Here's how to tell if you're in a toxic relationship

[@sophiadavenport3959]

You can have a toxic relationship with a family member too.

[@user-bc5cf5kr4s]

A whisper of Patricia yeah, my toxic lying family members. Controlling and bossy.

[@demerisalbarran7479]

Would have been nice to cover that too

[@simmytan4243]

Right...

[@laurat1012]

Yep.

[@lucacilaura-otilia4333]

Or with a friend.

[@Chiqsan]

That host is amazing. I loved her interaction and questions.

[@bev0821]

Me too

[@MaxineShaw_84]

She's a true listener!!!

[@MaxineShaw_84]

@@mariahash50990 Oh, do you have any alleged mistakes we need to investigate?? Let's get started!

[@MaxineShaw_84]

@@mariahash50990 let's make it about you!! You seem happy and not miserable at all.

[@tylerchannell6868]

Can we talk about her curls! Oh my gosh!!!

[@vindheimar2631]

I was also thinking about her curls!!!!! Curl envey

[@shalisealphonse3362]

It so full..love

[@vanillall1]

@Kir By she wears extensions. Just a blending glitch

[@basicinfo2022]

7:00 women like Tracy are so unappreciated. She was going to tear up when receiving a compliment. Tracy deserves endless compliments for being such an amazing host in a dominantly white media.

[@IsabelleMN11]

The sheer brilliance of this woman. I adore Shannon. Because not only is she absurdly intelligent, she is kind and caring too. A combination that is essential to the kind of work she does. I love her

[@mayukalange2954]

อีเวร

[@MD-jw6lj]

I wish this video existed before I met my narcissistic ex

[@UnknownUnknown-yl1lt]

Same

[@BH-dk7cn]

Same... but now we know what to look out for and can avoid all that drama and pain in the future ..

[@UnknownUnknown-yl1lt]

@@BH-dk7cn That's true..you live and you learn.

[@farahnaazoemar]

My thoughts exactly.. Stay strong and keep the support going..!

[@GenuinelyEmilie]

Bruh.

[@evaistheway]

Man I just love seeing Shannon talk... Just talk. She's a symbol of femininity and sophistication.

[@jourdieluv2]

Kaz Kaffenberger This! Yes!

[@wethepeople924]

It is certainly a blessing that the younger generation has realized what toxic is in what good relationships should be. In my generation we didn't have that and we suffered dearly with a lot of mentally Disturbed people! Keep up the good work ladies stick together and don't let these toxic people run from one good person to another.

[@jackyhawk6810]

They liked to promote toxic men to girls and women through tv and movies and music.

[@g.pearson4726]

@sky dream If you think you are in one. You’re probably are in one. Take a break from the relationship and see if you feel happier without them. Keep your head up

[@MsChantae]

Yesssss!!! Even the need to be in a relationship from TV shows is an issue. If I have kids, one day I hope I can encourage them to be kids and enjoy their youth. You don't need a bf or go to feel complete

[@ms.camillewarrenempress31]

@@MsChantae no one doesn't get this

[@sophiamontano1039]

Thank you. Because I’m young but so old school I thought that love was holding on no matter what. Glad to see older generation don’t feel this way

[@bjewel3751]

I can’t believe at 25 years old that I didn’t realise or know the “love bombing” tactic. All my “almost” relationships have been like this and I’ve always been left hurt, upset and wounded! I was so use to “love bombing” approach that any normal guy who approached me without this style - I considered boring. Damn.. I’m staying away from men for awhile 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

[@Energypoints23]

The first part of every relationship is kinda like that though, but the issue is when the other person kinda overdoes it. Like start telling you they love you too soon and wants to practically come in and take over your life without contemplating that there are other relationships that you have to nurture with friends and family.

[@Hitomiaka]

Girl yes. Same here. I ended up with a restraining order against one of them

[@butterflyqueen9260]

@Transformation facts

[@munarellatv]

@@Energypoints23 so true

[@MsChantae]

Had a few like that....sigh ...SMH...should've cut it off right then and there. I know for future at least

[@kaylenecrespo5470]

Shan giving Tracy that heartfelt message I felt that. Nothing like that woman empowerment!!! we only build queens up

[@jackiepeavy5505]

She said something very important..." Casinos are built on this principal". This is true

[@bjewel3751]

Jackie Peavy so true

[@BrownSkinnedDiva95]

Facts

[@Sarah-rw7ky]

i dont get it, can you explain please

[@jemmac4540]

I feel like you have to go through toxic relationships or friendships to actually appreciate a healthy and loving relationship

[@aprildawnmusic_]

Jemma C That’s a good point. I sure hope so.

[@JM-bt1jq]

I know what you mean, but the purpose of them sharing this wisdom is so you don’t have to waste your life. We can grow by learning from other people’s mistakes.

[@potteryokc]

That was nice at the end where they each acknowledged and supported each other! 😄

[@naturalelation1631]

I LOVE the fact that somebody other than me doesn't like to refer to relationships as hard work... Ive always thought, "WHY? Why does it have to be hard work?" And people always say I'm being naive or something of the sorts because I dont believe that having a successful relationship has to be difficult... Shan broke it down for em 😁

[@annar4955]

She is right on every point!!! I don’t think relationship is hard work at all either

[@user-bc5cf5kr4s]

Me too. Relax A LIL #King

[@earthangel4743]

I needed to hear this, it is a confirmation that leaving my emotionally & mentally abusive husband was the right thing I have ever done for the sake of my child and Myself!!!

[@dongysakura418]

Amen! I'm praying for you

[@DJRenee]

Yessssss

[@tonib4625]

Love how she just uplifted the host that was classy❤️ love black women way to lead by example

[@1sava]

I met Shan in Houston, TX last year after being subbed to her channel for a few years. She is so kind, warm and open in person, so basically the real deal. I was shocked because watching her she is always very serious and cerebral! It was a pleasant surprise and made me love her even more! Just found out about this show, and I absolutely LOVE it! The host is the bomb! Much love!

[@cityline]

Thanks for watching, Sava!

[@sillygirl_kera]

What's her KZbin Channel?

[@heavensent4362]

@@sillygirl_kera Shan boody

[@sillygirl_kera]

@@heavensent4362 thanks! I found it and been binge watching since lol

[@mariaa3547]

She is smart and at 4 min she is so accurate with how relationships should *not* be hard work! My marriage (and at one time, relationship) is not hard work and I wouldn't be happy if it was. We flow, everything just falls in to place... hard work is for people who aren't truly connecting

[@matthesagregg5679]

Yes, I agree with Shannon's sentiment that relationships shouldn't be considered 'hard work'. Yes, they take a great deal of effort, and sometimes more and sometimes less depending on the season that you're relationship is in, but whenever I hear people say it's 'hard work' it sounds like something that is arduous and not enjoyable at all.

[@enuwi_]

Finally I found someone who agrees with me. Things must happen naturally 🥰

[@ms.camillewarrenempress31]

Yess .. most people don't get it

[@enuwi_]

Camille Warren some people don’t know how to be single and that’s a big problem

[@MsCouve]

I am loving the bright colors Shannon is serving and I love the positive energy they gave one another ..... Quick segment but so empowering on so many levels!!!

[@quads4500]

that was really nice of her to complement the host, well deserved!

[@kaylenecrespo5470]

anything Shan I'm listening

[@Nfeeling]

beykaylene right!!!!

[@alonator09]

wow, just discovering a new term. love flooding! i have related to this entire conversation

[@keiwa-yourdreamvacationstl6537]

it's a spin on the term love bombing from the trauma bonding community research community

[@cookingandconversationwith3606]

Alexandria Talley Definitely my first time hearing of love flooding very informative

[@VySharieff]

Alexandria Talley Cults use it too😂 I’ve been in 5 cults lol

[@fahariaa]

Alexandria Talley me too!

[@keiwa-yourdreamvacationstl6537]

@@VySharieff well the term love bombing came from the study of how cults operate and how to get victims out of them.... then researchers realised the same thing tactic was being used by abusers to hook victims into the relationship quickly..so ure very right...the term came about because of studying cult culture.

[@SalMcc20]

Shan is speaking facccccts!!! I love what she spoke on looking at the big picture. Is this toxicity a trend in their other relationships or can this be fixed...I just love her! So well spoken and intelligent.

[@MelissaMisinco]

She’s describing a relationship with a narcissist.

[@vanessa7917]

Melissa Misinco and changing the verbiage to try and sound original. “Love flooding.” “Reductions.” 😂😂😂

[@MelissaMisinco]

Vanessa Proctor yes! I thought her compliment at the end was a bit much.

[@Crisgal43]

You think the compliment is "a bit much" because you don't understand the subtext of what's really going on here. Tracy often uses her platform to elevate other women of colour and create space for them to get exposure that they may not otherwise have access to. She was one of the first people to do that for Shannon via Cityline, and has done it for many others. This is the support that is being acknowledged, from one Black Canadian woman to another.

[@125loopy]

Okay? Isn't that a toxic relationship?

[@125loopy]

@@vanessa7917 so?? She's on a TV show lol. Why is it bad that she's not saying anything new? Lots of people still don't k kw the signs. Are you guys just haters or something? I don't get it

Watch out for critical , judgemental remarks that are directed at you, incl. some that want to control you (want you to avoid friends, family and isolate you from others.) This can even happen in civic organizations and churches by leaders giving orders or intimidation, or romantic or dating relationships.

[@surname613]

Hi please could you give an exemple of the way these judgments are phrased? (I'm asking because im struggling to form an idea of what judgmental remarks are like)

[@queenrmia1816]

I fully agree with your comment 💯. I work at a job that is toxic from the upper management to the lower, it's one of the worst places I ever worked !!! Unfortunately I had to change my demeanor, and set boundaries to keep myself healthy !!!

[@Funmkiuo]

She is beautiful, love her yellow shirt and curly hair. Also, great advice!

[@wybie3640]

My best friend is in a toxic relationship with such a controlling person. We can’t even hang out for a few hours without him calling her multiple times telling her to text him back right away when he texts her. He puts her and her career down even though she is the one taking care of him. She got him a truck and he purposely got in a car accident to “teach them a lesson” when someone was tailgating him. She moved out with him cause he wasn’t happy living rent free, then he quits his job cause he doesn’t want to have a boss to have to listen to, then guilt trips her in having a relaxing day off cause he has to work more hours since he doesn’t have a stable income. He guilt trips her in hanging out with me and enjoying her day off and puts down her job even though she is a nurse and works long hours. I can go on and on and I’ve talked to her about it but she is still with him. It’s so toxic. Sad:/

[@jadarashawn403]

This is a live demonstration of black girl magic. This segment was about Shannon and Shannon took a good chunk of her airtime to celebrate another black woman. I love this so much, and it’s so inspiring. We look SO good celebrating one another! Also these tips were so fruitful! Love love love 💛

[@serenatate2672]

I know girl . I started tearing up with my sensitive self . Lol

[@buttercupslongnails]

Man I was in such a toxic relationship and thanks to the women in my life that shared their relationships with me I was able to recognize and leave and I'm in a healthy relationship and we are so happy and I am soooo happy and I wish that all women have people like I did or like Shannon to tell them these things.

[@amasion2882]

I always thought “relationships take work” meant that people have to be willing to invest energy and effort into each other. Not that one should tolerate abuse or inconsistent behaviors.

[@denisej.smith-perry4949]

Well said...

[@aaaviewer1]

The ending melted my heart. So genuine 😊

[@drew1980ish]

Love addiction relationships are typically romantic in nature. Codependency occurs between two people who have distorted boundaries. The codependent person focuses solely on the needs of another and their own needs become secondary.

[@aidabaez5240]

Toxic! I’ve dealt with that in my life. I can tell you it was one of worst things I’ve ever had to endure. Thank you and god bless...💃🏻

[@aamnahere6250]

I have to say that these kind of videos only discuss narcissists who are deliberately preying on people not broken or abused people who genuinely can be unpredictable at times. As a victim of emotional abuse as a child, I go through episodes of depression during which I can get hurt at a seemingly small thing that triggers me. Sometimes as a result I am unable to control my sobs. It won't be about the small thing anymore but about the pain of decades of feeling unwanted as a child that washes over me. Not everybody who you don't understand at all times is a toxic person. Most people do not sit and plan to make the lives if their partners miserable. Yes, there are narcissists in the world and there are emotionally broken people as well whose triggers might seem as 'games' and 'attention seeking' but it's not that at all.

[@aqilahlakay1130]

I fully understand what you're saying and I think that people who've not experienced this kind of brokenness are not able to understand the complexity and sensitivity of such a situation.

[@davinacollins1941]

This is so helpful when I run into her vids when she talks about toxic relationships, all narcissistic men behave this way!...

[@ernestinemorrison2799]

There are toxic relationships between parents and children who grow up and the process continues. That's where we need to start before it gets to romantic relationships.

[@zan752000]

Shan giving the interviewer a much deserved compliment, I felt that. We have to uplift one another more.

[@ParkerLNichole]

Beautiful, on point. Love how Shannon broke it down!

[@Keepemguessin-nostressin]

So True...shes a GREAT host

[@mandolaa]

She's stunning!! Her curles, her style, like WOW!

[@shaimaw.650]

Yaaas my guuurl shanbooodaaay! When you see someone grow this way and drag people upward along with her is just such an inspiration.

[@selenahnjoloma1415]

Shan Boodram! Yes.

[@niachin7522]

THANK YOU SHAN! I have always held that philosophy - life is hard relationships shouldnt be, they have challenges but should not be within themselves a fight. I have admired you for years, continue to inspire and live your truth!! 🔥🧡🥂

[@lisaschreiber2893]

i agree with ms. broodram, your host tracey is always incredible. great show, great host, thank you!

[@cityline]

Thanks for watching, Lisa!

[@totallythandi2555]

It takes both people to change a toxic relationship too

[@ariellewht]

Depending, for the victim of the toxic behavior the change could very simply be leaving. Just left mine, great guy but literally everything Shan said so accurate. I tried doing even more to please him just to get us to a better place but if someone is in a toxic place, just like smoking cigarettes they have to be the one to actively change

[@drew1980ish]

Love addiction and codependency are often confused as being the same type of relationship pattern. Yet, they are two different types of relationship/romantic distortions. ... The love addict is desperately trying to meet their need of being loved. Codependency differs in that it is related to an addiction of being needed.

[@dongysakura418]

Codependency comes from mentally and physically and even financially needing another person .

[@drew1980ish]

excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.

[@drew1980ish]

Signs of codependency include: Having difficulty making decisions in a relationship. Having difficulty identifying your feelings. Having difficulty communicating in a relationship. Valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself. Lacking trust in yourself and having poor self-esteem.

[@drew1980ish]

It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.

[@BH-dk7cn]

This video gives me life ! I was so confused and hurting from a recent breakup but I feel like I can let go of the hurt & move on. Knowledge is power ✨leveling up! Thanks ladies!

[@parisg155]

I feel like if you have to ask...it’s probably toxic. This is a FABULOUS topic though from fabulous, beautiful, accomplished women.

[@briannjanae335]

I cried when they started uplifting each other 💖💖💖

[@AmaryllisTV]

Some of my favourite Canadian women. 🇨🇦. Brains and beauty. 💕💕💕

[@PrisillaOrtiz]

What a great interviewer. Two knowledgeable people!

[@EboJ13]

Great discussion! Then that heart to heart moment of uplifting one another. Beautiful.

[@CheyCheyLove]

I needed this ❗️🙌🏾 no more toxic relationship

[@Hiphop101ize]

Team Shannon checking in!

[@ToyaRR]

I love this. Shannon great job as usual and I always love watching Cityline.

[@maylightbewithyou]

I love Shannon's hair!

[@Thejournalingroomchannel]

This was a terrific interview

[@InfluentialPetite]

This is powerful, I like this and I like Shannon Boodram

[@aprildawnmusic_]

Draining my energy ✅ 80 turbulence/20 smooth ✅ Flooding/pulling away ✅ Inconsistent (with the timing of his communication and attention) ✅ Turbulent relationships besides ours, the trend ✅ I broke up with him because I could feel something was way off but couldn’t put my finger on what the problem was and have doubted why I felt the need to break up after all. He seemed so good on paper, by all means a gentleman, but it was what he didn’t do like leaving me waiting too often, and aloofness when he was around that was the problem. It what was hard to call him out. I felt so unsure if I should keep investing in the relationship and somehow he called me the broken and inconsistent one, though I hung in there looking for reasons to continue. But every single point highlighted here is exactly what I experienced. Not sure why or who he was but I do feel I was being manipulated, but Screw him! Glad I followed my instincts. Thanks for the confirmation.

[@leopards11979]

gotta love women supporting and loving other women!!!!!!

[@alinamunir6933]

Omggggg these two are incredible, their energy made my day better

[@kudzaii]

I remember when this other lady bashed Shannon on a talk show :/ I’m happy she just bounced back and kept on moving !

[@Mo1683]

So basically, all in all fellas💁🏾‍♂️; Moral of the Story: You’ll always know when you’re in a toxic relationship, bc ya’ counter part will always remind you that she doesn’t care to comprehend self awareness & accountability in a 2-way relationship... or lack there of.

[@Sunny-we7uv]

Mo Hanam I don’t think you understood the video lol

[@MyYt2030]

晴朗Sunny I think he’s being sarcastic

[@Sunny-we7uv]

Nya B yep

[@farahnaazoemar]

I so needed to hear this right now at this point in my life! She really is very knowledgeable and charismatic being quite young. She’s just beautiful inside out. Thank you for this straightforward info. I’ll look into her book. You go girl! Very inspiring and life saving..

[@TheDonovansofficial]

"I don't have all that life to live..." that's my new favorite line! :)

[@melissamason2169]

Good information

[@prettylady6013]

Number one tip: you’re watching this video

[@xfghjuga6480]

Layla Addow lmfaoo deadddd bc facts

[@NRenee111]

Right the fact that I clicked this video made me know I'm in a toxic relationship lol

[@littlemisshowei]

I clicked because I’m the ‘prevention is the best medicine’ type of person. Like, knowing this in advance might help me recognize the signs prior to getting in a toxic relationship.

[@jazrose7674]

I just like Shannon

[@BlueBerryBronzer]

Layla Addow not in a relationship at all, and it fell into my recommend lol

[@luanshyam]

Wow, the attention part was so interesting!

[@yoash209]

So proud of you Shannon! You have such meaningful things to say, and express yourself so clearly and concisely :) and there’s nothing better than a strong, smart woman giving props to another! Go Tracy too!!! :)

[@MA-yc7pz]

Wow that was what happened to me 3 years of a toxic relationship

[@cityline]

We hope you're doing OK now.

[@isabulose]

I love how they big each other up! This interview was great. 💕

[@NinaBT-nu3vs]

On point! On they’re in your face the next week they think your bothering them

[@Youtuber-mw3lv]

The love specialist offers the best solution in fixing and restoring broken relationships

[@justme_1111]

This is a really good topic! I also love the flow of the conversation and the value that the guest is giving.

[@kimorajohnson8819]

So I obviously didn't notice the signs cause my guy did all those things in the beginning and it worked cause I'm still with him 2 years 8 months. Talk about lost of self identity. Talk about how to revolve around a man 101. Talk about crying sporadically uncontrollably. Yes . I wish someone would have taught me this a long time ago.

[@donnawoodford6641]

Kimora Johnson If it's a rollercoaster life, then it's best you cut ties sooner than later when you allow him (I'm assuming him) to take advantage of you and kill your spirit. The mind games are no joke: the gaslighting, triangulation, distraction, devaluing, rage, alienation from friends and family, etc. The co-dependency can drain you as you repeatedly try to come out of the fog of confusion. There's betrayal, deceit, mistrust, manipulation, etc. That person seeks to promise, but often not deliver. There's no interest on his part to listen, respect, or validate you, your existence, or your opinions unless it benefits him. This is a brief list of things that I encountered over 41 years of marriage until I ended it 5 months ago. So toxic that police entered the house one night to stop my son from taking his life. Toxicity from dad permeated the household. I'm hoping my message helps those on the fence trying to decide how bad is it. In my case, things only got worse as time went on. Once I left and distanced myself could I see the fuller picture of having lost my identity. I'm healing and looking forward to a new & happier life. Be strong and love yourself more. 🌈🌅

[@kimorajohnson8819]

@@donnawoodford6641 yes thank you for your encouragement it means a lot. But I grew up in a abusive household so yea my self esteem wasn't the best when I met him. I would attempt suicide as a kid but it was a phase. He reminds me of my mom except we've physically fought a couple times. I never win cause hes stronger than me. But I'm not going to have children just a fish. I don't blame him just me. My finances and resources are tied up into him. I'm just going to deal with it until I get a opportunity to make a change without being homeless and looking for a therapist in the meantime. Thanks so much 💕

[@DJRenee]

Mine gave me anxiety in the same timeframe.

[@kimorajohnson8819]

@@DJRenee me too but I know I played a part in things falling apart too. Yesterday he put me out and told me to kick rocks, is a nice way to put it. now I'm homeless and heartbroken but I know its gonna get better soon. I d k how long it will take but I dont wanna be depressed I want to be happy. I feel so dead but I know it's part of the process. him calling me and asking me am I having fun without him. really made it worst because i almost broke down at work! its nothing fun about being homeless 10 hours from yourhometown. Or losing who u thought was your bestfriend. Like gosh he doesn't even give me a day to try to block him out he just rubs it in my face. But I'm breathing and I enjoyed my salata for lunch. And I feel more courage when I hear other women stories of how they overcame this.

[@peachmuffins42]

I love Tracey Moore 😍🤩

[@latoyasmith2049]

Wow. I loved this. I'm glad I came across this. I loved what she said about hard work. This was some great relationship advice.

[@dieanahwilliams9111]

This video definitely school me

[@Najenaj16]

Great interview both ladies were amazing 👸🏾

[@jocelync8236]

The trend tip is interesting. Never heard that before but it definitely applies to my situation. My bf doesn’t have a good stable relationship with friends, family, or work :( it would hurt me to see him lonely and sad, I tried to bring out the best and we stayed together for almost 6 years. Very rocky up and down relationship. I love him to death but we just broke up again and I just feel like I can’t keep doing this any longer.

[@joycemasusu9890]

It was so quiet I got a scare when the live audience started applauding 😂

[@nelsonvazquez8104]

Yes I love that advice everyone right now should be listening 👂 in and taking notes 📝. What she said I one ☝️ hundred agree with

[@lousunny5682]

This was gold right here

[@vettejakes]

I watch from the U.S. and I love this show !

[@cityline]

Thanks for the kind words, Yvette!

[@tequishabraden7260]

These women are just absolutely brilliant!

[@Maryam7580]

Those are very good points that I would have never thought about. Great questions from host as well.

[@tiyanastarr]

I personally think that it’s labeled as hard work because everyone is different. There’s no one size fits all or rulebook on how to love someone. Everyone is not raised the same so sometimes you have to figure the person out in order to grow together. It can be difficult adjusting to ways you’re not used to or teaching one another.. So I guess saying hard work is a harsh way to put it, but not everything will come naturally. It shouldn’t remain challenging forever because at some point the two of you will just flow together.

[@drew1980ish]

By the way love addiction is unhealthy and love is all based on action. A healthy relationship is literally a partnership 100/100 yes if one is doing more then the other and LOVE BOMBING and even being controlling and manipulative then it's clearly unhealthy .

[@jesusiskingofmyheart]

I really needed this. 💯❤😩 Thank you!

[@iamsheysaint5715]

This was perfect! ❤️

[@daniella7923]

Hard work no matter what. You get along better with some than others. Still hard work always.

[@foreverrebecca8417]

Omg this is so accurate!!

[@Kazmo5]

Great talk!

[@Shadey485]

Excellent video!!!

[@mommyandpaityncolon9702]

Just admiring the black women 🙌🏽 #smart #intelligent #theydidthat #theydidthat

[@maritanottzmusic]

I love her cant wait to get her book...

[@twilightandmileyfann]

Wow amazing video!