Haley Takes Dixville Notch | Trump's War On The English Language | Rudy Pours Coffee In NH

[@KealohaHarrison]

It’s reasons like Trump, Giuliani, DeSantis, and Haley that my dad said he’s given up on the Republican Party for the first time in his 76 years of life

[@janinelemieux3099]

I'm sorry for your dad that he's given up on the republican party. Some day the republican party will go back to its roots.

[@TheHuxleyAgnostic]

​@@janinelemieux3099 It completely left its roots with Nixon.

[@Roof_Pizza]

What, not Newt Gingrich?

[@rationalistssj6540]

All those u mention are great people, who have done much good for this country. More democrats are switching sides because their party has turned communist and hates this country

[@davidstankiewicz2049]

Good!

[@jpdemer5]

I thnk the problem is that Trump's people are trying to make him sound smarter than he is, by putting big words on his teleprompter. He can't read them without stopping to figure out what they are and what they mean, and to fill the silence - a con man never gives his mark time to think - he goes off script. At that point his broken brain is trying to do two things at once, resulting in an incoherent babbling that makes Sarah Palin sound erudite.

[@firstlast-gn5bo]

“A con man never gives his mark time to think”. Keep the stupid going, trumpers, you’re burying yourselves.

[@teresaparnham9780]

Lol! Love it.

[@msjadeli]

Exactly

[@lazyperfectionist1]

And yet he can pronounce words like "hydroxychloroquine." "Anonymous" trips him up, but "hydroxychloroquine" he can handle. 🤷‍♂

[@13shadowwolf]

​@@lazyperfectionist1because he knew he was going to have to say it, so he practiced that one word over and over. You can hear it when he talks, certain words he has a very "Unique" enunciation of; which is a sign that he practiced saying that particular word multiple times.

[@dafinaglgrrrr8565]

Truly, an epic show. I grew up with Johnny Carson, illuminating my sense of humor, and I am blessed at this point of my retirement to still enjoy late night humor at its finest, and I think Stephen Colbert is the best of the best.

[@mjjasond7686]

Man, oh Man! I miss Johnny Carson. I can't even SAY how grateful I am for the voice of Stephen Colbert. GO MAN!

[@sethescope]

Johnny Carson was before my time - I really should watch some clips from his show, I know - but I started watching The Daily Show and the Colbert Report when I was 16-17 in 2008-2009 and have continued to watch Colbert so it's good to know that Stephen is part of a great legacy and remains respected by fans of his late night predecessors* *I almost typed ancestors before I realized, no, that's not how that works 😂

[@EventHorrorEyesOn]

I love that when Stephen mimes holding invisible items, he casually mimes putting them aside when he’s done with them.

[@Bare_Essence]

Now I'm curious if the 17 second response time for missile defense was actually a factual secret that Trump happened to remember from a meeting that he pretended to receive and understand. It would not surprise me if the word salads that he delivers include random secret info.

[@rumpvirus7393]

The girls change room could put all missiles back in the silo in under five, when he waddled in there.

[@theozlander4629]

Being in Australia I don’t often get to see Stephen so close to upload, it’s nice to be in the first wave for once :D gday from the land down under Ste-fen :)

[@gillfishlock1286]

Fosters all round

[@azishappy2035]

Hello!😁 welcome to the first run! Enjoy your today ( my tomorrow ) with a malarky on the barbie❤

[@TheCatBilbo]

G'day from the UK, Antipodean man. It's 6am here, welcome to another day 😊

[@theresabradley4716]

@@gillfishlock1286no one drinks that here. It’s bloody awful.

[@jonafoto]

Kudos to the writer who wrote "It's sort of like if Christian Rock suddenly believed there was no God." You literally made milk come out of my nose.

[@mikejankowski6321]

If you weren't drinking any at the time, that would REALLY be something!

[@CharliesDaughter]

@@mikejankowski6321 🤣🤣🤣

[@samnelson2343]

That was the highlight for me.

[@patriciazoerner]

FDA requires new Warning label on milk cartons. "Warning: use extreme caution ingesting this product while watching The Tonight Show, as humor combined with milk may make the product flow out your nose!"

[@r.1599]

The GOP has its knickers in a knot over "almond milk", and you want to throw in nose milk? Expect a visit from men in black.

[@stevejeffery3112]

As an Australian it is highly offensive that you suggest snakes run our polling booths. Those are staffed by wombats and they're lovely. (& 15 minutes is considered a long wait to vote.)

[@MonkeyJedi99]

You can't fool me, I've heard the tales of the drop-bear, the cane toad, and your overlords who won the war against you - those red-eyed flightless demons.

[@jembozaba4864]

You can't say that. Our Emu overlords are no joke@@MonkeyJedi99

[@StarPlaty]

@@MonkeyJedi99 There's also bin chickens and murderous swoopers.

[@jembozaba4864]

Which murderous swoopers? Magpies or Wag Tails?@@StarPlaty

[@zeldacoach2528]

Don’t forget the Democracy Sausage!!

[@prajnachan333]

They love to be entertained by him. Does he have to be president for that? Maybe you could just have your little meetings and leave us out of it. 🇺🇸

[@patsyshafchuk5368]

I am so ashamed that he is wining ANY votes. Maybe lots of people just feel sorry for him. You're the best, Stephen, for making all this so much fun to learn about!

[@My_Saab_Story]

"We are an institute in a powerful death penalty" Trump's slam poetry is getting pretty good. Just in time for poetry night at the federal penitentiary!

[@mjjasond7686]

WELL SAID

[@slipspectrum9253]

He stole that too, I could have swore those were Melvins lyrics!

[@alexnegri8626]

This is Saturday Night Live but it’s called ‘Every Day Live!’ no actors needed!🤣

[@buildtherobots]

Stephen is by far my favorite person to watch use an adding machine for years now

[@rocqitmon]

without someone fact-checking the numbers, we're just nowhere..

[@JM-zo5me]

I loved seeing him do that gag in Strangers with Candy!

[@tictacmothma]

Look up Lunch Break's "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall". If you like adding machine humor, you will not be disappointed!

[@melissaweyrick5311]

He ran out of Orange make up. And went with Sherwin Williams dog poop Brown semi-gloss

[@TheBigfattuna]

Top Comment of the day!

[@Flamenco1313]

This was my highlight of the day 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@YearsinSeason]

My God Stephen, you’ve been doing that calculator gag since Strangers with Candy! And yes, it absolutely makes me laugh each and every time! Excellent job! Keep up the great work!

[@ravenlunatic1177]

Stephen was absolutely on fire ! Can’t believe how hard I was laughing through this monologue. Thanks so much for that. Cheers from FL😺

[@bardylon]

You can just picture the vacant stare in Trumps eyes when he receives security briefings. He has a toddlers level of understanding how things work

[@DoctorBiobrain]

Ah, but can a toddler say “pew pew bom bom bom whiz bang zoom”? What’s that? They totally can? Never mind.

[@mattbowdenuh]

That's basically what John Kelly, one of his former Chiefs of Staff said lol They all had to shorten their briefings otherwise Trump would get distracted or bored

[@justinfowler2857]

So do his supporters. Although to be fair most of his supporters view life through a lens of fear, homophobia, bigotry, and racism.

[@scarletletter4900]

Please don't insults toddlers by comparing them to an aged sack of LDL cholesterol and rancid bronzer that spews both hate and stupidity.

[@cocobunitacobuni8738]

He doesn't know the word strong They're not muscle guys (strong)

[@johnhammond9962]

Even if Dump doesn't get to be a dictator....he'll always be a dick in my book.

[@FurtiveSkeptical]

...And a tater.

[@disorganizedorg]

[dictator] You mispelt "dick taster"

[@allenlovell1604]

As my late Dad would say, " No, that's the best part of a Man; go lower [ LOL! ]

[@efrainmaldonado5677]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@mjjasond7686]

FUNNY

[@shermanculbertson6244]

It’s totally beyond me how anyone could listen to even 30 seconds of a Trump speech and support him.

[@Zauzzie]

Having considerably less brain cells helps.

[@MDonovan]

Imagine the rubes who lined up before 8am to get a front row seat

[@olufowobitosin]

Hate and entitlement are powerful motivators

[@drakebaxter957]

Have you seen the people at the rallies?

[@ericapoe]

I’ve endured through his speech and let me tell you I lost brain cells. He recycles the same washed up story every time. 🥱🤯

[@SidewalkCitizenLA]

"Magnetic poetry ina blender during an earthquake" is the BEST description of DJT's word salads! 😂😂😂

[@skygazer858]

I'm almost totally convinced that trump is just working on his 'Not Competent to Stand Trial' defense. If so, he's nailing it.

[@mesmartgnome]

Songs, chants, violent, blind loyalty… definitely not a cult 🙄🙄

[@valramos2003]

So it's gonna be old vs slightly older again this year. But I prefer the one who doesn't have 91 FELONY counts

[@JohnnyAngel8]

There is no humor anymore about the GOP, Haley included. The whole party is unfit to hold office.

[@CourageKarnga]

It's like we're all in A Good Life from the Twilight Zone.

[@beehappyalways]

Exactly.

[@joshuawilson5434]

​​@@CourageKarngaor worse Better Than Life from Red Dwarf and Rimmers in control.

[@deadrose007]

Sounds like you would be happier living in North Korea a One Party State.

[@Zalzany]

@@deadrose007 Sounds like you put a lot of thought into going there yourself 🙄 I mean at this rate may be one the few places that will take him in once he is on trial and wants to flee lol

[@MurasakiShikibu-w4q]

Again and again, "To all the ships at sea" fills this sailor heart with love. Thank you Stephen and writers!

[@jeff-onedayatatime.2870]

To support a person convicted of sexual assault and fraud is to commit a crime against your own soul. That is how I see it anyway.

[@kylemockeridge5468]

*will still go out and vote for politicians on epsteins client list* Your side isn't going after trump for fucking his daughter because of what your president did to ashley.

[@alexnegri8626]

This is Saturday Night Live but it’s called ‘Every Day Live!’ no actors needed!🤣

[@Caleb-143iyk]

To support a president who sniffs children must also make you a child sniffer?

[@aggressiveattitudeera887]

"We are an institute in a powerful death penalty." 🤔

[@bellabordeau2356]

😂

[@benn454]

The mask slipped for a second.

[@rumpvirus7393]

By we, He means him and Roger Stone... ...if you haven't heard the recording yet.

[@waryaawariiri1812]

Not to defend the Orangecon, I think he was reading the teleprompter and skipped a sentence or paragraph as one can see in the video.

[@beeble2003]

@@waryaawariiri1812 I suspect the teleprompter said something about "death throes", but he has difficulty reading and makes up half the words.

[@josephnotoempire2949]

I was in the mood for MAD Magazine type sketches, and that is what i got! Thank you Steven and Writers.

[@Hugo_Rocker]

My father had dementia and did all of the same weird things as trump. Luckily he was a strong Democrat to the end

[@garfield2439]

Mine too. He despised Trump right until Covid took him. Thanks Trump.😢😢😢😢😢

[@boomer150]

I have said for years that he exhibits all the symptoms of neurosyphilis. He is literally brain damaged and the only test for neurosyphilis is a CT scan, and we have no evidence that Trump has ever been given a CT scan, even though it's standard procedure in a presidential physical. President Biden had a CT scan during his physical and it was released to the public, no sign of brain damage. Meaning during his presidential physicals Trump either declined the CT scans (perhaps because he knew what they would find) or he had the scan and they didn't release it. President Obama had several CT's during his presidency, all released to the public.

[@sheilahmercer1637]

Actually maybe y’all can help me. My father is 90 years old and has dementia and is a Mormon trump supporter. I am suffering with guilt and anger and guilt about my anger. Any ideas?

[@joshuawilson5434]

​@@sheilahmercer1637 just tell him it's in God's hands. And if it doesn't go the way he thinks then just tell him it was God's plan. Seems to work for most die hard religious people.

[@jpdemer5]

He had dementia, but he wasn't stupid. Good for him!

[@geoffreyshaw9111]

Trump could spew anything nonsensical and he’s base will still support him it just melts my brain.

[@alweedo8377]

The country is in ruins. Inflation, high taxes, crime, homelessness, drugs and open borders. So, who are you supporting? We all see who's brain melted?

[@jehanariyaratnam2874]

his base*

[@DarksideDave42]

MegaMagaManiacs worship their Orange Jeeezuss

[@leannajensen9730]

Mine too

[@mjjasond7686]

you & me both. UNBELIEVABLE. It's a cult of stupidity 100%

[@ChrisM-zm4li]

That Nikki Haley song is just more evidence that creativity is a liberal quality.

[@jamesmancini1506]

The way Trump described the missile launch, I really felt like I was there.😂😂😂😂

[@chriswhiting2926]

Hearing that song described as “if Christian music stopped believing in god” is one of the best jokes I’ve heard in a while. It got me good lol.

[@stephanieallangarman5598]

GOD IS NOT MOCKED…whatever you’ve sown it’s coming back to you. 🤮🔥🐍

[@firstlast-gn5bo]

@@stephanieallangarman5598. So he’s thinskinned and can’t take a joke? Sounds more like dumpty.🤔

[@2tallB]

When I heard that song, I thought - sounds like bad Christian rock, and that joke made me LOL as well. 😂

[@richardmuller2033]

Can't get enough of the knuckle-typing Stephen! Love ya!

[@bee8368]

“Now there’s a lot of noise in politics, cause people hitting each other with their great big sticks.” Riveting! Such skilled artistry and powerful and impactful lyrics.

[@laurawells3935]

Never vote for anyone who says they will pardon Trump, our country’s greatest Traitor.

[@Seigensi]

he's dumb, you still called him great by what he or his fans can comprehend.

[@dracoargentum9783]

I wonder how many Republicans will later go on with that as their platforms?

[@oldrrocr]

and virtually ALL republicans are rallying behind the guy who on Jan 6, called for the mob execution of his own vice president. (He'd do it to you too, Gym Jordan)

[@Tomorrowwilldo]

Rapist, disrespects our fallen heroes, tried to use fake electors to steal an election. Any one of those is enough to delete his man card. But whining for 3 years, playing a victim, is a disgrace and really proves his weakness. Real men don’t whine or play a victim. Why would anyone follow a crybaby.

[@argentdawn]

4 replies, but only 1 visible. OooooOo, you made some Trumpies cry HARD 😂🤣

[@danadudley3127]

Did 45 stop paying his face painter? 😳

[@edwardfletcher7790]

He's always done it himself, that's why it's irregular & terrible.... lol

[@heyheytaytay]

"It's like if Christian rock believed there was no God" pretty much on point. XD

[@aggressiveattitudeera887]

"He was also spotted outside a Nikki Haley event, sitting in a parked car. Or as Rudy now calls it: "home."

[@OldHollywood-xh8cl]

It’s never been unusual for an unsuccessful candidate to turn and support a former rival--but this Scott thing (and Ramaswamy too) has a bigly ick factor.

[@carolineindacityphx]

I LOVE it when Stephen checks the math!!! 😂 OMG! Hilarious! ❤

[@henrygvidonas9573]

If Trump just made oinking and snorting noises, his speeches would make much more sense.

[@jpdemer5]

And it'd delight his supporters, too.

[@InterestedParty25]

Many a true word is spoken in jest.

[@dodgygoose3054]

Isn't that what he does ...... =/

[@dafttool]

Will snorting & sniffing count?

[@dnrdufty]

Crinimal joe cannot walk 5 feet without getting lost or tipping over

[@BurgermeisterMeisterburger-v7x]

Remember, Donnie’s minions are squandering their social security checks and insulin money to pay for Alina’s brilliant legal mind.

[@elihan9]

And the problem with that?

[@grabnar4015]

Actually it's worse for them. He never pays his lawyers

[@eleanorek.leslie9818]

And you can prove this how? 😐

[@raygunsforronnie847]

Part of me is ambivalent, because those of modest means are squandering their resources on Donnie's... whatever. The likelihood is they're getting a double whammy - it takes their means of living while supporting someone who'd take everything from them. Those with significant wealth who support him are doing so knowing they will get rewarded with tax breaks.

[@patriciatoomingtheplantpar2558]

​@@eleanorek.leslie9818😂😂 he's been sued for legal fees, so many times, we don't understand how he stacks up lawyers, but then you see Habba and know the barrels bottom is being scraped. If you listen to Tacopina, he says, he had to take a paying client😂😂 Look it up, here's a few lawyers that sued him for payments, there are many, many more! Levine Staller Morrison Cohen Bill Scherer

[@ashleytaveras9035]

Stephen Colbert's monologue rap of Nikki is the best! 👏👏👏

[@JustAnotherGamerUS]

Colbert's Trump impressions are 100% of the reason i drop everything when the Late Show posts a monologue

[@NTJedi]

Yes, you choose to support Biden who has delivered record high inflation, opened US borders and is sending hundreds of billions of US tax dollars into two different oversea wars.... because you enjoy Colbert verbally insulting a previous president who kept the USA out of wars and Trump was nominated by 4 different countries for the Nobel Peace Prize. Don't feel bad there were lots of sheep like you who blindly supported Hitler as well.

[@alexnegri8626]

This is Saturday Night Live but it’s called ‘Every Day Live!’ no actors needed!🤣

[@beapower7045]

Mr Colbert, I nearly spat out my coffee laughing when you said that Rudy Giuliani was pouring coffee at that diner, because " he needs the extra cash!" What a delightful zinger. You brought joy to my day, & because of that laugh, I feel I owe your joke-writer a cup of coffee at the very least. Thank you! 😂

[@ekdaufin1485]

So well written!

[@ArtstradaMagazine]

I love Stephen using his knuckles for the calculator

[@kellyburket6955]

I prefer the elbow bit.

[@bgross685]

The Criminal Defendant wouldn't do the debates because he's physically incapable of standing for that long of a period of time and mentally unable to stay on topic without teleprompters

[@paulchamberlain8355]

... Standing that long without shitting his pants.

[@bgross685]

@@paulchamberlain8355 That too. They don't call him Von Shitshispants for nothing lol

[@heckzotica]

​@@bgross685it's not that big a deal when you are surrounded by yes men eager to be the one to clean it up.

[@antonchigurh7227]

How dare you talk about Biden and his son like that

[@calgal5752]

Plus he doesn’t have a clue what a debate even is. 😂

[@marycirimele9172]

Thank you, SC!!!!!!! Love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@theblueyedwoolf]

Stephen and the calculator brings me back to Colbert Report days! :)

[@BurgermeisterMeisterburger-v7x]

Mugshot 45: “I never swore an oath to support the constitution.” That’s an election strategy we haven’t seen before 😆

[@KellieHaan]

Too funny

[@maurachapman4179]

Treason

[@SuenosDeLaNoche]

“Why do some British people not like Donald Trump.”. A few things spring to mind… Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem. For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace - all qualities, funnily enough, with which his predecessor Mr. Obama was generously blessed. So for us, the stark contrast does rather throw Trump’s limitations into embarrassingly sharp relief. Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing - not once, ever. I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility - for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman. But with Trump, it’s a fact. He doesn’t even seem to understand what a joke is - his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty. Trump is a troll. And like all trolls, he is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers. And scarily, he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults - he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness. There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface. Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront. Well, we don’t. We see it as having no inner world, no soul. And in Britain we traditionally side with David, not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs: Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist. Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that. He’s not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat. He’s more a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of privilege. And worse, he is that most unforgivable of all things to the British: a bully. That is, except when he is among bullies; then he suddenly transforms into a snivelling sidekick instead. There are unspoken rules to this stuff - the Queensberry rules of basic decency - and he breaks them all. He punches downwards - which a gentleman should, would, could never do - and every blow he aims is below the belt. He particularly likes to kick the vulnerable or voiceless - and he kicks them when they are down. So the fact that a significant minority - perhaps a third - of Americans look at what he does, listen to what he says, and then think ‘Yeah, he seems like my kind of guy’ is a matter of some confusion and no little distress to British people, given that: Americans are supposed to be nicer than us, and mostly are. You don’t need a particularly keen eye for detail to spot a few flaws in the man. This last point is what especially confuses and dismays British people, and many other people too; his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss. After all, it’s impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. He turns being artless into an art form; He is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of shit. His faults are fractal: even his flaws have flaws, and so on ad infinitum. God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupidity been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid. He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W look smart. In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws - he would make a Trump. And a remorseful Doctor Frankenstein would clutch out big clumpfuls of hair and scream in anguish: ‘My God… what… have… I… created?’ If being a twat was a TV show, Trump would be the boxed set. NATE WHITE, British Journalist

[@kx4532]

It's super effective* (* in the Republican primary)

[@Tonyhouse1168]

Bold strategy Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off (;

[@Opus313]

The GOP keep propping up Donnie "Weekend at Bernie's" style... eventually, the rot will give the game away!

[@Mimi-r7b5e]

@Opus 313: I love that movie. It would take a backhoe to bury sniffle iss is in the sand

[@judibarth7999]

Love ya and the show, Stephen Colbert 🙋🏼‍♀️💜💚🥳🎉🎊💕

[@HaliPuppeh]

Every time I watch Trump talk about that missile defense system, I find it HILARIOUS. bing-bing-bing fssssshhh boom.

[@charlesr3351]

OMG Stephen is on FIRE!!

[@JubaJr]

Stephen Colbert for president! Extra balls for America!

[@kenbrown2808]

I'd vote for him.

[@grmpEqweer]

Colbert wouldn't be anywhere near as bad as Trump.

[@rumpvirus7393]

He should have registered for the Republican primary earlier.

[@gashousegorillas1]

Biden destroyed America never vote democrat

[@gashousegorillas1]

Colbert is an idiot

[@Arcwol]

Trump's great brain is on full display. 🤦‍♂

[@billwalsh388]

His brain will be oatmeal by November.

[@joshuawilson5434]

​@@billwalsh388by then it'll be moldy oatmeal.

[@the_sorrow_prince2198]

Stable genius 😂😂😂😂

[@pandaphil]

Oh yes. His "America is a drug infested hellhole" speech is a real winner.

[@Jimo1956]

Under a microscope, right?

[@gamepapa1211]

Me, before the Nikki Haley campaign song: "Hey, maybe she stands a chance." Me, after the Nikki Haley campaign song: "She's doomed."

[@CourageKarnga]

And she didn't stand a chance to begin with! That was terrible, but still better than the Ted Cruz song from 2018.

[@treetopjones737]

Black voters just love her.

[@tuyenle8107]

trump 4ever 🤣😂😝

[@sheilaboston7051]

All I can say is, if anybody wrote _any_ song about an Australian Prime Minister, we'd all be puking! (Unless it was razzing him of course - we're renowned for that!)

[@simongiles9749]

I think I'll keep that song on a handy playlist for next time I feel imposter syndrome.

[@ronaldknoebel3247]

Now I fully understand what it must be like to have the worst karma in the world.........But When will it make its much anticipated appearance ?!?!

[@mayohsetsuna]

Welp. Lets hope someone out there watches a Trump speech, and then gets motivated to start actually funding the public education system… 😅

[@NTJedi]

Let's hope you actually watch the entire Trump speech... instead of cherry picked clips from the late night talk show hosts which blindly push exactly the same view onto weak minds.

[@mayohsetsuna]

@@NTJedi I’ve watched more than ten minutes unedited, on several occasion, yes. As an English teacher I’m cringing.

[@alexnegri8626]

This is Saturday Night Live but it’s called ‘Every Day Live!’ no actors needed!🤣

[@NTJedi]

@@mayohsetsuna Well then you deserve Biden which resulted with record high inflation, open borders and spending hundreds of billions of your tax dollars on 2 oversea wars... all because you don't want a president who managed a healthy economy while being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by 4 different countries. As for me I prefer the lower cost of living and international peace Trump provided.

[@NTJedi]

@@mayohsetsuna Keep enjoying the high cost of living brought by Biden and keep enjoying Biden sending your tax dollars into oversea_wars. Heaven forbid you have a president who managed a healthy economy and n0minated for N0BEL PEACE PRIZE by 4 different countries.

[@erikcareswell6768]

I always love when Trump leaves the teleprompter to badly explain and reword what he just read, usually melting down into utter gibberish. It usually happens when he realizes he has lost the meaning or doesn't quite understand what he is reading, or thinks that WE don't and, being MUCH smarter than us, takes it upon himself to teach us by putting his sizzling 45 IQ to work. Hilarious if it wasn't utterly terrifying, knowing he is assuredly the next, and probably last, President.

[@crptnite]

i was with you until assuredly...

[@compo1948]

Don't say that!!!!😮😢😮

[@sheilaboston7051]

I was with you, up until the last half of the last sentence.

[@amberandrews6842]

He's dyslexic, and can't read big words, that contain letters that are in other words... 🥴

[@treehugnhipi3765]

You started out strong…did you lose all hope from one sentence to the next? Only about 21% of registered republicans and some outliers showed up to vote. Of those, Nikki Haley got a good percentage…and they won’t be casting their vote for trumpty dumpty in the election, if he’s still in. Fight the urge to give up hope! Come on!

[@a.michelle9289]

😂😂😂"We are an institution and a powerful death penalty..." - D. T-Rump 2024

[@bethfiori4708]

We are an institute and...

[@bethfiori4708]

T-rump was always an ass, and now he's lost his mind. Scary.

[@crystalshaw8744]

Also: : "Well"...😂😂😂. Omg

[@colleenm6973]

😂😂😂

[@vanlaar2655]

I'd like to witness his aptitude test... Jesus, Trump is a moron! 🤦‍♂️

[@cherylroth]

Looks like 45 forgot to paint his ears....

[@edwardfletcher7790]

He always stops at the hair/neck line....SIGH

[@yasmeen6790]

and he is sweating like crazy - hope the rest of the color does not drip down like Giuliani's

[@Nevertoleave]

Not just that. Any darker and he’d be doing blackface. When they cut to his speech I was taken aback. Who does his tanning? A dollar store? I know we mock him for his, I only hire the best people, who then he fired or were arrested, charged, and tried with crimes. But the man needs to fire whoever has been doing his make up for the last eight years

[@cherylroth]

@@Nevertoleave I've heard that he's the makeup artist.

[@edwardfletcher7790]

@@cherylroth Correct, Trump's been applying his own burnt sienna bronzer since the 90's....

[@thesincitymama]

More LOL in this monologue than any other monologue in at least the past year 😂 well done, writers!

[@bobcat4100]

Thank you so much for making me laugh til l could hardly catch a breath. I needed that. I feel refreshed.

[@jamesdale6967]

🙌👏🙌👏🧐🤨🤓. Jolly good!,Old chap .One of the best monologues . I’ll remember this when I buy the box set and get a free Stephen Colbert portrait dinner plate. Hell yeah!

[@marisabenson1222]

I'd love to hear trump debate but his minders wont let him for fear that he starts answering questions with strange noises and incomprehensible sentences. Have they decreased his medication or has he had a TIA?

[@firstlast-gn5bo]

He’s upped his Adderall. He self medicates.

[@most-average-athelete]

Ahh that song... My elbow spontaneously got dislocated due to the excessive amount of cringe I was exposed to :(

[@tomkelly1442]

Excruciating

[@mindsurf13]

❤ U Stephen 4 all years of goodness U bring into my days

[@TyrSkyFatherOfTheGods]

Felonious Trump's Greatest Hits.

[@Markus_Andrew]

"We are an institute in a powerful death penalty". Trump's brain is dissolving.

[@ellenbruckermarshall4179]

T-shirt slogan!

[@kivimik]

It's like a Russian troll picking random buzzwords and mashing them together.

[@alexnegri8626]

This is Saturday Night Live but it’s called ‘Every Day Live!’ no actors needed!🤣

[@gustavofigueiredo1798]

At this point I'm afraid that he'll plead insanity to escape convictions and is setting it up with all the nonsense. Not that he is capable of such machinations, someone must be telling him to do it. We can be sure it's not his legal team, cause they don't really care about him, the ones that are still in are hoping for payment. So it must be his pupeteer: Vlad Pootin.

[@demons27]

Every time I see Trump speak, I see the shame that we elected this guy for President. Like if we let our "special" kid design our house out of mashed potatoes. It's messy and we're going to be laughed at forever.

[@davidmcc6666]

Mate, what a laughing stock he is. We all hate the guy.

[@metalroofing6708]

Except he will win

[@CourageKarnga]

But at least the kid in this scenario has some idea of how to design a house.

[@72marshflower15]

I created the most effective anti Trump slogans/memes… I’m just as disappointed in Biden..

[@rationalistssj6540]

He was a great president; opposite of biden

[@NoThatRyan]

So apparently, what he has is called phonemic paraphasia. It's where he can't finish a word and just inserts another: "We are an 'institute'" He meant institution. And then starts talking about something else to try to cover, in this case, death penalty stuff. This is a sign of dementia.

[@thedel775]

I Enjoy your comedy Stephen! Excellent entertainment!

[@skybaby444]

The more demented he gets the more sense he makes to his followers.

[@gailmccolery5542]

Still laughing

[@TM-qc5oz]

That works for him. 70 million people voted for him last election.

[@mjjasond7686]

Isn't that the way it usually goes with the average run-of-the mill cult?

[@mjjasond7686]

@@TM-qc5oz each and every one of them should be embarrassed and required to do community service.

[@Ti5qu4ntum]

The Queen Bit got me in stitches. 😂

[@luisruizduarte4097]

Stephen was on fire for this one.

[@jbarnes705]

The reason Donald Trump does the ding, ding, ping, ping is so he can be on the same level as his Followers, Elementary Watson. 🤣🤣🤣

[@nicholedixon5079]

I love you Stephen Colbert 😭

[@BurgermeisterMeisterburger-v7x]

Donald Trump spends so much time in the same courtroom they named a local park bench after him. The bench is suing for defamation.

[@eman31683]

Why do people keep voting for that felon?!!

[@thomasraywood679]

Hope it's a bench trial.

[@JeanParker-u3d]

Good question@@eman31683

[@jasonbarton4521]

@@thomasraywood679 Nice!

[@jasonbarton4521]

Thank you! Thank's for coming. I'm here all week. Try the veal ;

[@Thadmotor1044]

trump delays court hearings to avoid jail , while Haley stays in race to see what happens next .

[@nickknight9268]

Who cares about them and while we are at who cares about this stinking country

[@bornin1948]

I can’t believe Trump didn’t sweep the Dickxville vote

[@recon1468]

It might need a recount

[@ekdaufin1485]

😂😂😂

[@boomer150]

They will find a way to blame Hunter Biden....

[@TheCatBilbo]

True, but he's going to win big in Lyingshitsville...

[@Mimi-r7b5e]

Especially since he’s the biggest dick. Most of us from NH still have pride and love for our country.

[@krisfrederick5001]

I demand a recount in Dixville Notch...and we're done.

[@B__C__]

"We need a recount. We know that many, many dead people voted in the Dixville Notch." ~Mara Lardo

[@greatboniwanker]

"Somebody" solved the insulin price problem ... and it wasn't formerly 45.

[@shannonwylie9419]

Also hearing aids.

[@bongwelll]

The scariest part is they're people still listening to him.

[@mvvpro8688]

Watching a recent Donald speech is like seeing a toddler go back in time.

[@miapdx503]

He's in his second childhood, having never become an adult in the first place. He never matured. I can't even call him a man, there's no manhood in him. Just a sad clown who has a desperate need for attention. 🤡

[@neilobrien8037]

Another comment dissing toddlers!

[@alexnegri8626]

This is Saturday Night Live but it’s called ‘Every Day Live!’ no actors needed!🤣

[@andrewpierce1588]

I wonder why he’s not doing the Wall bit anymore? I guess he doesn’t want to point out another of his failures.

[@koshka.2000]

Brilliant show!

[@edgagne1]

"It's sort of like if Christian rock suddenly believed there is no God." Now that made me literally lol 😂

[@Roof_Pizza]

Bing, bing, bing can only mean one thing. Trump heard the crazy frog song for the first time.

[@Xanderbelle]

Haley pretends not to know the cause of the civil war.... but wears a jumper with 13 stars

[@Justanotherconsumer]

I think she knows. I think she doubts that she can speak truth to power.

[@Zalzany]

To be fair its why dump won't do the debates he would have said "Liberals!" Blamed Lincoln then turned around and compared himself to Lincoln because the 14th amendment case he has to hope SCOTUS will pick up lol

[@Lon.BedStuyforLife]

WORD!!! Right!? 🤷🏽‍♀ Good catch!👍🏽

[@michielvoetberg4634]

I'm from Europe and don't know which amount of stars means what, but even I did notice. That can't be an accident, and it probably isn't a good sign

[@SN-sz7kw]

Good catch.

[@draelyc]

Colbert is the MASTER ~ love the so-subtle-you-prolly-missed-it reference to The Who!

[@TheFlutecart]

..were they playing churchy music behind Trump during his rambling string of words? - Wow.

[@NewMessage]

She may have Judge Judy, but she'll never get Judge Pirro! Unless she brings a box of wine.

[@GTARC-2023]

Trump reading from the teleprompter is comic relief. Trump not reading from the teleprompter...PRICELESS!

[@jacobt4013]

😆 Trump "reading" 😂😂😂

[@StevieWicks]

@@jacobt4013 Maybe his teleprompter really did say, "The United Shtetsh."

[@enadegheeghaghe6369]

​@@StevieWicksgiven what has happened since 2016, maybe "united shtetsh" should be the new name for the country. LOL

[@mammawlee]

Why does he never make sense?

[@mammawlee]

​@@StevieWicks😂😅😂

[@sambabisky4742]

Nice to hear/see your writers are getting their MOJO back.

[@MD4564]

Love the Aussie bit!

[@emeraldeyes58]

Why does his face look "mud brown"?? 🤣

[@amandahudson431]

He didn't get make up on the side of this face😂

[@leagarner3675]

Ikr, it's hard to unsee it

[@shannonwylie9419]

His hairline and ears are so white. 😂