Forgiving someone is one thing, but trusting them is entirely different. I have forgiven people for horrible things but that doesn't mean I will ever let them into my house.
@klsb752 жыл бұрын
This!! ^ 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
@eileenbauer46012 жыл бұрын
Exactly, forgiveness is unilateral, building trust takes two.
@carolnahigian95182 жыл бұрын
exactly!
@elanahammer10762 жыл бұрын
Exactly 🤔❤️🇺🇸
@c.r.k.71622 жыл бұрын
My thoughts exactly
@AmaraCantHurt2 жыл бұрын
My favorite character in this story, the lake that swallowed this piece of garbage and only gave him back once it extinguished his soul. No compassion, no forgiveness, just cold dark justice.
@celesteshenas21552 жыл бұрын
So poetic and spot on,
@cottontails90032 жыл бұрын
That is beautiful
@Guillermo_Carratero2 жыл бұрын
I can vividly imagine it by your words, you should write a novel my friend..
@mariaevans57932 жыл бұрын
Well said!!!!!!🤗🇬🇧
@christygyeke47882 жыл бұрын
Nature fought back.
@Justynbrodsky1232 жыл бұрын
I’m starting to enjoy hearing someone not diagnose anyone in these videos, but speculate on a situation like this.
@wallyllama29262 жыл бұрын
Are you also “a fan of the strange, dark and mysterious delivered in story format”? iykyk
@bodiesatva2 жыл бұрын
@@wallyllama2926 🤙
@speedymcweeniemom85562 жыл бұрын
Dr doofenshmirtz should have been watching Dr Grande
@dontmindme6332 жыл бұрын
@@wallyllama2926 omg I love you for that!
@ericjauregui30892 жыл бұрын
I also find myself enjoying hearing someone start by looking at the background of this case, then move onto the timeline of the crime, and offer his analysis.
@lauren96672 жыл бұрын
Forgiveness is not forgetting, lack of consequences, or promise of reconciliation. Forgiving her mom’s killer is one thing - he can never repay the debt he owed her - but she darn near adopted him! It’s one thing to be compassionate and another to be a fool. Sigh.
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
You know some are saying she might have been involved? Would like more evidence pro or con on this idea
@wolfslullaby2 жыл бұрын
@@bthomson Ooh that's interesting. She is the one who inherited the house...
@ascensionvaldes14122 жыл бұрын
exactly
@blitzkriegedvanhauten52612 жыл бұрын
Black
@richardhart92042 жыл бұрын
When I was a child, I knew and was sometimes friends with many kids like Travis, and let me tell you, there's no helping them, there's no saving them.
@stt5v20022 жыл бұрын
I am not very trusting by nature. I have a saying that reflects this. “In a world of sociopaths, cynicism is a superpower.” This case fits my motto.
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
I like trust but verify!
@Zmiana_Pogody2 жыл бұрын
I am opposite: very trusting and naive by nature. I think I'm still alive only because I live in modern Europe, in well established family, and I'm phisically very big, peaceful, well mannered woman 💪 I would assume at least 10 to 20 sociopaths had already occassion to harm me during my 44 years of living, and only about 5 achieved it, but at least not deadly ;) Among them my mum when she was drinking and my business parter, who was also my best friend that time 🤣 I paid with deep depression though 🤷♀️
@Brxwn92 жыл бұрын
@@Zmiana_PogodyDon’t forget the narcissists!
@m_christine10702 жыл бұрын
@@Zmiana_Pogody I'm sorry about your experiences. I'm also trusting and naive by nature. I'm not sure how it happened , because my sister and mother, are completely underhanded, by nature. My sister is employed by the US federal government
@puppiesarepower36822 жыл бұрын
@@Zmiana_Pogody wow, you deserve an Oscar.
@sheilagravely56212 жыл бұрын
Anyone that commits murder, let alone two, should never ever get out of prison!!!
@audijohnson97322 жыл бұрын
Why
@yvettevernet47592 жыл бұрын
Yes, why did he ever get parole? Surely the psychiatric team who evaluated him must have known how dangerous this man was,it beggars belief!
@kenmore012 жыл бұрын
@@audijohnson9732 Because they will seek you out and kill you. Yes, YOU.
@billywolf59582 жыл бұрын
@@audijohnson9732 why 🤦🏼♂️
@pamelajordan2890 Жыл бұрын
@@audijohnson9732 uh 🧐 maybe because it’s murder of innocent people for personal gain or revenge and not self defense. I hope this helps.
@willelliott50522 жыл бұрын
Her idea of compassion was twisted. If only she could have directed her compassion to those who were more innocent and deserving. She probably thought human nature to be inherently good, a misguided and sometimes dangerous notion.
@kingayy92672 жыл бұрын
It's not up to us to decide who others consider to be deserving of their compassion.
@willelliott50522 жыл бұрын
@@kingayy9267 I didn't state otherwise. I was stating in the general sense that people who don't murder others are more deserving of compassion than those who do. Not that hard to comprehend.
@cela98522 жыл бұрын
@@kingayy9267 there are certain situations where common sense and emotional intelligence should also be applied. When you see someone not apply these two things in their relationships you can't help but feel sad for them because because it doesn't take a genius to know that it is going to end very bad. Its like a woman I once read about who befriended a sex offender thinking he deserved more compassion and was a changed man....yeah that didn't turn out so great. Not everyone deserves compassion.
@a_diamond2 жыл бұрын
You can have compassion for anyone and everyone without automatically giving them your trust. My father murdered my mother. I wouldn't trust him around my kids, even though I forgive him for my part of the pain he has caused. It's not about thinking people are "fixed" etc. Forgiveness isn't always about the person who has harmed you. It can also be about forgiving them for what they couldn't be.. My father was a broken man who made terrible choices. He wasn't the Boogeyman. He deserved to be in prison for what he did, and yet I disagree with mistreating inmates.
@SarelleSirius2 жыл бұрын
I think certain people incarcerated do indeed need people advocating for them, for instance people that are given harsh sentences for non-violent crimes, people that committed their crimes as children and have possibly become reformed, and people that arguably had enough reasonable doubt in their case that they should have been found innocent. I do not however think people should be exhausting their good nature on violent criminals that are deserving of their sentences.
@rullmourn11422 жыл бұрын
i have seen an in depth study of this case, it is both ironic and infuriating at the same time. Watching gullible people making dangerous, foolish decisions, drives me nuts.
@kavitaa85232 жыл бұрын
This video is an eye opener. As someone who grew up believing the inherent (albeit , dormant) good in people and repeatedly being shocked at the lack of remorse in others.. and learning many many lessons the hard way. I wish I was taught this growing up. I wish anti-social behaviour is taught in school, so people can be aware of the dangerous people.
@Throatzillaaa2 жыл бұрын
I always disliked the statement "Forgive and forget". I will forgive people for many things, but it doesn't mean I will put myself in a situation that allows them to behave that way towards me again. I think it's just better to say "I forgive them, and lesson learned." Don't carry the weight of the anger or sadness forever but don't lose the valuable information you learned about that person's character (and in some circumstances, the lesson about how your behavior may have contributed to the way(s) you were betrayed. If you do, you suffered for no good reason at all.
@wanderlust32922 жыл бұрын
My thoughts exactly
@yemiojo22652 жыл бұрын
Could not agree more.
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
So... We don't get to hear why you disagree with this seemingly wise comment?🤔😑
@Komediennekymd20092 жыл бұрын
Exactly! I'll NEVER forget & I don't have to deal with u. Some ppl will never regain my trust or friendship bkuz they just don't deserve it.
@Throatzillaaa2 жыл бұрын
@@bthomson sorry, what?
@djt89372 жыл бұрын
It seems to start early. Travis' mother vouched for him being home all day when in fact he was out murdering. Travis was learning from a liar who was apparently even willing to defend murder. Mom of the year.
@celesteshenas21552 жыл бұрын
She was probably afraid of him as well
@mamacito17952 жыл бұрын
@@Inckitten yup.. I mean chris watts parents don't believe hes guilty despite overwhelming evidence and you know the little things of him confessing.
@Koozomec2 жыл бұрын
@@cht2162 You know, with strong statements like this what is funny ? You can reverse them. People were very lenient with him a lot of time and had forgiven him. Maybe because of his genes ? Result : tragedy.
@kenmore012 жыл бұрын
@@Koozomec Nobody said it was funny, and no, you can't.
@Koozomec2 жыл бұрын
@@kenmore01 i've just done it. It's a proof i can. He was guilty because he was a criminal and a murderer not because of his skin colour. You americans of the USA are obsessed over race and bring it on EVERY topics.
@mrich96542 жыл бұрын
This woman who had no boundaries paid with her life.
@jenniferwilson95792 жыл бұрын
I think Martha did not report the theft of her money to “save face”. She would have had to admit how wrong she was and how much of a fool she had been all along.
@Whol3NothaL3v3l2 жыл бұрын
So true!
@inlandindieP35 Жыл бұрын
She paid the full freight for that hubris.
@SandaBoxing Жыл бұрын
Nah, if she was a Christian, then that's what Jesus required of her. It certainly is not easy, but to "lay one's life down for a friend", is an incredible act....now multiply that by 100 as it was for "an enemy".
@parkmallbaby Жыл бұрын
@@SandaBoxing Are you trolling? Absolutely not!
@SandaBoxing Жыл бұрын
@@parkmallbaby that's why being a Christian is so difficult and probably less than 1% of the Earth's population throughout history will escape 🔥
@rmooreg2 жыл бұрын
Human beings apparently, have boundless capacity for both naivety and depravity. When those traits encounter each other, the outcome is inevitably tragic. To keep oneself safe one must be able to recognize danger.
@forickgrimaldus83012 жыл бұрын
The victim believed that Vengence is in the hands of God how fitting then that her killer drowned in a lake by the hands of his own depravity and immorality. (He could have maintained a stable job with a nice boss yet he choose to to kill her and then die because of it, some people aren't ment to be forgiven.)
@Roonlovesfish38742 жыл бұрын
@@forickgrimaldus8301 Agreed
@wiseonwords2 жыл бұрын
@@forickgrimaldus8301 - Well, he was psychopath. It was his nature to kill.
@forickgrimaldus83012 жыл бұрын
@@wiseonwords not all Psychopaths like to kill but they can't feel empathy.
@colinriches15192 жыл бұрын
Added with strong emotions of hope, fear or both. Naivety has been responsible for countless religious wars and continuing religious oppression. People who feel very strongly and act on that feeling but think very little are almost always those that carry out heinous crimes while thinking they are doing good or 'gods' will. Never trust anyone who tells you what they think you want to hear and or promises to know that which they do not.
@islandblind2 жыл бұрын
This case reminds of a fictional story which illustrates the same point which Dr. Grande is making here. The story says that a man found a severely injured rattlesnake on the road and, feeling compassion for the nearly-dead creature, he took it home and nursed it back to health. On day, while the man was caring for the rattler, it struck out and bit its keeper. As the man was dying with the rattlesnake's venom coursing through his veins, he asked the snake why it had bitten him after he shown it such kindness. The rattlesnake replied, "I'm a rattlesnake. It's simply in my nature to bite when the opportunity presents itself."
@MasterMalrubius2 жыл бұрын
RattlesnaKes do not strike when the opportunity presents itself. They only strike when they feel endangered or when hunting. A human is much too large for them to hunt. The story is The Frog and the Scorpion. The scorpion wants to cross a stream but cannot so asks a passing frog to carry it across. The frog is afraid the scorpion will sting it but the scorpion says he will not because they would both die. So the frog agrees. But halfway across the scorpion does sting the frog. The frog asks why he did it since they will both die. The scorpion replied, “Because it is my nature.” Evil people will do evil no matter how well you treat them.
@mrsmiles11792 жыл бұрын
@@MasterMalrubius Frogs and Scorpions don't talk to each other
@islandblind2 жыл бұрын
@@MasterMalrubius You're right about snakes only striking for food or in self-defense. The moral stands, regardless of which version of the story you're telling.
@ericjauregui30892 жыл бұрын
@@mrsmiles1179 Why don't Frogs and Scorpions talk to each other? What is the source of this division?
@dontmindme6332 жыл бұрын
This is similar to a Buddhist proverb about a scorpion
@AABB-bm9kk2 жыл бұрын
It’s almost like it made Martha feel better about the world to believe Travis wasn’t so guilty, And like she had to prove that to herself by giving him second chances he never deserved. Very sad.
@kekedarius2 жыл бұрын
Definitely
@reingp2 жыл бұрын
She probably wanted to prove others were wrong too (and that she was right). That's why she would keep it secret that he's stolen the 10k. Letting others know of his crime would prove her wrong.
@jessicamarie8299 Жыл бұрын
@@reingpwhttte guilt and whttte Savior. She never wanted to admit that she was wrong.
@rejaneoliveira50192 жыл бұрын
That’s such a sad case. To me, this is an example of the importance of pairing compassion with wisdom, always. It also makes me reflect on the qualities of empathy and kindness. Unfortunately, I don’t think that people who are kind and compassionate are necessarily rewarded by doing so. It appears that the reward is the kindness itself, life happens regardless of one’s niceness. In fact, many selfish people are sometimes rewarded much more than the kind ones. Even so, I still think that being kind is worth it, in fact I truly believe that the best life is the one dedicated to others. However, wisdom is important while exercising empathy and compassion. Great analysis, thank you Dr. Grande .❤️
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
As always Rejane your comment seems to me to be both thoughtful and heartfelt! They say nice guys finish last but I think they finish with a good feeling that lasts!
@rejaneoliveira50192 жыл бұрын
@@bthomson Oh that’s such a great way to put it -“they finish with a good feeling that lasts”🙌🏼 Thank you for the comment!
@rejaneoliveira50192 жыл бұрын
@@UpdoggWhattt Thank you Chris.🙂
@rejaneoliveira50192 жыл бұрын
@@anjou6497 Thank you so much Anjou. Stay well dear.💕
@rejaneoliveira50192 жыл бұрын
@@anjou6497 ❤️
@bettybanaszak57482 жыл бұрын
I like the point that you made that it's OK to forgive but but not necessarily to trust. The Bible speaks of being wise as serpents but harmless as doves. When you are dealing with serpents it is wise to be discerning but not vengeful.
@nickyblue48662 жыл бұрын
Amen to that 🙏
@btetschner2 жыл бұрын
What a story! She probably thought that she was not a good person unless she gave Travis Lewis the break he deserved. I imagine that wealthier people can be more disconnected from reality and that they don't seem to have the same idea of what risk is. Very interesting case, thank you for the explanation and analysis.
@sallysmith80812 жыл бұрын
I agree with your mention of wealthier people can be disconnected from reality. I once worked with a woman who was brought up in a wealthy family, but at one point was forced to work for a living. I would say I was brought up solid middle class and lived in a home and drove a car that reflected that. The home and car were very decent, clean, not junky, but not luxury type thing. One time she came to my house and was shocked at how nice my house was. I guess she thought only wealthy people live in decent homes. It was actually kind of insulting how she was all like "Wow, I didn't know you lived like this," as if she assumed lived in a filthy dump because I was middle class.
@btetschner2 жыл бұрын
@@sallysmith8081 Hahaha! She probably thought anyone more less wealthy than her lived at the City Mission. Wealthier people can simply pay people to do the things they either don't know how to do or don't want to do. The huge disadvantage of that strategy is that if their money ever dries up they will not only be at a disadvantage because of a lack of skills but also no one is going to feel sorry for them. If their government fails them, they have absolutely nothing.
@aliciagriggs85312 жыл бұрын
I think the reason to forgive somebody is to give yourself peace and get rid of the negativity. I try to stay away from evil people as much as possible.
@ortamatama54792 жыл бұрын
A cautionary tale for all. If someone has intent to kill, forgiveness shall never be given. May she rest in peace.
@iihh5172 жыл бұрын
Not everyone is as dumb as Martha. She got what she deserved. Befriending her mother’s killer 🤦🏻
@theleastofpilgrims33792 жыл бұрын
As a Christian, I have a sacred responsibility to forgive others just as I pray for my own forgiveness. Forgiveness and compassion does not, however, as Dr. Grande pointed out, require us to forget about the offense and ignore the potential danger posed by the person we are forgiving. Forgiveness, practiced in a sane manner that does not entail ignoring risks to personal security or the safety of the general public, is extremely beneficial to individuals, who are relieved from the burden of holding a grudge or the stupid distraction of seeking out revenge, and beneficial to society as the alternative are blood feuds and vendettas. Consider the Middle East, former Yugoslavia in the 1990s, Ireland during the Troubles, et cetera. Such violence can also result from forgiveness coupled with an overabundance of amnesty, for example, the de-criminalization of the NSDAP and the release from prison of Hitler just a few years after he attempted to overthrow through violence the government of Bavaria, and what is worse, allowing him to run for office. That is an example of going beyond forgiveness and into the dangerous realm of rehabilitation of the unrepentant.
@RedFeather112 жыл бұрын
The result of toxic positivity, lack of boundaries... It's time to come to our senses. That is why people should watch such videos to remember reality. "Kill them with kindness." This idea always kill the person behind the thought since the history... Remember Seneca.
@katim26442 жыл бұрын
Once you utter the phrase: "I need you to help me bury a body", just put down the shovel and walk to the police station and turn yourself in.
@anitat97272 жыл бұрын
This is why "rehabilitation" doesn't really work with violent murderers.
@anitat97272 жыл бұрын
@@cht2162 See this case.
@blitzkriegedvanhauten52612 жыл бұрын
Black
@Gabriellakittywitch Жыл бұрын
White
@Gabriellakittywitch Жыл бұрын
Also pink
@anonanonymous2465 Жыл бұрын
Well I mean jail really isn't an attempt to rehabilitate. But yeah, a civilian who would turn to violence so easily, and then try to burn a house to cover their tracks, does not deserve to be a civilian. Too bad he was smart enough to kill himself the second time he got caught
@Cello-Pam2 жыл бұрын
Agreed: Just because I forgive you (you now owe me nothing) doesn't mean I have to trust you
@leylamoody31772 жыл бұрын
Wow! This is definitely a lesson of trust.... you can't always just give trust, it must be earned. And Travis definitely did NOT earn it. Excellent analysis, Dr. Grande! ❤️
@freebirdjackson55112 жыл бұрын
It’s a lesson you need early in life…
@marysylvie20122 жыл бұрын
Martha was wrong. Yes she could have forgiven. But at a distance, a long distance. She did not need to go to such extent as to trust him and to take him back on the property.
@catwrangla90272 жыл бұрын
I'm reading that McKay was a Buddhist, which might explain her actions. What I can't get past is she presumably forgave him for murdering her mother and cousin, or whatever role he played in the crime, but she couldn't forgive him for stealing $10,000 so she fired him? 🤔
@julietrudgill98872 жыл бұрын
One can be compassionate without being a doormat-Buddhist saying.
@kaihuang49702 жыл бұрын
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
@pro_1542 жыл бұрын
I'm Buddhist, you can forgive a threat from your saftey
@kaihuang49702 жыл бұрын
@@pro_154 If you're a Buddhist, you wouldn't care about money either as Buddhists believe our existence is illusory.
@Whol3NothaL3v3l2 жыл бұрын
Wow, I didn't even think about it that way🧐
@ELECTECHNUT2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Dr Grande for sharing this story, even though it contains your arch nemesis, the polygraph! 🤣
@Whol3NothaL3v3l2 жыл бұрын
I have yet to watch one of Dr. Grande's videos in which he does not express his disdain for the use of a polygraphs, each time one is involved.😂
@pyry19482 жыл бұрын
"Travis wasn't the real villain, he just helped burn the bodies and steal the victims property." 🤣
@wiseonwords2 жыл бұрын
Truly epic naïveté!
@elanahammer10762 жыл бұрын
Forgiveness is a gift we can give ourselves when people harm us or do something evil. Yet I do not think it is wise to forget if someone has hurt you, Why? I think they have already shown their true colors and the evil that they are capable of. 🤔❤️🇺🇸
@elle72682 жыл бұрын
Brilliant analysis! Important case study. SAFETY trumps forgiveness and "chances" for willful cruel, dishonest, perpetrators/criminals. SAFETY for crime victims, survivors, and law abiding citizens is more important than forgiveness.
@CoffeeLover-mz7bk2 жыл бұрын
That's what so many people don't realize. Forgiving someone doesn't change them.
@pumpkab002 жыл бұрын
I've been struggling with the concept of forgiveness recently and this video was very helpful, thank you
@JaneDoe-ip5yl2 жыл бұрын
what an incredible story. this would make a good dragged out for 2 hrs dateline
@bellyfulochelly42222 жыл бұрын
😂😂
@sunnycatc64912 жыл бұрын
And then we will hear on Dateline that "she was loved by all, and lighted up the room with her smile" 😁. Seriously, I'm glad I'm not burdened by the misplaced guilt of being a wealthy white heiress in the deep South...I really think she meant well, RIP.
@lynncraig61512 жыл бұрын
I wonder what kind of relationship she had with her Mother . It was forgivable for the Murder of her Mother....but when it came to her own money ....it wasn't.
@mimidebrose2 жыл бұрын
Your humor is awesome! She must have thought he was a angel😂Love this channel and the way you are hilarious and never crack a smile. Awesomeness
@aprilburrows11942 жыл бұрын
Finally, a counselor who understands that victims do NOT have to forgive their perpetrator--nor should they, in many cases.
@kimberlygabaldon32602 жыл бұрын
Why on earth did they only get 28 years for first degree murder? It was just bizarre that Martha would befriend him.
@suzanneflowers22302 жыл бұрын
Martha did not understand the term forgiveness. Travis did not care to repent or be sorry in the slightest for what he'd done. So he wasn't interested at all in being forgiven. Even if he had been, he should still have remained in prison for a very long time.
@BrendaBaBoom2 жыл бұрын
He was only interested in doing the same dirt he’d always done.
@stevemorris2702 жыл бұрын
Boy, getting fired was enough to propel him to another murder despite having been paroled and having the chance to just move on with his life.
@TheFakeyCakeMaker2 жыл бұрын
This story reminds me of the Scorpion and the frog. Forgiveness is not the problem, the problem is what people think forgiveness is. Forgiving someone doesn't: Make what the person did right or okay Mean you have to reconcile with the person Mean you have to be friends with the person or do anything for them Change the person's nature or make them a good person. You can forgive someone while continuing to acknowledge they did wrong. Forgiveness is simply letting go of the emotions that connect you to the events/the situation/the person. Forgiveness is important as holding onto those emotions is unhealthy and can lead to other problems. This is upsetting, Travis was never any good but I wonder how much "do good" behaviour had to do with this, the feeling of pride the family had over helping a "poor black kid." Not everyone is grateful for the help.
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
This unfortunately is VERY true! Needing assistance can leave a person angry and resentful! They can end up hating their benefactor!
@anonanonymous2465 Жыл бұрын
I guess I dont much like the word forgiveness then. It's not really forgiving to me if it doesnt involve some sort of emotional absolution of the person who did wrong. I would just call it "letting them go". So it doesnt feel like youre paying a nicety to someone who did wrong, just ignoring them from your life so they dont bring you down
@Platinum907 Жыл бұрын
Not everyone is grateful for the help indeed.
@potatoman1472 жыл бұрын
This one left me thinking for a while! as an ex felon, he would have had a hard time finding an income to fund his addictions, after being fired by Martha. He was no stranger to prison life, and by then you could say he had nothing to lose. I wouldn't say her ability to forgive his actions backfired on her, however neither do I believe her inability to fully commit to whatever strong force moved her to forgive the man in the first place was her mistake. She failed to appreciate the dangerous nature of the man she was dealing with, and that ignorance claimed her life. How she was able to "move on", and in, with her mothers murderer is beyond me, not to mention how stealing 10k was suddenly crossing the line. some people are beyond redemption, but the best action you can do for yourself is forgive and move on. don't burden yourself with negative emotions, and don't choose to perpetuate the circle of hate! I'm surprised no demons were involved in this one. It's ripe for devilry to claim responsibility if you ask me. Senseless and .treacherous, it paints a picture that is evil.
@kenmore012 жыл бұрын
As a felon, he didn't want to go back to jail. She could have hired anybody to help, why this idiot? While I agree with your statement of not holding onto hate (though that can be hard at times), she should have not trusted him. Maybe she liked him? I don't know. I don't believe in the devil. People make their own paths. This guy left an evil one. She left a foolish one.
@zetaforever49532 жыл бұрын
If he was trying to fuel his addictions, then didn't he have EVERYTHING to lose by going back to jail? Where would he find those hard drugs in jail? How'd he pay for them, even if they were available? I don't think he was killing people for a pack of cigarettes.
@nickyblue48662 жыл бұрын
@@zetaforever4953 drugs are easier to get in prison then they are on the street. There are ways you can pay for them in the pen.
@knowyourlove56132 жыл бұрын
I used to be extremely codependent, seeing the best in everybody…which was really magical thinking I saw what I wanted to see. What really turned it around for me: being a supportive of people who are abusive or manipulative i become an accessory to their drama/ abuse. I also realized it’s extremely narcissistic of me to think my love, time, supportive words and thoughts can change anybody.
@moniqueloomis97722 жыл бұрын
So relatable.
@JohnDoe-gq3tm2 жыл бұрын
Same!
@anonanonymous2465 Жыл бұрын
I dont think its narcsisstic to think that, i think you've been driven to overindividualism. Everyone can be helped by love and kind words, you dont need to be special to help.
@alsmith98532 жыл бұрын
Murdering her mom was forgivable to her, stealing money was not? I'm having a hard time understanding her philosophy. That said the parole board is weird too. 10 years apiece for two murders? SMFH
@annal73642 жыл бұрын
Just a reminder I’m not putting words in Dr. G’s mouth, only saying I believe he thinks it best to love from a few light years away in a situation like this. ✨
@MBoldman502 жыл бұрын
"When people show you who they are, believe them.:
@OldHeathen19632 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this video. When I forgive, i end up forgetting. I feel empthy and compassion. I have confused this with Trust way to many times. I got burnt as a result.
@vb88012 жыл бұрын
Always love your content Dr. Grande! I appreciate that you split things into the story, then your analysis.
@trfaison Жыл бұрын
In my opinion, Martha's reaction is a result of "white guilt" at its finest, she must have believed that Travis' resentment and entitlement that permitted him to commit the crimes was reasonable. As a Christian I understand forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean trusting a person. One should expect people to be who they know them to be; they are what they show you.
@teastrainer36042 жыл бұрын
Many people go out of the way to forgive someone who hasn't even asked to be forgiven. Why would you do that? Nature is ruthless, and it punishes the naive. Many psychopaths justify their actions by saying that naive people deserve what they do to them.
@ScothMcBeast2 жыл бұрын
Lately I've been watching Dr. Grande videos to help me sleep. Not to say that these videos are boring but something about the steady form of delivery does the trick, and I pick older videos that have a lighter tone. I guess Dr. Grande videos are working as I understand some antidepressants do - in intended use they lift my mood but in right dosage they help me sleep. I'll take that medicine, thank you.
@pezeron242 жыл бұрын
This is a very depressing fact about human beings: they always put (what they see as) their best interest forward.
@tbthommie2 жыл бұрын
There's a surplus of ppl like Martha who mean well, but unknowingly put their community at risk to give these punks second chances. I know this because I was one of those punks. I would've continued hurting ppl had I not been caught. No, I stayed behind bars for years and learn my lessons the hard way. We too soft on crime today, nobody learning they lessons like when I was a kid
@wiseonwords2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing. I hope people read your comment and learn from it.
@jv-ep2tc2 жыл бұрын
torturing someone in prison [by lack of safety] is not the way to turn a person into an upstanding citizen.
@anonanonymous2465 Жыл бұрын
@@jv-ep2tc True, but we dont have infinite energy to spend training people who have already shown themselves to be bad people. We should invest that energy into good students, not criminals.
@jv-ep2tc Жыл бұрын
@@anonanonymous2465 that is short sighted. we share the planet with "bad people" and if any sort of intervention can put someone on a better path, it is money well spent. right now, we are getting no return on investment. there are people that know how to do this. i suspect the system is too corrupt to want such change.
@westernhemisphere2205 Жыл бұрын
For giving and befriending the cold-blooded murderer of your own mother is definitely beyond reason.. it's just stupid.
@notsureiL Жыл бұрын
She believed he was innocent
@cindynimmo Жыл бұрын
Chilling and cautionary.
@shirleyhyland43082 жыл бұрын
Sometimes ppl can’t handle extreme loss and grief. To forgive such a heinous act gives the victim some sense of control over their emotions and a self deceiving handle on the situation.
@procioneintubato2 жыл бұрын
A trusting nature is key, but the lack of education on subjects such as psychopathy and narcissism also plays a role in cases like this. Which is why channels like Dr. Grande’s are a gift to the human race.
@LMCEK2 жыл бұрын
This hit a little close to home. Not the murder part. The wanting and believing and needing a psychopath to change part. Toxic empathy. It sucks.
@carminedies34812 жыл бұрын
Don't be swayed. Forgiveness is a super power. It's a complex matter though.
@NotChefCook2 жыл бұрын
@@cht2162 - Nope !
@Pigracer2 жыл бұрын
@@carminedies3481 no such thing with narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths unfortunately.
@carminedies34812 жыл бұрын
@@Pigracer Nope. Search up Victims father forgives Gary Ridgeway.
@freebirdjackson55112 жыл бұрын
It’s ultimately a narcissistic mindset to think “I’m the one” who can change a psychopath or a violent person
@katehack16772 жыл бұрын
So Travis passes 3 polygraphs and failed the 4th? What if he'd passed 4 or 5 times? Doesn't seem fair that you keep testing until they eventually "fail" - probably due to stress or annoyance at that point. Kinda proves how meaningless polygraphs really are.
@Jenn-ie5vf2 жыл бұрын
But he was guilty so technically he should have failed the first time but didn't. Just shows how stupid polygraphs are. Why they haven't been gotten rid of an pseudo science by now is beyond me
@katehack16772 жыл бұрын
@@Jenn-ie5vf Yep I don't get it either given that the results aren't even admissible in court (for good reasons!). Police seem to use them just to try and leverage a confession. If you refuse to take one they'll say "oh well, guess you must have something to hide".
@Jenn-ie5vf2 жыл бұрын
@@katehack1677 Agreed. That's when you know you better get a lawyer LOL I know I wouldn't ever agree to one. They shouldn't even be a valid option in 2022
@kenmore012 жыл бұрын
If you talk to an agent about a flight or a payment (depending upon who you are dealing with) or a store or any government agency etc., It always depends upon who you talk to. Same here, ask enough times, you get the answer you're looking for.
@jhozthron44152 жыл бұрын
Its wierd that he changed his story after the 4th failed test, he could of just mentioned he passed the previous 3 which pretty much would discredit the 4th regardless of outcome.
@garyamador6902 жыл бұрын
“ that seemed like it was a bad idea to many people who knew Martha, mostly because of the part that Travis had killed Martha’s mother” so sad but this made me crack up a little…
@betterbee13042 жыл бұрын
Glad to have the time off so that I can tune in. Thanks for the video Dr. Grande! You certainly keep busy!
@JMo22552 жыл бұрын
Dr. Grande working hard on his grind, averaging 2 videos a day now 😯
@cottontails90032 жыл бұрын
Great analysis Dr Grande . Once again you really have a calm and demeanor, this is such a sad case. I totally agree with your analysis . Thank you Dr Grande .Brilliant analysis and topic. Hope you have a great day .
@bar90922 жыл бұрын
I doubt Martha neglected to report the $10,000 theft to police out of charitable feelings toward Travis. I believe she felt like an idiot for trusting him. Having put her self-image on the line by forgiving and trusting Travis, she was too proud to admit she was wrong. She didn't want to hear all the "I told you so's", so she handled it privately by firing him. I agree she didn't appreciate how dangerous Travis was, but as they say "pride goeth before the fall". Martha fell pretty hard due to her pride. In my view she was as selfish as Travis in her way. She turned Travis into a holy mission, and invested herself in the righteousness of that mission. She refused to see her mission as flawed, and when she could no longer deny it to herself, tried to hide it from others.
@nickyblue48662 жыл бұрын
Exactly
@moniqueloomis97722 жыл бұрын
Great analysis.
@nebulanigrimleonis38832 жыл бұрын
Forgiving your mothers killer, then giving him a job... Isn't that the ultimate act of a narcissist or someone that really wanted her mother dead?
@eadweard.2 жыл бұрын
No.
@bellyfulochelly42222 жыл бұрын
I was thinking that as well--maybe she actually wanted her mom dead. Bc she was so supportive of him after he killed her mom, but when he stole her money, she immediately fired him. 🤔 Makes it seem like she valued her money more than she valued her mother's life.
@cherylhaskell98302 жыл бұрын
Your analysis interesting and informative: words of wisdom and caution.
@ivandovranic58342 жыл бұрын
"Why did you bit me, I saved you from dying!" "You knew I am a snake, fool." - end of the tale told by an old Native to his grandson, in "Natural Born Killers"
@yemiojo22652 жыл бұрын
How could she be this naive. Some human beings are vultures, they can never become an eagle!
@bebreyes47662 жыл бұрын
Cool shirt! Glad you’re jazzing it up! Those plain shirts don’t do a thing for you! Thanks!
@brooklynbarbie68552 жыл бұрын
How in the world did he think he would get away with that second near identical murder?! I hope he and people like him will have a special place they will get sent to eventually, until than with crazy madmen in prison will do just fine. Those traits are way scary and makes an evil human being, and we can’t live amongst garbage like that.
@batacumba2 жыл бұрын
Sadly I think he was so short-sighted and impulsive, motivated by fueling his addictions that he probably had no long-term plan. It’s depressing people like this exist. He was where he belonged when he was in jail, though jail probably didn’t help his addiction in any way. Doesn’t seem like he was a good candidate for being reformed.
@annalisegiovanni70322 жыл бұрын
Hello Dr. Grande 🤗 Thank you for the new video & thank you for all the hard work you ALWAYS put into everything & anything that has your name on it! You're one of a kind & there's no doubt that they broke the mold when they made you. Indeed they did.
@Flamsterette2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for the upload!
@azaleasmart64552 жыл бұрын
Thank you for another great analysis. Travis had no empathy and Martha had too much empathy.
@kathycochran5442 жыл бұрын
Thanks again Dr. Grande, always enjoy your take on these stories. This story was definitely different. I would like to ask your opinion on how our country could stop the shootings in our schools. Another happened just today . Thanks again.
@Koozomec2 жыл бұрын
USA better have to focuse on fixing the health (both physical and mental) system and internal issue rather than focusing on controling homeland population and export wars. It will be very pro active. ❤
@aalvarez29142 жыл бұрын
I respect you Dr. Grande and appreciate your analysis. I know I don’t always agree but I still respect and appreciate your analysis.
@MrUtopianDellusions2 жыл бұрын
I always imagine the Doc reacting in a calm measured fashion to almost any situation. Like I can imagine one of these videos starting off with a raging fire on one side of the screen, with the doc looking into the camera as normal, opening the video with something along the lines of “hello this is Doctor Grande, todays question is, who started this fire in my house, and how concerned should I be about the speed at which it is spreading?”
@mr.iforgot30622 жыл бұрын
People do not realize how much of an evil, violent and twisted world we live in.
@ameliakater73572 жыл бұрын
Wow this one puts new mean to "forgive but never forget". Excellence as always Dr.
@masi55992 жыл бұрын
Love your content and learning a lot. Thank you Dr Grande!
@nickyblue48662 жыл бұрын
I guess murdering ones parents is one thing but stealing 10k... that's the line!
@kathywright73952 жыл бұрын
Kindness is seen as weakness often. She naively thought she could be his “savior “. That is a delusion that is often experienced by Christian’s and very kind naive people. I am a Christian and I understand fully the pull to pour your forgiveness out as a cure. It is not. Forgiving is a beautiful thing. Trusting and pretending that the person you forgave is a changed person because YOU forgave them is foolish.
@rhondasisco-cleveland26652 жыл бұрын
Gullible, woman who wanted to be a savior. Is that a need to feel special, and important?
@bthomson2 жыл бұрын
Some commenters are suggesting that she was also guilty?
@roxannespahr28042 жыл бұрын
I look forward to these videos every day 😀
@deconyus34122 жыл бұрын
Im mostly shocked by the drowning. Did not expect that. He survived a car flipping over, jumping out a window, but died after jumping in a lake. Did he know he would drown or overestimate his abilities?
@nickyblue48662 жыл бұрын
Black ppl cant swim silly
@sailguy20102 жыл бұрын
Oh man, this is a very sad story. Killed by a three time loser.
@plasticweapon2 жыл бұрын
forgiveness is a social industry. and like all social industries, it's a scam.
@anonanonymous2465 Жыл бұрын
All social industries are a scam. I like it, very succinct
@claudinejames77312 жыл бұрын
Ah, drugs again. The difference between the sober side and the drugged side of a person can cause those around the drug user to be confused about how much trust is warrented. I really appreciate these analysis because so many of us don't know how to rcognize a dangerous situation when we see it. Invaluable information from you as our society needs to learn a lot very quickly in these times. This particular vid was helpful to me. I guess sometimes we can think we have a magical power to help someone if we are just nice enough. I know I have had that delusion, so thank you for another good reminder tojust keep at a distance and don't ever re-engage with an offender.
@skycloud48022 жыл бұрын
There's a high correlation between drugs and both violence and aggression sadly. I'm not saying all drug users are inherently harmful to others, but it's wise to take it as a red flag.
@nickyblue48662 жыл бұрын
He wasnt on drugs tho when he commited the first murders
@anonanonymous2465 Жыл бұрын
Bah, you dont need drugs to have insanity. Plenty of people are completely unstable and unreliable even when sober, and plenty of great minds have been chronically addicted to drugs
@john_blues2 жыл бұрын
Always good stuff, Dr. Grande. Great point about compassion/forgiveness and trust.
@coolcat8b2 жыл бұрын
I read some place: people are trying to tell you who they are by their actions, listen. No one can magically "think" someone into becoming someone one else. Just listen and act accordingly towards them.
@jaymike33022 жыл бұрын
Almost makes you wonder if she was glad to receive her inheritance early.
@CALISUPERSPORT Жыл бұрын
Zero sympathy. She too betrayed her bond to her mother by forgiving and aiding the murderer.
@easttowest59842 жыл бұрын
Forgiveness is one thing. Stupidly is another. Most people love their parents too much to shack up with their killer.
@trevor_mason_reed2 жыл бұрын
Forgiveness should be earned, not given
@mariaevans57932 жыл бұрын
Martha was most probably a kind compassionate person,who had great empathy,but she was unfortunately naive when it came to Travis,if someone is capable of stealing and burning bodies ,than your compassion and empathy is misguided,Dr Grande is right some people are capable of change,but not this type of person,they are bad and they stay bad, unfortunately in this world you have to be realistic that goodness and kindness are not enough,some people just see you as a soft touch, Martha realised to late ,and payed a high price for her kindness,she didn't realise how dangerous he could be,Travis got what he deserved,but Martha yes was naive but she did not deserve her fate!!!!!!😳🇬🇧
@6068089092 жыл бұрын
Hope all is well Dr. love the videos
@brycearmstrong28912 жыл бұрын
Sure, she may have been brutally murdered but she did get her 'power back', which is what sanctimonious people assure me is most important thing. Also, notice that the dumb broad drew the line when it comes to having her money stolen, not the death of her own mother or 2 other innocent people. Obviously, a pious member of the congregation . I hope this inspires all of us to become more forgiving in our day to day lives. Amen
@julietrudgill98872 жыл бұрын
Perhaps she finally woke up to him, but by then it was too late.
@shanequigley75522 жыл бұрын
This guy is an absolute legend
@puppiesarepower36822 жыл бұрын
Some people are all too eager to forgive. And all too eager to hold on to petty grudges, hence their need to "forgive".