Gary Delaney Jongleurs Nottingham Bootleg 2007 - Needlessly offensive one-liners

Someone sent me some very old clips of me so I've tried to tidy them up a bit. This is me opening Jongleurs Nottingham in maybe 2007? You could get away with an awful lot in clubs those days. I think because of the material I'm doing here there's very little overlap with the all stuff I flogged to death on Mock the Week and Live at the Apollo but some of these jokes are on my first special Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013. Some others aren't because frankly I'd forgotten all about them until seeing this video.
A much older version of me is now on tour with my fourth show 'Gary in Punderland'. Tickets are here www.garydelaney.com Each new tour is all new jokes. I tour the UK and occasionally Ireland. I don't play the rest of the world as I hate flying.
I've got a joke book out called Gary in Punderland. It's got 1000 jokes in it. Which is basically all the jokes from my first two tours, some older stuff form club sets and other stuff I never used live.
I'm also on Twitter @GaryDelaney , Instagram @GaryDelaneyComedian and Facebook @GaryDelaneyComedian and I post a joke a day on those pretty much all the time.
That'll do, come to a show if you like this sort of thing.
Thanks
Gary

[@Outspoken.Humanist]

Good stuff. If people are offended they can leave, or change the channel. I love it!

[@AceHermes]

Gary has managed to offend everybody regardless of gender, race, religion or anything else. Well done that man. 🤣

[@mrb018538]

2:56 Not heard that one before….absolutely savage 😂

[@FistralG]

There’s a couple in there I’ve not heard before and I understand why. 😁

[@RobertOrgRobert]

Hard to choose the best bit but, the Bucket joke had the audience gushing

[@brianswift2706]

Some cracking material there

[@deborahelmes8743]

Back home from seeing this Legend at Leamington Spa! Brilliant new material! Amazing Talent 👏! Thank you x

[@clungepoker6749]

Absolute quality gaggage, you are a comedic legend in your own lifetime Mr D! 😂😂😂

[@disarmsox]

You can't beat live comedy.. TV has nothing, go out and experience what really happens in a room!!

[@nails6365]

Gary, your material is hilarious!!

[@JodyHwd]

OMFG "Crash Bang Wallop What a Picture" perfect, perfect joke especially considering when that clip was. Deserved waaaaaay more traction then it got !!!

[@daveylaney6644]

Great stuff as always. Keep up the great work Gary.

[@cheyne15]

Always loved your stuff Gary and this reminds me of why!

[@WideOldDan]

He should do the fisting joke first, it's a strong opener.

[@gorgonzolacheese8676]

Excellent - watched you recently in Bristol - very good show

[@GaryDelaneyComedian]

Thank you

[@khalidamajoud4114]

So, so good. 😂

[@stevensallsorts]

Classics :)

[@a.j.carter8975]

Top job ❤

[@steveclemons8373]

Good gags 👍👍👌

[@DJ_Kambel]

Mate, you absolutely crack me up 🤣

[@DJ_Kambel]

So funny 🤣

[@ClaymateDesigner]

Genius...

[@LeftyPem]

Look how young he is!

[@tonyb5884]

3:12....jimmy Carr in the room...lol

[@richarddiddler3380]

Karen outside Tesco in her pyjamas, crash bang wallop what a picture.

[@madmuppet8039]

Love your stuff Gary, although watching it, does my hernia no good at all 😫😆 A man of many gags like yourself, has probably heard these, but here goes, What’s the difference between a fridge and a gay man ? A fridge doesn’t fart when you take your meat out ! What’s the difference between a JCB and a giraffe ? Ones got hydraulics, the others got high bollocks ! Difference between a washing machine and an Essex girl ? A washing machine won’t spit your load out ! The difference between an Essex girl and a Kit Kat ? You only get 4 fingers in a Kit Kat ! I’ll get my coat. 😃

[@user-pd5et5ft7p]

As to the washing machine, another answer is 'the washing machine doesn't follow you around for 3 days every time you dump a load in it.'

[@rocket811]

Gold. Remember you from Corebike, i think 2012? You were trying to figure out which jokes you could get away with, and we were trying to figure out how the organisers picked such a perfect entertainer for us! PS i now live in China. Have you ever considered taking trains?

[@SP-bt9mp]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@ParanoimiaUK]

I wonder why I never heard those last two on Mock the Week? 🤔

[@VestigialHead]

I think they would have been fine when Mock of the week was first on. Franky Boyle did a heap of pedo and rape jokes.

[@ParanoimiaUK]

@@VestigialHead Definitely! But as the years have passed, it's fallen in line with a lot of the other drivel BBC calls 'comedy'. In the last couple of series that Gary appeared on the show, you could often see Dara & co. visibly wince at some of his cruder jokes, and it's been a while now since he was invited on.

[@VestigialHead]

@@ParanoimiaUK Ahh well I have learnt something here today. I thought the show ended 5 years ago. Did not realise it is still on. Is Hugh Dennis and Andy Parsons still the regulars?

[@ParanoimiaUK]

@@VestigialHead No idea! I believe it's still on, but I myself stopped watching it about 5 or 6 years ago, and haven't watched TV at all for almost 2 years now as we gave up the licence.

[@SAMOANSTALLION1]

😂

[@livb6945]

Ingen don't get why anyone would be offended by a joke. It's saying it an meaning it that's offensive

[@basilfawlty8244]

Brilliant.... But why not extend the vid slightly & leave those big boxes off, until you've actually finished..??

[@GaryDelaneyComedian]

Because I don’t know how to do that

[@GaryB007]

Adding 10 seconds of blank video at the end in your editing program will do it.

[@GaryDelaneyComedian]

Hmm. That’s sounds beyond my ability to be honest but I’ll have a look at it

[@basilfawlty8244]

@@GaryDelaneyComedian ha ha...fair enough. It's a compliment tho.... I'd rather see you delivering, than the boxes that cover you up here. Part of the fun of your act, is the impish grin on your face, when you're doin the more 'risky' stuff.

[@user20159]

Fanta

[@michaelarnold417]

His girlfriend bought him a what?

[@VestigialHead]

A lovely crate of Stella.

[@michaelarnold417]

@@VestigialHead Thanks!

[@roymillsjnr5172]

😂