Healing vs. Retaliation: Surviving Trauma and Sexual Abuse | Peter and Adenike Harris | TEDxPasadena

[@miarideout5401]

What I get tired of people telling us is to move on. Forget about it when they have no idea how hard it is and that people heal differently

[@myyoutubeaccount12111]

You may not want to hear it but, take it from me, facing it and moving on is the best. Better than years of rehashing it in therapy. God can help you.

[@Addease]

I’m glad they will never have to understand and am so thankful for the ones that do understand

[@miarideout5401]

@@myyoutubeaccount12111 I’m actually doing a whole lot better now that time has passed

[@myyoutubeaccount12111]

@@miarideout5401 sooooo happy to hear that. ❤️❤️

[@RachelSilva_RachSilv]

I’m so glad you’re doing a lot better. No one understands YOUR healing process. YOUR individual experience. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. It’s tricky- you’re strong.

[@zoyamirza8978]

"My daughter asked me to be my daddy not my avenger" that spoke volumes

[@kristinmeyer489]

I would want someone to be my avenger to prove they valued my life. I might not want a close relationship to be sacrificed this way, but the lazy complacent authorities could prove they give a damn about the reason they exist in the first place.

[@deysilocacrazylocadia4989]

Not 😢all people have this father!

[@zoyamirza8978]

@@kristinmeyer489 I'm not saying that they shouldn't do anything to get u justice but the reality is that in our world especially focus a lot on the culprit in a way that it overshadows the victims mental health.

[@utilisateur2508]

yeah i cried straight away because i wanted my dad to be my avenger and he told me to not speak out because those people were 'powerful' in the country

[@zoyamirza8978]

@@utilisateur2508 I'm really sorry you had to go through all this.... it's really heartbroken and i can understand how it feels

[@IrinaTrustsGod]

It's so unique to hear a father's perspective. It's really brave to assist a daughter's healing.

[@IrinaTrustsGod]

@@Truthseeker7771000 It is natural of a true father and still very honorable. Amazing, actually.

[@IrinaTrustsGod]

@@Truthseeker7771000 I didn't disagree.

[@marcleon1513]

As a man, I give this man credit for standing down and listening to his daughter. I often wonder if I would be able to do the same thing if something ever happened to my goddaughter.

[@MeruJoy]

You have to

[@4LLT0G3TH3R]

​@@MeruJoy yes

[@HeatherFisher-p3s]

My father couldn’t hear any healing . He believed full silence and just put up with it

[@YanilDonate]

Hearing “you’ve reclaimed your life now live your life” immediately put tears in my eyes it’s something I didn’t know I needed to hear

[@salonij.upmagupta3291]

'You are not defined by the worst you have experienced'.

[@Rachel-qf3kv]

"Healing cannot be rushed" 🌱 Extremely powerful. Btw love, those men lost out on a beautiful, intelligent young woman.

[@xosommi]

I’m happy you had support through this! My family doesn’t care...

[@frenchla1000]

Sommi T do you have someone to talk to ? Therapist?

[@melissaoconnell5648]

I'm sorry you're not feeling supported Sommi T. and hope you're seeking support. I, too am grateful for Pops'Ade's example for what is possible. It's a challenge to reach out for help when those who're closest to you become more of a barrier to healing. It may not be easy, yet it can get better with the right support and redeveloping trust with yourself. 🙏💕

[@Letters2indigo]

I am Here for you

[@mayadowe6000]

I care and I love you 💕 my you truthfully heal.

[@ProdJamesCultz]

Same here we can support each other if you like most times it seems like that but if you keep it a secret no one will know it’s not that they don’t care and if so it still made us better people

[@gillianedwards8773]

"My father reset the standard of masculine connection and communication in my life" Wow powerful!!

[@JolynJessica]

The light of these two shines through my screen right into my heart. What a great father and what a strong beautiful woman. I wish her love and healing.

[@georgebabaeng8060]

This is a story that needs to be told in our community so that our women and men can begin the healing that is necessary for our community to thrive in unity; men and women living in community together without the conflicts and contradictions that come from trauma that has been silenced by fear and stigma. Although vengeance wasn't enacted here I would have like to see some restorative justrice intervention that would held the abuser to account.

[@fairy_creations3804]

I’m sobbing. Thank you! I haven’t told my father yet and I’m terrified. I don’t want him to blame himself. He’s an amazing person. I love him so f*cking much. I don’t know how I’m going to tell him but I will. 💕

[@JadetheGoober]

They will always react that way because they love us. He will do what you tell him will work best to heal you. I love you, fam. God bless you.

[@tanushukla8833]

Yes Girl.

[@JustKellyVaughn-CreatedbyGod]

You CAN do this and you are strong. You are a survivor, not a victim anymore, just decide and you got support!!!

[@aditipandey4558]

Have u told ?? No offense if u don't want to share.

[@snowcountry322]

👍🏻

[@rechaelandrea]

Thank you Sister! And your Dad! I'm finally going through the process of convicting my Stepfather and my own Dad is my biggest supporter.

[@lilianaruiz549]

Ilana Mumia how did the conviction go? Is it a long process I to am thinking of pressing charges on my abuser. But I really dread the process..

[@aliciapettis1519]

Awww This is so sad

[@jadiiebabieeful]

I could only imagine having a father like this

[@JadetheGoober]

These comments are so supportive and loving. Tbh im starting to believe predators seek out good hearted people on purpose.

[@BL-sd2qw]

You don't need to keep going, you need for the world to stop with you. Telling a victim/survivor to "move on" is just a "nice" version of "don't bother me with your problems", which only shows complete and utter lack of care for the other person's internal experience and wellbeing.

[@zoyamirza8978]

when she said " my experience is not unusual " 💔💔💔💔

[@pennyc11]

Thank you dad. My father is gone now. He helped me try to prosecute my mothers boyfriend. Law enforcement made up for another officer's lack of training. I'm okay. Days are hard but I lived my life without the shadow of his ugliness. Every good day. Free day from oppression is a victory. I had a happiness those criminals will never know again.

[@litestreamer]

What a beautiful relationship between this daughter and father, and a great story of redemption, love and healing. They both have an amazing presence.

[@sarahmasters4759]

Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you, Daddy, for listening to your daughter. I told my daughter , after being violated, you were victimized but you are NOT a victim today. Your message was powerful!

[@aliciapettis1519]

I give her credit for speaking her truth and not being ashamed for it

[@latoyawolfe2572]

Finding the right people to journey with me is the most painful traumatic and exhausting experience that it makes healing harder to gain

[@Cloudwatchergirly]

Super proud of her dad! Let the cops do their job, even though it’s hard. He’s a great dad!

[@principalitycidade4323]

They hardly do nada

[@sarahsmith3302]

How he looks at her while they recall the memory..felt the love between them! Beautiful 💕

[@WeirdoSchool]

Had to pause halfway and cry a bit. Definitely stirred up lots of emotions and repressed stuff. Really inspiring message. Definitely looking at things better.

[@jdub0107]

You both are amazing role models full of courage. Thank you for sharing your story

[@lisafletcher8676]

Thanks for sharing even hearing a father standing with his daughter throught this difficult times says to us who have been abused that all men are not beast but there is still good fathers

[@allcitizenschurch1]

This young lady is amazing. Peter's perspective and choice to stand down is amazing.

[@annakachur8352]

I'm crying as I watch this and feel a sense of releif from not being alone. It is so important to choose with whom to share right. You absolutely right.

[@umapuma]

so beautiful to see this two. my father was always the kindest and most supportive person in my life, you just remembered me that

[@tamekaannnewton7761]

Powerful!! I am so proud of Adenike!!! Honored to call you sister-friend!!

[@snoop9581]

This was so beautiful. As a father myself watching him grow along with you during your time of crisis and being not only your dad but a friend also is amazing. I love this. I pray for continued guidance, healing and strength for the both of you.

[@milliewoo337]

They are both such a beautiful depiction of kindness, healing and bravery. They turned this into such an empowering story of what the human experience can be

[@Soulfolder]

So powerful. The energy they are radiating is incredible. So much honesty, vulnerability and connection. Thank you, it’s healing me.

[@theresawatson9075]

Way to go girl! I'm a survivor too! I chose to be well also, without help from family.

[@tuneshaedmondson4137]

What a profound story thank you for finding the courage to speak out on your pain an anguish we all go through things in life but we never know that the same thing God will lead us to build us up😊❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@lovelyjbowden]

I love you both 💗 I prayed for a parent like him to protect me. Thank u for listening to her. I will continue to pray for the right person to come into my life that will hear my heart and not just my story.

[@reneegonzales8376]

This was exactly what I needed to hear. I know my bio father, who I have nothing to do with, will not be my rider and live buddy. However, I have a beautiful friend who is by my side! I’m saddened that I had no family member who thought I was worthy enough to get angry, saddened over, or want to hurt my predator. I wouldn’t want them to act on it but to atleast feel angry or hurt for me, instead of silence. I know Jesus Christ loves me and was/is saddened for me. I am now starting to heal

[@jennajoseph893]

Sending you love my dear Sibling in Christ!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖

[@victoriacarter7426]

😭😭😭😭😭 So moving and powerful. I wish I had someone like this in my life, when I was experiencing and healing from my SA trauma.

[@lauramena5662]

This is the most genuine bond I've ever seen!

[@manovnanarcisse7266]

This is the most beautiful TedTalk that I've ever seen

[@drpatgay]

Choosing to be well. Thank you both.

[@jameswaters3599]

Wow! So empowering! Thank you for helping me live through this... so I might help my child heal as this father did.

[@sparksyeah9422]

This was so touching and empowering. It made me realise I’ve never allowed myself to share the details of what happened to me in fear of another feeling my experience, adding to my shame. At 53 I choose to be well and I will finally begin the healing my soul is yearning for.

[@JoseHernandez-oz5qe]

For all men out there’s. You are not alone. I survived and you will too. Stay strong

[@preciousone9377]

I’m so happy they found their path to healing and recommitting to the father/daughter bond. Thank you sharing such a difficult piece of your life, it’s inspiring and encouraging for those dealing with same or similar issues. God bless the rest of your journey collectively and individually.

[@pia_om]

So glad for you Ade

[@vkali9245]

That was abSOlutely masterful. Your choosing TO BE well, is the reflection of GAWD WORKING THROUGH ALL HUMANS. Thank youse for witnessing and testifying on the POWER OF POSSIBILITY~

[@SaraHartHolistic]

This was so powerful and healing... thank you for sharing 💗 To see such a genuine and authentic relationship between a daughter and father is something new for me. So grateful to know it’s possible 💞

[@manishamusic]

Thank you for sharing - together - the story of your journey together. It's also rare to get a glimpse of the perspective of someone whose friend or loved one has experienced such a violation. It's wonderful to be reminded that the journey of healing for each person is unique. A powerful telling of your opening, your imagining, your choosing, your moving through, your reclamation.

[@saidatoke3124]

Adenike, I wish you so much love and joy for the rest of your life. Your dad is amazing. I still miss my dad who died twelve years ago.

[@caughtmeontheflip]

u are not defined by the worst that you’ve experienced

[@yarngalatownsend5789]

Beautiful does not describe this💕💕💕💕 You will never know the courage listening to this gave me...

[@dodiemuassa8895]

I want to give you a warm hug. I was silent about mine and it came from church. God bless you, beautiful woman. I love you🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿💜💜💜💜

[@InpuTTang]

poignant and powerful telling of the journey!!! thank you!!! especially for your use of art as tool for healing

[@lucyjordan3124]

My heart is with you Adenike - and Pops in your support of your daughter. Thank you wholeheartedly for your honesty and wisdom.

[@UnfriendMeBro]

still healing … my anger has gotten worse .. on Dec 20 .. it will officially be 1 year since it happened… I’m trying .. it’s hard . But I’ll keep trying and trying till I reach for the light at the end

[@branan6935]

It's now 2 years. I hope you are still keeping strong. ❤❤❤

[@julianariley3395]

This is an amazing story❤️ my family tells me not to talk about it because people won't understand and they will just look down upon me.... Those I have chosen to lean on have been amazing

[@TheeFitFlightAttendantDee]

Simply amazing and eloquent!! Thank you both so much pops n Ade.

[@skyylea9859]

It’s a blessing you had/have support . My uncle got away with so you’re lucky ! I’m happy for you

[@jacquidanke1263]

YOU ARE AN ISPIRATION TO ME. GOD BLESS YOU BOTH IN YOUR JOURNEY FORWARD!

[@torianajones6349]

I love this and I love you both! I have watched this three times and each time I've heard something that I hadn't heard before. The reminder of having a choice always sticks out. I love you Ade.

[@Hafizasaim]

I m in tears listening their talk

[@alexandersstudio3145]

Gf went through stuff like this, so I'm about to watch all of the videos so I can try to help her with it

[@lauramapani3627]

Thats amazing!

[@supernaturalvictorieswithsunny]

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 I’m healing, my family and the world knows 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 Healing can’t be rushed.

[@meganbowman4747]

Heartwrenching, lovely and inspirational all at once. Delivered by two honorable and courageous individuals.

[@melissaoconnell5648]

Thank you for living an example I hope more can benefit from witnessing and following. Moving and beautiful - filled with serious surrender, call and response to action, engaging full attention to connective communication........let alone all the attention taken for self-care - with individual and mutually unifying work focusing on the deepest, most honest, integrity, love and hope. All that journeying in one lifetime. Beyond inspiring.

[@jewel6787]

I’m so glad you have been on the road to healing and that your father has been by your side. When I told my father what my stepfather had done, he “acted” angry. I know it was an act because he later did the same thing.

[@blazemusing5491]

Sorry you were betrayed and hurt in that we. Please seek support on your road to healing.

[@samarnold1839]

I have so much respect for the two of you rn. For her to stand there, being so brave and so confident. What a STRONG woman. And her father. I can relate, so hard. He gave words to my feelings, and direction for my mind. Plus, I l9ve his taste in music

[@thatmombielife]

This is family. This is beautiful.

[@1Lightdancer]

Such a powerful, important healing story! Thank you ❤

[@thebridgewithraneejones8578]

This talk was beautiful, powerful, and empowering for me. Thank you so much for sharing.

[@JessicaORENDER]

I filed a police report and the police department said they were too busy with other cases and since I was no longer living with my abuser they dropped the case.

[@tvm-growthisunlimited9023]

Empathy for your experience. Awesome unity of you both and effective presentation!

[@veronicabryant2646]

Extremely emotionally and wise people, thank you both for your talk.

[@palapalak.8907]

Thank you for sharing. Very uplifting and encouraging. Kept the focus on you. Amazing.

[@22221mm]

Her strength is admirable.

[@dodiemuassa8895]

SQUEAZING VICTORY OUT OF A NEGATIVE SITUATION!!!!!!! Yes GOD!!!! I need to forgive

[@cpbeauvoir]

Thank you both for sharing your story. How powerful it is to have your father stand beside you ❤

[@adjoachilds6074]

Tears. Appreciation.

[@janellelopez6784]

thank you both for sharing your story. never cried so much during a Tedx Talks. I needed this. thank you.

[@keyfield8967]

WOW!! Bravo!! I watched from beginning to end then repeated. Very 'productive' for me. Thank you!!

[@matthewirvin6505]

That man is strong and so is she. She ia beautiful

[@samanthaalexander3057]

what a woman and what a man too. Proud of the both of you!

[@cinnabun715]

This was amazing! I love pops ❤everyone needs someone like him in their days ❤

[@charleenhelm5047]

Your lucky to have a dad who cares, my dad says ignore him and move on, move forward 😢

[@Diana-ux1du]

Omg im crying ! You both are really amazing 😭💕 thanks for sharing 🙏🏻

[@pluckybellhop66]

It's a good thing they have this but I feel jealous of their relationship and it hurts. My dad didn't take it well and was more angry at me than the guy who drugged me, especially when his girlfriend suggested that I had an agenda and he started bringing his preferential treatment for his gf into my healing process. Everyone keeps telling me to forgive forgive forgive but I feel like I'm being stolen from again when people take my anger away too. It'll fade with time but I'm scared to go through this whole healing process for the 3rd time.

[@pluckybellhop66]

I'm in this weird stage where I only trust people who are angry with me and feed my anger and I'm not ok with it, this isnt who I am.

[@greenpea889]

I’m crying, so beautiful

[@marenvanwinkle7851]

I realize this is 5 years old but THANK YOU for posting this❤

[@lolmac6456]

You two are such beautiful people, thank you so much for your words, your experience and your courage. You've helped me beyond measure. You are an amazing, inspirational woman, and have the most wonderful father 🙏❤️

[@cindynguyen8982]

so powerful. thank you

[@pattispassion]

Magnificent and Powerful. Thanks to you both.

[@moonlitxrogue]

This healed me some, my father did not support me in truth blamed me…I hope to reclaim my life even if it’s on my own. ❤ This was beautiful to see

[@STARSENMT]

Yeah, you know, you never know the demons other people have. Like my dad, he didn’t do anything but then I learned he does the same thing.

[@vigneshiyer4334]

This is very hard. She chose to get it clarified about the actual fatherhood.. love them both... it is boldness... Other than this, She is beautiful, well dressed..

[@doyouknowpeter1954]

proof that the most important part of communication is listening

[@PriceOfSalmonIsOutOfControl]

This is so beautiful and lifted me up today god bless both of them - quiet a few amazing things I gained from this video

[@blossoming_out]

This is very strong and fascinating... Thanks for that story 🙏

[@Amanuensis8]

Still mining the Genetic Dancers legacy, Peter Harris is a treasure. GWC Museum at Tuskegee is indeed inspiring. Carver, like P&A, survived and triumphed.

[@danaguyer8863]

This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing!