Grief: A Pathway to Forgiveness | Joan Rosenberg | TEDxRoseburg

Most people think of grief as it relates to relationship losses. Yet grief, especially "disguised grief", underlies emotional reactions (e.g. bitterness, blame, grudges, hostility, negativity, regret, or resentment) or it is connected to different kinds of losses . . . losses tied to life experiences that occurred in childhood or through adulthood. These losses involve facing what your childhood or adulthood, was - or was not - by recognizing the difference between what you needed, wanted and dreamed of and what really occurred. Psychologist, Dr. Joan Rosenberg notes the healing nature of grief as she describes her five step framework, the Grief Reset Protocol™, an approach that suggests that grieving and making sense of your life story can be a path to forgiveness and a happier, healthier life. Best-selling author, consultant, media host and
master clinician, Dr. Rosenberg is a cutting-edge
psychologist known as an innovative thinker,
acclaimed speaker and trainer. As a TEDx speaker
and member of the Association of Transformational
Leaders, she has been recognized for her thought
leadership and influence in personal development.
A California-licensed psychologist, Dr. Rosenberg
speaks on how to build confidence, self-esteem,
core emotional strength and resilience; emotional,
conversational and relational mastery; neuroscience
and psychotherapy; and forgiveness.
Dr. Rosenberg has been featured in the critically
acclaimed documentaries I Am, The Miracle
Mindset, Pursuing Happiness, and The Hidden
Epidemic. She has been seen on CNN’s American
Morning, the OWN network and PBS, as well as
appearances and radio interviews in major
metropolitan media markets. She hosts The
MindStream Podcast, an influential and thought-provoking
iTunes podcast. Dr. Rosenberg is the
author of the #1 Amazon bestseller 'Ease Your
Anxiety' and of a forthcoming book describing
her 90 Seconds approach to emotional strength
and self-confidence. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@gingermissy10]

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. 😊💖

[@danmahalo]

amen. 💖

[@nicholasaleksandra4059]

Josephine hope you are doing well

[@MarcosIsABaritone]

Woof. The anecdote about the man who stopped singing. Wow. To everyone who has a song in their heart, NEVER STOP SINGING. Even if you are tone-deaf ;)

[@Light-jc3fj]

The hardest part for me is being able to even get out of the overwhelming loneliness and hopelessness I feel. It's so acute when it hits, I can't even fathom taking any sort of step towards healing.

[@skellener]

This 😢

[@terrafarmer48]

I encourage you to get out for a hike in nature and find a giant tree. Stand with your back against it and lean into it. Take a deep breath. Feel the support. This has helped me so much.

[@helenryan2848]

Did you read Joan’s book “90 Seconds to a Life You Love”. It is a brilliant guide to help build emotional strength and resilience.

[@JasonHeilmanMusicalRemedies]

You just have to make a choice and get someone to walk you through if needed

[@Light-jc3fj]

@@JasonHeilmanMusicalRemedies tried many X....I'm disabled physically and mentally.

[@rositahuff4858]

…my grief turned into being grateful…I am so thankful to have had the 30 years of being happy …I talk about him all the time…love my memories….

[@kaylajoyella6993]

I found this video deeply insightful on so many levels. The last part accepting realizing where your life is/was to be free to choose what your. My mother abandoned all six of us in Detroit. We were put in foster care. In two years she found another man had two more kids. We went into foster care. Her entire video provides tools for a healthy reset. I hope she reads this. Thank you Joan.

[@rhondajones6219]

God bless you and give you strength to forgive her.

[@peopleplacesandperspective5564]

Wow, this is the best grief video I’ve heard! So many layers of my own grief explained. Thank you!

[@sophiakh9590]

,

[@glendaleduque]

Great video on GRIEF. Freeing myself to create what I want my life to be. Thanks for this video.

[@carmel2209]

I will be listening to again and again. So much time spent avoiding all of these feelings and now time to embrace for healing and forgiveness. Bless you Dr. Joan for this journey of forgiveness.

[@CatLadyKorea]

Disguised Grief Leftover anger, bitterness, blame, cynicism, grudges, hostility, negativity, regret, resentment, sarcasm, self-hate, long-standing hurt. Grief Reset protocol Grieve unspoken dimensions: Grieving over… What you got and didn’t deserve What you deserved and didn’t get What never was What is not now What may never be Reflect on the memory itself: take time with the memory in more details Inquire more deeply: make sense of the memory How did the experiences impact you when they occurred? How have they been relevant as you have aged? What significance do these experiences have on your life now? How did these experiences change what I believe? How did these experiences change the attitudes I hold? How did these experiences change the decisions I made? Extract the good (Experience of being bullied in childhood led her to believe that she’d never wanted to hurt others in the way she was hurt. She chose kindness as her highest value and practiced that into her life.) Forgive yourself and others Accept that you can never do what was undone or undo what was done. Forgiving means to accept that it happened. Forgive yourself for what you did or did not know. Forgive yourself for what you did or did not do. Forgive others for what they did or did not know. Forgive others for what they did or did not do. Who do you want to become? What new story do you want to live into and create?

[@reggibee1752]

I've been dealing with alot of unpleasant feelings and just when I th think I have moved on I get triggered either by seeing certain people or experiencing an unpleasant situation. I just realised from watching this video that I have been grieving all these years . Thank you for this video ❤. Now I am ready to let grieve go. I am free.

[@joshuakaeble7810]

You're a beautiful person that has a very large heart.

[@fitnesschurch645]

Hey Joan- Thank you so much. 🙏 You are brave and very very kind.

[@joanmartin7425]

Thank you Joan, a very clear process for healing from grief. My mother died four months ago and will be listening to the video a few times more to go through the protocol. God bless you🙏🏾

[@gayefairbairn2979]

Absolutely wonderful. What a great human being. Her work is true blessings for us all. Thanks 🙏

[@nicholasaleksandra4059]

Gaye How are you doing well

[@TIGERSSWITT]

Thank you Joan, I never grieved over the loss of my father 37 years ago. Or my mother 6 years ago . I always believed that to get on with things was the answer, how wrong was I. It's only during the last few years I have realised that I need to look at grief in a positive way and work through it. Today after watching you I realise there is a way to free myself from the chains of the past which hold so many people back from knowing who they are or from living life in the now. Thank you for sharing x

[@user-vg4cg4uw9c]

Thank you Joan so much. You have helped me reboot my life right at a time when I most needed it most. Forgiveness. If the people in my my life can't accept that then I will simply cut them out of my life. But, I will still forgive them. I will then leave the matter to my Higher Power in whom I have faith can accomplish all that I can't.

[@drparulkohli4706]

Well said... instead of walking away n thinking its behind you.... look what u have lost... n wouldn't have.... had you dealt with it. 👏👍

[@joanwalters4741]

Wow!!! What a walk to into one’s the heart and come out onto the other side a better person. ( that I love and appreciate.. myself!)

[@adimgangmei8686]

Love you Mam for your deep wisdom in your simple explanation. God bless you. This world needs healing through understanding our emotions.

[@lms_moonlight]

This touched my soul and mind. I am crying again but so grateful for the insight and the specific protocol! Wanna heal so badly, but I struggle to move on and let go of all the painful memorys to my dads last days when cancer destroyed his body.

[@maryerb6062]

Dad's been okay since he left that body, and he knows how you're doing. Godspeed, my love!

[@patriciamacdonald4166]

With gratitude and appreciation for your kindness and courage in sharing your life’s learnings. Disguised grief, is a new one for me to be aware of. Your protocols are also clear and practical. Patricia

[@bilaljahi5364]

I actually love this woman. I want to hear every word she has spoken.

[@judithfrenette7193]

Thank you Joan, what a beautiful kind wise woman you are ♥

[@asmahassan8144]

Beautiful words full of hope n energy

[@sherriegray1854]

Thank you for a powerful and insightful teaching into a very difficult topic that so many of us struggle with.

[@WestCParallel49]

That last quote will always get me. Great job, you are a hero!

[@kimbryant7714]

Joan's wisdom and deep understanding amazes me. So grateful for her words.

[@chericandream]

I prayed very hard for the Almighty AbbA Father to share love to my family, and to please help me love again... Minutes later I found your two wonderful KZbins. I am going to "Live again." Thank you so much dear Joan.

[@yellooh]

I love her talks! Thank you!

[@LeobardoOscar]

Thank you. 🙂

[@medenmeden4813]

Words ans thoughts of wisdom. Very beautiful !

[@robertashaffer3950]

Thank you 🙏

[@martinsapsitis4292]

Thank you Joan, your insights and processing management are appreciated. Cheerio and regards, Marty

[@ibelieveintrees]

Thank you for sharing this with us.

[@arikeeper9061]

Powerful.

[@heartwisdomlove]

excellent presentation Brilliant information

[@Jellystone723]

Thank you. 🙏💧

[@djcypod]

Wow so deep, such a clear process amazing!

[@redladyrose7208]

Joan Thank You so much for your compassion .This video is just what I needed .❤

[@jeannetteallard4390]

Thank you.

[@godsloveforthegrievingwido7688]

Thank you so much ❤️

[@mustafamerchant2178]

Amazing 👏👏👏

[@vilmasemini3432]

Such a peaceful and soothing voice! 👼🏼😌 Great Talk!

[@janjansen198]

This is great.

[@lindairisrosen8509]

Very helpful content

[@qiuwbr091]

If someone tries to tell you that grieving for a loved one isn’t necessary because they weren’t a valid person-ignore it and move on. Even triangulating that information through other people is at best inappropriate, and wrong.

[@jocquelinewilson8826]

Thank you for sharing your knowledge, insight and wisdom.

[@caroline6085]

Great Psychologist but for some reason it made me feel sad again, just when I thought I conquered my sadness? Shows me that it is still there but I have only shoved it down inside me. I can forgive but how do I forget?

[@vamhot95]

Been there done that. While I don't know your situation IMHO, you don't forget, you focus on the good. That doesn't mean ignore the bad, but it does mean figuring out what the bad taught you. If anything the bad taught you what you don't want again and created an awareness of bads' elements that can now trip your alert system to avoid or stop what bad is coming/happening. Although grief is more emotionally complex experience, it's kinda like learning to ride a bike. Initially learning to keep balanced was a challenge and may have resulted in skinned knees or bruises, etc. We cried, but kept trying. Eventually we got it, but we never forget the injuries even if it's been years since being on a bike. If it's been a long time, you may be wabbly & even scared. However, after riding successfully again, you might even find yourself chuckling as you tell the story of your first disastrous attempt(s) along with the bruises & battle scars. I'm sure the good Dr. could provide a better answer, but between her and The G.R.I.E.F process ™ by Kristie West and some other sources I'm working thru this tough life changing grief experience. I hope this helps you.

[@beag4961]

I think I know what you mean.. And I think I know the experience you describe, that one thought one has dealt with something and then on another occasion it just pops up again and makes one feel disappointed (no less with oneself). But I guess... maybe the feelings, the attitudes, the beliefs aren't necessarily like physical matter that can be created, formed, and would stay in the same shape like a piece of pottery. Maybe our brains are alive and full of every (bad and good) potentials at all times, and susceptible to constant change, and we just have to accept the fact that we need to stay focus at all the time, watching what's going on at the present moment.(?) Also, just to add something what - in the past always, and now less often, but still - what gets me when people 'prescribe forgiveness' is that I would mistakenly simplify it into a wrong conclusion that the idea of forgiveness implied that I must have been wrong and the person who hurt me was right. It took me a long time to figure out that this simplification took place in my mind and therefore I was unwilling to 'forgive' in that way, unwilling to listen to the advice of the 'so well intentioned people' and of'course that made me feel lousy about myself, taking me further down the spiral. But I love when Joan makes it clear that 'forgiveness doesn't mean that you agree and condone what happened' (11' 20). Equally lousy would make me feel a secret wish that a person who hurt me suffers what I suffered. I don't think of it anymore as a shameful wish for revenge. I think it is more a kind of my cry for their recognition of what they did to me, as often a huge part of the hurt itself is simply the denial of that person that they did anything wrong. From this talk I got, that probably in that case what needs to be forgiven/accepted is the fact that the person 'didn't /still doesn't know'.

[@TheLindaHum]

It's a new wave... be with it.

[@MarcosIsABaritone]

You don't forget. Perhaps investigate this particular therapeutic paradigm further and therapy, in general.

[@Lotuslaful]

Thank you so much Just what I needed/\

[@aprillopez8502]

Thank you 🙏 ❤️❤️🦋🌈🌙🌞

[@MsSylvana63]

Outstanding ✨👌🏾🙏🏾✨

[@favoritemartian7312]

I can relate being rejected [ bully ] but with God's help I would not own it, but forgave first the other, then forgave myself, I too could never hurt another as I was hurt, because I remember the Pain .

[@ylmonkeyU2]

Wow, thank you so much,!

[@cindyclark4438]

Such an outstanding message; Many of them really . AND Joan has such a wonderful, loving Spirit about her....I could listen to her for hours, Apparently

[@nicholasaleksandra4059]

Cindy how are you doing?

[@sammixie3753]

I forgive what you didn‘t do. I forgive you that you didn‘t love me

[@caroline6085]

It is also important to forgive and love yourself.

[@reg8297]

That's so hard when your left with the consequences of that

[@kaylajoyella6993]

Your words were powerful -

[@MoonlightNothing]

You have to want to live, to heal. Health

[@maryflorbinz7285]

Those with accurate knowledge between right and wrong always have success.... Ecclesiastes 9:11

[@classicrocklover5615]

Your life might never be the same as it was before your loss. But Life can be good again.

[@sophiakh9590]

Cool ❤️

[@talkeraware1115]

How efficient!!, a lot of skills have been mastered. Thank you.

[@gretanavarauskaite2904]

❤️

[@VladyslavKL]

🕊

[@gemma6267]

💗💗💗💗💗

[@maryflorbinz7285]

Job 34:10...james 1:13

[@juliantreidiii]

26 in two years 1/2 friends and 1/2 family dead. More since. Then a narcissist latched on to me... Ed Kramer stole DragonCon from me...and I have not gotten the chance to wright in 10 years. PTSD There is nothing good in the world.

[@MarcosIsABaritone]

Oh, Julian. You're still so young, you feel your emotions so vividly. Let's just remember to maintain perspective.

[@ckinahan1]

But your uncle, dad, mom, grandma and fiance... There is no coming back from that. There just isn't. I'm dead tired. I'm just done trying. And so I smile and fake it til I make it. It's the most painful thing I've ever experienced.

[@KennethDonnellyStargazer21]

Your fatigue is from anger(!), resisting facing the pain, the overwhelming confusion that can accompany such losses: You don't have to fake it...embrace it (as difficult as that can be), make it a part of you that Honors what you've lost. What she said about forgiveness is a big key to what helped me; I already did the rest automatically, somehow (I was a therapist). We cannot escape loss, no one can. But we honor our lives--and other's, those we may always love--by making the losses a Part of us: something time and death and fate cannot rob us of. It can be a difficult, day by day process, and it may seem it will never get easier. I recently experienced that in a profound way...I still do. But my thoughts slowly, gradually feel easier to have and the pain eventually lessens (it goes back and forth), all the while I still feel so much for the people I love.. I tell myself "I will always love them/her." Because I know I can, while still going on living. In a sense, it is for them that I go on living.. Treat yourself very gently, carefully, because you are wounded! It is the most difficult thing I've ever experienced, but from it I learn the depths of those feelings and what they make out of me.. a better, hopefully wiser person who I knew was capable of such deep, almost limitless feeling.. Good Luck!

[@caroline6085]

So sorry for such grief. I try to remember that one day we will all meet again.

[@rhondajones6219]

@@KennethDonnellyStargazer21 Beautiful words, thank you

[@suebrown7032]

🦋☺️🙏🐛

[@attheranch873]

Or, for how you harmed others.

[@MarcosIsABaritone]

Yes. We should even forgive ourselves our trespasses. Not simply those who have trespassed against us :)

[@skellener]

How? Tell me how

[@MarniTheViking]

great talk however couldn't help but notice that TED spelled her name wrong right behind her in giant letters lol!

[@amberdusk]

Isn't "Roseburg" the location of this particular TED talk, and "Rosenberg" her name? The location of the TED talk always comes after "TED" in these talks, as I've seen over the years I've watched them.

[@wholeshebang1]

This must be your first Tedx Talk. There are usually a number of speakers at each one, and there names aren't all displayed in giant letters. It's the city the talk takes place in.

[@carxcel]

Marni ...er not really but it’s all good.

[@maryflorbinz7285]

1 Peter 5:8/ 2 Peter 3:9...read this

[@joycegoes266]

If god said do not remember the former things. Then it is possible. Do not remember the former things means past. It is possible to forget the past. If it is not possible to forget the past then God would have not told to do not remember the former things. So it is possible to forget the past. So try to forget your past that is your ex. You can do it.

[@millerlisa1]

If Paul hadnt told u his story you would not be speaking of it now. 😏

[@nicholasaleksandra4059]

Lisa how are you doing?

[@tygerpurr5345]

Some good ideas, but when I see a psychologist talking about forgiveness, I am struck by the fact that they are in reality practicing religion, which is not based on any research, just the dogma of some religious belief......it can actually cause more harm than good. Some people who have been convinced by a person in a position of power to do forgiveness work, have repressed anger and resentment, later have committed acts of severe violence in one form or another......

[@cherylm5002]

Spot on😎😎

[@MarcosIsABaritone]

There seems to have been a disconnect with the material. I would ask us to do more research on this topic. And on therapy, in general.

[@JosephcWilliams-ny3yj]

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[@MarcosIsABaritone]

A noble attempt at cleverness.

[@manuelaparfait7665]

The plain baritone totally look because seashore nationally remove as a rampant soccer. knowing, sedate bee

[@MarcosIsABaritone]

Silly.