WHAT IS IT LIKE DATING IN GERMANY? tips & advice

[@bjo_Ern]

I am German and my wife is from Romania. We met 10 years ago in Ireland. None of is was looking for a relation, as she was divorcing and I was only a few month out of a long distance relation. The only language we have in common is English. Did we had our fair share of issue bases on language over time, sure. Was it worth the struggle in the beginning? Hell yes. Our kids were born Irish and we immerse ourselves into the culture here. It can be useful not not speak the language of your date, especially if both communicate in a foreign language. Love will always find its way.

[@LifeforstudyonlyNew]

I think it is good. I just think maybe it depends on individual thinking and how you define your satisfication and happiness. I think for some people learn each other's languages and culture is one of the heart and core of who they are and what they want to show to their kids, show to their significant others . I think if want to know each other deeper language mahbe not a difficult thing to learn and learning about each others and understand and practice with each others and put more meaningful meanings to each other can be better. ❤ wish your family a happy life.

[@eljanrimsa5843]

As a guy I have learned to ask if it's OK if I pay. Some women prefer to pay for themselves, others are happy to let you pay for everything. You just don't know without asking.

[@ayalaeichenkind9018]

"Darf ich dich einladen?" kommt immer gut an.

[@ABc-nu6jb]

No woman prefers that. No man no matter where in the world should ever let any woman pay on a date that’s embarrassing and cheap

[@Alias_Anybody]

This may be more about body image than dating itself, but women shouldn't be too concerned about what they eat on a date (or even relaxing evenings with friends). As you are paying for your own food anyway, if you haven't eaten all day and NEED that XXXL pizza right now then go girl! No half decent guy will judge you. Let him talk while you eat, no issues.

[@KalamwaShafic]

😂

[@thomasstaub5783]

I am a German man with a twist. And don't like and understand the German way of dating too. It's s so cold as ice on terms!!! I used to talk to woman on streets, bars, sjppping centres, bars etc.. Let me say i left Germany when i was 19 years old, left my birthplace behind for a magical 31 years adventure in a foreign country Uk. Once married to a woman of colour and a dating experience so open as the pposite as now back in Germany. It shaped me the way i see the real world and real dating. Hands up for you Heley it made my day even better you found your other half!!! I always pay on first dates for dinner, lunch, small bites, coffee shops with a small walk by de river.. It's a gentleman's way and appreciate that you can do something good through eyes of another's ....

[@judithkuzay6224]

I am a German woman and I don't like dating in Germany. Most German guys don't flirt and don't approach a woman self - confidently. I spent 1 year in the USA and LOVED dating in the USA. American guys are more self - confident and randomly come up to you , say you are beautiful, ask for your name and number . I had more dates in the USA than in Germany

[@Alias_Anybody]

Because it clashes with rule #1: Don't bother strangers without a good reason.

[@judithkuzay6224]

@@Alias_Anybody flirting is a good Reason 😊 men should be allowed to be men

[@Alias_Anybody]

@@judithkuzay6224 But I think he's not a real man unless he buys you from your father and pays in cattle. /s

[@judithkuzay6224]

@@Alias_Anybody why the sarcasm?

[@bitasheibani5905]

I appreciate the honesty of German men. American men tend to treat "dating" as something formal and analyze every move and every comment and have it "mean" something. Everything is so serious with American men. After 3 dates, for example, you sleep together and "x" more dates, "y" has to happen and then you have to have "the talk"! Plus if you are not from the US, they are absolutely "not" interested in your background, they don't have much knowledge about other cultures and countries, they don't travel outside of the US. So it's hard to have a real conversation. For me, it's extremely frustrating. I much prefer the German way without all this "you are beautiful" because it can be a "come-on" line. It often doesn't mean anything. The only thing I would be careful about regarding a German man is whether they are prejudiced regarding someone who is not German.

[@jha6783]

Hi Hayley, I am so sorry that you had that experience with those rude dudes. As a german, I have to agree to some of your explanations but as a gentleman you would always pay the bill and you would try to be as kind as possible to the lady. If not, than you are just an unpolite person. I am so sorry that you made that bad experience. I think that even if you are polite, you should be honest and true. That means that you should not give somebody the feeling of recognition if it is not the truth. This is a form of honesty and respect.

[@rolandscherer1574]

Some thoughts as a German man: 1 - German men consider women to be equal, even when it comes to bearing the expenses. However, the contribution is based on earnings; a man with more income will also pay more. 2 - In the U.S., if a woman hits a man, she can be relatively sure that he won't hit her back. In Germany, women have equal rights, so if they start a fight, they may have to live with the echo. 3 - Especially if I am interested in a woman, I must not harass her, because she is an independent, equal person. Americans seem to take that as disinterest, but it's just politeness. 4 - About the language: German men have similar problems as you, Hayley. Even if we can communicate in English, we can't make sparkle our intellect in English the way we can do it in German.😉 And that makes us look stupid and humorless.

[@drgoodwell1082]

Which are the famous german movies..or their favourite actresses or actors things to learn...which touches th emotionally which is the best language learning for professional and personal life ..let me atudy

[@kisskiess]

Hello dear

[@sandorx4]

You make Germany sound like a glum place, which it is. Every time I go there, I can't wait to leave the country.

[@kleinermaulwurf8530]

Funny how close the word "payin''" is to the word "pain"...

[@peterkoller3761]

you are a true philosopher!

[@RealConstructor]

To my surprise I see a lot of similarities between German and Dutch dating. I thought we neighbors were miles apart in daily life. To my opinion we are a bit more ‘locker’ in social interaction and Germans are more formal and traditional, more ‘Ordnung muss sein’. Funny to hear your experiences.

[@folkehoffmann1198]

I feel like younger people are starting to be less formal these days. Of course that doesnt apply to everyone but I think that's the tendency. It might be different depending on where in Germany you are though. Greetings to our neighbors in the Netherlands!

[@elrabiator5104]

ORDER!!!

[@ketamu5946]

I had a good laugh, especially after your Zugspitze video which was filled with the banter of a typical german couple. So that might also be a good insight for foreigners asking for dating in germany. Many germans expect their partner to carry their own weight at least in modern times. It might be a good telling point how modern you are going to be treated if the other demands to pay all the bills. To be honest, a woman that stands her ground is incredibly attractive 🤣

[@dirkgoldschmitt6572]

Einen schönen zweiten Advent, Hayley. 👍🌹Ich denke, Deine Tipps sind hilfreich, danke dafür 👋

[@MaskedBishop]

Don't order something you can't afford. 😅 Honestly I can only see this making things uncomfortable for both sides. And it's one thing when it has been decided beforehand, but when someone you don't know well just pays for you, although you are totally capable of doing it by yourself and you intended to do so, it can also feel overly dominant. So that way could also go very wrong, depending on the mindsets.

[@37Raffaella]

Yeah 🎉…Sunday morning with Hayley…

[@suzetteospi]

"If you haven't gotten your cuddle buddy by now you might be spending this winter cold as heck." This sentence made me think of the last lines of Rainer Maria Rilke's poem "Herbsttag": Wer jetzt kein Haus hat, baut sich keines mehr, wer jetzt allein ist, wird es lange bleiben, wird wachen, lesen, lange Briefe schreiben und wird auf den Alleen hin und her unruhig wandern, wenn die Blätter treiben.

[@bearenkindercool]

hayley, 5 years ago you coquet with your german language skills especially your absolutely perfect pronounciation. fact is, it is a fact, you are perfect in german. you often emphasised (in many videos) you were mixed (like feeling uncomfortable). i will tell you one thing. the fact you are as you are makes you special. we germans love you as a person as you are. mike is no exception.this is probably he loves you, tear away prejudices. if you walk around the city you are not stared at because you are mixed (we have lots of nationalities here in germany as you know), we look (!) at you because you are a beautiful woman. as well you are well-provided with german humor (which you learned over time). your videos especially with mike, are hilarious, that is what most of your viewers commented. both of you have a secret to tell, which you lately dropped down why flying back and forth so many times lately. my guess is, rataplan (trommelwirbel) probably the least guess of your viewers, but i have an idea. all my best. to you and mike - and don't forget, being mixed is such a wonderful thing i compliment, being the so-called german guy, 6"2, blond, blue eyes.

[@andi4022]

I prefer first dates that include some kind of activity, because I think you can learn more about a person while ice-skating, taking a walk, playing billiards or something like this. I hate diner-dates as a first date. Because sometimes it feels awkward... Like a job-interview. For example... When i go ice-skating with a guy, I can tell if he is an active person or a couch-potato. I see if he is a person I can have fun with. See how he reacts, when I touch him. (what's very easy, when you are a bit clumsy😜) And when I feel, I don't have much things to talk with him, it's an easy way to "escape" this situation. Maybe at the end of the day, it's a few hours ice-skating and a goodbye without a second date. Or maybe next time it's a diner-date where we can laugh about my clumsiness on ice.

[@SilverlaneGaming]

Hey Heyley. To the part 'How can you tell if a German guy likes you?' - German women usually DON'T want a guy who drops everything for them, because they consider that boring. They think the man doesn't have anything in his life beside her. That's my experience with dating here and most tell you that, if you ask them.

[@elrabiator5104]

Darum habt ihr auch alle so glückliche Beziehungen, LADY. Das ist doch jüdische Angst in 2023 und völlig daneben. Es geht hier um DATES vor einer Beziehung. und nochmal die Frage:Which goddess pays for her menu!!!

[@ABc-nu6jb]

Stop these generalizing ignorant statements

[@GlenHunt]

I dated an American girl once who expected to not have to pay a single cent for anything, or really do anything herself. Her thinking was that I should even pay for her groceries, and the sole reason to marry a guy is so she would have no responsibilities whatsoever. Crazy thing is that in her small town, that really is a thing. Just...nope x 1,000,000! It sounds like sharing expenses as a married couple in Germany is a LOT more sane than here in the US.

[@JamilLynch]

Women with the mindset you described are alarmingly common in the United States, which is why so many men are abstaining from dating in the US, and are even going overseas to find wives and date.

[@becuteforme]

The funny thing is that we are getting involved with foreigners because they treat us better. American men are whiny and alcoholics.

[@ShesMongolianASMR]

@@JamilLynch LOL do you think foreign women overseas split the bills? 🤣🤣🤣 They expect their men to pay for everything even more so than American women LOL. Men give up on dating American women in hopes of finding submissive women whom they think have no choice but to put up with their BS. But I guarantee you they expect their man to pay LOL

[@GlenHunt]

@@fasi247 Today's battle of the sexes, to borrow and old term, is mostly about the establishment (mostly guys) trying to control everything, even (especially?) the lives of others. Our system is biased toward two things: men and business. I'm with the women on their fighting to have equal consideration and influence, as are most people from Gen X and later. The mouldy oldies are still in power, though.

[@thorstenbrandenburg4338]

@@fasi247why does KZbin show you that? Clickbait, making money? Always show something that upsets you more, making you click on that. That is how ´socialˋ media works. Basically.

[@Celeste13946]

Two things I'd like to add~a German friend let me know that German men don't really approach and make a first move the way American men do. So as a woman, you may need to be more forward. My friend said it is out of respect. Also, dating apps are used in Germany much the same as they are in the USA.

[@klaramathilda9929]

Not from experience but one thing i think someone foreign could be aware of is the power dynamic. If youre dating for a longer time observe your partner while you grow more independent and confident and watch how they react to that bc i think that some ppl might „want“ a foreign person so they can from the start have the better standing (knowing the language and culture)- im referring to white knight syndrome or any similiar tendencies

[@chkoha6462]

Now I finally understand the deep rooted trauma when it comes to hiking! Mr.Sigmund Freund would be alighted to analyze that!;)

[@MichaelBurggraf-gm8vl]

Possibly your hints on being an exotic beauty don't apply on the colour of a persons skin only. It might have to do with being from eg the USA or any other country, or with speaking a different language. Your hint on learning German is really valuable, and I would like to add the following two reasons: a) many people in Germany - in particular younger generation - have learnt English in school. They'll enjoy an opportunity to speak English - particularly in an environment where you're possibly the only person to judge his/her knowledge and experience in speaking English. In a situation when you're learning to know someone for the first time that's ok. However the more times you'll meet one person the more probable it'll get that you'll meet perhaps a friend or a relative or the like of his social bubble. And they'll possibly speak German. Your options of participating in such an encounter will depend on your ability to speak and understand German. The less you understand and speak German the more you'll have to depend on your date to integrate you eg by translating parts of a conversation or to ask a third person to switch to English. b) (a bit related to the previous point) the more you know of speaking and listening to German the more confidence you'll probably have and show during a date. Also with a good knowledge of German you won't have to concentrate of finding useful expressions - whether in English or German - for resonding in a conversation. Hence it'll allow you to focus more on the personality of your dating partner and his/her interests.

[@ABc-nu6jb]

Nah there is def this fetish and stay clear of that stuff and dudes bcuz they weirdos

[@onehandcowboy]

Hayley be carefull with that teasing people, because her in Belgium and also in the Netherlands we say "mensen plagen is om liefde vragen" , that means teasing people is asking for love ;-) . But you are a lovely woman. Lucky Mike (hey, that's a good nickname, isn't it? ;-) )

[@tschaytschay4555]

In Germany we have a similar saying: Was sich liebt, das neckt sich. - What loves each other, that teases each other.

[@folkehoffmann1198]

@@tschaytschay4555 I was just gonna say that! And it can be followed by "was sich neckt, das liebt sich" ("what teases each other, loves each other")

[@kisskiess]

Hello handsome,how are you doing and l was your profile and it’s really nice to me so can we talk to know more about each other better and see where it’s goes ❤❤❤

[@1983simi]

I have to say I had never seen your first dating video before stumbling over a reaction video for it. While I understand it was meant in jest, it did reflect still a bit of a lack of deeper experience with German culture. I really like this new video. It's clear as day that you've had a lot more experience with Germans at this point and all your advice for American women seeking to date Germans guys is very sound and honest. As a German woman I would like to give my views on the points you raised too. - Who pays: Well, I would feel very uncomfortable if a guy paid everything all the time, actually, especially on the first date. He doesn't know me that well but is paying everything... what does he respect in return? what if I'm not ready to reciprocate the way he feels 'he's owed'? Even back as a teen as a rule I would insist on paying my share especially on the first few dates when I don't know the other person well yet. Later once you're actually dating it's nice to be treated sometimes... or to treat the other person in return sometimes... roughly every person should 'invest' the same into the fun one is having together, no? And yes, if someone would ask me to come to a place out of my price range, I would tell them I can't afford it, and just as you said, either you settle for another place or he offers it's his treat. It was a bit bizarre to me tbh when I learned American women expect the guy to pay everything, when they always make such a vocal fuzz about being strong independent women. - What's a date: I'm almost 40 and living abroad now, but I've lived in Germany for 30 years of my life and I've dated in Germany roughly 12 years. What Americans consider standard dates (dinner, lunch, movies) for me personally was among my least favorite types of dates. Going out to eat is great, but I do feel it often ends up either too formal - if it's a fancy place - or too loud to really get to know the other person in peace. For the movies I really would have to know the person enough already I'm ready for some physicality... cause 8 out of 10 movie dates it just kind of ends up like that... at least it used to for me. Not that I don't like those kind of dates, but I find them a bit too predictable and ritualized. I always treasured those small 'non-dates' most, the brief walk between uni classes through the park with a coffee talking, the shared activities/visiting of some event etc. It's where you catch people most candidly I feel and it's much easier to get a grasp of there being a spark or not. At least when I think back to former bfs and the moments I felt 'that's a guy I want to know more and be with' it was rarely during a 'date-date' but more often than not on those little mundane 'non--dates'. - Exotic foreigner: Most of my life I've only seen it from the outside and always found it very cringe. Now I live in a place where some people are obsessed with my skin color - tough luck, guys, already happily married - and I still find it very off-putting. But I really liked your empathetic advice to give such people a little bit of a chance by drawing clear boundaries early. I'm sure not every guy who is star struck by the apparent 'otherness' of a woman is irredeemable, and there will be ways with some to assert to be seen as a person rather than a stereotype... I would never have had the patience for that though XD - Not being taken seriously: I understand all such girls' plight. I got to know my husband during a year abroad in his country. there were no plans to come back there after that year. When I got to know my now husband it was a fear that he'd only see me as a fling. Well, we fell in love anyway. Head over heels. Almost two years of long distance in between. In the end I went back there to marry him. I'd say not all hope is lost, even if you're there a limited time. But just like with the exotic foreigner issue, it's sound advice to drawn boundaries early on. - Does he like me: You're spot on. There's really nothing much to add. If he likes you he'll try to incorporate you in his life as much as possible, but don't expect him to cancel everything else cause you rolled around. If he's a good guy he'll have his own interests and he'll honor his commitments. If he cancels his family trip for you, what makes you think he won't cancel stuff with you once you're not as new and interesting anymore. Also, a guy who drops everything to always be with you is a huge red flag in many ways. Nobody needs that kind of controlling dependency in their life, trust me. - Language: I personally don't think it's absolutely necessary to learn fluently each others languages (whether this makes sense that really depends on your living situation, your talent, your time etc), but it is important to respect each other's linguistic background and at least make an attempt a little bit. Main thing is to have one language - that can be one of your languages or a third language - that both of you are comfortable and fluent enough in to express your full range of emotions and thoughts in. I once had an American bf who spoke kind of broken German as he lived in Germany, but we spoke mostly English as I was already fluent and I felt fine with that. Now today my husband and me have two different mother-tongues (German and his native language) but English in which we are both fluent on a native like level has become our 'love language' so to speak. There are plenty of individual variations. Main point is respect for the other person and their linguistic and cultural background and to have one language - whatever it may be - you can really connect to each other with. If you communicate in a language where one or both people only are able to talk on a 'I'm hungry. I'm cold. I'm sad' kind of level... it really will be tough to clearly get to know each other and you may end up after some months waking up next to a person you can't believe is the same person you met months ago.

[@elrabiator5104]

Du hast nur eine Aufgabe beim Date, als Dame, EHRLICH bleiben. Pflichten ab der Hochzeit. Aber verkompliziert ruhig ALLES!!!

[@1983simi]

@@elrabiator5104 ehrlich sollten beide sein. Idealerweise sollte man sich sowie vor wie nach der Hochzeit auf Augenhöhe begegnen. Da geht es weniger um Pflichten als um gegenseitige Fairness. Hat sich für mich bisher bewährt. 10 Jahre glücklich verheiratet. Körperlich ist man übrigens niemandem verpflichtet, auch nach der Hochzeit nicht. Ehe heißt nicht, dass man die körperliche Autonomität verliert. Der andere kann sich scheiden lassen, wenn es ihm (oder ihr) zu wenig ist, aber ein 'Recht' den anderen in die 'Pflicht' zu nehmen hat man NIE! Leider sehen das manche Männer selbst beim ersten Date nicht ganz so und da man idR körperlich Unterlegen ist, ist es generell besser sich nur von Leuten die man schon etwas kennt und denen man traut einladen zu lassen. Spreche da leider aus Erfahrung. Da ist nichts kompliziert dran. So ist es leider oft.

[@marietta9288]

I have this German guy who lives and works in my country and he's so kind. He even told me that he's gonna pay for my birthday party in a club with everyone we want to invite. I think everyone's are different in all aspects. And yea, he's organized, workaholic, time strict and brutally honest. Just like me😅😅🤗

[@Herr_U]

From hearing that of what expectations your had as an american woman (at the start, before getting used to the western/northern europe style of dating) I have one question - how on earth do you get to know each other on dates? Or is the focus on dates in US not to get to know the inner thoughts of each other, their values, their interests, what their end-goal is, if you can see each other together for the long haul (or if you both are into a "I just don't want to be alone, no matter for how short")? (Here (sweden) the purpose of a date IS the conversation (and shared experience if a hiking or such) - unless there actually is a movie either (or both) genuinely are interested in watching)

[@martinbruhn5274]

I have actually dated a woman once, who was quite insistent on paying for her own coffee, even before I had the opportunity to offer to invite her.

[@TheWuschelMUC]

This might mean "no second date."

[@martinbruhn5274]

@@TheWuschelMUC Well, we did have a second date, she told me right in the beginning of the date, before we had even talked much. It seemed to be quite principled of her, that she insisted on paying for her own stuff.

[@jennyh4025]

@@TheWuschelMUC or just „I don’t want to give the slightest impression (on a first date) that my affection can be bought“.

[@ABc-nu6jb]

You did have the opportunity just too cheap to take it

[@pinkhope84]

Why do you want it to be only 9min ? 15-25min is perfekt 😍

[@griffinhatchling]

My "cuddle buddy" left me 3 months ago. Feeling lonely, but also not ready for something new.

[@jefferyoetter6884]

Great video. I am an American but live in NRW. So greetings

[@kisskiess]

Hello handsome,how are you doing today.l was just going to this website and l came across your profile and l decided to say 👋

[@1983simi]

some Germany themed react channels have picked up your first dating video it seems, so i guess that's why you might be getting new views and comments on those

[@HayleyAlexis]

Interesting! I might have to look them up :P

[@christinmeyer1095]

I'm a german woman who had this discussion with great american women who told men the exact same thing about the dating differences in America and in Germany. To be honest, as a woman I'd totally prefer dating in America. Us womem should have your american standards on dating. 👌 I love your accent by the way. I studied American studies, and you have like the most beautiful accent ever😊

[@HayleyAlexis]

Thank you for that very kind compliment!!

[@christinmeyer1095]

@@HayleyAlexis... And back in time, I totally agreed about the dating situation with my american friend. I told her, hey that's exactly how I wanna get to know a potential partner. And I was like, mee too👌😃 Maybe we should establish more of there standards in our dating world. And I also agree with you that we're none of these women who are expecting guys to pay everything (even though I'm expecting him to pay for the next two dates😉 . But anyways, Guys should give us secure feeling on those dates 👍👌

[@oliveranan4881]

The 'exotic girl' Thing IS sadly real. Wanted to tell a guy about a racist incident I Had while being out with my ex sehr I mentiond her skincolor and his only reaction was "You f+cked a black Girl? Respect!!'

[@ABc-nu6jb]

It’s real and those dudes are complete weirdos and creeps. And they usually never use the word respect in that context

[@Chiresia]

Girl I gotta ask now, is Michael the guy that you ended up lying to about liking hikes, are you stuck in that relationship now? 😂

[@oneworld1160]

Jo, and just don‘t assume that a German will understand your sarcasm and colloquialisms correctly. I was once very put off when a date called me „dude“🤪🤪😎

[@Alias_Anybody]

Duuude

[@hwrunge]

The language is very important in a relationship...all else you say is right..but you forgot the basis... love and trust and wanting to make it together..everyday anew. Lovely greetings and a good evening to you ;-)

[@gerrygrouwe70]

If you ask me we in Europa dont have a word for date how witch german word would you use. In the netherlands i would say afspraak the same word that you use wenn you are going to see like familie or a friend

[@V100-e5q]

In German there is a phrase: "Ich habe eine Verabredung." Which is not 100% the same but the closest I can think of. One could apply that phrase to any appointment but then one would use more likely the terms Termin, Treffen, Besprechung if not using Denglish words. Also to give a clear signal of the meeting's character.

[@petraw9792]

In German it would be 'ausgehen'. In theory you could also ausgehen with some friends when you go clubbing or something. But when you ask someone if they want to go out with you the connotation is usually unambiguous. When you want to go out with friends you'd ask for 'rausgehen'. Only one letter difference, typical German. 😁

[@pseudoballerina]

It would be "Verabredung". But in Germany we usually dont date like in the US. If you like someone, you will try to create situations to spend more time with the person. And only once you are both sure the liking is mutual you will have a Verabredung.

[@lazyperfectionist1]

One question _I've_ been plagued by for a while now is, well, is there a good time of year to _end_ a relationship? I mean, consider it. If you're in a relationship, and one of you decides it's just not working out and wants to end it, how do you decide when to do that? It doesn't seem like good timing to end it on Valentine's Day, or anywhere in the month leading _up_ to Valentine's Day. It doesn't seem like good timing to end it around Christmas or New Year's. It's probably not a good idea to end it around Halloween. So many of the holidays, throughout the year, are celebrated with couple's activities that it makes the calendar seem a virtual _minefield_ if you want to break _up_ with someone without your timing seeming _"absolutely disastrous!"_

[@HayleyAlexis]

I think summer is the perfect time to end a relationship... the person has the sunshine and the ability to go out and be free LOL in winter it is depressing to be alone

[@hellkitty1442]

I as a german never actually thought about the timing of breaking up. So, while valentine's day may seem like the day you shouldn't, ask yourself: Do you really want to spent Valentine's Day with someone you don't like anymore? Do you think, the other person would appreciate it to celebrate it with someone, who's gonna break up a few days later and knew on Valentine's Day, that he/she would break up with that other person? I'd feel even worse if the other person felt obliged to spent some couples day or social time of the year with me, because, what does that make of me? Someone, who's so desperately needy of company, that others feel the need to be with you? I'd even feel like I was forcing the other person to do stuff, he/she doesn't like to do. And I most likely still care for that person, so I'd want that person to feel good and be happy. And there's a saying in German, that you have to let go of things/someone you love - and if they love you as well, they'll return. That is an important aspect of all that: You can't force someone to be with you, to love you. Same as noone should force you to love him/her and be with him/her. Because it can never be forced, it's not true feelings. And if I care for someone, his/her best interest should be what I want. I may differ from other Germans here. But as said, I'd rather know if my partner doesn't want to be with me anymore rather than have him/her waiting until the time is right to tell me of such decision. Also, with New Years: Aren't you supposed to start the New Year fresh? Wouldn't that mean to let go of things that you don't care about anymore? All this may sound depressing, but it's just me speaking (writing) my mind here. I do believe in love and being loved. But to find it, you also have to let go of relationships, that clearly are over. And just maybe, the right person is just around the corner. I often experienced that something new started after breaking up. Something, that felt way better than what I had before. And I know of two former relations of mine, who where able to improve on their lifes afterwards as well, starting new work training in their desired fields or something like that. So, ending a relationship can feel like a release and be the start to something new. And that's not something to put of just because some holiday's coming up.

[@christinmeyer1095]

Just keep speaking English 👌👍 Unfortunately, some people here in Germany have unlearned English alot. I agree with you, that you should try to learn the country's native language. Nevertheless, even if I dated an Italian guy, I expect him to speak English with me in case we were on a date

[@Therawpy]

On one of my first dates we agreed to go to a sauna, we didn`t get together, but she became one of my best friends.

[@misskaedy]

Either I am very unappealing to German men or they are very standoffish/cold people. Never get approached by German guys and I don't see them check me out. Or maybe they don't like me because I am black girl idk....just don't get interest from German men whenever I go to Germany. However, this is a stark contrast from the Netherlands. I feel like I get more interest from Dutch guys.

[@finwine872]

I would not mind hiking and active things cause l lived in Europe, but I do see why I see Italians a bit more warm even compared to Americans when comes to dating. Girl, you need an Italian not Jersey Italian, but an Italian Italian cause American men over here is ready to go on arguments on who pays and who don't.

[@o.b.7217]

About the "paying" thing. I _(a man in Germany)_ have come to believe that women these days actually don't want the men to pay for them. I don't know for sure why that is _(women want to be independent? / they fear there may be some "strings attached" to having their food/drinks paid?),_ but I literally had to beg women to let me pay in the past _(and not always successful)._ Now, I - personally - believe, that it is a man's "responsibility" to pay the bill _(in a "date-scenario" that is, not necessarily in a "friendly night out together" scenario - that's a different thing)._ That's simply how I think, things have to be. And I have to admit, I have a hard time accepting that times may have changed in that regard. So, in contradiction of the "German men don't pay for you" - naturally and gladly I will pay for a woman's food/drinks...if she lets me.

[@pinkhope84]

How old are you? For me Personaly its hard to enjoy, when my dating partner pays for diner especialy on the first date. But lets say we had a few dates and we like each other then i enjoy it if i am invited.

[@petraw9792]

It's the "strings attached". If it's the first date and one person pays for both I'd feel there has to be a second one to have the opportunity to take turns. Or I'm wondering the whole time if the other person has certain expectations. I hope this is a generational thing and younger generations have it easier (I doubt it though) but being socialised as a woman in a patriarchy teaches you that a man who thinks you owe him something can be really unpleasant.

[@o.b.7217]

@@pinkhope84 I am 50. And right now _(after reading your comment)_ I am irritated, because paying for my date's food/drinks was always a thing - in the past. Only recently _(the last few years),_ the women don't want it anymore. And I don't get it. It was always ok. Heck - let's be honest: it was even expected.

[@o.b.7217]

@@petraw9792 Ok, I get that. I know, some of my fellow males can be...expectant, I guess? Maybe even demanding? But you know - even if it's the most cliche thing to say: we aren't all like that. I truly believe, I'm a nice guy, who knows the meaning of the word "no" and who also can accept it, without feeling "I'm losing face". I never expect(ed) anything in return for a meal and a (few) drink(s). Truth be told, I have had a lot of dates where it was clear at the end _(or even in the middle),_ that there would be no second date...but that never kept me from paying _(if the woman allowed it)._ As a man, I had to learn, that not every woman, that I found nice and would have loved to meet again, shares that sentiment. And I have a nice collection of baskets, to prove that. That's sad, of course - but it's the way the world turns. If the price for a meal is...well...the price I have to pay to enjoy a _(hopefully)_ nice and relaxed company throughout the evening, then so be it.

[@lucyyymendoza571]

Hello Mexican-American here … in my culture male friends and guys who want to date you pay that’s not even a question. When I have tried to pay they insist I shouldn’t. Went to Germany and saw that it’s different and women are actually the ones who want to pay. I even saw German women get bothered by people trying to open doors for them or for men trying to help them with their luggage. I have a few female/German friends and about paying they told me they don’t want to owe anything to the man. I was shocked by all this cause I would never think I ow anything cause of a meal nor did my dates or make friends think this.

[@annao1827]

You said so many good points. Like expressing yourself i Geeman is different. I feel retarded. But i learned how to develop my sense of humour. I can see you had a lot to deal with. I hope you meet somebody who can see how wonderful you are.

[@EverythingEsala]

I like what I can see in you..the spirit

[@TJ-hs1qm]

I might be way too idealistic, but why is money such a front row topic? Even this video starts off with a discussion on money.

[@anetterocha5310]

Hi, I have a long distance relationship with a German man, we met us online, he asked me be his girlfriend 3 months ago, he is kind and sweet but, I can not understand why he writes me long emails, when nowadays we have another way to have communication. He had planned visited 3 weeks ago but his mom had a terrible accident. I'm not a girl who ask for attention, I just move on, but I'm learning about Germany culture. Is normal this behaviour? Thanks

[@TartarusBln]

Mal was ganz anderes. Könntest du dir vorstellen mal ein Video über das THW zu machen? Ich denke mit deinen erfahrunge aus Florida in den letzten Monaten könntest du nochmal einen ganz anderen Blick auf das Thema werfen und das THW würde sich bestimmt auch über ein wenig Aufmerksamkeit freuen.

[@kjulie2372]

I've never understood US people just expecting men to pay for everything on a date... then you said "and your friends" and I was floored... What in the entitlement would make anyone think it's okay to expect a guy to just pay for you *and* all of your friends?! I'd be so ashamed and mortified of myself.

[@EveMarkaskous]

Most American men don't mind and offer because some are nice.

[@ashleybanksss]

Italians I’ve dated all paid for my dates. Every single date. It’s extremely attractive

[@ashleybanksss]

Paying for friends and all that is not supposed to be expected though, that entitlement on a different level

[@Gyle.3559]

You looking beautiful

[@christinmeyer1095]

What kind of dating apps or other ways of dating did you try in Germany?

[@christinmeyer1095]

By the way, I have no problems that a potential partner has his own hobbies. But nevertheless, some German guys are just using this point

[@kottbusserdamm3560]

If he lends You his car, he likes You !

[@EngelinZivilBO]

Europäer suchen ein Partner und keine Abhängigkeitsverhältnis We're looking for an equal partnership and not a relationship based on dependence

[@sleepingbeautyoracle]

Don’t date Americans we don’t want that nonsense

[@v.r.2834]

Bla…blaa

[@lazyperfectionist1]

I tend to think it's reasonable for a man to pick up the check if it's a _first_ date, he's the one who _asked,_ and she has been reasonable with what she has ordered. Second dates, I couldn't say, but for first dates, you want her to be willing to consider having a _meal_ with you; not necessarily taking on the _expenses_ of that meal. She didn't ask for those. It's probably also a good idea that you use the hope of creating a good impression as an excuse to prepare, by bathing or showering and putting on clean clothes, beforehand. I mean you should do that _anyway,_ but if you've fallen into bad habits due to COVID and you want to start _fixing_ those, this is a good reason to _do_ that.

[@KalamwaShafic]

My german boyfriend is so cold 😢

[@elrabiator5104]

Beziehung heißt Beziehung, weil man sich auf etwas beziehen kann, was man vom anderen weiß - darum ist reden schon irgendwie wichtig, LEIDER, denn das geht natürlich ganz schnell inne Hose oder tut weh - SHAME (Kommunikation ist das,was ANKOMMT - weniger das was gesagt wird)

[@Jil1807]

Dating in Germany is hard. And even harder when I (female) want to find a woman that isn't straight 😂

[@evangelineabong1741]

Hi watching you from Dubai 😂

[@HayleyAlexis]

Hello 😊

[@javediqbal9817]

Oh boy, that brown trophy stuff 🤣

[@jackvandersluis1723]

Hi Hayley, nice vlog, good info, sometimes 😭 sometimes 🤣

[@allenwhigham3279]

Are you open to dating someone from Georgia?

[@احمداحمد-ن6خ1م]

Is it true that skinny is the beauty standard in germany and that size 36 is considered To be curvy there!?

[@v.r.2834]

Not at all, German women are commonly overweight 😅

[@Minime669]

They prefer thin girls !

[@thailandchannel1]

Nice

[@piccadelly9360]

I would like to hear some of your jokes must be funny. Are you making a video just about this topic? Please please

[@kisskiess]

Hello

[@ypsmannosty]

As German, dating in the US seems to be a Disaster. Let me Explain. - Why u dont Talk about Opinions or View of the World. You dont have conversations on youre Dates in the US? A Date is to get to someone. You really enjoy to remina Silent, or talking about pointless Stuff? - Movie, Diner? Thats a Boring Date, so if someone come up with that, many would think the other is a boring Person. - Why youre Lying over the Hiking, Nobodie want a lier as gf/bf. - Most Germans dont need 3 Dates, after a 3. Date without a clear sign, i would think im stuck in Friendzone. - If youe only a shot time in the Country, many would think you just look for someone to have fun with. - Whats wrong with direct Communication? I mean we all want to know whats going on. But the thing thats disturb me the most. You except the man to Pay for all? You except the Guy drop everything for you? Its a arrogant attitude to thread a Person like this. If you want someone who pays for all (many here want a equal and Independent Partner) and drops every appointment (We all have Hobbys and other Friends) then you should go get a Dog. Sorry i have to say this, But man are not a Money Bag, but it seems you(and many US Womain) think that way. With this attitude you will always get the Shy guy, cause every german man with self-confidence will not Date someone with this behavior. I dont want insult you, buts this are just my thoughts.

[@ABc-nu6jb]

Your lack of grammar and all your spelling mistakes indicate that you generally don’t understand that much. Hence all these questions

[@CARambolagen]

Gee, how many dates were you on?? Didn't you meet your current partner early on?

[@norbertgabler8267]

Golden rule: Don't date !!

[@Masonsky123]

Sorry but mostly watch your videos to hear your voice. 😁

[@evelic]

Glad that you were schooled by the germans on not taking advantage of men.

[@truthseeker4084]

Dating in Germany is not existing. Guys behave if they are the price. I only dated in "mothering" countries, such as the USA or Israel, where the guys are heavily involved in their mums life and where the mums are very nurturing. That makes a guy respecting a woman more. I do not like the modern dating approach in Germany, My husband is Israeli and he always made plans , asked what I like to do, paid for the first dates (Bear in mind that I paid afterwards too but the first dates had to be on him), met his family after only a week, he made sure to include me in his family life early on, when he calls his mum or sister, we call together, he would never exclude me, he had a list of baby names as I did too in his phone because he wants seven children, German guys want maybe one or two, but I LOVE big families and children, it is normal to have more than 4 children in Jewish families, he lives according to his religion, which is very attractive, German guys tend to say that everything religious is crazy or boring, but living a life according to traditions, according to the nature of a woman and a man instead of forcing yourself to todays societies standards, can be very rewarding but hard to find a guy in Germany who lives like this :) I can imagine that German women are not any different than German guys so others probably do not have the problems I had. The strange thing is that even as a German woman myself, my dating luck was better in Israel than anywhere else, although the bad history. Guys there are very intelligent.

[@Nobody.s_business]

Do I see a ring 💍...? 👀

[@Nakaitas]

Simple rule... Who ever picks the restaurant pays. Communicate that and you are golden

[@ibrahimkerakria8465]

Whoever marries a girl from Germany lives his best life

[@littlelady.24]

1 question why does she keepa shaving her hair? I dont mean it in a mean way at all im just so curious

[@OsutaCaroline]

Why do you keep yours on? I don't mean it in a mean way im just so curious

[@ShesMongolianASMR]

You went hiking with a dude on the first date??? I would be too afraid of getting murdered 💀

[@HayleyAlexis]

LMAO I sometimes live life a little recklessly... I am alive.... soooooo LOL

[@pinkhope84]

😂😂😂

[@suttonadmiral891]

With mouth closed :"))))))))))

[@jaynelindemann6450]

Ich kann nicht verstehen, was Sie sagen. Bla Bla Bla😂

[@romanbecker6711]

No offensive talking but Always seeing u with Ur short Hair Urr looka always remind me of a monchichi....

[@herbertjung9230]

Sorry, but also in Germany it is rude an uneducated to invite a girl and you, as a guy, don´t pay the bill entirely youself.

[@SchmulKrieger]

Because inviting means that you pay the whole and not just yours. 🤔

[@ayalaeichenkind9018]

Ich glaube, das war in Ihrer Generation noch anders. Heutzutage machen wir das nicht mehr so.

[@lordeisschrank]

the intro promised dirty details... ... I left disappointed

[@elrabiator5104]

wenn der Kerl nicht zahlt, hat er Dich nicht verdient PUNKT nachher musst DU noch fragen; WO soll DAS enden!!!

[@elrabiator5104]

über Geld spricht nicht - das hat man;

[@ayalaeichenkind9018]

Wir lassen uns nicht kaufen.