As Not Seen on TV: Gary Delaney one-liners that weren't ever on Mock the Week or Live at the Apollo.

Tour dates: www.garydelaney.com
This video is all the one-liners from my first special (Comedy Club Classics 2000-2013) that I never used on Mock the Week or Live at the Apollo. It has proper subtitles available if you want them. It's possible a few gags may have sneaked into other minor TV shows around that time that few people saw, I didn't cross reference set lists against them as they're not important.
As the UK reopens I'm back on the road with a new tour with all new jokes called Gary In Punderland. All dates are at www.garydelaney.com and there's more to be added as more venues reopen and start to book new shows again. It's taking a while in some towns, largely due to the huge backlog of 15 month of postponed shows that venues also have to accommodate. You can sign up to be notified when a show is added in your area. If it says join waiting list that means it' sold out but not really as the venue has held back at leats half the tickets for social distancing. I expect these will all end up on sale at some point so it's well worth doing that.
I've got a joke book out called Pundamentalist if you like that sort of thing. It's got 1000 jokes in it, none of which are in Gary In Punderland. All the usual nook places for the UK, use www.bookdepository.com for international orders as Amazon are super sloooooowww.
I'm also on Twitter @GaryDelaney , Instagram @GaryDelaneyComedian and Facebook @GaryDelaneyComedian and I post a joke a day on those pretty much all the time.

[@GaryDelaneyComedian]

Tour dates: www.garydelaney.com

[@GaryDelaneyComedian]

I played there on the last tour but they’re dragging their heels about dates for this tour but we have requested them. It’s very hard to get venues right now. Pester them and ask them to book me. It’ll make it more likely to happen. Otherwise there’s a show on sale in Barton on Humber and probably one in Hull being added soon

[@lewisdowsett8390]

How about ipswich gary? I mean are you doing a show here not for your opinion on ipswich.

[@GaryDelaneyComedian]

Already on sale. Have a look at the link with all the dates on

[@lewisdowsett8390]

@@GaryDelaneyComedian See what you think of this gary. I was painting and decorating the other day and I was absolutely sweating...well I read the tin and it said put 2 coats on.. I will get my coat...christ I've got 3 on now 9th July 2022 corn exchange ipswich,great venue I'm now about to purchase

[@bobthompson4319]

Aww babes iv killed loads of things. I hope you really said that to Sarah after she hit a deer. AHAHHAHAHA

[@timaustin2000]

Gary laughing at his own jokes is heaven 🤣

[@Wolfinator234]

This is literally the best ever audience in standup comedy

[@GaryDelaneyComedian]

They were amazing.

[@MrVideodromer]

Especially the blonde in the black top........;o

[@MrFuzzyGreen]

Nice that Gary put on a show for the Roly Polys. Glad to see them again.

[@imustbegettinolder4434]

Yeah I was laughing at them laughing too.

[@DYLANLBOMBA]

welcome to liverpool 🤣

[@Adam-vu6ho]

He’s far funnier than most of the mainstream comedians on tv

[@u4riahsc]

You have to pay close attention to him.

[@queenbee2371]

100%

[@leggobeasty]

@@queenbee2371 He’s been on TV. Many times

[@GaryDelaneyComedian]

Don’t be silly, Iain. Why on Earth would a comedian ever do jokes in tour shows they’ve already done on the telly? That makes no sense at all. Material goes on tour and then on telly or online.. That’s the order. That’s how it works. This tour is all jokes that were written during lockdown. The 17-19 tour was different jokes. The 13/14 and 15/16 tours are the ones that were then recycled into lots of different TV spots after the tours had finished and those are also the two tours that are available on line and in clips etc. You won’t see jokes from the 2013/2014 tour in 2023. That’d just be weird.

[@octaviussludberry9016]

Almost as if comedy is subjective.

[@richastle8293]

Apart from Gary being very talented, I love watching the lady second from the right of screen laughing so fitfully at EVERY joke. I'm sure she'd be hurting the next day and even took the a day off work. Wonderful to see humour being such a great tonic!

[@straffentest1708]

True story for you that weirdly sounded like a gag you'd come up with. I was in the lift at work and the new girl got in. I said 'going down?' Quick as a flash she replied 'steady on,I've only worked here for three days!' Best comback ever from asking a completely innocuous question.

[@FreeFlyerUk]

😂😂😂😂🎉

[@Daz555Daz]

I have no idea how guys like Gary and Tim Vine keep up this relentless pace. It is simply superb.

[@MrMaster2262]

Stewart Francis one liners also good but not as quick as those two

[@nein1467]

I love both of them (all three if you count Stewart Francis from the other commenter), but one has to admit that Tim Vine is unbeatable when it comes to the speed.

[@maddoctor99]

Yeah - Stewart Francis is an amazing one-liner. But his pace is intentionally slower and more “gentle” than Gary. Would love to see either of them live any day… … although, my local park COULD do with another bench or two…

[@GlenBarnett]

Laughed so hard at this I was nearly sick. Best comedian on the planet 🤣

[@GaryDelaneyComedian]

Baz. You’re a fool who doesn’t know that of which you speak. I’m the original author of all of these jokes. That’s literally the one thing I’m known for. It’s great that you care about the originality of jokes. I do too. But do your research before you speak up or you’ll look silly.

[@jonwebb7042]

@@GaryDelaneyComedian you are so talented man, first time I've seen your stand up!

[@tjp353]

@@GaryDelaneyComedian I'm not saying Angela Merkel has a big vagina, but when she sat down in the Bundestag... a Beef Curtain descended across the continent of Europe.

[@DigitalDaffodil]

@@GaryDelaneyComedianno worse than you pal

[@nigelbond4056]

Just awesome! The problem with such amazing comedy is that 16 minutes is never enough. Britain’s greatest comedy talent 👍

[@GaryDelaneyComedian]

I’ve got more back catalogue stuff to gradually film edit and release. This stuff is all really old. I’ve another two hours of my old tour material to work my way through I’ve the next couple of years.

[@DunnGolfing]

That's what she said 🤣

[@nickedmund]

Dear Garry A comedy king deserves a crown all i can offer is a temporary filling.

[@Just.Blaze...]

Never heard so many 1 liners. Very talented man.

[@lisabenson]

One of the few advantages of lockdown was discovering and appreciating the hilarious Gary Delaney. Being from the US, I can only wish to see him on tour.

[@TheWaxdart138]

I can assure you, he's absolutely superb....

[@craigtomlinson5593]

Nice to hear good old no holds barred comedy. Hit the nail on the head when he said, not seen on TV.

[@alanrmurphy]

It's like someone took an audience from the 80s or 90s and brought them to the 21st century. Wonderful to see people enjoying comedy for what it is and not looking for offence 🙂

[@IByteNL]

Very true. People spend so much time and energy on finding reasons to criticise others in hopes of coming out on top these days.

[@bertybertface1914]

It's more of a masive relief to still see people laughing and enjoying themselves. The crud on BBC atm is atrocious, the canned laughter struggles to find it funny.

[@annother3350]

They seemd all over 50 so they were an audience from the 80s and 90s!!

[@markbtelevision]

well said

[@markbtelevision]

@@IByteNL amazing comment

[@glambox92]

The way he laughs at his own jokes 😂😂😂

[@paulbriody297]

I love that too.

[@u4riahsc]

Especially when they try really hard not to laugh.

[@reprobate337]

I'm crying, that was brilliant.. woke the whole house laughing so hard.

[@frankdelnoij938]

Gary is the best. Love from the Netherlands

[@topcat8804]

He had a big crowd that night - and I don't mean there were many of them

[@sandwichman100]

i had no idea they had comedy nights at weight watches meetings

[@David-ll8bt]

If you told that crowd to hall ass they would have to make 2 trips.

[@uniformmike05]

Maybe one of them is huge Grace… who got thrown out at the weekly WW weigh-in.

[@richardlloyd2589]

@@uniformmike05 👏👏👏

[@michaelsexton4068]

🤣

[@AlexSmith-od7qg]

Every joke a belter. Cheers me up. Defo booking tickets

[@itsmephil2255]

Gary Delaney is always a win 😂😂

[@Spitfyre1011]

Bless that lady in the front row who keeps screaming with laughter. I can’t contain myself at live comedy shows either 😂

[@leegoderz83]

I accidentally filled the escort up with diesel ⛽️😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@rebelwithoutapplause5629]

She died..

[@JonnyCooper]

@Gary Delaney the timing on the lifebelt gag was astonishing. Pure genius!

[@TypicallyThomas]

As someone who is actually dating an English teacher I am stealing those jokes like you wouldn't believe!

[@tennentssuppa]

watch their colon mate.

[@ianlucas8116]

Dating a teacher is great. . . You can have sex whenever you want. . . But you have to put your hand up first. :)

[@richardlloyd2589]

Male teachers do like using the red pen-is.

[@alliefarrell5464]

Had such a good laugh at this video! Thanks for posting it, Gary! One of my favourite things about your shows is that you laugh at your own jokes, which is so endearing. ~Allie in Canada.

[@walterdennon4342]

His laugh is the baby cousin of Jimmy Carr's.

[@queenbee2371]

I love him finding his own jokes funny!!

[@jamielbux1048]

I couldnt stop laughing. One of the UKs funniest comedians.

[@ReinhardvonHolst]

Effing Brilliant! We love you dude.

[@paule8174]

Seen this guy live he’s so funny!!! Couldn’t stop crying with laughter!!

[@annother3350]

Probably his best set I've ever seen

[@limeycheesehead97]

OMG....thank you for the laughs. Can't wait to see you live.

[@pjsixhundred]

Superb. Looking forward to seeing the live tour.

[@garylawlor2288]

Crying my eyes out with laughter, thanks Gary

[@ukdavepianoman]

Brilliantly funny. Such great delivery too.

[@stephencarey6114]

Fluffing brilliant. Love you man.

[@mrswanson5013]

Your little chuckles make it even better

[@jamesbutler6253]

I've watched this set several times and howl with laughter every time, which is the complete opposite of my experience with all those American Dry Bar comedians who I only watch once and never even laugh once.

[@bourne3106]

First comedy I’ve laughed at this lockdown, thank you I feel great now.

[@catch.2022]

I'd pay to just watch this audience cracking up!

[@adambryan1146]

Just found this guy a couple of days ago.... he's amazing.

[@EleanorPeterson]

Did you know that he's also Mr Sarah Millican? It's not hard to see why her act's so polished if she has to test her material on Gary! 🤔

[@tomjohnson6520]

Absolutely the best!

[@curiousmind616]

@@EleanorPeterson no way really ?

[@rebelwithoutapplause5629]

Gary, did you hear that Elton John spent over 3 grand on a treadmill for his pet rabbit..? It's a little fit bunny..

[@robertharvey7392]

That is so, so funny. Watched it loads of times but enjoy it every time. Thanks Gary

[@clownstangler]

You're welcome man

[@MobiusChains]

Improper use of a colon caused a serious coughing fit. 🤣 I think the joke nearly killed me. 😂🤣😂🤣

[@mattys655]

Top gig thank you man, I've got tears in my eyes (of laughter, in case you were wondering)

[@DH-rj2kv]

Sadly, Gary's tour had to be cancelled. Too much risk of a pundemic.

[@BikepackingAdventures]

Indeed, Gary's one liners are very infectious.

[@jshaw4757]

@@BikepackingAdventures He's a pure injection off comedy..

[@richardlloyd2589]

Happy to swing back again for a 3rd jab of the morale booster.

[@paulonius42]

That was the greatest audience groan in comedy history. :)

[@maddoctor99]

I always thought Gary was funny. I didn’t realize until now just HOW funny he is. This had me 💀

[@IByteNL]

Great work, couldn't stop laughing 😂. Indeed, most of them had not been on MTW.

[@Musingsonthelawofattraction]

Mock the week is really dumbed down. No bravery.

[@TheWhiteboyjohnny]

Absolutely brilliant

[@zombiestomper4310]

That was brilliant!

[@barryfarrant3281]

good to see some new material from him, the quick delivery and the thought process.

[@steviecbf]

MAGNIFICENT !

[@attack0nmem0ry]

Long time MTW/LAtA viewer, first time commenter (lol). Brilliant set, Gary. Thanks for the upload; Americans like myself are grateful for the comedy gold. Cheers, stay safe, and hope to catch you stateside soon!

[@mreckes9967]

Usually with "one liner comics" doing 15mins on here you get maybe half a dozen good lines and a heap of dross or repeated stuff. But not you my good man, a truly great session. Brilliant crowd sure helps, you should employ them to go on tour with you.

[@lordrork5884]

His videos prove that he's the kind of guy who likes to keep on banging them out.

[@cosmicpuma1409]

Loving this!!!

[@morbidromanceband]

Brilliant stuff. Thanks so much for putting this on KZbin. ❤

[@MaunoKoivistoOfficial]

This audience is amazing.

[@vabriga1]

You are killing it man. Respect.

[@Bob-ts2tu]

Brilliant, love it

[@KumaBean]

That was outstanding! 😂 👌 🍻

[@petebanbury]

You know it's going to be really funny when the comedian starts laughing in anticipation of the punch line :-) This is an Awesome collection Gary, get your ass out to one of the comedy festivals in Jo'burg when we get back to travel normal again :-)

[@wertywee]

When the comedian laughs at his own gags you know he's digging for extra laughs from a weak gag

[@bonkeydollocks1879]

@@wertywee nah he just finds it funny

[@FreeFlyerUk]

​@@wertywee wow

[@raylooney7070]

Gary is the best comedian for many many years.....this was outstanding......im going to look and book now......if you read this gary who are your favourite comics.

[@katemoore2585]

I love that he laughs at his own jokes..!

[@johncoops6897]

Sometimes sounds like Jimmy Carr !!!

[@williambutcher7432]

Absolutely brilliant!, just listening to the joke about cunnilingus and my daughter walked into the room....awkward!

[@richardlloyd2589]

Yes, very difficult to explain when you’re tongue-tied.

[@shadyj8047]

these jokes are amazing

[@ShockwaveTheLogical]

10:52 That is just brilliant! I love the play on words and "literal" jokes.

[@LenTheKiwi]

Very good. You are the best.

[@saxonstacker1078]

Great crowd, great humour. Best in the world.

[@aboe8904]

Thanks Gary.. I really enjoy your shows mate.

[@jarvis1979]

Genius, absolute genius.

[@irishandproud1087]

Love this guy ,brilliant 😆 🤣 😂

[@trekker3382]

got tickets to your show in peterborough, in july ... cannot wait to watch you live - again

[@cancer_sucks]

fucking howling Gary!! easily some of the best i have heard... so far! more that DEFINATELY did not make the telly please :-)

[@fifthof1795]

did you see Line of Duty....you'd get the inference if you did.

[@levimcglinchey5843]

My word that's one eager crowd

[@GaryDelaneyComedian]

It was. I decided to make recording S of two of my long retired tour shows for use on social media and offered people from my mailing list free tickets. So they’re all big fans and will have attended the tours at the time but we’re super keen anyway. Like a greatest hits show.

[@levimcglinchey5843]

Well that's just ruddy lovely of ya, class idea! Here's hoping us Carlisle lot give you just as much on the tour Tara a bit x 🍆

[@Ashleyrhys1]

@@GaryDelaneyComedian Thats amazing pal, really enjoyed the video

[@kathowed]

Brilliant! Nice to hear you working blue. I smiled so much I think I broke my left cheek.

[@bmoipavitra8468]

Brilliant!

[@shaun3011]

you are a great comedian 100% enjoy your jokes

[@matthewfaulkner9582]

Just brilliant Gary, so funny, defo need to catch you on tour.

[@u4riahsc]

Champion of one-liners.

[@jameshollyoak8230]

Brilliant ❤

[@simondurnin7332]

Fantastic!!

[@nealspilsbury8639]

This guy is one of best stand ups ever

[@bleueggos6798]

Discovered you yesterday I watched the Apollo one ,you had me n my wife rolling

[@paula200]

Every time I watch these clips, I marvel at the sheer ignorance of the guy in the front row, wearing a 'kin great big hat.

[@MrConnect54]

Imagine sitting behind him probably thinks he’s a character wearing a stupid cowboy hat 🤠

[@Gisburne2000]

Wouldn't bother me. I am 6'9" 😀

[@paula200]

@@Gisburne2000 You're probably the one who always sits in front of me 🤣

[@welshwarrior5263]

What an amazing comedian.

[@marekspacek1211]

Simply the best

[@chrisb6296]

Amazing set / crowd

[@grizzle273463]

I love Gary's laugh. So good

[@jonlittle1798]

"Waving her bucket...." felt like I would pass out I was laughing so hard.

[@kierandoherty8815]

brilliant 👏

[@KarrierBag]

Thank you, i needed a rude laugh and you provided it

[@lesglenn]

Brilliant

[@DarrenConnolly-th6yt]

What a crowd. Lovely x

[@velocityadventures949]

One of the best comedian 😂😂😂😂😂

[@michaellennon873]

Orchids - brilliant

[@playboy8303]

as a stand-up myself, u are sir, a master.....i study u r stuff......awesome jokes by the way

[@GaryDelaneyComedian]

Thanks and good luck with it

[@T-Bag13]

No, no, no. I had to watch in two installments my jaw was hurting so much.

[@garybarnes4169]

12:05 "The daddy's whom?" is incorrect, the verb "to be" does not take an object, so "The daddy is who?" is correct. I'll get my coat.

[@intheplums]

I'm here after seeing his hilarious jokes on live at the apollo

[@filth413]

SMASHED IT !!!

[@Estiallina]

Hysterical!

[@RobertHeslop]

I can laugh individually, but bloody nora, you and Sarah combined in one show, I'd be dead