Help For Your Asperger/Neurodiverse Marriage

[@jenniferm4928]

Hi Marcie! I think it is wonderful you can be a support for other spouses going through something similar. I always try to take something from your videos and apply it to my own life. I like how you didn’t want to just pour out all the negative details and hardships you went through while married. My younger self would have spent time expressing my bitterness to people. This was a good reminder to me to not dwell on past difficulties. To me, not speaking ill of him in this forum is a gift to your children.

[@singlemomonafarm]

Aww, thank you! Wow, I love how you try to take something and apply it to your own life even if you can't see much that is applicable. That shows how humble you are and how you can see a learning experience in everything. I love that! Thank you for your kind words. Yes, nobody, no matter how bad they were, deserves to be talked about. We all make mistakes but we're all trying the best we can. I believe Nathan did the very best he could too.

[@tinarivera5806]

Thank you for opening up about something so important.

[@Jon-gk5yn]

From my Family to yours, I wish you all the best. My Great Nephew is Autistic and he spends a lot of time with us. He is nearly 13 years old and I believe what keeps him comfortable within our Family is just simplicity. You are who you are and no judgment🙏

[@kathymccune2679]

You are so very kind! What a good Mom your struggles have made you. 😊

[@EmeryShae]

This is really kind of you, Marcie. I’m sure it’s a painful part of your life to rehash. I do have one question, which you can pass by if you don’t want to answer. When you think back to when you were first dating your husband, did you notice that he had some struggles with connecting emotionally?

[@singlemomonafarm]

Yes, I felt he "wasn't my type" but didn't know why. On the surface there were things I liked about him: he was the oldest of 8 kids (his little sisters would send me drawings in the mail and I thought that was cute), he wanted to be a doctor. No red flags like divorced parents or swearing or smoking. On the outside it looked good. But yes, I realize now we never connected emotionally. I had never heard of personality disorders or autism. I thought any two good people could make a marriage work. I was young and naive. I didn't know his brain was wired differently. If you have more questions, feel free to email [e-mail]

[@cumberlandquiltchic1]

I’ve watched a channel for a while now. It’s autism our daily view, and it is a great channel. I wish you all the best. For me, I find it so difficult to comprehend your husband would make it through medical school. Not that he couldn’t with his intellect (that part of it), but that the school(s) thought he could be handed off once graduated and “be okay”…. I still say, this is like a movie in the making. I watched “a beautiful mind” long ago. Not that it’s a comparison. I have a disconnect with how it all came to be. Nothing to do with you! I only comment because you share and I find it fascinating , your story. No doubt you will be fine. That’s not the point, for me. You shouldn’t have to be fine. I think this shouldn’t have ever gotten this far in the educational process of producing a physician that any of us could have ever been assigned to. Im going to leave it at that. Not being negative toward you. I admire how far you’ve come.

[@singlemomonafarm]

Yes, you're right. Never really thought about it before. What do you do if someone gets straight A's but you feel they won't make a good doctor? Not sure if anyone could have/should have done anything. He's never been open to counseling or seeing that he has a problem. So that's a big hurdle. He does have a good heart and wanted to help people, cure things, etc. It's all his brain that kept him from being successful. So sad.

[@EVANSestablished1998]

I think of you often and admire your courage and strength!!! ❤

[@singlemomonafarm]

Thanks! I think of you often too. We need to text and catch up!

[@reneemorgan1210]

Thank you Marcie for reaching out to people with these issues. I pray God will work through you to help them. 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@BrendaWhite-m8p]

You are an incredible woman and an amazing mother. Your children are so fortunate and we are fortunate to have you, too.

[@singlemomonafarm]

Aww, thank you! What a sweet thing to say! You made my day.

[@KAStodgell]

Thanks for sharing and being open.

[@stephencameron1709]

Marcie you are a wonderful resource for anyone with similar challenges that you faced. Wishing you all the best for sharing your story to help others. ❤️🙏🏻Val C

[@singlemomonafarm]

Thank you Val!

[@amerikrainiantribe]

I think it’s really great that you worked so hard to understand your husband’s diagnoses and tried to get him the help you all needed to make the relationships work in a healthy way. As a female/wife/mother on the spectrum I have always tried to understand where my blind spots and challenges were in communication and relationships and improve in those areas if at all possible. It’s so sad that your husband wasn’t able or willing to take advantage of those resources you were able to find for him for the sake of his family. I’m sure you would be a good resource for any family struggling in their relationships with a member on the autism spectrum or with mental health issues.

[@singlemomonafarm]

Thank you. I hope I can be a good resource. Thank you for sharing your experience of being on the spectrum. I believe that knowledge and acceptance is power. Anyone seeing where their challenges are in communication and relationships whether on the spectrum or not (because we all have so many! nobody is perfect) and working on them is going to improve the relationship. This goes for all family members, co-workers, volunteers working together, talking to a policeman when you get pulled over, everyone. When we say nothing is our fault and don't put forth any work to improve, then we don't make any progress. I'm glad you're doing your best. I'm so happy to hear it. And sad thinking how Nathan's life could have turned out differently if he'd been like you and understood himself better and worked on things. Thank you so much for sharing.

[@moiraaustin5684]

Marcie you are a very special, caring and considerate person. Thank you for reaching out to help people who are experiencing what you experienced 🙏🏻❤️

[@ritahall8653]

You are so strong

[@singlemomonafarm]

Thank you!

[@Mrsmadison45]

You have a special gift ❤

[@k.kudzma9314]

You are so brave

[@singlemomonafarm]

Really? Thanks!

[@Brattyanne1231frugal]

I would love it ! Please do

[@pennygardner8496]

God uses are situations to bless others

[@teresahassell286]

Kathy J. Marshack has a youtube channel with a posting 4 days ago.

[@singlemomonafarm]

Really? Great to know! Thanks for sharing! I haven't looked at her stuff in years. I hope she's doing well.

[@katieb9312]

I’m sure having ten children would put a lot of stress and strain on a marriage. We have six and I think if we had another it would be a tipping point in our marriage. Days can be very stressful and it’s easy to blame each other for not pitching in. I can’t imagine adding Med school to the mix. My husband works a very simple job which was intentional choice early on because I knew I wouldn’t be able to cope if he was away from home longer than eight hours. We barely get time to ourselves as a couple, but one day we will. It’s not easy. You seem like an amazing mother and seems like you’ve had to raise your children single handedly for years and years. I do wonder if the children do or will ever get a chance to visit their father? It could be healing for both sides…

[@singlemomonafarm]

That's awesome that you have 6 kids! Large families are a rarity these days. You sound like a very intentional family. I love that. That you've chosen a simple job to have more family time, that you try to have couple time, and you know your limits. Good job! Yes, it's been hard raising the children single handedly for years and years. I never pictured my life that way. I thought my husband would be a lot more involved and a helpmeet for me. Right now Nathan doesn't want to see us or talk to us and we live across the country so we won't be visiting him anyway. The college kids have tried visiting and he won't come out and see them. (Visitors can't visit in patient's rooms, but only in a common visiting area.) He's still struggling a lot. Hopefully with time he figures things out and will want to see them.

[@Judi-lm2fj]

My oldest grandson is asperger. He also has other things. Often wonder how his relationships work. He is 24 years old.

[@pamboone6921]

❤❤❤

[@louloulouable]

Thank you for for your video

[@alisons3194]

Your ex should be eligible for SSI/SSDI and be able to pay some child support from that. Please consult an attorney.

[@jennyyates329]

In most states the children should be put on ssi income because he cannot work it would help so much

[@cumberlandquiltchic1]

I’ve spoken with her about this…as have others. I think she’s probably navigating this, or not. At the very least, she’s helping others now. Im leaving it alone. I think she’s aware. Everyone has to navigate life, as they feel lead.

[@mjay858]

People with Asperger’s look completely normal and can be very smart. I have a friend with it. Their would be no way she knew when marrying him it she would have thought his corks or differences were just that everyone is different. She saw his strengths she saw his faith was the same as hers their wishes for the future all alighted they got a king so they got married then in time after various issues and more issues you realize you have a problem and try to figure out what that problem is. I can relate to her research for me I married a narcissist but did not know it until after many many situations cause obviously there are good things and good times in between. Did lots of research about it so I can relate on that. Then realized I can’t fix it. And I am just loosing my joy and my kids are going to loose both parents. So I got out! Now my kids have 100% of me. I love Marcie’s story! Thanks for sharing!

[@mjay858]

Edit= king = got a long. If your read about masking you will see ppl with autism have to work really hard to understand social cues and deal with everything. Being a doctor and having ten kids and a wife is a lot he held it together with her support for many years and then one day he cracked. I am sure he was a good doctor. I am sure she did everything she could to love and support him and try to make things work. But eventually a husband who becomes a big responsibility and who becomes a hinderance not letting her buy what she needs he ends up making a healthy person choose. And a healthy person chooses to walk away to save the rest of the family. Good for her! An unhealthy person stays puts the marriage first and loses themselves and the kids to depression, poverty, and other bad coping strategies like drugs,…

[@singlemomonafarm]

You think an attorney would help? I've tried applying for SSDI for him, but have heard nothing. I've tried calling and they say to keep waiting. But I don't even know for sure if the application went through or what the process is. Seems easy to me. They just need to call the hospital and confirm he's there and get their word for if he should be on disability or not. But I know nothing about it. I would love to get some child support from that. Do you think an attorney would help it go any faster?

[@drumminghands6356]

You are very beautiful ❤

[@singlemomonafarm]

Wow. This was a surprise to read. I've never thought myself very pretty so I cringe when I think of putting myself on video. I'd rather video my kids. :) To read this simple sentence, really touched me. Thank you.

[@susannahpeters778]

May l ask why you had to have a divorce? If your husband is sick and in the hospital anyway?

[@singlemomonafarm]

He was still living with us when we divorced. He was very controlling of what we ate, read, played on the piano, activities we chose, etc. I wasn't allowed to have a cell phone and many other things. And lots of other reasons. He was very damaging to the family and wouldn't get help. We put up with it for years and years but finally had enough. Really, it was people--both close to me and those I didn't know well-- who told me they could see the damage he was doing, offered me a place to stay, told me I needed to get out for the sake of the children, etc. It was then that I realized if they could see it, I needed to listen. And if that many people were feeling prompted to tell me when for 19 years nobody ever said anything when I was silently begging to be rescued, then I knew my prayers were being answered and I needed to consider divorce. After we divorced and we moved away he became homeless and then put in an institution. I felt like I needed to divorce at the time so that I would be able to be free to make my own decisions. And make a better life for us. Also, so that if I ever found someone else to marry I would be able to do so. I wanted my younger children to have a father in the home as they grew up. I'm so glad I divorced when I did because he was going downhill quickly at that time. If I had waited he may never have signed the papers. I wouldn't be here, I wouldn't have the peace and freedom I feel. I wouldn't be free to remarry if I did happen to find someone. I never ever thought I'd divorce but in my case it felt right.

[@Annsrisingsun]

I don’t think she needs to be interrogated on social media. It isn’t the public’s business to have her explain herself to us. This is behaving intrusively and she shouldn’t feel she has to answer yours or others questions on her personal life.

[@renata-s5b]

I have learnt that Autism spectrum, Asperger"s are in early age diagnosed. Fidn't you know about your husbands illness before marriage? Sorry if I ask sth that hurts you. Just an important question to me 😊

[@singlemomonafarm]

No, I didn't. We married in 1999 and it wasn't a well-known condition then. I was also very young and naive. I didn't know about any mental illnesses or even have experiences with a wide variety of people. I was very confused and often scared of Nathan's behaviors and didn't know what to do until he was diagnosed in 2016. No worries, that question didn't hurt me at all. Glad you asked!

[@renata-s5b]

@@singlemomonafarm Thank you and God bless 🌷⚘🌹

[@cindyb.2951]

I would love to see a video of how your children have dealt with this over the years. It cannot be easy dealing with not having a father when other children talk about their fathers especially. But it must be harder for them to be in the home and to deal with the emotional issues surrounding asperger's. I pray that they have plenty of male figures in the church that can step up and help out.

[@Annsrisingsun]

The children’s personal feelings on family struggles should be private. This is an area that should be left between their mother and a counselor. They don’t need exposure to public opinion regarding how they coped during their years with their father. And I would say, please don’t do that.

[@singlemomonafarm]

Thank you for acknowledging that. It means a lot to me. Nobody asks me or them how it is to not have a father in their life, not even on Father's Day. And nobody has acknowledged how hard it was growing up with a father on the spectrum and all those issues. So thank you for saying that. I wish more people would see that and step up and offer to take them for ice cream, a bike ride, to their house to do a puzzle or yard project, anything. I would love that for them. At least Spencer has been living near grandpa and uncles who can be a good role model for him. And Thomas works for a great guy who is a good father figure for him. Hopefully we find other good father figures that reach out. Thanks again.