From Oppressive Cult to Ex-Mormon Powerhouse ft.

Episode 2: The fabulous and funny Carah, ‪@CarahBurrell‬ , joins us and walks us through her Mormon story. From a chaotic home life, to classic patriarchy, she realized the traumas that some people were facing due to the Mormon church. Listen to her recount never-before-told-stories of reclaiming her power spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally!
Find her on social media!
KZbin: ‪@CarahBurrell‬
www. nuancehoe
www.tiktok.com/@nuancehoe
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[@CarahBurrell]

Thanks for having me! Loved this chat!!

[@CultstoConsciousness]

You’re the best! Thanks for coming on and sharing the most vulnerable parts of your life! Your story will no doubt help other people, as well as your awesome content! ❤️ love you, girl!

[@marquitaarmstrong399]

Both of you were great. Good tag team. Thank you so much.

[@donnaburden.dip.d.analysis2148]

Great video, keep up the great work. Big 🤗 hugs and lots of love. Xx

[@TheForestCrone]

Thank you for being so open and honest, Ms. Hoe. I really appreciate you giving a voice to others who have had similar experiences. It's also amazing that you had a great experience with the church but still found your way out. Congrats on everything! Also I am so, so incredibly jealous of your handle. 🤣

[@draxthemsklonst]

You mentioned the music you listened to while giving birth to your daughters, I wanted to ask if you had listened to Parabol & Parabola?

[@BlueLemons_96]

"When am I gonna get to the core of me, and stop peeling back layers of mormonism that aren't mine," - Shelisa at 18:30 I just found your channel, and even as a never-mo, that statement really spoke to my experience as an ex-christian. I am 3 years out and still peeling back layers and finding things that aren't me, just doctrine my old religion taught me. I actually peeled one/had a realization as I was watching your episode with your Mom. She was expressing her frustration with being told that she should have faith like a child instead of questioning the church, which iirc derives from Jesus teaching that people who believe like children will enter the kingdom of heaven (I'm paraphrasing). I never realized how messed up that was until your Mom said "I'm an adult, how am I supposed to do that?"

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Hi! Thank you so much for sharing that! I'm so happy what she said made and impact and clicked with you. I love when certain things just make sense and give us that "ah-hah" moment of clarity. Thanks for being here!

[@donnaburden.dip.d.analysis2148]

When I went into labour I didn't have much pain killers apart from pain killers and a morphine injection. I connected spiritually speaking. My husband to be said the nurses lost me as my blood pressure and heart rate dropped dangerously low. I then seen my son soul leave my body and was going back to spirit. I then shouted spiritually "No, not again" Spiritually I grabbed my sons soul and finally pushed him out. He is now 11 years old. I lost two daughters. I suffer for endometriosis stage 4. So our son is our miracle baby. Xx

[@CultstoConsciousness]

wow, that is an intense story. I'm sorry for your loss and happy for your miracle baby!

[@Totes_ma_Goat]

She's so beautiful! Its inspiring watching all these people on here rise above their past.

[@103years]

Thanks for giving your guest lots of space to talk! It shouldn't keep surprising me how many deeply spiritual and committed mormons are actually the ones to leave. Honestly, I'm blown away that its me who's left out of my many of my friends in the church. I was so hardcore (dedicated) right up until a left, and many of my friends who were less intense about it are still in. Also can totally relate to the filament burning out. Once I crossed the threshold of not believing there was no turning back, it wasn't a choice. Loved hearing about Carah's "Jesus Freak" phase and appreciated her perspective on her husbands church experience. Also, yay mushrooms!

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Hi John! Thanks for listening. Yes exactly. It's the deeply committed ones who end up "search ponder and pray"-ing the most, then finding the troubling info!

[@TheCerealluvr]

I'm sitting here, autistic, and wondering what it was like as Carah's brother experiencing all this.

[@kentthalman4459]

Twenty+ years ago when I left the church, I looked for a replacement religion. They all seemed whacky to me. Five years later I was agnostic. Another five years I would evolve to agnostic atheist. Today, I relate to fundamental teachings of various indigenous natives around our earth and how we need to treat it.

[@elizabethwoodyard8241]

We really were all BAMBOOZLED! That's the perfect word to describe it.

[@rockytreadway]

I love Carah! Thank you for giving her space!

[@CultstoConsciousness]

So do I! Of course! She was awesome

[@sydneychristensen2058]

Lol Cara saying she couldn't handle going into a church building knowing that everyone there has been duped and is just completely unaware of basic factual info about the context of the BoM and Joseph's time -- I feel that so hard. I left right after high school due to my sexuality and discovered the CES letter two years later which sent me on a huge faith crisis of sorts even tho I already knew the church was BS. Having all that overt proof of it being made up just sent me over the edge. My sister got married shortly after and my skin crawled the entire time I had to sit in the waiting room of that temple building. I still get incredibly uncomfortable in churches of all kinds bc I just feel that everyone running them, regardless of whether they do it on purpose or not, is just trying to exert control over the members. I can't lol. I honestly still struggle with leveling with Mormons at all and it's been 3 years since I read the CES letter. Thanks for this, I've never listened to ur podcast but saw this cuz I follow Cara and I loved this convo between y'all!

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Yaaaaas! That feeling is SO real once the filter comes off. I still feel it too. It's probably never going to go away for me. Thanks for listening! I'm going to have lots more stories of cults (not just mormonism) on here so if you are into that stuff, stick around! Would love to have you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[@patricianoel7782]

You might want to read “RoughStone Rolling “ by Richard Bushman. It’s a great biography of Joseph Smith and the origins of the Mormon church. Well documented written I. 2008. Just a thought.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Oh! Yes I’ve heard about that book. I need to add it to the list. Have you read “under the banner of heaven”? The tv show did a GREAT job, but the book is just **chef’s kiss**

[@sydneychristensen2058]

@@CultstoConsciousness I started under the banner of heaven and it was sooo accurate to Mormon culture it was scary, haven't finished yet cuz it was heavy but I agree, so good!

[@Whatiftheresmore1314]

@@patricianoel7782 Susan Easton Black, a Mormon Church historian, came with Richard Bushman… World historian to my husbands employment. His employers were able to ask them both questions about their work. Richard Bushman admitted to not being a church historian but a world historian expert. He admitted to using resources to write Rough Stone Rolling that were known to be proven as anti Mormon resources sold as authentic historical resources. He wished he had known it at the time, but has not corrected or updated his book. It’s all good though, because God knows all truth. He knows all His creations and their hearts. He will have an accounting accordingly. ☀️

[@BlessYourHeart254]

I’m a never-mo and 50-something, but grew up in the Deep South so can relate to the repression. And like you two, I couldn’t stay in my box either (though my family didn’t shove religion down my throat thankfully but the social environment wasn’t conducive to questioning evangelical Protestant Christianity). I’m so sorry you both were sexually abused 😢 I was lucky in that I didn’t have that to deal with. I just remember thinking when I was young that if I had to live within prescribed gender roles as they were then, I’d better just hang it up now. I moved to a larger city at 17 and loved that no one really cared much about if you went to church. I moved again later to a smaller city where I still live, which makes me chafe at times, but the advantage of being over 50 is that you cease to care what others think of you. It’s very liberating especially for women. Glad to see you young ladies growing into your own. ❤

[@nataliescott5594]

Love Carah! This was a wonderful, informative, and interesting conversation.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Thank you, Natalie! @nuancehoe is the best. Can't wait to do it again!

[@djdingwall1]

I really enjoyed listening to you both chat together. Hearing someone else’s perspective is eye-opening.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Thanks Donna! It's always so interesting to hear other people's perspectives and stories. On one hand they are usually soooo similar and on the other, so different.

[@markkrispin6944]

Outstanding guest to have on your podcast. Nuancehoe is great.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Thanks, mark! Yes she is. I definitely plan to have her back soon!

[@LadyQuotes]

This is so interesting! I'm going back to check out all your videos, so excited for your content!

[@saraeshelman6735]

I started watching you a little while ago but I decided I wanted to start over and watch your videos from the beginning so I just got done with your first video and on to your second! Love your videos and how much you want help others! Can't wait to watch all your videos!

[@theamondshappyhomestead422]

I ❤ your explanation of peeling back the layers! I'm out of what I understand now to be more fundamental "freewill baptist." Only a couple years out of religion completely. It feels endless to figure all of this out. I ❤ your ability to use humor to cope!!

[@benjamenchiids7418]

Great work. Loved it.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Thank you! More to come!

[@albin2232]

This was a real treat 😀

[@CarahBurrell]

❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Happy you enjoyed it! 😁

[@beachgirl6305]

It's sad that she had a great childhood, then talks about the sexual abuse. I'm so sorry you went through that!

[@raylawler13]

I think I just realized something about myself while listening to this. Thank you so much! Time to message my therapist.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Hi Ray! Aww I Love hearing that we could be helpful in even a small way. 😁 thanks for sharing!

[@davewallentine5306]

Two great voices in this space!

[@CultstoConsciousness]

🙏

[@melaniepaxman420]

Pretty sure I could listen to you both just have a conversation about groceries! Loved every minute of this.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Haha thanks Melanie! ❤️❤️❤️

[@donnaburden.dip.d.analysis2148]

Spiritually is within, meditation, yoga 🧘‍♀️ etc is the key for all. But always be on guard not to fall for negativity regarding any negative visions etc. Usually this is from trauma or inside illness before it manifests itself physically speaking usually within a 72 hour period. I'm a qualified dream analyst therapist. I've studied this for sooo many years. I do believe in the world of spirit and have given so many spiritual reads. I find your channel so insightful and this does need addressing trauma within many faiths. Xx

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Thanks for your input Donna! I agree with you

[@Dragons_Warrios500]

Very Lovely Chat Together 🥰🙂

[@danihawkinspreissler8017]

now that I've found your channel, I'm going back and watching all the episodes I missed.

[@davidjohnson605]

Great episode!! Really enjoyed it!

[@CarahBurrell]

❤️❤️💫🙏🏻

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Thanks for listening David! Happy you liked it!

[@More13Feen]

I lost my faith during the process of trying to become a mother and bevoming one. The final straw was when my daughter was about 8 months old where the last pices shatered to dust. I wanted a natural birth and used hypnosis motivated out of the belifes I still held when I became pregnant. It ended up being a 50hrs plus labor and I had to go to the hospital to give birth and was sure I would be ending up with a c-section so I saied yes to an epidural I diden't want. It was the worst moment of my life. There was no god, no faith I diden't even think about praying anymore. And there at the bottom of it all, I did it all by myself. It was literaly 5minutes bevore the desicion was made that I'll have to have surgery. I made peace with it being the most likely outcome. And told my unborn baby that if she wanted to come via the downwards exit, she needed to get goong NOW. And with in an 1h I was pushing and with in 30 minutes she was there. Avter freaking 54hrs of me holding on. I still struggle imensly with it cuz it was such ahuge thing and I don't want anymore children now. But I am slowly starting to see that I can be prowed of what I did. All by myself, for no reason but for that I could and I stayed calm and picked myself up again avter every last straw was riped from my hands.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Wow! That sounds super intense! Thanks to sharing. You SHOULD be proud!❤️🙌

[@jadedphoenixprojects]

I wanna have these conversations with real people other than my sister. Especially, the humor. Loved this.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Thanks for watching, Jade!

[@s13rr4buf3]

Does anybody know what article she's talking about, the article about steel tools?

[@franceenwebb9003]

Just so you know, while trying to search for information on my great grandfather's polygamous marriages, I discovered that they have "sanitized" his life. There are additional wives or their children on the heritage websites. Franceen Webb

[@charmainemrtnz]

Finding your channel enlightening!

[@jennapalmer8917]

Thank you for your content! And thank you for making them short and sweet. Love Mormon stories but don’t have hours and hours to give to a single story amiright?

[@Whatiftheresmore1314]

My grandpa used to quote Thumper from the movie Bambi …”if you don’t got nothin nice to say, then don’t say nothin at all.” What a beautiful, love filled world this would be. 🥰☀️💕🌎

[@EM-ub3hn]

I really like her!!! I hope you can catch up with her for a new episode❤

[@ano1919]

The birth story was very special and motivating to me. A have a huge and important task to do that makes me anxious and I don't know where to pull power from because of depression. I have hope now. Thank you ❤

[@tedgarrison8842]

I feel like I must subscribe given the fact that I was in a cult for five decades and the word “cult” is tattooed on my arm. Plus, I like your shirt 👚

[@maxfrank13]

Which one?

[@tedgarrison8842]

@@maxfrank13 The Cult of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

well that's amazing! Thanks for coming along the journey! And I don't know if you mean Carah's shirt or mine, but thanks!

[@swedishlina]

Would you be willing to go on with shelise and share your story? I would really like to hear how, when, where and why you left. If so you can send her an email.

[@tedgarrison8842]

@@swedishlina I have no issues with being interviewed. I also worked for the cult providing security for their property and their leaders...

[@burkerobbie10]

I enjoy your channel keep doing great

[@kerstinklenovsky239]

You girls rock! 🤩🤩

[@ajclmt]

Lol the art of knowing what will appeal to the most people is probably what turns a person into a cult leader in the first place (~59:00)! So authenticity is good. Crying into your phone is like one of the first viral youtube videos ever don't you remember!? LOL.

[@miriam-moore]

Yayyyyy!!!! Nuance ho!!!!

[@tedgarrison8842]

Is it a coincidence that I am 🌿💨 and I find Carah on KZbin?

[@CultstoConsciousness]

No coincidences haha

[@firelordmandy]

This is so late compared to when this dropped but I just found your channel and have been absolutely engrossed. To go more into the "mass emotion" described it's a form of effervescent. A lot of congregation religions have this effect almost like a high without drugs. You feel it when you're singing hymns together, joining in together in that belief and seeing others also feel that positive feeling. The same feeling (and chemicals that can be released in your brain that essentially can trap people in churches) happens at concerts! There's information out there about the correlation between concerts and the brain vs like sacrament meetings or the big musical stompy sing song church moments and the same brain chemicals. Once I've studied and read this it also makes sense why people stay because you get the shame and negativity but the effervescence and then it's a little easier to justify it all 😅

[@CultstoConsciousness]

Yes! So interesting! We are going to have on someone who wrote and played music for Hillsong. He talks about how they purposely used certain instruments for manipulating the congregation at certain times

[@firelordmandy]

@@CultstoConsciousness ahhh I cannot wait!! That part of deconstruction has been so fascinating to me, the social and psychological science behind the manipulation it's incredible. As much as I dislike how it's used I think it should be its own study the human brain is incredible 🥰 I'm so excited for that feature it's going to be ✨amazing✨

[@jen_the_RN]

Carah! You're so fucking awesome!

[@valerienelson3296]

She is so right we must break away from current systems. I am hoping all the restfullness is us doing just that ❤ The dream future is no more currency and a trade system, where all humans feel equal and there is no hunger ❤

[@Timmeh_The_tyrant]

I’m having. Hard time seeing what is bad about the church keeping 12 year olds from being sexual. And I still don’t understand why all of these people go full lgbtq.

[@CultstoConsciousness]

This video goes into depth about the harms of purity culture and what we can replace it with kzbin.info/www/bejne/q4uXiq1jpZtsaJY

[@cr-17-f1_l3wx.7]

Are Mormon women pressured into polygamy? Just wondering if that was a myth or the freaks of the church or…everyone does it? Thanks!

[@swedishlina]

In the current version of the LDS mainstream church they had to stop polygamy in 1904 (I think) the only way that Utah could be part of the United States, as they were only a territory at the time. However during those 60 years the women certainly didn’t “willingly” enter into polygamy. However there are many offshoot groups that still practice polygamy and the “ women” girls are pretty much forced into marriage, without having any say on whom they marry either. The thing is it is generational indoctrination and that can be very hard to break. Now I am a no-mo, but have studied the history and Utah and the surrounding states as I find it fascinating

[@RichardBarry-p8z]

More than not most Mormon women are Very attractive forrm what I've seen anyway but I don't live in Mormon county a few here and there but most are Catholic or Baptist in southern Ohio...

[@whitneysawyer483]

Sad she experienced sexual abuse as a child. Interesting interview...

[@emilyrln]

She's trying to be a breadwinner, eh? Trying to conquer that bread? A bread conquest, if you will 😉 no commie nihilism of course! Strictly optimistic community here!

[@LopsidedLiahona]

🍹

[@parasemear2686]

God exists

[@ClaireCopeland-n6y]

I dont want to be negative but....like? Like? Like???? If her saying like was a drinking game like we would like all be dead like like like???

[@goatmealcookies7421]

Faith is great. Its organized religion that sucks.

[@offairhead]

I’ve watched this whole video but I really don’t identify with her the way I have some do your other guests.

[@camjames9101]

Jesus is God