Hawaiian King Kalaniʻōpuʻu Meets Captain Cook (feat. Ken Marino) - Drunk History

[@missylavery]

“What are you, white?!?!?” Lmao that’s gold

[@wanrazul]

White people are the worst...

[@TheNathanacer]

Why is that funny?

[@ethanharmer5151]

Yep. Your right this is funny. Attributing a negative quality to a race. Super funny. Not racist at all. I know I am gonna hear a bunch of comments about how white people cant take the kind of crap that blacks people do. But come on. A history of racisim doesn’t excuse more racisim. Even if it’s on the other side

[@teslaanderson6407]

Someone make the shirt!

[@ethanharmer5151]

Tesla Anderson “What are you? Black”

[@garygwong88]

The narrator clearly is from here or at least spent a significant amount of time here... the "Brah..not even,eh" is perfect lol

[@larurentius]

Iirc he grew up in Hawaii

[@Zoogore6777]

I was thinking that myself!

[@ArchoniusXXVII]

Yeah Jonah is from Hawaii.

[@keahinoalange4916]

Foolish Mortal just because he has baby pidgin don’t mean shit, his portrayal of this story is inaccurate in its most important parts. Would make any fellow kanaka cringe

[@JarinUdom]

@@ArchoniusXXVII Yep, I met him at Comic-Con and when he asked me what school I went to, that’s how I knew he was a true local boy

[@andmicbro1]

He forgot to mention, when Cook first arrived it was during their festival when the celebrated life, so it was food and sex all the time. But when Cook came back the new season had come, the war season. So yeah, Cook's timing could not have been worse. They'd just outworn their welcome, and the guys who wanted to go to war with the Europeans for having sex with all their women and eating all their food suddenly had an excuse to mess with the Brits when they came back. Though they were pretty tame, stealing stuff from the Brit's supply and whatnot, no open hostilities until Cook took the chief.

[@allim.5941]

Braugh, 34, they mentioned it.

[@haeun6859]

...they didn’t forget to mention it....

[@Archer89201]

Food and sex season !!! What more can a man want?

[@damienjoseph7540]

Jayzus fucking Christ I was there and dancing to doing the pyramid song and Bob Marley laughing his tits off,, you should just believe everything

[@damienjoseph7540]

Whatnot until cook took the chief 😂

[@MerkhVision]

As bad as the British were portrayed to seem in this, I’m sure the reality was that they were even worse

[@MattTiyana]

Agreed😂

[@ncowboy677]

Had us in the first half

[@niallblack2794]

From what I've read about this particular event this was pretty accurate. It's like we were absolutely awful here (I'm British) and I am just somehow thankful we weren't even worse given our track record. That excuses and explains nothing consider how awful this was and the loss of life. Plus the whole here have our sisters bit is um... Well... That is pretty awful too. But I just breathed a huge sigh of relief when the crew just finally left. Also, King Kalani'ōpu'u deserves a freaking award for being such a good arbitrator and being so damn patient. Also, so forgiving too! People could really learn alot from him. It just goes to show precisely how awesome the Hawaiians were in mindset compared to the British here. It could not be more stark! The Hawaiians stole some things because they abused their hospitality and then the British shot a kid to retaliate. In what way is that anything other than intentionally excessive, unwarranted, unjust, entitled and malicious escalation?!?!

[@rokkfel4999]

Oh you have no idea

[@jobehernandez8541]

i was upset that they didnt mention all of the std's

[@gravyjones8305]

"Opening shot--" "NO." "...Sorry about that; I got excited."

[@CanyonSkates]

That was fucked he was about to get into it and got shot down.

[@coalandsinatrakittiecats7358]

I'm assuming he said something a bit to messed up. Like "opening shot, something racist". The way the host is acting afterwards and the way he is almost chastised and sorry like he done fucked up give it away.

[@elijahh2220]

"Captain Cook gets killed in this situation!" Me: *immediately fistpumps*

[@SebastianB18]

But he didnt. He made it back to the UK after the mutiny in a sloop.

[@hoppy5359]

@@SebastianB18 he was killed in Hawaii tho

[@SebastianB18]

@@hoppy5359 he was not he made it back to England and reported the mutinity. There was a massive search for the mutineers who ended up settling on the island of Pitcairn.

[@1viridis]

no, that was Captain Bligh of the Bounty, as in, "Mutiny on the Bounty."

[@SebastianB18]

@@1viridis I stand corrected. *sighbligh*

[@johnnylchalk2370]

can u guys do the overthrow of our queen in hawaii

[@grimfryggdrasil6098]

Eric Kim Nah, not conquered. Illegally overthrown. Hawaii was an internationally recognized nation, and had an allyship with the Americans. Years later the Americans betrayed the Hawaiians.

[@INT_MAX]

@Eric Kim BLEACHED

[@tails512]

@@grimfryggdrasil6098 Illegally overthrowing the government and annexing it is conquering it.

[@mykiamoto7145]

I think they already did

[@mojojoji5493]

@@grimfryggdrasil6098 it is illegal just mainlanders say it’s not I remember Bill Clinton saying sorry lol

[@bryandehart670]

In 1820, the first Christian missionaries arrived. Shortly afterward, Western traders and whalers came, bringing with them diseases that devastated the native Hawaiian population. Hawaiians had numbered about 300,000 when Cook arrived. By 1853, the native population was down to 70,000.

[@Manuelucci2]

Whos the actor king in the red crown? He's perfect!

[@jessietwee]

Eugene Cordero, but he'll always be Pillboi to me!

[@karnmccloud5632]

@@jessietwee PILLBOOOOI!

[@elissamarcus]

@@jessietwee oh dip!!! pillboi!!!!!

[@Gibbles432]

But where's my man Donkey Doug, yo?

[@KainoaB4]

elissamarcus oh dip Jason!

[@spencerblair4110]

Imagen what the world would be like if white colonist were nice to people

[@nestoralves3050]

No colonist was ever nice. Whoye black brown etc.

[@skill99nub]

Same shithole, if you think it's only the white colonist that acted like psychopaths then you have no real view of this world.

[@TK-ij2xi]

It was about conquering & big egos, mutual respect wasn't really a thing - it was "play" respect until you get what you want from whoever, they didn't care the skin color - they just wanted their land, etc.

[@Elephantstonica]

Well, then they wouldn’t be *colonialists.* Colonialism is by definition, bad.

[@sarathewonderful7561]

TK W Lmao..They cared a lot about skin color.

[@JohnOhkumaThiel]

“What’s wrong with you? What are you, White?” I think I busted a lung laughing.

[@maytay_woo]

“Hey Jonah, it’s dad.” 😂😂😂😂😂

[@kennethmanning6185]

Mary Taylor fuckin lost it lol

[@hexreviews]

And then Hawai'i never had to deal with douchie colonizers ever again! If only

[@pauloj.1428]

Not true ... check the passport, Its just a race but its americans now and yes you have been colonized.

[@rickkcir2151]

If only, they could have enjoyed being centuries behind on the tech tree from the rest of the world. Or better yet, they could of had fun being exterminated by the Japanese or annexed by the United States during WWII to establish a Pacific stronghold. Man, I wish my ancestors were never integrated/forced into a more advanced civilization, primitive life just seems so super duper amazing.

[@ameliajones5497]

@@rickkcir2151 Just imagine the fun they had being exterminated by the Americans and being forced into homelessness and poverty. But hey at least they were integrated into a "superior" culture by way of plantation work and destruction of their family units.

[@rickkcir2151]

Christopher Jones Yeah, and it seems it worked out for them in the end.

[@cosuinofdeath]

Wahhh

[@SaraBanartist]

Jonah seems to be enjoying his time since he got back from space. Too bad the robots couldn't make the shoot...

[@beeg9423]

Lately they're not drunk enough for me.

[@tinaloye2014]

Some ppl can handle their drink

[@beeg9423]

@@tinaloye2014 I want the ones who can't.

[@miniash1939]

100% same. The dude from Mighty Boosh is currently the closest to the level I expect. But everyone else is slacking hard. Lin Manuel’s episode though is hilarious.

[@ZZ-sb8os]

That's because what you're not seeing, with those really drunk presenters, are the three hours of struggling to keep them on task, keep them on the story, keep them actually sitting up and not making baby-like sound effects with their mouths, and all the other stupid things that really drunk people do. I'd bet that Derek has learned there's a fine line between drunk enough to be entertaining, and too drunk to be useful.

[@beeg9423]

@@ZZ-sb8os you explained BTS that nobody cares about. If they're not slurring, burping, spilling drinks, laying on the floor, and showcasing their real quirks while giving us quality recount of history then I don't want it or don't call it Drunk History.

[@jennylee9278]

Magellan made a similar mistake and was served for dinner later.

[@micro-babe]

I'm Filipino and I talk about how we killed Magellan a lot when I'm drunk.

[@myboyz9391]

I busted out laughing when that big rock hit Cook in the head. Lol

[@miniash1939]

British people whenever they watch anything remotely related to history: 😐😬🤦🏽‍♀️😳😲😶🤷🏽‍♀️

[@Elephantstonica]

mini ash At least Britain has since given its territories and former colonies the option of self determination. Including parts of the British Isles themselves. Hawaii was annexed by the US, and that was that. As for the rest of North and South America, that is all still under the control of colonial descendants. On November 28, 1843, at the Court of London, the British and French Governments formally recognized Hawaiian independence. Hawaii was the first non-European indigenous state whose independence was recognised by the major powers. The United States declined to join with France and the United Kingdom in this statement. Even though President John Tyler had verbally recognized Hawaiian independence, it was not until 1849 that the United States did formally. Then eventually America annexed Hawaii with the House Joint Resolution 259, 55th Congress, 2nd session, known as the "Newlands Resolution," which passed Congress and was signed into law by President McKinley on July 7, 1898. Once annexed by the United States, the Hawaiian islands remained a U.S. territory until 1959, when they were admitted to statehood as the 50th state.

[@theresnot4863]

@@Elephantstonica wow

[@BloodlessJG]

This is the americans version, not what really happen, close but no

[@sarathewonderful7561]

godscop999 I have no idea what you just said. But i’m taking your word for it!!

[@tysmith9309]

godscop999 yeah and now Hawaii is a first class state Tell me .. what former British colony given independence is close to that? Also y’all were basically forced too after the 2nd world war as the US my doctrinally non colonialist. Aka the suez canal incident ...

[@dailydoseofaloha]

YES!!! Jonah is from hawaii, this makes me so happy that someone from hawaii is relaying this story!

[@napuacamarillo8040]

@@hammah8085 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonah_Ray

[@itzcheez9851]

The fact that this was told by a Drunk Haole makes it 10x better😂😂😂

[@Alex.Kaleipahula]

Fuk dat guy one mahu

[@randalllakeworth3134]

1000x

[@composerdavidgiannivaldez367]

Lmao his Hawaiian accent is hilarious

[@emiwheeeee]

pillboi!

[@wormisapunkrocker]

Ayyy

[@gunsandkithes6900]

FUCIN FINALLLYYYY! YEZZZZ YEZZZ YEZZ

[@chaoticandrew5983]

"like a mosh pit" rock music plays

[@ruthrichardson9717]

I lost it there 🤣

[@milascave2]

This is the first time I heard this version of the story. In all the other versions I have heard, the Hawaiians did think he was the God Lono the first time he arrived. He arrived during the festival of Lona and came from the direction associated with him. Lono is a sky God, his symbol is white cloth on a stick, looking like clouds, and also like a ship's sails. He is white, and Cooks's crew was white, and he was extra white because he wore a white wig and face powder. He is associated with technology, and they had all sorts of technology they had not seen. And, while they did overuse their hospitality, he did give them something, boat nails, which they saw as a great new technology because they turned them into better fish hooks than they had before. The second time he came in the month of the war God Ku, and he came from the wrong direction. They gradually came to realize that he was not a God. They stole his lifeboat to burn it to get the fish hooks, which started the whole conflict. Stealing was not actually forbidden among their laws, because there was no specific kapu (taboo) against it. That is the version I have heard, and the one told during a tour on the Big Island of Hawaii. I wonder what the source on this version was.

[@sirhana]

youtube version is version by and for simple Americano. And alcohol in it is just excuse for his, theirs poor knowledge about history and other stuff.

[@rottenhead8385]

the alcohol, I think..

[@Finishnails4F1]

The version you heard is the myth

[@gaberettberg4196]

"What's wrong with u? What are u, white?" Bahahaha!😂😂

[@benkmoskomusic3679]

Jonah’s Dad seems like a funny guy lol

[@NattyIce553]

What happened at the beginning? Why did he say no and get awkward when he started with “opening shot”?

[@Gibbles432]

That's just not how they usually narrate, I guess. It maybe doesn't fit the format? Or maybe it's because not everybody understands writing/film lingo.

[@avamiller1245]

He is just meant to tell the story, not dictate each shot.

[@daydreamer412]

Ya and he got weird like halfway through again too..

[@KitwaIker]

“Let’s go and party with them, cause I’ve never been to a party where I’m a god”

[@emma.leighhh7675]

Oh and when colonizers came they banned hula, imprisoned queen Lili'uokalani, and enforced a new governmental syestem, and more.

[@Nyasiamonique]

the way captain cook got hit by a rock LMFAO even the Sound Effect of it 4:31

[@AlecBenzer]

4:32 that's gonna leave a mark

[@Onsanio]

Jonah did not seem drunk enough for this to be an official episode, what did they do to him before returning him to earth?!!

[@MattTiyana]

Who goes to an island then automatically comes up with "THE LOCALS THINK WE ARE GODS!"

[@marquis911]

Like every single white colonist since Columbus.

[@probablynotaspy2806]

Because the locals actually did believe they were associated by gods, it's not necessarily the Brits fault for misunderstanding a language they've never heard before.

[@iriswest8677]

Let's do a shot. *LAUGHS* *just stands there waiting for him to pour a shot* LAUGH WITH ME!

[@melinavillegas7128]

when he said: "what are you white??" That shit killed me cuz like he ain't wrong AT ALLLLL

[@t-moemoseley8308]

Discovering a place that is already inhabited, is not discovery... IJS.

[@prettyinpinky5937]

T-Moe Moseley that was my exact thought

[@poopsiedoodlesp8506]

It is if Hawaii is never recorded in the maps of most of the world's population. It is discovery just like how finding a new species of fish is discovery. It is discovery because to the general public of the world, it was an unknown.

[@flofromprogressive4166]

In the guy's defense he did put up finger quotations

[@josiahlincoln5831]

Poopsiedoodles :P lol, Hawaii as a landmass was discovered by the Polynesians. Europeans say they discovered it because of a superiority complex thinking that only Western civilization has the capability to discover things. Just because an area is made known to the greater population of the world doesn’t make it undiscovered until that point. It just means that the Europeans came in at second place. No shame in it; they just weren’t as good navigators as the Polynesians.

[@BazzBrother]

@@josiahlincoln5831 exactly. If the Indian population just now found out about american apple pie, that doesnt mean Indians discovered apple pie because they have a substantial larger population pool than the US.

[@brycevo]

This is the best Glad to see my history like this 😂😂😂

[@aloha4ina]

yo they even spelled it decently, props for that at most

[@mauitherapper1653]

"what's wrong with you?! What are you, white?!!" 🤣🤣🤣 This part got me on the floor

[@superchar4592]

What’s the best thing about Hawai’i? “The weather” What’s the worst thing about Hawai’i? “The weather” I live in Hawaii and that’s too accurate

[@carlosbanderas4238]

"James Cook" "I prefer the real one!" "Thomas Cook" "I Said the REAL ONE." "bancrupcy" "Perfection"

[@funkmate1547]

How do we don't have an episode of drunk history about the queen of jhansi yet?

[@BlaiseRashelHarman10]

Funk Mate YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, this is my new career goal

[@soyasony9232]

TRUE OMG IT WOULD BE PERFECT

[@vanillathunder3024]

I’d watch a show called “Stoned History” ...same principle. On Vice there’s Action Bronson watches Ancient Aliens which is kind of like that but I’d like to see that world expand...

[@richvela706]

the face he makes when he says "gnarly" lol

[@anthonyanderson8509]

I wish we could give Hawaii back to its people 🤙🏽

[@elisabettaepiney9896]

Lol loving the mosh pit 😂

[@funnylittlegirl12345]

"What are you? White?!" That saying aged like a fine wine 🍷

[@tiarepaaoao6874]

We stole a small boat and nails and he killed the chiefs son so we ate him.

[@jedicide]

Damn. I had no idea Jonah was so tall. They really hid it on MST3K.

[@GraphicJ]

So spot on the "weather" part. It's great when it's great but diarrhea horrible when its uber humid.

[@williamkearns2482]

R.I.H The 100 Native Hawaiians:(1720s-1779) R.I.P The 60 British Soldiers::(1720s-1779)

[@tanermishler8564]

They left to explore the coast of california and alaska for a year and then returned in 1779 i think, when they returned it was the start of the warring season so the hawaiians were in a completely different mood. So they were a lil annpyed with the brits when they left. When the brits went to leave the second time thats when their main mast broke. Not the first time.

[@WilliamKearns5393]

R.I.P The 38/3 Maori People:(1620S-1659) R.I.P The 34/4 Dutch Marines:(1600S-1662)

[@romainsavioz5466]

okay muchachos let's roll up on these muchachos

[@SiyabongaAfrica]

Romain Savioz I acknowledge your B99 reference 👌🏾

[@selir.5139]

I was scrolling through all the comments looking for this😂

[@Fermifire]

2:19 I lost it, LMAO

[@e.l.j.1082]

I didn't even notice at first LOL

[@cherri84]

I love this one! So funny...love the acting!!! (and storytelling)

[@Ganbarizer]

the guy rocking out at 4:31 had me rolling.

[@Shae29]

4:13 me being shocked as hell 4:17 me laughing so hard in the middle of a supermarket parking lot and people looking at me😂😂

[@eliburry-schnepp6012]

That's what happens when you try to kidnap Pillboi

[@mayenn2006]

You know, I really thought he was saying "Captain Hook", for quite a while! 😄

[@dessab.3159]

if you guys like this story I recommend a really good book that has to do with this story. It is inspired by the authors great grandparents. it is basically about a young girl who's fiance is killed in a battle. She takes the person that killed her fiance as prisoner and they basically fall in love. It is a romance but It talks a lot about their culture and feminism. It is called a song for the stars. One of my favorites

[@peyfalehrramp5645]

"hey dad, what do you think the greatest thing of Hawaii is?" "The weather". "What do you think the worst thing about Hawaii is?" "The weather". *Hehehehehe hehehehe*

[@Vanej123]

Jonah!!! I love your work so much!

[@MassWaveTV]

2:54 he says "FIST 👊 MY BOAT 🚢"

[@RaveBabyFuu]

I love that they knew to use the term Haole! xD

[@porkchop4401]

Who else reloads a page over and over until the video starts rather then watching 15 seconds of commercials. Usualy only takes a couple times but is faster and less annoying than a commercial for something i don't care about.

[@joinsideke]

Just get adblock

[@flacocoque5712]

1:14 play its tough to be a god from El dorado

[@808ERIC808ERIC]

as a native of Hawaii, he has the pidgin talk down

[@WilliamKearns5393]

(King Kalanatamau Kaiamamano PNS NPS SJPNS VS Ceptain David Nook PRN RPN HMPRN) (The 100 Native Samoans VS The 19 Polish Marines)

[@koya6470]

*”What’s wrong with you, what are you white?”* *Me and the natives can relate.*

[@chefboy-ar-d6312]

"Bra hows des haules"😆 i love this it's so true😆😆😆👏👏⛳🏌️‍♂️

[@TheKlabim]

That's not captain Cook, that's CJ!

[@tadakimacun]

CJ is an idiot in all the timelines lmao

[@riakun]

What's the best thing about Hawaii? The weather. What's the worst thing about Hawaii? ... The weather. X'D

[@karnmccloud5632]

RIP Benny Harvey. Gone but not forgotten, miss ya big man

[@ejswain875]

Why is your pidgeon so good?😂

[@samanthadrennan]

Well now we know where Jonah got his sense of humor

[@AnthonyTett1997]

For some reason I thought the title said “How King’s Hawaiian Buns Were Discovered.”

[@ngznz]

YO that's Pillboy!! Awesome!!

[@SweetCarolineBAMBAMBAM]

"Oh Dadday" 😅 @the end of the video

[@RhangDao]

Why did he interrupt the opening shot thing lol

[@Kimmotion1]

This show is hysterical 😂

[@abigarcia8755]

OPENING SHOT...no. no....Sorry I got excited 😆

[@themightykyuss]

Finally, someone not overselling their drunkenness. Was beginning to think they just got a bunch of lightweight, overactors to do this show.

[@Chefgrlangel]

Did the host just do a shot of cola lol tf 😹

[@phoebechambers4769]

Who else wanted to say Captain Hook the entire time? (never been first omg)

[@billyfraiser6298]

I wanted to say Captain Crunch for some reason

[@ageaustin426]

2:00 everyone there is like bro, are we tripping on that wired coconut water - cuz I heard something

[@minabee333]

“he’s a rad god, he’s all about food and fuckin!!!! let’s PARTY”

[@joh380]

Best episode

[@amandak4148]

The chemistry between Derek And Jonah was really tense here.

[@Lalalalala...]

I learned about this years ago, bit I didn't know or forgot about the dude shooting the nephew. That's not nice

[@StrangeTamer178]

Lmao "what are you...white?" We do have a history of walking up in places and pillaging

[@ferretonaskateboard246]

Why does he kind of sound like The Rock?? Lol

[@musicaleuphoria8699]

He kinda does, now that you mentioned it.

[@misti-step]

happy anniversary!

[@ElPayasoMalo]

In very recent history Last Sunday, AD There was a guy named Jonah Not too much drunker than you or me...

[@itsesozaaa6929]

Can you do Rasputin next?

[@beefstroganoff3297]

"Oopsy." "Shhhut the fuck up."

[@amirwarsanah9191]

Captain Cook be like "Come on and party tonight... " #Brooklyn99

[@ElLenadorLA]

Was always told I was related to captain cook, didn’t believe it. Took a 23&me test and have 2% southeast Asian. Weird because the entire rest of me is British/Irish. Suppose it’s correct. As far as I knew my family left Ireland because of the famine.

[@mamc1986]

OMG, its Jonah from Mystery Science Theater 3000!

[@sillau9]

Lol,they should of gotten more actual Polynesians to play the Hawaiians,lol