Hashtags:

[@meredithsolis2905]

When people come over I apologize for the mess when there is none so they think I'm more neat than I actually am. #MyDumbLie

[@jasdipkaur6004]

SAME 😥😥😥✋

[@Yvonnization]

This actually seems to be a common thing as when I worked as a cleaning lady, most of the clients apologized even tho their homes looked like they had just cleaned their homes before I got there. Made me question - why do they need someone to come and clean :D

[@happyduck128]

SAME!!!

[@vanessawinkelmann7288]

@@Yvonnization Well from my experience I can tell you apparently quite a lot people actually do clean their house before somebody comes to clean it, because they don't want to be embarrassed but ...yeah... I was wondering too... why you would do that?😅 Or more importantly if you obviously have the time to do it yourself, why waste the money?😅

[@czarinamarushka3224]

The ordering thing.. Too relatable. Hahaha!

[@csillustrations]

For skinny people yes Lol

[@DANIEL-sh2fh]

+Chris Fernandez im kinda chubby and i still do it lol

[@MrNemesisNuke]

+DANIEL ! It's time to stop and hit the gym then.

[@DANIEL-sh2fh]

+The Secret Society sorry netflix and food sound way more fun

[@nadak3032]

+DANIEL ! agreed 😂

[@aamnaasim7951]

The last one was EPIC!!!

[@giftysands6760]

Yeah!

[@amiliamustaffa3414]

Aamna Asim ikr

[@shrugs-]

I thought the title said #mydumblife I was like "same" and clicked

[@cecairegagnier2863]

Lol same 😂

[@chubbytink6414]

Same

[@kierstenlee7516]

Meee

[@oliviastevens3932]

haha same

[@TheJunior3600]

Lmao same bro

[@ButteredCalamari]

I've got a dumb lie: when I was in eighth grade I had brought a mini poker set to school (fancy metal case and all) because my friends and I were having a really intense poker game in this one teacher's class who was totally cool with it. I hadn't been busted yet for bringing a poker set to school (because gambling on school campus is against the law) until at the end of the day, a teacher saw me moving the poker case from my locker to my backpack. He comes up and was like, "What was that?" I GENUINELY SAID, "Drugs!" And he laughed and was like "hahaha good one" and walked off and that kids is how I pretended to have drugs in eighth grade so I wouldn't get busted for having a poker set.

[@Mtz2604]

Anna Grace Travis good one mate

[@tkmaz]

When I was 15 (over 20 yrs ago) I skipped school to go on a roadtrip. There was a pic of my friends and me in front of what is obviously a mountain. I didn't want anyone to know I skipped & my grandmother saw the photo. "Oh, that was Crystal's backyard." I still feel the sting of that one. My grandma pretended she believed me, my sweet grandma.

[@LysandreGagne]

I live alone, I always have a pair of man shoes by the door and when the delivery get's here I yell that the food is there... The best part is eating the whole pizza :)

[@sarahalbers5555]

Well played! I will remember that one.

[@therealrunesead]

In 5th grade, I told everyone I broke my leg while skiing. I really broke it when I jumped down a flight of stairs. Not fell down a flight of stairs; jumped #MyDumbLie

[@ayzhaburwell]

At 2:03 he had like 4 left, and then in the next shot he only has 1 paper left. I wanna see what he skipped

[@amensennac]

He thought we wouldn’t notice but we did

[@paulabruckman1783]

@@amensennac I understood that reference

[@amensennac]

@@paulabruckman1783And I understood THAT reference ❤️

[@haylemoo]

My sister and her friends once ordered Chinese for them all. They wrote down everything and when they went to order, the one who read it to the place misread LG as 1 G. He ordered 1 gallon of rice instead of a large rice.

[@starsaint]

Luckily, frozen rice makes the best fried rice.

[@rbrgef21]

How do you get one gallon of rice

[@haylemoo]

idk i wasn't there, but both my sister and her teacher who became my teacher said yes. He really ordered 1 gallon and they brought it.

[@valentinetc2396]

7.33 pounds of rice is a gallon for rice

[@nickrigdon8883]

The second one is a Key and Peele skit.

[@satyamgawali2734]

I got it too!

[@themccman]

Was gonna comment the same

[@woodrowscott4807]

Wendell

[@qxob2123]

+GOD • Hey, God? Can I ask you a question?

[@woodrowscott4807]

+Marty No, I'm busy

[@bigghoss762]

I told my 3 year old niece that "lame" meant "cool" and got her to call her parents lame.

[@giftysands6760]

You're evil,lol.

[@Jusu331]

Such a daredevil

[@ninanina1787]

😂😂😂😂

[@DeanWLover24]

Omg 0:29 is literally what I should do from now on. If I ever want any leftovers XD!

[@Jay_and_Meeka]

The skipped two! Just before the last one he had three cards in his hand. Then the camera turns back to him and he only has one! We've been duped! I want to know what those said!

[@jessface777]

He ran out of time so just chose one more

[@OlafavonGoeding]

he better be skipping those unfunny fillers he's doing next time

[@OvSpP]

1:56 he tore his rotator cuff rock climbing? More like rocky road climbing.

[@whyamihere1563]

First Summer holidays by the sea. I was 8, maybe. After whole day in water I still wanted "5 more minutes". It was getting close to 6pm and my dad said "you know, at 6pm they're letting the sharks out, for the night". I believed it.

[@hagarsayag4419]

Can you do #ComplimentsGoneWrong?

[@joylolly4458]

May 20th '21 and honestly I'd love to see this one! Hopefully they'll do it some time soon.

[@talalalanazi2358]

Each time i watch this, makes me want to laugh so hard, not the show he is doing funny but his hair is so crazy LOL

[@thedarkknight7626]

😒

[@DANIEL-sh2fh]

احلف

[@cassidyjohnson8803]

🙄🖕🏼

[@alexandria2firmbaby]

my mother found an empty condom wrapper in my brothers room. when she asked him about it, he replied "I'm holding it for a friend."

[@lynnturman8157]

I told the girl I was dating that I was a marine biologist. We were walking down the beach along the ocean one day & we saw a whale was just off the coast dying. There was a crowd there and somebody yelled out "Is anybody here a marine biologist?" Well, I'd lied to my girlfriend so I had to say "I am!" And my girlfriend said "Save the whale. For me." So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you. I was terrified. The waves were crashing down around us and, believe or not, I found myself on top of the whale, face to face with the blowhole. I could tell something was inside, blocking its breathing, so I reached in and pulled out the obstruction. It was a golf ball that my good friend had hit into the VERY SAME OCEAN on the VERY SAME DAY! I mean, what are the odds? But I had saved the whale and to this day, she still thinks I really am a marine biologist. Even though I'm actually an architect. True story.

[@yellowtulips2137]

Is your name George?

[@AllThatAndMore]

+Yellow Tulips Is your name Yellow Tulips?

[@MsGrapeNehi]

THE SEA WAS ANGRY THAT DAY, MY FRIENDS.

[@lynnturman8157]

What-If Machine That's good. Mind if I use for my story from now on?

[@hummus304]

Lynn Turman you must be George Costanza

[@anmolhaans1170]

I got detention at school , when the teacher there asked my name , I said " ashley" ...and the next moment she said repeat it again , I said " grace" .........#MyDumyLie

[@andieb3632]

At 2:06 he has atleast 3 cards in his hand, but at 2:11 there was only 1? Did he skip some?

[@chrisperri2842]

Most likely, to save time for other parts of the show.

[@andieb3632]

I know, but I wish I could still here them. esp on his youtube clips

[@jackiedisspain5406]

Timing thing...

[@WadeWilson-]

Blamed a stinky fart on my dog, but he wasn't in the room.

[@oliviaantonette5647]

Limping out of the lift! Totally did that too! HAHAHAHAHAH

[@YesdogLive]

Ah, another installment of "Lame Things That Never Happened That I Will Tweet As A Joke Because My Life Is Sad". Lots of crowdsourcing fun.

[@tootz1950]

But you watch. Jokes on you.

[@PoppingCobble]

They profit off of you viewing the video just to hate

[@backtothestart02]

lol oh wow at that last one. these were great. XD

[@giftysands6760]

I wonder whether the mom saw her,lol.

[@baileyandthejets6240]

the jerry Seinfeld voice was creeping in at the end lol!

[@43Aquaman]

1:44. Because my name is Doctor Sears, DUH.

[@mustafashabbir1051]

2.08 he had three cards in his hand then he had only the last one out of nowhere??

[@PotterKid183]

+Sidrah Zaheer you know, maybe for the people who watch the show on TV not the highlights.

[@LostChik7]

+Sidrah Zaheer those ones probably just don't go over as well with the audience or the joke they come up with just isn't as good as the others, so they edit them out.

[@saucedonkey88889]

ILLUMINATI FREEMASONS LIZARD PEOPLE RUN THE GOVERNMENT

[@daniheartsmusic]

I know, I think he skips some if they don't have the time.

[@theguy_222]

Mustafa Shabbir 2:08

[@whatiwriteafterthisismainl7133]

Imagine being outside and u hear "dont make me push your bellybutton!"😂😂😂😂

[@NewMessage]

My 7 year old stepson asked me why earthquakes happen, and I said 'Because you touch yourself at night.".. quietest trip to Grandma's ever.

[@generalgrievous5483]

You should've tweeted that

[@BrooklynBrimstone]

Reminds me of one of those old "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy" segments they used to show on SNL in the 90's. I think it went something like, "My son asked me why it rains and I told him, "God's crying." When he asked why God was crying, I replied, "Probably because of something you did." ;)

[@SarwatRattani]

That is one scary lie for the kid 😅

[@manguy2000]

Anyone seeing fifty shades should be embarrassed and ashamed

[@ivonesilva9379]

nao falo ingles

[@shaterawilcoxson1259]

Oh, so you saw it when it first came out then?

[@zoeycoen1017]

manguy2000 Yeah, for wasting money on such a crappy movie.

[@jessicaclark7130]

“ANDWEREALLSHARINGTHESAMEFORK” that got me dying lol

[@MsSaxoBeat257]

I can relate to this so fucking much, especially the delivery and the elevator one. Oh Gawd xD

[@Violinist265]

The first 3 are genius 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@skinkscat]

The last one!!!!!! Also, the pager one sounds like Barney Stinson

[@lenroybrown3348]

When is it never a trending topic????!!!😶 Lol

[@noahwright8109]

1:35 That backfired when he forgot the spare garage door opener, and he met someone

[@lorrainediaz5721]

Good thing on my 18th birthday my parents are not here with me when I watch 50 shades of Grey... but the last one was epic.

[@megvantair740]

The ordering one is hilarious...😂😂😂

[@muziktotheears]

OMG I do the limping thing all the time #thankgodimnottheonlyone

[@MakeupbyAlex]

omg the 50 shades thing happened to my friend as well, her mom found out and i died laughing when she called after telling me everything XD

[@bettydarling9154]

The last one could have been worse... it could have been her dad

[@oldnewheb]

you stole what i was going to write.

[@Mtz2604]

It could be both

[@SHIFTIBOI]

Told Japanese exchange students that koalas are actually a pest here and that's what we put in our meat pies. I didn't see any of them eat a pie after that for the rest of their stay lol

[@naid5533]

the second one reminded me of key and peele - 'pizza order'

[@kimberlyfinch6055]

I scream you scream we all scream for ice cream and 50 shades of it oops I just hit the rest button.

[@sarahcaitlyn88]

While in Cuba, we went to a friend's house.. the uncle couldn't remember my mom's name to ask her to play dominos We were at the back of a long yard she was in the kitchen... He asked what my mom's name was I said "bitch" He started shouting "Bitch!! Bitch!! Hey bitch!!!!" 🤣 She finally realized and immediately knew.. it was either my dad or me who told him that 😇🤷

[@lolalotta2687]

Once I had a period stain at school. Now keep in mind we hadn’t had health class yet so lots of the boys had no idea what it was. They kept saying it was a poop stain so I said that I sat in dirt. Not the best ive got but I tried

[@katiebullock5766]

Oml they're all so funny

[@BunnyCalavera]

this is by far my favourite segment of the show! :)

[@charisamartin2152]

The second one.. Hilarious!

[@alex.dahl02]

This is my favourite segment!!

[@deborahmorais2853]

The last one was the best!!! hahahahaha

[@Cccv779]

When I was in 11th grade, I told my teacher that my father was dead so I can go home. The teacher was actually his brother. #MyDumbLie

[@jasdipkaur6004]

whaattt 😭😭😭😭😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@chiquicozzarelli16]

How didn't you recognise your own uncle?

[@tugcebalta86]

Coming... "Don't say again!" Because her blank brain's gone to Keanu, it's stuck there. But I'm an obsession medicine and will give all of them. ♌ 🔆 👑

[@GlennDavey]

Steve Higgins voice does add another dimension to the show I've realised this year. Is that guy still alive or what?

[@congunners]

These things are so much better when they don't let the sidekick do much of the speaking!

[@larissahale6525]

I have totally done the limping one. A lot.

[@RiotGrl416]

I tore my labrum falling down the stairs. It's traditionally a sports injury.

[@patriciaabell9393]

I saw a funny show on Myth busters. .. they proved that if you wrapped a life jacket around one end of the door, both lovers could float their way to a happy ending! :-)

[@timothylewis2811]

3 cards in his hand a 2:09 and at 2:11 it's the last one? WTF!

[@carpaintings]

He must not have had enough time D:

[@andreitaalvarezcardo]

i told a kid i just to babysit that if he touch his Pipi to much will fall off and he wont have it again.

[@SchulzEricT]

His future girlfriend can blame you when he pees all over the seat.

[@dansingwithpiano4509]

Genius

[@rachkate76]

The first one is gold! 😂

[@smiley27b]

love this one

[@flaviagensem]

I love those hashtags 😍

[@lucefina5091]

I order food for me and I don't care they gettin paid!

[@rileyhume7112]

K, the day after this aired I tore my rotator cuff rock climbing. Swear to god.

[@giftysands6760]

Liar, liar pants on fire!

[@long25714]

liar liar plants for hire

[@rains155]

The last one was funny as hell😂

[@priyamsharma6953]

1:08 I actually do that so often😂

[@alexgregg1058]

These are not lies they are just alternative truths. ;)

[@lucindabean1646]

My Dad told my 5 yr old neighbor that Lemonade puts hair around your belly button. His Mom called my Dad and yelled at him cuz she couldn’t figure out WHY she was going through TWO large containers of Lemonade mix a week...He would drink a large glass of lemonade and immediately lift up his shirt to see if he had hair yet🙄😂

[@sarahpanther]

......Sometimes I pretend not to have heard people, so they have to repeat what they said. Even if I heard them perfectly fine. Mostly so I have more time to think of a response and make sure I'm not about to say something dumb 😂

[@samantharandom7610]

I LOVED THE LAST ONE OMG hahahahha

[@ufoundkaleysheree]

It was Rocky Road .... 😅🙈

[@kellymadeline5889]

These were great XD

[@noahknutsen995]

Pray feel steep everybody.

[@danwrizzo]

When i was 4 i told my dad i dug the qumran caves My last name is Avidan

[@kypoll1608]

When Jimmy picks up the cards at 2:08 he has 3 cards left and then he says "the last one..." Hmmm...

[@marinadiaz1762]

The last one though! XD

[@vonreeves17]

The ice cream one was the best!

[@bratchbone1992]

Acchhoooooo.... UP YOURS!!!!!!! Lol

[@TheReal_Dirty_Dan]

The second hashtag was a key & peel skit

[@bcaye]

I go up stairs all the time, but if you have knee issues, going down stairs can wreck you.

[@tugcebalta86]

💵 🔑 😱 is naked! That's natural for it! Run away Keanu, run away...

[@GentM2015]

Being caught watching Fifty shades of grey should be a punishment by law because that thing violates every human sense.

[@BloodHavik]

Yes cause let's take more freedom away from people. Seems right ~

[@BloodHavik]

***** Uhhh I would like your proof of the time where she used her safeword and he didn't stop. I've read all the books and not once did I read her saying the safeword and him ignoring. I see claims on the internet everywhere about people saying he ignored her use of it but they never give proof...So before saying something make sure you have solid proof to back it up ~ Christian gave her multiple chances to use her safeword and she didn't because she wanted to see how far she could go. So how is he to blame for that?

[@SchulzEricT]

LGBT Lover I think the biggest, most obvious difference is that nobody trying to claim that you should act like characters in movies like the ones you are using as an example, either explicitly or implicitly. With 50 Shades that's not so much the case. It's supposed to be sexy, and abusing somebody isn't sexy. BDSM can be sexy, to some people, under the right circumstances, but 50 Shades didn't really respect the culture. People comment on 50 Shades because it is relatively unique - in its success within the genre - but people comment negatively about it because it's of such poor quality: the writing, the story, the dialogue, and the character development. I mean, to be fair, I didn't read the whole thing, but that's kind of the point. I almost never quit on a book, even subpar novels. And enough people have trashed the book for the reasons that I thought it was low quality, for the same reasons, that I feel confident that it didn't get better as it went on.

[@BloodHavik]

SchulzEricT​ Lol not gonna explain to you why you shouldn't blame a movie/show for YOUR actions. "Omg Law & Order made me kill someone cause I saw some things to do to get away with murder. It's all the shows fault" sounds stupid right? That's cause it is. If you are so weak-minded to let a show/movie control how you think and what you do then you shouldn't be watching those things, period. You make your own choices and life decisions, you have no one else to blame but yourself. 

[@GentM2015]

SchulzEricT Bro she OWNS ALL 4 FIFTY SHADES OF GREY books, that should explain everything anyone needs to know about her as a human being lol don't waste your time.

[@trudilearnahan5564]

When my girls were1 year old to around years old I had them convince I could unscrew their belly buttons and their legs and arms would fall off lol

[@sabrina6942]

You must have left them terrified for years.

[@Hotshots2890]

lol did Jimmy do a quick Jerry impersonation at the end lol

[@945chumFM]

I love hashtags

[@hamiltontrash1019]

My dumb lie was in 3rd grade when I was crying at school in my desk and a girl asked "what's wrong" I didn't want to say that my mom got super pissed at me that morning so I just said "I forgot to feed my dog"

[@catxo169]

I love hashtags 😂😂

[@amandawang4948]

And then a racoon came in... #MyDumbLie

2:08 he was holding 3 papers and after that the video went straight to "this last one..." ?

[@inthemix7640]

I told Billy Bush I was held up at gunpoint. I forgot they have security cameras in Rio.

[@GyDaBi]

JIMMY FOR GOD'S SAKE IF BRITNEY SPEARS IS COMING ON THE SHOW FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S GOOD AND PURE PLEASE DO THE PUP QUIZ WITH HER

[@AestheticChanelxoxo]

"up yours" 😂😂

[@ChefBrendan84]

We all do that when we phone order shit!!!

[@gilberzj1]

the shade to Ryan Lochte is so real here

[@iamdee2615]

My friend got a tattoo, but his Dad doesn’t like tattoo. So one day his Dad saw it and ask him “ That’s a tattoo?” “ Hmmm no Dad, it’s an iron on stickers.” Iron on lol

[@karalyyyn]

The Chinese food one is literally me LMAOOO

[@alexanderthomas8784]

By far the best Hashtags