Emotional Mastery: The Gifted Wisdom of Unpleasant Feelings | Dr Joan Rosenberg | TEDxSantaBarbara

[@elenakrunic5387]

I was suffering from high level anxiety about 6 months and it was very,very unpleasant experience. At one point, I could not take it anymore so I decided to work on myself as much as I can.. I cannot explain to you guys how much staying in the moment, excepting yourself and believing that everything will pass is essential for your mental health. Experiencing emotions and letting them go was key to freeing myself from anxiety. Now, I am trying to say to everybody that emotions are just EMOTIONS, you feel them and let them go, over some period of time, they'll notice how much less power they have over you so they are gonna to disappear and you'll stay in wonder..Where the heck they are ??? Same goes for bad thoughts.. Take care of yourself people, wish you all peace !!!

[@NolanJohnson423]

Facts! The biggest realization is that feelings are so temporary, and we have the power to build upon good actions and earn real satisfaction

[@brylle349]

You're so beautiful ma'am :)

[@joshlowell3075]

Question: 3 years have passed since you made this comment. Is this method still working or have your emotions found a way around it?

[@ruwan677]

but we have to aware of our emotion and understand what they want to tell us

[@Avangers101]

Why I am feeling, the emotions are taking control of me and i am not being able to observe or experience them fully? Any suggestions.

[@AuthenticSelfGrowth]

I am naturally quite sensitive and tend to experience strong emotions. This combination of my sensitivity and emotional ferocity was too much for me growing up. This lead me to disconnect and not feel. I am learning to feel again now and I can see how this is having a positive impact on my relationships and whole life. I think this is very important work especially for anyone who struggles with anxiety or depression.

[@eddiebaird8852]

Your probably an empath

[@MichaelEarthOsada]

Try Richard Grannon the Spartan Life coach if you have had some toxic relationships, and Sam Vaknin in more detail. 😉👉

[@veradexter4217]

Authentic Self Guide I can completely relate, it's been a 12 year journey for me to learn emotional mastery

[@TheNicegyrl]

Concur. Many of us have strong feelings and don't have the dexterity or protection psychically to deal with them.

[@nicolerobb9795]

Way to go!

[@ahagamama]

YES! Awareness instead of avoidance! The usual reaction is avoidance and denial. Takes courage to stay present and take a breath. This is the essence of Yoga!

[@nicolasaleksandra6722]

Yes it excellent because of self determination and what you have believed that can be so helpful... So how is everything going with you Ana Franklin..

[@mandyg943]

I am in a mental health hospital at present and this video has given me something I cannot articulate right now. I am going to show my clinicians right now. Thank you and God bless.

[@learntocrochet1]

Dear Mandy, May you be well.

[@rhondaclark7939]

I hope your clinicians recognize how this Ted Talk affected you and work with you to expand on that. Regardless of what they do, YOU can move forward with or without them. Get a notebook, take notes on this video and work from there. Practice! You can do this! Use whatever helps! Wishing you health and happiness in the future...❤️

[@irisw3989]

I am wishing you lots of strength and healing. You are already strong - even if you don’t always feel that way.💕

[@mirabelledumirabellier7621]

@@rhondaclark7939 ❤️

[@roxannebarzone756]

Wishing you peace and healing, Mandy.

[@jasminbaalss6438]

When you don´t feel your emotions, it gets stuck inside our body and energetic field. When you feel those emotions without judgement although it might be uncomfortable and painful, you are helping it to let go and release those emotions. That is what she is talking about "letting go" and be free of it. The emotions that are stuck inside our bodies and memories in our brain, gets triggered and that´s when we get out of control at times. The worst thing is when we go through painful emotions, we usually attach some negative thoughts to it and it becomes our belief system that holds us back and affects our self-esteem, self-worth and confidence. Well, healing (energy and spiritual healings) is one way of releasing our stuck unwanted emotions.

[@rashuharshu]

so true, i am becoming aware of this as the day goes by

[@elenabout3282]

well said

[@MarcRajotte-hv8hw]

How beautifully said and thank you so so much

[@grandmabear2840]

I was lucky enough to instincually bring this wisdom forth this time last year. After 20 years of being on antidepressants. I found when i leaned in to my feeling's and allowed myself to cry. It was similar to when a small child cries really hard, snot running down their faces kind of crying and then takes that 1st breath and says "i feel better now". I now allow myself to feel my feelings, really feel them and then the release and healing comes. I can honestly say "i feel better now" and move on. It may come up again and i repeat the process and im finding i need to do it less and less. Im happy to say i've been off antidepressants for a year now. It was definitely a very helpful tool in my healing

[@djmissy1097]

Congratulations @grandma bear so happy for your growth. I am always living in the present, I acknowledge my feelings. Feel them and then let go. Sending love and compassion your way 😊💜

[@Malaima]

❤️ And I love your user name. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for what you said and feel. Congratulations so much on this. ❤️❤️❤️

[@marilynzimmerwoman9208]

@@moon_lover01 again go into your own interiority and try to understand what is the source of your anger and frustration. And find words to describe it with the intention of also creating connection and support. Conflict resolution is allowing each person to simply state from their first person point of view what they heard, saw, felt. Speak yours and ask them for their perspective, with the intention of finding a third way. If you are dealing with a narcissist, that is another matter all together.

[@matthewwhiteside9991]

How are you now Mandy????

[@ssj338]

So happy for you!

[@gilakot]

My goodness!!! She is a fantastic speaker! The pace, the tone, the articulation and the message. I think I found my role model

[@janessapeterson5255]

I know what you mean :)

[@sarangkim6373]

@VV2 The book is very well written and easy to follow. Virtually all of the proposals and suggestions in it resonated with me. I would recommend it to anybody interested in connecting with their soul and attaining a state of infinite peace. I gave the book a 5 Star rating because I truly believe it had transformed my life and set me well and truly on the route to discovering and my soul and connecting with it. It has given me the power to control, instead of being controlled by, my mind p.s. name of this book is "kit for emotional stability" by Daniel Anderson

[@ariyantolim2197]

I agree, her presence really draws attention to her. A really good speaker

[@senthamarair8339]

Me too. Just love to be like her. Am I correct?

[@nationsman4999]

I think the secret is in spontaneousness, because everything that come out with spontaneousness and genuinity is perfect.

[@chelletoste488]

Yesterday, I asked God to help me with this very subject...and today I found this. So helpful...Thank you so much.

[@evelynproud8792]

Thats the universe working for you, also known as god 💌

[@kjnightbird121]

@@evelynproud8792 ~More reverently written as God. 🕊🌿

[@elizabethk3238]

The speaker is giving a RATIONAL talk. Why bring fairy tales into it. You might as well as Santa and the Tooth Fairy. Your religious beliefs belongs in your private life not here.

[@kjnightbird121]

@@elizabethk3238 😀😃😄😂 Yes queen elizabeth. 👑

[@elizabethk3238]

@@kjnightbird121 your response shows not just your lack of education, but your line intellect...both common in people who still in 2020, and all scientific proof that there is NO god. Unable to blindly think or question what is shoved down their throats.

[@nakeshasherman766]

All I can say after this; damn woman. You've changed me. I'm going to ride every wave like I've been learning to surf my whole life. I'm young and I care. I wont give up and I feel so passionately. Thank you for the opportunity to see myself in a different light. I can't wait to help the people around me with this wisdom.

[@thanhvan3741]

Ttttte

[@Phoenixdawn111]

That's it... Ride the wave... My small sis told me one day.. sue, they are just emotions, feel them, you won't die.

[@periwinkleblue2]

*@NaKesha Sherman* If you haven't got it, I recommend her book: *90 Seconds to a Life You Love.*

[@tanw.5149]

This morning my autistic daughter asked me if I hate her. Said my face said it in the morning time. This video is needed and so appreciated. Starting now I'm making a change

[@tanw.5149]

I can handle 60-90 Seconds. I will think of every time I walked on a shoreline. God thank you for this

[@cyndimoring9389]

I remember as a young person I learned to focus on that unpleasant feeling, stare at it, reason my way out of it & it worked!

[@ElowenFaye]

Hey Cyndi, can you give any tips on that that worked for you? :)

[@cyndimoring9389]

@@ElowenFaye Hi Pia, thanks for asking. I would immediately notice the feeling of something not right, try to back up to whatever had just happened or been said, or thought that ran through my mind, checking if any of it could have switched the feeling on ....if I could identify it, I could analyze it for validity & often talk myself out of it by reminding myself that it wasn't true, or the comment or experience wasn't about me, or that I was still safe regardless or whatever 'bright side' we tell ourselves to change my perspective on it. It doesn't always work but it's definitely a way to stay ahead of self doubt.

[@ElowenFaye]

@@cyndimoring9389 Thank you for that long answer, I really appreciate it! Next time, I'm experiencing uncomfortable feelings, I'll try to approach them with your tipps. It will be challenging as I'm just binging and purging at the moment and for the last 10 years whenever I feel emotional pain. So I guess the only way to break the cycle is to break the cycle. Thanks again Cyndi, have a nice day! :)

[@cyndimoring9389]

@@ElowenFaye very interesting--I'm a retired teacher & am fascinated with brain research & behavioral stuff. I just learned about Borderline Personality Disorder, 1 of the characteristics is impulsivity like binging/purging, as a soothing mechanism. Check out Dr. Ramani's explanations of it on you tube.

[@ElowenFaye]

@@cyndimoring9389 I study psychology so I understand your fascination with these topics !!! :) Yeah you're totally right, b/p can be related to BPD! For me, it has been Anorexia (Purging subtype) and Major Depression in combination for years ... it has developed into a really complex issue of myself numbing emotional pain and also covering the "emptiness" with artifical "food highs". What subjects have you been teaching?:) And thanks for the KZbin recommendation, I will check out his channel!

[@IreneL]

So great to see a psychologist talking about this subject. It will help a lot of people for sure. This reminded me of the teachings from Andrew Kenneth Fretwell's book, Emotional Alchemy: The Love & Freedom Hidden Within Painful Feelings which is like a manual for learning and understanding yourself from the 5 elements perspective. A quote from his book: ''Do you ever find yourself saying "yes" to things you don't really want to do, or feeling guilty about saying "no" to others? This can be a sign of an Earth imbalance within you. The Earth Phase also has a lot to do with our sense of boundaries - our ability to confidently say "no" and "yes" in a balanced way. When we can calmly decline things that don't serve us, or embrace things that do, we're embodying the qualities of a strong Earth. When boundaries are not clear it is easy to experience disappointment and manipulation.''

[@frigidmonk]

I am a RAGE MONSTER when experiencing feelings from my past. I do not want to FLASH on my loved one anymore. It’s not me. I will try to be with the feelings in the moment for healings sake. Thank you for your message. I think you are anything but boring. YOU are AMAZING!!!💗

[@tater760]

Excellent talk. I am a SUD counselor, just finishing up a section on distress tolerance and how to deal with unpleasant feelings, and I am going to show this to my clients today. I really like your rate of speech and how simply you explain unpleasant feelings. Very helpful! Thank you!

[@stephenborland4749]

This rather reminds me of a quote I once heard, "Which teachers do you remember most vividly? " Generally the answer is the one who made you feel you could do anything, and the one who told you you would amount to nothing.

[@twalton33ify]

Wow. So true. After reading your comment I also thought of past teachers and this definitely includes family, co-workers, employees, anyone you come face to face with. I think this is why I feel so deeply about my experiences and why my feelings seem to be changed by others.

[@LoremIpsumPeach]

By feeling my emotions, I have learned that under all my anger, there is deep pain. And letting myself experience my pain despite the initial shame and embarrassment of even having these feelings has been one of the most liberating things I've ever done in my life. Thank you.

[@cecilesuperfree1042]

thank YOU

[@kristin1533]

It takes deliberate practice if you've never done it before. Just saying.

[@shreyakhandal9163]

This woman makes unpleasant sensations interesting. When I apply her way of dealing with unpleasant sensations, it feels like an adventure while moving through unpleasant sensations.

[@susanparker9916]

In my experience as a psychologist, many people with mental illness tend to have a sort of "stuckness" feature, where they get stuck and dwell on a particular unpleasant feeling. This is what psychiatric medications usually help with. They prevent the person getting stuck in anger, depression, anxiety, etc. Meditation is another great tool for moving forward from these feelings, but it does not work well for some people, especially those who are unable to focus attention for long periods. I do like the simple heuristic that Dr. Rosenberg created. Very helpful advice in this video.

[@marthawoodworth6907]

Applied your methodology today while feeling fear, anxiety and financial loss. I was exhausted and terrified and did what you recommended: identified the parts of my body that were being rocked by these difficult emotions and I "pretended" to be excited by my "unpleasant felings." By the end of the day I had received thousands of dollars, out of the blue. I associate my change of attitude with my sudden "good fortune". I went from denial to acceptance, and I was very much "in the present." In this way, I believe I facilitated one of the best days of my life. Thank you, Dr. Rosenberg. Can't wait to see what happens tomorrow! P.S. I had been tempted to take a substance as a "pick-me-up" but resisted it. Now I am convinced that facing the feelings makes me stronger, and leads to opportunities I would never expect if I had not taken your great advice.

[@drhintjens4915]

Martha Woodworth I guess you are being funny, right? Fortune has nothing to do with allowing waves of emotion to rise and subside without stifling them... Fortune is a wierd, magic-related idea. As if our fate is written in stars, teacups, runes. It is non-sense methinks! Maybe you are serious!? Then I am now experiencing unpleasant feelings of disbelief and confusion!

[@christineandcarlmilitz2883]

What about fear?

[@kanikamaheshwari9732]

I love how the entire process of accepting one's feelings, going through them and getting out of them has being beautifully explained🧁💕

[@tammytipton7875]

You are not boring anymore Joan!

[@drjoanrosenberg6979]

Thank you Tammy. The comment was a catalyst for positive change. Gratefully I have let that one go.

[@Achhantei]

She never was!

[@authenticityinstitute9923]

She never was!

[@ilanitmarks]

Dr Joan Rosenberg Thank you for this talk! This is the second time I stumbled across your talk, and enjoyed listening to you very much both times! Your delivery is brilliant, and your authenticity shines through. Listening to you today, however I feel that something has shifted in me. I look forward to an unpleasant feeling to arise in me, so I can challenge myself to stay present. If I am successful, I can only imagine how amazing my life can be. Thank you again for all you do! :)

[@alineuwiragiye7704]

People will complaints about anything. People say i talk to much. And when i change they say i was too shy.

[@cherylcarlson3315]

Saved this from when overwhelmed by fatigue, weakness, vulnerability, frustration, in flooding waves 6 yrs ago. Can't meditate away neuromuscular disease but people saying to let it wash,all in your head add insult to the falls, difficult breathing , choking,loss of ability

[@judithfrenette7193]

so true, anxiety or addiction happens when we don't know how to process uncomfortable feelings, thank you Joan, all expressed so beautifully and from years of helping others in practice

[@anandsharma7430]

This talk is brilliant. If you can master handling those 8 feelings, you have almost no weaknesses. You are a master of yourself and nobody can put you off-track or off-balance easily. This talk is about self-mastery and removing all inner weakness. All kids should be taught this in high school. There are no serious consequences in high school and there are plenty of bullies and narc kids to give you sufficient training in learning these techniques.

[@sarahk.6115]

it's only 1 unpleasant feeling called discomfort learn to embrace it and it'll no longer exist fear of distress and distress intolerance holds u back good luck everyone! edit: I almost didn't post this comment due to anxiety :) what are you stopping yourself from doing?

[@peachdreams]

Thank you so much for sharing.. this helped me more than anything :)

[@bjolly8924]

One of the better Ted Talks, no hype, just solid and useful information.

[@throughjenslens44]

The ocean waves/emotion analogy is spot on and is a connection I made many years ago. It's one reason why I feel so peaceful being by the ocean. It reminds me that the waves of life come and go, like waves of emotion. Watching the waves and listening to them crash against the shoreline helps me to be present and not fall into a state of judgment.

[@AnaTai3]

Wow, so cool for you that you did! I sure could have used this, as far as I can recall since around age 5!!

[@johnmichaeladelman]

"It's about awareness, not avoidance." 💯

[@AlwaysHappy494]

Life changing video for me. Thanks, Dr. Rosenber. I will never forget the 8 unpleasant emotions: H.A.V.E. F.D.S.S. Helplessness, Anger, Vulnerability, Embarrassment, Frustration, Disappointment, Sadness and Shame. Looking forward to watching videos, or reading more about your work. Happiness to you and your loved ones.

[@HealYourLifeTraining]

I am enjoying Dr. Rosenberg's book on this topic, 90 Seconds to a Life You Love. I highly recommend it. Thank you for this wonderful resource Dr. Rosenberg.

[@evgenia7256]

Thanks for the hint, I just asked to put in on hold

[@benedictantony9552]

👍 You are phenomenal Dr. Joan. This is most consoling message I have ever heard on handling feelings: There may be all kinds of feelings rising with you. But every feeling will subside. It will not take long, even less than a day, for it to subside. You only need to choose to be present to whatever feelings may rise, to want to let them pass, not getting distracted by them and thus surf through them. Living through them will mould you to be more fully human, confident and strong.

[@jenme7926]

This talk is helping me realize that I can get through any and all feelings/emotions that I have or may have. Thank you so much. I struggle with GAD and overwhelming emotions and this truly helps me. ❤

[@dianaboughner7977]

Excellent! 💖 Thank you. This should be taught in schools, repeated each grade to develop much healthier emotionally balanced people. 😊

[@nicolasaleksandra6722]

Yes it excellent because of self determination and what you have believed that can be so helpful... So how is everything going with you Diana Boughner...

[@taom9004]

RAIN: Recognize. Acknowledge. Investigate. Nurture. I find the place in my body and do Reiki on it. It's slow going. Though, as a result of this work, I am maybe one of the most loved teachers in my school. Still, I would trade being loved for being at peace any day.

[@BalancedwithAlex]

I used to numb out a lot of my emotional experiences because I found them super overwhelming especially being an empath. Now I'm taking small steps to open the door to feeling and being present for my experiences. It's been a journey to get there but I feel so relaxed and free now that I've gotten more of handle on being more sensitive.

[@victoriaparsons4378]

Me too. Especially helplessness… it’s overwhelming. Love to empaths! ❤❤❤

[@JohnFrancis-ey5wm]

Hello 👋

[@kinggagoatt6269]

that chuckle on “like calling a uber” line was sooo perfect🔥🔥 cause him being older i’m sure all that stuff wasn’t accessible for him when he was younger and since he’s a serial that’s around for some time i’m sure he had to adjust to the new times way of things in life with so much in his possession to get creative and satisfy his urges

[@karlkrummenacher4352]

One of the most insightful psychologists today. Joan speaks the truth. We've got more power then we know. #Brilliant!

[@drjoanrosenberg6979]

Thank you Karl for your kind words and steadfast support.

[@naemasufi7588]

Its like money in the bank, it can't do you any good unless you know it's there. Thank you for this shared wisdom.

[@drjoanrosenberg6979]

Naema - You are welcome. Thank you for watching and for your kind words.

[@theresaaleto9907]

I’m sooo very grateful for Google introducing TED to me. This is where I’ve been going for many different shows to help me Grow.

[@theresaaleto9907]

Dr. Joan, I can’t thank you enough for all of your amazing support. You’re shows are really helping me a lot. I’ve been trying to regroup and get back on with my life. You’re inspirational!!!

[@MarcRajotte-hv8hw]

as a psychotherapist in training.....FABULOUS to-the-point and an approach that works for everyone.

[@Karisma7788]

Dr. Joan, you're *not* boring. Thanks for this talk

[@trizzahpius5607]

Waves always subsides. That's the beauty of it.

[@gargeepandey803]

I paused the video several times to rewind and listen again. Thank you so much😘

[@judemull2191]

Me too !

[@Coach_Iris]

One of the most influential speeches I have ever heard. Thank you.

[@adrianac3743]

I listened to this 3 times, one after another. I wanted to make sure not to miss anything. I never anything like this, explained with so much clarity. I am exited and looking forward to see how it will translate in real life.

[@keitha.neubert3063]

This speaker's speaking voice is just so rare and wonderful. Like a good friend giving you the information, their experience, and some suggestions.

[@jc4428]

I have never experienced such a helpful an insightful TedTalk. I am so grateful for the timing of this experience. I'm feeling so sad and angry after my father's death, and I've been avoiding those feelings by watching movies and detaching from my friends and family. I will try now to "ride the waves" of these feelings. Thank you for the inspiration. What a gift you have given to others.

[@drjoanrosenberg6979]

Thank you for your kind words Judy. Yes, if you can move towards your feelings that may help . . . consider thinking about what you can learn from your feelings of sadness and anger. (And consider reaching back out to your friends because that can help too.)

[@thecollectivemessenger303]

This tedtalk really changed my whole perception. I actually had something happen with my father a few days ago and within the first few minutes of this video, I realized pushing how I feel down and ignoring or avoiding it altogether has been the wrong way for me to handle things. It cause me to actually change my mind and go back and express my feelings without genuinely caring how another would perceive it. Gave myself permission because I matter. How I feel matters just like how everyone else’s matters. Learning how to shift from caring so much about others to caring about myself for once and then bringing both in with a balance.

[@gregorybelden3545]

One of the best Ted talks I have ever listened to with good advice on controlling your emotions rather than letting your emotions control you.

[@nicklee2872]

Wow, Joan! This is my favourite Ted Talk for a long time, you don’t seem boring to me, you come across as a lovely person who is sharp, intelligent and insightful, I wish you were my therapist! This is a method of coping that seems to be coming to me from various angles over the last couple of years of my life and I believe it to be the best way of dealing with your emotions, that being said it is not easy to do all of the time and takes exceptional effort in actual fact but it is well worth persevering with. Those of you who are interested may like to read, Eckhart Tolle, who champions these methods and like Joan is highly inspirational, he suggests a conscious recognition of any unpleasant emotion and for me this seems to work, as soon as I recognise it and accept it somehow things on the whole seem to float away, good luck and big love to everybody, there really are ways to cope in this complicated modern world we live in.

[@saphirstone17]

I think the fear of overwhelming feelings of fear, like a panic attack​ is what we fear most,..so that we are having no more control over the situation that is happening...the fear from fear...and I agree: those feelings come and go like waves..I had a fear disorder many years..the more you want avoid the stronger they get..thankfully I healed myself from it..that was a read rough time..but what I learned for live: there is always a way to turn in the other direction again..never think that you have no options of ever change that negative behavior..that can be changed.. and that gives us hope and strength . . thank you for your words...

[@drjoanrosenberg6979]

You are welcome and I'm glad you have turned in a new direction.

[@FD-iv6si]

New spirit can you tell me how you did it, I have so much of fear in me and I don't seem to know why. I am living in fear all the time and it's beginning to cripple me 😪

[@albertalvarez3172]

new spirit I am dealing with this now, fear of fear,fear of being in fear..and it lasts longer than 90 seconds, that's for sure..usually happens when I'm driving or in a car,thoughts of losing control..the hard part is I know it's me giving myself these thoughts but I don't know how to stop..most definitely I have a fear of panic disorder..any tips 4 me?

[@FD-iv6si]

@@albertalvarez3172 I think we on our own, she texted that about 2 years ago.

[@albertalvarez3172]

kendra kahn man that sucks

[@CassieWinter]

I love how you explain that it's the _small_ choices that make the biggest difference, not the big ones.

[@barbaranunes9222]

Took copious notes and jumping on my personality surfboard for the thrill of it.

[@rachaelcaruso7096]

I’ve done countless therapies, workshops, and books. I think this might be the simplest and maybe wisest guidance I’ve received yet. I look forward to starting this strategy - thank you so much!

[@peterkua]

This is one of the best and most practical talks i have ever heard.

[@marygrant8715]

Beautiful, Dr. Rosenberg. I have always used humour (crack a joke, or laugh at the comment) as a way to avoid. And then rationalize, rationalize, rationalize after. I was under the mistaken impression that I was handling situations so well. But what to do after the ride? Some injustices need to be addressed. That means entering more uncomfortable moments with the people who say hurtful things. Ack! Terrifying!

[@raviwalsh3963]

Totally concur! This is an amazing life-changing practice that I told many people to do for years but only saw the results when I committed to doing it, every day if necessary.

[@xhkuok6791]

Replacing "negative feelings" with "unpleasant and uncomfortable feelings" greatly helps. First of all, there's no self-judgment. Thank you!

[@lesliealan6600]

Dr. Rosenberg, So GRATEFUL for this content! I'm a social worker in New York, and will now be following you and your work. In my adult, mental health relapse recovery group, I've been looking to help our participants define what feeling well feels like in their bodies, and come up with words to describe what this is rather than the absence of symptoms. Your content is exactly where I wish to continue to take the curriculum, and am looking forward to exploring more of your work. Best to you, and many thanks, Leslie

[@MsGnor]

Good luck to you Leslie. You're doing awesome work. Lovely approach, your recovery group are lucky to have you xx

[@bigdec1]

In language we all can understand, not boastful, not showing off, but genuinely wanting to help people. A really great talk and most helpful.

[@lizcoaches]

Dr Rosenberg is incredible! I’m so grateful for her teachings.

[@joana.6736]

Thank you! Awesome! Surf the wave. Stay in the presence.

[@lorikayser200]

"In-between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom." Viktor Frankl

[@BJ-qi6rp]

I love this quote! It comes to mind very often.

[@nicolejegathesan7056]

I'm using exactly this approach to help my teenager with regular raging episodes.

[@allaboutzax]

60 to 90 seconds. It's the same length of waves of contractions during childbirth. And they both subside. And being mindful and staying focused and present helps with both sets of waves. Amazing !!

[@eashavazi40]

Wow! What an insighteful and empowering talk. I appreciate that she didn't resort to jokes, laughter, etc to get her points across. She dealt in facts, and presented a clear narrative. Great work! It's been quite a while since I've listened to TedTalks, but I'm happy to have broken the draught with this one!

[@slamberg84]

Wyr

[@litawi7869]

This literally couldn't have come at a better time. I'm in a living situation that provokes much conflict. I know there if always a productive takeaway, but it's been doing a number on me privately. I've recently fallen back into a pattern of disassociating, and projecting myself elsewhere during conversations. I care to "do my work " as Iyanla puts it. I need to engage. I became aware of the physical sensations of discomfort when I carried my son. Now that I know I have a period of about 90 seconds to be concerned with , I can engage without the fear of losing control. Thank-you for this talk!

[@evachalupa6459]

I am happy to hear this is working for healthy people. 90 seconds seem to be a managable time. I have bipolar disorder and when I allow myself to dive into certain feelings or their bodily representation, I may get stuck in them dir days 😢 the pain and unease can become unbearable.. I am practicing mindfullness every day. I wish there was a way to reach the state Mrs Rosenberg is talking about!

[@stellabandante2727]

This video is a goldmine. The way you describe the ebb and flow of discomfort is how I teach my music students to deal with stage fright. Let the wave wash though you, give it your full attention, and watch it begin to evaporate. I had never thought of this regarding other uncomfortable feelings, but I had read this about anxiety attacks - that when the feeling is the absolute worst, reaching its peak, and you almost can't stand it, the next moment is when it will begin to subside. This is a wonderful tool as I commit to keeping a calm center as much as possible. Thank you for sharing your insight, and for the clarity of your expression.

[@shanmugasundaramdurairaj1232]

"It'll take only a moment" I believe this words and let me try.... Because I'm quite sensitive and also don't know to handle emotions.... Finally in the nutshell you taught me to handle emotions....

[@chericandream]

I prayed very hard for the Almighty AbbA Father to share love to my family, and to please help me love again... Minutes later I found your two wonderful KZbins. I am going to "Live again." Thank you so much dear Joan.

[@zanthur5337]

Wonderfully , concisely communicated with compassion and confidence, this profound truth needs to be embraced by humanity!Thankyou,

[@kingzlo]

Literally went over this twice to pay attention. Thank you,

[@galina5529]

so soothing intonation ,tembre and manner of speaking

[@BarbaraBarryFineArt]

I think I must have a mental "timeline" for grief, but I can see now that denying the emotions that come up because I should be "ok" by now just makes tidal waves. This is amazing..thank you so much!

[@christinakavanagh3912]

This is so comforting! I can last 90 seconds!!

[@nicolasaleksandra6722]

that is wonderful and hope you are doing well Christina..

[@daveribble9432]

What an enlightening talk with so many applications. Mom and Dad used to teach us that if we were about to say something we might regret later, to 'count to ten' before saying it. Dr. Rosenberg's information reminded me that if we can become the observer and give ourselves time to look objectively at the situation we stand a much better chance of living through the thing that upset us without it controlling us. Giving ourselves time to dissect what troubles us allows us the opportunity to learn about it and about ourselves and to make the best choices for how we choose to react. I will remember this.

[@fiona3718]

I was driven by a loss of someone close & googled "how to get through uncomfortable feelings". This was such a remedy for everything I can admittedly feel right now and is really inviting to be able to understand myself during this moment. It's awesome knowing Dr Rosenberg provide insight despite never having known her personally, shows how universal it is to be human :)

[@nikitesla5473]

Fiona hi

[@JohnFrancis-ey5wm]

Hello 👋

[@gagandeepsingh6401]

One of the most powerful techniques i have come across! Thanks Dr. Rosenberg. I used your technique to overcome grief of a breakup within 6 hrs. Thanks for making my life so much easier. This made me feel more human, more complete and brought back by functionality back..quickly. Thanks and God Bless You..!! :)

[@kardinalempress]

"You won't feel all these emotions at once" Although there were many useful points in this talk, I believe the steps seem to apply mostly to those who are neuro-typical and come from backgrounds free of significant trauma. If the most relatable story a therapist can tell about negative emotions is being called boring when they were 19, it seems probable that they may lack the empathy to acknowledge the scope of emotions that some are experiencing.

[@oliviaswann4686]

Exactly. Feelings from trauma do not last 90 seconds. I've cried and leaned into unwarranted shame so many times, and I'm still stuck. I'm stuck in anger too, which has made me a decent boxer.

[@tammyeichelberger3446]

I go through depression in winter and anxiety and anger my whole life . Made me a good Blacktopper. I took my anger out with raking and working hard. Now after 35 years of that my body can’t do it. Now I’ve no way to release my anger .

[@mwatkins55]

Changing the label from bad to unpleasant. Very nice. It is the simple decisions indeed. Thank you

[@CarolaAdolf]

Beautiful presentation. I can almost feel how much you love people. Thank you, Dr. Rosenberg. X

[@martinsapsitis4292]

No flies on your back Sis! You've been round the block. Tops!

[@mikevesey4213]

Most useful conversation on “unpleasant” feelings I’ve ever heard. This conversation can heal sooooo much . Thank you!

[@RedFeather11]

I embrace myself. I acknowledge my body reactions to my feelings. I am full. I am beautiful inside and out! And thank you Joan for your existence! Sending you lots of love! 💗💓🥰😍

[@lori5dqueen572]

Thank you. I received a years worth of advice in 20 minutes

[@riteshshukla1709]

Lori Dias that’s really true

[@graceodonnell8173]

Dr. Rosenberg, thank you so much. At almost 60, I'm deep into getting my master's in CMHC. I have selected Gestalt as my guiding theory, and most of the reason why can be found right here in your short, simple, practical talk. The value of the present and the profound gifts to be had in acceptance of reality, beginning with the reality of our own emotions and sensations. Lovely. I feel pretty confident asserting that you never were boring.

[@MikeVeny]

Thank you for your talk and thank you for the work you do. Those unlpleasant feelings, especially anger, have become gold for me as I've learned to process them.

[@JuliaJDybul]

BRILLIANT. Timeless. A must watch!

[@cjwarden55]

Thank You! You are a Beautiful Woman! Keep Shining!

[@akgypsy9274]

This is what I discuss with my clients all the time. Unpleasant isn't negative. There is valuable information in all our emotions. They offer a lot of rich opportunities for enhancing our personal effectiveness and resilience. And more. I may get her book as another resource.

[@TTulip]

Thank you so much for this talk Joan, it makes so much sense to live fully now, using full range of emotional colours to paint ours lifes’ pictures-“understanding is an art and not everyone is an artist”; meditation makes way more sense, substance misuse transforms into an indicator and doors to journey of self discovery and personal growth opens up.. the challenges create opportunities to become ‘smarter’, improved, greater version of ourselves (maturity) that many strive for , sacrificing the learned fear of the disapproved “bad colours” of ‘dificult’ feelings and emotions in order to upgrade selves; this talk truly helps me to stay alive as it turns out all the difficulties in life are just waiting to be faced, acknowledged, learned from and realise that, like strawberries grow on manure, humans grow on understanding of own discomfort and suffering; ignoring truths for temporary happiness is not worth long term pain yet learning to transform sadness into experience can be truly life long journey of happiness. Thank you ever so much. 🌟

[@kh485]

I get it. Unpleasant feelings are not bad. They are great!!! Now I truly love unpleasant feelings of all kinds.

[@teresasuikowsky6238]

Thank you !! I'm trying to learn to be present in my life I'm 35 and I realize I never lived in the present ,I hope I can make and learn how and be more happy ♥️

[@andrewschultz6608]

There are people I've slowly been able to admit I disliked, and I usually had a reason to. But it's good to be able to accelerate the process without feeling like I'm cutting corners, and this talk helps. Also, I remember hearing the "but you're boring--hey, just making an observation." This talk helped kick that further to the corner, too.

[@cattisx]

I Love this women!!! Explaining in a great understandably way . I love her calm voice, which surprisingly made even me feel calm. I wish I could meet this awesome cool and wise women. My new big idol! Thank you so very much for informing on this 🙏 This will definitely make my life easier

[@theMDMentor]

KEY LINE: "This matters, because our experience of feeling capable in the world, of experiencing emotional strength, is DIRECTLY TIED TO OUR CAPACITY to our capacity to both experience, and to move through those eight unpleasant feelings (sadness, shame, helplessness, anger, vulnerability, embarrassment, disappointment, frustration)" (that we might prefer to run away from because THEY DON'T FEEL GOOD!). What an incredible insight.

[@Abe-rz1nm]

When someone says something mean or unkind, it says more about them than it does about you.

[@LelaStrika]

It might be but if they repeat it and we get so weak that our mind accepting it as a truth then it’s really hard to find healing way out of the mess 🙏🏻🍓

[@Zoe-qn6xh]

Yep I had to learn this. We tend to internalize ppl's actions towards us, but we fail to understand that it has nothing to do with us, it's actually letting us know who THEY are.

[@joagera]

Don’t take things personally :)

[@anjaknatz7157]

Since years and years and years I try to convince all my patience - the one who knows what he/she can stand, gets along in live much better... To train it is much better than avoidance...

[@aparna169]

"Our ability to feel capable and to have emotional strength in this world is directly tired to our ability to feel and move through unpleasant feelings" ... Very interesting! at 7:24 - this is the big takeaway !

[@piehound]

good, very good. Sadness, Shame, Helplessness, Anger, Vulnerability, Embarrassment, Disappointment, and Frustration.

[@susanpenn4015]

Not everyone can do 60-90 seconds. Trauma, ptsd clients need to learn to feel safe while experiencing, and also may have traumatic memories emerge that re-victimize and overwhelm. Finding someone who is trained, who can support and hold space for people who are regularly overwhelmed by feelings can help cultivate the ability to experience feelings in a titrated rather than stoic way, and can lead to healing.

[@annamae4042]

Important point, and well said, thank you. This is not a one size fits all approach. The overriding fight/flight/freeze/fawn mechanisms can prevent us from accessing other feelings until they are soothed and sorted. An important distinction between difficult feelings and a flood of safety behaviour.

[@Lalallalu]

Great comment

[@Manyatabedi]

This is by far the best TED talk I have come across and how magical it is that I stumbled upon it exactly when I needed it the most. Thank you Joan. I would like add one more important feeling to it 1 choice 9 feelings 90 seconds First one being Fear.