🤣FUNNY JOKES! - A guy walks into a biker bar and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler...

🤣JOKES COMPILATION! - Funny Daily Jokes! | BEST JOKES OF THE DAY! #11
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[@donblosser8720]

A long haul truck driver goes into a truck stop sits on a stool, and orders lunch. There 7 or 8 rowdy bikers seated at tables behind him, drinking beer. They begin to mock him, curse him, insult his mother and heap all manner of verbal abuse on him. He just ignores them and eventually pays for his meal and leaves. One of the bikers says to the waitress, "Hey miss, that guy wasn't much of a man, was he?" She replies, "Maybe, but he wasn't much of a truck driver either, he just ran over all of your bikes."

[@daneenmurf1043]

Smokie and the Bandit say hi

[@sunriseboy4837]

Yes sir...mighty poor truck driver that!🤣🤣🤣 Dear God, I really needed a good laugh.

[@user-dx6jo1cm9c]

heard it many years ago but still funny....

[@BlondieSL]

The moral of that story/joke, is, *RESPECT TRUCK DRIVERS!* They are the ones that bring us guy all our toys!!!

[@damnhandy]

The US Army figures out they have way too many officers and senior enlisted men, so they came up with an incentive program to get them to take early retirement. The incentive program was, any officer or senior enlisted man could pick any two points on his body, and the Army would pay him $1000 for every inch of the distance between the two points. The first soldier to take the incentive was an officer who picked from the tip of his toe while he was standing, to the top of his head, which was 72 inches, so he got $72,000 when he signed the retirement papers. The second guy, also an officer, picked from the tip of his toe to the tip of his finger when his arm was pointed straight up, which turned out to be 133inches. So he got $133,000 when he signed his papers. The third guy, an old Master Sargeant said he wanted them to measure from the top of his penis to his testicles. The officer managing the incentive program said the old Sargeant should pick two other point, and he would get more money, but the Sargeant said the sign says any two points on my body! So the office got a ruler and told the Sarge to drop his pants, and pull down his shorts. When the Sargeant did that, the officer leaned over holding the ruler, and said My God! Where are your testicles??? The Sargeant replied, "In Viet Nam!"

[@jokeland_85]

It was so good😂

[@wahid-lg1kk]

That was actually funny..

[@davidpawson9047]

But ... his testicles weren't ON his body.

[@dyates6380]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!

[@ronnichols884]

As a senior citizen, I live on a tight budget. There have been times when I had to substitute tuna cat food for tuna packaged for people. It's really not all that bad. I had to quit, though. I was chasing a bird, fell out of a tree, and broke my arm.

[@BlondieSL]

I'm glad that you didn't eat dog food! Otherwise, you'd be chasing car tires and sniffing butts! ROFL 👍😁👍 Don't eat bird seed either or people will tell you to FLOCK OFF! 👍😁👍

[@damnhandy]

Hey, Ron, Move to a Blue State. I AM 71, live alone, and get $231 a month from the state in SNAP money, Supplemental Nutritional Assistance Program bucks added to my EBT card, Electronic Benefits Transfer card. Walmart and Amazon take EBT money online, and they both deliver groceries to my door. I can't eat $231 bucks worth of food in a month! You won't need to eat cat food or dog food again.

[@damoon2631]

A blind man walked into a bar sat down and asked if anyone wanted to hear a blonde joke. The bar tender said, before you tell the joke I think you should know that I'm a blonde, the other bar tender is a blonde, the bouncer is a blond and two other customers are blondes! Now, do you still want to tell that joke? The blind man said, well no, not if I have to explain it 5 times!!

[@BlondieSL]

I don't get it. ROFL 👍😁👍 see what I did there!

[@richardwallinger1683]

the oldies are still priceless.

[@jokeland_85]

Exactly

[@lynnetrathen4587]

Omg 🤦🏻‍♀️ I got a laugh out of each one 😂😂🤦🏻‍♀️

[@nala3038]

Hemmorhoids should be called Assteroids 😂

[@jokeland_85]

Really🤣🤣

[@BlondieSL]

My attitudes about roids is, let's just.... put them all BEHIND us now! 👍😁👍

[@scottb4697]

A man walks in to a bar and says to the bartender line me up ten double whiskys. He then proceeds to drink each one. He says to the bartender this is absolutely awful, i shoudnt be doing this with what ive got. The bartender says why what have you got? The man says nothing im broke.

[@jokeland_85]

It was so good😂

[@deanfowlkes]

It is amazing how much you can learn from KZbin. Such as the power of comedic timing.

[@stewartfoster6581]

You're right..this had NONE....

[@lynncarden]

Also old.. anyone remember all the little moron jokes or how about these jokes ...Hiw many elephants can you get in a Volkswagen?? 6 two in the backseat two in front one in trunk and one in glove compartment....

[@damnhandy]

Speaking of comedic timing, what is the square root of 69? Ate-something

[@merleboyd9962]

Two nuns were driving down a country road when they ran out of petrol . There was a farm house nearby so decided to ask if they could have some. The farmer's wife said her husband is out in the field but all l have to put it in is a chamber pot. As they were carrying it to their car the farmer happened to see them and said, "l admire your faith sisters but it won't work ."

[@jokeland_85]

It was so good😂😂

[@penelope8557]

I don't get it.

[@pierremainstone-mitchell8290]

I've definitely got to give you the goat one!

[@jokeland_85]

I want to🤣

[@michaelmacpherson-wm6mh]

the goat one was the best.

[@RTBurke]

Brunette: “When my husband gets dandruff, I give him Head & Shoulders.” Blonde: “How do you give shoulders?”

[@heatherweir8726]

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt and says one for me and one for the road.

[@jhill74893]

I first heard the goat joke about 45 years ago but its still funny

[@philtucker1224]

The goat has changed a few times since then I’ll wager….😁

[@pp312]

Actually I didn't get it.

[@NBZW]

Now those I do like, yes I do like them, there’s hope yet.

[@WolfDragonTamer]

Poor goat 😂

[@donk1822]

A woodworm crawls into a pub and asks. 'Is the bar tender here'?

[@vickiesmith3021]

These were absolutely fantastic 😂❤. Thank you so much for your video.

[@unclemikecruz]

Box with hole in it.😂😂😂😂😂

[@wilsjane]

A similar and absolutely true story After being fined for selling alcohol to an underage teenager, the management at our local supermarket, threatened to fire any cashier who sold alcohol without proof that the person was over 18. When my mother went to the checkout, the cashier refused to scan her bottle of wine, because she did not have any documents that showed her age. At the time, my mother was 92.

[@stevstro4498]

Two guys were at the wake of their buddy. One says to the other, "Boy he sure looks good, don't he?" The other said, "He oughta you idiot. He just got outta the hospital."

[@ezrabrooks12]

FUNNY STUFF!!!!!

[@Donleecartoons]

Guy was strapped into the electric chair when the power went out at the prison. So he was charged with battery.

[@drunkbee880]

This is the best joke you’ve ever heard : There was a shy farmer who lived close to one of the most beautiful and sexiest girl you’ve ever seen . This farmer never had the courage to talk to her, just a hello once in a while . One day there was a knock on his door and he opened and it was hat girl wearing a very sexy and revealing clothes . The girl gave a nice hello and then hugged him and she said , I hear someone is coming why don’t we go inside ? She comes in and asks the farmer “ which part of my body impresses you the most ?” The farmer said “ your ears .” The girls said “ I work out 5 days a week to have this body and my ears impress you? Why?” The farmer said “ remember we were hugging and you said let’s go In because you heard someone coming ?” She said yes. He said “ it was me .” 😅

[@SusanBurke-gb2mw]

There was a bratty kid, dressed as a cowboy, who walked into an ice cream parlor and said, "gimme a banana split lady." She began making it, cutting the banana. He said "more banana lady". She sliced another banana and began scooping the ice cream and he shouted "more ice cream lady". Although she was annoyed, she added another scoop. She added the whipped cream and he demanded "more whipping cream lady". She decided she'd better ask "do you want want your nuts cracked"? He replied "do you want your tits shot off"

[@drunkbee880]

@@SusanBurke-gb2mw // This old cowboy was sitting on his porch saw a kid walking with something in his hand . He yelled “ what you got there boy?” Th boy said chicken wire, I am going to catch me some chickens.” The cowboy laughed at him and said good luck. In the afternoon the old cowboy saw the boy walking back with 20 chickens on his shoulders . The next morning he saw the boy again with with something in his hand and again yelled “ hey boy what you got there?” The boy said duck tape, I am going to catch me some ducks . Sure enough in the afternoon he was walking back with 20 ducks . The third day the cowboy saw the boy again with something in his hand and said “ hey boy I hat you got now ?” The boy said “ it is a pussy willow branch . The old cowboy said “ hold on boy, let me grab my hat .” 😃 He wanted a piece of that action .

[@Donleecartoons]

​@@drunkbee880First rule of joketelling: When you finish saying the punchline, STOP.

[@drunkbee880]

@@Donleecartoons // Bro, I am not Jerry Seinfeld and you sure aren’t Larry David , so save it.

[@Donleecartoons]

@@drunkbee880 And I ain't your bro, so maybe just take some good advice.

[@At_the_races]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@donadeavera9608]

These were great

[@neveo9428]

Well told. Funny factor 6/10 ish

[@pastorrandyconaway3349]

Now these jokes are funny.

[@marioneno]

My father was the glue that held our family together. But it all fell apart as soon as the rest of us started sniffing him.

[@BlondieSL]

tRump is the glue that holds his family together! *CRAZY GLUE!* 👍😁👍

[@JJNow-gg9so]

😂😂😂😂

[@patriciahartless2095]

Liked all of the jokes . But my favorite was the lady 😊. That went to the store to buy cat food 😼. Dog food🐕 and needed the toilet paper 🧻.😂😂😂

[@maddhatter3564]

Ya i didn't remember the joke but must've heard it before cuz i saw the punchline as soon as they mentioned her dog.

[@sharonouellette4546]

I have known the little old lady trying to buy the cat and dog food for 30+ years.

[@lynncarden]

You know why birds don't kiss anymore??? They're afraid they'll get "CHIRPIES"

[@sweetesthawaiianprincess8086]

Only funny one was #3 about the little old lady in the grocery store with the ‘show me’ cashier 😅

[@kathleenspady6340]

😅😅😅

[@helencook5414]

Good collection 😊

[@bonniemitchell4919]

I love a good laugh 👍💯

[@kenbellchambers4577]

Watch Biden coming down the steps.

[@CTLanni]

A guy goes into a bar for a shot and a beer. He notices a jar full of $100 bills and ask the bartender, "What gives?" The bartender explains, "You put in a $100, then go out back. My rottweiler is out there with a bad tooth. You go out and pull that dog's tooth. He's mean, so be careful! Then you go upstairs and you please my mother who hasn't had a man in 40 years. You complete these two tasks and you win the jar. "Nah, nevermind," says the guy... After several more shots and beers he finally caves and says, "Ok, I'm in!" (tossing his $100 in the jar). He goes out back, and you hear the sounds of Grrrr! Ruff, Yip! Yipe,! Yipe! A moment later the guy, all scratched up and bleeding comes in and says, "Ok, now where's that old lady with the bad tooth?"

[@bagotoetags801]

What do you call a veterinarian who only specializes in dogs? A Dogtor!

[@georgebuckland1192]

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@jwdundon]

Must be in Texas...

[@sharcrum]

😅😅😅

[@elizabethkrall7920]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@chuckragland9972]

One time on a hot summer day a guy was walking his dog. And he got thirsty, so he tied the dog up by a tree in front of a bar and went in to have a drink. Pretty soon a cop walks in and asks " who's dog is that tied up outside?" The guy walks up to the cop and says, " that's MY dog , what's the problem?" The cop says "did you know she's in heat?" The guy says" Nah, she's not in heat, I have her in the shade!" The cop says" no, she needs bred.". The guy says " I don't feed her bread, I feed her dog food." The cop finally says" no, I mean she needs sex!" The guy says " that's okay, do whatever you want, I always wanted a police dog!"

[@jokeland_85]

It was so good😂😂

[@jojofarley4511]

Omg...groannnnn...lol

[@dadjokeschannel]

🤣😂🤣

[@TARZANswings]

Did you hear about the magic tractor, it turned into a field.

[@Derek-zs9bi]

America that's it just America

[@charlescolemansr-pq3ig]

These are great joke's have any more

[@edeledeledel5490]

Two neighbours had pets; one had a sweet little female mouse. The other one had a huge male elephant. One day, the neighbour who owned the mouse angrily banged on the other man's door. When the neighbour answered the door, the man shouted "Your elephant just f*cked my mouse!" The other man shouted back "Don't be stupid! How could my elephant f*ck your mouse?" The other man said "He stepped on it, and now it's f*cked!"

[@jokeland_85]

It was so good😂😂😂

[@ackerjawaka4742]

A lion a witch and a wardrobe go to the local pub for a few drinks buy before they had chance to order anything the landlord said get out I'm not serving narnia 😂😂

[@ackerjawaka4742]

Shakespeare walks in to a pub and the barman said get out your Barde 😜

[@ackerjawaka4742]

Vincent van gogh walks in to a pub and his mate asks him if he would like a pint...he replied no thanks ive got one ear 👂 🍀♠️

[@jeffbaxter8770]

A six year old boy goes into a bar & scrambles onto a stool & says, gimme a double. The barman says i can't serve you! The kid says, well don't stand there like a dick, get somebody who can!

[@BlondieSL]

As a gay man, I am allowed to tell these jokes. LOL 👍😁👍 So this guy is walking down the street, very depressed. He walks into this bar and asks the bartender to give him 6 vodka shots,no mix, nothing else. The guy bangs them back one after the other, fast! The bartender, being concerned, asks the guy what's wrong? The guy said that he just found out that his older brother is Gay. So the next day, the guy is walking down the street again, very depressed. He goes into the same bar, same bartender, 6 more vodkas, bangs them back fast. Now the bartender is more concerned as asked the guy, what's wrong today? The guy says, I just found out that my younger brother is Gay! Third day, same street, depressed, same bar, same bartender, 6 more vodkas, bangs them back hard and fast. At this point, the bartender if annoyed and say, "COME ON MAN! Doesn't anyone in your family like women!" The guy answered, "Yes....... ..................... my wife!"

[@tomnick5787]

Too long

[@BlondieSL]

As a gay man, I am allowed to tell these jokes. LOL 👍😁👍 A guy walks into the gay bar. The guys were all having fun having a biggest *fart* contest! They were all passing this bassy, long, deep farts.. PFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTH! So the guy thought that he's join in. He let out this tiny, squeaky, high pitched fart. The rest of the guys all looked him, laughed and said to him, *"VIRRRRRRR GINNNNNNN"* 😅😂🤣

[@devildog6698]

3 men arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asked the first man what happened. He said he thought his wife was cheating so he took the elevator up to the tenth floor and busted in through the door of his apartment. He searched everywhere but couldn’t find the proof. He got so mad that he threw the fridge out the window and the effort caused him to have a heart attack and die. St. Peter then asked the second man what happened. the guy says, I was just walking along the street and this damn refrigerator landed on me and killed me. Wow, said St. Peter, while looking at the first man. St. Peter then addressed the third man about he had died. The third man replied, “well, it all started while I was hiding in a refrigerator…..

[@donblosser8720]

Literary sleuth Sherlock Holmes and his trusty sidekick, Dr. Watson, were on a camping trip. 🏕They pitched their tent, unrolled their sleeping bags, fixed dinner, and then, after a good meal and a chat around the campfire, went to bed. In the middle of the night, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars," rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.🌠 "What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned. Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are billions of galaxies in a vast universe. "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.⏲ "Theologically, I perceive that God is infinitely powerful and that we are, by comparison, small and insignificant. "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. 🌄 "And what does it tell you, Holmes?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then burst out: "Watson, you fool! Someone has stolen our tent!"

[@TeaParty1776]

BA BOOM!

[@robertmoir5695]

Okay I have a joke What do you call music in the car A car tune

[@shawncummings4653]

A man walks into a gay bar not knowing. As he looked around he thought well it's not that bad. So he decides to go up to the bar, and have a drink. He pulls out one of the stools from under the bar. As he starts to sit down, he is aproched by one of the patrons. Looking at him the man asked, what can I do for you? The patron replied, I would just like to know if I can push in your stool.

[@neveo9428]

Yuck

[@melodyjordan6052]

​@@neveo9428My same reaction

[@jokeland_85]

It was so good😂😂😂

[@mackenziecollins2688]

Hey I have a joke I literally just thought up: Why can’t you ever hear a car swear? Because all you will hear is beeeeep!😂😂😂😂

[@michaeldaltonsr8954]

🤣🤣🤣!!! "friendly conservation officer!! No such animal!! They are psycho!! NO humor!! IMO!!

[@artmchugh5644]

👍👍👍👍👍🤮🤮🤮🤮

[@artmchugh5644]

What is the difference between a harley and a hoover vacuum??? One has the dirtbag on the inside!!😂😂😂

[@nickoletarvanites4119]

Haha dirtbag...lol

[@LivinLikacat]

That’s a baaad joke there buddy!

[@artmchugh5644]

What is the similarity between a harley and a hound dog ????? They both have initials HD , if you leave them in one spot long enough you will have a puddle , and every so often you see one riding in the back of a pickup truck!!!! 😀😀😀😀😀😀

[@gregolson5089]

You can only fit one dirtbag on a hoover.....

[@user-ls5ik1vm3k]

What's the difference between a sheep and a goat? For me, about five minutes!

[@penelope8557]

Bad..

[@Frank-rx8ch]

How do you tell the front of a tree🤔🤔🤔?

[@JokesPedia]

Go to the toilet, because you would never shit in front of a tree👍