Why Your Parents Will Never Be Happy

[@andyphan4168]

Whenever I ask my dad if he's happy, he says "No son. I'm not happy, I'm dad."

[@jacob_massengale]

"dad I'm hungry" "hi hungry, I'm dad"

[@laffeybunn8557]

Dad came to get milk and make dad jokes and he has to go away for 15 years to get more milk

[@vishaliapillay9134]

😂😂😂

[@farahi3976]

LOOOOLL 😂😂😂

[@dedbeeep]

@@andyphan4168 bro this one has a double meaning

[@roducliaharenvol8302]

"I'm not gonna fix my life, my child will" ahh mindset

[@jankxyard]

The problem with me not wanting to do chores was that my mom always used it as a punishment, not as a thing kids should normally learn to do. It was usually "WHAT!? YOU GOT C!? DISHESH NOW!" It got to the point when mom started slapping me across face for not knowing how to cut onions straight when I was 12, because she made me cut them as a punishment and I never did it before.

[@Francesca-yu5cy]

Ok but did you learn the lesson? Did you manage to learn and earn to hire someone who do chores for you? Or you no neither?

[@bb-3653]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂"WHAT , YOU GOT CEE!!, DESHESH NOW!!" 😂😂😂 I can tell you typed that in a brash manner😂😂😂. But that sucks bro honestly. Esspecially the slapping part . Like your only a kid. Ive somewhat been through that too.

[@jankxyard]

​@@Francesca-yu5cy what lesson? I do my own chores as an adult. Sometimes it sucks because I am tired, but I like my house clean. All I was trying to say was that chores shouldn't be introduced to kids as a punishment, because they learn it's a punishment, then they don't wanna do them regularly and they do them poorly as a result because they don't "practice" them often enough. I would take a childhood when I had to do 1000x more chores regularly compared to once in a month as a punishment because of many reason, but mainly because of the fuckery that could be prevented to my young mind. It is incredibly frustrating when somebody ridicules you for something you should've known years ago, they refuse to teach you how to do it and they give it to you as a punishment. Then parents who do this make surprised pikachu face that their child doesn't wanna help with chores...

[@PurpleStuff11]

​@@jankxyardyoure absolutely right. Its clear you put a lot more thought into this than he did. Id save yourself the frustration and try to match their effort when they oppose with something shallow.

[@Francesca-yu5cy]

@ true

[@VPI_desu]

When I start to do something that benefits me, my mom tells me to stop and claims that I don't know anything. But then later she complain that I don't do anything. Now, I have to hide everything away from her.

[@suspecm6316]

@@VPI_desu my mother's favorite past time activity is telling me I will regret doing the thing I'm doing later in life, but she says this for literally everything. What life is there to live if I'm living in constant fear of regret?

[@THI_EXTERNAL]

same, it's like the saying the gold can only shine when it gets heated but how long will it remain stable if all it gets is heated . . . . does that make sense?

[@Fyrebirdi]

I'll be honest and say I've tried being compassionate and understanding... yeah, mom's issues are way out of my pay grade. I stepped away from that relationship and am way happier for it. Sometimes there are problems we can't fix cos its not ours to fix.

[@gokiburi-chan4255]

Same boat here. I just hope I don't fck it up too much for my own kids 😂

[@GunLobster]

This video's more of a general guide, but not a one size fits all one. But you're right, you're absolutely darn right. Sometimes it's just beyond your responsibilities to fix someone broken beyond repair and it's better to leave.

[@francestaylor9156]

100%.

[@bonnieschen]

Out of my pay grade 😂😂

[@gladysg7773]

“It takes two people to make a dynamic” - ooof, that was a curveball I didn’t expect, I gotta let that one sink in… certainly difficult to absorb when you feel like the victim of your parent. But maybe acknowledging that is the way to create some kind of agency and control over the dynamic

[@ubertrashcat]

Yeah but sometimes the reason that "you wouldn't do anything if I told you" isn't true. In my case it was definitely doing something but it wasn't what my mom wanted me to do. Parents need to help you explore what you're good at. If you're being punished for writing fanfiction (example) instead of learning piano (example) it's no wonder that you'd rather do nothing. A good parent would show interest in the fanfiction, ask questions and figure out how to help evolve it. And this maps later on to the choice of higher education. You'd rather play videogames because you don't care at all about studying economics, but that's what mom wanted you to do.

[@B-LEVE]

Be careful though, I suppose Dr K meant this in the way he said it with "getting a degree" etc. we are not talking about 5y/o (I hope)

[@shovel1934]

How does Dr. K afford the spy he hired to peek into my life?

[@coachmindy]

lol

[@Kris_P108]

He needs no spies, he used yogic superpowers)

[@Taythetitan]

@@Kris_P108😂

[@matheusrocha5596]

youtube memberships!

[@Armstrong1781]

yo me too 😂

[@zar0_69]

THE TALK IN THE BEGINNING! I dont regret going to university, but I've had no drive for anything since covid started, I was always pushed to go into further education, so now I am doing it and I see from an outside perspective how it is beneficial and agree, but dont feel like I want to actually do anything (in a professional or life-goals manner). Eye opening as always! Edit: The fixing their failures is exactly my situation, mom couldnt go to college even though she wanted to, so she pushed me and only me, not my brother in any way, towards constant study and now Im in uni. I am doing alright, but was never into it like I think someone should be if they want to go to uni/college.

[@Delmworks]

Anyone else frustrated that we all seem to be rolling balls of trauma?

[@talesin7070]

We don't have to be now that we know. We have the ability to choose.

[@HealthyGamerGG]

Maybe the real healthygamers are the other rolling balls of trauma we found along the way

[@gladysg7773]

Yeah sometimes it gets concerning when it feels like almost every problem on this channel is relatable to you 😅

[@Delmworks]

@@HealthyGamerGG oh it goes way outside the community. It feels like it’s human beings as a species.

[@jacob_massengale]

Maybe its sumskar, which is the basic unit of ahumkar (ego). Maybe sumskar is the primal way of adapting to our environment.

[@Westlander857]

I’m finally happy and settled in my career, doing really at work, and yet my parents are unhappy with me because the job is far from home. This couldn’t have been more timely.

[@waterfairy2011]

I had been silently complaining in my head for years, about how my parents mistreated me, how they ignored my emotional needs and destroyed my self esteem. And about my anxiety, insecurities, appearance, etc. Then one day I watched a video from Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche of his experience with panic disorder in childhood. He said after months of meditation practice, panic became his teacher and friend. This gave me an insight into how to change the narratives of my life. No one was born perfect, nor was anyone raised in a perfect family. I can accept this fact, then instead of hoping I had zero adversities in life, I can practice overcoming these experiences.

[@francestaylor9156]

Excellent perspective on life! You can only control yourself and how you look at life.

[@dragonstooth4223]

Parents suck. Especially when there is a level of narcassism going on too. I have to tell my mum, who is very good at playing victim, that i don't want gifts from her anymore because i find her attempts to fix me via gifts upsetting and on some level offensive. I'm terrified of doing this.

[@sharp7171]

Some parents suck

[@thisisntallowed9560]

Gift her a book on how to be a good parent

[@nektulosnewbie]

​@@sharp7171 it helps when they acknowledge when they have to be a parent or when they admit struggling with it because you always are learning how to be a parent. It's a role that people have to take on, not something that is in the essence of their being.

[@zuhairreza]

Yeah, it’s like, you’re a machine or a toy, right? Give gifts, a.k.a press a button they want, and you will be fixed and dandy, ready to serve their needs again… 😅🤪

[@papakael8247]

Prepare for them to be resentful. You're taking a tool of control away. She'll probably flip it and say you're ungrateful. Hopefully, I am wrong and it goes well. Big ups on setting a healthy. boundary.

[@Kkubey]

Regretting parenthood seems to be a big reason why some parents are worse than others. They felt they had to become parents but they hate every second of it and wanted to do other things in life. Then the kid they feel was an unbearable sacrifice demands things that seem to hurt them even more. They look for someone to blame, but it was the way they shaped for themself.

[@vegeta8169]

As a father of 2 teenage daughters. Please leave toxic parents. It's easy to be a nice parent.

[@strangerice4467]

As a person with Asian parents this is very much similar to how my parents use to be. Luckily I've been able to tell my parents to have patients an trust it will happen without them needing to push, well my Mom still pushes every now and then, and expect results.

[@Mirak-el]

Bro, this is literally what me and my friend have been tackling lately, parents.

[@HealthyGamerGG]

Important note, HG does not recommend tackling your parents as a method of conflict resolution

[@kylebretherton1929]

​@@HealthyGamerGG I don't know who writes these replies, but whoever they are they're hilarious!

[@spencerricketts8025]

​@@HealthyGamerGGWell hey now, just because something isn't recommended doesn't mean that it isn't worth a shot!

[@emy8555]

@@HealthyGamerGG 😂😂

[@thehealthionaire]

You’re the reason I started posting on my channel documenting myself giving up all of my bad habits. Thank you!!

[@dhiranya68]

Kudos brother 🎉

[@G.r.e.g.g.l.e.s]

They're not just a DPS with tons of health. They an UNDEAD DPS with tons of health. Don't tank them or fight them. That makes them stronger. Heal them. Become a healer. That hurts the undead.

[@MassFyoAl]

​@@G.r.e.g.g.l.e.s "Healing is more rewarding than hurting!"- Medic TF2 from a parallel universe.

[@zfejer8216]

Honestly, I don't resonate with the solutions showed by Dr. K. Maybe it sounds avoidant, but its impressive how parents seems don't understand words. Its frustating see how they doesn't want to hear you, or how they cannot hear you. Seems to be the best solution step away I seize the life that they cannot interfere (I'm 23).

[@SallyAlmito]

Exactly. I am not showing compassion to them, because then they’ll think they’re right. I won’t be honest with them bc then they’ll use that info against me. Just abandon them and let them fighte stuff out on their own.

[@aimee9478]

I don't think it's avoidant of you. These solutions are more like, if you deem it plausible, try it. They can help certain families fr. But they don't fit any family or any situation, and sometimes just going no contact is the best way.

[@shishirdewdrops224]

The timing ! Went to mental screening and talked about being hit by mom from getting math problems wrong. I struggle with relationships now but with the little I have. I cried saying that I only felt valued from my friends

[@SawChaser]

I am 30, working full-time and married and my father is still doing this to me. One day he called me lazy on the phone. Keep in mind we haven't seen each other in months. I live 2 hours away and he has never visited us. Yet he calls me lazy on the phone. He doesn't even know what i am doing.

[@aimee9478]

Sounds like he's projecting lol, or just randomly using the insult that's the most 'sinful' in his book regardless of how relevant it is. I definitely met a lot of older adults like this. Love your pfp btw xD

[@vthib]

I'm a white lesbian woman from the south so not quite the demographic this video is targeted at, but I'm looking forward to trying out a compassion+boundaries based approach for my difficult conversations with my parents. They will never be happy, but that's certainly not my problem and I love myself too much to let them affect my own happiness.

[@kangarumpy]

The issue with mother was that she'd storm off on her own for hours and she'd just rile herself up over that time and come back even more pissed, often about older things in the past.

[@JeremiLorenti]

I don't think my parents will be happy because they're dead. So, that sucks.

[@jankxyard]

That makes the title true.

[@Altura0]

I had the same thought 😂

[@Frissdas1207]

Your parents are happy, I'm nearly certain of it.

[@codigitty9195]

I don't think you are the target audience for this video lol

[@globe00]

that must be hard, I hope you'll have in your life other people that make you feel loved

[@comicbookprodigy995]

Being the youngest of 4 by a decade, I tried to steer clear of my siblings poor choices and stay on the straight & narrow cause I will always remember those car rides home in the backseat as my parents complained about them all. In turn, I feel like my parents are disappointed that I'm not doing what they assume is natural progressions in life, but they keep quiet cause they know exactly why I keep them in the dark on my personal life. The few times I said things like, "Lay a woman out in front of me and I'll get her pregnant as long as you take care of it", it cleared the air and they eventually stopped inquiring. It's a win-lose-lose-win situation.

[@nostrace]

This is the evilest, most sarcastic form of compassion I've ever heard, and I love it.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

Oh boy, that sums it up. I have even said to my therapist that I was expected to go from virgin to married, but I was massively shamed for trying to make that happen, and I would meet a man who wouldn't have long term intentions but he wouldn't tell me that, so there was a lot to figure out. I didn't figure it out. I'm so far from promiscuous but I ended up a single parent. I have adhd and I was too trusting, partly cos I was raised to believe I had no right to ever question or doubt my caregivers. I am 54 now and have given up on meeting somebody. But I look back and I can understand why it didn't happen. My kids dad was like my mum. It was her way or the silent treatment. I had to obey her. I couldn't risk anything as my thoughts could set her off.

[@JJMomoida]

Some of this definitely resonates with me. I don't think I was very driven throughout most of my early life, and so my mom kept pushing me and pushing me. I was a C student growing up... This only started to change in college. Still failed a class or two, but kept moving forward, and well... now I'm a doctor in my last year of residency. I do feel like at some point I did take the reins, owned the momentum of my own success and drove myself forward. What I have come to find out, though, is that I don't really feel much sense of joy in either of my parents saying that they're proud of me, and they've said that a bunch in the past few years...

[@whoever79]

I think you would just know they’re proud and they only say it very infrequently. It’s something that’s shown and felt and not said

[@second0banana]

@@JJMomoida I feel like when we take control over our own lives what our parents think just matters a lot less. It's pleasant when my parents are proud of me, but I don't feel any particular sense of joy. It's more important that I feel proud of me.

[@myliege8197]

Isn't this more like, "why parents fail to allow their children to be happy"?

[@MassFyoAl]

Happiness is there .. somewhere, but it should be about letting children become responsible and self sustaining . As a parent - you gotta be more understanding and rational towards children at minimum, because you have the experience they lack. towards children

[@SallyAlmito]

I’m so tired of their antics. They refuse to see that they’re the problem. They know they are miserable but think that i am the reason. That’s why they are obsessed with “fixing” me even though they are the ones who need to be fixed! I am planning on going no-contact as soon as i gain financial independence.

[@LordZoth6292]

Damn, I'm always so appreciative of the parents I got. I don't have any childhood trauma the way so many tell me their parents treated them. Wish yall the best

[@IvanskiYakinovski]

the opening statement is why i get so depressed in the winter holiday season. You spend all summer working and are told you're lazy if you take a rest but when the rest of the family is around you don't have your life together because you're alone.

[@DillyTheWillyWilliams]

yeah, i spent my 20's literally just trying to appease my mother. This lasted until about the time i was 29 and she got brain cancer. Even as i was put in charge of taking care of her i never once felt like i accomplished making her happy even at the end. Her literaly last words were he begging for her abusive mother in her sleep while she died. its left a hole in me i have no idea how to fix. but hey hows your tuesday going guys?

[@matheussanthiago9685]

free churro huh?

[@Dietconsulting]

Patrick Tehan's KZbin might help you

[@francestaylor9156]

You could never make her happy because she was never happy herself. She cried out for her own demons at the end. You did good though. You tried and that’s all you could really do. You can’t control the outcome. You can only control what you can do. Focus on healing you now. You’ll have to let go of getting that validation from your mom just as she needed to let it go so that she could see you.

[@pouja]

In my situation leaving them was the only choice. I tried to be compassioned with them, it worked sometimes when i had the energy and then I noticed did not want to have a relationship anymore with my parents. The hardest, most difficult and best decision of my life.

[@GuillermoSmyser]

I am so lucky and beyond grateful. My parents are still together and have allowed me and my son to still live with them after my divorce. I have epilepsy so I need a certain amount of help and they've helped all that and more. I have 50/50 custody of my son so he's here every other week and I can tell what a blessing it's been for him to have someone else in the house besides just him and me. I do have to set boundaries and and put in effort to the relationships but of course we do.

[@lynncasey4372]

Yeah... this isn't for me. I didn't have parents. I have no sympathy for you.

[@HealthyGamerGG]

We love a good support system success story, when they're out there! Thanks for checking out the video anyway. 💚

[@ItsKroov]

My mom is everything you described and more. I told her a few weeks ago that I'd be genuinely a lot happier and will do a lot better if she was unalive. She hasn't been bothering me since.

[@Barbara-li5yb]

Hugs.

[@ItsKroov]

@ 🙂

[@kushagrasharma8974]

Understanding my parents and developing empathy for them helped me alot in this situation.

[@thisisntallowed9560]

Me: "Mom stop constantly saying negative things to me, I deserve respect." Mom: "Well you didn't do that chore so of course I talk negatively to you, you're so spoiled!"

[@whoever79]

I love how they will talk about me being unappreciative when all they did was the bare minimum to avoid legal consequences. Not that I ever complained anyway, just that they were never satisfied with the lack of praise I gave them. Basically they think they should be thanked for even having children and you are their subjugate

[@second0banana]

"I hear that you are frustrated and I apologize for not communicating my plan to get that done. I understand your frustration, but I would appreciate it if next time we could make requests of each other instead of name calling."

[@DrTortoisePHD]

when my mom rants (almost exactly how you described, it was kind of funny), I started approaching her with a sarcastic confidence. She's starting to leave me alone more, I just kind of subtly point out she's being ridiculous and then when she tries snapping back I just ignore her or give the "mmm hmm." I love my mom, but she can be manipulative. My circumstances parallel a lot of what you said in the video. I still love and honor my parents, I just know I need to move on. Yeah, about what you said about being irresponsible, I was there once, but I'm not there anymore. I know what I'm going to do and why I'm going to do it. I've been actively using my free time to better myself, practicing and planning things. I've stopped bad habits and replaced them with good things. But, even though my mom doesn't say it, and she pretends to think otherwise, she isn't proud. Because I'm not living or wanting to live the life she wants me to. She nagged me for months about getting my Associates and leaving college, and only stopped when she realized she couldn't stop me (that and I encountered convenient issues that would make it a pain in the ass to continue my degree anyways). I'm not sure if it's the general consensus that college is good or bad right now, but I know it's bad for me. If I want to actually reach my full potential and be a good person, I have to leave. Money doesn't make me happy, and I'm a smarter and harder worker than most people. I'm taking the trade route at the moment. We have a family who owns an electrical business, going to do an apprenticeship with him. I have a plan to get out of the house within 3-4 years and plenty of backup plans. I've planned the lifestyle I want to live, and I have long-term goals. Once again, I love my parents, and they love me. However, they don't understand me and they won't clearly state their expectations either. My mom has been manipulative and has done a lot of harm to me, in addition to unfortunate circumstances stacking on top of that. I almost took my life in highschool and no one was there for me, my parents just expected me to man-up they just told me it was hormones. I don't think hormones can lead a 15 year old to get a gun out of his closet and genuinely contemplate ending their life. I'm far past that now, thankfully. The point of this comment is just to say, that society is fucking shit and your mental circumstances might not be the best, and it might be confusing. You need to move on, and you need to find purpose beyond yourself. What will you achieve in life and why. Who are you, why are you who you are. What dreams did you have that where never fulfilled. Money and expectations where never and will never be the point to life, live in contradiction to the world around you. I promise you'll be a lot happier this way.

[@jeremiahalexander5513]

Yup dealing with parental issues. I’ve been taking stock of boundaries and who’s been crossing them. And I realized that my own mom was doing this. I almost panicked when I realized what had been happening for so long. Hit me like a punch to the gut.😮

[@Lazzil]

Good timing. I actually just got a call from my mom today, and she said she'd stop talking to me if I didn't give her money. Almost all the advice that was given in this video is basically what I've been doing, although I haven't tried showing compassion when she yells and gives me ultimatums. It's exhausting when it happens, but if I can't talk her out of buying brand new cars and iPhones, then all I'm doing is making problems worse for both of us. Like yeah, I'd love nothing more than to give her the luxuries she wants, but I'm doing everything I can to make sure my survival needs are met.

[@gundrathwyatt]

wohhh, i did this myself. i showed my parents that i know what they are talking about and showing that im trying to learn. they dont bother me a lot anymore

[@ytann]

The first 10s describes everything that has happened and is happening

[@thekernelcaptain6579]

I definitely fall into that not proactive kid category. But whenever I would make progress on something it still warrants a rant and pushing. Overtime I stopped making as much progress bc it felt pointless. If I can’t fix everything now then it’s not good enough. (I watched your video on progress and it’s been really helpful recently). As for showing compassion I don’t think I’ve done it without too much emotion on my part so I can try it. But I have tried to leave the conversation before but being that I live at home, she just follows me 😅. I love my mom very much and she’s a great person. We just butt heads at times.

[@seandenny6430]

Broooo, how are you doing this? I'm facing the same issues with my controlling mom. I'm too old for this

[@HealthyGamerGG]

You know how the saying goes... "If it's not one thing, it's your mother," or something like that. 😁 (You're not alone - definitely affects children of all ages!)

[@AramJonghu]

Cesar Milan told me to use the "Tsst" phrase to calm down the energy. Jokes aside, great video!

[@ProfoundFamiliarity]

This video must be for other people, my parents were fine and never really put pressure on me. I'm quite unsuccessful in life but my parents seem to accept me anyway.

[@CoreyYoungblood]

What about parents that still try to control how you think, what you believe, how you dress, who you date, etc. despite you doing the right things in your professional life

[@zhatar4214]

Being compassionate to them feels like a betrayal to my past self, since they didnt give me affection my skin crawls when I get close to them as there is a deep resentment.

[@whoever79]

Trust your gut brother.

[@g4nked]

@5:38 ive been watching your videos for years now, and the time has come where you acknowledge this. Thankyou so much ❤

[@LizyDuskdragon]

im glad my parents dont really care what I do with my life as long as im independent

[@andrewskylakos3585]

This was a very interesting video by Dr. K. I don't hear him talk about parents in this "give them the benefit of the doubt" way very often. I don't find it offputting but I do find it very unique and different and it makes me think a lot.

[@anshupandey3582]

This is literally what's happening to me rn. Me and my girlfriend fell in love, she is divorced and older than me. My parents don't trust my decision of wanting to marry her and want themselves to find a bride for me, they did the same thing when i wanted to choose my career

oh my god, Dr. K has an intelligence agency! there is no other explanation to this?

[@ilaarga2150]

You are missing the part that they are likely financially supporting the kid and he can't bite the hand that feeds him

[@mico77720]

It also help to take some distance, like live in another city. If she calls and she misbehaves, I say "you did XYZ, so you are going mute for a week" and block her.

[@mariom5307]

I had the opposite problem. My parents never gave a s*** about anything with me. Ah, you draw like an adult at the age of ten even though nobody showed you? *shrug. You never have to learn but still get good grades in schools we never attended? So? Hey dad, here's my thesis. Aha. Hey, I wrote this novel and this seminar book for the university! ah. I play theater and people love it! mhm. Look, I'm better at your sport than you ever were! kay. The upside is: you really have the time to figure out what you want for yourself if all your parents are doing is "waiting for death".

[@fusilier3029]

I have both, which ugh, makes everything more perplexing. My father is extremely passive, while my mother is very dominant and controlling. Therefore, I basically get beat down and feel taken advantage of by my mother, while my father is just relatively dismissive and doesn't provide support for what I like. It's annoying, as I will try and put my neck out to help support my father against my mother, yet my father won't actually back me up.

[@ErnestineM.]

Oh Lord, your text reminds me so much of my parents, I feel so unseen, even in my 20s. I have to let go expecting them to ever care, your positive view on it is a nice way to see it :) I wish you the best for your future

[@nektulosnewbie]

Neglect is the parenting style that is the absence of a parenting style.

[@Sluchayniy]

You must be some 200 lq prodigy

[@manitso2686]

Yeah the father figure you describing is annoying, my woman had a father and mother like that and I'm so annoyed by him because when he should step up and be a man he just don't and her mother need to be put in line by my woman instead of her husband, it's hard to like people that refuse to do anything that's hard but nessesary​@@fusilier3029

[@lordhenrix1510]

It’s so wild to listen to this kind of stuff as a parent now. I’m 31yo with a 6yo so a little different context but still very valuable information.

[@samanthas8340]

I had the opposite parent... no structure, rules, discipline. Pretty much started off, not believing I was capable of anything to turning things around and doing things for myself. On one hand I'm kinda sad I'll never know what its like to have a parent that proud of me - on the other, I also know thats not why we're soppose to want to be successful.

[@jamiechura9630]

The response from compassion is almost like what I have seen from acceptance. I found that applying acceptance and agreement was rather effective at descilating things

[@red_infinitystone]

Last time i was this early my parents were happy getting me born

[@ohmielevisope4237]

Parents sucks, there is nobody that will thoroughly mess you up more than bad parents.

[@pixelsam123]

This is the first time your video is perfectly timed in a while

[@xanderlander8989]

Compassion really does work better than stubbornness. With enough pressure any stone will move. By being compassionate they have nothing to push against because you don't push back. Instead you let them feel how they feel and try to empathize. The hardest part is letting go of the belief that you're responsible for their feelings. This is the core belief of people who are motivated by guilt.

[@alexgermane2211]

I am 22 and live with my parents I just wish everything wasn’t about money with my dad he doesn’t like to see me do fun things if it isn’t making money like video games

[@wolfgangmozart888]

Then leave your parents home. You're an adult

[@Sluchayniy]

@@wolfgangmozart888 with this astronomical level of advices, you definitely should start your own youtube channel in psychiatry 👍

[@MarisaPaola-um5yb]

My immigrant parents were very controlling..i was a bookworm but they wanted me to work around the house as they worked full time. Latchkey kid..i wanted to go to university but my parents were like..do you want to be a dr or lawyer? no..well whats the point then get a job any job. My father wouldnt let me leave the house even after i was 18...I had to serve him, but thats another story diagnosed narc. My mother went through my things diaries etc. My sister was given all the valuable resources..clothes, gifts, money, power over me (as she was the oldest). unfortunately she is a narc like my father. Ive grown up as very quiet anxious and lonely. Dynamic has carried on my sister was made sole executor she has stolen all my mothers jewelry and valuables as she is 'the oldest'.

[@tsegorah]

It's similar for me. I'm 31 and have a job and have a wife and we stirted to live separately from my mother recently. I tried to ignore her as much as i can. But it's hard to always listern how i should live and breathe properly. In life i lack motivation and just want every trouble to go away

[@abmstudio3678]

I think I had arrived at this solution by pure rng. I am the only person that gives my parents compassion and so, they are significantly nicer to me than they are to my sister.

[@LJ-oi3pz]

that's my dad. except when he steps on my nerves I scream at him to shut up and that I decide what to do with my life, not him. I also hate conflict so after that I retire to my bedroom and have a meltdown.

[@BLADER5211]

GODDAMIT Dr K you got me in the first 8 seconds itself

[@thunderjolt69]

How does Dr K know my parents

[@ilikemitchhedberg]

Absolutely nailed it with the thumbnail and opening of the video

[@bonnieschen]

Goodness dr knows his audience. This was the best and most relatable episode yet

[@arunjadunandan2303]

winning with compassion sound like sarcasm lmao

[@peripheralparadox4218]

Maybe sarcasm is more powerful than compassion in this case. Defiant IDGAF energy works with most women.

[@Elite_Tauren_Chieftain]

When you consider being a parent, you must understand, that your child will not be like what you expect of them for 99%. They are completely separate, different, independent human being. To not be disappointed in your child you need to not have any expectations of them. You need to love them for who they are themselves

[@alpiffero]

I was in a very similar situation (Italian mom, go figure), but I dunno, I had a stronger character perhaps? The thing is, I rebelled, with rage and passion. Studies down the loo (I barely got a minor degree), no girlfriend or fiancée whatsoever EVER, her dreams about me with a "stable job" in schools met me being a freelancer and Ivan Illich anarchoid enthusiast as an answer. And no regrets except for what I failed to enjoy - I could never for the life of me show that I liked a woman. I mean

[@trevorappleby8855]

Dr K is speaking from personal experience here lol.

[@atikahumaira1489]

can we have more topic on these please, it really helps clear things out!

[@Antagonist1629]

This video game to me at perfect typing, my dad is the narcissist and ignorant person in my life, I don't ever hear compassion from him and never let's me make my point verbally until it becomes arguments that get too much

[@Dacrada]

The New Game+ Spouse Fixer Upper Theory is eerily terrifying...

[@andudu23-sz3do]

Thanks!

[@NPC_Algernon]

What if we resent our parents too much to be geniunely compassionate? I feel like I won't be able to say those things without coming off as sarcastic

[@behindyou3689]

I feel this way

[@reyne2077]

If you hate them so much, why do you even interact at all?

[@Cam_Time1]

@@reyne2077 depending on how old they are, they could be financially dependent on them especially if they are under 18, so they can’t just stop interacting with them

[@TheMoonAlsoRisesUp]

I have the opposite problem: my family infantilizes me and now I’m 26 and scared to drive. Lolololol

[@SSJKamui]

I am german. My mom was from a sociological milieu called "bildungsbuergertum" (literally "educational bourgeoisie"). It is called so because for them, good marks and good degrees of them and their children is a status symbol. One reason why my autism got undiagnosed was because of that, I often seemed to be a smarter kid and my mom liked that.😅 My parents strongly worked on my marks and sometimes even tried to write certain homework for me. In the end, for a long time, I literally felt education would fix everything in my life and I even believed someday, if I just got a good enough academic degree, then, girls would finally like me. My mom did not want me to talk to girls but that was not because of education... well, instead, my mom was weird there. She suspected literally every girl I liked would end up raping me. And after I said to her that this is complete bullshit, she literally said this would be a proof that it's the opposite way round and my mom suspected me of wanting to rape her. And that conversation ALWAYS happened. My mom was very paranoid there.I asked my mom why she apparently thought every relationship between men and women involves rape according to her. She refused to answer that...🙄 I still cannot understand the logic of my mom on that topic.

[@SSJKamui]

Interestingly, when my mom married my dad, she directly completely sacrificed her universities education to become a homemaker and wife. And she almost immediately started to regret that

[@GunLobster]

I don't have twitter, but their content seeps in from time to time in other platforms like KZbin. I can see this in a similar vein to how in a group of people who doing what they can to stop discrimination, there are always those bad apples who hold the same beliefs of equality but are openly hostile and have zero social skills who will just accuse others of wrongdoings out of the blue just because they remind that user of someone in their life who's bad. This reminds me of a parent who's telling you to do chores and at the same time openly telling you how much of a failure you are. It's not one to one comparison but I can see the similarities. The results are the same. In the former scenario, you might see people get radicalized to the other side. In the latter scenario, you might see the kid rebel against the parent's wishes. People don't like being nagged what to do, and even more so if there are dehumanizing insults included. No matter how sound or right the argument may be.

[@Sven3399]

Mom: I'm light-years ahead of you

[@endymionisrafieldeios7362]

For some reason, when I do this tactic with my parents, it feels like manipulation...

[@Ayzev]

Because unless you genuinely mean the things you say, it is. Whether that's a bad thing depends.

[@Toptumbleweed6400]

I swear, this video is a personal attack, but i really love the help i got from you doctor

[@KiriB]

Sounds like my Asian mom! Spending so much time trying to avoid triggering her anger.

[@M.W.2]

How about making one video about confronting them when you are the unreasonable and un-achieving one but don't know how to communicate to them what do you need for help and how to move forward?

[@Jeffs_Trove]

hmm id like to hear more on this idea of tricking oneself to invest in things that seem to be for ourselves. that situation of developing 4 years and the energy in working on yourself sounds really piquing but the video ended short 😭, i guess maybe its because im not too sure what the hell is going on as of late haha

[@davidschhh]

bro really is going HARD on his uploads🔥🔥

[@Ramya519]

Dr K. I am a mom myself for a 10 year old boy . I don’t want to be this mom, but I can see myself doing this to my son . I don’t know how to make him do his chores and homework without being asked to do . Please do more videos on this topic, please. How to be a good mom to a adhd boy.

[@jeffery9416]

18 minutes of pure comedy Dr k evolving i like it

[@MCcraftingdude396]

Helpful video! My friends and I have been trying to tackle an issue of overbearing parents as well. But how does one go about creating a boundary with the parents when they still live under the same roof? It feels like the suggestion to set boundaries is limited by if the child can create that distance in the first place. I was wondering if there is anything else that can be done other than the compassionate suggestion.

[@sDuAvTaTjAe]

If that person was from India, they'd already be in an arranged marriage by now

[@thatswhatisaidCA]

Hahaaaa. Loved this. As a 61 yr old mom of a girl (and a daughter of an immigrant German momma) this is hilarious. p.s. where are you looking? we're up here! (oh my gawd, i'm turning into "that" mom!)

[@t-bone9215]

Super relatable but I had an overbearing father.

[@m.g.4830]

The ending felt a bit abrupt with just one example of college being a way to invest in ourselves. It would be nice to have more examples or a tie into how this relates to overbearing parental figures. Or maybe I missed that tie in

[@finitoSA]

Great Cartman impression btw