Free Rent Isn't Worth Toxic Parents

The Dad You Never Had: theclareyschoolofeconomicphil...
Adult Children: www.amazon.com/Adult-Children...

[@77tr776]

The proudest moment of my life was 3 years ago when I walked out on my mom in the middle of bitching at me. I said “If you don’t stop insulting me, I’m going to get up, get in MY car, and go to MY apartment and never speak to you again.” When she didn’t take me seriously and kept on bitching I made good on my promise and left. A week later after her being truly alone she called me apologizing and begging me to move back in. I blocked all contact and my life has never been better.

[@jamesdeegan7365]

thats crazy because i did the same thing 3 and a half years ago, so 6 months before you! and for the same reason, she just stormed it and started a argument for no reason so i just found a rental and left, it was a "i am sick of this shit" moment and i have only had a few of those moments but each time its always been whats needed, except i didnt block her because i wanted her to continue sending threats and crap to my phone so i have more evidance against her

[@johnfroelich8554]

Obviously, she doesn't have financial control over you

[@justchill4885]

Did the same thing with my mother, they're the type of women that don't understand the repercussions of their bitchy attitude until they learn the hard way.

[@justsomeguy6336]

I’m about to do that with my dad.

[@BJN411]

Salute. 🎉

[@thispersonrighthere9024]

i hate how our society expects children to forgive their parents for whatever trauma they have caused.

[@Visstnok]

It's not free if you're paying by being their scapegoat and emotional punching bag. I almost got trapped in that cycle. The issue is that the parents rob you of what little drive you have to get away. Thankfully I got a spark of motivation from somewhere else, which I capitalized on and got away for good. I'd rather sleep in a hammock in the woods than to live with parents ever again. Same with roommates, actually. Wish you luck, man!

[@atypicalbrotha9379]

Okay, this one is another classic. You took the asshole in "asshole consulting," to a whole new level. Bravo sir, 😂😂😂😂

[@BuildingMakingDoing]

I too was groomed to be a pussy. Simply put, it was so father would have a willing (sniveling) servant. The day I moved out, he learned to respect me.

[@redfolgers2233]

theres a species of squirel where the father bites off his sons nuts so he wont have competition. some humans fathers have this instinct too.

[@BanalLayman]

When being under the boot of narcissists and psychopaths is all one knows, nothing is more repulsive than the lack thereof. Tends to be pretty common when you have multiple generations of "people" that don't know what discipline is.

[@bonsecore1624]

My son and I have been homeless and living out of our car while working two jobs so we don't have to live with a family that hate's our guts. We are getting a cheap rental office space to put our computers and our couch in storage in. The sad life my son and I see our the family members that make six and seven figures who only want to help other family members who support their narrative. My son's grandmother refuses to talk to him because he is studying A.I. engineering and learning to be a TwinMotion Designer [all on a scholarship]. My son still has the plan of just farting into the phone and sending it to his grandmother and aunt when the time come.

[@MinistryofOtaku]

Grandma won't talk to your son because your son is studying AI engineering? I do not understand why

[@bonsecore1624]

@@MinistryofOtaku My son's grandmother is afraid of technology.

[@MinistryofOtaku]

@@bonsecore1624 yet as soon as your son earns any money from working in a AI job she will make a bee line to your son to get money from him.

[@SquarishLink]

@@bonsecore1624 right or wrong tech is coming, and it's not the tech she should be afraid of its whoever controls the tech is who should be feared. I highly encourage poor/middle class families to get into tech, the more good o' boys in tech the better chance we have with rooting out the current toxic culture and rebuilding a better world.

[@youtubeviolatedme7123]

Sounds rough, and I hope things will get better. But if you guys are consistently able to make ends meet, then I think you did the right thing by leaving that family. So long as you aren't actively harming yourself in the process, the independence both of you have gained is far more valuable than whatever familial support comes at the cost of restricting the way you wish to live.

[@tedlogan4867]

Yes. Toxic parents can also take the form of enabling and mollycoddling an adult "child". Engage with yourself, make your own food, take care of your laundry, choose your own furniture, and set your own schedule. Being an adult and not taking care of yourself while making excuses that you can't afford to be on your own... at what cost to you, especially as a man? I'd rather live in a tent or under a bushcraft lean-to than share living space with my parents.

[@user-ot2do1ee7k]

you should write a bookabout it

[@tedlogan4867]

@@user-ot2do1ee7k Not the first time I've heard this. Hmmm, it gives one pause.

[@jackdeniston59]

The reality is that toxic parents have had you all your life. Toxic from birth. Our 'normal' is so messed up, keep going.

[@SquarishLink]

Not everyone who lives with their parents is lazy and has no job. I worked 3 part time jobs while i was in university for my bachelors of engineering. I was a peer tutor, server admin and a lab monitor. Mind you the server admin and lab monitor were done at the same time as i was clever about it. But in the end even though i was never home, the only downtime i did have over the 4 years was spent listening to my parents scream put holes in walls and kick down doors. Its been 5 years since i have lived with them and too this day i cannot deal with women as i seem to attract that type and i always fucking always abandon them and kick their ass to the curb. Im thinking of just staying alone forever tbh. While i have no debt and i make a lot of fucking money, i find myself without purpose and i ask myself if i instead went the blue collar route if i would have had better luck in the dating world and had started a family. While its not too late for me the damage done by continuing to live with them has had a significant negative effect on my mental psyche to the point where it causes me to have little trust in others.

[@oryan7420]

Good luck to you brother

[@SquarishLink]

@@oryan7420 thanks man

[@ApriliaRacer14]

Do NOT get married. Do NOT.

[@smithrr6]

Dude you have a bachelors in engineering. This is awesome!!! Go for your PE license also, It's alot of studying, but well worth it in the long run by the time you are in mid-late career. Get the FE and PE exam done now while you are single. If you are sick of western women, get your passport and become a passport bro for dating/marriage. Don;t let these American bitches shame you into dating them. They will say things like "You went overseas because you were rejected by your own women...nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh". say right back to them verbatim "listen bitch, you American bitches are bitches and you fuck every Chad and Tyrone that walks past you. I'm not interested in your kind... now make like a tree, and leave"

[@SquarishLink]

@@ApriliaRacer14 yeah, im coming to that conclusion. I attract women with NPD or BPD, because it seems familiar and oddly attractive. Not going to lie im pretty much fucked.

[@Stanthemilkman]

You'll never really grow up mentally if you stay at your parents.

[@BOSSDONMAN]

Sounds like the guy for this request lives in a LCOL country while getting paid (though rather little by American standards) in American dollars

[@redfolgers2233]

facts. its insidious too.. u dont think its affecting u but it is subconsciously ruining u

[@redfolgers2233]

facts. its insidious too.. u dont think its affecting u but it is subconsciously ruining u

[@Stanthemilkman]

@redfolgers2233 you can't help but to regress as to a more child like state. You can't grow. You can feel more pathetic overall. I moved back for a year before I bought a place when separated. Fucked with my head, was a senior engineer at the time probs better rent again. But got deposit for house together easy in that easy and moved asap.

[@BOSSDONMAN]

@@redfolgers2233 I'm living at home right now. It ain't great, but I think a lot of it really depends on your relationship dynamic with your parents.

[@jaylaw.7660]

💯💯💯 moving out in a couple months, Aaron. Love you!

[@DJ239]

omg Clarey you are so funny 😂You should become the modern drill sergeant my entire generation needs.

[@metaldisector6701]

I moved out from my parents on my 18th birthday. Now I’m 42 and have no regrets. I would do it the same over and over again.

[@thelasttellurian]

Finding a reliable job so I can get out of my house was my prime motivation since age 12. It gave me the motivation to suffer through high reduction and a very stressful job. In a strange way, my parents were my best drive in life - just not in the way it was supposed to be. (Also it made me not trust anyone else, which I found out about from the book "Running On Empty" highly recommended)

[@jaylaw.7660]

Great book you recommended! Lindsay C. Gibson❤️

[@jaylaw.7660]

Perfect timing!

[@Gwer98]

I say go ahead and abandon your family. You feel so much better.

[@SlopJedi]

Lol meanwhile I’m saving 50k annually living at home. I’ll probably retire near 35 and live off dividends. I’ll let y’all “adults” pay your master’s rent and mortgages for the next 30 years so you can “get a gf” and eventually get a divorce.

[@buickkkkkk1]

My proudest moment is when I walked away from a soul sucking job to take care of my dying mother there are many circumstances why people stay home. Evey relationship is toxic eventually, but love covers a multitude of sins.

[@degenrips]

You are a good son.

[@randolphschreiner4479]

Some parents see their kids as a retirement plan. There are costs to living on one's own. But living in peace allows you to focus on what is good for you. Even if it takes longer to get to where you want to be, you will have differentiated and have become a man. Even you mess up again in the future, you know the steps to get back on your feet.

[@Eee00123]

Gettem Cappy 🔥😂

[@kenrose2523]

You're aware Cappy, that renting your own place is not exactly affordable(even for rooms have gone up an arm and a leg).

[@CarlosDelgado-br9qg]

I tend to really like what Aaron Clarey says on a lot of subjects. But in this video, he fails to notice the complex issue related to narcissistic parenting. It is impossible to explain what is narcissism, codependency, childhood trauma, emotional and psychoilogical abuse, parental abandonment and neglect, to those who, fortunately, have never experienced these situations. It's like trying to explain the color red to someone blind from birth! Many who are "hostages", for years on end, in highly dysfunctional families, are not aware of what is happening to them until too late. Someone realizing the reasons for this dysfunctionality, namely codependency, is a real psychological "red pill". And, unfortunately, these situations cannot be solved by simply "getting a job"...

[@Oxnate]

That's just excuses. Cappy doesn't care about your excuses, because at the end of the day, everyone just needs to make better choices despite whatever their situation is.

[@alisaforster28691]

​@@Oxnate saying something is an excuse is usually an attempt to achieve behavioral change by shame. And i get it. Its not bad. But you need to understand, if you dont know what is happening to you, it is the wrong attempt. Take for example the case of josef fritzl's daughter. She was held prisoner in the cellar for 20 years, having the children of her father. When interviewed, she talked about it like it was nothing. Psychokogists said it will take years before she will realize what happened to her.

[@mrghostly1118]

I'll be honest with you, cappy is kicking him in the nuts with to this advice, and many people who ask for his advice, are people who know him some way or form, not personally, but in association of his work. This, is what he payed for, making me realise, that it isn't just some 'get just a job' but, keep it simple and get your head out of the sand, because victims of abuse, who get abused, when they really down, they will look for change, but to finalize said change, it requires a little push, this person payed, having a financial incentive, and a choice to make, who else will pull this age old guy from his pathetic life? No one but himself.

[@CarlosDelgado-br9qg]

@@Oxnate We can only make good choices if... we have choices and we know what each option entails. Only those who go through certain situations know what these situations are. If you don't know, don't invent...

[@Oxnate]

None of you replying to me understand this channel.

[@sagatuppercut2960]

If I could start over again, I've live with my parents for 5 years, get a job, save up my money, invest my money in tech stocks, and buy a cheap house.

[@jamesburke2094]

the subject of lying abusive parents and other adults is the number 1 most important subject that people will not speak of.... ...incidentally, companies do abuse staff, knowing the predicament that their staff face at home, knowing that staff coming from those situations need a solution and take advantage, lying too, on top of the abusive lying parent....

[@ipreferfreedom162]

I don't want to diss what Cappy has said because he talks a lot of sense but I would like to add to it. I think it is worthwhile getting some kind of therapy if you can. I was from a bullying narcissist and abusive family & I went through therapy twice once for about 4 and a half years and then about 18 months after that ended I went back to deal with some more rubbish for a couple more years. The therapy today for me is like armour protecting me & although I am still in touch with some members of the family their rubbish does not impact me today as it did. One of the things that my therapist advocated to me was writing to my folks about my feelings on their conduct and this has improved things for me. I would take Cappy's course & I would move out to a studio but I would also try and find a therapist but as was touched upon in the video some councellors and therapists are not very good so beware. A good support network is invaluable so keep coming back here & let us know how you do

[@JenniferNidiffer-kl8zb]

You could tell the adult kids to help out around the house. Dishes, laundry, dinner, mow lawn.. They live rent free for goodness sake while the parents are working full time and would like to come home to a peaceful home without constant boo hooing about how hard it is. These kids need to be grateful they have somewhere to go. Why am I working so hard when they only bring stress and do nothing. It’s all about their feelings I guess… You all enable them.

[@thiccactus]

Free rent? I pay them market value lmfao.

[@mrghostly1118]

No one cares enough about older but young men, and its their choice to kick the bucket or make a choice to pull themselves out of their misery. Many boys and men know this, and this is why harsh advice which is kept simple can be helpful. Other higher physiological issues can be taken under a licensed professional, but many licensed professionals won't give the harsh advice, the true with no sugarcoating, but with the idea to fix things slowly, to mentally fix them or give some stuff to consume to numb it.

[@johnq.public2621]

😃👍👏👏👏

[@tedskins]

The biggest lie being sold to young people right now is "live with your parents and save for a house". Unless you're drowning in student loans, get out of your parents house. I've seen several of my friends go that route and they have zero social life. They're completely wasting their 20s just for money and it's sad. Good luck trying to have a gf if you live with your parents, doesn't matter how good your job is, no girl will want you. So you end up saving a little more money, but in the end it's not even worth it cause now you're 30+ and you have no friends or a wife/family to move into the house with. Don't throw away your 20s so you can save on rent. Don't be stupid, but don't comprise everything just to save money. You only live once, you don't get to take your money with you when you die, so you might as well spend it(responsibly)

[@metalrocker627]

Grownups do not live with there parents. Only little Children do.

[@TurbhoeHDRemix]

I wouldn't say abusive but I got tired of my parents. They charged me a ridiculous amount of rent, had rules I didn't like, and went through my room and stuff. Also didn't like that I was LGBTQ it seemed. I'm like, I hate these rules, I hate that they go through my stuff and personal questions about who I dated or what gender I was, and there was practically no advantage to staying there since I paid more in rent to stay there than the surrounding area. It got to the point I was like, " there's no point in staying here, especially the way transitioning is going." I had some money saved but they decided to charge me so much in rent that if I couldn't move out soon idk how long it'd take me to save up again. They were fucking me over financially and when I told them they didn't wanna hear it

[@DaemonForce]

HFS this guy is annoying. Is there any point in that 36m where he's funny? Asking for a friend (it's me).