Hellish Haribo sugar-free gummy bears

[@_Jay_Maker_]

A legitimate classic of the Food Horror genre. Anyone who's ever had IBS knows exactly how this guy felt. Fake or not.

[@LightBoltDash]

Wait what, food horror? That's a thing?

[@cheesusabidas77]

​@@LightBoltDashyou jyst heard it

[@bas-tn3um]

dont talk about ibs monster or it makes it spawn.

[@imstupid880]

Can confirm

[@TheMastroAntonio]

I have IBS-C so I dont know what thats like unless I take my prescription for it. Maybe I should get these Gummi bears.

[@Cyklaminian]

When you stare into the abyss, the sugar-free gummy bear stares back at you

[@reetasingh6297]

No comments? Let me fix it. Anyways 989th liker.

[@ElGrabnar]

When you eat Haribo Sugar free gummy bears your guts becomes the abyss.

[@mysock351C]

But one has to ask in this situation: If you are hungry and in need of caloric content, why would you choose sugar free gummy bears as the best bang for your buck? Its no bang for your buck. Its negative marginal utility from hell. Literally pulling the grenade and throwing the pin. And then I saw this comment and it all made sense. He's taking his final in the 9th circle of Dante's Inferno after stopping by the Gluttony and Sloth campus store. Your punishment awaits...

[@Unusual_Anarchist]

Okay, fun fact for anyone who doesn't know: Certain artificial sweeteners like the ones often used in sugar free candies and cookies, have a laxative effect when eaten in large quantities. Trust me, guys, don't screw with the artificial sweeteners. They will mess you up if you anger them . . .

[@WiseOwl_1408]

Phat phuxk

[@rafaelmartinez9259]

Lmaoo ​@@WiseOwl_1408

[@salty1201]

fuck xylitol all my homies hate xylitol

[@atlascove1810]

It's a similar mechanism to how lactose intolerance produces gut trouble.

[@SmartyPoohBear]

When I saw "sugar-free" in the title, I knew exactly where this story was going. Everyone should really be warned that sugar-free foods will generally act like a laxative. 😅

[@Konpekikaminari]

I love how the experience of eating these things always makes people so eloquent and verbose

[@Puddingskin01]

They are but humble kings on their porcelain thrones.

[@SessmaruKusanagiGaming]

Butt Pompeii will do that to a person.

[@Konpekikaminari]

@@SessmaruKusanagiGaming "butt Pompeii" Thanks, I hate it

[@SessmaruKusanagiGaming]

@@Konpekikaminari Any time!

[@reetasingh6297]

​@@SessmaruKusanagiGamingTook me a second to realise what the butt of the joke was!

[@Octopugilist]

Best one was the review from the old lady "I thought these would be a good alternative because of my diabetes. I sat on the toilet for hours begging God to kill me. I cannot recommend this candy."

[@k.umquat8604]

Now I just feel sorry for her

[@DefaultFlame]

My favorite review is the one where the guy's anus made sounds that resembled the German word for danger. Very appropriate.

[@jaxonhumphreys671]

I’ve never felt so awful for finding something funny

[@Danielrv2fn]

Every time I read this I start cackling till my lungs hurt

[@Da_ComputerMonster]

That got a HORRENDOUS laugh out of me

[@yamibakura8597]

This sounds legitimately painful. Still, not as bad as the guy who ate nothing but protein and fiber bars for a week, but that's like saying 9/11 wasn't as bad as the destruction of Pompeii.

[@hithedragon7842]

I might need a link to that story

[@arstino]

What happened to the guy who ate the protein bars?

[@towel_gaming]

​@@arstino Probably extreme constipation

[@yamibakura8597]

@@arstino It is an awful tale of woe. kzbin.info/www/bejne/iXXFloCMe5qhm7s

[@SmartyPoohBear]

Extreme diarrhea vs extreme constipation

[@TheRealWalt]

The ability to make a story about someone failing an important test because they had to take a massive shit sound dramatic is a feat only few can claim to have accomplished.

[@reetasingh6297]

No comments? Let's fix that! 734 liker.

[@Really_Big_Moth]

@@reetasingh6297 maybe this comment doesn’t have any replies because it doesn’t need any

[@jaydenwilton5279]

​@@reetasingh6297 🤖🤖🤖

[@georgetropicana9317]

Most sugar free candy uses aspartame, but haribos use a special kind of sugar which is technically an alcohol. These sugar-alcohols taste sweet, but are too challenging for our bodies to actually break them down for their calories. Hence the “sugar free” label on the packaging. Our gut bacteria ferment these intact sugars, and the by-product is gas. In small amounts, it’s unnoticeable, but in large amounts, there’s a lot of fermentation and gas.

[@Beepers559]

So it’s basically discount laxatives?

[@AnMComm]

​@@Beepers559If you believe a digestive tract-destroying chemical weapon to be counted as a laxative - yes.

[@Broomer52]

⁠@@Beepers559 not discount laxatives, high powered laxatives. The sweeteners used in the candy is a key component in many high powered laxatives

[@mrsnayarlhats4242]

Well they shouldn't use that in sugar free candy period in fact they should use that in lactate medicine for people with constipation problems what haribos should gave that Gummi bear recipe to a pharmaceutical company they would make Gummi bear constipation stool softener that alcohol sugar with patients with severe constipation would be a life saver for patients with severe constipation so people won't pass on from constipation

[@NinjaPhooka]

​@@mrsnayarlhats4242Um I think they do.

[@B.H.L.studios]

Looking at Amazon reviews under sugar-free gummy bears was always so flipping hilarious!

[@atlascove1810]

Sugar alcohols are potent. If you see "-ol" at the end of any ingredient in a sugar free product, eat with moderation lest you suffer the same fate.

[@TheShubLub]

Or just don't eat fake sugar that will poison you. Anything like that really doesn't belong in

[@theguywhoasked6858]

Thank you for blessing us with your words of wisdom

[@OmniNeon900]

Example: xylitol

[@Tarik360]

@@OmniNeon900 Didn't know Xylitol was part of that. good to know...

[@fruitynyanko7316]

They should really have warnings on the packaging about a laxative effect...

[@bugjams]

I hope this guy's English/writing professor found this review and gave him an instant 100 for the rest of the semester. Some small relief from the hit his grades took due to this event.

[@a-s-greig]

My English teacher in High School is how I first came across the meme. It was, quite literally, the "funniest sh!t he had ever seen."

[@Minceraft69]

Over 26,000 people finding the review helpful has gotta bump him up a grade at least

[@redseven4040]

The “no bathroom breaks” part is throwing me off. That’s just asking for shit related greentexts to be authored

[@sandsunderthetable.6625]

If you think that’s not normal then you obviously aren’t in college yet

[@redseven4040]

@@sandsunderthetable.6625 I’ve graduated college and post graduate. The most strict rule I’ve ever encountered was being required to give my phone to the professor during the exam and even that was the honor system. If a prof ever said there were no restroom breaks allowed for a full length exam, I would go straight to administration.

[@CrizzyEyes]

@@sandsunderthetable.6625 Made it through my entire academic career without any such bullshit restriction. In fact, during a physics exam in college I had the shits, badly, and the professor actually came in to check on me. I'd wager that if any professor were to create such a restriction he'd get destroyed by complaints. I would say that, of all the stages of my academic career, college is where they cared about cheating the least. After all, it's your money (ostensibly) that you're throwing away.

[@pearan]

You Lucky if they allow batroom breaks it the first time even i heard about bathroom breaks in finals

[@cowmeatius7151]

@@sandsunderthetable.6625I mean at my uni you can raise your hand and a TA will escort you to the washroom (handing over your phone obviously) for a 5-10 minute bathroom break

[@Obi_Gorn]

Couldn't stop laughing the entire time. Showing this to my friend when we hang out next!

[@AxelPoggers]

let me know what their reaction is

[@reetasingh6297]

​@@AxelPoggerslmao same!

[@cheeseman6833]

I like to think that after this he proceeded to show this magnificent scripture to the professor and passed him anyways

[@VoiceOfTheEmperor]

Same. Plus there's NO way the teacher didn't hear the gurgling in his stomach and would recognize the "get out of my way or you're paying for my next pair of pants" run one does when they have to shit on this level. NO way the teacher DIDN'T hear him screaming in agony from the men's room. NO way he didn't smell it afterwards. That kind of rectal Armageddon would make even a War Veteran cry in utter agony. NO way the teacher missed that. Honestly, I think he BARELY passed his final out of pity from the teacher hearing his agonized screams of near damnation of the rectal kind being violently expunged from his bowels. I'm pretty sure he said to himself "that kid needs a doctor. Maybe a priest. I have nothing to lose from passing him. I'll just give him a passing grade. He's learned his lesson."

[@Unusual_Anarchist]

Moral of the story: Don't screw with the sugar free gummy-bears....

[@elishumway5508]

Or they’ll screw you.

[@Unusual_Anarchist]

yes@@elishumway5508

[@AnMComm]

​@@elishumway5508in the ass

[@Astro_weeeeee]

This sounds like a cowboy in a historical fiction story sitting in an empty church warning the main character about the dangers to come

[@eggiebot]

*”And there they sat, two bags of Haribo sugar-free gummies bears”* “Buy one get one free.” I will forever cherish this specific part.

[@alekzomer]

This shit sounds like something that someone experienced with creepypastas would write, and im afraid. And your voiceacting adds up to that. Great job! 👍

[@AlgidSquid]

The best part is nearly all these reviews are written like this.

[@alekzomer]

@@AlgidSquid that's fascinating

[@Volvith]

I learnt that Gummi Bears were laxitives when i was 13, thanks to stories like these. Thank you anon for your sacrifice, so that we may forever live in the walled safety of this divine knowledge.

[@Myname-cb9ru]

This exact same thing happened to me, but it was with some shitty machine hot chocolate. I fucking bombed my law exam because of that rarefied piece of the river Styx.

[@reetasingh6297]

Sympathies being send towards your poor Anus...😔

[@Minceraft69]

Don't keep the devil waiting, old gummy bears.

[@The_Sacrificial_Lamb]

The worst part of this experience is that he sat down on a school toilet seat. No wiping it, no covering it in toilet paper, just the complete unfiltered horror that is a school toilet.

[@lettus143]

I mean, do you do that at home? You Daddy puts his ass on that bowl too you know.

[@LamborghiniDiabloSVPursuit]

Handicapped spot. Is likely to be much cleaner than regular toilets.

[@danakanam5]

​@@LamborghiniDiabloSVPursuit not after this surely

[@zxph]

bro rawdogged a public toilet

[@TACTICALWRENCH-xu3yj]

Popular Mechanics published some research that indicated bacteria often passes straight through toilet paper, so it doesn't really make much difference.

[@starlightdragon2665]

As someone who gets extremely painful and crippling migraines from artificial sweeteners; especially Aspartame... I can safely say that though i have never experienced the horrors of the golden throne caused by sugar free; i have experienced pain so intense in my head that it made me consider ending my life. If you are sensitive to sugar free; do not consume it, either you will end up like the guy telling this story, or end up like me and others who suffer migraines that would make the devil beg for an end to his misery.

[@strionic770]

"We can't do enough physical damage to this guy? We'll just deal psychic damage instead"

[@joemogley]

Yk that sounds like an overreaction, you'd think so, but dude one time i had really bad constipation while also having too much gas cuz i drank a ton of sodas, so there was a bunch of pressure in my gut and i couldnt release it, and the pain got so bad that i literally laid in bed for 3 days just crying before it cleared up and i unleashed a eldritch being that would put Cthulu to shame upon that toilet

[@adeleinetheartist8267]

​@@joemogley WHAT?!?

[@reetasingh6297]

​@@joemogley🤐

[@SoupyMittens]

@@joemogley something similar happened to me, i only had a large pepsi but i had to miss a week of school because the gas pain and diarhea were so bad

[@Furufoo]

This is a chubbyemu episode from the perspective of the patient

[@VergilArcanis]

I ate about a 1/4 pound of these once. Took about 2 hours to kick in, but the affects are legit. But it took a lot to bring the pain to where i honest to god thought i could shit my kidney out my ass. Diabolical game to play, mix regular gummy bears with the sugar free ones and bring them to a party equipped to handle multiple bathroom trips. Gummy bear roulette. If you don't shit your pants or bail out of the game, you win

[@cameronspence4977]

Okay calm down satan

[@AlgidSquid]

Lol I remember my dad introducing these reviews to the family. “If you ever need a laugh, just look this up”

[@OneOnlyDan]

I first heard about these hellspawns around 10 years ago. It is incredible to me that people _still_ remember these things.

[@Fearless_on_my_Breath]

Lmao, That 'Buy one get one free' part really got me and I didn't stopped laughing after that, this man had described it greatly and you have narrated it with the same greatness. Bro you are marvellous at this, never stop.

[@chenfeizhou306]

Haribo sugar free are always a classic. Whenever I see one of these videos in my feed i 100% click

[@m.nic.5080]

Used to work at a major outlet for a candy factory that rhymes with Smelly Helly. We sold packs of sugar free alternatives to the main product and parents would ALWAYS pick them up to buy for their kids because they didn’t want to give the kids too much sugar. I would always point out the warning label on them that says it causes digestive distress and laxative effect and they’d put them back lol. However..l I don’t think many of the other employees warned people and just wanted to make a sale, so who knows how many kids got internally destroyed from eating those things when I wasn’t working.

[@GarryDumblowski]

Y'know... I feel like the professor should give you another chance for this one. He knows you weren't cheating since you actually finished the exam, and could tell you were clearly in distress from the fact your stomach alerted the entire class.

[@gregrobinette8620]

Dont matter, the school bureaucrats made a rule & are too stupid to accept nuances. Lol

[@wickermind6668]

Kinda messed up that the school system would rather prefer you to utterly demolish your pants with waste material than even allow the slightest risk of cheating.

[@Jenacide]

Cheaters ruin things for everyone else.

[@MerlinOfAtlantis]

@@Jenacide so does the stench of a massive wet slimy turd oozing through someone's pants

[@Minceraft69]

@@Jenacide so would some poor mf having explosive diarrhea while everyone is concentrating

[@luckyy3691]

Meanwhile the professor be cheating on his wife and shit

[@GarryDumblowski]

@@Jenacide And someone having a massive accident in the middle of the classroom doesn't?

[@GentlemanBystander]

When people don't understand what Sugar Alcohols are...

[@The_Shoebill3D]

I ate half a pound of sugarfree gummies once. I didn't poop, but i had extreme gas for well over 9 hours. My sphincter felt raw by the end with how much i was farting.

[@Nanomano2864]

Gave yourself windburn?

[@rianmela3825]

Every day I wonder how Gorillas can handle farting all day from all the vegetation they eat

[@yoboikamil525]

@@rianmela3825they are on that brapmale grindset

[@gatorboiy5269]

Had a similar experience on a school field trip when I was a kid. I unfortunately didn’t have the luxury of a nearby bathroom, just a constantly jostling bus full of my peers. It wasn’t a good day

[@TimorousEye]

26,083 found this helpful 26,083 avoided Hell

[@agnastthrower5212]

Ah yes, Xylitol, Satan's favorite sweetener.

[@MrBearyMcBearface]

If you're hungry, sugar free won't help you. There is nothing there to sate you. All it states is your sweet tooth.

[@oo-ru5lt]

Wrong. The volume from the gummy bears inside the stomach would downregulate ghrelin and orexin, while upregulating leptin, reducing hunger and increasing satiety.

[@vonnie0_0]

As I’m watching this, my stomach has been having issues because I ate 4 hot pockets in a row, so this has been a very immersive experience.

[@samd9772]

To be fair, eating a whole bag of gummy bears on an empty stomach was bound to end disastrously.

[@Lizzardthething]

Alexa, give me the definition for regret.

[@flutefox3177]

THE VOICE I CANT-💀💀💀

[@Periwinkleaccount]

I was going to ask what it was that you couldn’t do, but you clearly couldn’t, so it makes sense.

[@wildfire9280]

“Uhm… ACKSHULLY Helm’s Deep was the gorge, the _Hornburg_ was the fortress. This is literally unreadable and my immersion is broken.”

[@uniqueprogressive9908]

I had a similar experience from eating 20 from a bag of candy from a company called "wonderland of wellbeing", from a corner store that costs $2 for a 1kg bag of them.... However that was a oxymoron, I did not feel like i was in a wonderland nor in a state of wellbeing. I decided to take a sleep and the mattress was soaked in liquid shit that almost looked like brown water. The mattress was replaced and never bought from that evil company again

[@Grek]

“26,083 people found this helpful”

[@noctisumbra3015]

These seem perfect for someone who's been stopped up for 5 days! The best tasting laxatives you've ever tried!

[@gaufridusofthefire6555]

I’ve eaten to straight bags of these before this is an apt and true retelling of the experience.

[@magnus1383]

Honestly, I would have just let him redo the test if he told me what happened. I wonder if he actually attempted that.

[@Jem-and-the-moon_alien-guys]

“26,083 ppl found this helpful” 👁️👄👁️

[@ghost_ship_supreme]

This made me laugh my ass off for nearly 5 minutes straight

[@guapokizzy5663]

26,083 people found this helpful 😭😭

[@You-ye4xb]

holy crap the voice is perfect

[@ClammyHorrorShow]

“Kids and grown ups love it so… the wonderful world of Haribo…”

[@Mr.Masquerade]

“God forsaken hell bears” killed me 😂

[@TimReuscher-bg5xt]

I feel this. I ate a whole pack of sugar free twizzlers. Let's just say, the whole day was spent on the toilet

[@joskarifinaukr6503]

"It's an older meme, sir, but it checks out."

[@servotheanonymous]

"26,083 found this helpful."

[@Calvagh-07]

this candy is not selling ever again

[@MB-be1ew]

PTSD comes in many forms, i tell you

[@moulder44]

its like a Shakespearian tragedy, a hellish beauty written with whole of his soul. i pray this man gets plenty of better times after this.

[@Zer0_days_Offical]

I once ate a shit ton of cookies with artificial sweetener I ended up in the hospital with my intestines inflated like a balloon

[@blitzn00dle50]

I found out literally today that sugar alcohols can do this. Never eating anything sugar free again 🙏🙏🙏

[@lettus143]

Ahhh, yes. Reminds me of the time I ate an entire box of lemon fiber one bars because "I'm 18 I'm an adult I can do what I want I bought these with my own money!!!" My story would have made a great video lmao.

[@doomsdoor]

I remember eating a box of fiber one bars before.... I never want to experience that hell again, I was crying on a toilet wishing for it to end

[@lettus143]

@@doomsdoor I didn't have immediate access to a toilet and almost took a dump in a Tupperware in my then boyfriends car. Hours of having to hold it in had me thinking thoughts I wouldn't normally think.

[@soup9242]

He literally could have said the gummi bears just gave him a diarrhoea attack, but I’m glad he laid it out like this.

[@Videoswithsoarin]

its not the gummy bears fault. eating a whole bag is insane

[@mrpickles-hb6zx]

IT'S ALL THEIR FAULT FOR BEING BORN WRONG, like the third power puff girl. (Bliss is 4th n I hate her)

[@Back_and_Better_Than_You]

Think I’ll buy a bag of these and leave them on the community snack table at work.

[@AnEmu404]

Dunno about American candy bags, but UK Haribos (and other sweets too) usually have portion recommendations. You’re not supposed to have more than a handful, but i think that’s more for health reasons than this……. Specific situation….

[@Tkmined]

We do. The label has a serving size. It's just that people ignore them because they can be absolutely ridiculous sometimes (in a funny way). Oh, you got this bag of gummy worms? Your serving is 2.5 worms. And it has 150g of sugar :)

[@_Sparky144]

Thanks to y'all I am now informed of the dangers of Haribo sugar-free gummy bears.

[@darealrulezbreaker9493]

if something that is supposed to be sweet and tastes sweet is labeled "sugar-free" id always steer clear.. better to eat some sugar than fkin poison. and besides, most artificial sweeteners taste disgusting anyways

[@trigger2070]

Read this review for a grade in my college public speech class. Best A I’ve ever received.

[@liagamer4265]

I love reading reviews they are always hilarious I swear they can keep you laughing for hours

[@spongeintheshoe]

I feel like that would constitute a medical emergency and warrant a re-take.

[@Gardeningismypassion833]

Bro could be a writer of a story Ngl but bro perfectly described my food poisoning when I went to Asia 😭

[@PeoplecallmeLucifer]

this is on pair with the haribo story on the airport

[@DORMRR]

Why is Rick Grimes dissing these gummy bears so hard 💀 🔥

[@EngineerMonkeyBTD6]

Well, glad someone was there to learn this lesson for me so I don't have to. Don't eat these before a test. Got it!

[@chungusamongus519]

Ah yes, these gummy bears. The notorious weight loss gummies.

[@You-Know-Youre-Right]

I enjoy how 26084 people found it helpful

[@MothmanOfficialWva]

Dude accidentally ate SCP-666 1/2-J

[@Kinghd13]

this is why i want these gummy bears.

[@XxScouttherianxX]

Why am I addicted to these existential crises?

[@JoeMama-me2yj]

The video fucking slayed me,my sides hurt and I'm only half way. Great stuff my man

[@hereticsaint100]

The music selection was the cherry on top.

[@hallowedbeyourdays]

It is things like this that turn so many of us into excellent writers, striving to get across to others the particular nature of the hell which was lain upon us. To warn others, in the hope that our experience was not in vain.

[@Red_Chicken_Gaming]

I'VE SEEN THESE VIDEOS EXACTLY LIKE THIS EVEN WITH THE EXACT BACKGROUND "MUSIC"

[@DarkSignal59]

That was perfect, from the overly dramatic writing to the deep voice with a southern accent reading it. Haven't had such a constant hard laugh in a while 🤣

[@AyJ-vk4tq]

These are the mfs that need to write horror stories.

[@tristanband4003]

I remember this. Glorious.

[@lilhedgehog8576]

If I was this dude, I wouldn’t have burned the bag of gummy bears. I would’ve just save it, and given it to my worst enemy on their birthday.

[@aPumpkn]

I will never not find bathroom humor funny

[@mumujibirb]

many people forget there is sometimes a warning on sugar free products to not overconsume and that "overconsumption can cause laxative effects". Though it doesn't stop me.

[@DougDangerous]

I have heard naught but terror about these accursed gummi's. Thank you, burialgoods, for narrating a story about the intestinal distress that comes with consuming large amounts of these demonic candies.

[@drophat]

for a story about diarrhea, this hits unbelievably hard

[@JuggernautHeartsSTELLAR]

Bro when he tells a story im always glued to the damn screen

[@Trid3nt861]

One of the main ingredients in certain sugar free gummi substitutes is Lycasin. Its known as a laxative

[@XxMrRoachxX]

And the Oscar for Best Narration of an Amazon Review goes to..... burialgoods!!!!

[@WaveChallenge]

I have never felt more bad and laughed at the same time in my life. I hope that brave warrior is doing well in life now, for the trauma unleashed upon him was one of godly proportions..

[@MF99K]

TLDR, many sugar substitutes are also laxatives

[@LamborghiniDiabloSVPursuit]

Wasn't caused by gummy bears, but had something of a similar experience, so I can sympathize with him. Ate something that didn't agree with me, and my colon had a Reactor 4-level meltdown. Bathroom near where I was, was too full, so I decided to walk home since it was close (bout 500m) and I'd probably like it more to do it in my own bathroom. Bad idea, each step progressively caused me to lose more and more control and it took every bit of my mental focus to not shit myself in public, was basically torture to just move as the moments went by. By the time I got close to my apartment, I was walking like a jittery crack addict and expelled the contents bowels with the force of an industrial hydrocutter the moment I got my pants down and sat on the toilet. Horror beyond horrors.

[@raventripp6181]

So how much did your new toilet cost after you cut your old one in half with your diarrhea stream.. did your new one have to be Kevlar reinforced? Just asking for a friend 🤨

[@connor7272]

“See you in hell, haribo sugar free gummi bears” is gonna be my highschool quote

[@peterseaboldt1250]

"I wouldn't wish this misery upon my worst enemy..." Well, you've just given me a wonderful gift idea for my worst enemy.

[@Poindexterfredrick]

People who write reviews like this make reading the reviews well worth my time lmao 😂

[@ReddBoi64]

I feel the same way about Diet Soda. Like the original isn’t good for you. It’s loaded with all manner of chemicals and sugars, but at least your body can make use of the calories in that sugar even if it’s an unhealthy portion of it. If you take those sugars out though, the one thing in the substance that your body can use, what is left