@marshallosantos9035]

Her weight isn’t an issue honestly. I like bigger white girls. They have been nothing but sweet to me. Getting around the racist parents is a challenge though.😂

[@Steven-hq3go]

Repent of your sins and believe in Jesus Christ as saviour

[@Phantom-kc9ly]

Nobody is a psychic.

[@Joe-fj6dj]

I had exact thoughts about a friend who I met in college, we're vibing talking about similar interests. But then like I don't know what happened, but she went on self pity rant about how she has no friends, no hobbies besides playing mobile games on her phone, and all she does is interact with strangers through discord. but is she doing anything to change that? No, I've been in that path before when I young and lost. I didn't want to be an asshole, but I felt like I had to cut her out of my life because I've been there and I only can do so much it's up to the person if they want to change.

[@bro918]

@@Joe-fj6dj 'i can fix her'

[@satisfiedskullservant]

I'd give her the same advice I'd give a man in her situation. Get a haircut, wash your hair, take care of your skin and hit the gym. Give it 6-12 months of consistent effort and you'll be fine. That's self love right there, not all these hollow words and thoughts. Take the time to take care of yourself.

[@KatieBeeLee]

BS. You can look as good as a supermodel and there are still plenty of guys treating you like this.

[@rustyhowe3907]

@@KatieBeeLee THIS! I'm no super model but well cared for and I STILL get the "I could go for a 7 over you who's a 4" mentality.

[@jamiekelly759]

​@@KatieBeeLeethere's plenty of women treating men like shit there's plenty of men treating women like shit it is what it is. You know what's not going to make it better? Being in a state physically and mentally where you repulse even genuinely kind people who would give you a chance

[@KatieBeeLee]

lol trust me, I go below my league lmao and that still don't work. I know it's me - so I'll just accept it lol @@Wandering_nomad_forever-xl7uq

[@sjejsj7615]

⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠@@KatieBeeLeepeople with bad intentions will treat you horribly regardless of your looks. The point is to be your best self so you can have more people into you

[@Nosh5]

Im 100% with Aba on taking care of your body as a discipline. I love me some big girls, but after dating a few, you really see the struggles of being plus size. Weight lost is more than just anesthetics. There is an assumed mentality about people who are healthy. Losing weight is hard, tiring, and tale commitment.

[@joseph1150]

It's the hardest and easiest thing to do. Hard in it takes commitment and discipline. Easy as in there isnt much to it other than being on a caloric deficit while still keeping your vitamins balanced.

[@Nosh5]

@joseph1150 Bro im doing 100 push up everyday 6 times a week...it so hard 😆.

[@YuhasLol]

@@Nosh5 Focus on dieting over exercise. I lost 70lbs with little exercise whatsoever. It's easier to simply not eat 300 calories than it is to burn 300 calories.

[@joseph1150]

@@Nosh5 Yeah, but 100 pushups a day isn't something people who are grossly overweight start out on, and it's not needed for weight loss or general fitness either. Are you going for the One Punch Man workout? The 100 pushups, 100 situps, 100 squats, 10km run?

[@music4laur]

@@Nosh5uhhh cardio is way better for weight loss than push ups. and also what that other guy said. diet is very important

[@justchill8175]

Naw I can tell you when I dropped all my extra weight, I changed alot as a person and in a GOOD way. I became more active, more willing to go out and do things, and I have more confidence in myself which in return has actually humbled me alot. I am able to accept when I might be wrong in a situation or accept that maybe I can do better. Im not bitter towards other people, I have built on the relationships I have with the people in my life and I just feel so much better overall. When you change physically in a drastic way, you are most certainly going to change mentally as well. This girl just does not realize it yet and I hope she gets to a point in life where she does.

[@supremefatness4085]

Hell yeah

[@Ruth-zu1xl]

I know people joke a lot about daddy issues these days, but I do think it’s a really serious thing and I keep seeing how it affects people. For me as a young woman it really was life changing when I made the connection of how being loved by my father has helped me throughout my life. Knowing that I was valued and loved without any expectations, just for being me (like this girl said, being loved for who you are instead of what you provide), it did so much to my sense of self and how I view the world. I meet men and I expect them to be loving, and even if they are not then that’s fine - I don’t need this particular man to love me, because I am fully secure in that someone else already does. It’s just nice to find even more people to love. The thing Preach said about the people you “attract” versus the people you actually let in and entertain was spot on, and those tendencies are very dependent on your own psyche and your own choices. For me personally the thing is that my dad wasn’t always a good dad. He was an alcoholic for many years, but when I was a teen he made the conscious decision to change - to stop drinking and rebuild his relationship with us kids. And we kids in turn had to decide to to forgive him and to learn how to trust him. It was a joint effort and it took years, but through that process we learnt a lot about ourselves, each other, and about love. I’m 22 now and I’ve never had a boyfriend and am not particularly interested in one right now so I can’t relate to that part of the video, but I do have so many male friends who are so loving to me, and that’s both because I’ve been fortunate enough to meet them but also because both I and they put in the work to build our relationships, and to not take one another for granted. I feel so sad for this woman hearing her explain how she’s never had that, but also sad for her knowing she won’t have it in the future either without introspection and hard work. And if she really never has been loved even by her own family, then I’d say that is a great place to start. It’s scary to be the one to initiate it, but it’s worth it. Some of my brothers I didn’t have good relationships with until I sat them down and we talked about how much we’d hurt one another, but then we could start trusting each other and appreciating the good things instead. Relationships take hard work no matter what form they are in, but they really are so important. Women need men, and men need women. People need people. And most people aren’t hopeless, as long as you’re willing to put in the effort

[@ifonlyicared]

I knew when I was a teen my "daddy issues" would mess me up in my future. My parents were married but my father just worked to provide. There was no "father daughter" relationship. He was just there to provide. I used to beg him to get to know me, spend time with me, etc. In my 20s I searched high and low for a man to "love" me, but I didn't know what real love was. I just wanted attention and the "attention" almost ruined me. I envied the loving and supportive environment that others had. My older coworkers talked about their kids with such love. I wanted that. I wanted to do my whole childhood over, but that is not possible. Through the years I had to be realistic and honest with myself, I'm too broken to have the unconditional family love and a romantic partner. I go through waves of "confident black woman-- hear me roar blah blah blah" and then the moments of "I want love and to be held". But as I get older, I smile more and I genuinely appreciate others experiencing love. I'm enjoying the wonders of this world, the beauty in nature, and the different cultures out there. I do understand what this girl was saying and felt her pain. I hope the loneliness doesn't consume her to a point of no return.

[@drek9k2]

I feel particularly bad about women especially in this country because they do not realize how much the boomers are literally DESTROYING them, and gaslighting them with so much shit, that by the time most of these women even begin healing from their traumas and bad advice it's going to be way too late. Like for me as a guy in my 30s I'm basically psychologically starting over. I've had to overboard a looot of different things, including all the less than stellar people I'd been keeping in my life partly as result of addictions. But in the end, I mean. Yeah. Yeah....and it is really sad for me to realize these last few years that, even now, to this day, I kind of seek a woman to abuse me and neglect me, because I wasn't taught how to love properly as a child, and so all my relationships are just completely fucked up and vodka soaked and I don't evne know what to do if I'm being honest with my self, but I CAN still change--because I am a man. And I can still finish fixing everything wrong with myself and my life to be a good enough husband candidate by age 40 if I just keep spending those 5-10 years really working on it, and there's part of the rub, is that for most of these obese, psychologically damaged women they are looking down the barrel at minimum of 5 years of hard concerted effort to change everything about their life and save themselves, and, as selfish boomer women contrarily lie to them about, they *do not have that time to waste.* Like you are simply not in a position as a 28 year old woman to blow through any more time. As a young girl, you can only fuck off til pretty much the age of 27 at tops, by then you better be working on a consistent plan, because if you don't, if you act like me, especialyl if you have ANYTHING ever going wrong in your life like some kind of health problems that throws your schedule off of course, you can miss out on all of life. Nobody is ever going to marry you who you want to marry if you are an obese woman or over the age of 40. That's just the fact. And you might find someone who's gonna use you and abuse you, you can find bad sex, but you can't find that fatherly sort of love and it makes me sad for those of them that haven't gotten it through yet and usually they are also struggling with numerous other addictions and psychological problems at the same time that will take many years to unravel. I as a man have a second chance that I didn't ever deserve and I completely recognize this fact. My female cousins will not. You are still in deep deep DEEP shit as a man that doesn't have a career a house and savings and a decent car by age 40 with wife and kids, sure, but it's at least theoretically able to be salvaged if you can get a career and truly work on rebuilding yourself, that realistically no woman who's waited til late thirties is going to have. And a shit ton of these young women are totally wasting their 20s like I did. It's crazy to me too thinking about the women that "just wanted to explore" and believed the lies of society, liek for me I wanted to settle down and raise a family, albeit in a dysfunctional way, in my early 20s; most of the women I knew did not. They mainly wanted careers or to go traveling or, most frequently, to fuck around with lots of men. I am surprised and happy for the many that did in fact find husbands in grad school and undergrad, but anyone who's listening to boomers and not their own biological drive is going to miss out on happiness. It just sucks because speaking from experience, when you have not just bad or absent role models, but ALSO an active ongoing addiction you tend to push off all maturity and psychological healing for possibly decades, which so far as I have ever seen it's near universally people begin only to heal in their late 20s and therefore for the women they don't even begin to become housewives until like 27 onward, which is really pushing the edge if you hit 30 and still got no husband. The problem is that, with an addiction, you stay in this state of childish self absorbption and arrested development to where you don't even recognize the need for change and often end up defaulting your own bad upbringing without being able to identify or change that. I will lastly say though, that the whole discussion on "bad boys" is beyond retarded, and doesn't ask "are these men just not into YOU? Are you chasing not a man that's emotionally unavailable, he's unavailble to YOU emotionally? Are you chasing this man who is himself damaged and you are trying to exploit him for fun, and then lying to yourself he's a the asshole when you are looking for a disposable good time?" The thing that make these men suck isn't that they don't care or are sociopaths or a bad seed or whatever, it's that they are fundamentally broken as people the same way hookers are, it's not that these strippers are bad human beings, it's that they've got a ton of damage that makes them hard to deal with, and in turn attract users to them, and yes badboys attract user and abuser women too.

[@sebaschan-uwu]

I already want to marry you just from reading this

[@rookie8052]

I had a friend that was fat and constantly going after guys that were fit, 10/10. I tried to set her up with a friend that was a bigger guy that was super sweet and thought they’d get along great, lots of similar interests and sense of humor etc…. But she just wasn’t attracted to him. Thing is, he was cute! I really don’t know what it was other than he was fat. He owned a house, co owned a successful business, like literally this guy was the whole package, family sized, great value. Kinda boggles my mind how livid she would be by the same logic applied to her.

[@stevenswitzer5154]

Im 175lbs. My wife is 320. Fat is not her problem

[@rookie8052]

@@stevenswitzer5154agreed. Unfortunately that fact eventually ended the friendship, just couldn’t possibly agree with her anymore. Same person who was very upset when a doctor suggested losing weight to combat knee and back pain… I know doctors not taking fat people seriously is a really issue, but that seemed like a pretty logical conclusion to me 👀

[@foxracer1703]

I like how you said family sized, great value. People need to stop projecting. How about being honest with yourself if no one cares enough to tell you, or you don't listen to anyone. Even if she tried to change anything about herself, people find that admirable. Cut the shit, stop being hypocrites!

[@rookie8052]

@@Joe-fj6dj because I’m in a relationship, our hobbies and interests didn’t really align, and he’s a good 15 years older than me so I wouldn’t really consider him like that anyway. What’s your problem? Pretty passive aggressive 😬👀

[@azas680]

​@@rookie8052then is your friend also ~15 years older than you and possibly shares hobbies and interests with this nice guy or did you assume she didn't want him just because he was overweight? What other people find attractive differs yet you believed your friend to be a simple hypocrit without even actully knowing her reasoning. That's a strange opinion to have of a friend but maybe she is just like you paint her

[@ghoulbby]

Self-love is treating yourself as you would a best friend you really cared about. Instead, the modern "self-love" trend is just treating yourself as you're the only person who matters. Two very separate things. **After finishing the video, I think she may need to work on her bitterness. Sure, she could lose weight, but a lot of guys don't mind that and she's pretty so... must be the personality. Things like talking shit about "skinny girls".

[@sababaratashvili8629]

Especially when most liekly she still gets more chances and have more people trying to hit her up than many average or even above average looking men out there...

[@mrmr4622]

I was gonna say, she looks pretty idk

[@Chuck_EL]

​​​@@mrmr4622 She looks like my ex , I honestly thought it was her until I saw her age and where she's from And you're right she's very attractive and has a very attractive soft voice She needs to work on the bitterness and change her comfort zone in terms of who she's going after dating wise and learn to know her worth

[@GregXHunterz]

The latter version of self-love sounds a lot like narcissism. I resonate with the former version which is to treat yourself like you would a best friend.

[@eavye95]

I agree, she is pretty, but coming from someone who has been through it, even fortunate enough to have a pretty face, she is bitter because she's bigger and is unhappy with herself. Even bigger people that say they love their body are bitter, they just have a better way of hiding it. When I out of nowhere gained a lot of weight due to untreated PCOS, I became so cynical about anything and everything. As well as depressed. If she just made small changes here and there with her weight to where she could see a difference when she looked in the mirror, it would do so much for her mentally and to truly value herself, which will then attract someone who also values her.

[@bailey7792]

Used to have an extremely overweight best friend. I asked her if she would date a guy her size.. and her answer was no. It made me look at her like 🧐🤨?? She then said she wants someone hot, and they should accept her for how she was before she lost weight. So that way she knew they really loved her no matter what. All with a straight damn face, being completely serious. There's a reason we are not friends anymore.. the delulu was becoming too much in a lot of aspects of our friendship. She was told by a doctor that she may have a possible brain tumor (turns out it was a cyst) and nothing serious. However over a month of waiting for results thinking she might have brain cancer.. after she found out it wasnt serious, kept living the way she was with zero attemps to change her eating habits. I couldn't with her anymore, and I wasn't about to sit around and watch her die. This girl is waaayyy too bitter. I guarantee if she lost weight, her confidence and attitude would improve and she would be less of a bitter, insecure nightmare to be around. Nobody wants to spend all their time around a self righteous, right fighter.. it's exhausting

[@xbabu142x]

I always wondered how either gender would picture one of these relationships working out, unless the whole goal was to work out to look good for the relationship? Most of the people I know who are in shape and manage to stay that way is from hobbies and lifestyle. Are they planning on just not spending any time together? One partner changes all their hobbies for the other?

[@haileyquinnzel]

When I was skinny, no guys liked me, and my fat friends got way more attention & respect & love. Size isn’t everything.

[@benja303]

People like your ex friend blow my mind. The lack of self awareness low key scares me a bit

[@reggiestockton8166]

Its important to check people for their delusions which I feel is whats wrong with society nowadays. A man couldn't get away with being so delusional. Imagine being a short, skinny and poor man and demanding that you deserve a supermodel with a big booty? Everyone will laugh at him and he'll have no girls interested in him. But when a girl says delusional shit everybody puts up with it for some reason. If you ask Lizzo right now to rate herself she'd say she was a 10/10😂 and nobody would tell her to shut up. If I said I'm a 10/10 people would think I'm a delusional simpleton 😂

[@cloudyboy1756]

I don’t think you can call her bitter from this video,she just seemed tired, frustrated, like she just got lied too and from the video I’d say it’s safe to bet this isn’t her usual temperament so to think she’s just some bitter person and not exhausted from life like everyone gets sometimes seems like a disingenuous interpretation. Also you had an overweight friend and she thought she had brain cancer and you’re mad she didn’t decide weight loss is the answer? Lol your a weirdo

[@balthorpayne]

I remember not getting any girls/women in my younger years. It basically by my 20s made me turn inward and find ways to make myself happy. Thing is, I still went to self-improve and whatnot as personal goals. Eventually it was less me chasing and more women opening up to me and after learning more about them, I knew when it was a layup and when it was a brick. Eventually I found my girl and we been together half a decade. If someone can't get a partner, the best thing to do is use some introspection and find out if you are attracting the wrong people or nothing at all and find out what needs to change about you. As a person who was told "be myself" it was the worst advice ever. Myself used to have bad breath and approached women with super confidence but absolutely no nuance. I got better for me and fell into situations over time. It may not be easy for women because life doesn't constantly try to beat you into chasing, but absolutely going after goals (part of it is improving mind and body) is how you find yourselves in better situations. I eventually became what I would want in a partner in terms of values and ethics.

[@brownketch]

maybe be your best self is better advice

[@thenonameguy7756]

Dude god bless u

[@Karynwashere]

This video brought us so much for me. Add her experience and being a black Ellen. Surrounded by your non black women friends and seeing their contrasting experience. If you have never felt invisible to the extent she explains. Count yourself very fortunate. Her video speaks to a silent majority who are literally ignored for love,

[@MK-hw2ir]

Nowtry andbe a 5’4 dude, a new world will open up to you

[@TiktokBro154]

Womp womp I bet you wouldn't look in the direction of a guy who is under 6ft

[@keyboardking8008]

You have to take care of yourself as a woman , ain't no going around that

[@Karynwashere]

Those obese guys aren’t checking for her either. You tell yourself that as if you’re a victim, and believe this narrative so you can be mad at woman. You control your reality by what you think. If that’s how your feel about yourself, you can always change that and be the best version of yourself instead of waiting for a woman to validate you.

[@twigsno]

​@@MK-hw2irwhy are manlets so whiny. Ppl don't dislike you bc of your height. Its because of your complex about it 💀

[@Jankyito]

i don't know why people want to act like they are just a floating soul. YOUR BODY IS YOU. The way you look is you. You cant have a person without a body, even blind people have strong preferences for peoples voices and the way their bodies feel. You cant replace the way it feels to have someone you're attracted to vs someone you're not. It doesn't matter how close I am to my best friend nor how much I love his personality, he could never replace what it feels like to be with a woman I'm attracted to. When people try to say that personality is all that matters, its because they got nothing else. Its easier to deny a part of you than at least try to improve.

[@Flesh_Wizard]

I've always seen it similar to that. Your body is a fleshy machine, and like any machine, it requires upkeep

[@sharonbalbina825]

Just offering a different perspective. Things like severe trauma or autism can make you feel disconnected from your body. It makes it hard to feel (or place) your body's needs, including not knowing when you're hungry or full or even confusing other things like thirst or anxiety for hunger. There are even therapist that dedicate their time to helping people get back in touch with their body.

[@ashlyforever5025]

My cousin is blind and has an amazing sense of smell. She often comments that she can tell someone is heavier by their smell alone, without touching them. She is turned off by them and SHE IS BLIND lmao

[@icu3869]

Many who insist personality is what matters don’t even have THAT . Having a negative attitude, being clueless, humorless, temperamental etc. lower appeal a LOT. If you want others to focus on the “whole package“ make sure it’s the best version of you there is.

[@Noble-e5z]

@@sharonbalbina825cope even if you are “disconnected” everyone knows what they show be doing eat healthy work out prioritizing your mental health is important to avoid drugs/alcohol most people know what they need to do for the life they want the problem is most people refuse to do that

[@snickermarstwixamv9722]

"I'm ugly" that dude found love and didn't let toxic people enter his life anymore.

[@InDeathWeLove]

She has already left him.

[@Ghostlynotme445]

Is it that Never give up channel?

[@snickermarstwixamv9722]

@@Ghostlynotme445 yup

[@Ghostlynotme445]

@@snickermarstwixamv9722 I thought he got married now she left him that fast?

[@Lordamraphel]

@@InDeathWeLove 🤣

[@AndresGomez-ct7qb]

I used to think similarly to this woman in my mid 20s. Genuinely thought I attracted problematic women just cause. And, Preach is right saying it's about who you let it, that's true. But there's something beyond that, and it's about trying to figure out what types of women you fit with. Not the women you're most attracted to, no the one's you have wild trips and adventures with on the weekend, not even the ones with chemistry in bed, but the ones you actually fit together with on a personality level and where you coexist in true peace. Problem is, that requires you to throw away the fantasies you had about the women you wanted as a teen. Same way at a certain point you have to stop deluding yourself thinking you'll be a professional athlete when you just not good enough. Or even when professionally you ignore what you're good at because you're fixated on a certain path you want to take. Hope I managed to articulate myself somewhat.

[@logicoveremotionspodcastre453]

Spot on family 👏🏾

[@JukeBoxHead]

I feel for this woman. It's hard being big and having people not able to look past that. Especially if you've been big your whole life. Changing anything about yourself is hard. Probably one of the hardest things someone can do. I wish her the best.

[@CEWIII9873]

Life is hard. What is your point?

[@keyboardwarrior1350]

I suppose the point is: "Life is hard. But it is for everyone, so don't feel alone in your struggle."

[@CEWIII9873]

@@keyboardwarrior1350 agreed, but that does NOT mean we go around moaning about it. Hanging on in quiet desperation...

[@asadhafeez7713]

I bet it's difficult being a big fat man too. The difference? Women pretend not to care about looks.

[@amorizz5579]

If she pursued guys that were physically compatible or guys that actually liked bigger girls, she might have a little more success. Also, it could be that she has an awkward personality that turns off the guys who like her body type. Whatever the situation, I am almost 100% sure it's not just because she is overweight. There are literally women who are twice her size that have husbands and multiple ex boyfriends...there are also plenty of thin women who think they can't find a man.

[@MrMan-fx3ow]

Nobody actually likes fat girls though. No mentally healthy straight man has ever in the history of human existence on earth saw a girl and thought, “I’m so much more attracted to her because she’s obese.” Only time a guy will engage a fat girl is when he can’t do any better and has very few options. And no, I’m not talking about regular women who could stand to lose 15-20 lbs, that’s normal. I’m talking about the girls that eat cake and ice cream in the bed and spend more time making excuses than they do meal prepping

[@erikaarnold4780]

Maaan, I could glow that girl up in 24 hours….Wash the hair, solidify her style…pretty face, nice skin, pretty eyes…she is a good canvas. Her body language says “I quit…” , though. She is wrong…my big girls be pullin’ em! She needs some good girlfriends in her life to be honest with her AND supportive. Losing the weight should be for HER.

[@MrMan-fx3ow]

@@erikaarnold4780 no, you couldn’t. She big as hell. Guys sleep with fat girls whenever things get slow for them, but they don’t really be liking them for real. You need to come back to down to reality

[@Returntonature145]

​​@@erikaarnold4780She would never be pretty without surgery. She is sub5. At best she can be normie

[@brianal7143]

A lot of times heavyset women are uncomfortable to be around because there's self-loathing and they can't hide it. They tend to make fat jokes about themselves and it's awkward. As in, I'm not laughing at you but you're laughing at yourself. They tend to mention their weight before you even think about it. Wishing her the best.

[@Brby1]

As someone who lost 30 kg (66 lbs) through 2019., I felt MUCH better. The person I was in the beginning of the year was much different than the person that came out. Personality wise I felt more confident, I smiled more, I was more communicative. Looks wise I looked better and people noticed it, I had a larger options of clothes to wear. Physicality wise I could run for 45 minutes without stopping, I could do and compete in push up contests with friends, I could play football. Everything about me changed, so you can't say you would be the same person, just with different weight.

[@Leunenkoenig]

Hol' up, I wasn't going to do the math, but 30 kg is 66 lbs? So her losing 150 lbs is about what? 70 Kg? That's WILD. She has to weight north of 120 kg, which is a bona fide whale.

[@ciroweinstein8627]

okay but how did you loose 30kg?

[@dezia398]

@@ciroweinstein8627 I've lost the most weight on raw foods as my diet with intermittent fasting and a calorie deficit. You can get your deficit number by figuring out your resting metabolic rate using a BMR calculator, but for most people their deficit will be between 900 - 1,300 calories a day.

[@prodsage2719]

​@@ciroweinstein8627lots of cardio ofc

[@tzoanast1061]

Yeah but...thats because those things mattered to you. Personally I couldnt care less about wether I can run for 20 or 45 mins non stop. If I can compete in pushups or any of the other stuff. As someone who did lose a lot of weight, I feel nothing has changed. The only thing that changed is people see me, they go "Hey you lost weight, good for you" and I go "I guess". Am I healthier? Sure. Do I care about it so much that it made me a different person? No.

[@j.c.ulater]

That job interview analogy was spot on, u get different results based on how u present yourself if u want someone to be something in your life u have be something that they want in their life...🤷🏾‍♂️ A lot of ppl just think they deserve something cuz they are them

[@UntamedMelissa]

What's crazy is I've been super skinny and the dudes I dated became super insecure and lead to breaking up. Then, now being bigger and still feel like the same person and dudes assume I'm insecure and don't give me the time of day. Weight is weird and how people approach it is different. When I was super skinny I was the most unhealthy and now sober, don't smoke, and eat healthy I've gain a lot of weight. That's how my body responded to the years of abuse I did to myself to be skinny. You can not judge a person's journey by what they look like.

[@UntamedMelissa]

​@UncleTom854-bm5lv what does that have anything to do with my comment? Why would I swipe right for everyone when profiles clearly state preferences I would not be aligned with. My comment was stating you can't tell by physical appearance if some one has insecurities.

[@UntamedMelissa]

​@@UncleTom854-bm5lv reading for common interests is not judging looks but ok 👍

[@srose7366]

We can judge, absolutely. Just because you know things are different people shouldn't assume the worst or best. Our eyes decide first then our mind, that's biology.

[@UntamedMelissa]

​@srose7366 yes you are right we were conditioned that way. A persons energy is a lot more noticeable than looks. Our eyes are only one of many senses. To rely only on one explains why we have relationship issues. I was just stating a persons looks doesn't always reflect the journey you think they are on. I was also giving examples of how assumptions people had of me didnt match who I really was at those moments in my life. Life is awesome and lots of cool opportunities come but I had to let go of people unwilling to see all of who I am and keep moving along in this amazing life.

[@Amatullah7007]

I'm so glad your healthy 😊

[@ChaoticSorceror]

What she said about getting the leftovers of connection from people who have romantic partners hits hard for me. Growing up without a lot of romantic connections I really felt like I was getting table scraps of what a lot of people around me had leftover after they got what they needed connection-wise from their partners. Self love is important but people really underestimate what a real good romantic relationship can do for a person.

[@sshreddderr9409]

self love is just socially acceptable cope or narcissism, depending on who uses the term. the truth is, self worth is always proportional to your utility to others. sure it people might find different things useful, but in the end, it is all about usefulness to others, and anything else is a lie. the people who have the healthiest self image are the ones who grew up always being made to feel appreciated without being spoiled, and have no concept of insecurity because they always had a family who had their back. the unhealthiest self image is seen in people who have a broken family background that always involves some type of rejection by family.

[@DonVigaDeFierro]

Don't get me wrong. I agree with your statement. The problem I see is that people fear solitude so much that they would rather "settle for less" than see the benefits of being alone. Once you're comfortable being on your own, you can approach a romantic relationship from a place of "WANT" and not from a place of "NEED". Men and women simply don't feel attracted to needy people.

[@annemarie3811]

@saitama3795 Dude. If he implied it, I’ll say it directly. I’m attractive and well off. “Worthy” of being desired and that happens for sure. Can I find and keep a good relationship? Hell no, because I’m a mess. That’s an extremely common combo tbh. Desiring a person just means you want to take or have something from them. Nothing to do with an actual supportive relationship.

[@drek9k2]

@@DonVigaDeFierro I frankly don't have sympathy for people that look at others materialistically like some sort of fucking upgrade like buying a better handbag, the same way these people go shopping for a religion not "oh this is the ultimate truth" but more "oh does this belief system really suit me and my lifestyle." It is so completely ass backwards and YES, if you are looking at ANYONE like "settling" the truth of the matter is you shouldn't be in a relationship to begin with--because that indicates you are looking for another to fill your needs and give you something, as opposed to building a healthy connection and a life together. That is something so fundamentally different I don't even think a lot of people recognize it anymore, and it's one of the biggest reasons the frankly nicest gf I had, I broke up with her for good after 2 years, because while she was sweet and loving it really was in the end I think about her filling a hole in herself, getting some need met, that the biggest reason I broke up was thinking about the way she kept acting like my previous gf was "better" than her. Just the use of the word, better, it's like, no it was right, it felt right, you can't force a thing to feel right and to me the relationship between us felt wrong from start to finish, similar to how I knew my last gf was done for good when it felt wrong the last time I was with her in that way. It is feeling right and wrong, not "better than" and similarly anybody who's looking a tthings in terms of "better" WILL try and leave you when they, rightly or wrongly, think that they can find someone else better too. It's strictly a binary, yes and no, right or wrong answer, and if you don't feel "right" with me I don't really even want you. Because it should just feel right for both of us. If you're sitting there worrying about how I look or what features I have like some product and writing up a list between me and other men comparing it like some choice, the correct answer is in fact none of these men. Because the right man you shouldn't even need to compare or write a list about him. And that's also why some women are so fundamentally broken they are unable to be dated at all, is becuase they got ran through so bad it's now just about a shopping trip for them comparing different products, and none of these men are ever going to have every last feature, so she's always going to cheat and be unhappy. I repeat--anyone, who thinks about something as "settling" or "better than" is not fit to be in a romantic relationship. You'll know it instantly when you meet someone you should be in a relationship with, and it's often the case men are told to have sex and women are told to have bfs and all that jazz to where people wantonly use women and men as mere playthings and status symbols when they didn't even want the person at all, and didn't have the balls to just tell them no in the first place and put their foot down to keep not just the person out of their life, but keep themselves out from theirs and therefore not wasting each other's time when at least one of you already *knew* from the start. It's the mark of stunning, teenage-like immaturity to keep trying and forcing a thing to become "right" when the other person has made it clear they're just not that into you and don't feel right. That might work as a literal child being married off at age 12, but if you're not in arranged marriage as a child, fact is nothing will ever be made right. You will fail. You two are going to break up and you're selfishly wasting their time when they should be looking for the one.

[@ItsDaJax]

​@@DonVigaDeFierroThere's truth to that. Some people, however get tired of being alone, especially when it's not by choice. I have a feeling she's alone by choice and circumstance, so can deal with it, unlike some, who just can't do it and turn into needy and clingy people. Being alone is easier when you know there can be somebody there.

[@nomadman5288]

Here's something for people to think about: Almost everyone has gotten interest from another person that they weren't interested in, so it doesn't make sense to make a fuss about others not being interested in you. I remember when this truth dawned on me back in my early 20s and it totally changed the way I thought about romantic or sexual relationships. Is it still frustrating if feelings aren't returned? Sure. However, because you have the proper perspective on the subject, you learn to accept it and move on without getting as caught up in your emotions. You don't take it personally anymore. Even the part about "the app shoving self love down our throats" ultimately comes down to a choice to engage with that content or not. You choose what videos to watch and are offered other videos like those you watch. You choose which offers you accept and which you decline. As far as self-worth goes, it seems like many people aren't fully understanding the term. If it's SELF-worth, then external factors have nothing to do with it. What other say or do doesn't impact your concept of self and of your self worth... unless you internalize it. If someone calls you a loser, you are being offered a concept to either accept or decline, just like the content from the interenet. It only impacts you internally if you accept it as valid and it will impact you in direct proportion to the value you give it. Hope this helps someone out there...

[@O.Oxximsly]

There was a kid in a toxic household, the parents always screaming at each other and fighting all the time. The kid didn't participate, the kid is like a shadow in the corner and watching everything. Do you think the kid will turn alright? We are human, choosing an emotion and reaction are not a feat that everyone can have

[@DTreatz]

this only applies 80/20 female to male mate 💊 *#Biology*

[@brooklynforever1990]

💯🎯

[@nomadman5288]

@@O.Oxximsly I'm not referring to children that haven't had the opportunity to grow and learn yet. That should be common sense. Once they're older, it applies to them too.

[@nomadman5288]

@@DTreatz Throughout history, about 40% of men procreate, but that doesn't mean that others didn't have interest shown or didn't engage in sex. However, I believe you're referring to the number that keeps being thrown around in the "manosphere," and while some information there can be useful, they talk a lot of nonsense too. It's only natural for everybody to want the best possible mate or partner; however, men that are highly valued aren't going to get with the women they're not interested in, and those women will have to adjust their strategy, just like the men that don't get the women they initially desired. Understanding where you fall and adapting is part of life in general, and the dating/mating game is no exception. Average guys end up with average women most of the time. That's the reality. You're probably not going to be a woman's first choice, but guess what? She's probably not yours either, if you're honest about it. Be careful where you get your information and from whom you take advice because they might not have the right intentions or have good information as a whole. They could be coming from a negative place, selling you an outlook based on their own biased perceptions and conclusions. The "pillers" and "manospherites" leave a lot out because they're mostly selling doom and gloom, "women ain't shit, get money," and selling their "services." Every time you listen to those people, you're taking on more and more of their baggage and feeding your already existing negative biases (a natural human bias that helped us survive up to this point). It's good to be aware, but it's bad to adopt an outlook from others rather than living your own life and coming to your own conclusions while being aware of your likely flawed conclusions in many cases. I don't know how old you are, but if you're on the younger side, younger than 30, you've got so much to live through and learn. If you're around 20, you haven't even begun. I wish you the best.

[@jimmyjams962]

It's sad because she simultaneously sees through the lies that social media perpetuates while also falling victim to them. Physical attraction is inextricably linked with our perception of beauty, and physical fitness is currently more desirable than obesity. Instead of acknowledging this reality and adjusting to it - as she did with the 'self-love fallacy' - she instead avoided responsibility and put the blame on society for not valuing her body type, which is a commonly perpetuated theme on social media. In the end, her brief moment of lucidity was borne of an all-too-common misconception that society *_owes_* you its romantic ideations, and that you *_deserve_* its attention irrespective of whether or not you actually offer anything of value to society itself.

[@Ryan-cb1ei]

Physical fitness has always been attractive and always will be. We just didn’t have the luxury throughout most of human history for most to achieve that. Even now, it’s still a struggle because we have too much access to food (too much junk food).

[@x-mess]

She wants to be loved while not providing anything to a man… not realizing that a relationship is an exchange..

[@Justanothercog24]

​@@x-mess​I didn't take it that way at all. You can provide all kinds of things that have ZERO to do with looks. She said "women provide social currency & status to men". She's not exactly wrong there. A lot of guys want the "trophy chicks" not just to have someone they're attracted to, but also to impress other men. There's a ton of things in life that have the underlying element of "popularity contest" naturally baked in.

[@jimmyjams962]

@@Ryan-cb1ei I 100% agree. It's just that whenever I use "always" instead of "currently", someone always brings up the various periods in our history where having an obese partner was the goal. The point that those people are missing is that obesity wasn't desired because it was seen as "beautiful", it was only sought after because being overweight was a sign that you had steady access to food and resources. Essentially, "Fat = Rich". But a lot of people (specifically "body-positive movements") have used this misconstrued reality as 'evidence' that fat was at one time considered to be beautiful, and I just wanted to avoid that whole debate with my comment.

[@jimmyjams962]

@@Justanothercog24 I don't disagree, but I also don't think that this only flows in one direction. Women also seek superficial traits in men (e.g. height) because it will reflect positively on them. There's a lot of research and evidence on female hypergamy and the social phenomenon of women refusing to "date down" for this very reason. I think the issue is that this girl (and other women) will berate men for seeking that social currency and status from their partner without acknowledging that they do the same thing.

[@centerfield6339]

For a second I thought Pearl had really let herself go.

[@oe8654]

She’s actually a naturally beautiful girl, in my opinion. If she just lost the weight for herself, I guarantee more of the men she’s attracted to would find her attractive as well.

[@hutao.h1258]

Totally agree ,she has beautiful facial features

[@danp2596]

I wouldn't say that at all. She's not naturally beautiful, she's a little below average looking. Lose the weight and she will be a normal looking girl, which is completely fine by the way.

[@Chuck_EL]

Right her weight isn't an issue at all and there's many men who prefer her look, a redhead with blue eyes and is chubby (I'm one of them men that do) And I assume she's the type that focuses so much on men who don't value her over men who do I've seen the same thing with incels and mgtow dudes She needs to focus on a man who likes her for her and not guys who rebound date her (she mentioned that and how it made her happy which is another issue )

[@RandoWisLuL]

id totally go out with her if she was in a better mental state

[@JoshuaKimbrough]

​@@Chuck_ELId smash too but she does need to lose a little. But nothing wrong with a BBW

[@graysenm1320]

As a former obese person i feel that i can add to the self love aspect of her issues. Im 6'1 and went from 340lbs to 225lbs (and still losing) and the best form of self love is treating your body with love. And self love doesnt mean eating anything and everything you want. It means taking care of your body in a way that maximizes your health and wellness. It becomes even more important if you desire a relationship. Being overweight is an billboard on your face that says "I dont take care of myself properly". Are you allowed to be over weight? Yes. Should you be bullied or made fun of for it? Id say no, but if you're not happy about being fat then fix that shit.

[@zzygyy]

Fantastic perseverance on losing the weight. 💪 😊

[@ktowniecity7269]

Good for you. I'm skinny and my worse fear is getting fat. I constantly have it in the back of my mind like going bald so i take measures to prevent baldness like finasteride, not over brushing my hair at the root, etc. There are many, many ways to improve your appearance especially if you work out, your face will completely change. I dont believe in anyone saying they are unattractive until they hit the gym hard and see the results. Too many ppl settle for excuses and dont have that drive because life is too comfortable these days. I see it with kids all the time that cant even play games fairly. An adult shoudl realize that adversity is a good thing and try to solve problems, not complain about them. Goals and accomplishments are great whether financial or physical. That is what makes life interesting. Being born perfect with millions of dollars would get boring! The challenge is the reward.

[@graysenm1320]

​@@ktowniecity7269Yeah I feel all of that. Something else I don't really understand are people who take pride in things they put ZERO effort towards/can't control. Even to this day I get more comments on being tall (not flexing) than on my weight loss. In my head I worked my ass off to lose this weight and didn't do anything to be tall. Like your money example, it's way cooler to climb and work your way up to being a millionaire. Being born with rich parents doesn't mean shit to me.

[@jb2760]

Congrats man. I’m on the same journey myself. 352 to 250 in a year and much more to go. We got this man! 2024 is our year!!

[@graysenm1320]

​@@jb2760 Hell yes let's get it!

[@NichelleSullivan]

This is why it is so important to build community to help you feel cared for and regulate emotions during your ups and downs. Also, you have to assess yourself and change if needed . When i lost weight and deliberately changed my hair, put on makeup and updated my clothes, i got treated differently and the men who approached me were different. I also went to therapy to work on myself as well.

[@xbabu142x]

Yep, addressing the root cause of why you were there is very important. I found with actually applying therapy to my life and understanding what I had to do in order to actually be introspective in a positive manner, it effected the type of person I was able to attract the most, compared to being in any kind of shape, or even financial status.

[@dustypirate28]

Only problem is that some communities have led to the issues she’s noting that do not help her situation. Sometimes community is a negative.

[@blackvenmo2273]

We got Jesus go to him u will feel that love u never had and so on and notice I said him not church nothing In this world go to the word ya self I'm telling u because I use to think the same at the end community is good if it focus on him but not if its cought in the world as well idk how to fully put in word but I grew up not feeling love or cared for and trauma as soon as I actually went to him and his word with no worldly middle man except Jesus in between u and God will feel this love and more

[@basswindu7116]

As someone who has lost 100lbs and my wife has lost 50lbs, when you feel better about yourself everything about you changes in a way. You’re still yourself, your body changes yes but you also value yourself more. You carry yourself with more confidence. You don’t walk around hating the world cause deep down you hate yourself cause of how you look and feel cause you’re overweight.

[@ToxicChaos115]

While I can sympathize with her struggle because I was once someone that felt the same, you can't sit still and expect to get far. I had many personality issues that affected my health, relationships and job opportunities. Once I put in the effort to see progress, progress came. I hope she finds peace and the drive to change. I could bet she wouldn't date someone unattractive to her, nor should she.

[@kanyasunhe]

Sometimes people are just a reflection of you. Its not even that you're attracting certain types of people its that they are responding to your behaviour. For example I have exes and I didn't love any of them. I can stand there and say all my exes are nasty but they were just responding to my coldness. I made them feel devalued. I was selfish and aloof and a bad communicator because I deep down didn't want the relationship to last. And I know I was the problem because the second I found a man I actually WANTED a relationship with and I acted accordingly it worked out and now I'm married.

[@malikhudson4128]

Honestly it’s painful dating someone like this, I did for three years and her insecurities ate away at her and the relationship. I tried my best to help her get out of that train of thought and also lose weight but it never stuck. Truly do hope the best for people like her.

[@inexpertxennial6067]

You said like part of the problem. She didn't need to lose weight and you even telling her one time was abuse coming from you.

[@Ireallycantthinkofahandle]

@@inexpertxennial6067iv been through what OP said at one point and no- we are not the problem. I had a GF and she gained a ton of weight and she always complained about it but she never really did anything to curb or lose weight. One time accused me of secretly resenting her for her weight gain. we were both not right for each other at the time. Now I think things would have been different as I matured but I just wish the best for her.

[@bigol9223]

​@@inexpertxennial6067 "trying to help your loved one live a healthier life is abuse"

[@youtubesucks3882]

@@inexpertxennial6067 womp womp cry about it

[@trianglesandsquares420]

That was nice of you, I hope others will benefit from relationships like that and maybe you helped her on her path too.

[@joshpointoh]

This is typical teen angst. She thinks she's discovered some deep truth, but she's left out a couple of very important details to come to these conclusions, and she lacks the life experience to understand. I learned that every time i had a "it's so obvious, how do people not see this" it turned out i wasn't smarter than every human before me, and it has been thought to death already, i just hadn't been exposed to it yet.

[@barbicud]

What’s worse is that I was one of those men who looked past her weight because I liked who she was and her weight didn’t concern me at all but it was all she could focus on. She was always worried what people would think like why is he with her etc… I tried to convince her otherwise. She was a much better person than me personality wise so what did an extra few pounds matter? Sadly it meant a lot to her and it didn’t work out.

[@sdbzfan1]

its usually a thing that bothers the person that ruins things for them more than others, the same way not every woman cares about a mans money not every man cares about weight but if it matters to that person then there's nothing you can do, insecurity is a bitch

[@jasonBGI]

You can't make unhappy people happy. Her weight was a symptom.

[@Pay-No-Mind]

Been there too bud, so much time between us interacting was me reassuring and comforting her until it got to the point I had to sit her down and say " Look, I'm with YOU, because I want to be with YOU, if I didn't? I wouldn't be here, and I know it's not as easy as listening to me and finally believing me when I say ' don't worry or overthink about it' but if it's still a major issue for you, come to the gym with me and work out with me! we can spend time together improving ourselves and you can take control of the situation." Which she initially was down for, came along but immediately the second it got hard she quit, then the paranoia & persecution complex ramped up to an absolute extreme when she began to try to blame ME for her current predicament, her weight, the fact she quit going to the gym or exercising on the first day, ignoring the fact she was the same size when I met her, I was done after that point.... She's still single almost a decade later because her reaction to our breakup was to double down, she gained an incredible amount of weight, more and more saw herself as a victim, persecuted and ostracised by everbody and becoming hateful and spiteful. It's sad when all of that negativity, pain, loneliness, mental health pain and the negative physical health consequences all stem for one or two fundamental issues that can be addressed and resolved. 😮‍💨🙄

[@Chuck_EL]

​@@sdbzfan1 I agree , there's many women who I clicked with and they were so negative and insecure it just turned me off and I walked away

[@1dingerr]

I don't think women really understand the weight issue. Yes, fit women are generally more physically attractive, but this is only part of it. Weight is also an indicator of your self-control, discipline, and how much you value your health. A few pounds extra is no big deal, but being significantly overweight is a red flag for psychological issues. You would not be the same person if you lost the weight because the person you are right now does not have the discipline to work out and eat healthy.

[@Jabagenia]

They critiqued women's fashion magazine about unrealistic body standards, but this is way worse.It's crazy the psy op that these women had to experience from these social movements. They have been thought that self love is like a pill you can swallow that will fix all your problems in one easy solution without lifting a finger. The sooner they wake up the easier it will be to fix and move forward with a happy and meaningful life. Yes you should love yourself, which means treating yourself with respect and aiming to improve yourself to constantly be a better person, because that's what you do for someone you love, including yourself. But that doesn't mean others have to do the same thing, especially strangers or acquaintance. You are not owed anything by anyone no matter how nice, unique or special you think you are. The reality is this: If a man is weak, physically, spiritually or emotionally, unable to provide wealth or security, he will be unattractive to most women and given the choice he will be nowhere the top pick when it comes time to find a partner. Some women might SETTLE for him, or find one of his positive attributes outweigh all the negatives, but that doesn't mean that he is owned anything. There is no difference in this regard for women. But women, especially overweight and mentally unstable women, have been brainwashed to believe that body positivity and loving yourself will make up for everything no matter how bad it gets.

[@Ryan-cb1ei]

I swear every time people cry about unrealistic body standards for women they’re not even that unrealistic. At the worst the women are just really thin. It’s actually much more crazy how for men every model/magazine is a tall and fit guy who has clearly spent a lot of time in the gym, but no one bats an eye at that 🤦‍♂️

[@zoulzopan]

​@@Ryan-cb1ei alot of those guys are on gear and not natural. A good number of fitness youtubers are not natural either.

[@brianmeen2158]

It is a bit startling where we are at in the culture on several issues - self love and obesity being two of them. Btw if you truly love yourself you should want to be exercising often and eating right - you don’t want to Mistreat something you love

[@JonathanScarlet]

@@zoulzopan That kinda proves his point, doesn't it?

[@zoulzopan]

@@JonathanScarlet it does and I am just saying it takes more than just going to the gym 5x a week some of those bodies can only be acquired through gear

[@TheLostOne232]

I really don't understand why people think that everyone deserves to be loved for who they are and that love should be a guarantee. Its so silly to me because i have always viewed it as a privilege to be loved that way. We don't all have crystal balls that can look into each individual history and see how great they are. Unfortunately in the initial stages of dating most of it needs to be face value. It has its place too because attraction is just as important to making a relationship work . So i don't really get girls like this who act like they shouldn't have to present well to find someone of value to love them. At the core its the same man who starts dressing well, taking care of himself, and working out. I did this and found the love of my life and our relationship is so much deeper than those initial superficial things. I don't think we would have initially connected had i been a complete slob. However I'm glad i didn't because i found someone who loves me in the way you want to be loved. You cant go through life expecting people to peel your layers. Its better to show sometimes than to tell. Maybe the girl in this video would be an amazing partner but how do you show that to someone when you just met.

[@carina5663]

I guess the mentality comes form TV. A lot of shows show that the shy or ugly girl gets the nice guy, since she is pure at heart, or true love comes by the person who is there with and for a person at their worst. A lot of Nigerian movies imparticular would show a rich man pretending to be poor and displaying his worst in order to find someone who loves him for him, so this type of mentality of not showing our best, but expecting people to find the diamond in the dust may have come from things like that

[@TheLostOne232]

@carina5663 well I definitely understand that money makes it difficult to find true connections. I can't imagine being someone like Drake and actually trusting a women. The thing I don't get is when fame and money aren't a concern. Why people don't think how they present matters. It's so narcissistic to assume everyone knows how good of a person you are. This is why I think "nice guys" think women don't like them. But in reality they just don't do a good job showing any attractive qualities.

[@trianglesandsquares420]

It's because they were taught that. People were treated badly in public and in the media for being ugly or unattractive, so people were taught not to judge character on your looks, and not to bully people. Women also starved themselves to look like movie stars, so there was a fat acceptance movement to stop women from being anorexic and hearing their health. It's a response to what men were expecting too, and the hardships of being skinny in a bad food and lifestyle environment. So it's really hard, unless you're in an athletic family, to not be fat in many of these places, and this girl seems young. So that's that, you should be grateful to your parents for valuing health.

[@TheLostOne232]

@@trianglesandsquares420 I agree that clearly its being taught from early however i always wonder how long in life will people go not actually seeing reality for what it is. The problem is most people like this girl in the video have unrealistic expectations of their life. Its kinda sad when im seeing lots of people getting older and not realize nothing is owed to you. I dont know if you can make any excuses when your 40 out of shape and never had a romantic partner. At that point its on you. Sure you may have got to that point because of your environment but when the doctor comes and says hey you have to lose weight that should be a wake up call.

[@Nickel_Coin]

@@TheLostOne232 What are some good ways a guy can show attractive qualities? Also what qualities are they?

[@FlowerAcid]

I think she just wants to be loved. A very human need. I can see how people want to judge her. But she’s right when you don’t meet conventional standards, it is very hard. It’s hard to see others in relationships. She’s venting. We should’nt bash people we don’t know for venting. I think her coming online to vent is a sign for help. She must feel alone and I empathize with her. We are ALL human. Dating can be the shittiest thing we navigate in our 20s. We don’t know her guys. Why are we making poor comments? AND yes, there is growth to be done. You are your worse enemy and it’s a hard pill to swallow as you grow up.

[@joeycheckers114]

Wants to be loved by a conventional attractive guy.* There are literally millions of guys (average/below average) that would date and love her. She doesn't want their love though...

[@cseptember6562]

If a guy made this video speaking the way she did would he get empathy? And what the other commentor said is correct. She literally called men leftovers. If they arent attractive they dont even exist as people to her. Why is it ok when a women says stuff like this but if a man does it hes an evil incel?

[@vvsvoid950]

If a guy said this, every woman would be calling him a overweight, entitled, hateful I-ncel that needs to “love himself, because women can sense his self hate”. She wants a hot guy’s love and affection, she doesn’t want another overweight person like her to love her. She doesn’t want an equal, she wants a guy way out of her league. When a woman says this, she’s “preaching”. When men do it, they’d get labeled a monster. This entire comment section shows how gynocentric things are. Women are effectively making the “I want a model argument”, while not being a model themselves. Men are supposed to accept ugly, fat, and broke women. Women can actively make fun of ugly, even average men, just because they aren’t 6ft tall or attractive.

[@astaraah]

I didnt know you knew her personally! ​@joeycheckers114

[@TiktokBro154]

@@joeycheckers114 Yep. An the funny thing is it's the same thing a lot of guys under 6ft have been saying 'they just want to be loved'

[@lillypieisme]

I’ve said this many of times before. People preach about self-love and confidence as if it’s all we need in life. We are social creatures and need other people and bonds and relationships and affection and emotional support and have physical needs. I personally never had any of those needs met in my life and that does something to the mind and soul. The loneliness I and many of us feel, the unworthiness, the rejection, all of that destroys a person’s well-being. We can love ourselves all we want, but that’s never enough to live a happy life.

[@demonsalwayswin]

Exactly. Like what's even left? You can only love yourself. And that does not mean other people will like you. These people have no idea what they're talking about.

[@taewoodz4125]

@lillypieisme nonsense you are gorgeous

[@metalheadjake3339]

All I know is the men who are constantly hating on women and the women who are constantly hating on men are the actual ones who desperately want to be with the opposite sex. It's all bitterness. They are trying to convince themselves that they don't want a boyfriend/girlfriend

[@LovePriestessLeah]

Self love leads to having actual standards in relationships. It’s not only self love but when we set a standard for ourselves we won’t be afraid to be rejected or reject others when they don’t meet that standard

[@demonsalwayswin]

@@LovePriestessLeah I live like this and I'm still lonely af. Lonely like no friends either. Actually self-respect will scare most people off. Since nowadays many people want to take advantages of others they know they have no chance at people with self-respect and standards and this makes the people even lonelier. Then there are people with standards that will be never met and they know it, so having such standards (for a relationship) make really no sense speaking of connection to self-love.

[@sterlingdennett]

Even after all of this soul-searching, and "putting yourself out there on the internet", ask yourself this: Would SHE accept an overweight/obese man, if he were WONDERFUL "on the inside?" If her answer is "no", then spare me your hypocrisy, woman!

[@blackjackjester]

People who don't care about themselves like this on the outside, don't take care of themselves on the inside either. Every obese woman I've known has accountability issues, at a bare minimum.

[@moonknight4053]

True… she is pretty obese n what not Not shitting on her just yeah… can’t expect a fit guy to pick her or a slim dude aye

[@octaviawinter9768]

So you don’t even know the woman and you’re just making your own narrative about a made-up situation. You’re not in the shower bro stop arguing with yourself.

[@johannesvonsaaz3987]

A Real talk that bro

[@mikenes-or]

​@@octaviawinter9768 Hence why he said "would" and "if", and put a question mark at the end of it.... it's hypothetical

[@pixelsoap411]

I think people forget that self love also means to take care of your body health, mental health, appearance etc.❤

[@Bierzgal]

It would absolutely change the person. Because being fat is not always about being “ugly”. When I see an overweight person my first though is not “ugly”. It’s “lazy”, it’s “weak willed”, it’s “lacks conviction”. Why would I want the future mother of my children to have such traits? I see obese people the same way I see chain-smokers or heavy drinkers. Just addicted to a different substance. And when you start to work out and lose weight? Oh boy, hell yes it changes you. You feel lighter. There is a sudden spring in your step. Your confidence is much higher. Things that before seemed like a struggle suddenly are just easy tasks. You feel better, stronger, healthier. So yes, it absolutely changes you.

[@CEWIII9873]

Agreed However, they sure are trying to make you not apply your logic and rationality to your life.

[@amylynne777]

It 1000% comes down to who you let in. I’ve been rejected countless times based on my weight, but I only was able to meet my husband who adores me after not letting in/rejecting those who weren’t treating me how I desired. It’s a decision you consciously make. You’ve gotta make space for what you want to receive. Be an active participant in your life.

[@erikaarnold4780]

💯Any time in my life I wasn’t getting what I wanted (even small things) I changed something. Sometimes small changes, sometimes big ones like changing a job or leaving a bad relationship/ friendship. Being okay with change allows me to learn from my life. I have to be honest with myself…not the answer to everything, but it has always put me back on track. Life be hard…but it can also be beautiful. ✨Good luck to everyone (including myself). Friggin *works* in progress❤

[@CEWIII9873]

Nice. And how much "space" did he have to "make?"

[@scary5455]

Men don't even have a person to not let in/reject in the first place

[@josh2523]

fax g @@scary5455

[@Butterflyyyxoxo]

It is good to be content with being alone. When you seek outside validation or the need to be in relationships constantly youll settle for less than what you should. Being alone shouldn't be shamed. Its better to be alone and happy than together and miserable. If I wasnt at peace with being alone I would have never had the opportunity to eventually meet the right one.

[@elias378]

WTH are you going on about?🤨

[@bigups43]

@@elias378 Its a pretty simple and cogent point they are making.

[@gigglesmcgee2052]

The fear of being alone has many people stuck in sad relationships.

[@sababaratashvili8629]

It's a spectrum, it's fine to be satisfied with yourself but reality is vast majority of humans need someone else as well to be happy, we are social animals. And having mate/partner is one of the major connections you can have in life. You can do fine without it maybe but chances are you would happier with somebody by your side. That's true for humanity in general.

[@Farhan_049]

​@@elias378Isn't it clear enough already?

[@misosouperman]

This was a good one, as a woman who was 212 lbs and is now 135. Losing the weight helped me care for myself and that is ATTRACTIVE! It's the package. We take care of our mental health and that's considered attractive we need to do the same physically. It's not about being a beauty queen it's your dicipline. Or like Aba said, wait around for someone who is not going to do that, but then don't complain when your not attracted to him. Remember his heart😂

[@BNezzy]

Great points. My question to you then, is this whole narrative of being obese is healthy and ok a good narrative to be telling the world? Because what i am gathering is that being overweight is neither healthy mentally or physically for a person. But hey maybe i am wrong and issing something.

[@misosouperman]

@@BNezzy I believe that it is wrong. I'm not going to lie, when I was obese I was completely invisible or looked at with disgust, that is the truth and I don't wish it on anyone. However, it was my bad habits that put me there and I was the only one to get me out of it. My life has not only improved romantically, but all and I mean every one of my health problems have dissolved thankfully, and I've never felt better about myself. There is no good reason to stay obese in my opinion and every reason to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

[@haileyquinnzel]

There are people who aren’t disciplined at all & skinny. There are also people who are VERY disciplined and fat. Please educate yourself.

[@misosouperman]

@@haileyquinnzel no one said that wasn't true. Please be mad about nothing somewhere else

[@BNezzy]

As current a 300lb guy who used to be 340lbs 6 months ago, i again agree with you in all that you said. I wish people would be allowed to call out the fat positive movement for what it really is....a grift.@@misosouperman

[@JenniferEzell-bh6ui]

I wonder if she'd date a man her size. As someone who is on a weight loss journey, it makes all the difference in how you view yourself. When you care for yourself, you naturally become happier, and you attract the right people. I'm lucky enough to have a man who thinks I'm beautiful, but I also started dating someone who treats me with the respect I have for myself and started leaving the "bad boys" alone. We can't blame society, "all men," or skinny women for our own unhappiness.

[@hgriff14]

Her issue is that she said she is “force fed” content of women being treated better than her. That statement told me everything I had to know about this person. She isn’t force fed shit, it’s an algorithm and everyone with a brain knows the algorithm is going to give you whatever you want.

[@incognit01233]

That's a lie The algorithm is designed no to give you what you want. But to MANIPULATE YOU into making you want things, destroying you so that you are more susceptible to manipulation, pushing narratives and propoganda, and pushing content they hope will emotionally hook you and addict you. No one is watching abc NBC etc news. No one is watching Kate night talk shows But they have no problem using the totally impartial algorithm to push this content and put millions of views on their entirely ignored trash. That's what is going on with social media and search engines.

[@imantetillman4735]

Facts. Once again, accountability flees the scene. She needs to take the time to improve herself.

[@ThePatrickakes]

One weakness in your argument is the assumption that all algorithms are not designed to encourage self-destructive engagement. While she needs to have some self accountability, it does not mean we cannot have empathy and possibly recognize that sometimes algorithms still show you shit you don't really wanna see. I know I end up with shit I don't wanna see on my feed all of the time despite my very consistent efforts to avoid those things.

[@trpdrspider8372]

Pull out the tube..

[@catcat9582]

It's an exaggeration. She doesn't mean it literally

[@zigglerfan]

I hope all of you find someone who treats you as well as you treat them. Never write yourself off and don’t lose hope there truly is someone out there for everyone.

[@danteshollowedgrounds]

💯💯💯🐐🐐🐐

[@DaddysBoyOtis]

I think it comes down to what you are willing to tolerate. when you have high standards and want to be treated well, and have someone who is a true match, without trauma bonding, or fighting half the time, options become very limited. I don't believe everyone will find true love in life, but there should be people to connect with if you open your horizons, without compromising integrity.

[@scary5455]

Just think of all the lonely men around the world who deleted themselves last year that nobody even noticed go. If this was a man, you'd just tell him to lower his standards and call him entitled.

[@zigglerfan]

@@scary5455 why are you attacking me I never specified gender I said all of you so everyone male female black white gay straight or whatever we might be as humans everyone deserves love

[@scary5455]

@@zigglerfan If this was a man, Aba N Preach would just tell him to lower his standards and call him entitled

[@aR0ttenBANANA]

But fr tho, good luck to her, she seems more than self-aware so let’s hope her situation changes soon cus she seems to know what her issues are.

[@jhart1127]

I'm a married woman with a son, super happy family etc. I need to know a partner can take care of themselves. Its nice if they can support me too but they need to support themselves with their own health, career, relationships, interests. She doesnt seem to be doing these things and then wonders why she isnt an attractive partner.

[@AnthonyRusso93]

At this point her biggest obstacle is her learned helplessness. I remember over romanticizing romantic relationships prior to experiencing one they just aren't that cool but at that stage of beatendownness it seems like it would be just pure magic

[@WideAwakeHuman]

Victim mentality

[@blaiktrout376]

I need to calm myself down on the over romanticizing too.

[@christop3]

0 accountability the #1 thing taught to modern day women sadly. Nothing is ever your fault or problem. Just blame men, because its all their fault. Meanwhile she's crying over losing weight, when reality is, makeup is the same exact god damn thing and women will wear that to artificially multiply their attractiveness. No comment on that though. She also speaks as if men arent allowed to have a type, but she clearly is because you know 1000s of lonely dudes live probably in a 5 mile radius around her that she wont even bother with. if you dont wanna play the game, sit on the benches. But hard truth? Another woman will gladly take your place. Yet she'll still blame the man for that. It's so damn sad. This is by definition "have your cake and eat it too" she wants to put 0 effort in, but wants a fairytale love story. It's so bizarre. Not to mention she immediately dumped red flags out at the start saying everyone is problematic that she dates. Just makes me think shes overly sensitive and has incredibly high expectations for every potential partner, that they cant possibly meet so she ends up lashing at them and then cries when they push back. Thats the vibe I get.

[@methylphosphatePOET]

It's not romantic. But it is life giving. People in relationships have better health and live longer. People who live alone have shorter lives.🤷‍♂

[@w47765]

It's weird how long this personality trait has actually existed. I remember growing up and seeing Helga from "Hey Arnold!" thinking that "No one actually behaves that way". Only for us to enter the golden age of information where we can get updates on everyone's life instantly 24/7 and see that there are people like that!

[@tricjoseph9879]

The whole self-love thing can mess with your head. We're told that we can't be loved unless we love ourselves, which is a very toxic and poor mindset. I met my partner when i was at my lowest, and my self hate was at its highest, and he still loved me. He helped me heal and continues to help me break and unlearn old bad habits. That whole "hurt people hurt people" saying is also a toxic one. I was hurt for the longest time, but i never went out of my way to hurt orhers. It was the "happy" selfish/narcissistic people who hurt others. I can relate to the first thing she talked about. I attracted and let in the wrong men until I met my current partner. I saw how those men treated other women and I foolishly believed that they would treat me the same, if not better. They didn't. They treated me worse which messed with my head and lowered my confidence for years. Unfortunately, we attract and let in the wrong people before meeting the right one. The only thing we can do is find healthy ways to cope and better ourselves until we meet the right person, so that we don't lash out at them, push them away, or drop all of our trauma from past relationships on them. We have to learn how to process our emotions, and communicate in a healthy way.

[@xbabu142x]

Communication truly is the cornerstone to a healthy relationship, When you're in a relationship with someone there is no tally, no write off by saying, if something happens, it's a learning experience, ya'll communicate, then agree to do things however. The only deal breaker is if one partner repeatedly overpromises, or undersells, since they're not being fully accountable and communicating that honestly. If the relationship is healthy and communication good, all I can say is you'll truly understand that your partner is also learning an growing from whatever experiences, and finds fulfillment in what you two are building. Wishing you both a healthy and fulfilling relationship till the moment you internalize it's not the value or amount of Lego pieces that you each bring that is important, it's the time spent building and the end result! Looking back at what you've built with your partner, what will be center stage will be the fact that what you have in front of you is unique, beautiful and more importantly, yours, jointly.

[@isa.c7764]

Yes people always overlook the psychological element to this. It’s deeper that looks. Appearances reflect self discipline and dedication. Working out, eating well, dressing up, doing your hair, makeup, etc. takes effort and that’s what people respect.

[@SuigaRou]

I don't think she realizes that there's already a name for when people are attracted to eachother for who they are, beyond physical appearance, and it's called friendship. But for romantic relationships, you still need the lust factor to be there, because if you didn't then why isn't she going out and finding a guy who she's seeing for "who they really are" too? I dunno, it just seems hypocritical that she's complaining like men are supposed to look past her appearance and fall for her when I doubt she's practicing what she preaches.

[@CEWIII9873]

because wah-men are children

[@Neion8]

Dude I literally just typed that in a different comment before I read yours. Glad I'm not the only one pointing out that friendship is what they're asking for but not what they're looking for.

[@oeckstei]

Men are more on the receiving even of “the world doesn’t owe you anything” than women are and this woman is just figuring out what we all have been knowing.

[@JiggyMiggytv]

Short Men get told there's something wrong with them. Fat Woman get told they're fine and should be accepted regardless. One group has to deal with the cards they've been dealt, the other can change but refuses to at their own detriment...

[@Corrupted-file]

If a man recorded this video, word for word; every female “influencer” out there would be calling him an “incel”, and say they’re concerned he may start blastin’ up his “place of education” soon.

[@chuchonchuchon7640]

This is a femcel, the equivalent of an incel

[@TiktokBro154]

Facts and he will also be told that he is not owed anything

[@paigew6707]

oh look an incel trying to make this a man vs woman thing. Go outside and touch grass.

[@reneestevens7337]

most school shooters are male and they have often been rejected by women. what's your point?

[@ratpos7285]

femprivilege, power of a man, entitlement of a child, and accountability of none.

[@Coach-DC]

8:01. No. If you lost 150 pounds you’d be an entirely different person. Why? You’ve always been big, you lose 150 pounds by discipline diet and exercise. The will power you create through that process alone will change you drastically.

[@sdbzfan1]

Even as someone not looking for a relationship right now, my life is a mess, I still think many people confuse the point of self love, self love isnt a substitute for actual intimate love, its simply learning to value yourself, but if you also can't see other people that value you, you are a single person with a single support system, you need others, like its so strange how people understand that fiction is powerful and can teach you things yet we devalue a lot of the lessons taught in stories for kids when we grow up like its not a bad thing to value your friends, the same way its not weird to like the fact that people want you

[@sababaratashvili8629]

I think some take it too far to the point of becoming narcissists who refuse to accept any criticism and refuse to self improve at all personality or physicality wise.

[@frant1cOne]

Self love means you take care of yourself. Nutrition, health, hobbies, happiness. If you love yourself, then there is no bitterness towards others, and you can walk away from bad things for you.

[@hoopslaa5235]

It’s not self love with most women, it’s grossly exaggerated narcissism. They just acting like they are trying to protecting themselves whe. They’re really trying to push the narrative and make people think they deserve more and that people should treat them better and they’re trying to set a standard of literal gifts and things they want given along with special treatment emotionally and mentally. Literal physical things and no physical too. Don’t be fooled by this fakeness.

[@v.velanga9608]

I felt many different things on this video. The biggest of which is that that sounds like how I was some years ago. For me, what I could gather from that moment, was that I was in a kind of utopian world in my mind, thinking that we needed to change the world to better accept me for who I was, until a time of realization came that I noticed the world was not going to bend to my needs, and I was the one who needed to adapt to it. You may say I was too self absorbed (and one may say that those things never really leave us), or maybe I had a hard time adapting from whatever-Disneyworld-Fantasy of Utopia I had in mind to reality. Whatever it may be, I came from this thought process of "People should accept me from who I am instead of what I look like" to "Ehmeh, It is what it is." I was wasting less energy on trying to "fight the system" to actually spend energy on my health. At the very least, it became less stressful

[@MissV301]

Listening to her I recognize a lot of how I used to think. She's clearly bitter and placing blame on everyone and everything else. And she hasn't realized that couples she sees on social media aren't necessarily as perfect as they may appear. Losing weight, improving your physical health does affect how you think and how you come across to others but it's not the end all be all to life. One of the most important things I've had to learn is that when I started taking care of myself first (as opposed to putting others first) in EVERY way - physically, financially etc - I became happier, more confident and far less concerned about being judged.

[@cvsp3rlxc921]

People like her annoy me. I used to be almost 400lbs and girls shut me down for that very reason, I got tired of it and dropped down to 170lbs and now the same women that rejected me years ago, stay in my inbox trying to talk. The fact is you get what you put into it.

[@selenachan4230]

Congrats. Keep up the great work

[@anna8968]

The older I get the more I become sympathetic to the understanding that most of us are doing the best we can with the information/ knowledge we have. Some of us will have a more difficult personal journey with growth but at the end of the day we deff attract certain people in our lives. It’s easy to judge others and say how wrong or stupid they are but that’s all the individual knows in that exact moment until they are taught different. Just try to practice good morales, try to make healthy lifestyle choices for your body, practice peace and patience with others. To fix the external world we need to fix our internal first. Closing off ppl is not the answer, in my opinion. We won’t learn if we don’t challenge each other a bit. Friction is not always a bad thing. Easy is boring. Being too comfortable keeps you stagnant. We are our own worst enemy sometimes but disguise it as self love…

[@A.l.a.c.]

You deserve the pin of honor.👏👏👏

[@cardinalsfan9610]

Losing weight can transform someone's life in all kinds of ways. The thing is, when someone's not used to attention and suddenly gets it, after a good amount of time not being the apple of anyone's eye, it's quite surprising. Sometimes, old doubts like "I'm not enough" can still ring in that person's head. Preach does make a great point on "is it all the people you attract, or those you let in?". Looking for the bad in anything will not work out and can cause mind havoc all on its own. If all the people are awful, the common denominator is you. Personally, I'm a little overweight and I know it affects my dating life (or lack thereof). I would also struggle at first with someone being into me, as I'm not used to that all too often. People treat you differently when you're better looking... that's a fact of life. Perspective plays a role too.

[@ryancialone3045]

She outed herself when she said it about looks as if men don’t care about social compatibility. I’ve seen men leave very physically beautiful women because the personality incompatibility was that unbearable. She’s just miserable. And miserable people like to spread it. She doesn’t need to pretend to be happy but she’s way too poisoned by her own negativity. I’ve seen women who are not as good looking as her end up in great relationships because they just had that infectious positivity about them. They also understood there’s a deep emotional exchange that’s necessary in a relationship.

[@brianmeen2158]

Yes and she’s very similar to the incels in that she will blame her looks for repelling men instead of realizing her negativity and unhappiness that are likely playing big roles too. I don’t care what a person looks like - if they are constantly low energy or pessimistic then it really makes them look worse

[@greuju]

Yeah good way to say it. I bet if she cut out all sugar within a week her personality and mood would be completely different.

[@svsv1191]

this is super gaslighting

[@sugarwaterpurple5280]

But that is the truth...because most men prioritize looks over personality. We have all seen men who will stay in a bad relationship way too long with a woman they are very attracted to.

[@RaggedLands]

@@sugarwaterpurple5280"most men" and I'm sure you can back that claim up with evidence that isn't anecdotal. Here's my anecdotal truth. Most men I know will tell you the same: A physical 9 goes to a 4 real fast if she's annoying or bitter or nagging. And a physical 5 goes to a 9 real fast if she's bubbly and warm and happy to see you. The issue is that many women don't know what personality men look for in women. Generally we don't look for "boss babes" that got it all figured out and need no man. They're usually nasty humans.

[@VioletFoxisms]

From my heaviest, I’m 80 lbs down. I got a very serious health condition to the point of having limited mobility. I started going to a workout studio, got more mobile and built muscle. I go 6 days a week at 6am now, and am 20lbs down from last year. The gym gives me structure and pride that I actually did this for myself! I’m proud that I have the willingness to go through the discomfort of getting my butt out of bed at 5:30am everyday to get a workout in! I’m more mentally positive and love taking care of my body. It shows me that o can push my perceived limits ❤️ I’m married and my husband finds it attractive that I’m motivated and push myself. He’s also a very motivated person who takes care of himself. Like attracts like!

[@the1only467]

Salute to Aba and Preach for addressing real issues and having the tough conversations despite any hate they may receive. In a time where almost everyone is concerned with self image and never wanting to be honest about any flaws they may have it’s nice to hear an honest, intelligent and modern take on the issues many of us deal with day to day. Just wanted to say thank you.

[@brianmeen2158]

Aba n preach have extremely sensible takes. There’s not much I disagree with them on

[@afro_snake6458]

12:00 basically me. Grew up with health problems in a town full of obese people. Was told to always clear my plate etc. I'd say i was fat by 10. Didn't realize the health problems, permanent effects etc until around 17. Ive been trying to work myself down from 265.. it's been a grueling process and i fell like ive barely made any difference. Over 3y+ ive been trying to help myself.

[@Coach-DC]

You’ve made a huge difference. It’s the things and people we don’t acknowledge. Like, every time you go for a walk, you’re not only building a consistent habit, we’re habit animals and that must be understood. You’re most importantly building your willpower. Your mind muscle, that keeps you on task to the finish. And the people you don’t see watching you on every walk, workout etc. They’re rooting for you and inspired by you. Keep Going! ✌🏿

[@strawpiglet]

Reduce processed carbs by adding something else: drink sparkling water instead of soda, eat more vegetables and meat and less pasta and bread. It's really not that hard and it makes a huge difference. The other thing is don't think should, think want. Do I really want this cake, knowing what it will do to me? Maybe not today. It's easier to do things when you want to.

[@Kuroganemk2]

The moment she said that non of the guys she has been with actually liked her, it made me think that she was at fault for going for fuckbois or people out of her league that just used her as an easy booty call.

[@theezenriarinze9203]

That's likely what happened especially since she's fat and doesn't want to lose weight.

[@bbbbbbb51]

Rewatch the video and you'll notice the 1 thing she never does is take responsibility. It's social media's fault that she's constantly fed content about good couples and cute girls (algorithms are made to keep people engaged. They don't repeatedly feed you content you don't interact with or watch.) It's her potential boyfriends' faults for being bad people, but not her fault for choosing them. It's society's fault for not finding fat attractive, but not her fault for letting herself get that way. She's essentially upset that nobody wants to take her as she is and build her up to be better, despite the fact that the world is full of women who blimped out after they got a ring on the finger. It just doesn't work that way. Lastly, she could easily lower her standards and find someone who would treat her well. She sits there complaining about people being shallow for not liking her when she's fat,but they would if she was skinny despite nothing changing mentally, yet I can guarantee you she wouldn't show that same grace to decent men that she finds in attractive. This entire thing is just a depressive self absorbed rant. She needs to get outside, find a hobby, start a light workout, and get off socmed.

[@jasonBGI]

Classic 49er female shooting out of her league. I feel no sympathy for the likes of her.

[@Lunatic5306]

That’s not fair bro. I’m sure there’s some that used her for money as well.

[@paigew6707]

lmao@@Lunatic5306

[@jimmysdad694]

1:48 diddy got competition now