gay couples can't make babies 👶🏽 r/AITA 1 800 Drama Podcast

[@tangletallonmeow]

My 4-year old brother found a little pride flag in my room and asked me what it is, I told him it's a love flag, and he carried it around for a few hours and waved it over the cats like a wand and "love you" like it was a magic spell, it was sweet. Not really relevant, but one of the posts reminded me of it.

[@ethcal3195]

That is ADORABLE

[@twinning1944]

This is adorable

[@s.a.4358]

That is so cute. Love the idea of love spells on the cats.

[@TheDarwinProject1]

OMG! That's the cutest fucking thing! 🤩

[@Imjustkendall]

THATS SO SWEET OMG

[@Deadman7600.]

If you criticise Shaaba for a dumb reason especially when Jamie is right there agreeing with her, you are the drama. Period

[@chronicallyfabulous88]

Found the best comment 😁💜

[@jennifers5560]

Preach!

[@jamesmatthew2236]

I am wondering critical of them both but think if they critics Jamie they might be seen as phobic so just focus on Shaaba making them look racist instead. I am not saying it is ok I am just trying to suggest a possible mind path that someone might go down.

[@Deadman7600.]

@@jamesmatthew2236 I really don’t know what point you’re trying to make

[@leggyegg2890]

⁠@@Deadman7600. I’m not sure what James’ intention was so I’m not necessarily defending or agreeing with the comment, but assuming it’s in good faith: James is saying people might be hesitant to criticise Jamie as they don’t want to come across as transphobic. In theory this COULD be a factor but I doubt it is, since even if people were worried about it coming across that way I’d assume they’d also worry about coming across as racist or misogynistic. I think racism and misogyny is definitely the biggest factor here but I don’t think James is wrong for having this thought, even if it’s incorrect. We’re all learning.

[@flyingspagbowl6629]

Omg the hair is HAIRING TODAY

[@introusas]

So gorgeous, like a fancy 19th century painting

[@sheenaghm3053]

Hair goals!

[@rosejones8058]

Yes! In the best possible way!

[@jennifers5560]

The curls are on point!

[@blu_heron]

It's almost distracting how beautiful Shaaba's hair is! So shiny, so bounce, so fab.

[@goshdarnsilly]

I’ve noticed that phenomenon toward you too, Shaaba, and I am so glad you are speaking up for yourself. thank you for doing that. it helps all of us.

[@ems4238]

I completely agree, I was so shocked to see such nastiness targeted towards Shaaba!! Especially because so many of the points I agreed with Shaaba on and was so surprised with the people’s hate and judgement on her “because of her opinion”.

[@goshdarnsilly]

@@ems4238 absolutely, Shaaba is absolutely entitled to her worldview, just like you and me. I will say I wasn’t shocked. not because of Shaaba’s opinions but because of the racism and misogyny she mentioned. I’m so glad and moved that she called that out. it’s so true that it may not be overtly intended, but it’s still so important to name and for people to change

[@Ian_Jules]

@@goshdarnsilly Agree on the sad but not completely shocked. If anything, I'm a little surprised Shaaba and Jamie's specific audience would have much trouble with this. There may be different layers of funky parasocial dynamics in play here.

[@someonewithazeldaprofilephoto]

Yeah me too. I wondered if it's Jamie's fans that only watch the podcast for Jamie or something. A lot of fans of his I've seen don't even know Shaaba exists.

[@sarahallegra6239]

Seriously, that’s crazy! Shaaba is so sweet and always goes out of her way to fully explain where she’s coming from and her thought processes. It’s really sad that people are being mean to her, especially in situations where she and Jamie share the same opinion 😢

[@vcutler4735]

The idea of giving the dead wife's jewelry to the new wife instead of the daughter, marrying the new wife a year after the first wife died (after being snuck in!!) and the dad not obviously standing up for their daughter... anyone else getting the new wife was the affair partner vibes? Also glad Jamie brought up the fact its weird to take the previous wife's jewelry its so weird!!

[@Shoulderpads-mcgee]

TRUEEEE

[@lawan7]

YES!!!

[@jeddybear5909]

I don't necessarily agree with this. I understand where you're coming from but we also have to understand that older people move faster than younger people. I don't think it was said how old the father is in the OP but from experience, my father-in-law just over a year after his divorce entered into a new relationship with someone else. His new partner wasn't waiting in the wings for the divorce, he is in his 50s, he just knows what he wants. The handing the dead wife's jewelry over to the new wife is very icky though.

[@Just_Reading_Comments]

@@jeddybear5909 Its not even just starting a new relationship after a year but to be marrying that new partner in just a years time after the death of the wife that gives the ick vibes. I’m 45. I don’t think I could lose my partner of at least 17 years (since the child was 16) and meet, date, and marry someone else in a year. That sounds incredibly fast. Also since he has a 16 year old he may not be in his 50s. My child is 28. Most of my friends with children that are around 16 are 36-40.

[@booklovr7]

Well also, aside from the theorizing about an affair or not, think about the amount of time you would need to spend with someone in order to decide you want to get married if their relationship truly did only start after the mother died. You would likely be spending so much time together, in fact, that you would not be able to sufficiently be there to support your child who is grieving the loss of their mother. Plus, in order for you to be that ready to start a relationship, and given the way he’s acting in this relationship vs OP’s perception of the one with the mother, if the mother got a terminal diagnosis, he may have checked out and just chalked it up to a failure of a relationship and started moving on in his mind instead of trying to treat her well in the time she had left.

[@Rikrobat]

I'm sad that this podcast had to start with a discussion of how there is a growing unkind sentiment towards Shaaba's responses, where her words are being taken to an extreme that isn't helpful for learning or empathy. However, it's an important concern to call out if it's affecting Shaaba's wellbeing in this space. It's okay to have differing opinions when it comes to the rulings, but attacking someone's moral character is uncool and regressive. Thank you to Shaaba and Jamie for having this chat, even if it because of an unhappy situation.

[@MissSam]

Something to say about the first story - parents blaming you for being "too expensive" and "eating away money" is just horrible and causes a kind of trauma that's very hard to deal with. Honestly, just hugs for OP, their family situation sounds awful.

[@Kimshu6]

Honestly! My parents never said anything like that to me, but you can tell when you're... comparatively not as well off as other families as a kid. I have ADHD and I'm not sure if I ever knew the whole situation, but one time my mom asked me if I thought I could go off my ADHD medicine as a kid (to save a bit of money). I wanted to help so I did for a bit but apparently I started doing worse in school. So my teacher(s?) had a meeting with her about me and she said something like "She was so sweet, she gave up her medicine to help me but we'll get her back on it as soon as we can". I remember another time I got a check or savings bond from my grandma and she asked if she could have it cause she needed help. I gave it to her. I don't want it to sound like my mom was depriving me of care or we were super in the hole, I think some months we were just better than others and she needed that little extra occasionally. I was happy to help, but it has made asking for her money now (for more necessary things like clothes or groceries) hard because I feel guilty at having to ask. She's still happy to let me use it though.

[@hellochildren3780]

100% agree. My family is sort of well off (we get by without having to be paycheck to paycheck) but I was told as a teen (13ish) by my mums partner that I'm "eating too much" and I know that money got tight for a while and was aware of the stress. So now I have trauma around using and accepting money and letting people buy me things that they offer to buy me. It's really not a fun time having to almost constantly think about money everytime you're out with people

[@CinziaDuBois]

I've been a silent watcher of you for years, and the introduction prompted me to send you love, Shaaba. I don't read my comments anymore either because they've been incredibly cutting recently and are deeply personal. I know you won't read this, but I'm hoping by writing it, I send lovely energy into your universe. I'm sending you so much love and kind thoughts-you're both beautiful souls.

[@Casutama]

I very much hope I'm not intruding (I never expected to find you on this channel, but I'm so glad to see you here!) but I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your videos. I love how you present information and how especially recently you've been talking more about personal / academic life things, which has helped me deal with my own deadline stress better! Sending lots of love your way!

[@sarahallegra6239]

Lady of the Library! So happy to find you here, even happier to see you supporting Shaaba. Not surprised, just pleased. Thank you for spreading light and positivity in the world!

[@booksandharps]

hi both! Just chiming in with my perspective as an autistic queer woman :) it's been studied that autistic people are more likely to be LGBTQ+ and, while I understand that it might be quite difficult as a parent to have unexpected conversations with your kids, especially when they think differently than you do (I get the vibe dad is NT), I feel it's extra important to raise autistic kids as queer-positively and knowledgably as possible, as the internalised homophobia/transphobia could be harder to overcome for autistic kids (e.g. "I can't be X that means I won't follow society's rules!"). Don't think he was intentionally or otherwise homophobic, just something for him and other parents of autistic kids to consider :) Also thank you for calling out the community Shaaba! It's so important that people remember to check themselves and that this should be a safe space on the Internet xx

[@kristalpower292]

I love your perspective. I’m a ND (ADHD) cis woman who tries listen to LGBTQ+ perspectives. I teach a lot of students who are neurodivergent as well. I’ve noticed after I’ve answered a question I’ve not done a great job at explaining something and your right it can take time to correct any misinformation or misinterpretation that has occurred. So far it’s been about academic things so I’ve had success addressing it and making up for my mistake. What I’ve learned from this is when a child asks me a question and I’m not 100% sure or I know I need time to consider how to best answer because I know my impulsivity and tangent thinking could make a mess of the explanation I have the following response. (Student name) that is a fantastic question. I’m going to write it down so I don’t forget it. When we have choice time/genius hour we can research this together or I can research it and share my findings at the end. The alternative to this is acknowledging the excellent thought provoking question. I’m going to add it to our list of wonderings. I know some people and a few FB groups where I could post your question to get an experts perspective (person with lived experience). It make take some time to get a response. During our KWL review if it’s still a wondering I can answer it then. I can usually just say I’m writing it down to save for later as I set this routine up at the start of the year. If it’s directly related to the learning intention I do a think aloud through the Google search. When it comes to PDHPE topics of relationships I generally keep it super simple or write a note to the parent with the question on it and encourage the student to ask family/trusted adults the question by giving them the note.

[@crazycatchick4111]

Aro/Ace with ASD here, thank you for this comment it saved me time and effort from doing so myself😅

[@PirateQueen1720]

As another autistic queer person, 100% agree! It's good for everyone to be educated, of course, but...yeah. You can see that this probably started with the kid just being a tad literal-minded about the conversation that happened (as I know I 100% did all the time as a kid and sometimes still do!). But I hope the dad did stop digging in his heels and figured out how to expand the facts to give his son a more accurate picture.

[@tabitas.2719]

So interesting, 'cause I was wondering whether (due to the genetic component) dad was lower support needs ASD and therefore couldn't fathom apologizing when he didn't see where the fault lay. I could see it either way. Whether the parent is NT or ND, however, doesn't change your point. I fully agree - thanks! :)

[@tabitas.2719]

@@kristalpower292 And the world would be a better place if we all took that approach to answering questions!

[@anacsadder]

It's really interesting that Shaaba brought up subconscious biases at the beginning of the video. During the second story, I found myself thinking "eh, NAH" until the OP brought up the phrase "I was just stating a biological fact." MOST of the time, when I see that phrase online someone is being anti-trans or misogynistic. The real kicker is that sometimes the person using the phrase is referring to some over-simplified concept that they learned decades ago as children and are refusing to adapt their view of the concept as new information becomes available. OP may not have had bad intentions, but he used a phrase that people with bad intentions use a lot, in a situation where those people frequently use it, and my brain's knee-jerk reaction was to lump OP in with those people.

[@blackk_rose_]

Yeah, same. There are certain phrases that will immediately make my anti-queer-radar light up red and the biological fact one is definitely one of those.

[@leggyegg2890]

@@blackk_rose_ Honestly even when it’s got nothing to do with trans or LGBTQIA+ stuff my automatic reaction to phrases like ‘it’s a biological fact’ puts my guard up (difficult when I’m studying biomedical science). Obviously it goes down really quickly after I consider the context and intention and it’s never been an issue, but it’s very true (and upsetting) that some words and phrases just can’t be heard the same way now.

[@henrysansone5501]

Yes! And even though the intentions likely weren't bad and I don't need to lump this person in with bigots necessarily, it reveals to me at least that this is a person who is not considering that trans people exist in the world. Like the "2 boys can never make a baby" statement makes me feel icky - that actually is a transphobic thing to say imo. (but in the vein of our experiences influence our lens, I'm a gay trans man who runs into this kind of thinking way too often). Could just be run of the mill lack of experience / relationships with trans people on the dad's part, which is okay, but my guard is definitely still up. Ah survival mechanisms. Having to explain I exist over and over, while not bigotry, is still marginalization in and of itself. *sigh*

[@pameladavies337]

#1 guessing dad and step-mom were not strangers while mom was alive.

[@nicolorange]

I got that vibe too..

[@thegoryarts4363]

As a swedish person who is in education to become a teacher and who has worked in schools with kids age 8 before: We as teachers are held to the standard of calling out any suspisions of discrimination and making sure all kids get an equal education regarding their identity. This leads to these kinds of calls with parents where we try to make sure the kids are aware of this even from home. Hope this made sense.❤

[@thegoryarts4363]

Regardless of identity*

[@tylerrslays]

this is so sad. i usually don’t check the comments of the podcast vids, and i hate that people are singling you out shaaba. comparing throwing popcorn to gay marriage and beastality is insane

[@emilyfallaw5912]

The comment was taken out of context. Several times in this video, Shaaba brings up a hypothetical situation to play with the ideas at hand, such as the apples example. Her popcorn argument was an example of the slippery slope fallacy, another example of which is the idea of the gay marriage to bestiary pipeline. Of course, there are things wrong with the latter idea other than the fact that it's a slippery slope fallacy, but it's an extreme example to prove the point. Slippery slope arguments are inherently wrong because they don't logically make sense, and that was the main difference between Shaaba's take and Jamie's in that video. I'm sure there are examples of people criticizing Shaaba and not Jamie when they make the same argument because of misogyny and racism, but that is not one of them. They were making different arguments.

[@annasofie9830]

@@emilyfallaw5912 if you're then singling someone out because you think the slippery slope fallacy is wrong to use, then why are you criticising them by using the slippery slope fallacy yourself and accusing them of saying something they never said?

[@emilyfallaw5912]

@@annasofie9830 How am I doing that?

[@Oggy_the_Moggy]

The Swedish guy reminded me of when my son was in preschool and they did a low level eye screening for the kids and it showed that he has astigmatism in both eyes. When I picked him up I was talking with his teacher about it and he asked why he had to go to a doctor and I said that it wasn't anything bad, he just got his father's eyes. That freaked him out big time, he thought I meant that he took his dad's eyes from him and his dad didn't have eyes anymore. I was struggling to explain on a biological level when that wasn't what he was understanding at all. Finally his paternal grandmother explained it in a way that made sense to him (using God unfortunately but at least he understood) and he calmed down. He and I had a very rocky relationship to start with because I couldn't figure out how to simplify things for a child to understand. Now he loves coming to me with questions because I'll give him actual information with my responses 😅

[@s.a.4358]

Kids can take things so literally and it is sometimes hard for adults to remember that, I think. I don’t think Swedish dad meant things badly. He probably just answered the question from the point of view of cis men not getting pregnant, but the child extrapolated it to gay people never being parents. He also made the correlation between kissing and making babies. I do agree that OP should have another conversation with his son and he open to the idea that he didn’t explain things enough, but I don’t think he was intentionally the drama.

[@emmaoh4051]

My friend had a child that was crying every morning when they drop them off at preschool. They couldn’t figure out way until they by chance went by the preschool one weekend. The kid asked were all the children were. It turned out that because he as picked up early in the afternoon they believed that all the children that was picked up later never got picked up. Their parents had stopped picking them up for some reason. This was a very loved and happy child so there was no other apparent reason they would doubt their parents motivation to pick them up. It was just something that their mind had made up as an explanation for why they had never seen some of the children go home 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@Insertia_Nameia]

The human brain likes to fill in the gaps when it doesnt know things. As a kid it's not a problem because kids dont always have the development to question it and ask questions. The problem is when adults do this and dont actually look and see ofbthats the reason, they just assume their idea is correct amd refuse tonchange their mind on it.@@emmaoh4051

[@rage_of_aquarius]

Having been an Autistic kid, I would have totally appreciated your tactics. I was never satisfied with the explanations people gave children. Lucky my mother was a scientist and very anti-censorship. 😂

[@LouiseHultcrantz]

​@@emmaoh4051 Oh bless them❤ that's so sad (but I feel bad because I also kinda giggled a bit at that logic)

[@danielsykes7558]

43:30 this is why I'm glad Shaaba decided to call it "am I the drama" because you can be the drama without being the a-hole. & Those are the learning moments

[@s.a.4358]

We are all the drama sometimes. We may not intent to but we will inevitably do things wrong and hurt people.

[@MsSnapeGirl]

I just cannot get used to the “am I the drama” thing. I cringe every time I hear it.

[@friday5237]

@@MsSnapeGirl I think it's cute

[@thequeerrunner5745]

My lovely Shaaba, I am so proud of you for speaking out. That didn't seem easy for you. Whether or not it's unconscious bias or whatever, it's not fair. I like to think of your channel as your house. I wouldn't be rude to you in your house. I have teased you and noticed it's had a lasting effect, and that kills me (use your scottish accent, my love, please lol I feel bad, I was messing with you, but these things are often missed via text, esp when there's a one sided parasocial thing going on). But go you absolutely for calling us out. I know I, for one, am always happy to be called out. We all always have room to grow. My respect for you will always continue to increase.

[@thecraziestcrayon]

"well, I've seen you in the morning" you two are adorable. I love the banter

[@riinamiin]

the starting discussion made me really sad, tbh as a brown woman I relate to it heavily, it happens even with my close friends where the one or two white ppl in our group will say something, I’ll say a joke in reference and everyone piles up on me, even other queer and ppl of color its a really hard line to walk for sure but im goad you shared it because it is something that is important to address.

[@raynabild]

'Channel your inner heartstopper' 😂 I love that so much Also I think op COULD be not homophobic but maybe transphobic with the phrase 'biological fact' because thats an argument I've heard

[@missnaomi613]

Yeah, that phrase definitely has unfortunate connotations these days.

[@Shoulderpads-mcgee]

Definitely has dogwhistle vibes

[@sonnentausnest]

I'm a bit torn on this. As a trans person the "biological fact" wording is very loaded for me. But then again, if I was cis, straight and not heavily involved in the LGBT community, I might not know how much these words are used by transphobes. 🤷 I've been told before to please change the way I say things because my words were (unknowingly and absolutely unintentionally) offensive to Roma. I apologized and learned. But I give people the benefit of the doubt in situations like this one. TL;DR: He may simply not know better.

[@Just_Reading_Comments]

@@sonnentausnest ehhh idk. I’m cis, straight, and only fairly recently started being involved in the LGBTQIA+ community online plus I’m “old” and still know that dog whistle for what it is.

[@sonnentausnest]

@@Just_Reading_Comments Yeah, maybe you're right. I've been known to give "benefit of the doubt" too much 😅

[@InThisEssayIWill...]

As a parent of an autistic teen, I can promise you it's relevant. In my experience If I tried to explain something after they had asked (what they assumed was) a simple question, at that age, the eyes just gloss over.. even if Dad had attempted a deeper discussion, if it's not relevant to their subject of immediate interest it just doesn't sink in. I would have had to circle back to it later and build on the previous conversation little bits at a time. (A practice which can be excruciating for me, who is also autistic, and likes to info dump myself.)

[@PirateQueen1720]

Sticking to what they actually want to know is a good rule with kids in general. However, speaking as another autistic person...we do often have a tendency to be literal-minded, which may be partly how the miscommunication happened! It only takes a few more words to say there are other ways to have kids. If the child cares about that (as it sounds like he does) he can ask more details. If not, that would suffice.

[@Whirlbee]

Teen autistic me wanted (and still wants) to know every detail & the more information the better, for me this would be only really being about needing that information to be completely accurate because of how literal my brain is

[@LiamNayru]

No idea if you'll see this but I want to make something clear immediately. Whilst I adore this podcast and listen to it religiously every Monday - if you need to take a break due to some of the unjust harassment you've been receiving, please do so. I hope I speak for your whole community when I say that you deserve to rest. This may be entertainment for us, and for you, but it's also a job - and everyone needs a holiday from time to time. Rest, take mental health days all you need - we will always be waiting when you come back. We love you both

[@Trish620]

Shaaba i love watching your channel. I can feel your pain a little bit. I am white, so i cant relate to that. I am however an overweight woman who is married to a handsome white man. Whether its sexism, or pretty privilege i am treated much better when my husband isnt there. Like once i broke my leg, and HAD to have ny husband take me to the doctor when i looked awful. They only spoke to him and not me. The woman told him i was totally fine and overreacting, that i just twisted my ankle (she didnt fully examine it) and that i can walk it off. I had to live off of cbd for a week, before they would give me an MRI. Turns out i had a broken tibia, ligaments and a tendon. Uuugh. Living in Utah, which is a very patriarchal state I have seen how much better i am treated when my husband isnt with me, which is very horrible. Its not your fault, and this phenomenon is so real. Edit: I have to add good job for calling it out. Your feelings are valid.

[@animeartist888]

Ironically, I've noticed the opposite. People seem to take my opinions more seriously when my hubby is there by my side. Granted, it may be because he's tall and has a bit of resting bitch face, so he's a little intimidating ahahaha but the effect is there regardless.

[@asyabellia6791]

As a visibly disabled white woman, there's no chance most doctors would even look at me (let alone speak to me directly) if another able bodied person was in my vicinity. At grocery stores (especially ones where I'm not a regular), I have to speak up, otherwise the cashier will lump my shopping with that of the abled person before me by default, thinking I'm with them (Heaven forbid disabled people go out on their own). I cannot imagine how visibly disabled black women are treated, especially in a country like Italy.

[@codasylphanthi2187]

"no, I frequently sit by a lake eating raw fish" sent me. Although, also, not a bad way to spend an afternoon.

[@whamloverfr]

every monday i forget its AITA day and i get so excited when i see the notification. love you guys 🫶🫶 also shaaba your hair looks amazing in this vid! its sad to see that people are starting to become harsher and i’m glad you felt able to voice that

[@stuxinator8187]

omg same, even if I know it's Monday, I always forget what that means

[@AJDudz12]

37:56 😂😅😭 this hit hard for me because I found out my kiddo was going around at school telling other kids that "God isn't real". We of course didn't know right away but did keep having issues with him feeling bullied for "being weird". It all came to a head in music class when he and several other kids got into a screaming match.....so that's how I found out my kid was insisting to others that God wasn't real. Please note that what I said to him at the time is "different people believe different things, what do you believe?" He said "I don't believe God is real" and in the end I basically said then that's what's right for him.....and 6 months later I found out that he took that to mean he was right, anyone else was wrong, and it was his responsibility to "tell the truth" 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@GeeslinsNerdRoom]

I'm a teacher and one thing my mentor would say when kids would being up heaven and hell is, "Some people believe that." I really appreciated this approach to religion. Now if kids want to talk about it I say, "People believe many different things about what happens after we die. Some people believe our spirit goes somewhere else, some people believe we are born again, and some believe it's just like falling asleep. I wish I could tell you what will happen, but the truth is I don't know because I've never died before. It's one of the great mysteries of life, and you can believe whatever you'd like."

[@gilesluver]

#1 If there's something with OP's name on it, or that her mother had made because of OP (charm bracelets etc), SM and dad are callous af. Are we sure she wasn't his bit on the side while mum was alive?

[@solsystem1342]

I don't think we have enough to speculate on that for this situation and honestly, I don't really get when people do that in general about people I know irl. Like, it's really hard to tell from the outside how long a relationship has been going for. Moving on too quickly for someone could be time enough for someone else. That being said the dad's still got to look out for his kid. For crying out loud dropping off the kid for a step parent blowing up on them? 😢

[@gilesluver]

There is a bill in Missouri (US state) that would make discussing/explaining social transitioning with a student a sex crime. I kid you not. Happy Sweden doesn't have similar laws for discussing explaining LGBTQ subjects.

[@sunnykinnie4life]

Wtfff, how would that be a sex crime??!! I should go to Sweden lol, the US is getting crazy

[@gilesluver]

@@sunnykinnie4life inappropriate behavior? I have no idea, They eliminated some legitimate sex crimes to highlight it too.

[@sunnykinnie4life]

@@gilesluver what did they eliminate to make that legal???

[@joanfregapane8683]

As an American currently living in Texas, this trend in Republican led states is disgusting. Those in control of the education systems in the Republican states seem to think that knowledge is evil, hurtful and/or harmful to children - an attitude that is so wrong and perverse!

[@Amethystar]

I feel like a lot of conservatives think that sx education is going into excruciating detail about positions and showing explicit videos instead of just an education. I also believe that too many people still mystify sx and treat it like this out-of-reach thing that you can't understand until you're married, and that's not good enough for a lot of young people. I think if it was taught more clinically and matter-of-factly instead of "I really wish I didn't have to talk about this," a lot of young people wouldn't find it quite as mysterious and might think more about how it could affect their life instead of having no idea at all. This is coming from someone who is still learning to be comfortable with certain words.

[@Nyxxeonn]

I'm very proud of you Shaaba for speaking up about this, it can be difficult to speak up, especially against your own audience cause some people might not have meant it in a rude way but that doesn't invalidate your feelings about it or how it comes across. We're allowed to have different opinions and voice those opinions but people should learn from your actual videos when you and Jamie disagree but still treat each other with respect.

[@talithompson5107]

I noticed that dynamic as well! You are absolutely correct. I hope this will get better, and we should all try and call this out if we see it happening.

[@hollierushby]

The rotting corspe comment made me giggle so much. My mum from a very young age of about 5 used to say, "I'm not rotting in the ground being eaten by maggots. Burn me, " but we were bought up where there is no heaven and hell. That when you are gone you are gone. I just accepted it.

[@debshaw680]

As an atheist who raised 3 kids, you tell them not to talk about religion. They understand that from a young age. My son at 9 yrs old got bullied really badly by some Christian kids. It got so bad I had to address it with the principal. Had to hand over my lawyer’s card and told them if it didn’t stop, they’d be hearing from her. All because he didn’t discuss religion. It’s the Christian kids who are the problem. But it’s safest for them to just say they’re not allowed to talk about religion because that’s not a part of school.

[@aprildawnsunshine4326]

My family is pagan and holy cow the bullying has been horrendous from the christian children. They tell my kid constantly that I'm evil and relentlessly nag her about going to church with them. It started at the beginning of the school year and took until now for the teachers to even acknowledge the kids were misbehaving! One girl spent 3 days constantly bothering my child and all the teachers did was mark them Both down for being "off task." It's at the point my kid wants to change schools and not tell the new classmates her religion 😢 unfortunately I know from experience it's not going to help. My eldest dropped out of the religion due to exactly this kind of bullying after it followed her from school to school. At this point I'm considering moving 3hrs away to an economically disadvantaged area just because there's a larger community of pagans there.

[@BlueSewist]

Shaaba, I just want to say I have watched many different youtubers AITA type series and yours is the only one I stick with. Not because we always have the same opinions (it's probably 50/50) but because you try so hard to see all sides of the story and really that is a big difference in how your videos focus on expanding our mindsets and seeing situations from a varied perspective! Keep being you Shaaba and I will be here suporting you 💙

[@rage_of_aquarius]

All of the examples given for "inappropriate" (e.g. reproduction, decaying corpses) discussions to have with 8 year olds are conversations I had with my mother as soon as I could string sentences together. Tis the product of having a biologist for a mum.

[@lisa92lotta]

37:29 My sisters and I grew up without religion. When I was 5 or 6, my mom explained "life after death" to me like this: "When a person dies, their body goes in the ground, where it is eaten by worms and turns into new soil. This soil feeds flowers, which in turn feed butterflies and bees. In this way, there is a piece of the deceased person in every butterfly or bee." And I still like the image of my grandparents flying around as hundreds of butterflies and bees.

[@nokiddingbrainless]

Great job speaking up about the uneven treatment of you in the comments, Shaaba. ♥ I hope people will take it to heart and question their knee-jerk responses before posting. Also, your hair looks absolutely magical in this video, I can't stop staring at it!

[@tabitas.2719]

To weigh in on the autistic 8yo's dad (?/parent): Due to the genetic component to autism, I wonder whether he is on the spectrum himself and there's been miscommunication between him and the teacher as well as our read... I've had conversations with my father where both of us would be taken very differently by outsiders. I'd love more info: - Was the teacher open/receptive to that add-on or did they cut off the dad before he could? - Is the father agitated by the (possible) accusation of dishonesty? (Honesty is a HUGE virtue to many/most autistics I've heard of/spoken to.) - How exactly did the conversation go? Because autistic kids can be very persistent with their questions and ask oddly specific things (that fall within their special interest/they have hyper-fixated on)... - Was he aware of all those nuances...? Like Shaaba said.

[@tabitas.2719]

At the end of the video, I hear you, and would amend my badge to NAH with a small YTA for digging in your heels.

[@roselover411]

For story 1 I definitely would be feeling really bothered as the kid in that situation. Even as someone who grew up with a single mom and a handful of different boyfriends/fiances, i definitely still know that i was always my mom's priority. I was more important than her men. She also really prized my keepsakes that i got from my MIA father, making absolutely sure only i would ever be allowed to get rid of them. She would never give anything of his away without checking with me first. I would be devastated if the roles were reversed and my dad gave my dead mom's jewelry to his new wife instead of asking me if i wanted any of it first. That with the behavior of the step mom and dad not standing up for OP, this is all a messy Ella Enchanted -esque situation that i do not like at all

[@friendly.felidae]

Devolving into golem comparison was so cute and wholesome. I hope the comments get better on here for you

[@jennthya6982]

Shaaba, you are not hiding behind the WOC card. You are not making it a bigger issue than it is! I love reading the comments on all the podcasts, and I have also noted the unbalanced criticism towards you. Unconscious bias is very likely a strong factor in commentors coming down much harder on your opinions than on Jamie's opinions. Just know that a lot of us peaches find you very insightful and relatable! ❤

[@jennifers5560]

I am still laughing from Shaaba’s laugh after “you’ve never read a newspaper in your life”. She has such a good laugh!

[@Grymmorot]

I will say that in Sweden it’s pretty normal to have kids books with accurate descriptions of baby making so he had probably seen books. So making babies can be seen as factual “not possible” having children are a different question. I would say this teacher stepped outside what they should do without having a longer conversation. Also

[@maranathaschraag5757]

I love that Shaaba says "squish" instead of "kid" or "child". lol that's adorable

[@leeshaolivier9298]

Hi all, Special Education teacher here! I am American ( weep for me!), but I agree that it seems like OP was trying to answer his Autistic child's questions the best way he could in the moment. The teacher is a rock star ( I would be fired for that).

[@sdfghjasdfghjk8175]

Glad you addressed the bias against you, Shaaba. I feel that a lot of us stop at knowing it's there, rather than calling it out. Rather than doing something about it. Thank you for the reminder to stay actively learning and growing, and to be kind. From a longtime fan and someone continually working to aboid ignorance.

[@SushiWolfYT]

22:41 I agree with both Shaaba and Jamie. It does feel like the dad is letting the SM walk over him a bit, and how he’s not standing up for their own child is weird. Another point I agree with that Shaaba pointed out was “they may be a difficult child, but there’s almost always a reason.” My 11y brother is currently in 6th grade. One of his friends was abused at home and it showed at school. The kid was highly vulgar and aggressive, but fortunately he was sent to a different school away from their parents

[@lostinmymind8147]

Wooow the hair is GORGEUS!!

[@uniraffesaur]

Bless The Click for introducing me to Jamie and thus allowing me to discover Shaaba, as well. Jaime and Shaaba’s marriage heals my soul.

[@eggs1249]

you guys are so cute i can't- gosh also shaaba, brownie for you for addressing the comments!!

[@annabrown3337]

Well done shaaba ❤ thank you for being vulnerable, honest and an excellent example 😘

[@silvermoon2281]

Thank you Shaaba for putting yourself out there and speaking up about the disparity with the comments! I think even though a lot of us are aware of subconscious bias as a general concept, we might not be as perceptive of it in the moment when we’re watching different KZbin videos, and it’s absolutely something that needs to be called out. The perspective you use isn’t purely personal, it’s absolutely an observed phenomenon, and I appreciate you speaking about it. 💖

[@KC-zb6gm]

Hi Shaaba just want to say I have noticed on these older videos what you’ve talked about here about negative comments. I’m a bit behind binging these and the comments have seemed a bit rude. I hope the newer videos have been kinder. You come across very empathetic articulate and you seem to look at all angles. We all have our own perspectives I appreciate hearing yours.

[@abigailrhodes4231]

"the teacher was way out of line and you can raise your child however you want and the teacher shouldn't have a thing to say about it" is very bootstraps American-conservative coded

[@katharineeavan9705]

My son is also autistic and does the long conversations on how the world works and why. I find the best approach is usually to start simple but true and go from there, and to make yourself EXTREMELY comfortable saying "I don't know, but this is what I think. What do you think? Shall we look it up?" Sometimes it gets uncomfortable. Sometimes it leads to learning things yourself. Sometimes you think you're going to tell a very age appropriate, easy to understand version of a topic and instead find yourself debating the merits of the death penalty and incarceration with a small child. He's 11 now and I've lost count of the amount of times he's surprised me in either direction with his understanding or knowledge of a topic.

[@gpjones1986]

The guy with the autistic kid questioning if he's said anything homophobic... one point I think was missed and needs considering is autism does have genetic components, especially in biologically males on a DNA level. This dad trying to explain to his autistic kid could possibly have autistic traits himself if not undiagnosed autism. And when caught off guard its not uncommon for people on the spectrum to fall back on black and white "facts" as citations for their opinion. Not saying this is the case but both my brother and partner are both fully allies and very accepting if LGBTQ+ (we have many friends and colleagues in the community) but I'm sure in this position they would have panicked and reacted exactly the same when challenged by the teacher. That being said they'd then talk to is about how they would explain this to the kid better and then explain to the kid. The digging the heels in as a defensive response isn't uncommon in autism as social interactions and unexpected confrontation is difficult. Especially if confronted about something that's been a misunderstanding, being misunderstood especially on a subject like this can cause great rapid anxiety. My point is perhaps dad is maybe ASD too or at least has traits and his defensive response was due to rapid social anxiety and not being able to effectively communicate as a consequence. Just a thought I had...

[@Kjane921]

I was thinking that exact thing too

[@thecolorjune]

One note, autism isn’t a male disorder. My sister and I are both autistic, and so is my dad. It can affect everyone. The higher prevalence in males is likely bc of socialization and there being much more research on autistic boys so it’s easier to spot. But that’s just my two cents.

[@coda3223]

Autism does tend to run in families and a very common trauma trigger for autistic people (especially autistic people who are undiagnosed or diagnosed late) is being misunderstood and assumed to have ill intent or lying when trying to clarify the misunderstanding. It's a very common experience due to the Double Empathy Problem, but autistic people are often assigned blame when it happens. His response might not have been as defensive as folks are perceiving and/or the defensiveness might have come from this trauma trigger and not rooted in homophobia or transphobia.

[@soundlessbee]

I agree with you and can well see, why the conversation with the teacher didn't go well. The teacher basically told the dad his child had been mistreated and then went on by blaming the dad of homophobia. He also states that there were months between the incidents, so he might not have even remembered the first conversation with the child while he was talking to the teacher. If I were in this situation, I would prefer if the teacher had called about the kissing incident immediately and brought up the possible homophobia at some other time. From the child's comment or even hearing a kid saying their parent told that two men can't have babies, I wouldn't have come to the conclusion that the parent must be a homophobe. If a child says dad told me that two men kissing is disgusting, then sure call out the parent. Just because an eight-year-old doesn't know all nuances about different kind of families, the parent hasn't necessarily done a bad job. I think the teacher could have easily given the kid the additional information and told the child there are other ways to have a family. Isn't that how kids learn things anyhow, they learn simplified versions first and as they grow, they get the details? I would tag this as NAH.

[@gpjones1986]

@thecolorjune I agree 100% my original post was based on the fact the kid is on the spectrum and the dad showed signs of potentially being the same. It's not a male disorder I agree but the distinction I felt was relevant to the person discussed. There is an issue with girls being undiagnosed and the difference is significant but more recent studies are showing that even without the gender buas there still seems to be a higher prevalence in males although the ratio gsp is smaller. but gender aside there is still a genetic compinent and my point is theres a good possibility an autustic kid has an autistic parent (or at least the oarent has autistic traits).

[@skypancake7]

I'm happy you brought that up in the beginning of this episode! Now that you say that. I have been noticing that in the recent comments. Thank you for voicing your concerns, hopefully the comment section will grow from this!

[@Mx-Alba]

Hey Shaaba, thanks for that call-out! Very courageous but also very necessary, unfortunately. Also, your hair looks amazing today!

[@Dojan5]

0:50 - I relate to this so much. I giggle and joke around when I'm nervous or uncomfortable. I'm also really bad with social situations, so when I'm interacting with someone I don't really know, I tend to sit there like a fool, giggling and joking about things. This is annoying at the best of times, but downright horrible when you're in a situation where you want to be taken seriously (doctors appointment, wage negotiations, you name it) and you're there all "😂🤪". I can mostly control the jokes, but the giggling... I hate myself for it.

[@berrysnowyboy5251]

Hey Ms. Shaaba and Mr. Jamie (it's good to see y'all again) 😊

[@Trash_panda_confused]

YESS A NEW PODCAST EPISODE

[@nyahtonks3914]

everyone in the comments has the same opinion here: shaaba and jamie are NTD for the discussion at the beginning, and brownie badges to u both, Shaaba for having the courage to speak up for urself (it’s so hard to do!) and Jamie for validating Shaaba the whole time! also for the very beautiful delay of healthy communication that we talk abt so much on this channel *ik that it wasn’t a question but i thought that it would be fun to put the comment in a context that matches the video lol ♥️ xx

[@conlon4332]

Second story: I agree with everything you said in the first part - it sounds like there were some misunderstandings, but that the father was doing his best to explain in a way his son could understand, likely without any time to think about how he could explain it, and I really don't think he was being homophobic. I think his reaction to the teacher insinuating he was homophobic was a very natural defensive reaction. He did his best, he wasn't being homophobic, and now he's being accused of being something he's not and suddenly being told he's in the wrong when he thought he was doing everything right. Yes, maybe he should have taken responsibility for the miscommunication, but that's not an easy thing to do, especially when you're suddenly getting accused of being something you never wanted to be. It was a very normal defensive reaction, and I think the only thing that says about him is that he struggles to take criticism. I definietly don't think he was at all homophobic. 31:29 Children are taught half-truth ALL THE TIME, for better or for worse. I tend to think for worse, as it means kids have to later unlearn what they're taught, which is unnecessarily confusing, but this is so normal to do and not a problem specific to this dad. I don't know how many times I was taught in school that something was always true, only to be taught a few years later that there are a whole bunch of exceptions. It's not that hard to mention that there are exceptions! But it's such a common thing and not something that's fair to blame this dad specifically for. Edit again: NTA. I think especially in that situation of sudden accusation, it's really hard not to be defensive. Yes his reaction certainly wasn't the most ideal one, but I think it was very understandable. I don't think it's fair to be too hard on him. It's not easy to face a sudden accusation like that when you were always trying to do the right thing, and you don't see what you did wrong. Frankly I'm not even sure he did do anything wrong. Maybe not ideal, in both the answer to his son and the response to criticism, but he answered the question as asked, and I don't think in a biased way. Yes, it would have been better to add more context, but when you're being bombarded with questions it's not always possible to think on your feet enough to give as full an answer as might be ideal, especially when it's not a topic you think about often. Yeah, definietly NTA. I understand why he said he did nothing wrong, especially when suddenly faced with those accusations.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

1:58 I’ve noticed that and I don’t like it. I hate those people who think they’re being honest by being rude.

[@berrysnowyboy5251]

Exactly. Especially people who think they're doing others a favour by being honest without consideration of others' feelings.

[@lilycrowther4731]

There’s a wonderful book called “making a baby” that explains all the different ways families can be made in very child friendly language. It’s got lovely illustrations and has great representation, it’d be perfect for this dad and his son!

[@misxfitx]

Shaaba has a very Kant way of thinking and that's perfectly valid and acceptable. i may disagree but that's the beauty of socializing, learning about different perspectives

[@UntitledWorkInProgress]

I’ve experienced situations where requesting for gifts I’d given to be returned to me felt like the right thing to do ~ my relationship with my family gradually deteriorated over many years of disfunction and abuse, and there were several moments where I caught my siblings in the process of throwing my gifts away, and there are still moments when my mother abuses my gifts as an excuse for her abusive behavior, claiming them as proof that she was a beloved mother and that my current feelings towards her and my childhood are imagined and therefore invalid. So anyway that’s one reason to ask for your gifts back 🤷🏼

[@UntitledWorkInProgress]

Not that this is really relevant to the AITD story, nor does it reflect on my opinion of who might be or not be the drama, I just wanted to throw that out there as an example for anyone who might’ve wondered about what kinds of scenarios could lead to asking for gifts back. And hey maybe I was the drama for asking for my gifts back, idk what do you think, AITD? /lighthearted but also genuinely curious to hear your opinions ✌️☺️

[@UntitledWorkInProgress]

I’m realizing I focused on the aspect of asking for them back, but what I think is more of a reason I could be the drama is that I felt/feel entitled to have control over what happened/s to my gifts. Not as much anymore but so much so back then that my asking was in many cases basically just performative, bc I did take my gifts back regardless of the answers, which also led to me stealing some back in some cases like with my mother, and those actions I do feel a bit like the drama for doing. I think we were all kinda the drama in different ways, and I definitely had my moments of behaving very poorly, but idk I can’t really fully regret rescuing my gifts back, I just wish I could’ve done it in a less toxic way.

[@UntitledWorkInProgress]

For added context these gifts were handmade by me so they’re particularly special to me, and they were also made in admiration of the recipients and things I associated with them. They were a way for me to connect with them and their interests, but I also would never want them to feel forced to accept or reciprocate my gifts, so I don’t mind (at least not anymore) that they didn’t want them anymore, I understand and I’m glad they don’t feel obligated to keep things they don’t enjoy. I think they’ve probably grown from those experiences too, and same as me would’ve handled them differently had they had the life experience they have now.

[@Sarah-nd2gy]

The Dad being accused of homophobia - I can absolutely see how you interpreted that conversation and reached the conclusion. I actually heard it slightly different, so came at it from a different viewpoint. The way I heard that Dad had answered that question in a way he felt appropriate at the time, and teacher has gone in hard and accused him of homophobia, and his defenses have gone up as a result of her approach. Absolutely now that he has understood how that has lead to a misunderstanding on the part of his son he does need to sit down and have another conversation with him to rectify that, but that doesnt mean his original response to him was wrong, even if it was incomplete. But my brain took my interpretation of the conversation with the teacher that she was saying the simple fact he had said that at all meant that he was homophobic. If that was indeed her approach, the larger conversation probably the Dad should now be having with the son probably then got lost with both of them because she was too busy being accusatory and he was too busy defending what he originally said as being factually accurate (if only from the narrow place of 2 cis same sex people cannot create babies just the two of them on their own without additional assistance) and not coming from a place of homophobia. He hasnt actually commented about whether he intends having a further conversation with his son to recitify his understanding - maybe it was one of the first things he did after this conversation. All we know is that he took offence to what she said to him - was that because he didnt take accountability, or was that because she starting hurling accusations and he wasnt happy about that. I'm not saying any of us have interpreted that conversation the right way or the wrong way. You could well be right here. It is just interesting to me how you reached your conclusion because of the way you had heard the conversation in your head (which if I had heard it that way, I probably would have reached the same conclusion) and how I reached a different conclusion only because I heard it so very differently. I also reserve judgment about the teacher because, while I appreciate her tackling such an issue, it is very dependent on how she is tackling it. If she is trying to broach subjects along the lines of "your child said this, and I'm a bit concerned he may have heard something that has lead to a misunderstanding and I wanted to raise it with you so we could discuss how to best address that" then fantastic. I very much applaud that approach. If, however, she is phoning parents to say "your child said this. Why are you telling your child this - you are clearly homophobic" is probably not the right way to go about things. It is accusatory and judgmental and will never solve the issue - homphobic parents are likely to just double down and parents who are not homophobic are likely to just going to be angry at being called homphobic and will probably shut off from everything else (such as the idea that maybe they need to have a further conversation with their child) because they are so upset at the accusation. We dont know her approach, we only know his reaction and then only by brief description, so it is difficult to assess what she did here and whether she was indeed addressing this in an appropriate way

[@Kjane921]

I also think it’s interesting that Shaaba and Jamie kept saying op needs to acknowledge that he was wrong, because, the way I see it, he hadn’t done anything wrong before the convo with teacher. Given the number of steps between rainbow flag and making babies, I suspect kiddo was asking a lot of questions, dad was tired, and he didn’t want to open more question doors. That’s not wrong. Should he make some clarifications now? Sure. But if teacher was coming at this from an angle of “you’ve done something wrong,” I know my defenses would certainly go up and I might dig my heels in a bit.

[@s.a.4358]

I tend to agree with you. I think it is good that the teacher is paying attention to potential homophobia or prejudice on the part of parents, but calling the father homophobic without any other information is also dramatic. OP did not provide extensive information, but he was not wrong about the likelihood of a cis man to become pregnant. Considering the son made a correlation between kissing and making babies, I don’t think he has that much knowledge about how babies are actually made, so going into a discussion about different ways to become a parent might have been beyond at that moment.

[@alex_blue5802]

I have to agree, I don't think accusing someone of homophobia before hearing their side was the best way to handle it. I think that's part of why OP felt defensive in that moment.

[@bdhesse]

I'm trans, and I've given birth to two kids. My oldest is 7 and autistic (I'm also autistic). It's really not that difficult to explain different ways for LGBT families to have babies in a child friendly way. I agree that OP probably isn't being intentionally homophobic, I think he's just ignorant. However, he also needs to be willing to educate himself if he's going to do better in the future. "It's just the truth" is definitely toeing the line of bigotry (it's a common dog-whistle used by those who are transphobic), though.

[@arsonist127]

real!!! it’s not hard to explain things when you’re a good person and have decided not to be ignorant. i’m adhd autistic and also gay, ace and trans. i explained how i am a boy and wear makeup to my 9 year old second cousin very easily. kid is confused about how i am a boy: ”when babies are born, doctors say it is a boy or a girl or something. sometimes they get it completely wrong. it doesn’t always work out. but it’s okay, you don’t have to listen to others on things like that. others can’t tell me who i am, that wouldn’t be fair. i know who i am. i don’t like being called a girl, so others shouldn’t do that right?” kid understood and agreed. true, appropriate, clear. kid is confused about body parts: ”well you have arms, but they don’t make you who you are. you are your mind” kid thinks it’s funny and understands. kid is confused about baby making stuff: (i’ve never had to explain this yet) something along the lines of how bodies are different and there are many ways someone can have a child. just simplifying things appropriately. kid is confused about makeup or clothes: ”makeup is for making yourself look how you want to look. i think i look better with makeup, so i can use it if i want to.” and ”i like how this shirt looks and it’s comfortable. i can wear what makes me happy.” simple, true, makes sense to kid. name and pronoun changes can be explained like the 1st explanation. others try to decide but sometimes get it wrong. i’m autistic and my adhd is severe and i can still pretty easily think of how to effectively explain complex things to kids, who i also don’t understand much. if i can do it, all the complaining cishet parents can do it too fr..

[@emeraldqueen1994]

The second story is SIMILAR to something that happened to me recently. Context : I have a MILD disability where I need a walking cane (Cerebral Palsy or CP for short - cerebral means brain & palsy means movement - it affects the motor part of the brain and skeletal muscles) I ALSO have a lot of trauma from people wanting to help / hug me to the point where if I’m screaming “no” - “stop” or “don’t touch me” they act like I’m happily going along with the hug, even having my mom or a close friend (depending on who I’m with at the time) back me up doesn’t always work to teach them that, while yes, CP makes me have awkward balance, I’m an adult, if I need help, I’ll ask… I also LOVE fun costumes Story : I went to my physical therapy gym in my Easter Bunny costume to say hi to everyone even though I didn’t have an appointment that day. While I was sitting, talking with my physical therapist (we’ll call her “K”) the receptionist, who I barely know, practically kept over the desk, sat right next to me and started hugging me before I could even blink… all WAY to much, I was NOT comfortable with this, and EVERYONE ELSE knew I had a “don’t touch me without asking” boundary because of my trauma AND CP…. I’ve used the phrase “I felt like I was (r worded) to explain how I felt during that time…. Verdict : ESH - OP, didn’t have to get defensive with the teacher, the teacher didn’t have to get angry before she knew the whole story, OP’s kid could have said something like, “I don’t want to be kissed” instead of mentioning anything about the LGBTQ+ and lastly the other kid should have known better than to start kissing people without asking first - CONSENT IS CRITICAL - PERIOD, FULL STOP!

[@imgeniusish]

"Shaaba your moral compass has been crafted in the fires of Mordor" is the funniest thing ive heard in while omg, its so true too❤

[@villageidiot7584]

I've noticed the issue with the comments as well and I really hope that even though I have disagreed with Shaaba in the comments I haven't said anything mean or hurtful to her. Edit: I wanted to add that if I have said anything (though I don't recall and am admittedly too lazy to go back and find my comments) that was hurtful to Shaaba that I am sorry. I enjoy your videos and appreciate you providing with things like listen to while performing other tasks as that is a very important aspect of my day. Be well 💖

[@Dyejob01]

I LOVE you working together, more PLEASE!!

[@never_eat_soggy_waffles]

Channel your inner heart stopper really got me.

[@gilesluver]

Jamie, you can ask the Click questions about Sweden.

[@angelthedemon666]

The mutual playful teasing at around 23 minutes reminds me so much of my partner and I, the unserious insults that never actually hurt through big smiles, it's so sweet

[@auntlynnie]

I love hearing BOTH of your perspectives! I don’t always agree with one or the other of you, but I’ve learned so much from both of you. Much love! 💕

[@elliray]

I love that you (shaaba) are speaking up for yourself 💕 my thing with the popcorn throwing and how you were saying “throwing things/hitting people is ALWAYS bad” is that within that statement there is no room for nuance. Saying that things like that are always bad leaves no room for discussion around self defense and stuff like that, and also I can turn around your slippery slope of “excusing throwing things where will that lead to” by saying if throwing or hitting is always bad what happened when someone is attacking or harassing you and you need to hit them or throw something to keep yourself safe, if it’s always bad should I never do it even when I’m in danger? I know you would never say or think or encourage anything like that, that is just a way the things you said could be interpreted. I completely understand where you are coming from but I just wanted to put that out there 💕. And people using that to compare the slippery slope of gay marriage and beastiality is disgusting 🤮

[@elliray]

And I know you and Jamie when on to talk about context and nuance, but you didn’t leave room for nuance or care for context in the blanket rule statement you made

[@kate1618]

So glad for you to point out, what I have sometimes reflected on myself, before. There were times I disagreed with you, Shaaba, and always thought first about exactly the point you make here (is it just my internalized misogyny/ racism/...)... and I really hope I did a good job in sorting that out myself before commenting. So good on you to verbalize it! Your channel should absolutely feel safe and comfortable. 💝

[@Ehsgvfb]

loving the hair today!

[@r0siepurple853]

Shaaba was very brave by being honest about how the comment section was becoming a not great place! So proud ⭐️ And absolutely adore her hair this video! Rocking the curls! (Jamie looks great too!)

[@Castkett4ever]

Proud of you for standing up for yourself ❤❤❤

[@CsillanRose]

I almost never leave comments in comparison to how much I watch videos, but I just want to say I appreciate the discussion at the beginning and how thoughtful it was. Regardless of whether or not I’ve agreed with your opinions (though I do feel like largely we end up on the same page), I think you always both do an excellent job of explaining your thoughts and reasoning, so even when I disagree I definitely see where you’re coming from. I’m sorry that the comments have been more critical than normal recently, and I hope that the little chat you had at the beginning make people reflect before they impulsively type out a response that is perhaps worded more strongly than they mean (the internet does that to people, it’s weird)

[@melissavanniekerk6315]

Shaaba's face dropping at the first AITA title was so funny 😂

[@A_T216]

Love to hear your thoughts on these stories, Shaaba! I especially love when they differ from my own because it challenges my own thinking. Your kindness and consideration shines through in every video, and it's a treat to be a viewer!

[@idic7067]

I watch all of y'alls channels on TV, so I never see the comments. Who could have guessed that Shaaba can still find a way to be graceful, even in the face of deliberate, unnecessary meanness? Oh, wait...we could guess, as you always show kindness and grace to others. Much Love!

[@meldanesetrilova7052]

Tip from a parent who’s answered all kinds of questions from my kids, including the ones about religion: “Some people believe …” That also leads nicely to discussions about other religions and beliefs. Possibly, if time and energy etc allow, followed up with “what do you think?”. In our case, that led to a discussion about being buried under a tree to continue giving life. He was maybe 6 at the time. (Also: you’re both awesome people who can respectfully disagree. I’m usually blown away by your insights and compassion, even in areas like parenting where you don’t (yet) have experience.)

[@imdone9967]

Rip yeah “anger” it’s really common in AITA channels/videos especially to the hosts 😭

[@GamerSisters]

I was honestly thinking that too. Like the timeliness and the secrecy is a little too tight. I am suspecting that its an affair, especially since the OP talked about their dad not treating their mom very well

[@Answeredriddle]

Hey Shaaba, just to let you know, my fiance and I absolutely love watching your videos every Monday. We pause every few minutes to agree/disagree and give our perspectives and it’s something we both look forward to. Even if we don’t always agree, you’re such a lovely person and delight to watch

[@Name-ui9oc]

i think it's so good that you pointed out the way you are feeling about the comments, very clearly communicated. you're giving a good example here :)

[@bartgreenberg9001]

I love how you two communicate and interact. Such a great marriage.

[@NoxBVansyn]

First AITA sounds like a case of "Cinderella Syndrome." My cousin went through this with her dad and step-monster and it turmoiled over DECADES; it ended tragically and it still boils my blood.

[@kateluvya]

Sending love to shaaba and jamie and your cats and all the viewers!

[@F00L_Of_A_Took]

about the discussion at the begging: I'm so sorry this is happening and that ppl are being mean and making you feel unsafe in a safe space *you have created* for yourself and others. both yours and Jamie's videos have always felt like sort of "comfort content" to me and I've always loved that you treat your channels as safe spaces. this was posted a while ago so I'm hopping that by now all the rude ppl have either left or learned to do better. sending you hugs and hope to see you in the comment section again soon

[@tinkautumndancer6374]

Hi Shaaba, I never commented on any KZbin Video before, because I find it very overwhelming (even though that does not make a lot of sense.) However I do love your Videos a lot. It is so great how you always explain what your bias is. Firstly, because it allows the viewer to know, where you're coming from and secondly because it sets such a great example of how discussions could be had in a productive and understanding way. I love how open you are to criticism and rethinking your own viewpoints. It is very rare to see so much reflecting. Also, congrats on being so open about your ADHD lately. Being so open on the internet takes a lot of bravery. I sincerely hope you calling out this behaviour will help, so you can continue to be proud and happy about your comment section. Also, love how supportive you guys are to each other. I wish you all the best!

[@sarboee77]

Shaaba your hair is so beautiful today! I think we should all give Shaaba a compliment and make her feel better❤

[@JesusGarcia-ii6it]

I'm still flabbergasted of how good/pure your mind is. You always see or try to see the bright side of things in everything. It makes me feel better knowing there are still people like you out there.

[@BlueMoon-c8s]

Thank you, Shaaba. I also thought about the slippery slope fallacy and didn't see the difference between 'throwing popcorn and gay marriage', but you explained it quite simply. I hope all those who need the wake-up call take it to heart. I also wanna thank both of you for broadening my mindset. I love how both of you always comprehensively explain your reasonings and opinions. Love from Iceland ❤

[@Vanitasmortedigital]

Shaaba you and Jamie give really empathic, insightful and humanly nuanced views on these from two perspectives,carry on doing what you both do it's so empowering and often illuminating.(Matt)

[@wmmoller]

Shaaba, I’ve only recently discovered this series and I’m bingeing it like crazy-thank you for all the great content! I’m really sorry to hear about the criticism you’ve been receiving, and I completely agree with you that bias is absolutely a thing, and often unconscious. It’s so frustrating when that kind of targeting happens, especially when both you and Jamie are making similar judgments. There is one other factor that came to mind, though: since these videos are on your channel, some people might be subconsciously focusing more on you as the ‘hostess,’ even though it’s clearly your series together. Of course, there’s no way to know for sure, but I just wanted to offer that thought in case it helps make the situation feel a bit less personal. You’ve mentioned you like to experiment with content, so it might be interesting to try a similar series on Jamie’s channel and see if the feedback changes-or if people continue to single you out. Either way, it’s definitely unfair that you’re getting this extra scrutiny, and I hope you know that your thoughtful perspectives are really appreciated by viewers like me.

[@isabellabraun4801]

Hey I was home schooled, my parents chose to do that because they wanted to give us space to learn ourselves without social pressures. They were more than happy to give us adequate and accurate information when we had questions about any topic we had questions about. I think it's given me a very unique and open minded view of the world